The Fall of Man

[Tobias Stalt]

It was an austere arena. The laboriously shined floors were devoid of any trace that they had ever been used for battle, though this was the heart of the citadel. If any one arena was not warped or twisted by illusions, it was the floor beneath Tobias now. No Ai'brone tricks- he didn't see any of the monks anywhere, in fact- and no guards. There were balconies above where onlookers could watch the proceedings, but the main doors to the chamber were barred.

Tobias faced the far side of the room with a mask of stoicism, either of his hands resting on a dagger. Orlogue. The name was like a blight, widespread across Althanas in both heroism and villainy. He could not recall ever meeting one, though he had read many pages about the enigmatic Sei. Whispers about the swordsman Ciato had reached him, along with a challenge, and Tobias had found himself enticed.

Doing battle with a legend was a chance Tobias would not pass up. The man had expressed simple terms- a battle to blooding. Whatever delusions he held about the Orlogue family were gone. His golden gaze glided across the room, and he accepted that it was level ground. No weaknesses and no advantage.

When the far door creaked slowly open, Tobias' eyes flicked over to watch the other man enter. "You came," he called with a hint of anticipation in his voice. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't."

He did not intend his words as an insult; Tobias believed that a notorious man like Ciato would have better things to do than meet a lowly, traitorous Alerian soldier. His hands fell harmlessly to his sides as he watched the man with sharp features walk forward. Tobi took a deep breath.

It was to be an intense battle.

[Ciato Orlouge]

"A true Orlouge makes good on his word, no matter how delayed the response may be." Ciato stepped through the door of the arena as his eyes shifted upwards. The nobles that were already gathered in anticipation for what was to come brought a smile to the swordsman's face. He could even see some of the people withdraw their tiny binoculars so they had an even closer view of the fight. The man that was known as the 'Alabaster Bastard' was in good company with this setting.


"I commend you, Mister Stalt," the Mystic withdrew his blade and tapped the tip against the ground. It clicked three times against the prestine floor. In his people's culture, such an act meant that they would fight to the best of their abilities without killing one another. "You should be honored, you know. Normally, I don't do battles such as this. However, word of your exploits have even reached my ears, and there's a lot of my own brother that I see in you. That, as well as the fact that you-know-who wants you dead piqued my curiosity. We'll see if you are worthy for me to hunt you down in the future."

He raised the tip of Asterodeia as he looked back towards his opponent. Tobias Stalt was wanted by Ciato's employer, Lichensith Ulroke, for betrayal against the Order. This would be a test to see if the former Alerar general would be worth the maniac Mystic's time down the road. He could hear the nobles above begin to hold their breath, as though they were about to reach some form of high during the fight. The air around Ciato was fresh, as the nobleman presumed it was around Tobias. Only the smell of the wax on the newly polished floor teased the pale warrior's nostrils.

"En Garde, and may the best man win," Ciato darted towards Tobias with his opening gambit, an attempt to run the man's right shoulder through with the blade of Asterodeia. A good sportsman tried to disarm before handing his foe his defeat, after all.

[Tobias Stalt]

Slow breaths escaped him, practiced and controlled. There was a formality that surrounded the killer's movements that Tobias could not boast. While the battlefield held familiarity for both men, Tobias got the sense that this being before him had been born on it, rather than simply trained to survive in its constantly shifting tide. A sound not unlike a collective gasp rippled through the air far above the two as Ciato took the first move.

He could appreciate the man's prudence. Tobias twisted his body deftly out of the way of the strike, which passed by like a whispered threat. His golden eyes watched Ciato in slow motion as his weapon flowed wide of its intended target. The former soldier decided his reaction time must have been just a hair faster than the Orlouge had anticipated. The youth took a quick step and shuffled closer to Ciato and threw a left hook toward the Mystic's jaw.

The world came alive around them. A roar of applause tore through the crowd at the excellence of their deadly dance. The floor itself shook beneath appreciative screams, and tokens of good fortune fell all around both men like raindrops, indiscriminate to either side. It stunned them that Tobias had evaded first blood. It excited them that he had countered. It brought them to life to know that this fight would be memorable.

[Ciato Orlouge]

Tobias Stalt was quick.

The younger warrior shifted himself in such a way that he escaped the narrow point of the Mystic’s rapier seemed to meet with naught but the air. The crowd gasped and cheered as Tobias maneuvered himself around the pale nobleman and attempted to throw a sucker punch at the aristocrat. Ciato’s face turned as the former Alerar strategist’s fist made contact. The blow did not make contact with Ciato, however.

The air around the Mystic shattered, cracked as though his attacker caused an affront to the air itself. The golden eye warrior was the quicker of the two, but the alabaster bastard was far more experienced in combat. He grew up the middle child of six, so attacks from both older and younger siblings kept the suave swordsman on his toes at all times. The glass of Mystic Protection shattered all around the ivory skinned entrepreneur, the fragments of glass a snake that wrapped around his form as though he were caught in a crystalline tornado.

The crowd roared with both applause and screams. They seemed torn on which of the two fighters to cheer for, as each possessed qualities their opponent seemed to lack. Ciato’s eyes shifted to his audience for just a second before they focused back on the transparent viper of glass that seemed to await his command.

“Legs,” Ciato said plainly as he spun around and attempted to draw blood by dragging the tip of Asterodeia across the face of his foe. The glass attacked at the same time, roughly three dozen pieces of glass shrapnel honed in on the thighs and shins of Tobias Stalt in order to appease its master. Ciato’s features drew a smile as he looked at his opponent. “This…this is going to be fun.”

[Tobias Stalt]

Disappointment roiled through the arena as Tobias' cheap shot seemed to break the space between them and send the fabric of reality splintering. Fragments of the obviously magical ward defending Ciato cascaded downward like sand in an hourglass, swirling in a rhythmic pattern in accordance with the pallid swordsman's whims. Tobias knew without taking the time to consider the implications that he was in a great deal of trouble.

He slipped past Ciato narrowly and jerked free the long knife at his left hip, an eerie black blade that glowed with a pale malefic light. Before Tobias had time to register the word, Ciato had stated the word "legs." The tactician thought it a rather odd thing to say, but the word was justified when he realized it for what it was.

Like a swarm of tiny wasps, the shards whipped out with razor precision toward Tobias' lower body like a tripwire, intent on ruining his balance. His clothing alone offered scant protection from the haze of shrapnel that buffeted the meat of his thighs and tore more holes in his already ruined uniform. A haze of crimson replaced the clear magically conjured fragments, as their purity was forever tainted by human blood.

Blood that, when it plastered the glass, seemed to suck the contrived life from it. While it lacked the strength to rip the magic from the spell that Ciato had woven, Tobias' blood seemed to battle the Mystic's will for control of the shards- if only to send them clattering uselessly to the dirt.

While he grunted in the face of agonizing pain, Tobias met Asterodeia head on. The sound of stone against Damascus was a jarring noise, less elegant than the clash of normal blades. His balance wavered under the weight of many wounds opening along his legs at once, but Tobias' feet dug firmly in and he resisted. Both his hands gripped the long knife's hilt firmly, fighting off the wicked rapier mere inches from his face.

"You bleed next, Orlogue," Tobias promised with a hint of masochistic amusement pricking at the edge of his lips. The youth took a staggered step forward, his mobility visibly hampered. Instead of pulling back from Ciato, Tobias pressed forward. "You and your parlor tricks can..." he grunted, shunting Asterodeia away with a concentrated effort, "get-"

Tobias ripped Calm through the distance between them, toward Ciato's chest, gold eyes promising pain. "-FUCKED!"

Silence had gripped the onlookers as Tobias defied a storm of his own blood appearing from nowhere. When he staggered forward and continued to fight, they gasped anew, and upon his blade's rebuttal, an uproar took them again. The City of Radasanth itself was awake, the ground around him was painted in his blood, but Ciato's words held a bit of constancy that Tobias appreciated. This fight would be fun.

[Ciato Orlouge]

The glass that attacked Ciato’s opponent like a coiled viper now fell to the ground as if beheaded upon contact with the blood of the younger warrior. The Mystic’s eyes widened as the glass shards fell against the ground with a ‘tink’ sound and also seemed to cause a loud gasp from the crowd. He could hear a slow applause start from the counter upon counter that the two warriors used upon one another, and it was enough to get the pale swordsman on the move once more.

He spun as his opponent attempted to run him through with a knife. The blade missed its intended target, but found a new home just below the left shoulder of the alabaster bastard. Ciato gritted his teeth as spurts of azure droplets flew from the point of entry and stained the ground below. He shunted his shoulder off of the weapon and raised Asterodeia into the air. The ivory demon slashed the air several times as he backtracked in order to put some distance between himself and his opponent.

His body felt odd, woozy. It was as though the nobleman were on a ship that got swallowed up in a hurricane. The room seemed to tilt back and forth for a moment. He shook his head around to remove the proverbial cobwebs as the spectators above started to cheer for Stalt. Ciato grinned at their bloodlust; it seemed that whoever caused the most damage became the hero of the minute to these people. He would make sure the battle would end with him as their champion.

“Blood for blood,” Ciato nodded as his eyes looked down at the leather boots his foe wore, “that’s some nice footwear Stalt. Remind me to buy you a new pair with the money I earn for striking you down.” He smirked, though the feeling of dizziness once again washed over his form once more. Time seemed to slow, though it may have just been his perception of time. His gaze upon the shoes of his foe was an attempt to make the leather turn to solid stone, similar to Asterodeia’s stony exterior. Tobias Stalt would lose his speed advantage.

Ciato dashed forward, his rapier raised up as he attempted to bring the hilt of the weapon down upon the boy’s temple. With any luck, Tobias would be too distracted with his sudden lack of mobility to focus on the task at hand. The audience exploded in cheers and jeers as Ciato made his move, the wound in his arm a steady stream of blue that poured onto the floor.

[Tobias Stalt]

Tobias leaned out of the way of several quick strikes without moving far from his spot. He smirked from the realization that Ciato was giving ground, though the crowd certainly would not see it that way. Genuine confusion rippled across several voices who cried out, "fight!" "What are you doing, Stalt?" "I have money riding on this!"

When the Mystic ceased probing with his stony saber, Tobias flipped Calm in his hand deftly. "Backing off so quickly?" He asked with a wry grin. "Do you have a new plan, Ciato Orlogue? One that involves advancing to the rear?" He attempted to take a step as the blue blooded man commented on his chosen foot wrappings, and he found their weight substantially heavier than he remembered. "Or that," he muttered at the grim realization.

The fray stretched out between them was painted with visceral blues and reds, like some wicked god demanding tribute stood laughing at their peril. No dark rituals rose up between these combatants, however; Ciato raged forward, this time intent on striking Tobias while the chestnut haired youth was disabled.

"I can still move," Tobias murmured as his body shifted to one side and his head narrowly avoided blunt force trauma. "Just, not very well." It took turning his entire body into the movement to even half lift a foot. Tobias gave a grunt of effort as his form writhed and began to fall clumsily backward. "Gods below," he spat as momentum carried him heels over head, tumbling in a heap to the floor.

It was a slow process, finding his way off the floor. His palm made a squishing sound as he pressed off of a puddle of his own blood and crackles of glass crunching beneath his weight crackled as he got to his knees. Ciato had succeeded in sufficiently annoying the hell out of him, that was for certain. "I'll never understand the allure of tricks like that," he snorted as his grip on Calm was asserted once more.

He couldn't simply slip out of his shoes, as they were laced tightly enough that his feet were imprisoned. Tobias would just have to deal with a slower movement speed. Wary of Ciato's ability to capitalize on his fall, Tobias had already taken a firm grip on his second knife. Blood dripped from both hilts and hands as he slid Cold from his side and brandished the twin blades. Blood still drained from the multitude of tiny scrapes and cuts beneath the fabric of his now-useless pants. If not for the crotch area of the garment remaining intact, Ciato and the crowd would have a prime view of Tobias' manhood. The man counted his blessings that the Orlogue lacked a perverted streak.

"Damn well better," Tobias acknowledged his foe's taunting words at last, "good leather is bloody hard to come by."

[Ciato Orlouge]

Ciato did not expect his opponent to take such a quick tumble downwards. As his hand came to meet with the temple of his foe, he quickly found his face on a rendezvous with the floor thanks to Tobias’ body tripping up the noble Mystic. He slammed upon the ground with a loud thud, then quickly rose to the sound of laughter at his expense. He took a moment to shoot a glare around the room, which quickly hushed the juvenile giggles of the crowd.

Through the fall, he held Asterodeia tight, and the sword never left his grip as stood straight and back towards Tobias. The fellow warrior was busy attempting to rise himself, and Ciato saw another opportunity to strike. The pale swordsman ran behind his anti-magic nemesis and wrapped his arms around the waist of the nearly nude man.

“I believe you said something about attacking from the rear?” Ciato spoke even though he knew well enough that it would give his foe more time to maneuver out of his volatile embrace. Ciato bit his lower lip as he allowed the magic to through himself. The effects of whatever Tobias did to him were starting to wear off, the dizziness subsiding, though the alabaster bastard knew that this technique would not be in his normal repertoire.

In an instant, Ciato’s skin instantly became spiky, as though he were a human sized puffer fish. With any luck, Tobias would not have slipped from his grasp and quickly find himself skewered upon the sudden spiky sprouts of the entrepreneur. “Is this more along the lines of what you were expecting?”

[Tobias Stalt]

The sound of a voice roused Tobias to near terror. His feet, still weighted down, impeded any chance he had at slipping away. The soldier shifted his hips as the Mystic mounted him. His body turned into the pale skinned freak, and Cold ripped toward Ciato's undefended throat. "I didn't know you felt that way," Tobias growled as arms tightened around his waist. "This is awkw-"

Before Tobias could complete his sarcastic comment, the youth's face turned pale. He stared down with wide eyes to see several strange spikes impaled in his chest and midsection. Blood slithered from the newly opened wounds and a steady stream of it poured from his lips. "F... fucker...!"

He dragged the malefic, pale blue blade across Ciato's neck, seeking to draw a deadly line across it. Gold locked with blue at an evil impasse. Tobias' lips turned up into a sinister smirk. "I'll bite, Orlogue," he rasped, throaty words strangled on frothy blood, "let's sleep together."

His vision began to blur. Tobias felt all the colors of his world twist together and squeeze his brain. In a quick, nerved motion, he brought his arm up to embrace the man tightly to him and drove Calm toward Ciato's heart. "Be my fuckin' Juliet."

[Ciato Orlouge]

As soon as Ciato performed his maneuver, he immediately regretted the decision. He could feel the blood of Stalt as it slowly absorbed into his ivory skin. He could not feel anything, even when his opponent’s neck was dragged across his neck in a single fluid motion. His entire body felt as though it were lighter than air and the world decided to become a merry-go-round on maximum speed. His azure blood spilled over Tobias’ form in a sort of gore infused shower of sorts.

The mixture of blue and red blood made for a brilliant purple hue upon the floor below. The audience not only gasped, but applauded as if the two warriors were doing some sort of art show. Ciato’s eye lids began to lower and quickly shot open when he felt his foe’s knife pierce his heart. He tried to breathe, but found the simple task much harder now and his eyes slowly shifted towards Tobias Stalt.

“Well done, boy…” Ciato whispered. His arms were still very much wrapped around the anti-magic anti-hero, his hand still a firm grip on Asterodeia. With the last vestiges of his will and strength, Ciato attempted to run the blade into the spine of his worthy adversary. The paler swordsman leaned in and pursed his lips, pressing them hard against those of the brown haired warrior, much to the adulation of their now captivated audience. They spectators above cheered and made cat calls even as Ciato fell limply backwards, his arms nothing more than limp limbs now as he slammed onto the ground.

“You asked….for it…” the Mystic whispered as his eyes closed.

[Tobias Stalt]

The world went a wicked red. He felt the sharp crack of his spine as stone pressed into it. The blade tore through bone and sinew and ripped clean through. Asterodeia erupted through him as Ciato fell away, and Tobias hit the floor face first beside him. Empty eyes stared out at an appreciative crowd.

For a moment, darkness greeted him. He felt the cold, yet eerily comforting embrace of death as it sought to free him from the terrible agony. His body still poured out its life on the dirt somewhere else, far away. He could see, hear, and feel nothing, save for the dull roar of some vicious, bloodthirsty crowd. Was this all that he would ever be?

Acceptance. This was where his soul would seep away to whatever fate he'd earned in life. Some hell, he wagered, as Tobias had never been a godly man. There was no paradise for a man like Stalt.

Light flooded his senses. He heard his own, ragged, violent breath as he fought desperately to fill his lungs. Disjointed, colorless figures twisted round in a white world. Tobias reached out for one, but he felt powerful arms hold him down. "He's alive," came one voice, then, "stabilize him!"

Had it all been a dream? Images of battle danced in his dark mind and his eyes rolled back in his head. For now, he resigned himself from fighting back, sleep. And he did just that.

[Philomel]

Thread Title: The Fall Of Man (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?27604-The-Fall-of-Man
)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Tobias Stalt vs Ciato Orlouge



As usual - PM me with any questions :)

Plot: 22 --- 21

Story- 8/10---8/10

Tobias: Coming from Tobias’ recent adventures, this is a story of triumph but also sorrow, with an ounce of longing within it. Tobias wants to find something stable, hence him being “lost,” and has responded to this fight without knowledge of if he is going to win. Despite this, he comes, and in doing so, and by carrying a strong storyline throughout, you achieve a well-told story within the battle itself that transcends a simple fight.
Ciato: There is uncertainty as to why Ciato is here, or why he challenged Tobias, however in terms of over-arching storyline in the piece, you told this well, starting from a proud aristocrat, to descending into something that will play dirty just to survive. This was extremely well done.

Setting- 7/10---6/10

Tobias: With the setting of the scene as your task within the first post, you opened well with a full description of what and where this arena was in terms of the Citadel, and gave an unusual view of what was occurring. You began strong, and continued this through the piece, using the onlooking crowd to your benefit. At the very end you have the world moving around you and Tobias’ vague knowledge of other people, which is very well done, hence your higher mark here.
Ciato: In general you could have mentioned the setting a little more, especially in your opening piece, though you did pick upon the “smell of the wax on the newly polished floor,” which was exciting and interesting in terms of using alternative senses. Though you do mention the crowd a few more times, you could have used phrases like the one picked out above to bring the arena to life.
General: Overall, both of you focused solely on the crowd, and could have used other parts of the arena to make your setting stronger. Try using the walls and floors, even the lighting as part of your descriptions.

Pacing- 7/10---7/10

Tobias: Your actions are laid out well in a clear order, and are not rushed in any way. In general there was little fault with the stages of pacing, though perhaps posts 7 and 9 could have been made slower in action.
Ciato: Your pacing was excellent, and there was not really any fault with it. You showed a steadiness of timing, knowing the seconds between each blow, though similar to Tobias your posts near the end (6 and 8) could have been slower.
General: However - this fight could have done with being a little bit longer, even a couple of posts.



Character: 19 --- 20

Communication- 7/10---8/10

Tobias: With knowledge of Tobias’ recent past, the reader can firmly understand many of his words and phrases, and the desperation and longing carried in them. Described simply as “lost” in his occupation there is great sign of suffering in Tobias’ tone, especially in his swearing and the last line of his, “be my f****n’ Juliet.” However, marks are lower than Ciato’s here purely because of the fact Ciato showed development of character through his communication, whereas Tobias did not.
Ciato: From the outset there is the definite ring of a gentleman with an aristocratic background by the way he talks in full sentences, in a polite tone, and with phrases such as “piqued my curiosity.” These methods carry your character well and display Ciato’s background with them, and develop with him as they become more vicious in post 6 and onwards. In a way his nobility falls away in his words as the battle becomes more bloody, but this is a good show of Ciato’s fading to a mere monster fighting for survival.

Action-6/10---7/10

Tobias: Your actions were strongly put across and reflected Tobias well, especially when you compared them to Ciato (post 3, “there was a formality … that Tobias could not boast”) However at several times your words for actions did seem strange, such as, “shuffled closer” when Tobias wanted to set closer to his opponent, when this seems awkward and shy, not the movement of one in a fight. However, when Tobias is in pain, it is in a realistic way, and you continue on, reflecting Tobias’ unbroken resolve.
Ciato: Likewise with communication you showed a breaking down from the gentleman to a fighter, which was impressive. Each action was strong and well meant, with hidden details such as Ciato’s puffer-fish spikes being a surprise and unusual. Well written, this was strong, though lost marks because of the clarity within posts 6 and 8.

Persona- 6/10---5/10

Tobias: Your character is carried well in terms of the story and this setting, and you do have a sense of persona in some of the personal thoughts, such as his idea of who Ciato was in the first post. You do lose this power, however, and concentrate on the actions. Unfortunately this can really bring down the idea of what is going in your character’s mind, and though you pick up on this idea at the ending in your final post, there is little in between.
Ciato: Unfortunately we do not see much of Ciato’s persona within this piece, or if there is some it is well hidden. The degrading of his personality in it is not so much shown in his over-arching persona, though points are giving here because of this issue. In terms of writing, however, you rely a lot on action and communication, and a general balance of these as well as persona can really help bring your character to life. However, right at the end, there is a hint of malevolence in post 10 with your final line, “you asked for it,” which does add to persona.



Prose: 18 --- 19

Mechanics- 6/10---6/10

Tobias: The only thing that was slightly amiss in this judge’s view was the American spelling, but this cannot be judged against. In basics, your mechanics were very well done and neat, though a couple of times you had dialogue not having its own lone paragraph.
Ciato: At several times, from your opening post, you include dialogue in a paragraph with other long sentences, which is not correctly how it should be set out. Aside from this, however, your actual sentence structures are well laid out and there are no clear spelling mistakes.
General Note: Despite the correctness of form, overall it would have been good to see a greater variety of sentences structures and punctuation from both writers. You are equally very good and have the ability to experiment a little more than is shown here. However, this has not affected your mark. Marks are down because of the dialogue and paragraphing issue, mainly.

Clarity- 6/10---6/10

Tobias: As mentioned in pacing, the section of posts in 7 and 9 (concerning yourself) was a little hard to follow, in terms of action. Also, it is difficult to understand how Tobias’ ended up with his blades on Ciato’s throat. It is key to fully describe these small details. This being said, however, your beginning and ending were very clear and precise.
Ciato: Similarly as to Tobias, the last section of battling was particularly hard to follow when looking at all the various blows. Tobias was grounded, and then there was a series of blows with many details. Sometimes it is better to simplify things and have them set out action by action. As mentioned in pacing your thread could have been longer with the same amount of action involved. Simply by extending these and explaining them clearer would have helped your mark here.

Technique- 6/10---7/10

Tobias: Your word choice in this piece was wonderful, with unusual words that carry your writing well, with good description. You did not have any use of linguistic technique however that was clearly seen. Try using a few things such as simile etc to make the pain Tobias feels stand out more, for example.
Ciato: There is really strong and unusual words you use, such as “proverbial” that really make your writing stand out. In searching there was one simile of yours in post 6 with, “It was as though the nobleman were on a ship that got swallowed up in a hurricane,” and this is particularly well written. However, you could have used many more such techniques to help your writing get stronger. Try using imagery or personification to help develop here.



Wildcard: 7 --- 7

Wildcard here goes to the fighting in general, and the idea that it is a match between two neutral characters who stand between the good and the bad in life, and their interaction with one another. It is particularly powerful within this specially made arena with the crowd jeering and wolf-whistling that was used throughout, that gives the points here.


Final Score: 66---67

Ciato Orlouge (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?16278-Ciato-Orlouge) Wins!:


1440 EXP!
70 GP!

Congratulations!

Tobias Stalt (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17202-Tobias-Stalt) Receives:


375 EXP!
80 GP!

[Hysteria]

EXP/GP added!