Puntastic!

[Genesis]

Mosquitos, I hate those suckers.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

...

List yours, and keep it going!

[Ashla]

Puns! I like them in puntiful amounts!!

[Brand]

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

[Genesis]

Did you hear about the guy who got hit by a soda? Lucky for him, it was a soft drink.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

[Amber Eyes]

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQtR7AuzleEwccpim_iPPzyn-q2wIfTmWW4_z26MIsvgLhRIk0BfRtzRPY

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR5p-E5Ca6puQOGQfgo7vNv6MdvgQ1OfmN6t9Gd5vLDW052mBO7

http://realmofnerds.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/atoms-make-up-everything-tshirt.jpg

http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/bad-puns-9.jpg

[Hysteria]

Oh yeah... puns with pictures :D

https://itsasmallweb.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/i-will-never-lego.jpg

[Genesis]

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

[Luned]

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4186877952/hFBA724ED/

[Otto]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre - so the barman 'gives her one' (wink wink, nudge nudge).

[Ashla]

Barb...

http://38.media.tumblr.com/8418b30875786f16b063880c469a6f7a/tumblr_n9ab2qGlAR1tn13uio1_400.gif

[Bard]

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.

Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. The now Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine�s air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy. No one wants a One-Eyed, One-Armed, Flying Purple Papal Leader.

[Bard]

these are all ones I've heard somewhere, i didn't make them up

People say that as a child, William Shakespeare was very playful.


If climate change is causing the sea level to rise, does that mean that the oceans are getting too big for their beaches?

Vampires use must use mouthwash because they have bat breath.

Where are average things made? In the satisfactory.

I want to open a photo processing store in a developing country.

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.

Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. The now Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine�s air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy. No one wants a One-Eyed, One-Armed, Flying Purple Papal Leader.

[Bard]

The salesman claimed the shoes were made from alligator, but I knew it was a crock.

[Lye]

(10:28:25) BlackAndBlueEyes: She believes herself to have been created specifically to explode and nothing more, but obviously she isn't
(10:28:37) BlackAndBlueEyes: So she learns how to be a normal, functioning human being on this space station
(10:28:54) BlackAndBlueEyes: But--because of course it does--her countdown timer starts erratically losing seconds
(10:29:46) Lye: Interesting.
(10:30:20) Lye: Some might say a girl like that is a "bombshell". ;}
(10:30:34) Artifex_Felicis: That pun fizzled out
(10:30:36) BlackAndBlueEyes: I hope your copy of Destiny glitches
(10:31:01) Lye: One that seems like a "dud" but has an "explosive" personality. ;}
(10:31:19) BlackAndBlueEyes: I hope your weasel chews the power cables to your PS4
(10:31:38) Lye: Woah woah, why such a short "fuse"?
(10:32:02) BlackAndBlueEyes: I hope your weasel chews through your TV's power cables too
(10:32:34) Rayleigh: I re"fuse" to be a part of this.
(10:33:14) BlackAndBlueEyes: You used the same pun twice. You're better than that.
(10:33:36) Rayleigh: I had it typed out before Jack posted his. I got distracted. :(
(10:34:02) BlackAndBlueEyes: Oh
(10:34:03) BlackAndBlueEyes: Shit
(10:34:05) BlackAndBlueEyes: Sorry Shelby
(10:34:10) BlackAndBlueEyes: I thought that was Jack who said it
(10:34:11) BlackAndBlueEyes: You're alright
(10:34:24) Rayleigh: No, its okay, I'll go back to lurking.
(10:34:38) BlackAndBlueEyes: :<
(10:34:41) BlackAndBlueEyes: See what you did, JAck
(10:34:42) BlackAndBlueEyes: You did this
(10:34:44) Althanas: Cards_of_Fate has been logged out (Timeout).
(10:34:57) Lye: Alright, listen, just "count down" from ten, and try not to get so "ticked".
(10:35:17) BlackAndBlueEyes: T^T
(10:35:21) BlackAndBlueEyes: Why
(10:35:23) BlackAndBlueEyes: Why do you do this
(10:35:31) BlackAndBlueEyes: What have I ever done to you to deserve this torture
(10:35:34) Lye: Because I love you.
(10:35:37) Lye: And because...
(10:35:41) Lye: You da "bomb"
(10:35:45) Lye: >:}
(10:35:50) BlackAndBlueEyes: fffffffffffffff

[Fez_The_Kid]

I'd tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

I went to a zoo once, and it had only one dog. It was a shitzu.

Wanna hear a joke about chemistry? Na-h, no one would like it.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Lee Harvey Oswald achieved the correct shooting angle at Kennedy when pidgeons flew him over the motorcade by his toes.

The night before, the pidgeons were seen drinking in pro-Castro bars and overheard making noises that sounded like "coup, coup..."