TDW:CHE - ROUND 1 - Smight vs Vanessa

[Lye]

Round one match between Smight Sekkekkyu & Vanessa Wraith.

Please see this thread (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28142) for ROUND 1 setting information.

Match begins November 1st, 2014 at 12:01AM MST and closes November 22, 2014 at 11:59PM MST.

[Deception and Discord]

“The Deadliest Warrior…” Vanessa said as she crossed her arms underneath her breasts. She was sitting in the faintly light commons area, along with a few other lower rank members of the Order. The Order’s commons area operated as a gathering area for the lower of the guild, Vanessa being one of the newest of the order spent much time here. Like the others she had just gotten back from the business Master Ulroké had left to her. But ever since she had returned to the sanctum Vanessa had been hearing rumors of a tournament being held.

The other members of the Order wall quietly whispered and plotted about the contest. Some says that this was going to a bloodbath happy to see the carnage of the higher tiered members. Others afraid of what this might lead to seeing as Master Ulroké was indeed participating. But to Vanessa this was merely a means for her to prove herself to her crimson master.

Vanessa sitting with her legs stretched out on top of the table pondered this opportunity. How bad could this really be. She thought as she sized up the others in the room. Many of which looking to be just general militia and posing little combat threat, yet others like Madison Freebird would be competing for the honor of number one. Vanessa pitied anyone who had the first round fight with that witch.

Then she saw her, Smight Sekkekkyu, the woman who she was paired to fight with sitting across the room also seeming to mind her business. To be honest Vanessa knew very little about the mysterious dark elf other than she possessed a remarkable combat prowess. As Vanessa sighted in on her target she saw her beautiful face staring directly back at her obviously doing the same as she. The two met in a semi-awkward eye contact lasting only a brief minuet before Vanessa looked away. There was something about her cold and icy gaze that sent shivers down her spine, almost as if she was looking into Vanessa’s soul. She could still feel her ice gaze all over her body along with uncontrollable shivers.

Vanessa knew that to show fear was to show weakness, so like a raging bull she swept her feet across the table smashing two glasses filled with mead as she rose to her feet. The mead spilling off the edge of the table and forming a puddle at her feet, the other now all looking at her as if they were waiting for a show. Realizing she has the attention of the whole room Vanessa walked in the direction of Smite, her audience knowing that the two were to be pitted against each other slowly but surely started to jeer Vanessa with each step. A steady beat of men and women slamming down against their respected tables filled the room.

Vanessa being the gracious person she was didn’t spare any time before she started to ramp up the crowd. Smite not seeming to care stood and started walking to the door, not paying Vanessa any mind. Vanessa sparing no second quickly followed suit behind her combatant, it was nearly time for their fight to begin. And Vanessa was bound and determined to make this into her debut in the spot light, she needed this to be if she ever wanted her master to see her as she did he.

Smight left the common area with haste walking toward the inner sanctum; the area deemed the arena for all their fights to come. Vanessa fallowed her with quickness and anticipation, trying not succumbing to the same fear as earlier. “Wait up!” She said with enthusiasm to the girl caressing the walls as she walked in
front of her.

Smight stopped and turned her head to looked back at Vanessa, “Was that not enough for you, or did you want something else?” Smight said referring to Vanessa’s out bust in the common area. “Was that you attempt to intimidate me?” one of her chains was beginning to raddle loudly in the echoing hall.

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight could not hide it, she was excited for the match. She would make herself, her race, recognized here. She would be doing that by defeating the person in front of her. Vanessa Wraith.

Wearing a large smirk on her face, Smight jeered. "Was that not enough for you, or did you want something else? Was that your attempt to intimidate me?" She threw one of her chains in between the two. Playing with her chains, they caused an echo across the walls.

Smight stared down her opponent. Even though she was excellent at hiding it, Vanessa was frightened. Her body language said it all, she shook and her arms were tight to her sides. This made Smight's smile grow. Her opponent was several years older than her, yet the Hametsu was able to keep her in order. The one thing that didn't show despair was Vanessa's eyes. Cold and emotionless. Smight leaned against her leg, tilting her head. "Look, Miss Vanessa, I would rather save my energy for the match. Would you agree the same? Or are you going to spend all your stamina stalking me?"

Despite the FlameShadow's taunts, Vanessa did not respond. In fact, she seemed preoccupied. Staring into space, into something else. As if she was a zombie, the woman was locked away in herself.

Smight simply shrugged, "Eh, preoccupied..." She turned to walk past her. She dragged her chains with one hand, and waved a small, dainty wave with the other, "I look forward to the match. See 'ya."

The demon left her opponent in the hall. She took her time heading back to her seat; sitting down and picking up her iron helmet, dusting it off.

[Deception and Discord]

Vanessa stood frozen in the hallway, sudden realization of what she was doing. She saw threw Smight’s words and movements; she was but a young girl after all. There should be no fucking room in this contest for a young girl like that. Vanessa with all her might reared up her fist and ferociously punched the wall to her right. She let her fist rest against the wall as trickles of blood leaked from her knuckles. This contest… might kill this young girl.

Vanessa was still in the hall way, one or two other Order members walked by her but she gave them no mind. Preoccupied by her thoughts, what was Master Ulroke thinking allowing her to participate in this. Was he truly mad or was our lives worthless to him? Might this have been one giant mistake joining this contest, joining the Order.

She was in a flux of raging emotions, some that this well trained spy was trained to live without. Guilt, sadness were tools of politicians not of an infiltrator yet they pressed themselves to the forefront of her mind. Suddenly as if in a trance Vanessa reared up once again and began to punch the wall repeatedly, again and again each for a different and strange emotion filling her.

“It will all be ok, Kiddo.” A strikingly familiar voice resonated in Vanessa’s ear almost like a whisper but stronger than such. Vanessa tensed up and turned to seen the one speaking to her, slowly her eras crossed his. Donavan, her former master leaned against the wall opposite to her with a combination of praise and despair cast in his eyes. “But you were never meant for this road.” He said just before he turned took one step and suddenly vanished. Vanessa once again froze like a broken animatronic, her gears locked up and her mind in a bind.

Donavan had long since been dead to this world, yet when Vanessa needs him the most he is there shining. She hated when he was right but she was not meant to be here, never meant to fight this little girl, never meant for any of this. I’ve got to get out of here. She came to a conclusion but how would she pull it off. There would be suspicion if she just left the organization after only just joining them, and even then the price for desertion. What are you thinking? Vanessa calmed herself and her emotions. This was just a job after all, your only here for one reason. Remember that and you’ll be fine. Vanessa thought giving herself a quick pep talk. All the death and violence sometimes got to her when on intense jobs.

Composing herself and taking a few quick breaths Vanessa made her way to the arena. Her opponent may want to fight her, but Vanessa was going to but on a show.

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight noticed her opponent, who seemed much more composed, enter the area where they were fighting in. Smight smirked, it was about time...

Smight finished polishing her helm and set it down. She shed her cloak off, revealing her black, cloth outfit. Chains, chains were attached to every limb. She was adept to them and was quite used to using them in combat. Very skilled. With her scythe-bow in her hand, and her helmet held between her rib and arm, she entered through the other side, chains dragging behind.

The FlameShadow only grinned for a moment, then spoke, "Try all you want to bring me, and my clan, down. Just remember I already went through death. You can't kill death a second time."

Smight stayed huddled under the tree trunk, unable to handle this cold any longer. She'd passed her clan's assassin initiations, she served loyally to her tribe. Now, everything she knew was falling around her. Why was she losing? Why was she weak? Was this death?

Smight blinked the cold memory away when she heard them chanting. Fellow members of the Crimson Hand, chanting at signs the a fight starting. Smight chuckled, a sly smirk spreading on her face. She was happy to grant them their request. She pulled her helm up and placed it on her head.

"Let's get going, Vanessa."

[Deception and Discord]

Vanessa merely looked at the young girl as she placed her helm upon her head, the clearest signal she could give that she was ready for this game to begin. Was she truly ready for engage Vanessa in combat for the amusement of Master Ulroke? Was she truly that confident in her abilities to risk her life in this game? Regardless the answer the time had come upon us.

“Little Smight, if you ready I won’t hesitate to rip your throat out.” The infiltrator said as she reached into her jacket and pulled out both of her trench knives, then meticulously placing one finger in each hole one at a time. Vanessa took an extra moment between each finger to lifelessly gaze into the growing crowd, she memorizing all features upon each face watching her.

Rule number one as a military operative, “Always know your surroundings.” Vanessa found herself mouthing taking her roots as Donavan’s apprentice to heart. She noticing that most of the audience members were other members of the Order, some she knew most she didn’t. She could hear some of the murmurs from her audience, whispers of the previous match or anticipation of what’s about to commence.

Now focusing her attention back on to Smight Vanessa bellowed “I guess I don’t have a second to loose. You better be ready Little Smight cause if you’re not you won’t last three minutes.” Then as if she wasn’t fazed by her younger opponent Vanessa kicked her coattails up in a mad dash at Smight. Her stance was perfect with one blade raised up guarding her face and her spare arm stretched out behind her body for a brutal attack.

“Now now now, your all emo cause you know I can beat you…” Smight said back before readying herself for the counter attack.

This was not going to be a fatal clash between the two but a chance for them to gauge each other’s skill and abilities.

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight easily raised the blade of her scythe, blocking the attack with ease. She smirked, this woman's attack was an aggressive swing, but even still she was only as strong as the next man. Smight was more powerful.

With her mighty power, Smight threw her attacker off. It was lightly done, only sending her opponent several feet back and still standing.

The hametsu chuckled as she pulled one of her chains up, "Is that all you've got, Little Vanessa?" She then threw her heavy iron chain flying at her like a whip, meaning to send her flying back with a flick of its tale. This match is interesting, very interesting! However, my clan's strength surpasses all!

As the chains flashes forth, Smight laughed. The return mock sending waves upon waves forward of her confidence.

[Deception and Discord]

“Who are you calling little,” Vanessa said aloud as she vaulted forward towards the chain whip. In mid vault her nimble frame and enhanced physical reflexes showed as Vanessa kicked of the tip of the oncoming chain and was send fling upward into the rafters of the large room. “You’re a girl fighting in a warriors contest.” With these last words Vanessa vanished in the poorly illuminated rafters. From below Smight would have little chance notice Vanessa lurking from rafter to rafter, but to the crowd of spectators Vanessa was still well within view.

Smight looked on into the darkness where Vanessa vanished into hoping to see her, but Vanessa had already been moving lightly across the room. Her every footstep place with finesse out of sight of her opponent. Then as quickly as she ascended Vanessa dropped down from the shadows behind Smight. The audience’s anticipation grew as they watched Vanessa with all her great speed begin a full formed sprint at her unaware opponent.

A slight roar over took the audience as Vanessa yelled out “Watch your blind spots!” and threw off her coat towards Smight. The young Orderling turned and saw the lard blue blur of a coat coming at her and reacted accordingly by sending two quick and precise chain whips at it piercing it and sending it soaring across the room. Vanessa’s distraction was a complete success as she quickly dropped down to the ground and swinging her leg hard taking the feet from under her opponent.

Smight fell hard onto her back and Vanessa needed to take this quick moment to prove her point. She pushed back to her feet and with one quick movement brought her foot high above her leg then forced it down aimed directly for Smight’s upper chest. But it was for not as the young girl was not fooled so easily and was ready to react.

Smight with both her hand caught Vanessa’s foot and threw her aside like it she weighed nothing more than a dog. “I don’t need advice from you!” She said as she watched Vanessa slide back on her feet a couple steps away.

“Know this girl if I wanted to kill you I could have right then.” Vanessa said as pretended to drag her blade across her neck mocking her.

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight gritted her teeth as the Vanessa mocked her, "I'll show you..." With that, she stuck a string to her scythe, transforming it into a bow. She plucked an arrow in and shot it towards her opponent, expecting her to dodge. When she did, Smight raced up to her and swung several times. However, her opponent dodged nimbly.

Smight though, smirked. As she continued swiping, she telekineticly lifted one of her chains and wrapped it around her leg. The girl scoffed, "Got you." She grabbed the chain and pulled her down. With that, Smight pulled the chain again and threw her to the other side of her. Smight turned to face her with a smug grin on her face and loosened the chain. Smight still felt a bit battered from Vanessa's last attack, this was simply payback. Smight loosened the string to her main weapon and walked over to Vanessa with it.

"Do not mock my people, dearie. It is not good for your health." And she thrusted her scythe towards her chest.

[Deception and Discord]

Not a single millisecond was spared as Vanessa weighed her options; but she knew she needed to end this as quickly as possible. The goal was to end this without using fatal blows, yet the young Smight on the other hands truly wanted to kill Vanessa or so it seemed. Her mighty scythe came down with speed yet Vanessa was faster; she will all her momentum rolled to the right twice before quickly grabbing Smight’s chain still loosely wrapped around her leg. The spy then forced the tip of her trench knife into a link of her chain only to break it with one hard twist.

“Oh, Dearie” She said mocking the young girl. She chuckled softly and let a grim creep upon her face only to then frown. “I never said a word about your people, but you are worth something. Aren’t you?” The vixen of the night said not really as a question but as a statement.

Vanessa spared no time and lunged herself forward and slid on one knee towards the girl. With trench knife in hand she kicked up with the greatest speed she could muster and sliced at Smight like a crescent moon. He blow not deadly but severely painful if it landed, this would be her message to the crowd.

Many of the members of the crowd watched with anticipation to see how this would play out for the two.

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight scoffed. Another deadly blow aimed at her. Smight blocked it with her scythe. She was briefly - briefly taken back by the force of that blow. Smight was strong though, holding the blades in an extremely tight block. One losing edge for her was that scythes were not the best for blocking. With her power though, she was barely able to hold on.

She gritted her canine teeth as she reflected on Vanessa's words. "I never said a word about your people..."

"You are mistaken," the FlameShadow growled, "Say anything against me, you've also wronged my people."

Smight pulled herself back, breaking the tight lock. She eyed Vanessa with dark intent, "Do not insult a dead nation..."

She aimed another swing at Vanessa. It simply aimed to unnarn her. At the same time, Smight would telekineticly move her chain to swing around her arm. If she could do this, she would be able to throw a final blow.

The people cheering around them did not matter, Vanessa did not matter. Only her people did. That was what she was fighting for... the close to extinct hametsu.

[Deception and Discord]

Vanessa saw Smight move a portion of her chain aimed at her own arm, this poor girl must think the same fashion of trick would work again. She would be sadly mistaken; Vanessa side stepped the scythe will ease as it wasn’t even aimed well. Then once in the clear of her blade Vanessa straightened her fingers and let one of her trench knives fall to the ground. All in fluid motion the second she dropped one of her weapons she reached out quicker than her opponent expected and grabbed the length of her chain.

“Now fucking listen here!” Vanessa cried and as she did the crowd grew silent. “By all means defend your dying clan, but this is not the way to do it.” Vanessa pulled Smight just a smidge forward by yanking back on the chain then releasing it well to the side. “You want to fight with the big boys and girls that’s fine, but no one will show you any mercy here!” The crowd cheered.

Smight must have realized that a switch within her opponent had been flipped as Vanessa’s grey eyes almost glazed over with murderous intent. In reality Vanessa had no desire to continue other than to teach this girl that she was playing with fire. Then without any warning Vanessa positioned her foot under her dropped blade and kicked it up at Smight. Twisting in midair her knife soared true to Smight as it ricocheted against her helm.

A distraction was all she needed; Vanessa had closed the gap between the pair and started to mercilessly slash at her with her remaining knife. In perfect sequence the two dodged one another’s strike with the level of skill expected by the two. But this was it, there was to be no more play time. The enraged spy vaulted over the girl and with one powerful kick knocked the girl to the ground.

Smight rose and continued their dance for a few more strokes before the two caught each other in a beautiful clash of steel. Both parties locked in intense eye contact, neither able to look away. It was as plain as day that both hadn’t pulled out any of their trump cards in this fight. Yet equally clear that neither of them wanted too. Their eyes said it all to one another, Vanessa recognizing Smight’s true strength and conviction were as Smight understood Vanessa’s words.

“Let’s just put on one last show for the audience…” Vanessa whispered to Smight who still pushed against her with her scythe. “After all we are just Master Ulroke’s toys.” She finished. Their blades scratched up and down each other, tension or rather faked tension thick in the air. “You lead ill fallow you.”

[Sekkekkyū]

Smight scoffed as they continued on, "Vanessa, we are not toys. We're people with purpose. I have a goal in life, don't you? I for one, am willing to play with hellfire to do it." The girl smirked, overconfident as one could come, "I don't give crap for that crowd, but it should be fun to end this with a bang."

The two women smirked at each other and broke their block. They stepped several feet back and threw their weapons aside.

All at once, they raced towards each other, Vanessa swiping up Smight's helmet.

Right when they met, they each did seperate things. Smight aimed a one-hundred percent powered punch for her head, and Vanessa rammed the helmet into her head.

The crowd screamed, the girls shouted, the room came to life when- ...

...


~~~

Both fell to the ground, unconscious, at the exact same moment.

The match was over. Just like that.

A tie.


Done.

[Quentin Boone]

Thread Title: TDW:CHE - ROUND 1 - Smight vs Vanessa (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28145)
Judgment Type: Condensed Rubric
Participants: Deception and Discord vs Sekkekkyū



Plot: 10 --- 11
Deception and Discord: Story - 3; Setting - 4; Pacing - 3
Sekkekkyū: Story - 3; Setting - 4; Pacing - 4

The story here lacked real purpose and felt disconnected from either character and their wider story arcs. Linking to past events and alluding to future ones is a way to really link even the simplest battle to a character's overarching plot.

There was very little description of the setting throughout the post from both writers, and on occasion it was inconsistent. For example, when Vanessa left the mess hall through the door, it was supposed to be the arena the two were supposed to fight in, but they never get to the actual arena from the descriptions given.

Overall, the pacing of the battle was far too quick. Everything moved far too quickly to really make sense. Part of this was because of the bunnying throughout the thread.

Sekkekkyū won out here as her pacing didn't suffer quite so badly from the issues mentioned below in the Prose section.



Character: 13 --- 13
Deception and Discord: Communication - 5; Action - 4; Persona - 4
Sekkekkyū: Communication - 5; Action - 4; Persona - 4

The personalities of both characters didn't come through well at all. While there was some indication of their general personas, it was just that - an indication. A lot of what can bring characters to life was lost due to both writers taking control of both characters.

Actions were, for the most part appropriate and seemed to fit with the characters and their abilities, as did the communication between both characters.

To get a higher score here, I couldn't more strongly advise against such drastic bunnying for the entire thread. If each post's attention is split between the two main characters, the depth that a reader expects is much, much harder to achieve.



Prose: 8 --- 11
Deception and Discord: Mechanics - 3; Clarity - 3; Technique - 2
Sekkekkyū: Mechanics - 4; Clarity - 4; Technique - 3

Both writer's posts had multiple spelling and grammatical errors, a lot of which would have been caught with a proof read or putting posts through a spell checker. Many of these errors damaged the pace of the writing, as mentioned above.

There was little in terms of imagery to add colour to the writing of the thread, and where tension could have been built, it wasn't.

Clarity was hurt by the points above about setting and pacing, and was further hurt by mechanical errors.

If you work on other areas of the rubric along with running your work through a spellchecker and proofreading it, the score for Prose will organically improve, so don't be overly concerned about it right now.

Sekkekkyū won out here smply due to having less mechanical errors in her writing.



Wildcard: 4 --- 4

There isn't really anything to say here that hasn't already been said in the commentary. I'm looking forward to see future work from both of you so I can see improvements.



Final Score: 35---39

Sekkekkyū (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17452) Wins!:


450 EXP!
47 GP!

Congratulations!


Deception and Discord (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17602) Receives:


150 EXP!
24 GP!




Sekkekkyū receives 1 OOC Point for the purposes of The Deadliest Warrior: Crimson Hand Edition tournament. Neither competitor receives an IC point due to the fight ending in a draw.

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!