Bite the Hand that Bleeds

[Tamashī]

Closed to BlackAndBlueEyes.

... "But I'm immune..."

Death. Nothing but death everywhere. They all died... from the very thing they loved...

Yellow eyes opened and glowed in the darkness, followed by a sigh of sorrow. A light suddenly flickered on. It revealed a stone street, several torches, dust covered, wood stages, and a girl standing silently there.

She blinked wildly for a moment, processing the light of the flaming torches. She stood there with no armor. Simple cloth woven into bizarre design covered an undernourished body. A sword was slung on her back, a bone dagger attached on a miniature sheath on the sword's sheath. A crude bow was slung over her, five arrows in a crappy quiver found on her waste. An empty glass veil was hanging on a neck of skin white as snow... hair dark as the night.

A single, complex tattoo was across the right side of her face, a tattoo that spoke of a long gone race... and how this girl, Jamini Tantibus, survived.

The girl, no older than sixteen, looked over from the old, rotted board she stood on. The Citadel was a place where the strong fought the strong. Having a fear of death, especially seeing countless unbearable things, caused this girl to race towards this place... a the monks of survival.

She silently waited, hand on the hilt of her Tantibus Cutter, for the strong... Jamini could only hope she was strong too.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

All bunnies approved, dawg.

So, it turns out I'm immune.

To alcohol.

My one sweet release from the world around me. All the death that follows me everywhere I go--not all of it by my hands. Just a little buzz in order to blur the chaos, the backstabbing, the horrors, the pleading looks burned into my memory. Just a little something to help me forget the messes I seem to be a part of on a near-daily basis.

So, of course, this means I had to fall back on my first addiction. Yep; The Citadel.

Leave it to me to resort to bloodshed to forget bloodshed, right?

I have a good reason to come back to the Radasanth institution time and time again, though. An intense battle to the death between combatants in here is born out of the spirit of healthy competition. Two people enter a fight chamber, beat the ever-loving daylights out of each other, get patched up nice and neat by the talented Ai'Brone monks, shake hands, and maybe become fast friends. It's the spirit of the fight that brings me and my opponent together, rather than the need to kill each other to appease our unseen masters or tick off a box on a contract. It's the joy and the rush of a no-consequence battle that really speaks to some base desire deep inside me. For how much I hate what I've become, in the hallowed halls of the Citadel, I feel most at ease... at home.

It's a whole different beast, y'know?

Today's trip saw me transported to something that looked much like the moonlit streets of Tirel in Salvar, where I had made my temporary home before I got tangled up with the Crimson Hand. A blanket of stars twinkled overhead as a light breeze blew at my back, tossing strands of my raven hair across the skin of my neck. It was nighttime, which meant I was basically operating at normal power. I adjusted the leather holster of The Last Resort as it rested on my hip, praying that I wouldn't find myself on the business end of the sword of one of the more capable fighters that occasionally wandered in.

The cobblestone streets were wide, flanked by buildings constructed with brick and wood. Sconces holding lit torches offered a modicum of light, just enough to illuminate the wooden elevated stage that was before me. In the middle of the disc, I could see the form of a woman as the light from the flames danced on her face. She was short and thin, with a girlishly-beautiful and tattooed face that told me she was not quite a child, but not yet a woman. She was dressed in some sort of hodgepodge of black and red rags, with bits of leather guards and stuff here and there. My eyes darted towards the sword slung casually over her shoulder, resting in a cheap-looking scabbard. Poor girl wasn't much to look at, really.

I undid the metal clasp that held my sifan cloak around my shoulders, letting it fall to the stone street as I climbed up onto the wooden stage. I had kept my garb simple today; my arctic leather bodice, black pants, and leather boots. My vine-knit arms were on full display as I threw them out to the side in some sort of grand gesture. Under normal circumstances, I would've preferred to sneak up behind my prey and eliminate them with extreme prejudice; but that's not how you do things in the Citadel. It's unsportsmanlike.

"M'name's Madison," I said with a faint smile. "I assume you're my opponent for today?"

[Tamashī]

She does not look well....weird arms.

Jamini blinked herself out out of it.

The Tantibus tightened the grip of her sword, swinging on her back - then suddenly reached and pulled out her oak bow instead, "Yeah. My name's Jamini Tantibus, nice to meet you..."

She still couldn't get off how awkward she looked. This Madison wasn't sick with anything, an expert at disease and venom could see that. Something else was going on here, something she couldn't understand.

She was sure willing to try and find out though.

The Tantibus pulled her bow out and plucked an arrow into it. She pulled it back, like she was trained since birth, and aimed. She did something before shooting though. Barely having stepped into the light even here, she stepped back into the dark shadows of this nameless night. Only two, yellow eyes glared out, all else seemingly taken by the darkness. Suddenly, an oak arrow flew out of the shadows, back into the light of the torches, screaming above the stone road, over to Madison.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

The young girl stepped into a darkened area of the wooden platform, deftly unslinging her bow and nocking an arrow. The distinct twang of the bowstring echoed through the night as she released it. The shaft ripped through the air two inches to my left as I quickly juked out of the way. Boots pounded stone as I rushed the stage.

I muttered a soft curse. I almost felt the wind off the shaft as it sailed past my neck. That was a close call.

A faint amount of torchlight flickered on Jamini's worried face. In the brief lick of light, I noticed that there was something odd about her eyes. They almost looked amber in hue--not something you see every day.

I leaped off the stone streets and onto the raised wooden platform. I had to act before she could grab another arrow out of her quiver. Rip The Last Resort out of its holster and show her some real close calls? Nah--too soon. Jamini was out of range from my plague breath and vines, so those were out of the question. If I continued to rush her, she could let loose another arrow and ruin my day.

I opted for a different plan. Two pools of acid formed in the palms of my briar-knit hands, crystalizing slowly as oxygen mixed with it. I pivoted my right foot behind me, and with a cry, threw both of my hands out. The crystalized acid burst forth from my palms in a cloud of dozens of jagged amber shards, traveling towards the young archer at a considerable speed. I couldn't completely make out her form in the shadows that enveloped her; but if my aim was true, then she would be in for a world of hurt.

[Tamashī]

Being able to see in the darkness, Jamini was instantly able to tell when Madison's attack was coming. She stepped away before the shards of green were fired.

Now, she was behind her opponent. From the sound of huge shattering from where she was several moments ago, Jamini could tell she was dealing with a pro... so Jamini decided to hit Madison with her signature.

A girl could only go so fast, but the Tantibus decided to make a break for it. She cast her bow down and ran towards her opponent. All Jamini wanted to do was get one bite in... Jamini had the genetic trait from her people to inject venom into anyone she bit. That was all she needed. Only a minute from that bite, her opponent would be all groggy and nauseous. She smirked as she raced right up to her. She reached towards the closest arms, just hoping to grab it and crunch with those sharp canines she had. Only that much was all that was needed...

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

The numerous shards of acid slipped into the shadows, quickly followed by the sounds of crystallized acid shattering against the wood and stone beyond. I was disappointed to not hear the young woman's cries and screams; but was pleased to note that she was able to get out of the way in time. Good; that means perhaps I would have a worthy opponent tonight.

Now, if I could only see where she had gone to.

I cast quick scanning glances all around me, searching for telltale movements in the shadows or a shred of light glinting off a fresh arrowhead or dagger blade. This Jamini girl was out there somewhere, lurking, waiting for a moment to strike. I turned briefly to look behind me--just for the briefest of moments, mind you--only to see the cobblestone streets behind me, empty of all activity save for the orange light of the torches casting a soft glow. I whipped back around as the sound of running footsteps thundered out from the darkness.

Jamini had emerged from the shadows at full speed catching me entirely by surprise. Her hands were up and her mouth, strangely enough, was wide open. Maybe she wanted to catch both both a fist to the face and some bugs while she was at it? Surprised as I was, I reacted poorly. Rather than plant a solid boot into the charging girl's stomach, I wildly swung my right arm around in an effort to club her across the cheek. The young girl anticipated this, and grabbed on tightly to my arm with both hands before biting down.

It wasn't pain, or shock, or any of the usual feelings that ran through my mind when someone bites down on your arm. It was but a single thought. Did this silly bitch just bite my arm? Why, yes, she did!

The young archer began wrestling with my vine-knit limb, trying to tear away the thick green flesh. I scowled, really more out of disappointment of this tactic of hers than anything, and latched onto her face with my free left hand. I jammed my thumb and pinkie into her temples and two more fingers into a soft spot on the top of her skull, and squeezed. The black-haired girl whimpered at first, fighting hard against my iron grip. But as the seconds passed she cried out into the night and let go of my right arm.

In that moment, with her mouth wide open in a deafening scream, her teeth were stained with a yellowish, almost amber liquid that dripped down onto her lower lip. Huh. Very interesting.

Jamini fought against my grip to no avail. She grabbed onto my left wrist with both hands and tried to wrestle herself loose as I spun her around into the light of a nearby wall sconce, hoping to get a better look at her mouth. This bright liquid continued to ooze out from the roof of her mouth, somewhere behind her teeth. It was splashing on her lip with every pained gasp and cry that came out of the girl's mouth.

Venom, of some sort? It was certainly a most curious thing. My own sense of curiosity regarding all things disease and acid overtook my lust for blood. I made a mental note to hunt her down in the depths of the Citadel's recovery ward after I was done dismantling her to see what else I could discover from it.

But first, business. With a hearty push, I shoved the young lady away from me. Jamini stumbled backwards along the wooden planks of the elevated stage, trying to regain her balance and shake away the pain I had inflicted through pressure points. As she recovered, I swiftly closed the distance between us and sent a nasty right hook towards her exposed jaw.

[Tamashī]

Ow...

The Tantibus still felt like whimpering after that epicly failed attempt to bite her opponent, the odd woman didn't seem at all effected either... Jamini barely noted the next move Madison made, but even in her new found lightheadedness stepped back in a dodge. The bruised girl reached for her head in pain, as if she could still feel her head being squeezed, she reached with her other hand to the bone knife slung on her back. This wasn't going well at all...

Jamini was dealing with fight vs. flight. She hated running, and already fueled by the certain death of her entire clan, she fought.

She pulled her bone knife out and flung it into the typical reversed grip. She was only inches from the length of Madison, so at the same time pulled out another arrow and flung it out towards her opponent. Right after she loosened her grip on her arrow, the half crazed girl went after her opponent with the knife. Janini hoped that the surprise from the arrow would get her a good swing with the bone knife.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

The lucky little archer had stumbled out of the way of my fist, writhing around in agony and clutching her head after I took advantage of some pressure points. She stumbled past me as I quickly recovered from the whiff and corrected my stance, putting up my dukes and preparing for any counterattack she might mount.

In what had to be a fit of desperation, Jamini reached over her to the leather quiver and ripped out one of her wooden arrows and flung it at me. It was easily dodged, of course; but in the moment that I ducked to the left to give the shaft space to harmlessly tumble past me, the venomous little girl produced a nasty-looking ivory dagger and swung at me wildly.

I muttered a curse and put my arms up. From just above my right elbow, two knotted vines burst from my skin and crawled up the length of my forearm. The young woman had decent speed and technique, and her reverse grip reminded me very much how I like to hold my own sharp toys, but the strength of my vines held fast against the blade. Bone collided with brair; but the vines were too tough for the dagger to slice through.

In that moment, there was a laundry list of nasty things I could've done. A quick, targeted strike to break some ribs. A chokehold takedown to asphyxiate her. Grab her wrist, disarm her, and stab her to death with her own knife.

I opted for a more signature means of neutralizing her.

My lungs quickly filled with a nauseous purple smoke, which I exhaled in a thick cloud of plague inches from the girl's face. It would take an act of the gods for her not to inhale it and let Freebird's Bane take over, slowly corrupting her, slowly killing her.

[Tamashī]

Jamini coughed when a purple smoke came over her. Some form of poison? She could handle it... but wait, she started to feel... weird... Eyes started to blur, her lungs felt tight...

But... I'm immune...

Jamini threw her hands, she didn't want to give up. She didn't want to die either, though! Yellow eyes narrowed as she stepped back into the darkness in messy steps. Her eyes glowed, "I-I'm... immune."

Denial was no tool though. What on earth was going on? Why did she feel sick like this? She kept repeating it over and over. "I'm immune! I'm immune!"

Yet somehow she wasn't.

She lifted her shaking hands in front of her face, "Don't let me die... like them."

She glared one more time at Madison. It was a face of fear, pain, and desire... desire to be something more.

"Monks," the Tantibus whispered, "Do something."

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

There was something about the way the venomous little girl looked at me as she retreated into the shadows that struck a chord with me. Whether it intrigued or irritated me, I'm not entirely sure. But it was a very curious look. One of surprise, one of fear (that's a look I can recognize a mile away), one of... wanting?

Most curious. Most curious indeed.

There was something about the girl that reminded me a lot of myself when I had been exiled from my family. The girl had fought me with an edge of viciousness brought on by loneliness and desire... But had caused her to take on these traits? She definitely had a raw talent, that's for sure. Not a lot of people, especially her age, are skilled enough to get that close to me in combat.

A brilliant flash of light erupted from the shadows, signaling Jamini's extraction from the arena. The monks quickly pulled me out soon after. I found myself in the familiar bland, torch-lit stone chamber that was the inside of the space where the Ai'Brone worked their magic to create the expansive combat stages their patrons fight to the death in. I turned the iron handle and pushed the door open.

I was immediately greeted by a very angry face on top of a set of billowing brown robes. "Ms. Freebird, what did you do to that girl in there?"

I frowned at the monk a bit, my brow as knotted as my hands. "I beg your pardon?"

"That young woman you just battled. What did you do to her? Her health is slowly deteriorating as we speak. We've got three of our best healers in the infirmary right now working on her. What sort of poisons did you introduce to her system?"

"Not poisons, plague," I said matter-of-factly, my face remaining stoic.

The monk of the Citadel regarded me for a second, muttered a thanks, and then turned on his heels and rushed back towards the medical ward to adjust Jamini's treatment. I followed behind, but at a more leisurely pace. I took my time walking through the hallowed halls of that great building, the sun's rays shining through the panes of stained glass, casting the colorful figures of great warriors of legend onto the elaborate stonework floor.

It was several minutes before I found myself in front of the infirmary's archway. As I arrived, four monks--including the jerk who yelled at me as I emerged from my battle--all were on their way out. They were all sweating and drained from the numerous spells they had to cast in order to cure the young lady I had put in there. The lot of them all shot me dirty looks full of a different kind of vitriol. I simply smiled at them as they walked past.

I peeked inside the expansive room. The familiar smell of sterility filled my nostrils. "Hey, Jamini? Are you awake? I'd like to speak to you, if I could."

[Tamashī]

It felt like she could have already died, but only still drew breath.

Feeling exhausted, even after being cured, the pale girl kept her eyes closed... despite the images that plagued her. When she heard a somewhat familiar voice, Jamini felt her stomach churn. "..."

Several moments passed. She had two choices here. Talk to the lady who almost killed her, or continue looking back at her horrid memories.

The hametsu sighed, "... What do you want?"

It was a voice of hostility. A lot of it came from how that match had turned out. Maybe some more of it also came from the sickening smell above her nose. Whatever it was, she was too tired and scared to open her eyes and see. This was all just a nightmare... not as bad as losing the only world she knew, but still a nightmare.

So, in that darkness, she waited for an enemy to speak.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

I pursed my lips, not terribly impressed with the young woman's sass.

What was I doing in here, anyway? I could've turned on my heels and left this miserable little wretch to lie on her bed, exhausted and drained after my plague had ravaged her system. But there was something in the look she gave me before the monks pulled her out of our battle that struck a chord with me. Something that reminded me of my own horrible pain that I felt not too long ago.

(...Good grief. Sympathy for another's plight. What was happening to me in my old age?)

Instead, I moved from the archway and picked up a chair. I sat down next to Jamini as she laid there, her bite not the only thing that was venomous. Her hair lay in scattered, matted strips across her forehead as she continued to glare daggers at me. I was half-tempted to smack that look off her face, but...

I sighed. That would get me nowhere at all. It's enough that I damn-near killed the girl so badly that it carried over from our battle into the medical ward within the Citadel. I had to approach this situation with a bit more tact than I usually do--because we all know what teenagers can truly be like.

"You seem... very angry. I saw the way you looked at me after I got you sick during our little fight. I know that look all too well. That was a look of " I reached up with a briar-knit finger and wiped my own bangs out of my eyes. I didn't want to let the girl know that I was actually far more interested in the venom she tried to inject through her teeth. "Tell me. Why?"

[Tamashī]

Jamini sighed, "Well, why else?" She finally attempted to open her eyes. Eyelids briefly fell open, yellow eyes glaring into the light. The massive amount of beams lashing all at once, practically blinding her, caused her to quickly shut them again. "I was losing..."

The hametsu still felt like she couldn't move. She wanted to though. "The last time I lost, I-I... pretty much lost everything." A sigh escaped her, indeed she'd lost everything. Since the day her clan was killed, everything was gone. Somehow she'd survived, she wondered how. The Tantibus were immune to poison, yet they lost to the very thing somehow. Somehow, what happened was what happened.

How did I survive?

The answer to that question was anonymous, locked away into darker shadows than what even she could see through. The fact that she survived drove her, but her fears slowed her down. She still didn't have a clue on anything anymore. The shadows indeed were too dark to see through...

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

I frowned at this miserable wretch of a girl as she lay there in the Citadel recovery ward. So, her story was one of loss, yeah?

My mind briefly wandered to the day I was disowned by my family, the day they burned down my bookstore and secret collection, the evening I lost my arm, and the nebulous period of time where I lost my humanity and became a Briarheart.

Hers was a story I could identify with.

I pulled up a chair and sat down on it, resting my elbows on my legs and leaning forward. I put on my best den mother pants and looked at Jamini in her curious yellow eyes. "Whatever you've gone through, it must've been serious to put you in a mindset like that. I can't possibly imagine how deep your losses are, and how horribly they've affected you..."

I looked around to make sure we were alone in the ward before addressing the girl again. "Look, I want to make you an offer. A young little thing like yourself wouldn't be here in The Citadel unless she had nowhere else to go. Trust me, I know exactly how that goes. I want you to think about something this evening..."

Reaching into my satchel, I pulled out a pen, some ink, and my Archivist's Notebook. I tore out a page and scribbled an address onto it. Handing the paper to the girl, I said, "If you're lost in life, I can give you a home. Your hatred and sorrow regarding what you've lost... I can help you hone that into a set of skills that will get you through life. I know some powerful people, and we would be willing to take you under our wing."

Figured it wouldn't be worth mentioning that they'd be more interested in this girl's biology and the venom she seemed to be able to naturally produce. Not at this point, anyway.

I stood up and pushed the chair away. "Think about it, okay? I'll be staying at that place for another week or so. I can help you, if you'll let me. Come see me after you think about it for a bit."

[Mordelain]

Thread Title: Bite the Hand That Bleeds
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Tamashi, BlackandBlueEyes


Plot: 18 vs. 19

Story -

6/10 – Utilising your character’s strength as a weakness drove your story to a grounded conclusion. Be wary of using flashbacks, dream sequences, and eluding to previous events as an introduction, however. It can affect clarity, as it did in this instance, and yet it can also take the reader on a literary journey unrivalled. Don’t be afraid to master the rudiments before attempting advanced techniques.

7/10 – Drawing on ample character development (one of the benefits, and risks of writing with an established character), you deliver an effective narrative that ends in a realistic reason for a continuation thread (an achievement in the Citadel for you both). Good work.

Setting -

5/10 – Sometimes it is acceptable, and powerful to utilise abstract concepts as a setting. Here, though, in an action driving setting you require more concrete geography to place the reader in the scene. You use strong metaphors in internal dialogue and using colour, light, and sound – but refer, just here and there, to the touchable to improve your score here.

7/10 - Excellent, concrete, and identifiably illusory. Consider more abstract metaphors (and in advice to you both, find the balance between the two!)

Pacing –

7/10 – Whilst clarity was effected by post brevity and sentence structure, it improved your pacing. A frenetic, desperate urgency was apparent in your writing. Develop clarity and establish a more visual setting and you can only go from strength to strength.

5/10 – Don’t fall for the trappings of the mastermind – explaining what you’re doing needn’t happen when actions show the reader (unless other people in the story have to know, then gloat away). First person narrative always hampers pacing, especially as the character becomes more comfortable in their own skin. You’ve developed you writing so keenly one small detraction is something you should consider as a development point, not a weakness, however.

---

Character: 19 vs. 22

Communication -

6/10 – Interaction is a two way street, and both of you called and responded appropriately. As your character has an Asian influence, consider how that might translate to Althanas, and if there are inflections, accents, and mannerisms you could introduce to your character’s speech to develop her character alongside making the dialogue more engaging.

7/10 – You ooze confidence with communication and aren’t afraid to utilise NPC’s as tools as well as allies and companies. Whilst I appreciate Madison is headstrong, and feckless, consider fi she would truly speak to the Ai’bron in such a manner? If so, carry on. They’ll get her back one day!

Action -

7/10 – Neither of you claimed an edge here, as both had strong dynamic posts and left little doubt as to what, and when you were doing things. Action entirely appropriate for Citadel battles.

7/10 – Neither of you claimed an edge here, as both had strong dynamic posts and left little doubt as to what, and when you were doing things. Action entirely appropriate for Citadel battles.

Persona -

6/10 – History, loyalty, and dedication to her beliefs. That is how I would summarise after careful reading and based on the criteria for this category of the rubric. Slowly, but not too slowly, show how she reacts to these strange people she meets and how she starts to understand, perhaps fear her background.

8/10 – Ballsy, hell-bent, and stubborn to a fault. There is little doubt who and what Madison is…to reach truly enigmatic proportions, consider truly why she is doing this. What events in her life drove her to do what she does now? Knowing in your head is one thing. Making sure everyone else knows what they need to know, another entirely.

---

Prose: 17 vs. 21

Mechanics –

5/10 – Providing an in-depth analysis of mechanics is a lengthy process, and rather than dictate it to you, I would like to offer a workshop/mentoring opportunity to you both. If you would like to pursue this (opening the thread to the forum as a workshop purely for mechanics), it can be arranged. It will not affect the rubric score, but it will provide insight into how to develop your writing.

7/10 – As above.

Clarity -

5/10 – Non-standard sentence structure should be avoided when using already difficult time sequencing (starting with flashbacks, referring to past events, etc.). I went to the shop, as opposed to the shop went I, for example. I was uncertain of what was thought, narrative, and descriptive in most posts. Put some of the thoughts into speech, to diversify your writing (or italicise more, as you have done in parts).

6/10 – With such a strong character voice, I would suggest as a development trial that you tone down the concrete descriptions and focus on your strength – Madison’s view of the world, rather than a textbook ‘walks up stone steps, opens the brass door’. You have pithy dialogue peppered through your post, use it to integrate scenery with action and character.

Technique -

6/10 – Technique is present, and it’s intent clear. IN going forward, identify three literary devices you want to use as part of your character’s identity (alliteration, foreshadowing, and/or enjambment, for example), and research them. Look at how they have been applied in a variety of texts and see if you can integrate them. If not, move on to another until you find something you feel excited about.

8/10 – As above, though with commendation for mastery of first person writing and sarcasm and wit as dry as lands Madison leaves dead in her wake.

---

Wildcard:

6/10 – A strong debut, Tamashi. I like your character’s futility, a sort of numbing acceptance of facts in her life. Your introduction, though perhaps unclear in parts drew me in as a reader and created a suspenseful situation that kept me guessing as to her motives, and to the thread’s eventual outcome. I am glad to see you join Althanas, and look forward to more writing from you.

7/10 – A strong first person narrative is difficult. Time and time again, you deliver an emotive and involving character despite the mechanical restrictions. Madison is a delight to read, even if she makes me want to punch her in the face. With a bazooka. You played to your strengths and reacted ritualistically to your opponent and delivered yet again.

Final Score: 60 vs. 69

Tamashi receives:

750 EXP!
100 GP!

BlackandBlueEyes receives:

3150 EXP!
200 GP!

Congratulations to BlackandBlueEyes!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added.