Every Dog His Day (Open)

[Arden]

A simple stone circle. Eight figureheads carved into a celestial calendar of a forgotten civilisation. Ten feet between each stone, sixty feet between opposite stones. An arena of flat grass, jade green in the mid-afternoon sun, suffered the presence of a madman.

“An unworthy opponent, as ever,” he snarled.

Eyes narrowed, fangs bloodied and extended, the Hound watched the Ai’bron monks drag a lifeless elf from the dome. Through the portal into the Citadel halls, they bore another victim of the swordsman’s wrath. Self-pity cleaved a crimson swathe through the ranks of would-be heroes keen to test blades and battle plans with strangers and sycophants.

“You do yourself disservice, Arden-san,” encouraged the Grandmaster.

Beneath the trademark brown hood, cowling the wearer and hiding his body and face from the world, the monk gestured to the small stone table at the circle’s heart. Arden had used it as an appropriate altar to gut his opponent and pay tribute to whichever fickle gods spurned him so. A challenge. It was all he wanted. A thirst needed sating, and here, the well was dry.

“Vorkuta-san,” the swordsman said, turning to bow at his mentor. “Send another.” He righted, placed a gloved hand on the hilt of his great sword, and walked without further word or outburst to the altar. It glistened with blood in the sunlight, tarnishing the illusory idyll with a portent of another man’s grisly end.

Arriving at the centre he set a steel-toed boot onto the rock and admiral-like, waited.

[Silence Sei]

Thwelve months.

It was at least a year since Arden Janelle approached Sei Orlouge and told his tale. It was three months since Arden Janelle decided to in his own words; take a leave of absence from the Ixian Knights in order to assist the perils afflicting Akashima. Three Months Sei Orlouge awaited the return of his greatest rival and trusted confidant only to be left wanting. The Mystic knew better than anybody how long pilgrimages could take, he himself took one for over three years, so he was naturally patient in Arden’s glorious return.

Then he heard the rumors.

Some warrior sought to take on all challengers in a certain room in the citadel. As the story was told, this warrior did not sleep, nor did he seem to take a break between bouts. This was, at least in Sei’s eyes, a man with a death wish. The mere thought of such a man being determined to die not only baffled the telepath, but also reminded him of the Tantalum Troupe. Duffy Bracken, one of the first Ixian Knights ever, ran another group known as the Tantalum that also set up a temporary residence in Ixian Castle. Every member, from Duffy Bracken to Ruby La Roux to Arden Janelle all seemed to share the tendency of ‘rebirth’ through death and more often than not put themselves in precarious predicaments that allowed for such deaths to take place.

The tales of the Citadel warrior struck Sei Orlouge as DéjÃ* vu. It was his inkling feeling that this solitary soldier was a former member of the Tantalum that brought the ‘Dragon of Drantrak’ to the citadel. He was pointed to the room thanks to some of the monks who also tended to those that were felled by the fierce fighter. As the Mystic approached the brown oak door, the entryway burst open and an elf of all things was dragged out.

Must be in the right spot. Sei walked through the door and was greeted with the scent of nature, the allure of fresh spring grass and the awkward sense of large rocks that accompanied it. His nose twitched as though it was confused at the melded aroma and his eyes shifted to find the man he was looking for. Arden Janelle stood in the middle of their stony circle that he set for the battlefield. The strategist’s instincts were spot on.

Sei rubbed the bridge of his nose as he began to walk up to his longtime rival. “Once again Arden, we meet one another with our weapons drawn. I take it there will be no talking sense into you and bringing you back to Ixian Castle?”

[Arden]

Arden Janelle’s loyalty to the Ixian Knights never faltered. Years spent serving the ‘greater good’ were in truth serving corrupted ideals. He lost his sense of self-worth. His identity became a title, one to which men aspired and monsters flocked.

His boot scraped against stone as he pulled it back to stand tall. His pauldron glinted in the sunlight as it waxed and waned behind roiling pure white clouds. Preparations. Divine game of chess. Pawns, the both of them, and ignorant of it.

“After Kyla, Sei…there is no returning to Ixian Castle for me.” Arden bowed.

News of Kyle Orlouge’s death was a bitter blossom amongst her family’s wilting garden of death, destruction, and heartache. Corruption had sown seeds within the castle, and Arden blamed himself for setting her on that path. Wherever his resurrection spell had a part to play in her downfall, he could not be sure. Guilt, however, made mockery of a stout heart.

“You can go,” he said over his shoulder. The Grandmaster bowed. “This is more than I could hope for.” He turned to Sei. “Do you know what I have done these last months?”

The war against the Greater Oni was visceral, guttural, and harrowing. Six months after their battle with the Komodo, Yanbo Harbour was still in ruins, and the Ochre Palace in the heart of Capitol city crumbled and cracked as time decayed. The death of the Kami of War clawed at the spirit world, the very fabric of Arden’s homeland. Another sacrifice. Another mistake. Another wrong to right.

Saving Akashima? Sei replied.

“No.” Arden shook his head. He walked carefully around the altar. Once, he would have charged head on. “I went to Akashima to kill monsters. All I did was discover I was the monster all along.” He lifted his sword with two hands. Firm. Defiant. Robust defence against an unbeatable foe. He smirked. Fangs protruded. Blood pumped.

To illustrate, Arden ran his right palm over the sword’s edge. The pain was devilish but the blood keened his grip. He held his sword in his right hand, and drew a sigil of strength with bloodied fingers. Blood magic. Sacrifice. Abhorrent force.

“I am glad it is you that will end my life, Sei Orlouge. Free me of Scara Brae’s chains.” He gestured to his pauldron, the symbol of his rank amongst the Scourge. “Free me of my life with the Ixian and the troupe.” The admission surprised Sei, though as Arden bolted towards him, self-preservation forced him to act now, ask questions later.

Arden prepared for the myriad ways in which Sei could strike him down, in case opportunity gave him the chance to at least blink through the man’s guard and strike. A dying dog’s rabid bark. A victory blow amidst a death throw well deserved. His bulwark armour thundered. The skies burnt with rays of sun volcanic in brightness. The ring of stones served as posy to a curse all men in power succumbed to in time. Fame.

[Silence Sei]

Then mention of Kyla Orlouge caused her adoptive father’s eyebrow to twitch. He resisted the urge to strike the warrior down instantly. The emotional wounds of his daughter’s death still lingered in the Mystic; the final words he told her still racked his mind with guilt. His stomach turned itself into knots, and the upper lip of the usually calm ‘Avatar of Alerar’ formed into a scowl. It was one thing to have a death wish, but a complete mother to mention the dead so soon after their funeral.

He spun to his left as Arden charged and left the swordsman to continue on his rampage. Blades of grass were tossed into the air not only from Arden’s foolhardy charge but also from the orange haired Mystic’s dodge. The maneuver positioned Sei only a few inches away from one of the stone pillars that encircled the two of them. Sei rolled his shoulders as his scowl began to fade.

“Let us not talk of her right now, Arden, Sei requested, “I am responsible for her death, not you. If it were not for my words, she would not have stormed off into her doom. Not everybody can come back from dying a week after they meet the end of a blade.” His words were meant to be a sort of jab not only at the swordsman but his whole extended ‘family’ as well. The Tantalum treated the gates to the afterlife like a revolving door.

He reached down and grabbed his dual chakrams, his go-to weapons for the start of combat. Her reared his right arm back and threw the bladed ring to his left. The metal weapon slammed against the stone and created a flurry of sparks as it bounced off the object. The projectile flew through the air and slammed into an adjacent rocky landmark and flew straight towards the back of Arden’s neck. The display was elaborate enough to allow the former Ixian to turn around, but that would only make the front of his neck more vulnerable for the killing blow.

“Shall we finish this quickly, then?”

[Arden]

Arden’s smile turned to a smirk. Sei recognised the masque of a madman. The Mystic had seen it time and time again.

“Always,” was the swordsman’s reply.

He vanished. Ribbons danced around the altar like remoras feeding on a whale carcass. The chakram returned to Sei’s hand as Arden reappeared. A fresh burst of ribbons erupted from the swordsman, and a rumbustious chorus of drums and piano rolls incited riots in the audience.

“Though I have to say one thing...” His smirk faded. He turned his sword so the blade was away from Sei, and lifted his right foot. He set it down, and half-turned away from the mute as though he were harbouring a trinket he refused to share with another. “It really is not as simple as ‘just getting up again’.”

Death, for the Tantalum troupe, was horrifying. Whilst they were reborn, each death was another ember on fire of eternal torment. Memories became burdens. Burdens became habits.

Arden shunted forwards to unleash The Hound. It leapt from his bestial pauldron. Its paws left crates when it landed. A bark. A thunder. A companion.

“Our friends make it bearable, though.” The mastiff leapt at Sei.

Arden leapt after the hound and put up a veil of utter silence. He would not allow cries of pain to sway him. A blade struck chakram. The chakram parried a follow-up. A boot knocked the Mastiff. The Mastiff snapped at Sei’s ankle. The standing circle loomed. The sky darkened. Bloodlust filled the arena.

[Silence Sei]

Sei pushed his opponent back quickly as the canine sought its victim with a massive bite. The maw of the beast could have easily taken the Mystic’s leg but instead it met with a jaw full of shattered glass. Sei looked to the beast and raised an eyebrow, his lips contorted in such a way that –he- looked as though he was in pain. His gaze went back to Arden as the rest of the shattered glass from Mystic Protection shattered and flew out towards the dog’s master.

The mute did not bother to ask any more questions; Arden’s barrier silenced everything within it but not the telepath’s mental speaking, but Sei knew when to take a hint. He rubbed the bridge of his nose again as he sheathed the chakram, his weapon of choice replaced with the battle fan known as Kadarus. He waved the fan towards the whimpering animal at his side, as though the wind would relieve the bloodied mouth of the hurt beast.

The dog rose quickly and turned, a growl at its master that was never heard. With two silent barks, the beast struck the hand that fed him. The power of Kadarus carried with it the enchanted scent of the soenma flower, a rose that could sway anything with love into doing what the master commanded. The strategist put the battle fan back in place as he rolled his shoulders and raised his hand towards Arden.

He moved his fingers back and forth, enough for his fellow mute swordsman to know what he was saying.

Just bring it.

[Arden]

Word tricks were a necessary part of any good leader’s repertoire. Arden himself had used them time and time again when necessary. Misdeeds and rhyme to lead the unwise into wise action. People he trusted and loved died at the hands of such oral devilry. The swordsman smirked at the man’s gesture. Futile. Sei Orlouge should know better than to goad the Maester of the Scara Scourge. Gull and tact were Arden’s game. Sei was here entirely through Arden’s design.

A fool lured by a carrot on a stick.

Shadow Mastiff and Puppet Master charged in unison. Though Sei turned the mastiff against Arden, the blade in the master’s hand swayed not in its path towards the creature’s neck. It erupted into a swathe of darkness, wrapped around the swordsman’s red cloak, and vented in his wake.

A shockwave of darkness rolled out across the arena. Arden slammed to, and his cloak wrapped around his feet as it caught up with its stationary master. He bowed, then looked up with a snarl. The bloodlust rose in his gut. His soul flared to life. The oni within roared.

The stones quaked. The same pathetic fallacy repeating itself through a lack of monk imagination. A billion arenas had served as backdrop to a billion similar encounters. As the swordsman composed himself and continued his advance at the Mystic, the crowd were all eyes on the duo. Kerria came down at the mystic in a hefty arc, strength to crush stone behind it.

[Silence Sei]

Sei’s remained as still as a statue as Arden struck down his familiar as most people would swat away a fly. The Mystic had grown used to the cruelties of the Akashima warrior, though every time such cruelty was on display the mute was brought to the brink of anger. It was his clansman’s callous attitude toward the action after that caused Sei’s upper lip to form into a sneer. What did Arden see on his pilgrimage that caused him to lose this much of his humanity?

He did not have time to ask, as the skilled warrior attacked once more, his sword reared back for what would typically by a deathblow. Sei once again sighed as he looked at the telegraphed move, the blade of his rival stopped just an inch from the orange haired strategist’s neck. The weapon bounced off as though it hit something much harder than itself as the sound of broken glass would have filled the air, if not for the silent bubble Arden ensnared the two in.

The glass from Mystic Protection shattered all around the telepath and shot forward. Sei knew that his friend was used to this technique, as well as Sei’s typical boasts while the crystalline fragments flew in every direction. Sei’s elbow came up and sought to find Arden’s chest, the Dragon of Drantrak just inches behind his magical barrier with the maneuver.

He knew he should have heard the grass rustled beneath his feet, the sword as it ricocheted off of the trademark spell of Radasanth’s protector, even the sounds of Arden’s body as they rubbed against his gear. The dome of quiet always disturbed the Mystic more than he let on, and it was that minute detail that kept him from the strategies he usually employed against this type of close-range opponent.

[Arden]

Arden’s armour protected him well. But the sphere of silence was his true defence. No tell as to his pain, the position of his blades, and the ebb and flow of battle’s effect on their landscape. Only instincts now. Only luck, guile, and wit mattered.

Flecks of glass cut exposed skin, and a single needle shard pierced his right cheek. Arden shook the pain loose like a wet dog. Instead of raindrops, glass fragments flew everywhere.

“Much less intimidating to me now,” he roared hoarsely.

The Mystic’s elbow, on the other hand, intimidated Arden very much. Sei had cracked the mithril and Arden felt his chest bruise. Blood pumped through the impact and left him winded. He clenched his wounded palm around his blade and let Kerria drink of his blood.

Arden tried to step forwards with a rapier thrust. Sei deflected it with a lazy parry, forcing Arden to over extend.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Arden slashed left with speed over accuracy. Blood flowed through his sword, empowering it to shatter steel with force alone at the cost of his life.

Sei deflected the first blow and stepped back out of a follow up. A dragon’s rage broiled and stormed in the Scourge’s lapdog. He hunched his shoulders. Muscles taught, eyes bloodshot, the swordsman fought to keep sight of himself. To keep sight of his soul.

“Every dog his day,” Arden seethed.

He launched once more into a fluster of blade strikes and feverish parries.

[Silence Sei]

The thing about Arden Janelle was that the more he was injured. The more dangerous he became. This was true for most creatures to a certain extent; a wounded animal would be quick to snap at its attacker once cornered. Arden was a different sort of animal, a mage whose magical prowess revolved around blood, and since the warrior usually found it difficult to bleed his opponent, he tended to use his own life essence or get hit my techniques he would otherwise dodge with ease.

Even as Sei got cut and nicked by the edge of his foe’s blade his eyes scanned his rival’s form for any indication of profuse bleeding. The Mystic could ill afford to let his opponent gain too much of an advantage lest the mute find himself the one in need of mercy and salvation. His chakram did well enough to redirect and outmaneuver the more vicious blows Arden had to offer but failed to completely counter the smaller attacks. Blue blood seeped from a long cut just under the Mystic’s eye to the bottom of his ear, a gash across his arm not only ripped cloth but flesh, and the tip of Arden’s sword even managed to barely pierce the Mystic’s left shoulder a bit.

The green grass was quickly staining with colors of blue, red, and the occasional purple from the two warriors as they traded even blows with one another. The flurry of attacks between the two of them showed more promise than any of the Hound’s opponent’s thus far. The stones even saw splatter patterns upon the polished and pristine grays that indicated how back and forth the two evenly matched swordsmen were.

The strategist knew he could not wait much longer in this foray of furious blows. Time was an ally to the leader of the Scourge rather than the Dragon of Drantrak, and Sei was well aware he needed to act quickly to end the battle. The twin swords on the back of the Mystic began to glow a sky blue hue and behind Arden, another orange haired Mystic quickly formed behind him. The secondary Sei drew the same swords from his back and attempted to run the former Tantalus member through. If the attack connected, it would hopefully mark the end of Arden, but if the Hound dodged, then the Avatar of Alerar would meet a most ironic fate.

[Arden]

Arden raised his blade and barred the downward strikes of the ‘real’ Sei Orlouge. He snarled over the blade and tensed his right arm. The blood running down his fingertips danced with fire. It gave him strength to push against a titan and win.

“I. Will. Always. Serve. you.”

Arden’s tempestuous words cut deep, yet Sei smiled. Butterfly wings fluttered.

I know.

Sei’s doppelganger appeared behind Arden and slipped both blades into his back. Arden gasped and dropped his blade to the grass.

You’ll always serve someone.

Sei pushed Arden back. The doppelganger stepped to one side, red hair brazen in the dying light. The atmosphere raged. The monks shook heads beneath cowls at the waste.

“Always reliant on others,” Arden sputtered. His greaves bruised his knees. He fell onto whitened knuckles and bowed his head. Defeat stemmed the rage within.

The smell of iron in Arden’s nostrils reminded him fondly of all the people that had fallen to his sword. Their deaths reminded him of all the times he, just like Sei, had killed in the name of lessons taught and hierarchy reinforced. He sniffed. His eyes blurred. He looked up at the Mystic and, without thinking, gave Sei a choice.

“Choose. Either the Hound dies, or right the wrongs of your…misguided puritanism.”

The choice, or so Arden thought, was simple. He had nowhere else to go. The troupe was gone. The Scourge needed no leader. A mercenary such as him, a merchant of death, belonged only in war.

[Silence Sei]

The sweat dripped from his face as if his pores were rainclouds. Arden Janelle was always the mute’s equal when it came to hand to hand combat, and the swordsman proved it yet again today. Arden’s words did not fall on deaf ears, and when he offered himself up to Sei like a sacrificial lamb upon an altar, the tip of the Mystic’s blade stopped just an inch before his friend’s throat. His lip raised into a sneer, as though he would take no pleasure in his actions.

He stood there for several minutes, his weapon at the ready as it threatened to pierce his foe’s jugular. The sounds of thunder could be heard in the distance, a tempest over the world to reflect the one in Sei’s heart. A low guttural sound emanated from the strategist and he withdrew his blade. He knew one thing as he stared into the other warrior’s face.

Arden was right.

Janelle always served the Ixians, served Sei, with a purpose and with honor. His loyalty was never in question, not even when he disappeared to go on his sabbatical of slaughter. Now, Arden gave the youngest Orlouge a simple decision; he could finish the task and slay his friend in this room in the citadel, and allow him to go back to the Scourge, back to Scara Brae and back to being a thorn in Queen Valeena’s side. The other option was to accept the former Monster Hunting Team leader back into the fold, and allow him to once again be honored under the banner of Ixia.

In his mind, there was no other option.

Blade was sheathed, hand was extended, and words were spoken.

“I have missed you, friend.”

[Arden]

Epilogue

In castle ruined, an empire of dirt left to the memories of the madness that transpired there, a swordsman stood forlorn and lost. His red cloak, half blood, half cloth, whipped to life as the wind rolled in heavy from the cold and embittered north. The smell of pine, fresh from the sprouting vibrancy of the woodlands all around roused his senses.

“Is this what you want?” asked a woman in black. Beneath a parasol red spirals, she pressed further for answers. “Truly?”

Arden examined the stairs to the east. Once, they had led to the infirmary, where the wounded and sick were tended by witches, kind hearts, and paragons. A flash back of that dark night sent a shiver down even his spine. Had he the words to speak his mind, he would have told his sister in no uncertain terms that this course was right. He had to go back.

“Alright,” she sighed. “You are absolved of the burdens placed upon you by the Akashima Senate.”

This meant politics, at long last, began to mean something in their homeland. Since the death of the Greater Oni, peace of sorts had danced back across the border and revitalised Capitol City with the prosperity of opportunity. Vergers and misters and chamberlains re-appeared to commence a scrabble for whatever power they could claim in the vacuum left by the Shogun’s death. Lillith amongst them, a new war waged in the city but with words, not weapons.

Arden nodded with thanks. He turned back to smile at his sister, who caught the gesture from beneath her cowl and recognised absolution in his eyes. As tormented as they were by the demons they had imprisoned in themselves, seeing her kith and kin torn apart and hallowed by his trials was torture more badly and undeniable. Every twist and turn of the Jurugumo in her soul was pleasurable, at least compared to the silencing of the Hound.

“[Arrigatto],” she whispered.

An age old agreement reared its ugly head. Lillith stepped into Arden’s guard with lightning speed. Grey clouds overhead repealed the sun, and wind turned to a roar of nature’s wrath. Her parasol dropped to the left, held like a blade in her hand to mirror the tanto that appeared in her right. Expert accuracy slipped its cursed tip betwixt the plates of Arden’s bulwark armour.

A simple, pained, and tormented gesture that knocked the silent swordsman to his knees to rise anew with face changed and heart rekindled by purpose and piety. A single rain drop fell on to his forehead as he gazed skyward, life-force ebbing from him, and memories of the treacherous, nightmarish past year scoured clean from his mind.

[Philomel]

Thread Title: Every Dog His Day (Open) (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28340-Every-Dog-His-Day-%28Open%29
)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Arden vs Silence Sei



Plot: 22 --- 22

Story- 6/10---7/10

Arden: In terms of story the plot thickened as it went, which was very good. What you want for a battle is a good balance of action and character and reason - all three which you kept up well. For every action you followed through the fighting well and reacted in realistic ways. You told a story also of a past that is clearly deep and conflicting, though in this there is also a weakness. The reader was left with a few questions as to where Arden really was from and his in depth history with Sei. Also, the last post was unclear as to setting or purpose, although effective in terms of an epilogue.
Silence Sei: You definitely have a strong writing forte in battles, where you have a good grasp of your character’s powers and the outcomes of what you want from the thread. In terms of storyline there seemed to be some things lacking here, in terms of explanation of Sei and Arden’s past. A naive reader would be left with questions, as for where the Monster Hunting sect of Ixian Knights went to. Longer posts here would help also with construction of a stronger piece, however for a battle this stands as one of the best fights this side of the new year.

Setting- 8/10---7/10

Arden: For opening the piece you set the scene exceedingly well, in a short but to the point post and description. With “An arena of flat grass, jade green in the mid-afternoon sun, suffered the presence of a madman” you not only place the setting for the arena itself but also being the setting of your character within it, which shows clever devising. Further detailing of your first post reveals an altar and you keep going in a slow revealing, always building on the setting which is hard to do in a battle. There is not really a downside to your setting prowess here, except perhaps think about sense other than sight and sound to expand on how your character reacts with it.
Silence Sei: In terms of setting you start off well, using all sorts of sense in your first post (post 2) with “was greeted with the scent of nature, the allure of fresh spring grass and the awkward sense of large rocks that accompanied it.” This in itself is a good introduction, and you do somewhat continue in a strong fashion. However, your concentration on the action largely leaves setting to become ignored in the latter half of the thread, and so encouragement is placed by the judge here to keep up your initial strength and balance of setting.

Pacing- 8/10---8/10

General: Because both of you use short posts the overall pacing is very fast and does not leave much to rest in terms of action. This is very good for a battle, and you manage to not rush, which often is an easy thing to do. Balancing out one to the other neither of you overtake the other, and equal the post length and the timing to a good degree. Mostly well done here, you are awarded high marks for a good example of well set-out pacing in a storyline that is else complicated for background plot.
Arden: The only negative part of your pacing was perhaps the giant jump to the epilogue in terms of time setting. If this had been slightly faster paced it perhaps would have fitted better with the rest of the piece. This is your only weakness, however.
Silence Sei: From this superbly excellent point of pacing one thing to develop from here would be to perhaps slow down at the end and even add an extra post in finality. This is only an idea however, as you do start off slow, and build up the pacing with the tension well.



Character: 21 --- 20

Communication- 7/10---7/10

Arden: Through Arden’s, perhaps short, pieces of communication, a picture is built of someone clearly conflicted, with a minor agenda. He is an unusual sort, unsteady in a way and this is expressed through the way he speaks: “snarled” in post 1. His simple language is good and to the point also, with “Send another” also in post 1. He has a mentor, that is known and clear. The only downside perhaps is that it would be good to see maybe more dialogue, especially between Sei and Arden, with more snarky comments to compliment the action, but this is something to perhaps work on.
Silence Sei: For this thread Sei’s dialogue expresses a certain amount of grandeur, with his first line, not to himself, being, “Once again Arden, we meet one another with our weapons drawn.” This is reflective, perhaps, of his nobility and strength of character, and as the thread gradually reveals, he is something of a lord to Arden. This is clearly seen throughout, and only comes to a climax with Sei’s declaration of Arden’s character that, “You’ll always serve someone.” There is a clear sense of history between the pair of fighters here, and communication is particularly good for your character in defining that, so well done. Perhaps there could have been an ounce more dialogue, and sometimes with your character is hard to define what is dialogue and what is internal thought because of Sei’s unique way of speaking, but overall, well written.

Action-6/10---7/10

Arden: Action is a strong point for you, as each action is defined and written well. You do not ignore any shots or blows fired, which is easy to do in the heavy midst of a battle. One weakness however, is that there is very little other than this in terms of Arden’s actions, with little else to define him apart from the fact he has been killing people all day and finally out comes Sei. Indeed, this is the important fight, but this should be shown really in the minor way Arden reacts. If you use action subtly to show habits or small details apart from the major persona you have built for your character this will really help to strengthen your writing here.
Silence Sei: Similarly to Arden you write actions very well, but have a lack of actions that really reveal more about Sei. There is a subtle smile now and again and in post 12 when Sei offers his hand to a dying Arden more is revealed. However, for the short posts you have you definitely have room to write a lot more in terms of detail.

Persona- 8/10---6/10

Arden: From his killing, to the time he releases his mastiff, to the final epilogue in the Ixian Castle, you build up a good image of a strong-willed defiant character of Arden who is clearly conflicted at the beginning and perhaps more so at the end. In terms of Character this section is likely your strongest. Uses of dialogue that stray into personal thought, such as his sister asking him if this is truly what he wants in post 13 is clever and a strong use of character. Overall excellently done here.
Silence Sei: Where you excel in dialogue there is a little lacking for your writing in terms of persona. There are subtle things, such as Sei’s eyebrow twitching when Kyla, for instance, is mentioned, however these points can be expanded upon much to explore your character a little more. Yes, he is one of the oldest on the site, and yes he has a much established role in the world of Althanas, but it would be interesting to see how Sei reacts internally, with his personal demons and his true feelings towards Arden, if he has any conflicting resolutions towards him. Try exploring this a little, this will make your writing stronger.



Prose: 21 --- 19

Mechanics- 7/10---6/10

Arden: You have no clear spelling mistakes or punctuation problems, so well done here. The only large obvious mistake was a minor capitalisation issue in post 11 where Arden says ““I. Will. Always. Serve. you.” where to make the statement as powerful “you” should also have a capital. Apart from this, however, very little is out of place, so well done here.
Silence Sei: Overall your sentence structure etc is strong as is your spelling, apart from one instance in post 4 with “maneuver” where it should be “manoeuvre”. Paragraphing is, also, well written. Your only weakness in terms of weakness is a couple of times there are minor mistakes in terms of sentencing does become unconnected, such as from post 10 where you write, “more he was injured. The more dangerous he became,” whereas these two clauses should be one whole sentence, with a comma between. Overall more commas and semi-colons would help with reading in places, in the general flow of reading, but relatively well done here.

Clarity- 6/10---6/10

Arden: Overall your clarity is good, and you do set out the piece well, using short posts that do not confuse anything. Everything is simply said here, and set out well. Overall clarity is well done, however one weakness is your last post and the incline into it. For the reader at first glance the setting for this part is not clear, where it might be and why it might be important. For a knowledgeable reader perhaps it is obvious, but it might help to explain here a little. Reason and history also is a little confusing, as to the entire background between Sei and Arden, however this could be expanded on with perhaps just a couple of lines. Apart from this you have a strong hold at describing each hit as it comes into contact or fails with a good sure writer’s hand.
Silence Sei: Clarity is strong for you in terms of your writing. There is very little confusion of what your character is doing and where you are going. In terms of storyline perhaps there is less clarity, however, for there is uncertainty with the background between Arden and Sei and why this fight is so defining and important (see Story). In terms of a weakness, however, this is minor. Overall, well done.

Technique- 8/10---7/10

Arden: What you do excel at is use of words. For the short posts you write you certainly use the English Language to your own benefit, which is great to see. Such phrases and use of imagery as “bitter blossom amongst her family’s wilting garden of death, destruction, and heartache” in post 3 really make your writing stand out. Overall, perhaps, you could use more metaphor, really drive home the skill you have, but in general you are already very adept.
Silence Sei: In terms of technique your strength lies in the fact you have a well determined style of writing which is both consistent and good. Your use of words is good and you have a beautiful way of describing things, such as simple actions. In general, you are receiving lower marks than Arden because you could use more linguistic techniques, for your skill clearly shows you are capable of such.



Wildcard: 6 --- 6

Wildcard points here … go to conflict resolution and an intriguing story reflecting on a past and a possible future. Well done for rising tension and excellent story-telling technique.



Final Score: 70---67

Arden (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?14193-Arden) Wins!:


6325 EXP!
100 GP!

Congratulations!


Silence Sei (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?30-Silence-Sei) Receives:


1650 EXP!
85 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!