The Five of Swords (Closed to Cerock)

[Cards of Fate]

Beinost...

A lone boat enters an almost empty port in a silence. The wind barely blows enough to carry them through the bay. The captain shivers as he stands at the helm of the boat, the crew is uneasy. Not even the birds caw as they fly overheard. The entire bay is silent save the waves lapping against the boat. At the bow of the boat a hooded figure stands undaunted by the supposedly cursed village. He can hear the crew muttering under their breath words like “Necromancy” or “Curse.” They fear the leftovers of the corpse war, they fear the man who would willingly approach this forsaken town.

Vincent Cain, was many things, but scared was not one of them. He was on a simple mission really, there was a man he needed to meet. Leona, his boss, had trusted him with this simple task. Find the dragon, bring him back to the Hierarchy. It was simple, compared to some of his other missions at least. The tension continued to rise as they finally pulled into the dock. No customs officer met them, only a few boats even seemed to be docked in an otherwise empty port. Vincent pushed some coin into the captains hand wordlessly.

“My apologies for making you take this trip…” Vincent muttered bowing slightly.

“Tis alright lad, I happen to have some ale below I’d rather not pay customs on anyways.” The man said clapping the youth on the shoulder. “Be careful though, this town is not natural.”

“I will sir.” Vincent said forcing a smile as he disembarked the boat. He had grown used to the insanity that was Etheria port. The lack of sailors unloading cargo, bards singing, fishmongers peddling their fresh caught wares, was stunning. It was as if the town was all but abandoned. Not a soul was in site. Sighing he pulled down his hood to reveal a messy mane of dirty blonde hair that seemed to blow in the almost nonexistent breeze. His sapphire eyes scanned the docks for any sign of habitation. All around the edge of the dock building seemed in almost unnaturally good condition. Each tavern and warehouse practically untouched.

The silence was deafening as Vincent walked down what would have served as a main road had there actually been people to inhabit it. The last census had shown less than three hundred people lived in this town, hardly a fraction of what it was built for. He walked in silence, with nothing but the occasional gust of wind to fill the void. Finally he reached what he assumed was the main plaza, and he began to see traces of life. A simple tavern has its doors open, the smell of meat fills the air. Almost all the buildings look the same, yet this building has been painted blue in its entirety, standing out like a sore thumb compared to the almost identical buildings that composed the rest of the city.

Thinking this to be his lead, Vincent steps through the open portal to find a handful of people playing cards around a simple tabled. They all pause their game to look up at him, baffled at his appearance before one sets his hand down and rises from his seat.

“Greetings stranger.” He states bowing slightly. “How can I help you?” he asks sizing the scholar up.

Vincent raised his hands up and smiles warmly. “Im simply passing though on my way to Linderqualme.” He states simply. “I was wondering if you perhaps were a functioning tavern. Room and board, ale and food, the works?” He says cocking his head to one side.

“Aye we are...of sorts. We don’t really have too much of a use for gold out here but I’m sure we can perhaps trade our wares for news perhaps. Not many people blow though this town, people seem to think it’s cursed.” The man says chuckling. “The names Bear, yours?”

“Vincent Cain at your service,” the scholar replied taking a seat at a nearby open table. “Bear” had headed behind the bar and began to pour a tall mug of Ale for him. The rest of the crew, mostly elves, were eying him up as well trying to get a feel for the newcomer. One man seemed to be draped in a cloak as he sat at the bar ignoring the rest.

[Cerock]

Cerock took notice of the newcomer strolling into the oddly colored tavern acting as though everyone would welcome him with open arms. A scholar of sorts, as far as he could tell, based on his clothing and scrawny figure. Not something or someone to be too large of a threat to someone of such powerful stature such as himself. He kept his ears perked, listening to the man as he spoke of the news from around the nearby areas. Just nonsense he had no interest in, the state of reconstruction, trade, etcetera.

He sipped from his mug casually and tense as Petram, his small rock familiar companion crawled his way from out of his sleeve. He smiled down at the little guy, adored by his desire to explore the small area on the counter in front of where he sat. The little familiar would walk around curiously, cautious of going too far away from Cerock as it new that it made him uncomfortable when he went too far. Petram was a dear friend to Cerock, the last companion he had left now so he was taken care of very dearly and in return the little guy offered his companionship.

Cerock’s drink had nearly emptied when he looked in after another sip. He sighed to himself and finished off the mug of cheap ale pushing it back towards the edge. Bear took notice as he was mid conversation with Vincent and called out to the man.

“Would you care for another drink?” he asked in a gruff voice, already standing up to go over and refill the drink for him. “We all know how much you like to sit around and listen to everyone else” he chuckled walking over to the bar. Cerock picked up his little friend Petram and place him carefully in his pocket. He shook his head pushing the mug and gesturing his hand outwards, showing his palm as a sign to tell him to sit back down. Bear, caught slightly off guard, shrugged and moved back to his seat. Cerock stood walking around to the other side of the bar and cleaning his mug himself, placing it back where it belonged and sitting back down in his chair, intrigued to listen to the man some more.

“Don’t mind him” Bear muttered to the newcomer in hushed tones, “A bit of a lone wolf that one is. Doesn’t speak to anyone and never lets anyone see what’s under that cloak of his. Best we can guess is he’s a bit of a disfigured one, seeing as his hands are covered in what seem to be amber scales”. He shrugged sipping from his own drink as he tapped the table passing on his turn for cards.

Cerock had enough of the environment and stood from his seat making a bit of noise as the seat scratched against the floor. Vincent took notice of the stranger’s movement as it seemed a bit sudden. Cerock spoke to the room in a rumble of a voice, deep and serene, but carrying a bit of power with it. “Thank you for the drink and company. Have a good day…” He muttered the last bit as he walked out the tavern door. As he turned the corner a shape of a large thick tail slipped from underneath the cloak, showing only for a moment as he disappeared from the view of the tavern, walking off towards the outskirts of the town.

[Cards of Fate]

Vincent had managed to keep “Bear’s” attention as the man asked the scholar a long series of questions about the recovery efforts from the corpse war. None of the towns seemed to be making a recovery. Many had simply been razed to the ground, others had taken such a population hit they could not sustain themselves. Many elves had simply left Raiaera, being done with necromancy and magic in general, instead opting for the safer neighbor of Alerar. The mechanical country of dark elves were lacking in necromancers or cursed forests and seemed more appealing to the deposed elves.

“Even Eluriad is still in shambles…” the man mutters softly as he passed a drink to Vincent. The scholar nodded sadly and pulled the drink to his lips, letting the smooth taste of Raiaeran ale trickle down his throat. Bear mentioned Cerock and the scholars discerning eyes caught a glimpse of claw and a flash of amber. Pausing for a moment Vincent watched the man leave, his tail sliding out of his cloak he left. ‘Find the Dragon…’ Vincent thought to himself as he sipped his ale.

“So you’re heading to the Red Forest?” Bear asked. At the mention of the forbidden forest all ears seemed to perk up at what the scholar had to say. Vincent paused and then began cooly.

“Bardic council business.” He stated taking a sip, swirling the ale in his mouth before swirling. “Im going to meet up with some hunters camping outside and we’re going to work on gathering some of the mutated fauna for research purpose.” He paused for a moment to add dramatic effect “We might just be able to do something about that foul curse.” The crowd whistled, clearly the were in the presence of a very important man. Vincent rose to his feet, downing the rest of his drink. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours if you could prepare a room for me, I’m going to see if I can find a contact I was supposed to meet here.”

He waved over his shoulder as he departed the door and glanced around. He spotted the man’s tail as he turned a corner. Hurrying Vincent scrambled to silently give chase to the man without alerting him to his presence. He poked his head around the corner to see the man walking down an empty road, not another pedestrian in sight. The man named Cerock continued to walk in silence as the sun rose high overhead whilst Vincent did his damnedest to look innocent he walked a solid forty feet behind the man.

[Cerock]

Cerock coughed and looked down checking on his little friend sitting in his front pocket. He smiled soft and looked back at the road remembering the path. He took his time maneuvering through the labyrinthine alleyways and roadways. Cerock had taken notice of his follower as he continued through the town, but decided to let him follow suit. Interested in what the man wanted with him, and not intimidated in his presence he decided to let him find his home. After several tens of minutes of passing through alleyways they reached near the outskirts of town and found a particular house that seemed a bit less run down than the rest.

“Home…” Cerock sighed before finishing his sentence “Home sweet home…” He muttered walking through the doorway that was lacking a necessary element… like a door. The mess of a house was only a story tall, with what seemed to be only a few rooms. Cerock had walked into a small living room with furniture that didn’t match… a torn couch, a small table and two stools for dining, and a bed sitting in the corner. The other rooms he knew were just in complete disrepair, one of which he used just for storage, and the other of what used to be a bathroom that he dared not to even walk into anymore. He’d rather chance a well or river for washing himself than walk into that disgusting mess of a room.

Cerock surveyed the home and decided now was as good a time as any to let his guest know he was onto his little charade. He sighed once again, setting Petram on the small table, and walked over to the small chest, taking out a loaf of bread and a bottle of rum which he had been saving for a special occasion. He sat down on one stool pulling the other out for a guest and revealing his face and head from the cloak. He hummed to his little friend while petting him, trailing a single finger back and forth along his back. He muttered a small nursery rhyme he knew from before his new parents had found him, yet didn’t know why he had known it.

“A sweet little creature, so tiny and cold. Holding power and passion through a body so bold. Sleep little frail one, who carries great weight. For tomorrow your time comes, don’t fear it’s a short wait. One day you’ll grow large! Carrying ‘self with pride! And tomorrow will come, there’s no more time for you to bide…” Cerock smiled and sighed as Petram pulled its’ limbs inside of its turtle like shells and quietly fell asleep, making nearly inaudible breathing noises.

“Come on out now” His voice echoed through the home and through the street a bit down. The empty town sure had a knack for carrying his roar of a voice, even when he was quiet. “I know you’ve been tailing me…” he smirked as his tail swept a bit of dust off the ground “So what is it that you want?” he asked

[Cards of Fate]

Vincent stepped through the open portal and eyed the mess of a room and its inhabitants. Amber scales and amber eyes glared at him with distrust. ‘Drakari’ Vincent thought to himself slightly amused. ‘Not a dragon, but Leona tends to lean towards the abstract when giving me my missions…’ The scholar cleared his throat but was interrupted as a stool was kicked towards him.

“My name as you might have heard is Vincent Cain.” He said taking a seat. “I see you have found a…nice home in the remains of this ghost of a town.” Vincent continued as he glanced around. It was far from luxurious to say the least. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, how to approach the man before him. “Your name is Cerock no?” he began making sure the two of them were on equal social standing.

The Drakari nodded and allowed the scholar to continue. “I work for a particular group of people with very noble goals. We serve to preserve the balance of the world, keeping powerful items out of the hands of those who would abuse them.” He paused and let his words sink in before continuing onwards. Cerock eyed him oddly before tearing off a chunk of bread and tossing it to the scholar.

“Go on.” He replied taking a swig of rum.

“My boss, Leona, can see the future and knows who she needs to hire in order to achieve her goals.” Vincent said taking a bite out of the stale, flavorless bread. “And she told me to come here and find who I assume to be you.” He continued after swallowing. Both men eyed each other carefully. “You would be provided with a stable home in…better condition than here and steady pay. Plus the prestige of working for the Tarot Hierarchy” Vincent mentioned the organizations name with pride. The drakari shifted, for a moment seeming uncomfortable by the prospect.

“You want to hire me?” He asked setting the rum down. “What would I be doing?”

Vincent gestured to the bottle “May I?” he asked. Cerock nodded and Vincent reached for the bottle and took a quick swig. “The work could get complicated, however Leona wouldn’t send us on a mission she knew we would fail.” He paused debating another swig of rum. Deciding against it he continues “Most of the time we would be searching for magical artifacts and returning them to the House of Cards, our base. Otherwise we might simply be recruiting other members like I am now, or taking the first steps towards a better future.” He glanced around, uncomfortable of the man’s gaze. “What do you say?”

[Cerock]

Cerock eyed his guest, carefully trying to study him. His words, actions, mannerisms… they all seemed natural and not at all fake or artificial. Nevertheless, this was something that Cerock would not normally be so comfortable with. He had barely met the man and he was already being offered a job? What does his guest know of him, prattling on about an organization set out for doing “good” and seeking out their “noble goals”. He stood now, seeing how his guest decided to be formal and chose not to sit.

“You ask of me to join your party… A company of something I know nothing of. Tarot Hierarchy… And approach me assuming I may have heard of you.” He took a swig of his rum and gently picked up Petram, setting him in his pocket carefully”. “I keep to myself you see. No room left in my heart for trivial relationships or any more heartbreak. You know nothing of me and yet you ask so much of me. Why would I want to join your company?” he finished, boldly staring at his guest as the last echoes of his words trailed off.

Vincent pauses for a moment deciding to pull out his trump card. The man was the five of swords, a card with a very specific meaning. "You've lost ones you cared about in your past before. Parent's killed in the Corpse War, master killed by a simple vagabond. You've steeled your heart, adopting a companion of stone to be the only relation you care about to spare yourself pain. Yet here I sit offering you a chance to start anew with a new home, new life. A chance to prevent both yourself AND others the suffering you have endured"

Cerock flinched at the sudden and calm exposure of his entire past, put out before him so plain and simply. He clenched his fist for a moment, angry at the man’s lack of empathy towards his situation and how he acted like he understood his pain. He slammed his tail across the middle of the table, splitting it in half as splinters of wood sprayed behind him. Cerock composed himself now, clearing his head and relaxing his body.

“My apologies…” he muttered bowing slightly. “I did not mean to frighten you with my sudden outburst. You’ve come to offer me a home and a chance to prevent people from suffering the same pain I have suffered…” he stood straight once again and approached the man. He wore determination on his face, hope brimming inside of him. “I know not how you’ve come to learn of my past or why you’ve come specifically for me. But for the time being I’ll accept your offer. On one condition…” he put out his hand to shake Vincent’s, offering his compromise at the same time. “I want to meet your boss. The future seer” he stated. “If they know me then I want to know them. I do not like keeping relationships so one sided, and I hope to perhaps gain some information of my own one day.” The deal was stated. Vincent only had to take it now and Cerock would come to join him in his company, Tarot Hierarchy… what an odd group of people they seemed to be.

[Cards of Fate]

Vincent rose and offered the man a hand. Cerock glanced at it warily, unsure of the man who seemed to know so much about him, then took it with a clawed hand and shook it. The two met gazes and the scholar offered the Drakari a friendly smile before the two parted. Vincent left the man to his own devices as he began the lonely walk back to the blue tavern. The streets and alleys were once again barren of all life, showing almost no sign of change. The wind had seemed to pick up, blowing rather heavily. His gaze turned up to the sky as he watched what appeared to be a storm blow in.

The scholar picked up his pace and continued along the empty street until he once again found the tavern. The wind had just picked up into a howl as he entered, tearing through the empty town as rain began to pour from the heavens. Thunder boomed and shook the building as the group of men stared at the scholar returning.

“Find your contact?” Bear asked standing from what seemed their perpetual card game.

“Yes, thank you for asking.” Vincent asked taking a seat at the bar once more. The grizzled bartender poured Vincent an Ale and returned back to his card game, the scholar watching from a distance as he sipped his drink. He thought briefly about Cerock and his makeshift home and how it must be faring in this tempest before downing the rest of his ale.

“I’ve had a long day, I think I’ll retire for the night.” Vincent said setting his glass down. Bear nodded and set his hand down briefly.

“Last door on the right.” He called over his shoulder motioning towards a set of stairs that seemed to just now catch Vincent’s eyes. Ascending the creaky stairs Vincent found himself staring down a dark hallway with a simple wood flooring and wood paneled walls. He found his room and plopped down lazily on the simple straw mattress that sat in the middle of the room, passing out the moment he made contact with the straw.

When he awoke he found himself laying on the floor of an empty room. Swearing he reached for his purse and other belongings to find that he had in fact not been mugged in his sleep. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes the scholar rose to his feet and walked out the door of his room to find something amiss. The flooring that had once been wooden was now a neat stone, and the walls were stone brick. Growling he descended the stairs to find the bar area both empty and completely different than it had been before. Not just simple details, but the entire bar was intrinsically different.

Choosing to ignore it Vincent chose to depart the building and began to head over to Cerock. On a hunch he turned to gaze back at the tavern that had served as his shelter he found that it was made of a simple red brick, not a trace of blue to be seen. He paused for a moment ‘The hell….’ He thought to himself disturbed.

A hand on his shoulder jolted him, and Vincent turned to find Cerock staring at him uneasily.

“Are you ok Vincent?” the Drakari asked gazing at where the blue tavern should have stood while frowning. “Wasn’t that…”

“I’m not sure either, perhaps we should leave this town though…” Vincent said horridly interrupting Cerock.

[Cerock]

Cerock adjusted the small backpack, tightening the single strap and heading on out ahead of Vincent. The two men started along leaving the town behind them trying not to think about what had occurred. Cerock especially tried not to think too heavily about the implications considering he had spent the past few weeks of his time there with men who have now suddenly disappeared. Instead he took a mental note of his belongings he had packed…

Petram of course being the first thing he thinks of. His companions sat comfortably in a small pouch on the front of his shirt, occasionally peeking his head out at the surrounding scenery. Next he thought of his tools. Miniature versions of what a real forge would use Cerock carried around a variety of blacksmithing tools; a hammer and pliers… things of that sort. He could always make a fire and forge simple trinkets for people to make a small enough living to eat for the night. This brought up memories of his old master. He smiled remember the old man but continued on. The empty bottle of ale that was finished last night, a very small amount of bread leftover from the meal that morning, and a bit of wood he had broken apart from some of the useless furniture. Finally he accounted for his sword he carried between his back and pack; a simple sturdy Iron claymore of sorts that he comfortably carried around.

As hours passed Cerock surveyed and recalled their surroundings from their journey. Villages that had been burned to the ground, nothing left of the razed towns except ash and dust. There were fields that were torn to shreds by soldiers looking for a meal, as they had fought off the undead in many years before now. Cerock especially noticed the dead bodies; thousands of dead bodies that had yet to be claimed or buried. He didn’t like to think of the many families who had husbands and fathers lost in the war and that had to be pronounced dead due to the lack of a body being found. He shuttered thinking about it and they continued onwards.

The two had made little conversation during the days and nights they had together. Cerock made himself unapproachable at times, still wary of his new companion and didn’t have any interest in learning about him either. He had decided this would probably come to bite him in the ass later so one particular night as they were getting closer to their destination he decided to make the first move.

“So tell me about yourself…” He spoke out. The campfire had been burning for around thirty minutes or so. “Where are you from and how did you get drafted for this… job?” he asked as he stretched a bit uncomfortable. It had been a long time since he had to use his social skills and they seemed to be a bit rusty. “I figured it would be a good idea for us to get to know each other… considering we’ll be working together and all…” He spoke trailing off.

[Cards of Fate]

Vincent decided the entire truth would be hard to believe, so he decided to give the Drakari a partial answer. “Leona found me in a bookstore in Scara Brae whilst I was working for an old dwarf helping his organize his shop. She said some confusing warble about fate but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time so I followed her to the House of Cards and became the Hierophant she needed.” The scholar replied staring into the flames. They were just outside the outskirts of the red forest, they would be back into base by noon the next day if they broke camp early enough.

“My parent’s used to talk about Scara Brae, rather recent economic boom If I recall…” Cerock replied nodding. “We were merchants when I was little…then we went bankrupt and I had to take care of my family by apprenticing to a blacksmith.” He muttered staring into the flames as well.

“You’re a smith?” Vincent asked looking up from the flames.

“Yes, although my master died before I could finish my apprenticeship.” Cerock replied grimly.

“A shame, you could have made a living anywhere with that type of skill. People always need iron workers.” The scholar spoke softly, as if he was afraid of waking something out in the darkness.

“Perhaps, but it seems fate had other plans for me.” The drakari countered swishing his tail in the dirt.

“An interesting point indeed.” Vincent replied lying down. “We might want to get to sleep soon. We have to haul ass though the forest to the base.”

“Why is that?” Cerock asked, also lying down.

“This forest is cursed with all sorts of gnarly abominations.” Vincent replied calmly. “Shapeshifting wolves, man eating trees, exploding butterflies, the works. It’s better for us to simply spring through the damn thing and hope we get to the clearing before anything smells us.” Vincent continued rolling over to get in a more comfortable position. Cerock checked on his stone companion before rolling over and trying to get some sleep.

When the morning came the two broke down their makeshift camp and made way for the edge of the forest. The scholar led them to an unofficial “path” that had been worn through the woods with somewhat infrequent travel to the base and the two took off in a dead run, the drakari easily besting the scholar in speed. They ran for what felt like ages in the contorted crimson woods luckily running into nothing of note as they reached a clearing where several walking trees seemed to patrol. One shot Cerock a dirty look, but stood down once Vincent appeared huffing and puffing.

“This is your base?” Cerock asked curiously.

“Simply…the….entrance.” Vincent managed to gasp between breaths. He guided the drakari forward to a large hatch and lifted it open to reveal stairs descending into the earth. Cautious as ever Cerock descended into the base, scholar following suit. The two found themselves at a landing lobby, three halls in front of them, each filled with doors. “This way please.” Vincent said guiding the drakari to an unmarked door that had a key hanging on the doorknob. “This will serve as your room,” Vincent said snatching the key and handing it off. “Go ahead and check it out, I need to go report to Leona and then I’ll give you the tour and introduce you to your new boss.”


…
“Simply put you encountered ghosts of old Anebrillith.” Leona stated bluntly, sitting across from Vincent as they drank tea in her quarters.

“Ghosts?” Vincent asked curiously. “I was under the impression that any souls that had lingered there had been consumed when Beinost had been made.”

“Yes and No.” Leona replied running a careful hand through her blonde hair. “The spirits that created that town are more or less trapped there now, shackled to this earth by the very bricks that make the town. What you saw was them reaching out for help.”

“So I failed them?” Vincent asked taking a sip of his sugar with a splash of tea and milk.

“Careful Vincent, you’re bordering on stupid questions.” Leona chided as she too took a sip of her tea. “As the Hierophant you see the truth when it comes to illusions. However, you are new to the job, your power not fully mature. Normally you wouldn’t have even seen them had Cerock not already been there. However your presence broke the illusion that they had cast over time.”

Vincent chewed on his lip as he contemplated the knowledge she had granted him. “That doesn’t answer my question though.” He replied frowning.

“There was nothing you could do to help them. Luckily they hadn’t turned violent out of desperation yet. I imagine a lot of Beinost is going to need to be purged of ghouls in order for us to proceed resettling it.” Leona replied taking a neutral expression. “Good work though, it could have taken you much longer to bring home the five of swords than you did.” Vincent grinned as he sipped his tea quietly. Leona was not usually one to give compliments freely, so when she did give them they felt earned. “Wipe the grin off of your face Vince, you’re my Hierophant, I expect your work to be excellent. Anything else is a waste of both of our times.” She growled glaring at him. The scholar shrunk back a bit and the seer grinned at him. “I’m going to need to send you to Tobias again aren’t I?” she mused chewing her lip. “Once he gets back from Salvar I’ll send you his way…”

[Cerock]

Cerock took the key from his newest companion and unlocked the door for himself. As Vincent walked away into what seemed to be a labyrinthine base Cerock turned back towards his room. He opened the door hesitantly. It had been a long time since he had actually lived in something more than a ramshackle of a mess. A real home… He thought for a minute of his parents who would play with him when he was little, and their home that they lived in by the port. The fresh smell of fish every morning from the fish monger’s was a smell he did not think he would miss. Or perhaps the smell of hot coals burning fresh as the forge was started each morning. He let out a sigh allowing himself to return back to his current reality and walked into his new room… room 23.

Cerock closed the door behind him and looked around his new “home”. The room was plain, which he had expected, occupied by only a few pieces of furniture. A bed for him to rest his head. The fabric felt rough and a bit scratchy, but far more comfortable than anything he was used to. Besides, he didn’t feel too much around anything except his face due to the scales. His scales may have helped dull a lot of what he felt, but he could still feel through them. He sighed sitting on the bed inspecting the rest of the room. A standing dresser was in the corner by the door. He assumed it had nothing in it… he’d have to go buy some clothing sometime. He thought back to the forest and the words Vincent had told him of it. He shuttered thinking of dealing with such a mess alone. On the other side of the door, across from where the dresser was, was a simple desk and chair. These contents were all that made up the room. It was small and quaint, but it was better than anything he had lived with in his recent past.

Cerock reached into his front pocket carefully, pulling his small friend out and holding him gently in the palm of his hand. Petram crawled out of his “shell” and made a nearly inaudible yawning noise. He surveyed the room and for some reason Cerock felt that the little familiar was content with its surroundings. As he set his companion on the bedside the little rock familiar crawled around happily exploring the folds and curves of the sheets. It was like a little adventure all of his own! Cerock smiled to himself as he watched the little one wander for a while.

“Seems Vincent was caught up in something else” He muttered to himself. After a decent chunk of time had passed Cerock could tell it was starting to get late. He lay his bag on the floor, and took off his boots. It felt good to let his drakari feet actually be free from the human clothing. “I never liked shoes, just get in the way…” he muttered to himself. He had only worn them to help hide his identity for the time being. He lay back on his new bed, Petram crawling up across his sleeve and onto his chest. The little familiar curled up quickly falling asleep on the warmth of Cerock’s skin. He chuckled to himself and decided to follow suit…

A new life… A new home… A new…. Hope? He wondered to himself as his eyes shut and he slowly drifted off into the land of dreamers. He felt that he would enjoy his time here, and hoped to be able to repay the favor to them all.

[Silence Sei]

The Five of Swords : Thread Link (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28749-The-Five-of-Swords-(Closed-to-Cerock))
Judgment Type: Condensed
Participants: Cards of Fate (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17720-Cards-of-Fate), Cerock (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17939-Cerock)



Plot: 11/30

The story started off very slow. I found myself waiting for the pace to pick up, and it most certainly did. The last half felt incredibly rushed especially given the slow start. As far as recruitment threads go, the basic necessities were all there, you found him, invited him to join, he did. Otherwise there was very little story to go on. Throughout the thread there were small glimpses at possible altercations and mysteries, but none of them were fleshed out enough to offer anything substantial to go off of. The ending was an interesting twist, but it felt almost like an afterthought. Aside from the blue pain in the beginning, the reader was given little to go off of and so the surprise was missing some buildup.

The setting was mentioned, but there was little interaction with it. Did the smell of meat cooking make Vincent hungry? Did he search the tavern for the source of the smell? Cerock- you describe what is in the room in Cerock's home, but give little detail. Is the chair worn from him sitting at the end of a long day? Are the floors dusty? Does the place smell of something? Work these little details in throughout to add depth to the thread.




Character: 12/30

The dialogue was bland throughout. Cerock comes across as abrasive in the narrative but it doesn't shine through in conversation. With the exception of his one outburst there was very little to go on here. Vincent's excitement at finding his mark so easily was also an excellent chance to add some character to the dialogue and I would have enjoyed seeing that play out.

From the captain, to Bear, the NPCs throughout the thread seemed to be there only as a backdrop. Fleshing them out a bit more would go a long way to engross the reader in the thread. There were some promising moments (the captain seeking to rid his wares tax-free, Bear’s prior knowledge of Cerock) but it wasn’t enough to make them seem real.

I like that you took a couple posts establishing your characters before they began to interact, but you missed a huge opportunity to give the reader a taste of who they were.

COF- Was Vincent really sure enough about the first guy he saw with a tail being ‘the dragon’ that he invited him immediately back to the House of Cards? Vincent is no dummy, let the reader see his reasoning here or perhaps have him question it for a bit to add some depth.

Cerock- you mention Cerock being found and immediately pulled my interest into his backstory. The nursery rhyme was a nice touch, but it would have meant a lot more with just a tiny bit more context. Cerock sees himself as strong and capable but has this soft spot for his pet rock. That’s interesting, but the reader shouldn’t have to dig up your profile to understand it.





Prose: 12/30

COF- You switch between present and past tense quite a lot. At first I thought the switch was intentional between your first two paragraphs in the first post, but you continued to do this throughout. It causes the reader to constantly re-read and makes the thread feel disjointed. Remember the using a word processing program to catch errors only goes so far. In your second post you used the instead of they. These errors won’t be caught by word or google docs, so a quick read-through is a must.

Your actions are for the most part clear and well defined. At times though, it seems you went as far as to spoon feed things to the reader which led to slow pacing.

Both the bread and rum in post 5 seem to appear out of nowhere. Just a quick note of Cerock reaching into a cabinet or picking something up from a table would help with clarity and action.



Cerock- You have a solid basic grasp on mechanics, but there are areas where you seem to struggle. There are points where you use words that don’t necessarily fit such as your use of adored in your opening post.

I had to re-read several areas due to the mechanics issues listed above. When you have several run ons with action, it can be difficult to keep track of the movement.


Both of you- Run ons are rampant throughout. There are also several fragments, though some of those may have been stylistic so they did not hurt your score here. Just be sure that if you make a stylistic choice you do not repeat the same issue at a later point unintentionally, as it makes the reader question if the first one was, in fact a mistake.





Wildcard: 5/10

As stated earlier. The necessary elements for a good story were there, but it just missed the mark. I enjoyed the quick read, but throughout I just wanted more.



Final Score: 40/100

Cards of Fate (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17720-Cards-of-Fate) receives:


350 EXP!
55 GP!


Cerock (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17939-Cerock) receives:


295 EXP!
55 GP!

Congratulations!

[Hysteria]

XP and GP added.