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View Full Version : Workshop: Exploring the Pit [Tarot Hierarchy] Part 3



Philomel
02-03-15, 03:09 AM
Name of Completed Thread: Exploring the Pit [Tarot Hierarchy] Part 3 (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28747-Exploring-the-Pit-Tarot-Hierarchy-Part-3&p=243629#post243629)
Name of Authors: Ioder and Cards of Fate
Type of Thread: Quest
Thread Length: 10 Posts
Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP
Date Closed: 03/03/2014

Critique Guidelines:

1.) Standard rules for etiquette apply. No spamming or off-topic posts, no personal attacks or trolling. Focus on critiquing the thread, not the writer. Use constructive criticism and try to speak in terms of "strengths" and "weaknesses". For example: "Your story was strong, but the action seemed a little weak. Try using more adverbs to describe actions or use a thesaurus to spice up your word choice."

2.) Likewise, those who have asked for a workshop should take criticism gracefully. Use it to better yourself. These are not intended to offend or belittle, only show you opportunities to grow.

3.) If at any point you notice improper conduct, contact an administrator immediately. Bullying of any kind will not be tolerated. Arguing will also be regulated heavily. Polite, constructive debate is permitted within reason.

4.) In order to receive EXP & GP for your feedback(see Workshop Guide), a critique must be helpful, elaborate, and considerate. It is suggested that the review be at least 3 paragraphs and focus on strengths, weaknesses, and overall content. You may use the Althanas Rubric as a guide.

5.)Those that leave an exceptionally detailed review with plenty of constructive advice may be eligible for double rewards. This will be up to the posting judge's discretion. The authors of the thread may request the additional reward be given if they found a review to be particularly helpful. The request must still be approved.

Alydia Ettermire
02-03-15, 11:39 AM
This thread felt like it was highly collaborative, so all of my commentary will go to both of you almost equally. The story itself was brief and not terribly meaty, so my commentary will also be brief, though I will attempt to provide sufficient constructive criticism.

Strengths:
On the whole, this was a very sweet thread. I could definitely feel the warmth of the friendship between Vincent and Ioder, as well as the sharpness of Ioder's pain over Estelle's loss. The tone of the story was quickly and effectively established, as was its purpose. I felt like I got to know Ioder's heart more than Vincent's mind, so that's something you might want to work on, Cards. As far as story and characterization went, I liked this thread very much.

Weaknesses:
In a word: mechanics. You both used many words in place of another one, such as the repetitive use of "week" for "weak," "to" for "too," and the particularly egregious "deliberating" for "debilitating" in post 3. Ioder, you also used "has" for "had" frequently, creating strange and distracting tense changes. A quick proof read could have caught all of those mechanical errors.

Another thing I noticed was that Vincent asked Ioder to bring him his orb of light when no handoff appeared to have occurred. Half a sentence would have made the scene a lot clearer.

Overall, I'd say that the Tarot has a lot more to learn about their new home and its history. It should be quite an adventure!

Philomel
03-01-15, 07:10 AM
This workshop thread has less than a week to go! Get your comments in quick for some easy EXP!

UPDATE: This thread is being left open until the 10th March. So you have the weekend to work on them if you want some easy EXP!

Philomel
03-10-15, 06:53 PM
This workshop is now CLOSED. Thank you to everyone who submitted commentary.
Rewards will be calculated in due course and posted here.

Philomel
03-11-15, 09:14 AM
Workshop Commentary Rewards: Exploring the Pit, Tarot Heirarchy Part 3 (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?28780-Workshop-Exploring-the-Pit-Tarot-Hierarchy-Part-3)

Rewards:
Alydia Ettermire (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?8606-Alydia-Ettermire):
400 EXP
20 GP

Lye
03-24-15, 09:41 AM
Points added.