A Contender Arrives...[Open to 1!!!]

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

The Citadel loomed before him.

It's long, cascading shadow passed across the land of Radasanth proper. It was an ugly, terrifying structure that was a monument of war. However, Humphrey knew it was necessary for all living entities on Althanas craved power above all things, even hunters like him. The wilderness was cold and cruel, and would snatch little hunters out of the mortal coil quickly if they ventured too far away from the safety of home.

Humphrey listened to the air. There was the sound of violence and conflict in it, and the screaming sounds of the defeated. Humphrey shook his head at the oppressive atmosphere. The blood and violence was worshiped by the Radasanthians, and perhaps, that's why their culture overshadowed his own native Akashima. Perhaps that is why they have survived so long. They have been corrupted by their desires to start war and bloodshed. Perhaps... Humphrey thought carefully about the situation at hand. He looked up at the ugly, stain like building. It was a crude mesh of the various cultures of Althanas attempting to pay tribute to the gods of war. Humphrey looked up at the building for a long moment.

The crowds of spectators and combatants were moving to and from the massive structure.

The young hunter readjusted his viewpoint and looked at the face of one of the caretakers of the building's festivities.

Humphrey noticed the battle scars on the man's face, he was an elder gentleman of the Dwarven variety. They were a stout and war like species. He wore a robe of a ranking officer of The Citadel's ranks. His posture and demeanor suggested that he was actually quite a patient fellow. Humphrey nodded his head with his respect to the older bearded Dwarf. Humphrey saw a twinkle in the blue eyes of the fellow. He supposed, he would get right to the point. "Ah, Master Dwarf. I'm a Hunter from Akashima. I'm looking to participate in a hunt here on the sacred grounds." Humphrey said casually. "I've never done this before so I am not certain of the procedure."

The Dwarf rubbed his chin thoughtfully and nodded back with equal respect towards the young hunter. "Ah. Follow me laddie. I will get ya fixed up proper with a registration card'n all that. Once yer're done with all that I can fix ya up with a chamber to contest in." The Dwarf had a surprisingly cheerful demeanor.

Humphrey found the fellow agreeable. "Very well Master Dwarf. I shall follow your lead then."

***

The young hunter chose an environment that was suitable to do battle in. The entire chamber was a forest...but not just any sort of forest. There were trees that were of the cherry blossom variety in full bloom. Pollen was thick in the air, and there were many field workers as well gathering supplies for the neighboring townships. Humphrey stood in a relaxed position and had his weapon hand on the hilt of his sword. Humphrey was armed to the teeth, but was very careful about the weaponry he would bring to combat. He was a hunter who had a lot of honour after all. Humphrey carefully looked in the general direction of the citadel doors that were still open in front of him as if begging him to run away. He resisted the urge, the young hunter needed to test himself. Humphrey kept his sword hand at the ready and wondered deeply at what challenge would calm. He used his Shinto Onmyoudo arts to relax his mind and ready himself for a great hunt. The hunter was prepared...it was now or never.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Rehtul looked at the monk as he stopped short in front of a nearby door. He stopped short and glared at the man, ready for the incoming sonic assault that was soon to issue forth from the man’s mouth. The monk turned to Rehtul and smiled. The young Mystic gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes.

“Hope you like pink,” the monk said as he opened the door for the young man. The look on his face told Rehtul all he needed to know. This man was torturing his eardrums because he enjoyed Rehtul’s hatred of his bad sense of humor. He was being made fun of.

“I hope you like being impaled with a spear made of your own frozen blood,” the other man muttered under his breath as he closed the door behind himself and was transported elsewhere. It was an empty threat, perhaps a little harsh, but it was all Rehtul could do to stop himself from hurting this man over his awful sense of humor.

“That last one wasn’t even a joke, just a stab at the arena,” Rehtul said to himself as he found his shoes suddenly atop grass. He smiled as he took in the scent of the area, his eyes unfocused, and then he saw pink. Not a little pink, but a lot of pink. He blinked and refocused his eyes before looking around. To say that the arena was beautiful was not quite doing the scenery justice. Hundreds upon hundreds of cherry trees in full bloom surrounded him. A sense of peace existed in this small place, something Rehtul had only ever found in his own sparse bedchambers, but something that he appreciated nonetheless. The hectic life of an Orlouge could use more moments in places like this.

He looked around and spotted another person within walking distance, not too far away from where he was. He walked up to the figure with a smile on his face and arm raised above his head. While it was true that people came to the Citadel to fight, it did not mean that before and after the battle that they could not be friendly.

As he approached the other person, he stopped just close enough to be heard well, but not close enough to be attacked without warning. He bowed, a sweeping gesture with loose sleeves still hanging around his wrists, and looked the other being in the eyes. He didn’t seem to be human. In fact, it was most definitely the furthest thing from the Mystic’s mind as he beheld the man before him.

To put it bluntly, the creature standing before him was huge. Standing a few inches taller than Rehtul himself, but significantly broader, he was covered from head to toe with red fur. Stark red eyes looked out at the world over a long snout.

Is this... a kitsune? I’ve heard of these immortal creatures before, Rehtul thought as he appraised the larger being. He mentally shrugged and continued to look up at the creature.

“My name’s Rehtul Orlouge. I suppose I’m your opponent. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he said genially.

Damn. The more I come here, the more interesting people I meet, he thought.

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

Humphrey heard a voice.

Then a presence filled the empty field.

Opening his eyes, he recited the last mantra portion of his meditation technique. The mysterious art of Shinto Onmyoudo. Humphrey'd learned those arts since his early youth training in Akashima. Humphrey narrowed his eyes and studied the young fellow before him. Humphrey noticed the intense blue eyes, there was an intellect there and a hunger for knowledge. There was also and unmistakable kindness lurking behind the ferocity in his eyes. Humphrey noticed the extravagant bowing gesture and decided to reciprocate. He bowed to mid-level and kept his eyes on Rehtul Orlouge. That was when the name dawned on him. Orlouge...CLAN ORLOUGE!!?? Is he a descendant of Sei Orlouge?! Humphrey's analytic mind immediately went to work.

He knew that the Orlouge's were a famous clan of powerful Warriors on the mainland of Corone itself. Their heroic adventures were legendary. Humphrey decided that he wanted to get in good with Rehtul Orlouge. So, in kind, Humphrey introduced himself to the young Orlouge warrior. "Your family's name precedes itself. Even in my own homeland, your clan's leaders are well known. You are a descendant of Sei Orlouge are you not?" Though Humphrey had never met an Orlouge prior to Rehtul, he was learned and kept up with current events. He continued. "My name is Humphrey of Clan Nonyton. You do my clan great honour today, descendant of clan Orlouge."

Almost immediately, Humphrey's demeanor shifted from complete seriousness to a slightly kinder set of expressions.

Though Humphrey was a harsh person, he knew who could become potential allies, and who couldn't.

The scent of clan Orlouge was a powerful one, one that promised secrets and power. A worthy challenge.

Humphrey relaxed his combat stance, and drew his steel Akashiman hunter's weapon. It was his secondary weapon, the wakizashi that was part of his arsenal. The sunlight touched the sixteen inch length of the blade making it appear to shine brilliantly. Humphrey moved to an armed combat position, and tensed his muscles. He was ready to strike, ready to spring at a moment's notice. Humphrey held his weapon in the strange ways that Akashiman hunters often fought. The Akashiman martial tactics oft had their own mysteries. The breeze picked up from the west and pink cherry blossom leaves began to fall in earnest, touching the grass-bidden ground. Humphrey smiled at Rehtul Orlouge. "We can begin at your leisure, descendant of Clan Orlouge." Humphrey said calmly and waited for Rehtul to initiate the battle.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Humphrey, huh? Interesting name for a giant fox, Rehtul thought, but kept it under his head. Who was he, after all to judge names when his own was extremely odd. He smiled and nodded to the taller man as he mentioned his own clan name and the prestige of the Orlouges. Of course, he bristled up a bit at being labeled a “descendent” of Sei Orlouge.

“Ok, I need to clear something up real quick before we start,” Rehtul said. “I am a descendent of the Orlouges, but Sei is my uncle, not my ancestor. He’s very much alive and active as the leader of the Ixian Knights.” Rehtul smiled and rolled his sleeves up, then pulled a set of buckles on each sleeve that trapped the errant cloth above his elbows. The wind around the two seemed to pick up as Rehtul extended his arm out to his right.

“But, it will indeed be an honor to fight one of you clan, Humphrey Nonyton. I look forward to seeing how your kind fights,” he said as the air around him began to mist. The water in the air flowed from around the two soon-to-be combatants and snaked their way toward Rehtul’s outstretched hand. The water gathered and shot out in two directions, above and below his hand. With a smile Rehtul clenched his gloved hand around the middle of the large water object. As his glove made contact with the water, it froze almost instantly in its grip, forming into a large, ornate spear of ice.

A smile crept across his lips as he said, “Let’s not waste any more time, then, shall we?”

He rushed at the man with the spear outstretched before him, stabbing toward his opponent and then rushing past him. He turned on his heel and faced the man with a certain glint in his eye, left hand free of the spear now. He motioned at the air in front of him with a sweeping gesture as three small needles of ice formed in the air, pointed at the kitsune.

With a flick of his wrist, the ice forms launched from their stationary position in the air at the fox man. Rehtul had discovered in his last few fights the problems that came with allowing himself to hold back too much against an enemy. Feeling out an opponent was one thing, but letting them too close from the outset had been having very negative impacts on his health. He would still be able to determine his current adversary’s power without letting him get to close, he was sure. Then he would be able to formulate an appropriate way to beat the man standing in front of him.

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

Humphrey's eyes were locked on his opponent.

When the young man spoke, Humphrey listened and acknowledged his previous error. He is related to Sei Orlouge, and Sei Orlouge is not an ancient entity as the stories about him have lead me to believe...this deserves some research. Humphrey reacted. Rehtul was quick, but Humphrey was also speedy on his feet. Humphrey felt the magical power manifest in the air, and Rehtul conjured a weapon made of elemental ice. He is skilled...he can conjure weapons from the elements themselves. I will have to be careful... And then Rehtul charged. The ornate spear was Humphrey's primary concern. He was ready.

The stab came in quickly, a light jab...a testing jab with the spear.

Humphrey used his exotic style in a counter active maneuver. He swiped his weapon quickly TOWARDS the elegant spear that was heading for his midsection. It was entirely a matter of reaction time. He moved quickly and reacted as quickly as his current skilled allowed him to. The magic in the air turned the environment somewhat colder, notably colder but perhaps that was in his head. His wakizashi flicked quickly towards the spear. He intended to intercept the incoming attack with his own counter, and noticed that Rehtul kept running after the attack. Do NOT expose your back! Humphrey continued his counter strike and rotated on his heels. His wakizashi almost moved organically as if it were a part of his arm. He quickly lashed out at Rehtul's back with a strong stabbing maneuver.

The glow from the symbol on his weapon seemed to add an ethereal effect to the kitsune's face.

His determined eyes locked on Rehtul as he attempted to finish his counter maneuver. He rushed forward, continuing the momentum from his reactive action. He was completely committed to stabbing Rehtul across the back. Then, he saw that his opponent continued his attempt to pick Humphrey off. MORE magic touched the air, and a cloud of sharp needle-like ice shards went towards Humphrey. Humphrey felt the piercing impact against his toughened body, he had no choice but to take the majority of the ice shards coming at him. However, his counter strike was still in play and he'd gambled on at least SOME portion of his counter connecting. He rushed forward at best reactive capacity, and kept his eyes calculative, and almost cold. He was there to win a battle...

That alone made his intention deadly serious.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

Rehtul smiled as he watched his second attack connect with the Kitsune standing opposite of him. He stood up a little straighter than normal and held his spear a little more loosely. He now knew at least that he could cause physical damage to the creature, immortal through it may have been, it could still be taken down. A gust of wind passed around the two combatants, and he felt a small sting from the pollen dancing around them as it touched his skin.

With a slight frown, he looked at his side, noticing for the first time that he had been caught with a counter blow that had drawn blood from right between one of his ribs. It was little more than a light gash, but it still stung like hell.

He’s quick, Rehtul said to himself as he gritted his teeth. I better not leave my back exposed. A little further to the center and that would have punctured one of my lungs. He sharply exhaled as his sharp blue eyes caught those of the being in front of him. A smile flashed across his features as he considered what he should do next. The spear he was using was at a disadvantage in this particular fight, so he released the magics holding it together, allowing it to quickly evaporate into nothingness.

The air around him began to mist as water was once again pulled from the air toward both of his hands. Frost began to cover his gloves as he looked at the larger man with a slight smile.

Maybe I should fight him on his own grounds. Albeit, I’ve never done anything like this before. Should be interesting, he thought as the frost solidified into razor sharp claws around his gloved fingers. Regardless of the protection he drew from the simple leather that he wore, he could still feel the biting cold permeating through the material.

He pushed himself forward, eyes flashing as he ducked inside the other man’s rang and lashed outward and upward with the sharp, pointed claws, hoping to rip a hole in the man’s chest. As soon as he finished his attempt, he jumped back out of the way of the other being, guard up, and ready to block any counter the being might have had against him.

He could feel his breathing growing quick and sharp, and forced himself to take longer, deeper breaths as he continued to watch and wait. This time, he would not be caught unaware.

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

He is young and not terribly experienced...only a fool makes such mistakes. Humphrey observed the young spell caster the entire time, never removing his serious eyes from the fellow's form. As soon as Rehtul was within close range, Humphrey reacted. Gracefully did the young hunter move. He side stepped the oncoming attack, aimed at his chest, but was still caught by the last portion of the attack. Blood pierced the kitsune hunter's furred body and spilled freely as the combat glove struck more towards the side of his chest, almost at his shoulder. The piercing talons deeply licked his flesh. Humphrey was already focused and the stinging injury made him concentrate even more.

His eyes narrowed into thin slits.

Humphrey was already moving by instinct and using the momentum that Rehtul used. Humphrey acted totally on instinct, and his grace became frighteningly apparent. He moved his wakizashi as if it were a part of his body, rotated it through the air and flicked both of his wrists together, the blade came back around from it's previous movement. The symbol on Humphrey's weapon was already glowing brightly. As Humphrey rotated his weapon, he took a mighty swing of it so that it would come crashing down on Rehtul. If it connected. He was aiming a downward rotating cut down across Rehtul's entire front portion. He meant for the attack to be a killing blow, and moved with Rehtul when Rehtul stepped away from the grazing attack of his own. He kept his eyes locked on Rehtul's own eyes.

The entire time, Humphrey's face was very serious. He knew what the stakes were, what the odds were. He was fighting a superior opponent...but he intended to win the battle. He counted off the seconds as he waited for the attack to potentially connect. If Humphrey missed his mark with the blade, he would continue to attack in the next portion of the battle. He knew he had to be cold and aggressive. Hunting the dangerous Makai of his people's legends had turned Humphrey into a well practiced killing machine. Humphrey saw his weapon's glowing blade out the corners of his eyes as he maneuvered his attack into position. The battle was a chance to prove his worth...and he intended to do just that.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

This is unfortunate. Rehtul would remember thinking this after the battle as his opponent’s blade was brought around the man for what he could only assume was meant to be a killing blow. Instinctually, Rehtul brought his clan’s unique power forward, surrounding himself in a casing of translucent, magical glass that materialized from nowhere. The blade found purchase on the smooth surface and pierced through it.

The young Orlouge gasped slightly as the blade stopped short of his chest, held back only by the magically formed glass surrounding him. A deep sigh of relief escaped the young man’s lips as the glass around him began to crack.

“That was way too close,” he muttered under his breath and looked at the person in front of him with a slight smile. He could feel the magic around him beginning to crack and strain to hold its shape around him.

“I guess I can’t afford to hold back,” he said as he released the portion of his will that was still holding the signature spell of his people, the Mystic Protection, in place. The glass wall surrounding him shattered and a little under half of the pieces dissolved into nothingness before the young man reached out with a single hand and brought the rest under his personal control. The sharpened shards of glass froze in midair at his mental command, all of them pointed at the creature before him.

With a simple flick of his wrist, Rehtul sent the remaining glass shards at his opponent, each of them hoping to find purchase in the man’s flesh. While glass was generally considered non-dangerous by most people, the magically summoned glass of Rehtul’s Protection spell was different. It had the material strength of iron and was capable of ripping through most low level light armors quite efficiently.

He pointed both of his hands at his opponent in the meantime, his eyes locking onto the form of the Kitsune before him. He would move, and Rehtul would catch him in the act. With simple force of will, he melted the point of contact between his gloves and the claws of ice that he had created for himself, and launched them forward, using each one as four-inch long projectiles aiming to tear through his opponent’s flesh.

The fact of the matter was that regardless of the other being’s intentions in this fight, Rehtul was not here to lose. He had to become strong enough to take a leadership role, and to act as one of the members of his family that others would look up to in times to come. He had to achieve a level on par with that of his uncle and his father. Only then would he be satisfied with his growth.

“I won’t lose.”

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

His weapon had completely missed.

The arcane glow from his symbol shown around his weapon. Humphrey finished his counter strike maneuver and ducked down casually. His tail whipped through the air of it's own accord, Humphrey turned on his heels to look at Rehtul's reaction. He is strong, he is determined. He's probably here to try to impress some girl or some clan member...that will be his undoing. Humphrey thought to himself just as his opponent spoke. He saw the power that the boy permeated, a control over the element of ice. The Orlouges wield tremendous power. This is worthy of investigation after the battle is over. I can learn a lot from a Wizard of that caliber, and maybe he has access to old scrolls and texts I can study... As Humphrey observed his opponent, in his mind's eye, he saw the ice shards manifesting out of the aether. Humphrey considered the possibility just as he saw the four inch ice shards manifest of their own volition. He didn't know anything about how the boy manipulated his power, only that he could manipulate it at will.

For a moment, Humphrey's eyes went wide with shock.

There are more than one shard...I can't let go of my focus now... As Humphrey once again moved into combat position, he looked at the boy the entire time. Then the attack sequence started, and Humphrey was on the move. Instead of dodging away from the shards, he moved...towards and through them. Humphrey was a thick furred lad, and the shards were meant to pierce a lesser creature. Strong as iron, he could feel the cloud of shards pierce through his unarmoured body parts. Kitsune blood splashed through the air creating a powerful scent. However, Humphrey danced and shimmied through the cloud using his agility to it's fullest capacity. He felt pain, but Rehtul was the target. I must focus through the pain if I am to win this battle...

Different men fought wars for different reasons, and Humphrey was no different.

Each ice shard that pierced his muscular flesh made Humphrey wince in agony. He could feel pain coursing through his limbs, but nothing had pierced a major organ. He was dancing around the larger pieces with the skill of an acrobat. He caught up with Rehtul's person at that point and unleashed his own attack. The cloud of ice shards were now well out of harm's way. Humphrey took his mighty weapon, and aimed a swinging slice of the blade towards Rehtul's chest. The blade reflected the light of the afternoon sun. Further, by then, the petals of the cherry blossom trees were falling to the grassy ground below. Humphrey could smell the scent of his own blood in the air. It was a strong scent to his sensitive nostrils, he was concentrating hard to remain focused despite that scent. Humphrey kept looking right into Rehtul's eyes.

A breeze came in from the west as Humphrey moved in to attack position. The breeze was warm and carried with it pollen and the scent of the cherry blossoms. It was an aromatic scent and it gave Humphrey a certain scent of euphoria as he swung his weapon. Humphrey looked at Rehtul from the full length of his snout. The attack was a skilled and well timed one, it was meant to catch his opponent off guard. Humphrey kept his eyes locked on Rehtul and he studied the young wizard. At that point, about the closing seconds of his beautiful slashing technique, Humphrey smiled at Rehtul.

"Victory or defeat, I will send you to The Great Beyond all the same. Ready yourself Rehtul Orlouge! Make ready to meet your maker!" The slash attack was strong and deadly, and his weapon glowed with power.

Second were oft the deciding factor for a misstep that would cause a warrior their battle...mere second.

[Rehtul Orlouge]

You have got to be kidding me! Rehtul shrieked inside his own mind. Irritated didn’t even begin to describe the feeling welling up within his heart as he watched the Kitsune dodge through the majority of his combined ice and Mystic Protection assault with the grace of a master fencer. For most people, there were few things as humiliating as seeing everything you throw into a contest, be it a contest of strength or of skill, be rendered completely ineffectual by one’s opponent. The large, furred man was upon him in a matter of moments.

The mage looked up at the man with a half smile, half frown, knowing that nothing he had in his arsenal would be enough to slow the creature down. He dodged backward as best as he could, jumping back through the clouds of flowers flitting and dancing around the two of them. The sword’s point dug into his chest this time, digging into his flesh and staining the young man’s clothing. As the young man landed beyond the range of the sword, his foot angled to one side underneath him. He fell to the ground on his side, the gash in his chest flowing into the ground beneath him.

Rehtul had never been dealt a blow this intense in all of his life. His chest rose and fell in ragged gasps and he could hear his ribcage rattling with each labored breath. It felt as though someone had doused his entire chest with the freshly melted wax of a large candle, but instead of cooling after a few seconds, the pain only escalated into a sharp throbbing that threatened to bring tears to his eyes.

“Dammit,” he muttered as he stood up. With a disgusted look on his face he reached over to the sleeve on his side to knock the dirt off, but winced in pain as the gash in his chest was pressed closed. He looked down at the severed flesh with a frown.

“So this is what combat does to people, huh? It rips them to shreds, reduces them to little more than meat, ready for the butcher to cut into tinier pieces. It’s almost comical that people of any race would willingly go through this against one another, knowing the pain they inflict upon their enemies... and themselves,” he said. He took a deep breath and immediately started coughing.

“Long monologues, bad idea,” he said, as he coughed again. The heaving of his chest caused the wound to tear open a little further as blood was flung down to the floor in front of him. He smiled grimly and looked at the Kitsune opposite him. There was something in the man’s gaze, a reason for fighting that went much further than honor or simple pride. This man was fighting for something that was dearly important to him, that much was certain.

A black look crossed the young man’s face as he considered his own reasons for fighting here in the Citadel. The fact of the matter was that he was looking to come up to the level that the older generation of the Orlouges had reached. What he hadn’t considered were the reasons that they had gained their power in the first place. What had driven them to acquire the powers that they had?

With a chuckle and a gasp of pain, Rehtul held a single hand above his head. The petals whirling around the two combatants stopped dead as the young ice mage drew upon them to fuel what he was sure was going to be his final attack.

Droplets of water flowed forth from the pink petals, and as the water left them, they began to turn brown and deathly, suspended in the breeze until finally every droplet was extracted from them. Slowly, the falling petals began to crumble into dust, little more than fertilizer now.

Rehtul raised both hands above his head, fighting off the pain of the gash in his chest as he clapped both hands together for but a moment. The water coalesced into a ball above his head, roughly a foot in diameter. The young mage slowly began to part his hands as the ball of water above him gradually began to thin and lengthen into a sheet of water about half an inch thick.

Rehtul gripped both of his hands into fists and looked at Humphrey silently. His eyelids narrowed slightly as he locked eyes with the Kitsune intently, never blinking. The sheet of water above his head froze instantly into a sheet of ice before beginning to crack and shatter into about a hundred smaller pieces, each as thin as a common ice pick and roughly the same length.

The Mystic swung both arms in front of him, opening his fingers as he did so. The one hundred large needles flared out around him on either side and closed in around on the Kitsune warrior in a pincer attack.

“I already said it once. I will not lose!” he said as he unleashed what he was beginning to see as his signature attack, what he had begun to term his “Hail of Needles.”

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

Debris of arcane dust swirled upward in the air.

There was that smile, the kitsune hunter was smiling the entire time.

He knew that the boy was preparing to face his final moments and was going to attempt to take Humphrey with him. Humphrey was prepared. As Humphrey felt the vast power freezing the air around them both, he looked at not the battle field, but someplace else. The aehter pool manifested before him, and Humphrey was calling upon his secret warder arts. This time however, he altered one of the basic teachings of the demon slayer, intent was there. And the intent was very much demonic and impure. It was a simple process in all truth, he knew intent was everything with the mystic arts. Humphrey formed the symbols of his own chi pool and manifested a powerful symbol. Once he etched the syntaxed symbol in his head, he was prepared to use the power itself. In his mind's eye, he saw the powerful field that his clan called the aether. It was a dark void where many elemental properties lurked, and thus, the secrets of the warders. Humphrey knew what he was about to do...it went against the teachings of the warders. But there was Rehtul, of Clan Orlouge, attempting to kill the hunter. The emotions alone invoked a powerful and potent energy that swelled up within the hunter.

And his chi pool erupted.

As Rehtul's magical attacks pierced the hunter's flesh something erupted from deep within Humphrey's soul. Something dark and very sinister swelled outward. Humphrey stood there in a trance, and began to speak in the warder tongues, conjuring the precise whisper needed to harm Rehtul Orlouge with the warder powers. Humphrey was using the secret arts in a way that they were never meant to be used, but he knew, that in this way he would secure the only thing that mattered. Victory. At all costs, against a highly dangerous enemy. An enemy that even now stared at Humphrey with that murderous stare. He intends to kill, so do I. Humphrey barely recalled the thought as he yelled one suddenly word.

It was a syntax on the warder arts that he'd corrupted within himself. Humphrey released a loud yell and there was that sinister whisper within the yell. Voices within that voice. Humphrey's hand suddenly moved of it's own accord, tracing the symbol of the warder arts. Then, a few seconds later, the symbol manifested in the air in front of Humphrey. Humphrey's eyes opened and they glowed with a terrible power. The power of the warders. The symbol was shining in a powerful red colour, and the symbol was the warder word for Hume. Humphrey moved his hand towards Rehtul Orlouge and the symbol rotated for a few seconds. Then it began to move at an increasing speed towards Rehtul Orlouge's body. If the symbol were to connect, Rehtul's fate would be sealed.

"To The After with you son of Clan Orlouge." Humphrey said with that voice that was not his voice but many. And he could feel the hundred needles of ice and frost magics piercing his own flesh with that very same lethal intent. But there was one difference...

Humphrey was ready to kill.

And as the needles hit him, he could feel the pain of his flesh...the physical shell being ripped to pieces. Humphrey remained calm as he waited to see the effects of the warder arts...

[Rehtul Orlouge]

I got him! the young man exclaimed inside his head. The right side of Rehtul’s mouth curved upward as he watched his needles hit their mark. It was just as satisfying as it ever was, seeing an opponent hit with all of his force at once, but something seemed off. The Kitsune didn’t even seem to notice the attack hitting him. In fact, he seemed much more intent on something deeper within himself.

No, it couldn’t be... Is he a mage too? Rehtul thought. He could feel his balance beginning to shift in odd directions as he watched the man before him, even before his vision started to blur. No, not now... Too much blood loss?

The blue stain on his robe was beginning to spread even further as he gripped his head with one hand. His eyes dilated and focused constantly as his vision swam before him. His lips curled downward as he struggled to stand back up, before falling onto all fours. A low growl rumbled from deep in his throat as he looked up at Humphrey, eyes sharp and narrow as he attempted to figure out what the man was attempting to do.

Something glowing and red was forming in the air before the creature that the young Mystic was fighting against, something dark and ominous. Blinking, Rehtul attempted to clear his vision enough to see exactly what it was. A ragged coughing fit erupted through his body as a particularly painful throb wracked his chest. The young man’s eyes began to water up, and bright blue blood poured ever more freely from the open wound on his chest, drenching the grass below with its royal blue hue.

“Dammit!” Rehtul cursed as the pain from his chest slowly went back down to a dull throb. He looked up at the man before him, blinking through tears, and tried once more to get a look at the shape that had appeared, now fully formed, in front of the beast that he had decided to take on in his arrogance.

Well, I knew my luck would run out sooner or later. There’s always someone better, he thought as he closed his eyes and pulled his legs up underneath him into the lotus position before finally sitting up right. It was all he could do to maintain that pose and not collapse onto the dirt beneath him, but he would not collapse completely.

Too weak to stand, but I will not be beaten lying down.

The symbol that Humphrey had summoned barreled toward the young man at an ever increasing speed. He could feel the energy heading toward him, but could not see it. There was nothing he could do but embrace the inevitable. The energy, dark and malevolent, flowed over him, engulfing his body. His eyes snapped open and he rose to his feet quickly, the pain driving his muscles to react on sheer adrenaline.

A scream erupted from his lips as the energy began to grow around him. His skin began to char and flake off, and licks of flame began to erupt from within his body. The flames grew in intensity around his body, growing larger. As they reached the largest size that they could, they began to alter in color, growing light orange, and finally a bright pink.

Death happens, he thought as the pink flames began to quickly eat at his body. His body dried out, his eyeballs disappeared, his skin became dried out and leathery, and finally his body exploded outward, the pink flaming body parts falling slowly and disintegrating in the air, like the sakura flowers that the young man had destroyed only moments before.

[~Humphrey_Nonyton~]

Humphrey watched the young man's body burn to ashes.

Desperation oft lead to even more desperate tactics as a situation called for it.

Humphrey used every ounce of his strength to sacrifice himself to defeat a superior opponent. And so it happened that Humphrey paid a terrible price for what he'd done. In re-writing the very essence of the sacred teachings, Humphrey had burned a part of his soul and right as the boy's body burnt to ashes and withered into nothingness, Humphrey felt a tremendous pain in his chest. Power has a terrible price sometimes at the cost of one's own life. Humphrey clutched as his chest for a long moment and realized with a terrible feeling of alarm that he was about to die. He gripped at his chest as the heart attack progressed rapidly. "No!" He yelled out loud. Sometimes ambition was it's own demon. Humphrey fell to one knee, and he looked up at the nearby cherry blossoms trees. Many of the closer ones were scorched horribly by Rehtul's magics and his own devastating power. What have I done? Humphrey knew he'd altered a rune of the sacred arts...that had been critical to reaching that point in the battle. However, in so doing...he'd paid a terrible price. As he looked up at the sky desperately, he thought over and over how life had mocked the young hunter. "I wanted to win!" Humphrey yelled to the old gods.

In the distance he could hear a stranger laughing.

In hunter society, it was said the old ones oft visited hunters before they fell in battle. To guide their wings to The After or Hell. Humphrey attempted desperately to fight his fight. He was a survivor by nature, and he refused to accept the fact that he was doom. Then, he saw the figure manifest before him. It was an elder of his clan. One of the forefathers of clan Nonyton. He was a mighty warrior of his people and had many tails. Tails were a sign of power in his culture, and his ancestor had many. Humphrey was openly crying by the time that the elder walked towards him.

"You have corrupted the teachings." The warrior was smiling as he said that. "You have awakened something terrible within your heart and soul." The elder suddenly removed a short blade from it's scabbard. "You know what to do boy."

Afraid and dying alone, Humphrey nodded. "For my honour." Humphrey said casually as his heart was rapidly failing him, he took the short blade in his own hands. The elder guided him, and in reality, Humphrey stabbed himself in the chest, right through the heart. It was a clean piercing stab and Humphrey collapsed to his death.

[Rayleigh]

Good afternoon, gentlemen! Please note, I am not the one who judged this. I am posting this judgement for Sulla.

Thread Title - A Contender Arrives...[Open to 1!!!]
Pariticipants – ~Humphrey_Nonyton~ and Rehtul Orlouge


Plot (14/15)

Story: (6/5)

Humphrey, as far as I can tell, entered The Citadel as a test to himself - which, if we go by the ending, was a smashing failure on his part. But why he, as a demon hunter, chose the arena as his venue seemed vague as far as reasons were concerned. He mentions it’s his first time going into the place, so there was no real connection with The Citadel beforehand, and this makes me wonder a bit about what stories or rumors he has heard of the place. Why would, essentially, an exorcist want to fight in mortal combat? There were allusions to the need of all Althanians to fulfil their sick bloodlust, himself included, but his duty and training are focused on a different sort of violence. Moreover, by his own history, he’s already had himself tested against the Makai - demons - and really has no need to use The Citadel to cut his teeth.

Your saving grace in this regard was certainly the ending. While I felt that quite a bit of the story left me with lingering questions as to your character’s motivations, having Humphrey pervert his power as a means to victory certainly seemed like a logical step in the pitched battle.

Rehtul’s motivations were a bit more clear - he wanted the same respect and admiration (even skill) as his famous kin. It’s a fairly standard, though perfectly viable, reason to enter the arena, but there were some issues when he first entered that left me scratching my head. Rehtul had clearly been there before. Not only were hints to previous battles mentioned in your posts, but there was also a monk at the beginning who he recognized and clearly loathed.

Yet I was left wondering about these previous encounters with The Citadel and the monk. Why had these earlier battles not taught him the merits of leadership and what it meant to be an Orlogue? Why would this one be any different? Even more puzzling - why did Rehtul hate that monk so much? I know the holyman’s habit of corny jokes was mentioned, but what were they? The remark he gave Rehtul at the beginning of this one was clearly more a snide comment than a facepalming gaffaw. When you open up parts of a character’s past to use in the current situation, you should certainly give them a bit more information on what has occurred. It needn’t be some dense paragraph, but even just a few more sentences on his past with the monk could shed light on how often Rehtul finds himself fighting, as well as some insight into his character - because, frankly, I took his overreaction to the monk’s presence as some sort of hint at Rehtul’s youthful vigor and more childish behavior, and I’m still not certain if I’m accurate in that.

Setting: (4/5)

Both of you seemed to forget that the setting existed in your posts for extended periods of time. Occasionally, you’d note the pollen, the sun, the grass, and the cherry blossoms, but then it would move straight back into descriptions of action or thought. A lot of these hints at setting were just that - hints. There wasn’t that much substance to them. Worse, the repetition in your descriptions - cherry blossoms floating in the wind, the smell of pollen, the grass beneath you - made the entire thing feel very static and one dimensional. It didn’t really come alive to me, and I had trouble picturing anything other than the backdrop to the drama that was unfolding.

Humphrey, I’m subtraction points from you specifically for an oversight on your part. In your first post, you mention that the fields around you were full of “many field workers…” who were gathering supplies. But in your very next post, you say “... a presence filled the empty field.” An inconsistency like that makes the reader have to change everything they’d been picturing. And since these field workers were never mentioned again, it would have been better to edit their inclusion out in your first post.

You did, however, give me a strong showing for setting at the beginning when you described Humphrey’s approach to The Citadel.

Rehtul, I actually enjoyed the mental image of your character draining the very water from some nearby floating blossoms in Post 10, and using the scenery to your advantage not only helps your character in combat, but really improves upon a flat background.

Pacing: (4/5)

Again, there were problems from both of you here, but that’s fairly common in battles. Once the pacing is set by one writer, it’s hard to keep the flow of the story clean for the other, and then it’s hard to keep the action tight all around. I will say that once the thread started to move further along, the pacing became far tighter, and certainly much more conducive to reading.

Humphrey, there were so many times when I was engaged with each step of your character’s martial prowess, only to be drawn out when you gave these fairly long-winded and technical explanations of his powers and techniques. But rarely did they need to go into such detail, because they weren’t describing the motion of his blade or the swiftness of his feet, which was happening in the now. They focused on the history of his clan, or his meditative stance. While I encourage such tidbits of backstory and persona, you need to try to place them in the lull of the action, and not in the midst of an attack or a dodge. Just be careful of where they go, and reread what you just wrote - not just for mechanics, but to see if the pace of the battle has slowed at all.

In your third post, there was a particularly egregious error when you were countering Rehtul’s initial attack. You began to describe your character - “quickly lash(ing) out at Rehtul's back with a strong stabbing maneuver.“ But then you go on to describe Humphrey rushing forward to finish his counter, committing further to the attack in almost the same words, but closing the distance. Something like this makes me picture two separate strikes, because these two parts were close, but a short paragraph (more a sentence) apart. Try not to move backward in time in your narration, especially in a battle, unless you’re attempting an advanced technique. Not only is it confusing to a reader, it just doesn’t move the fight to its exciting conclusion.

Rehtul, for the most part you fared a bit better in pacing. I’ve never been particuarly fond of monologues - in thoughts or speech - in the middle of the action. I understand it’s a sort of styled habit a lot of writers get into, and of course a world with lead singer orcs and plant ladies isn’t going to be wholly realistic, but it does absolutely drag down the flow of your writing, especially when it goes on for too long. I enjoyed Rehtul’s thoughts, but when a wakizashi is swung at him, they’re not what I’m most interested in.

However, you too had a grave error, in your second post, that seemed to cripple the opening of the fight. You opened the battle by forming a spear, lunging at Humphrey, sliding past him, before stopping to turn around, and form ice shards to fling at your opponent. That’s a lot of action to take place in such a small space of time, especially without some sort of boost to speed. If Humphrey countered you, he’d have to turn around some what, which means Rehtul wouldn’t have that much time. However, I’d be willing to let that go, if it didn’t cause Humphrey to go over the spear strike in his next post, before dealing with the ice projectiles. Again, we’re drawn back in time, and of course the reader is left wondering how your opponent managed to deal with that all the while. There’s a hanging question, and things like that are very distracting when you’re trying to keep the pacing tight. If you want to use so many moves in one post, I can only suggest you talk to your opponent, to see if he’s willing to be bunnied for a bit. Having Humphrey begin his counter then would have solved several issues down the line.


Character: (14/18)

Communication: (4/7)

Humphrey, I’m going to start off by being rather blunt. That Dwarven accent at the beginning was just dreadful, though I don’t hold you too accountable for that. Accents are difficult to write out, especially if you’re not use to listening to the particular speech you’re trying to convey at the time. I know it was supposed to be Scottish, and I think that would shine through even if you toned it down. Try reading it outloud, especially a word like 'yer're' (where 'yuhr', 'yer', 'yahr', or 'yar' would all work. 'Yer' already sounds like the contraction 'you're', by virtue of sounding like 'your'.) Something that could have worked in its place would be the melding of another word, like 'once yer'rin there…' Although, as I mentioned, accents are hard, and I’m not great at them either. When in doubt, use less. It will end up being less distracting.

You also had issues with Humphrey’s dialogue. He came off as fairly long winded, but you described him as being focused and full of vigor during the heat of combat and that doesn’t really lend itself well to long monologues.

One thing I really enjoyed was when you said...
This is a perfect way to demonstrate anger and focus, without telling me he's angry and focused, and I really wished you used a bit more of it.

One final thing to look out for is how much you relied on narration to describe a character. You don’t need to tell me ‘the dwarf had a surprisingly cheerful demeanor.’ Tell me that Humphrey was surprised at the dwarf’s cheerfulness. Not only does this tell us about the dwarf, but it also provides some insight into Humphrey as a character. It makes him seem more the stranger in a strange land, from a foreign culture, in a place he has never been before. At one point, instead of mentioning how sternly Humphrey looked, you simply stated that “his eyes narrowed into thin slits.” Something simple like this conveys so much meaning, and helps paint the scene more vividly, and I thought you used it to great success, but far too sparingly.

Rehtul, I mentioned my reservations about so much internal monologue during a fight, and you used it quite a bit. However, I must commend you on your use of body language and dialogue to describe your character as fairly brash. There was something entirely childish to Rehtul’s nature, from his overreaction to the monk at the beginning, to the continued thoughts of how other Orlogues would deal with issues. Things like this really play up his youthfulness. I can only suggest that you play to that as a strength - that adolescent need to rely on the mental image of a family member or trusted authority figure, and the inability to censor their tongue.

Action: (6/6)

For the most part, you both did fairly well in sticking to actions that felt entirely within character, but I would have liked to see more of it.

Humphrey is a hunter by trade, and was seemingly the more stern of the two. It made sense for him to be on the defensive for most of the battle, and I enjoyed that. But as an experienced hunter, why on earth would he allow himself to take so many hits? I just couldn’t really understand why he would allow himself to be torn at by so many sharp shards that came flying at him in a cloud near the climax of the thread. It’s reckless, especially from someone who thought it was foolish for his opponent to turn his back on him in a fight.

Rehtul seemed determined from the onset to go full throttle against his foe, having learned some need to from a previous battle. And I must admit, it was impressive the amount of times he started the engagement, as it seemed to leave Humphrey with only reactions to the withering displays of magic. The only thing that could improve this category at all, would have also come into play under story. Just a bit more detail of Rehtul’s earlier escapades in The Citadel would illuminate why he’d learned to go on the offensive so quickly, and better illustrate the gravitas of his actions.

Persona: (4/6)

By the time the thread was finished, I still had a lot of questions about who Humphrey is. There were vignettes of his past dropped into the narrative that were a helpful start, but they ended up feeling not only sparse, but separated from the action at hand. He's a demon hunter from a tribe of kitsune that specialize in it, but it was hard to really understand the man beyond that. He wanted a great test for himself, he seemed fairly well-mannered when meeting monk and opponent, but then there was this sudden switch where he unleashed a never before used, taboo technique to dispatch Rehtul. It felt like a bit of a disconnect, to be certain. I never really got the inclination that Humphrey was willing to win a battle at any cost until just before it happened. While the battle with pitched and brutal, for such a seemingly mild-mannered soul to quickly forgo all that his culture instilled in him just felt a bit out of place. I'd recommend including some more backstory about why beating an opponent, pushing himself and his abilities and moral to victory, was so important. If there was some tragedy in the past that brought him to this point, I'd absolutely hint at it earlier in the thread. It will help you keep up a much more consistent character. If that wasn't the reason, than at least hint more overtly that Humphrey's gentile side is being brought to its breaking point in each post. I assure you that it'll end up much more rewarding.

As I've mentioned before, Rehtul had the sort of petty eagerness one excepts in a younger fighter, with that chip on his shoulder and something to prove to his family and others. I thought you did a good job creating the mystique of youthful vigor, and it worked well to contrast the seemingly more sagely Humphrey during the battle. You should play to this strength more in future threads. Continue to hearken back to Sei and the other Orlogues and their words, throw in scattered memories and vignettes of their words. You've already taken steps in this direction, but a few more examples would be welcomed, scattered throughout the fight.


Prose: (13/15)

Mechanics: (4/4)

There were quite a number of mistakes from the both of you that mired this thread. Most of them would not have been picked up easily in a word processor, but there were still examples that could have easily been solved by noticing the red correct line underneath.

Humphrey, there were numerous times when you forgot commas all together, and almost an equal amount of times where you used too many. In addition to that, a number of simple mistakes, like using the instead of their, or him instead of himself. Going over a thread with a fine-toothed comb is an easy way to burn yourself out when writing, but try going back to a post hours or a day later, and giving it a fresh perspective. You'll be astounded at the amount of mistakes you'll pick up. You can also always ask someone to give you a quick proofread. Things like these always help my often erratic pattern of forgetting things, or even adding too much.

Rehtul, your mechanics were a different sort of muddled. While your comma use and run-on sentences weren't nearly as noticeable, you had a rather debilitating habit of repetition in your sentences. things like -

“Rehtul looked at the monk as he stopped short in front of a nearby door. He stopped short…”
Repetition in word use can be unavoidable, but when it isn't, please try to hamper it at all costs. It's incredibly obvious to a reader, and breaks the narrative flow. I'd echo the same advice I gave Humphrey. Wait for some time to pass, and look at it with fresh eyes, and especially have a friend (or an enemy, whatever) take a second look at it for you. You'll often encounter the issue of your own mind working against you, not noticing simple mistakes like repetition, because you didn't mean for it to come out that way. Even if you reread, it might end up looking different as you pass it over. Another reader can help loads in the editing process.

Also, please try to use quotation makes, even when italicized, when indicating thought. It makes things appear much more clearly, especially when italics can be used for emphasis or place names.

Clarity: (4/5)

For clarity, a long it of boils down to the mechanical issues in the thread. Repetition is grating when read, but not nearly as bothersome as having the sentence stop, start, and continue passed where it feels natural.

Humphrey, another issue for this was the change in setting you produced early on, which caused me to reread everything three times to make sure I'd understood it correctly. I don't like second guessing myself, especially when I'm not at fault. Just try to be mindful of such drastic shifts as you did in this thread (the villagers v. the empty field), as things like this can count against the score.

Rehtul, although this goes to Humphrey for a lesser extent, a lot of your descriptions for the attacks and injuries your character suffered did not seem to mesh well with how Humphrey described the attack. Take, for example -

Humphrey had described taking a slash, which would make position seem meaningless when it comes to damaging your lungs. In fact, you'd have other problems if the slash got that deep, blood loss would finish you off quicker. Make sure to read through your opponents attack a few times to be completely certain, it will make your writing far more clear.

Technique: (5/6)

Neither of you used terrible advanced technique, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. In a thread like this, prose might end up being too dense to wade through to get to the juicy details of the action. However, a certain amount of balance should be found between the imagery and poetry, and the clarity of the attacks. I can only suggest more battles, to sharpen your sense on where to drop and where to add these in.

Humphrey, you kept it fairly plain for a lot of the thread, and sometimes overly clinical in description, but I did appreciate your use of lore as an illustrative device, especially when describing the clan elder. Knowing that tails representing power, and that he had many, did a lot to add some gravitas to his entry, no matter how short it was.

While you played it safe as well, there was one passage that I found particularly engaging. When you compared Rehtul's death to the falling blossoms of the tree, I felt it was both your strongest use of setting, and the most elegant way you could exit the fight. Kudos to you for that, but try to use comparisons like that more.


Wildcard (7/7)

While this thread had its flaws, I enjoyed the battle between level-headedness and rashness, unknown and famous name - it had all the makings of a really epic showdown, and I can only ask that there be a rematch in the future for you two to try again, and absolutely nail it next time.

Total - (48/56)

Rehtul Orlouge receives 1313 EXP and 67 GP.
Humphrey Norton receives 394 EXP and 67 GP.

[Rayleigh]

All EXP and GP have been added!