Go Along To Get Along (Open)

[Salem]

Salem sat on a perch. The young male elf pierced the open area with his bright yellow eyes. The faint whistle in the air played a tone to his ears as he watched the open area and he couldn't help but feel energized. This as odd as it may sound; Salem felt on top of the world. The faint whistle and mental image in his head played like music video. Although he couldn't think of the words the tone he could live, breath and die hearing.

Standing up, Salem jumped from the top of the massive drop grabbing a fluttering long thick banner. The rip of leather banner held his weight just enough to keep the fall manageable to land safely. With the thud of his feet to the cobble stone road he looked down the road to the citadel. His upbeat stride looked like “swagger” if you will; the sway of the shoulders and gleaming lifeless. His eyes showed him to happy yet trapped in his own fantasy, maybe.

But neither here nor there even though he was in one place in his mind he was still seeking a thrill to be had.
He was rounding the corn to the arenas. He walked up, blinking coming more alive physically. The elf spoke with excitement, “A sparring room, please”. The monk standing at his normal spot just behind the alter look like counter looking piece of furniture. So with a breif nod and not even a word in return the monk done a jester of follow me and lead the way. The ever shining green glowing portal swirled in a mix of circles and electrical looking designs. Of course, Salem passed through and this time he was surprised as to what he landed in.


A island…


The waves washed on the white sands. The sun beamed down him and the landscape. With a smile he looked around taking in further detail the tall grass and mid-sized boulders and rocks throughout the small island. Maybe a mile or so wide from what he could tell.The grass was common with what most seen at the beach. The grass acting as the helping hand for the sand and landscape to stay together. The odd detail most actually didn't know. The grass was highly flammable. Salem’s only question was who he would be facing.

[Tobias Stalt]

Cerulean skies stretched out toward every horizon. Unmolested by cloud cover, the sun glistened over cresting waves. As he strode across white sands, Tobias Stalt lamented the tragedy of a beautiful battlefield. "Pity," he murmured as his knee rested on the coarse ground. "It's almost too beautiful to ruin." With a sigh, he turned his gaze toward the grassy landscape that would be their proving ground.

"Almost."

The Citadel was a familiar fantasy. Nothing around him was rooted in reality, no matter what tricks his mind played. Tropical scents wafted across his nostrils in the west wind that came off the ocean. More prevalent to Tobias than notes of salty sea air was his opponent. The enemy stood erect, confident and aloof as elves are wont to be. He boasted shocking yellow eyes, a perfect enemy for Tobias' golden gaze.

With slow, labored steps through sand, the worn warrior met his adversary. "Stalt," he said plainly. There had been a time when Tobias had not given his name, and he preferred to let his blades do the talking. He had been a younger man, then. Younger and foolhardy, and without respect. Time and trial had tempered him into a different sort of man. "Tobias Stalt. And you are?"

He let the question hang, almost droll by the sound of it, but his interest was earnest. His dark apparel was at odds with their bright, temperate surroundings. Tobias looked cold, empty, and devoid of the life that thrived all around him. His chestnut hair blown by the wind hinted at life, but somewhere very distant.

Both his arms hung at his side, burdened by the coming battle. His body language spoke for him in deference. He would allow his opponent to make the first move.

Tobias managed to smile.

[Salem]

The lifeless arrival, it was a shame to see a man in such a state. Of course, Salem was a young elf with magnitude of energy and it showed on his face. As he stood with aura of confidence he knew at first glaze the new comer was not to be taken lightly. He knew from first glance by the appearance of his opponent that he was a veteran of battle. IT was how you got that look. “The name is Salem”, he spoke with a grin still plastered on his face. Yet, his mind still wondered to the battle his opponent had seen. Somehow of course he couldn’t prove his thoughts about the other male but he would just label it a hunch for the moment.

Back to the matter at hand before his mind went on a spree of tales and wondering the path of the new comer. So just as he spoke his name Salem took off in a sprint toward his opponent. Pulling a single steel dagger from his sheath located on his back side. Looking as if he was going to just charge in outright sadly; however this was not the case. Salem would drag his left foot into the sand sending out a pretty fair amount kicking in up and out. Shielding himself from his opponents glaze or so this was his intention. Salem would jump up spinning around to the point he would be looking down at his opponent with feet straight in the air. All the while he was hiding a fireball from the point of shielding himself. His attack would be to strike his to the head with a good ol fire ball. Maybe take a little of the top right? Of course this was just a test. Salem would land to his opponents back left and Salem’s back right. Giving him a good chance to land back to his feet before his opponent would strike him. This of course was all the point of his idea and actions. He would have to see how such went.

Laughing, Salem had a sense arrogance but not to the point of he believed himself better than him just showing how that he was young like must males he had that trait to himself. At this point, Salem would his weapon in reverse grip. He was prepared for whatever was to happen next. This battle would be exciting he believed. Maybe not for other but for Salem this was a test of his most recent adventures to test his new found strength.


New found strength or huge ego. Only time would tell.

[Tobias Stalt]

Impassively, the Mercenary watched as his foe burst into action. Intent washed the smile from his face as Tobias made good on their unspoken contract; the dealings between fighters in the Citadel were a time honored tradition. For thousands of years the monolithic ziggurat stood, the means behind its make shrouded in mystery. For all his studies and the scrolls his father owned, the enigma eluded even Tobias.

The faint hiss of metal abolished any need for deeper thought. Blackheart ruptured the fragile peace between them in a fluid arc. "You're a quick one," Tobias praised gently, though his movements belied brutal efficiency. His opponent had already bared iron and rushed toward him, heralded by an inglorious dusting of sand. "Aye," he muttered, "quick."

Grains of alabaster buffeted his chest as Tobias stepped casually forward. They fell harmlessly away, like water. "You spread yourself too thin," the Witch Hunter remarked flatly. "When you attempt many things, you fail to succeed at even one."

As the elf punched out for his face with a ball of fire, Tobias met the heat with an open palm. Determination was etched on his face as flames licked his flesh. Crackling and spitting, the petulant spell whined in disappointment as a chill crept through its center. The wavering light roiled and writhed, then scattered into cinders.

Seared slightly, Tobias ignored the dull pain in his palm as smoke billowed from the nexus of their strikes. He turned slowly, the weighty black blade pointed down. "Here," he offered in a kind voice, "let me teach you something about combat. This one's on me, kid."

Footprints in the sand measured the distance between the two. Five paces. "More than enough," Tobias muttered. "Get ready."

With that split second warning, Tobias exploded into motion. His body closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. Blackheart was a flurry of motion, several sweeping strokes woven together in the blink of an eye.

The battle had begun at last.

[Salem]

That was something new… His flame didn’t even really burn his opponent or if it did he couldn’t tell if his opponent was really cared that he was burned. Grinning as he heard the words of his opponent. The male burst forward. Salem knew he would have no luck with a retreat as his escape. Go big or go home was Salem’s first mental and physical reaction. Salem to jolted forward with the idea and understanding it was easier to make up for the speedy different by having a smaller amount of ground to cover. The sweeping motion of the swordsmanship was precise. The first set of swings he barely escaped the full strength but did get cut up a bit, although in the heat of battle he had yet to feel it yet. Pushing in and trying to connect to the hilt of his opponent’s lower end of the weapon to push down to the hilt. Salem did have a fair amount of quickness about himself. Some would say he was twice as fast as your normal person. Oddly enough such was not enough to keep him from being unharmed.

Salem drew his other dagger with speed becoming of him. Salem side out and then inward to his opponent pushing to connect toward the hilt of weapon with flat portion of his blade pushing the edge of the blade into the hilt. Meanwhile, using his other arm he turned the point of his dagger to slice across his abdomen hoping to at least slow down his opponent’s crazy speed. He wasn’t banking making the fight completely fair of course he never seen a fair fight, but why not hope just a little bit. The statement in his mind was at best wishful thinking as Salem couldn’t help to move his lips and spew out a snarky comment or two.

“So what is this about teaching kids?” Salem couldn't help but sound snotty. This wasn't your typical mockery, it was a cheap shot calling the man old.

Oddly, during his traded blows Salem couldn't feel the cuts to his body. Although now, Salem could feel the burning after effect people get from being fairly deep. Salem decided bite his dagger by the hilt and release a flame. Running the flame across his left should to the middle of his chest. The burn hurt quite a bit. “Son of Ah”, Salem released the words in an angered tone. Cauterized the wounds helped him from worrying about blooding the death if it came to that. But now he wasn't so sure about his luck of the draw.

Why did he have to fight the one old man in Althanas who's speed made him looked like he was still scratching himself...


Young males vs old men. A story of many through out Althanas. Who would stand victorious?

[Tobias Stalt]

Tobias reigned in his rampaging weapon skillfully and with a thunderous crash, their blades locked. There was a fire in those yellow eyes that Tobias understood far too well. As he looked between the two blades toward the man, he acknowledged the desire, it not the skill. One would inevitably beget the other, but it would take cultivation and dedication.

Instead of a verbal response, Tobias watched as flames scortched the confident youth at his own behest. He wanted nothing more than to stand tall against impossible odds, and he went so far as to melt his own flesh to keep himself standing.

"You have some spirit," the war torn veteran acknowledged. "It'll keep you alive, but it wanes after a while."

Blackheart slipped into its sheath as Salem finished patching himself up. "Can't learn if you bleed out, I suppose," Tobias conceded with a sigh. "Give it a minute," he told the other man, "then come at me again."

Tobias stripped the cloak from his mantle, and the wind took it. Like a black wind, the vlince blew toward the ocean and settled in the sand. He stood now half-naked, scars and bruises littered across his torso. His tanned flesh caught the island sun.

Hung at his hips, a full arsenal of weaponry now stood in plain view. Two silvery steel blades crossed the small of his back, and an ivory tinted metal object reflected the warmth from above. A keen Alerian eye would discern that it was a firearm. "Now," he called, the distinct crack of his knuckles audible as he curled them into fists.

"Come at me."

[Salem]

Now sore and slightly angered Salem watched his opponent. His bright yellow eyes flickered back and forth as they took in the view of battle scars and bruises. “Was this what he was in search off?”, Salem thought silently to himself. To end up as a product of his chosen environment was a question Salem had to ask himself. However; this was Salem’s choice. He would chase this dream to be a fine warrior. The idea of being the best did not hold a sway over his mind. He wanted to hone his skills to a deadly edge, still yet being okay with being seen as a number two so to speak. The words rang his ears.

“You have some spirit,” then he paused "It'll keep you alive, but it wanes after a while."
The older man spoke. His final words as he looked Salem face to face saying “Again”.

Salem didn’t need a second invitation. He sheathed his daggers in their proper place. Not that Salem didn’t want to end fight with a touch of his blades, but he was proven he was not going to win with them no matter how head strong he pushed forward.

Balling up his first and getting in a brawlers stance. The turned torso and shifted stance looking just like boxer. He moved toward his opponent. Salem still felt the lurking kinetic energy from the previous intense exchange and so he would feed from that. As he neared his opponent he grinned. Using his springy feet ability he would out of now where hop in a forward yet sideward direction. Although, he knew that his jab would be a bit slower. His springy feet would make him move faster toward his opponent than normal. Maybe this would make up the difference or maybe not. Salem reached out hopping to connect three short quick jabs to his opponent. While then finishing to the far left of Stalt position, Salem grinned. Somehow he still refused to admit the most obvious truth. He was losing this bout.

[Tobias Stalt]

A pained sigh escaped as Tobias watched the elven boy bound forward. The young ones were always the same, just like he had been. It was time to make good on his promise to teach this one a lesson.

When the first jab came, he slapped it away. No fancy counterattack or fleet-footed dodge. Tobias stood his ground, and three more punches found his open palm. On the last, Tobias took a step forward as the young elf hurriedly leaped away. At this point, his condition was proof more than words that Salem's tactics needed refinement.

The time for talking through, Tobias relaxed his muscles and eased into a foreign combat stance. His body was loose with both arms at his sides, and when Salem landed, the mercenary pounced. A flurry of fists quicker than the naked eye assailed the Dark Elf.

The breeze blew independent of their battle, a low whisper beneath the barking of blows. Above them, a tree rattled and a bird cried out. While Tobias threw punches merely to distract and misdirect his opponent, his true motive became clear in an instant.

The powerful elbow swept toward Salem from the left without warning, intent on his nose.

[Salem]

Salem was disappointed that his blows had not landed, not even one. The event was rather disgraceful to him. He eyed the Slalt as he forward back toward Salem then opened up with a fury of blows from a stance he was not familiar with. Still however; Salem gaining a sense of his opponents rhythm from his battle and with his general knowledge of learning how to notice how and when blows were coming he prepared for the assault coming toward him. Going to his standard street fighter defense Salem would get set for what was coming next. Guarding his face like a boxers. Salem actually did manage to block the first two blows and dodge the third. Sadly, after this for every one he blocked or managed to dodge he got hit at least twice or so he believed.

Then with the final unsuspecting blow of the elbow from his opponent Salem actually didn’t notice this before a moment’s notice. He covered his face and let his right arm take the most of what he effectivity blocks that elbow the best he could.

Salem never took the actual hit to the face but the force of the blow had hurt, a lot. Knocked to the side Salem nearly went over as caught himself by with his hand pushed out and then circled around using his other hand to get back to his feet. Salem knew he may not last much longer. He wanted to the win this fight more than anything yet he had finally got the point that may not be possible. The brave hearted youth would use one last trick…

Salem laughed a loud heavily as he barely stood on his own two feet. “Hahahaha”, he went on as he wiped the blood from his face with his bruised arms and hands.

Raising his hand for one last fuck you to his opponent he grinned as he watched his Astraga Crest glow. The black onyx ring glows with a black and yellow hum. Summing a fire ball the size just big enough to be two to three foot in diameter and pushed it at his opponent. The fire was much hotter than normal. Salem was exhausted as threw what he had left into the blazing furnace of a ball of destruction. This was indeed hotter than anything he could summon. You see normally his fire was hot enough to maybe give second degree burns, now he was very sure his fire could easily give nasty third degree burns to the smug old man.

So, with his last stitch effort of barbecuing his opponent Salem started staggering a bit like he was drunk. If he was unsuccessful he was pretty sure the next step was waking on the floor in the moving.

[Tobias Stalt]

Familiar heat.

Tobias watched the fireball grow in size and intensity before him as Salem wove his spell together. The urge to scatter it tugged at the mercenary, but there was a greater point to drive home. As flames licked at his flesh and the surface layer rippled and boiled, Tobias sucked in an arid breath. "I have felt this before," he explained softly. His voice sounded more nurturing than a reprimand.

His face contorted in a horrific grimace as the ball of heat warped his chest and caused his nerves to spasm. He was a pillar of agony for a long moment while Salem no doubt relished his triumphant strike. Tobias tilted his head back and let the pain in.

The heat evaporated before it could burn him away, however. The spell began to shudder as his cryptic command touched it, and the fire waned. Tendrils of smoke swirled skyward from the lingering burns on his chest, but Tobias walked toward Salem unshaken.

"I know fire all too well," the Witch Hunter spoke now with a level voice, though it wavered from intense pain. "And pain..." Tobias heaved a sigh as he retrieved one of the long knives from his back. "Pain is merely a lesson learned."

He strode over to where the elf staggered and placed a hand on his burnt chest. The searing pain caused his eyes to grow wide and a scream died in his throat, but Tobias lifted his blade.

"This is your lesson," he explained to Salem once his body ceased to shudder. "Death," Tobias uttered, "is only the beginning."

The mithril dagger surged toward the elf savagely, aimed for his throat. The pale blue aura it eminated felt frigid, like the chill of death...

[Salem]

-With his surrounding go in and out Salem was losing focus bit by bit. Salem had taken a beating. Yet, in his stubborn passion of refusing to just lie down and die for anyone that walked the planet. He noticed his opponent coming closer and pull a blade. Slalt pressed a hand on Salem’s chest. Salem would try to step back and and put his hands out just as Slalt went to stab him Salem went to grasp his opponent by his wrist. Being to late he tried to push away his opponent just as the blade tip went into his chest.

Followed by the rest of the blade Salem begun finally cold. His last words as he slowly begun to sink to his knees one foot at a time was “I will kill you that is a promise… Old Man!”. Salem tried to yell or scream the last part having little strength left and that too going rapidly. So it sounded more like a mumbling angry child, than a grow man.

Having the blade pushed in his chest was like sitting a ice bucket. Everything was going cold or at least it felt that way like getting stabbed with a ice pick and having the ice just melt into his skin if that was possible. Salem eyes remained open still shining bright eye as he completely flopped to the ground. Salem had died with a never ceasing angry at his failure to gain victory.

[Philomel]

Thread Title: Go Along To Get Along (Open) (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?29340-Go-Along-To-Get-Along-%28Open%29
)
Judgment Type: Full Rubric
Participants: Salem vs Tobias Stalt



Plot: 17 --- 18

Story- 5/10---5/10

Both: In terms of story this entire piece was lacking from both of you. There was a really good sense of setting, space and emotion at the beginning, and the battle itself was intense and bold, but what was not so much felt was a reason as to why either one of your characters was there. There was a good woven line of narrative, with an obvious beginning and end, but little else other than a battle. What really can make a battle strong often is to add in an extra layer of story. I would encourage both of you to think about this. Salem you did mention in post 1 that your character felt “on top of the world” and Tobias you try to bring in the sense of familiarity that your character feels with the Citadel but beyond this there is little backstory to both from this (please see Character for more comment). There was great potential here that both of you missed out on.

Setting- 6/10---6/10

Salem: In terms of choosing an interesting setting, you did well. A beach is not often used and you described it full and complete in your opening post, inviting the reader to properly imagine it. The sands and sea is an interesting idea, to confine your battle to one area, so this is a strength here. What would have been good, though, is for you to perhaps use the setting a little more - to use the grass and rocks maybe as your character fights amongst them. You have water surrounding you - don’t be afraid to use it!

Tobias Stalt: You open similarly strongly with a sense of placing your character in the setting. With good use of adjectives you invite the reader to smell the air and incorporate different senses into your writing. You do pick up the setting from here, remarking on it when Tobias gets rid of his cloak but all in all your writing could have done with a little more of interaction with the setting - for instance you mention Salem’s yellow eyes a lot. Perhaps comparing these to the sun, or using a rock to get above your opponent etc. You overall did well, but I would encourage you to think of more ways to properly use it for your benefit.


Pacing- 6/10---7/10

Both: The pacing in this was very fluid and neither too fast nor too slow. It was consistent all the way through. This can be a good thing, but also a negative thing. It is a good thing as you have a steady beat to the reading, but also a bad thing as a rise in tempo is often good to help build tension. Encouragement here to both of you to think about this a little more.

Salem: The major thing that jars against your pacing is your Clarity. From post 3 onwards you use a many varieties of tenses that make the piece altogether confusing and odd - and by this disrupts reading pace. This is expanded upon more in Action and Clarity, but I would encourage you to look at your precise actions and think about how many you put in. For instance, in post 3 you give a long list of “Salem wills” that are both confusing to your opponent and disrupt the overall flow of the reading, especially when they are in a large paragraph. Try to break these up a little, use less actions and try to simplify. This will really help to slow parts down and keep things at a moderate tempo.

Tobias Stalt: Your pacing is more or less simple and easy to follow. You keep a steady tone and a good voice. Take note of the commentary in “Both” of this section and try to experiment a little more with rise and fall and you should easily be able to improve here. Overall though, you add emphasis where it was needed.



Character: 20 --- 24

Communication- 7/10---8/10

Salem: In terms of Communication, what you had your character say was brief but in context and to the point. Brief worked for this piece as it was about the fight, mainly, and it kept in character throughout. You identify the sections where Salem speaks with colour, and this is different, and so very noticeable - though I would encourage you to use less bright colours as the vivid yellow can be glaring. There is a sense of sarcasm in Salem’s tone and in his voiced laugh in post 9. This is one of your strongest sections: overall you could improve by perhaps using more dialogue but you are good in this respect. I would also encourage you to try to expand on putting some deeper personality into the communication you use, to try to use it as a method of bringing across character.

Tobias Stalt: Similar to Salem your dialogue that you use for Tobias is very fitting with the story, and responded well to Salem. What can be felt from your Communication is a good strong tone as well as a sense of personality of Tobias. For instance you keep a constant idea of Tobias teaching Salem, and make this clear through his use of words and language, namely in posts 6 and 10. More or less you answer all questions and keep things clear, so much kudos here.

Action-6/10---8/10

Salem: In terms of Action what you right is consistent in terms of tone and attitude, keeping in light of your determined personality that you build. However, the Actions themselves being confusion (please see Clarity) especially with your changing of tense (see Pacing) in post 3. What Action you do use is fitting with your character scope, and sends across the idea of a tough brawler-like being, though little of the alchemy side is really portrayed much. What would be good to also see is more smaller Actions unique to your character, ones that define him, such as small habits etc. You have a good way of showing a base personality but you could explore deeper.

Tobias Stalt: Your use of Action is definitely strong and robust. Through this form you not only show the fighting spirit of Tobias and give a clue to how he deals with conflict, but also a sense of his personality. Strong points in particular are ones that show his determination such as in post 6 with, “he went so far as to melt his own flesh to keep himself standing,” which demonstrates a willingness to keep going, despite the pain. Minor details also, such as cracking of knuckles help to keep up a good image of what you want to portray. Overall you do brilliantly in this section because of your consistency and fluidity of movement and tone.

Persona- 7/10---8/10

Salem: There is a definite sense of Persona that develops in this piece. From Salem watching Tobias’ sword strikes in post 5 to his final death in post 11 this is definitely your strongest section in Character. What you do, through your writing, is show a consistent admirable character that has thoughts and emotions like any other. In this sense you show that you have a good hold of who your character is and what they think of the world. One weakness, however, is that overall there could be more personal thought, personal reaction etc to the world around Salem, such as that you begin to explore in post 5’s beginning. I would encourage you to keep on developing this point.

Tobias Stalt: Your particular strength in Persona lies in showing the reader what Tobias is thinking, what his personal thoughts are concerning the battle going on around him. His sense of belief in self and strength of purpose can be seen in sections such as his direct thoughts with, “Familiar heat,” in post 10. What this does is show a part of Tobias’ inner charm, and it would be a good way to develop from here to explore more of what he directly thinks - however in general you have a good hold of this section.



Prose: 15 --- 22

Mechanics- 4/10---8/10

Salem: Overall your spelling and sentence structure was fine, though there were a few mistakes here and there. What you had problems with a little, however, was punctuation. A few times you have run-on sentences which need a lot of commas. This can be seen in your first post where you have the long phrase: “Salem jumped from the top of the massive drop grabbing a fluttering long thick banner” whereas for good visual sake and ease of reading it should be, “Salem jumped from the top of the massive drop, grabbing a fluttering, long. thick banner,” with particular note of the list of adjectives. A small note as well - remember to keep check on your tenses. In post 9 you slip to present tense with, “The black onyx ring glows” instead of “glowed.” All this needs is a quick editing eye before you submit for judgement, and this will help your spelling also. Simple things also such as “a island” in post 1 that should be “an island” really bring your score down.

Tobias Stalt: There was nothing obvious in way of spelling or mechanics here. Paragraphing was laid out nicely, without anything to confuse the reader. This is one of the cleanest Mechanics I have seen in a while, and usually I am pretty fussy. Congratulations!

Clarity- 5/10---7/10

Salem: As mentioned in Pacing and Action your Clarity is somewhat marred when you give a full list of actions and do not explain them as clearly as you could do. Ways to get through this are to simplify your actions and/or lay them out in easier paragraphs to reader. You use one lines for your conclusion sentences in some posts (which, by all accounts are excellent and striking) and so you could adapt this form to also place some of the more defining actions in a clearer fashion. Overall Clarity is present when showing the thoughts of your character but development does need to be done here. Try reading your pieces aloud to yourself and see if you can follow it too.

Tobias Stalt: Clarity is more or less a strength of yours. You pick up on the actions of your counterpart and act through them in a precise and well-ordered manner. There is a definite divide between speech and action for you which helps the reader to process things. You want a smooth linear and easy read, which you do display most of the time. Only a couple of times did this judge have to go back and re-read some of your sections, but this can easily be adapted and developed with a few more descriptive words thrown in.

Technique- 6/10---7/10

Salem: Technique here was good as a base line. You did use some really great adjectives that help bring the setting to life at the start in post 1 and in post 11 there was some great description in post 11. What would have been good is to ease back a little on the more conversational parts of your tone that you use, such phrases as, “This as odd as it may sound…” (post 1).These parts, although perhaps strong on their own are confusing in terms of tense changes (past to present) and distract from the overall serious conflict that is occurring. This judge would encourage you to explore other ways of expressing yourself uniquely in this piece - still using colloquialisms perhaps but keeping in tone and in tense.

Tobias Stalt: You have a really good hold of description and unusual words at times that this judge even had to use a dictionary for. Your opening line in post 2 is very strong, and really grips the reader and makes them want to read more. There are phrases that are poetical and enchanting, and you carry throughout the entire piece a good consistency here. In general you have a really good grasp of a style and from here you can begin to explore such things as metaphor and simile to really make your writing shine.



Wildcard: 6 --- 6

Wildcard points here … go to the development of writing style. This is a really hard thing to create, but I feel that both of you really shine in this point and show us as the reader two very different ways of writing, each with their own equal merits that can go in various ways and have potential to grow.



Final Score: 58---70

Tobias Stalt (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17202-Tobias-Stalt) Wins!:


2013 EXP!
70 GP!

Congratulations!


Salem (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17567-Salem) Receives:


350 EXP!
35 GP!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!