Death in the night

[Tera]

(ooc: this is closed for me and Ira, part of the seige)

A slender form moved under rich scarlet silken sheets, a loving moan accompanied them sliding down her naked form as she stretched. She moved her red hair from her eyes as she looked around the clothes strewn room, a smile caressed her lips as she stood and walked to the window. She squinted a little as the full moon shown on her cream white skin, t’was a beautiful night out; the stars were shining and the moon so full.

She basked in the glow of the night for a moment before walking back to the bed where she pulled back the sheets, showing a young girl who lay in an awkward position. Her eyes open and her skin white.

Tera smiled at her before searching around the room for her clothes. It took her a few moments as she got dressed and picked up the young girl’s clothes and tossed them into the closet.

The vampress walked back over to the body of the young girl and looked at it for another moment before picking it up like a sack of potatoes over her shoulder. The body was already cold, and even the stiffening of rigor mortis had begun to set in. She walked to her balcony and looked around for prying eyes before throwing the cold corpse down the street into a large dumpster.

She sighed and smiled, looking at the starry sky again.

~ ~ ~

She sighed as she slid into a comfortable chair at the Café Raven. It had become one of her favorite places in the city of Radasanth. She leaned forward onto her elbows as she sat at the little table near the window. Her violet eyes watched the people around her as she thought about what she wanted tonight. She had spotted a young man looking rather lonely sitting in the corner and was just about ready to walk over to him when a suited man sat at the table next to her’s.

“Miss Night time lover, of the banishment I presume” he said with a deep voice, rife with business.

“Don’t you know the banishment has disappeared?” she said with a bit of anger on her tongue.

“None the less, it was hard to track you down before, let alone now. I have a rather unique job for you if you would like to take it.” He said as he kept his hat tilted to her so that she could not see his eyes.

“I’m listening stranger,” she replied as her curiosity got the better of her. She had remembered what the business terms for these messengers were.

“The Client would like the occupancy of a certian castle to decrease dramatically over the course of a specified night, with a list of certain names that they would like to be seen in obituaries of the morning paper. The standard rate will be….”

“My price has gone up.” she interrupted.


“Paid on completion at the standard point.” He finished and stood, his face ever hidden,” take it or leave it miss night time lover…”

He walked past her table and set a folded paper rose on it as he walked for the door.

She grunted in disapproval, it was a legitimate business deal; he had used her old code name and placed the special assignment parchment in front of her. Once again her curiosity had gotten to her as she sat, her prey had gone and the mood with it.

She unfolded the paper rose and read.

~ ~ ~

She traveled at night down deserted roads and places that mortals rarely ventured, wore burlap and dark cloaks to blend in when she reached towns or had run ins with mortals. She slept in the ground or old cemetery tombs during the day to keep her passage hidden from her new enemies.

She was two nights early when she arrived at Irrakam. Luckily she made her way through the city with ease, the bustle of soldiers and warriors of foreign nationality hid her entrance.

For a few hours she stood in front of the keep she was to infiltrate, pondering the how.

She knew there were sewers, but they were no doubt guarded after an incident in Corone, there were wagons of supplies going back and forth, but the guards were thoroughly checking each one. The idea of posing as help was shot down, she knew that each one would be under close scrutiny and ever watchful eyes.

With each idea that she had to put down she became sourer towards the idea and just as she was ready to forfeit the job she heard a most promising conversation from a group of priestesses from the keep.

“Yeah, there is another priestess coming from Corone,” one with blonde hair said to the other two.

“Really? Does anyone know what she looks like?” a brunette asked.

“No, and she’s supposed to arrive in three days” said the third.

Tera smiled to herself as she listened. A disguise would be easy enough to come by as she knew from prior experiences in Fallien as to just where an old Fixer friend worked.

“There’s going to be an early arrival at the keep.” She said to herself as she quickly disappeared into the alleyways.


~ ~ ~

She moved quietly through the streets, the costume she wore was not exactly the most agile of clothes and the makeup she wore to make herself look “alive” made her glad that she didn’t sweat.

As she approached the gates she slowed up, putting on an act of having walked many miles as well as mimicking what she had observed as habits that the priestesses had. Her contact in the city had given her a map of the keep as well as the right answers for the guards as well as a decent forgery of the papers she would need to get access.

She gave the guard that stepped forward to question her a shy, yet flirty look while giving the general courtesies. He smiled back at her as he quickly glanced over the paperwork, his eyes constantly glancing up at her.

She giggled as innocently as possible while trying to act the part of a modest girl that was boy crazy when he gave the papers back to her.

She bowed with another giggle and quickly moved inside, sending the guard another flirty smile when she was nearly to the entrance door.

Opening them quietly she stepped inside and looked around, smiling when she couldn’t find a soul in site.

“Well now comes the hard part.” She said under her breath as she began to walk towards the living quarters.

[Iriah Caitrak]

She was finally in The Keep. No more running through the desert as if a thousand lives depended on her arrival. And now that the preliminary talks were over and she’d been informed of the situation and had informed Jya of what was going on with the Calerians and hopefully the Oasis tribes she could relax and finally get some sleep. After all, she needed to keep up her strength for when the real battles started; she’d be no good to anyone exhausted.

Even though they were going to war sometime in the next day or two, the activity in The Keep seemed minimal. There were more guards posted at doorways and patrolling the rooftop. She’d even heard that they’d posted a few in the tunnels to stop anyone from entering there. They’d called in a lot of the reserve militia throughout the city and even bulked up a lot of security within the city itself. But it didn’t seem like they were massing their army for a huge assault on the city. The problem was the Cult of Mitra had operatives and strongholds within Irrakam, which made it twice as hard to protect a city when the enemy has already infiltrated from within.

Then there were the innocent civilians. She had no idea what they were going to do with them. The Cult was going to attack from anywhere and everywhere, though they would mostly focus on The Keep since they wanted Jya dead above all else. So they couldn’t keep the civilians in The Keep and sending them out into the desert didn’t sound like a great idea either.

These were the things that were going to stop her from getting any kind of sleep. Jya did not seem overly concerned with the matter so she shouldn’t either and it was not that she didn’t trust Jya, it was just…she was at such a loss in this situation. Not to mention she was worried about Revor and Messia. They should have already been to Suravani’s Oasis by now and attempted to rally more warriors from those tribes, but whether or not they were going to be successful was a completely different story.

Had she done the right thing leaving the two of them in charge of the entire military force? Neither of them had any experience in that, then again, neither did she. But they’d both lead large parties of Calerians into Purgatory and were fabulous warriors. Messia was quite bright too; she could help Revor out with any kind of strategies while he was just the better warrior.

Nearly walking into a wall so lost in her thoughts, Ira shook her head and turned bright red realizing two of the guards were smiling at her while looking a little worried at the same time. Ducking into the hallway rather quickly, Ira made her way down to the living quarters. Opening the door to her assigned quarters, Ira sighed with pleasure as she looked at her overstuffed four-posted bed. Stripping out of her dirty clothes, Ira rummaged through the drawers and finally pulled out fresh undergarments and slipped into them. Flopping down on the bed, Ira was immediately absorbed into the overstuffed mattress. Wriggling under the covers, she curled up into a little ball and waited for sleep to finally overcome her.

[Tera]

Tera moved through the keep, slowing only to walk by guards that seemed to barely notice her other than taking short wolfish looks at her and continuing with whatever conversations they were having. She glanced around quickly before moving towards a window and looking outside. She watched the patrols outside, glad that they were being typical in that they didn’t look at the keep from time to time.

She poked her head out the window and saw the balcony that lead to the room of her first target on the list. It was a good fifteen foot jump, but her abilities easily allowed her to jump the gap. Her boots landed a little louder than she had hoped as she paused and listened, a devil’s grin crept across her face when she heard only snoring.

She slid silently into the room and to her target’s bed, where a slightly balding commander of the guard snored. Her hand moved slowly till it was just over his throat, and with a movement similar to a python her hand closed on his throat, crushing not only his only chance for a scream, but also his spine with a muffled crackle.

“Well that’s one off the list” she said as she stepped back and slowly slid out of her disguise. She shook a little to settle her clothes before zipping up her jacket and adjusting her pants.

She moved towards the balcony but stopped when a glimmer of moonlight caught her attention. In the corner near a pile of clothes was a steel hand and half sword with a black leather scabbard.

“Weapons procured on sight. ah the joys of killing, “she said as she grabbed it with a smile and continued on to jumping to the next balcony down the line.

Without the bulk of the costume she landed quieter than the first time but listened once again out of caution. Silence greeted her as she moved through an open window. She paused for a moment as her senses caught an odd wind.

She noticed a pile of sand soiled clothes on the floor as she moved towards the four poster bed that seemed nearly submerged in its own softness. Her brow perked as she grew closer; on the bed before her was something she had thought was probably a fairytale or legend, a Calerian.

Once again a devious grin formed on her face. She had heard a rumor that drinking the blood of a Calerian could give her kind some kind of power, though the rumor was unspecific as to what kind of powers, that didn’t bother Tera.

Any power was good power in her mind.

The vampress carefully crawled onto the bed, her eyes locked on the tanned neck before her as she tongued her fangs in anticipation.

[Iriah Caitrak]

Sleep was blissful, what few hours Ira was able to procure of it. There was no worry of a war found anywhere in her dreams, but that blissful nothingness of the dream land where everyone went to when they were too exhausted to have their subconscious send them coded messages. The only problem was Ira was a light sleeper, always had been. So when she was awoken from her blissful slumber she shrugged it off at first and tried to go back to sleep. The problem was her mind was immediately awake and trying to alert her to something that was seriously wrong.

She didn’t pay attention to it at first, thinking it was some kind of anxiety towards what was coming up next but then she heard the softest sounds of a foot stepping on the floor. Reaching out with her senses, she felt the presence of another soul in the room with her. Keeping herself extremely still and calm, the Calerian made no move when she felt the bed sag with another body sliding onto it. Waiting as the dip in the bed got closer and closer to her, Ira finally opened her eyes rolled over looking at the stranger in her bed.

It was dark but her eyes were adjusted. Still, it took her a moment to realize what she was looking at and what she was looking at was a strange female in her bed with some very sharp teeth eyeing up her neck as if it would make a nice chew toy.

The woman, realizing that she was awake, reached out for her, but Ira quickly attempted to roll out of the bed, getting her legs all tangled up in the sheets she hit the floor with a loud thump. Kicking the sheets away from her, the Calerian scrambled up into a standing position ignoring the fact that she was half naked. With her heart thundering loudly in her chest, Ira backed away from the stranger in her bed. She wanted to believe she was in some kind of weird dream but she was pretty sure she wasn’t sleeping because she’d hit the floor rather hard and her leg was throbbing because of it and she couldn’t remember ever feeling pain in a dream before.

The woman in her bed had the sense of a human…only different. It was as if her soul was once human but had in some way, shape or form been altered rather violently into something else, something less human.

“Who are you, what are you and why are you in my bed let alone my bedroom?”

The questions sounded rather stupid even to her ears but what was she supposed to do sit down on the edge of the bed and have girl talk with her? That didn’t sound like a very good idea to her. Not to mention she really wasn’t in the mood for girl talk right now.

[Tera]

Ever closer she crept, slowly on her hands and knees, the smell of her pray tingling the tip of her tongue. Shock stalled her for a moment as the Calerian suddenly opened her eyes and stared at her.

A venomous hiss came from Tera as her prey rolled from her clutches. She stayed still as she watched the Calerian fumble and finally stand before her. The vampress let out a rich laugh as she slid across the bed and stood before her prey. There was no need for stealth now as she eyed the girl’s scantily clad form, finding it rather pleasing to the eyes. She tilted her head a little to the side as she listened to the questions thrown at her.

“You know love, most people are either paralyzed with fear or go for a weapon when something like this happens,” Tera said as she began circling the Calerian, her eyes looking over ever inch of her tanned skin, “but as to the answers you seek,” she crept closer around the side of the girl, her eyes staring over the tops of her glasses, “all you need to know is that I’m the last thing your mortal eyes are going to see.”

She continued to look over the exquisitely built Calerian, wishing that conditions had been different. Tera glanced every once in a while to see where her prey had left her weapons, remembering that she had a job to do.

Tera moved her hands and the sword she had taken behind her, griping the handle in one hand as she continued to move.

Her smile grew wider as the blade slid from the sheath, which she let fall to the floor.

With a slight lunge she jolted towards her prey, the blade making a wide arc towards her neck.

[Iriah Caitrak]

The woman was practically undressing her with her eyes, which Ira knew did not take much imagination considering she wasn’t wearing much at the moment. Still, it was not a comfortable situation, every time the strange female swept her gaze over her skin Ira could feel groping hands touching her and it sent chills down her body.

Watching the siahd very carefully, Ira looked to her pile of clothes on the bedroom floor, quickly tallying everything that was there but not seeing what she was looking for. Remembering that she’d left it on the table by the bed, Ira glanced away for only a second to see her arm guards placed exactly where she remembered them to be. But the only problem was, the now sword wielding siahd was between her and her armguards. This was definitely not the best situation to be in and this Calerian really preferred not going hand-to-hand in combat against a woman carrying a rather long sword.

As the woman lunged towards her, Ira jumped off to the side then quickly dashed for the nightstand. She grabbed both her armguards and without looking behind her rolled over the bed and stood on her feet on the other side.

“Most people should back out of a fight when they realize how severely outmatched they are, but they never do.”

Ira smirked. The comment in the current situation seemed to be directed at her backing out of this situation, but the siahd really had no idea what kind of trouble she’d just gotten into. Fastening the left armguard quickly, Ira ignored the other one. She didn’t need it for this situation. Taking a deep breath, Ira called forth her armour. No flash emanated from her body, nothing as dramatic as that. But one moment all she was wearing was her underwear and now on her body was a beautiful set of form fitting, white armour. It covered her chest and torso and her entire left arm right down to her fingertips. Her legs were now clad in shin guards as well, all of them shimmering with the same majestic white armour.

With her armour now in place, Ira formed her Half Swallows but made no move to attack the woman before her. If she was lucky, her display would scare the woman off from trying to kill her again, if not she was about to have a battle on her hands.

[Tera]

The vampire watched her prey dodge and roll over the bed, an eyebrow rose as she watched the rather unspectacular emergence of armor that only helped to accent the curves of her prey. She gave a short chuckle when the Calerian somehow formed a pair of blades from the air and retorted verbally.

“Hmm, so the kitty has claws.” Tera said as she slowly approached the bed, the sword hanging loosely by her side, “and just to let you know love, there has been only one mortal that I have personally ever heard of that could even come close to matching the powers of the undead, and Dann Lagh'ratham, you are most definitely not.”

Tera smiled slyly and lifted the blade, pointing the tip at the Calerian’s neck, “So I would say the same to you love, cause there is no way in hell you’re going to leave this room alive.”

Tera could hear the blood pumping through her prey, and it made her eyes continue to admire the physique of the Calerian, trim and slightly muscled, a good combination. Had their meeting been under far different circumstances, the vampress may have offered the girl a world beyond mortality, beyond fear, beyond the boundaries of time.

But that wasn’t going to happen as she twitched her arm, cutting one of the bedposts with her sword.

As the canopy fell she kicked sharply at the corner of the bed, causing it to slide the bed towards her prey, and with a quick lunge she stepped on the mattress and leapt over the falling canopy to land behind the Calerian with a quick slash at her back.

[Iriah Caitrak]

Ira had no idea who Dann Lagh’ratham was but it was a name she ignored. She was in the middle of a life and death battle with some crazy chick who snuck into her bedroom and tried to bite her neck. Whatever the crazy lady said to her, Ira had to take it in stride because she clearly had some sort of mental problems. When she pointed her sword at her and continue her verbal tirade Ira only smirked and shifted the weight of her body onto her other leg.

“Who said I have to leave this room in the realm of the living?”

It was the only thing she could get out as the siahd cut through the wooden frame holding the canopy of the bed up. The material and part of the frame itself began to flutter down to the mattress below, following the sound of splintering wood, which echoed throughout the room. It was a distraction though and her eyes only watched it for a moment, instead she quickly focused her gaze on the crazed female woman bent on her death.

She was nimble and fast, Ira had to give credit to her on that one, but she was an experienced warrior and such a simple trick was not going to distract her. As the woman jumped off the bed frame and attempted to land behind her, Ira quickly spun around her weapons at the ready. The steel of her sword impacted against the blade of one of her Half Swallows. Strength vied against strength as the two of them held their stance, then Ira pushed herself forward and backed the woman up against the wall.

“Keep in mind the fact that this kitten has two claws.”

Ira grinned as she brought up her second Half Swallows and levelled it against the woman’s neck. She could have used it earlier to stab the woman straight through the heart, or even attempt to slice her throat open. But Ira was a Calerian warrior, they released souls from places of torment and they never killed the living body holding the soul. In all of her years she’d never killed another living human before and she didn’t plan on starting now, even if this one did not appear to be completely human. It mattered not that she was trying to kill her either, she’d infiltrated this Keep before and saved The Jya with the help of three others without killing a single person herself.

Releasing the battle of strengths that had been going on between her Half Swallow and the woman’s sword, Ira backed away slightly, keeping her arm extended and the blade of her Half Swallow still within striking range of the woman’s neck.

“Just leave, turn around and walk out of here. This is a battle that need not be fought…”

[Tera]

The Calerian’s reactions were better than she had expected of a mortal. Her mouth hung open slightly in a serious wonder at her prey. The two were locked for only a moment when the girl took advantage of tera’s overextension, pinning her to the wall and holding her there, she was expecting a strike when her prey spoke and lifted her other blade against the vampress’s neck.

“Weak mortal morals…” Tera thought as the Calerian gave an ultimatum. Tera tilted her head to the side with a look of loss, dropping the sword and raising her hands as she pushed herself off the wall a half step.

“You’re right, I should walk out of here,” Tera said without looking the girl in the eyes.

She took another step towards the girl, as if to move around the table that was next to her. In less than the blink of an eye she moved, her hands shot forward as she made a long step and ducked while gripping with both hands the outstretched hand of the Calerian. With a little strength and a bit of a twist she spun the girl, brining the arm up behind her into an arm lock, and with a little bit more force she brought it higher, hoping for the sound of a break yet only a mild pop of a dislocated shoulder.

Tera smiled as she held the girl.

“You’re very right; I should walk out of here, covered and filled with the blood of ever person in this keep.”

Tera licked her fangs again as she leaned forward, ready to drink of the girl’s sweet life.

[Iriah Caitrak]

((Watch your spelling mistakes and as a slight suggestion, internal thoughts are best italicized, that way you don’t need to add the ‘Tera thought’ in and it’s easier on the reader. However, no everyone does that with internal thought.))

The siahd was playing with her. She wasn’t stupid, sometimes naïve about the world beyond Fallien but not stupid and when the woman gave up so easily and dropped her sword, Ira had to raise a brow and follow her movements more closely. It was too fake, to go from something so cold one second and then into a person who was willing to drop it all at her behest and only because there was a blade to her neck, Ira did not buy it. Her face said it all too and the woman was not looking at her, another indication that she was just playing some twisted little game.

There was nothing that could prepare her for what the woman did next though, she was way too fast. One second Ira was following the woman’s every step and keeping her blade as close to flesh as possible and the next the woman wasn’t even there and her hands were wrapped around her wrist. As she twisted her quickly around and brought her arm up behind her, Ira struggled against the hold but got nowhere and when her arm was forced up even more she couldn’t stop the small cry that issued forth from her lips as her shoulder was dislocated.

Her weapon slipped from the now limp grip of her hand and fell to the floor with a metallic tang before disappearing.

Seeing the crazed woman coming in for another go at her neck made Ira react instinctively. She ducked, her arm now limp and lifeless twisted in ways not normally possible unless dislocated. Then she spun around quickly, extending her leg and impacting on the woman’s ankle. The siahd stumbled back, not really falling but she did exactly what Ira had wanted her to, she let go of her arm. It was useless to her now, resting against her side, but at least she was no longer within the woman’s grip and she still had one good arm she could fight with.

The time for chitchat and smart remarks from the two of them was over. Ira wanted this woman out of her room and locked up in The Keep’s dungeons now and she was the one who was going to put her there.

With the woman off balance from her attack, Ira lunged at her, one Half Swallow still in her hand, the beautifully carved name of Uriahd along the weapon’s shaft. The fact that she was not a killer reflected in the attacks that she chose, debilitating but not life threatening areas. Ira went for the shoulder, in the areas just under the collar bone, an area filled with tendons that could be severed and muscles that could be damaged to prevent movement on that particular arm. And it was a little more permanent than a dislocated shoulder.

[Tera]

Tera hissed as she was knocked backwards, her hands flailing to try and catch her balance. She looked back at the Calerian in time to see the blade inches from her chest. The vampress caught her balance just in time for the blade to sink deep into her shoulder, the feeling of metal carving through flesh running through her senses.

Tera cursed in a language long forgotten by time as she tried to move her left arm, but it failed to react to much more that a tremble. There was pain, but that was something Tera had grown used too over the ages as she reached up with her working hand and gripped the girl’s hand, driving the blade deeper.

She smiled as her body reached the handle, her hand locking the Calerian within reach as the vampress twisted her body. Her shoulder rammed into the chest of the girl as she reached with her neck, biting down onto the muscles at the base of the neck.

Blood flowed into her mouth as she bit deeply, the metallic taste seasoned with adrenalin, making it burn down her throat. Tera’s eyes grew wide and dilated as the blood flowed into her mouth. Images and sounds flooded her mind almost instantly.

Her body felt heavy, sending her into a near state of shock as her body reacted in unusual ways. She could feel herself slipping from the world little by little as her grip began to loosen on the girl.

what is this…

Colors changed and time slowed, her mind fell into a state of chaos as it continued to be flooded with feelings and images.

[Iriah Caitrak]

Surprise and shock registered on Ira’s face a she watched her blade pass through the woman’s flesh with little resistance and little reaction. She wasn’t used to attacking living creatures and seeing the blood pooling and flowing from the wound brought a sickness to the core of her stomach making bile rise into her throat, bile that burned all the way back down when she swallowed it. The disgusting taste still lingering in her mouth afterwards.

What was even worse was the sick smile that crossed over the siahd’s face as she grabbed the shaft of her Half Swallow and began pushing the weapon further into her own body. The blade and shaft sticking out the other side of her shoulder slick and covered in the ruby red liquid that was the woman’s blood. Ira was stupefied and frozen where her feet were planted. Her mind wanted her to react, to do anything, let go of her weapon and move away but her body wouldn’t move no matter how much her mind screamed at it. But as the siahd twisted her body around and slammed her shoulder into Ira, she stumbled back, releasing her weapon only to have the woman grab her and bite down at the base of her neck.

The pain was a jolt to her mind, knocking her out of her stupefied state.

Even as Ira felt the blood flowing from her body she pushed against the woman trying to get her off her seemingly without any effects. Yet without warning, the siahd’s grip on her loosened and Ira shoved against her with all the strength in her one arm sending the woman stumbling back. Ira backed away from her, tripping over her own feet and landing flat on her back. Her hand shot up to cover the wound on her neck as she continued to feel the blood seep between her fingers.

Frantically she looked about the room but she didn’t know what to do. Something was happening to the woman and she didn’t know what and on top of that her weapon was still sticking out of her shoulder. But should she really care what happens to her considering she snuck in here to kill her and had nearly accomplished just that?

Scrambling to her feet, Ira moved towards the door. She didn’t know what argument eventually won over in her mind but she couldn’t kill the woman, she needed help herself for fear of eventually passing out from blood loss and the woman was probably best left to The Keep’s guards. They would know what to do with her and perhaps could get some information out of her for why she was here. People did not randomly sneak into The Keep to kill those within and it would take someone skilled to get in here. Not to mention with war on the horizon, the timing of this assassin did not leave much to the imagination.

[Tera]

Her body trembled as she felt the flow of blood down her throat stop. She closed her eyes and let the flow of thoughts in her mind slow to a gently stream. Not the best, but still manageable.

She opened her eyes and stared for a moment, everything around her let off a strange glow that she had never seen before. Her head shook in disbelief as she looked about the room before her natural instincts took hold and focused her on the Calerian scrambling for the door. It was then that Tera realized that she had fallen onto the floor, the curving blade still lodged in her shoulder.

With a growl her working hand gripped the handle of the blade and pulled, ripping it out with a slight eruption of blood from the wound.

“Don’t run, it will only piss me off more!” Tera said with more of a growl than actual words as she stood the dripping blade in hand.

Her arm was still useless, but already the blood had stopped flowing, the wound growing smaller. With a quick lurch in her movements, she reared back and threw the half swallow at the door in front of the girl causing the blade to run deep into it before it dissipated like the last one.

“Why don’t you just give up now and I promise I’ll make it quick.” Tera said as she began to walk towards her, “otherwise, I’m going to make it long and very painful.”

[Iriah Caitrak]

When the growling voice from behind her—which sounded nothing like the words from the female before—arose Ira actually did pause in her movements. It lasted for a moment before her hand reached for the handle only to have her own weapon slam and splinter into the wooden frame of the door inches from her fingertips. She jumped back in surprise as she watched her weapon disappear. Her mind screaming with impossibilities as she turned around to the siahd behind her who was standing and moving towards her, looking none too happy.

It’s not possible…

That’s what her mind was saying, over and over again as she watched the wound in the woman’s shoulder began to close over, the bleeding having already stopped. That couldn’t be happening, humans did not heal that fast, then again hadn’t she first sensed the woman’s soul as some kind of manipulated human soul? Even so, that shouldn’t be happening! She didn’t care what the woman was, no living creature should be able to heal that fast.

Fear was beginning to take root deep within her heart, strangling the organ which was beginning to beat more and more frantically within the confines of her chest, threatening to break through the bone keeping it safe and protected. Blood was pumping through her veins faster and rushing through her ears threatening to drown out all other noise. And the wound in her neck was beginning to bleed a little more profusely. She didn’t have healing abilities and the white undergarments she was wearing under her armour were now beginning to stick to her skin.

“What the hell are you…?” Her voice a tiny whisper, unable to hide the fear that was growing within her.

Backing away from the siahd, Ira’s back hit the door within a few inches, her soft body yielding against the hard wood.

Do something, don’t just stand there frozen with fear, do something!

But what could she do? That attack should have been debilitating, but it was healing before her very eyes!

Her body inched along the door as the woman got closer to her with no rush, as if she had all the time in the world. Her hip smacked into the handle for the door and not bothering to second-guess herself, Ira quickly reached down, swung the door open and ran out into the corridor beyond. If only she could get away from the woman and get to the guards, the thought of screaming and alerting them to what was happening never even entering her mind.

[Tera]

The Calerian made it into the hallway a few moments before Tera reached the door. She sneered as she was forced to lean against the door jam from a sudden spell of dizziness and burst of power that almost made her want to heave. The room spun and her head pounded as more images flooded her mind for a moment.

Tera growled as she watched the girl scramble down the hallway, no doubt she would alert the guards. The vampress was beginning to gain some movement back into her arm, not enough to amount for anything, but she made a weak fist out of anger.

She could run and hide, wait for the Calerian to return, for the guards to stop searching. But that could take hours and being a vampire she didn’t want to be caught during the day, weak and helpless as they drug her out into the burning light of day.

She saw the girl stumble and fall, which was going to be her only real chance of stopping her. The vampress rushed forward pouncing on the Calerian from above, fangs bared and her fingers curled like claws

[Iriah Caitrak]

Her heart felt like it was ready to burst forth from the confinements of her chest. Her throat was dry and sore from her short, shallow breaths, her neck was throbbing and she couldn’t remember the damn hallway being this damn long. Blood was thundering through her ears and her hands were shaking with the sheer terror she was going through and the adrenaline that was constantly being pumped through her veins. Her feet were clumsy and her legs felt like pudding, the stuff she always liked for desert, only right now she didn’t like it so much.

She tripped over her own feet, sending herself careening towards the hard, stone floor. Her one good hand took the brunt of the fall, sending a small shock into the bones at her wrist. But because she could only stop herself with one hand it threw her slightly off balance and she landed on her side. Hearing the sound of footsteps behind her, Ira turned and looked behind her in time to see the crazed woman who was desperately trying to kill her pounce.

Why me? Go try to kill someone else; what did I ever do to you!?

Stupid, meaningless words that floated through her mind. It didn’t matter whether or not she’d ever done anything to this woman, she was here to kill her and perhaps others within The Keep and nothing was going to stop her from doing that unless she was dead, unconscious or in chains. Ira preferred the last two, killing someone was a thing she could never bring herself to do, which was rather humorous considering she was going to war.

Years of training and experience kicked in, overriding the fear without her even knowing about it. She turned onto her back and caught the female with her one good hand wrapping it around her upper arm as the claws from her other hand hit armour and bounced away. Bringing her knee up, Ira thrust it into the stomach of the woman and with that force flipped the creature over her head. Using a combination of stomach and shoulder muscles she quickly followed and the two of them flipped a few times before finally they landed with Ira on top, her thighs straddling the woman around the hips.

While the woman was still hopefully dazed from being thrown around like that, Ira made a quick move to hopefully end this fight. Rearing her hand back, she attempted to backhand the woman across the face with a hand completely covered in hard metal as strong as steel.

[Tera]

The Calerian had reacted better than Tera had hoped, the girl was terrified, yet some primal instinct had given her the skills to survive for another moment. The vampire had regained herself just in time to recognize the feeling of her jaw colliding with something heavy and metallic.

She could feel the muscles pulling as her jaw dislocated, the darkness of disorientation racked her mind as the hit to her jaw registered in her body, had she been standing she would have likely crumpled and fell unconscious. She lay still on the stone floor; she could feel her body reacting to fix itself as her jaw slowly popped back into place, the bruise disappearing almost as quickly as it appeared.

Yet even dead, attacks to such devastating pressure points still affected her system, the physical was a simple matter of damage and repair, but the spiritual was another matter.

She could feel the girl still straddling her as she lay still, even with her strength and speed; she was still in a position that laid her at the Calerian’s mercy.

Shit…

[Iriah Caitrak]

Ira sat, straddling the strange, crazed woman for what seemed like forever yet mere seconds. Her breathing was still coming out in short gasps and her heart was beating to the rhythm of the fearful and frightened. It took her a moment to realize the woman beneath her was not moving. Her eyes were closed too.

Finally she began to feel calm overcome her system.

Is she unconscious?

Her eyes never left the woman’s face, studying the features, looking for any sign that told her she was right or wrong. She’d done it, the battle was over, the woman was unconscious and she could go for help now. There was no mark from where her fist had collided with the woman’s jaw, nothing. No bruise, no cuts, not even a little redness and swelling. Then again, Ira had watched a severe gash in this woman’s shoulder heal up almost instantly. Perhaps whatever healing abilities she had could not keep her from being knocked out.

Reaching out with her hand, she felt along the side of the woman’s neck for a pulse and quickly began to panic for a completely different reason. She felt nothing. No steady beat drummed against her fingertips. Taking a deep breath, Ira tried again, moving her fingers around the woman's neck and even to the other side but still nothing. The realization that she somehow must have killed her entered Ira's mind only to be shot down by the fact that her soul was still within her body. Calm began to leak its way slowly through her veins once more, she stranger was alive, Ira was just unable to feel her pulse for whatever reason.

Slowly, Ira manoeuvred herself off the woman’s body, hissing as she jostled her arm, which sent pain shooting down from her dislocated shoulder. Once she was off her, she slowly stood to her feet, wobbling a bit as she felt a sudden wave of dizziness overcome her. She was still bleeding from that damn neck wound. Shaking her head a few times to clear it, Ira began to move down the hallway. She needed to find some of the guards and bring them back to arrest the woman and then she needed some medical help. Adrenaline and sheer will power were probably the only things keeping her standing at the moment and her adrenaline was going to start wearing off now that was fight was over.

[Tera]

What was this girl doing? Tera lay still as she felt the hand of the Calerian press into her neck a couple of times.

Checking for a pulse? What the hell?

Tera wondered what was going to come next, was the girl going to strike the final blow? The vampress was relieved when she felt the girl get off of her, and a smile tried to crest her lips as she heard the girl’s heavy footfalls walking away from her, she opened her eyes and watched for a mere moment before silently getting up from the floor. Her arm was back to normal as she crept up behind the girl.

“Leaving so soon?” she said as her fist slammed into the Calerian’s kidney causing her to crumple.

Tera brought her fist back and smiled, there was no reason to continue playing with her prey, it was time to end this.

The vampire put her true power into it, a punch so hard that it would destroy the Calerian’s face and kill her instantly. Yet the girl still had some fight, a simple sidestep and parry maneuvered the overextended punch out of the way. Tera was set off balance for a moment as she hissed at the girl.

“Why won’t you just die!” she screamed as she threw another punch.

[Iriah Caitrak]

Ira ducked out of the way as the next punch came in towards her face. Her side was screaming agony at her making every effort that shifted her torso throw her into a new realm of pain. The force of the punch from the woman had dented her armour inwards making it press against the exact spot she’d been hit. With a quick thought and exert of energy from her crystal the armour reformed itself in that area and the dent and pressure disappeared. The pain was alleviated if only momentarily, if only until she moved again she didn’t care.

Extending her leg, Ira kicked at the side of the female’s kneecap, causing her to fall to one knee.

“I think the real question is why wont you stop trying to kill me!”

Ira knew she couldn’t keep this up for much longer. Her head was spinning from the loss of blood and her heart was pumping it faster and faster through her veins. Pain was becoming unbearable and she barely had the strength left in her body to do anything but avoid the woman’s attacks and maybe a few counters.

“Just give up, I don’t want to kill you!”

Though barely hanging on, the Calerian was not going to let her opponent know that. Fights sometimes came down to bluffing and if that was what she had to do then so be it. As long as she could get this crazed creature to stop trying to kill her she didn’t care.

Forming a short sword in her hand, Ira extended the blade and pointed it at the female’s chest, right where her heart was. With a quick thrust forward she could end the woman’s life and no matter what kind of healing capabilities a person had once the heart stopped beating, that was it, game over. She didn’t want it to come to that, she didn’t want to have to end her life but there was no way the woman could know killing was against her nature. The last time she’d tried this it hadn’t gone in her favour, but if she had any other options she didn’t know them.

[Tera]

A short cry broke from Tera’s throat as the Calerian’s foot crumpled her knee. She landed hard on her hands and knees, signaling a breaking of some mental barrier, hate and anger flooded her soul. Her hair had fallen in front of her eyes, blinding her to the blade the girl had formed only inches from her. Tera turned and pounced at the girl, her hands gripping her so hard that her nails broke the skin. In the same motion she bit down again on the spot she had already torn open. The blood flowed immediately onto her waiting tongue.

Her mind was snapped back to control as a dire thought pounded in her head.

Something is wrong, very wrong…

It took her a moment as she stared at the wall behind the girl. The blood, it tasted like ash, she released the girl of her maw only a second before the truly horrifying and desperate feeling threw her mind into utter chaos.

Cold? Why am I so….cold?

The thought came and went as her body began to tremble, she moved back from the girl only to see the handle of the blade she had somehow made, protruding from her breast. She could taste her own blood welling up and out of her mouth as she pushed the girl away.

The vampress stumbled dizzily as her mind screamed inside her head but all her body showed was shock.

She fell backwards as the world suddenly turned black and fear overwhelmed her existence.

Black dust was all that hit the ground as well as the Calerian blade.

Tera stood watching the girl, unsure of what had happened, there was a mound of dust at her feet with the blade in it, and the colors were different.

“No, No I can’t be dead, no, this isn’t possible I’m an immortal vampire….” She trailed off as she felt a cold hand fall onto her shoulder, colder than anything she had thought possible.

“Hello Tera, welcome.” The voice was cold and yet she could sense a great deal of joy from it.

She screamed as the hand pulled her into the infinite black of Hell.

[Iriah Caitrak]

The woman had ignored her. The blade pressed against her chest went unnoticed and there was nothing Ira could have done. As she moved it on her the sharpened tip easily pierced through her soft flesh, slipped between her ribs and entered the cavity of her chest. The shock of the fact that she’d actually stabbed the woman was overrun by the fact that once again the female was sinking fangs into her neck and drinking her blood.

She whimpered as she felt the flesh tear and the blood flow more profusely. There was not enough strength left in her to try and push her off, she just couldn’t muster it, if being stabbed through the heart would truly not kill this creature than this was it for her, she was done.

Only a second must have passed, a brief second that felt like an eternity and the female suddenly pulled away from her and pushed her back. Weakened, Ira fell onto her back with little protest. Her head slammed against the stone floor of The Keep with a loud thud, dulling her already waning senses. Lifting her hand to cover the wound, Ira slowly sat up and watched the shocked expression of the woman before her as she realized she was dying. The look on her face was almost too much for Ira to watch, she’d killed her, that was her blade sticking out of the woman’s flesh and it was her hand that had forced it through her chest.

No matter what that woman was here to do to her she couldn’t find it within herself to want her dead, especially by her own hand. Perhaps the healers in The Keep could help, perhaps, anything, it was possible.

“H-Help!” Her first cry lacked any kind of strength to it, “Someone help!” Her second rent the air on a scream, “Abhistikrt!”

She was starting to feel rather cold and her skin was growing pale. The amount of blood escaping the gash in her neck was growing dangerous and consciousness was beginning to fail her. But she shook her head, a motion that seemed sluggish as if she was trapped in a thick liquid.

Looking back to the woman, she watched her fall backwards, her body turning to ash when it hit the ground and her soul torn from the remnants of her flesh. Ira pitied her as she heard her protests at being dead and then turned her head when she saw where the woman was headed. She hated watching a soul being pulled into Abyss.

Holding the wounds as tightly as she could, Ira slumped against the cool stone floor. Her breathing shallow, her heart desperately trying to keep her alive by pumping faster yet pumping more blood out of the wound in her neck at the same time.

She wasn’t going to make it.

[Izvilvin]

The night air greeted Izvilvin like a heavy, warm blanket as his eyes opened. Something wasn't right, and he was somehow aware of it. He'd heard no sounds and not even a change in the air, but it was like some cosmic force was prodding him with an invisible finger.

He leapt from his bed and didn't bother to dress, though he snatched a single iron sai from his weapon belt by his side. In nothing but a pair of black underwear, he cautiously opened the door to his bedroom and peered down the hall. Nothing.

Thinking to check the Jya's room, the Drow approached the large wooden door at the end of his hallway, but stopped midway. That wasn't it. Something told him to turn about, so he did.

He raced down the hall to the stairs, as silently as he could while still being fast, and took them three at a time to reach the bottom. He circled the room, and when he looked down a particular hallway, he saw Ira there, bleeding and crumbled against a wall.

"Ira!" he cried, abandoning his sai to the cold marble floor as he raced to her. He fell to his knees when he reached her position and checked her wounds. Many of them looked grave, potentially deadly, but he couldn't think like that. They were in Jya's Keep, with healers and holy magic abound.

The look on his face was obvious concern, but he was also determined, ignoring Ira's complaints as he took her under the arm and helped her up, supporting her one should with his own.

He stroked her hair as he led her down the hall. A healer should be in the room at the end of it, but if not... Well, Izvilvin didn't want to think of that.

[Iriah Caitrak]

Life was not something Ira had thought she could lose so quickly and so easily. She was a warrior she could defend herself, she had defended herself on countless times but none of that had mattered now, nothing had helped her. Not her years of training and not all her Calerian abilities. Maybe if she’d played out the battle differently, maybe if she’d fought a little harder…maybe… Life was filled with maybes and what ifs and no amount of contemplating could turn back the clock to change any of it. She wasn’t going to make it; there was no way around it. The assassin had done her job, even if she’d died, Ira could see no conceivable way of living through this.

A familiar voice broke through the air and into her mind, but it sounded so far away and even though she doubted it, it sounded like her name.

A blur appeared in front of her and strong hands forced her own fingers away from the wounds on her neck. Her eyes searched and fell upon the face of Izvilvin and if she could have broken a smile at that moment she would have. At least she wasn’t going to die alone.

Concern and fear covered his face as he looked over her wounds; she was after all covered in her own blood.

She went to say something as he helped her to her feet but he ignored her and her head began to cloud over. She fell against him, her vision dying down to nothing but circling spots of colour for a moment and when it cleared she realized Izvilvin was helping her through the hallway, somewhere, he was taking her somewhere. But it was too late for that, why couldn’t he just put her down and let her die?

A door suddenly appeared before her, where it came from she had no idea, but she was just there all of a sudden. Loud knocks echoed in her ear and the surface in front of her moved, ornate carvings turning slightly in slow motion as a person emerged before her, dressed in blue robes. She reached for Ira but she couldn’t feel her hands, she couldn’t feel her legs. Her vision failed her and all sensation left her body as consciousness finally took over, giving her a reprieve from the constant, throbbing pain in her muscles and neck, in her shoulder.


-------------------

With the help of the Drow, the healer caught the woman as she collapsed in front of her. Blood covered her hands, arms and robes as she helped bring her into her room and placed her on the ground, there wasn’t time to make her comfortable on a bed, she had to act quickly. A few more minutes and there would be no helping her, the amount of blood loss she had suffered was significant. No time for questions, nothing she didn’t care right now, she just had to save her that was her job.

Quickly running over to a shelf in her room, tripping over a table in the process and ignoring the throbbing in her toe, the woman grabbed a vial filled with an extremely thick paste. It was a mixture of many different kinds of herbs, all of which were great at stopping the bleeding of any wound, helping to seal it and speeding up the healing process. Spreading this on Ira’s neck, the woman wiped her hand off on her robe and held her palm inches from Ira’s skin, a low chant escaping her parted lips as a bluish glow began to emanate from her palm and travel to Ira’s skin. She started at her neck and traveled over her injured shoulder and finally ended at her chest, leaving her hand there as she continued her chant for a few minutes, ignoring the loss of energy to her own person even as sweat began to bead on her forehead.

[Izvilvin]

Izvilvin collapsed by Ira's side, as the healer helped lay the injured woman low. The Drow's face was a mixture of concern and rage, his senses completely consumed by anger that he didn't know where to focus. He watched silently as Ira was covered in a potion, her wounds treated with magic. Again, it was magic, saving a life. He could see it, now.

For so many years magic had been his enemy, both in Alerar and in Scara Brae. His childhood was filled with dark training at the hands of sorcerors, who though they could heal him, only did so when he was at the very edge of death, and only did so to torment him more.

Today, magic was saving one of his only friends. But magic could have done this to her, as well. A few days earlier, magic had saved him when an Arta had poisoned him with its scimitar. But if magic didn't exist, neither would the Arta in the first place.

Ira didn't seem to be conscious, but she was alive. Izvilvin held a finger up to the healer and rose, leaving the room to examing the hallway. He rushed outside and peered out the gate, looking for some sign of whatever it was that had hurt his friend, but he found nothing. Not a single indication of the assaulter did he see.

He returned to see the healer standing above Ira, a concerned look on her face. The human made a gesture to show that Ira was okay, so Izvilvin assumed she was worried about what Izvilvin was -- the source.

Making sure it was alright, first, the Drow slid both arms under Ira and lifted her, carrying her to a nearby bed and laying her cautiously upon it. He pulled a chair close and sat, lavender eyes gazing into her closed orbs. Squeezing her hand, he made an attempt to call out to her. "Ira?"

[Iriah Caitrak]

The darkness slowly receded, leaving Ira surprisingly not in a state of pain but discomfort. She was sore and still as cold as ice, her brain was muddled and she felt dizzy leaving her wondering whether or not to open her eyes.

“Ira?”

That sounded like Izvilvin once again. Something warm was touching her hand too and it felt so nice.

Moaning, Ira cracked her eyes open and looked up into the worried face of Izvilvin. A face she thought she was never going to see again. The irony of this moment did not go by unnoticed to her though. Not long ago it had been her leaning over him as he recovered from the poison of an Arta and now it was his turn to help her. Fate was an odd thing, not that she’d ever believed in Fate before.

“Izvilvin…”

She squeezed his hand, finding barely the strength within her body to do much more.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” her voice, barely a whisper, broke as tears pooled in silver eyes, “I didn’t…I never wanted to kill her, I just wanted to stop her…” She blinked, the blurry vision of Izvilvin clearing before her as her tears fell from the corner of her eyes.

No matter what that woman had done to her or anyone else Ira did not want to see her dead or de the cause of her death. Her helped lost souls, she sent them to their rightful resting place, she wasn’t the one who was supposed to be freeing them from their mortal bodies! That’s not what she was trained for, that’s not why she was a Calerian. She couldn’t get the image out of her head, the look on the woman’s face as she realized she was dying, worse yet Ira saw her soul afterwards and the torment the woman had been in. It was something she could never erase from her memory, something she could never change and something she wished she could. Yet in the end it had come down to one of them, one of them, was going to die during that battle and though Ira did not want to die she couldn’t find it within herself to enjoy killing or even find some kind of justification in it.

Taking lives was not within her and perhaps it never would be. The guilt that was overrunning her system was perhaps something that would never go away and no matter how evil or misguided that woman may have been it was not going to alleviate it.

“She attacked me while I was sleeping, I-I defended myself but I didn’t want to…I just wanted her to stop…I didn’t mean too…”

The Calerian looked away from her friend, not wanting to see any accusations that may lie within the depths of his eyes. With what strength she had in her body, she curled herself into a ball and stared into the space in front of her as if she were looking at something that wasn’t there.

[Izvilvin]

Izvilvin had a vague idea of what Ira could be distressed over, for though she had just been near death, it wasn't just that. She was battling with something within her, some thought or... afterthought? The Drow couldn't tell, but he was able to place his other hand on her cheek. The last thing visable in his eyes was some kind of mortal judgment, the farthest thing from his mind was shame.

He dipped his head low to meet her blank glare, smiling to try and interrupt her thoughts. She was alright, and whatever she'd done to remain that way was fine by him. What would Ira think, so distraught after having defended herself, if she knew he had killed men for far less? What if she knew he had killed solely to save himself a minor moment's inconvenience?

Of course, Izvilvin wasn't considering these things because he didn't know why she was so upset. The idea of being so torn over killing someone trying to kill oneself didn't occur to him.

"Water," he said to the healer, who was just bringing a large glass of it over. He brought it over to Ira and handed it to her, his eyes lingering on the doorway.

Whatever had been here earlier, whatever had attacked, Ira had fended it off. He took a deep breath and tried to settle himself. What did the future of Fallien hold, in times as troubling as these?

[Iriah Caitrak]

The smile on his face was relief to her eyes but she could not bring herself to smile back, there was too much turmoil within her at the moment. There was blood on her hands were none had been before and she wondered if she could ever get over the look on that woman’s face and the pure agony her soul had been in when she realized she was dead and knew exactly where she was going. What horrible things had she committed within her life in order to go to the abyss? Killing certainly seemed like second nature to her and she’d never had any qualms with killing her…and for what?

Surely the timing of the attack was not a coincidence, this was planned by The Cult of Mitra, she was sent in to disrupt the ranks and kill high ranking military officers, yet Ira was not a high ranking military officer. Perhaps it was just where she’d been placed in The Keep, or perhaps, somehow, the Cultists knew about her people and for some reason they wanted to get rid of her. She truly did not know.

Pushing herself up as far as she could on the pillows, Ira grasped the glass of water Izvilvin handed her and drank deeply of its contents before giving it back to him. The cool liquid made her shiver but it parched her dry throat, something she hadn’t noticed until she’d seen the glass.

This was only the beginning. Dawn had yet to creep over the horizon and with the light of the sun Ira could only imagine what would take place. She was in the middle of a war and tonight was just a taste, tomorrow, perhaps she would be forced to kill more people and perhaps they would not be innocent and perhaps they would still affect her just as much as this one did. She’d heard that killing only got easier the more you did it yet she could not bring herself to believe that. Killing was not within her. The Calerian was not made like that, she could fight, she could bleed and be bled but she could not kill, it wore too much on her heart.

Reaching out, Ira grabbed Izvilvin’s hand and held it as tightly as she could, which must have been a rather weak hold in her state, “Please don’t leave me…” Even if the words were something he could not understand, her eyes implored for him to stay with her for the time. She did not want to be alone where her thoughts could wander back to what had happened and she did not want to be reminded of what was to come. Perhaps in Izvilvin’s presence both would leave her for the time being and she could forget, she just wanted to forget.

Death had come for her this night, but instead she had turned into death and become something she never wanted to be again.

[INDK]

This was a nice quest. It had excitement, though it might have been a bit drawn out given the plot.

And the total is 67

Storyline

Continuity: 8. No real issues here. Everything made sense, the two combatants in the battle had their reasons, and Izvilvin was meant primarily as a bit part. I might have liked a bit more from him, but it wasn’t really that necessary.

Setting: 6. I liked Ira’s uses of physical humor in this, particularly bits like where she made fun of how undressed the character was right before her fight with Tera started. Good use of imagery as well. Since the Tera character relies so much on her physical setting, I anticipate a lot of good scores in this category from you.

Pacing: 5. I’m going to talk about this more in dialogue, but in this thread the way dialogue was used hurt the pacing. Also, I felt that Ira could have done a better job in raising the stakes that lead up to her willingness to finally go for a kill shot. Otherwise, you should have shortened the battle.

Character

Dialogue: 5. Too wordy… way too wordy early on. I know Tera is arrogant and thinks she is going to win without effort, but even then, it was a fight scene. You want your opponent to at least get a sense of a tense cat and mouse game. Tera, if you wanted to be wordy, you could have adopted a tone that was more condescending and less bravado.

Action: 7. The action here really reflected your characters well. The battle strategies in particular were quite appealing. However, I wasn’t much of a fan of Tera’s ending. Seeing as vampires shouldn’t die that way (at least according to Tera) I felt like the reader was entitled to know why what had happened had just happened.

Persona: 9. This was the strongest category in the thread, by far. Tera, it is very rare to see a character with no EXP that is already so well mapped out. The characters were a bit one dimensional here, but that was alright.

Writing Style

Mechanics: 6. Tera, you need to work on diction, particularly with the use of modern words. There can be times for them, but not at the cost of ambiance. Ira Shinkara, you need to watch out for the run on sentences. There were a bunch of other kinds of minor edits that seemed to be the kinds of things you guys should have known, but just didn’t catch, but to no degree was this a big problem. It was just distracting from time to time.

Techniques: 7. Tera’s imagery, particularly in her introduction, was splendid. Otherwise, there wasn’t all that much I thought was particularly above average.

Clarity: 8. This read quite well, outside of the mechanical issues.

Wild Card: 6. I’m not giving you a lower score in this category because I didn’t like the thread, but because I feel that this evens out my feelings with taking all the other scores into account.

Spoils

Tera receives 715 EXP and 275 GP
Ira Shinkara receives 1640 EXP and 300 GP
Izvilvin receives 1265 EXP and 25 GP

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!