One line stories: A challange!

[Hysteria]

Hi all,

So there is a myth about Ernest Hemmingway that he wrote a six word novel as a bet that was thus:


For sale: baby shoes, never worn

So then, in the spirit of flash fiction, I'd like to throw out a challange for people to post one line stories here. I'll be the judge, winner(s) gets (20 - x) * 15 where x is the number of words he/she choses to use.

Max of two entries per person please, just a rough end date of a week(ish) for entries. HAVE AT YE!

[Logan]

Birth, death, and nothing in between.

My parents died. My life began.

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

Much to my dismay, I've discovered that head shots are no longer effective.

[redford]

'I wanted her, she wanted him.'

'It's our anniversary, table for one please'

[black shadow]

Three shots to win, one to kill.

I won, he lost.

[Philomel]

The last man alive in the world heard a knock at the door.

When everything was over, the world started.

[Cydnar]

Everybody reads too much.

[Flames of Hyperion]

Dang you, Hysteria. Now I have one for each of my main PoV characters ><. I'll just put Nanashi and Kayu here...

First love, musty memories. Still dreaming.

The world, her destiny, her own.

[Hysteria]

Two only Phi! Pick your two best.

Everyone else, I'm going to assume that a paragraph space means a new story. Feel free to edit your posts!

[Philomel]

D: I was more doing them for entertainment purposes.

I will move these into a new thread that is for oneliners for characters :3 hehehe.

[hoytti]

(20-x)*15 of what
Death, a new adventure.

Honor, dying breed.

[Gnarl & Root]

Broken career, open window, tenth floor.

Final peak, dirty hands, all alone.

[Artifex Felicis]

I deny your choice. I deny my fate.

[Hysteria]

(20-x)*15 gold, so a 5 word story gives you (20-5) * 15 = 225 gold (if you win)

[Rehtul Orlouge]

I fear intimacy, yet I fear loneliness more.

[redford]

This is my sister's it's pretty good though.

Strangers, friends, best friends, lovers, strangers again.

[Hysteria]

What else do you have for me Althanas??


Empty bowl, loving years; nose and paws so cold.


Spilt pills and vacant stare. I'm sorry.


Your smile. Your laugh. Every thought... Fuck.

[Hysteria]

I judged this based on the amount of story that had been condensed. Start, change and end, with a bonus for emotion or a ‘oh snap’ factor. There were some good entries that felt somewhat like quotes or single sentiments rather than a story. Good, but just a tiny bit off.


Logan:
1. Birth, death, and nothing in between.

2. My parents died. My life began.

I think one or two more words might help the second one, something that helps capture why the subjects life has begun. You could have just gone.

My parents died. My life began; Batman.

Ok, maybe not quite that, but something like that to capture more of the circumstance.



BABE:
1. Much to my dismay, I've discovered that head shots are no longer effective.

Zombies are a quick way to my heart. Good work, but so many superfluous words!

Day 120: Headshots no longer effective.

Regardless, high on the ‘oh snap’ factor.

BABE receives 105 gold!


redford:
1. I wanted her, she wanted him.

2. It's our anniversary, table for one please

Good, although I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the second before (although with so few words, it’s hard to deviate)

I really liked the first one, simple, emotive and direct.

redford receives 210 gold!



black_shadow:
1. Three shots to win, one to kill.

I won, he lost.

I think a bit more context was needed. The best thing would have been a fight that he didn’t want to win, which could have been a fight between him and a friend for a girl. For example:

Drawn pistols for honor and love. My friend, I shant pull the trigger. Bang.



Philomel:
1. The last man alive in the world heard a knock at the door.

2. When everything was over, the world started.

I’m pretty sure the first one is a classic short story horror :p It’s pretty good, but I might be somewhat desensitised to that concept. These sort of stories work better tapping into the universal emotions, love, hate and fear. Abstract horror doesn’t come across quite so well.



Cydnar
1. Everybody reads too much.

This is fine, but I felt without the effort to contextualise the sentiment it doesn’t count quite as a story.




Flames of Hyperion:
1. First love, musty memories. Still dreaming.

2. The world, her destiny, her own.

First one is good, but I think it needs something else to get that ‘oh snap’ factor. I know these are more sentiments of your characters, perhaps then it doesn’t help that their stories are still being written :p



hoytti
1. Death, a new adventure.

2. Honor, dying breed.

Similar comments to some of the others. As small phrases they are good, but without any context they lack the emotional crack of some of the others.



Gnarl & Root

1. Broken career, open window, tenth floor.

2. Final peak, dirty hands, all alone.

I love the first one.

The second I feel as though I’m missing something.

Gnarl & Root gets 210 gold!


Artifex Felicis

1. I deny your choice. I deny my fate.

It’s a good phrase, but without context of the statement it falls a bit flat.

The first thing that came to mind was a forced marriage for some reason. That would make a good story, with a word or two at the start to set it up.


Rehtul Orlouge

1. I fear intimacy, yet I fear loneliness more.

Love at first sight, a chance not taken. Dinner for one.

Same as above, just needed something to add some context. This could be a statement of someone entering his/her teens, in which case it is just a phase and normal. If it’s a statement of a man in his 70s, then that hits me right in the feels.

Enjoy the gold winnnars. Thanks for everything jumping in, I enjoyed your works. Final one from me:



The guiding hand and soothing kiss; memories of mother.