Haunted by the past. (closed)

[loves.blessing.]

McKinley had retired in the inn called Weeping Willows inn and tavern, she had had a glass of red wine to settle her nerves and bones from her long travel and settled into the small room that she had paid for. It didn't take long for slumber to claim her weary self and so the nightmare of her past began.

The morning was hot and dry as it always was in the small hut that McKinley lived in, Isdora the Latina woman that raised her since she was a babe was mumbling something in latin as she stirred a large pot with vigorous ambition. Mumbling a quiet morning to the old woman, Kinley tried to rub the sleepiness out of her piercing blue eyes. Her fiery red locks fell in waves down past her shoulders a few strands standing up from the bed head she had. Isdora placed a bowl of porridge down on the table in front of her. Sighing she picked her wooden spoon up toying with the slop in her bowl. "Do we have any sugar left senora?" Her hopes were answered by the look on the old woman's face when Isdora's large almond eyes met hers. "No." Her already full pink lips pouted out before she accepted the fact that she would have to eat the tasteless sludge. Half way done with her breakfast she couldn't handle the lack of taste to it and placed it in the dogs bowl. With a sniff the mastiff turned his nose away and snorted, "Watch it Tobias or I will let Isdora cook you for supper tonight instead of that tasteless porridge again." The dog whimpered in response as the latin woman cackled at the dog snapping her tongs at the cowering mas of fur.

The laughter was interrupted with the harsh knocking that was coming from behind the hut door. Tilting her head slightly the girl looked over at the old woman who stiffened at the sound before wiping her hands on her apron, her plump short form waddled over towards the door. Shrugging back towards the dog she patted his head fondly before she felt both of her arms being grasped tightly by two men in armor. "Wh... what the hell is going on here get your hands off me!!" She struggled but was only met with a hand across her face, the sensation felt as if someone had poured accelerator on her cheek than lit a match to it. "You will only speak when you are told to slave!" McKinley scoffed at the male that spoke to her, "I am not a slave and go drop dead some where metal head!" Pulling back she spit in his face and was met with another blow to the face instead this one landed its mark to her ear, ringing was all she was greeted with. Tears burned her eyes as she looked at Isdora to her surprise the old woman had tears streaming down her cheeks, it was the first sign that she had ever seen that she actually cared for her. "Please sir I give you silver for the girl?" The sentence was thick with her latin accent but was understandable. The guard that had delivered two blows to McKinley's face laughed harshly shaking his head and pushed the old woman rough.

McKinley watched in horror as Isdora went crashing into the table and smacked the back of her head against the wall. "You bastard!!" Kinley screamed and thrashed in his hold as she tried to get loose to go help the only woman that had been life family to her. Out of no where the sound of snarls were heard as she twisted her head to see over the other guard that had kept quiet the entire time let her go and drew his sword. Tobias stood ridged in front of Isdora's unconscious body the large two hundred pound dog charged the guard. The sword plunged easily into the dog's chest as a blood curdling scream left Kinley's lips as she thrashed and fought as hard as she could against the guard that still grasped her arm. Tears rolled down her face as she clawed frantically at the male's hand trying to break free. Though instead of meeting freedom she was met with a blow to the back of the head and than darkness.

The throbbing that greeted her as she started to wake up was enough to make her groan. Finally when as she opened her eyes she had a faint moment of confusion before the horror of reality crashed down upon her. Tears blurred her vision but what she made out of the room was that it was simple cream white walls a single twin sized bed that she laid on, a lamp that brought dime lighting to the room and a single chair where a plump middle aged woman sat. "Good you are awake! I told those darn boys to not mark up the girls before they are seen and sold." The woman stood up making her way over McKinley, her short stubby fingers grasped the girls chin moving her face to either side to get a good look at her. "My goodness your poor face, nothing a little concealer wont fix but still a shame seeming as you are a natural beauty." McKinley hissed at the sudden movement causing her to snap out of her daze that she seemed to be in. "Wh... what the hell is going on? Where am I? What happened to Isadora?!" The look on the woman's face made her sink back into the bed and wished that the blow to her head had ended her life. "Drink this my child it will help with the throbbing in your skull and the bruising and swelling in your cheek." Her heart raced as she smelled the liquid as it insulted her nose she tried to hand it back to the woman but was greeted with a furious look accompanied by her shaking her head no. Folding her arms under her over sized breast she tapped her foot impatiently. "How do I know you aren't trying to poison me?" The plump woman chuckled shaking her head once more except this time in amusement, "because my darling you are to be cleaned and washed to be sold to any royal that pays top dollar for you." "I wish they had let me die..." She gulped the liquid down hoping that maybe it was poison though when she found the bitter liquid in her belly that nothing happened besides the throbbing in her head dulled and she suspected the bruising and swelling on her cheek subsided for the most part.

After she had been scrubbed until her skin felt like it was going to fall off and dressed in a silken gown she was herded along with a few other women into a room where they waited. Some wept others hollered to be let go and banged against the door than there were a few like McKinley that just stood there and shook uncontrollably. As the door opened and three or four armored men stepped in the weeping got louder and the hollering halted to a stop.

They were filed out one by one in a line out onto a stage in what looked like a court yard. Many men and woman finally dressed in expensive cloth and jewelry stood before them. McKinley watched with her piercing blue eyes filled with horror as she watched one by one the women were sold to the highest bidder. The auctioneer's voice rang out as she entered the center of the stage, "as you know some of our girls were sold to us others were taken in the culling this beaut is as pure as they come, never had a man's hand on her pure milky skin." Closing her eyes she voided out the bidders feeling the sting of fresh tears in her eyes, slipping passed the lids she shivered finally opening her eyes to see the man that bought her after the auctioneer cried out SOLD!

Seeing the mountain of muscles of a man that bought her, "Ernest my dear lord I have been waiting on you to buy one of these lovely ladies all night and you spared no expense to this lovely red head right here." He took her long fiery red mane that had been put up in an elegant French twist and freed it as it cascaded down her shoulders in loose waves. Pushed towards the burly man her insides turned as she withered away trying to push back from the man that was more than less a loss of effort. The man they called Ernest pressed her against his solid chest wrapping his large arm around her small slender waist. His deep voice shook her soul to the core as he spoke close to her ear, so close that his hot breath and his lips brushed against the flesh of her ear lobe causing her to cringe, "I have a gift for you my sweet."

Taking a hand full of her hair he forced her to look out of the doors where another man stood with something on a spear. "Clarence, is my footman and he fetched something that I think you will like very much." The scrawny man turn slowly as her eyes traveled up the spear to the tip a blood curdling scream parted her lips as she saw the head of her beloved Isdora the look of horror still frozen on her face.

Still screaming she sat up quickly, the room was a blur as she hadn't realized that she was crying in her sleep. Tears spilled down her cheeks and onto her white night gown gripping the cotton blanket she shook violently shutting her mouth to silence the screaming that echoed loudly in the small confined room. The door flew open banging against the wall, cornering herself between the bed and the wall she pulled her knees tightly to her chest as she rocked back and forth her vision still blurred as she wiped her tears away and shrieked feeling the bed shift under the person's weight that had barged in from hearing her screams. "Don't touch me!!!" As she felt a warm hand touch her clammy flesh shrink away hiding her face in her knees, "go away Ernest you don't own me any more!!" Her words were shaky as her body also shook violently but the voice that answered was deep but not as deep as her monster of a Master that used to be. "I am not Ernest."

[loves.blessing.]

Feeling a rough calloused hand wrap around her arm yelping when she a strange flesh contact with her own. "Please Ernest I didn't know that he was going to kill you or Monica..." She hiccupped as sobs racked through her entire small frame, the past life of her was crashing down one her after all the years of running. The slightly deep voice spoke again, "I am not Ernest miss I am the inn keeper I came in here because I thought you were being hurt and attacked..." The male's voice faded as she loosened her grip from around her knees as she peeked a look at him. She was greeted with a timid smile and kind gray eyes the male was old looked like he could have been in his mid sixties. Her mouth fell open with embarrassment as she knew deep down that Ernest was dead along with his mistress Monica. They were long gone the only one to have accept was McKinley. "I... I am so sorry I will be gone in the morning I promise to not cause any more trouble.." Her head fell against her knees as she wrapped her arms around them again tightly. Feeling the same warm hand that had been on her arm was now soothing petting her hair, "there, there miss it's alright you can't help what happened to you in the past all you can do is not let it dictate your present or future." Another hiccup was heard as she looked up her piercing blue eyes were blood shot and shining with unshed tears. Touching her trembling lips with a shaking hand she couldn't stop as the pain of her past crashed down upon her like a thousand tons.

After she had calmed down the inn keeper's wife came in she was plump, around and short her frame somewhat reminding Kinley of her beloved Isadora. The woman introduced herself and her husband as Cathleen and Charles and than gave her some camomile tea that had a sleeping elixir in it that would let her enter a peaceful and dreamless slumber so that she may actually rest without her past demons coming to haunt her once more. The woman that had introduced herself as Cathleen stayed in the small room with her patting and running her fingers through her red locks relaxing McKinley. "When you wake my child I shall have breakfast for you and than I will send you to a friend of mine that shall help you with your past but for now let the exhaustion take you into sleep." As the woman continued to speak she could feel herself slowly slipping into unconsciousness with ease and soon she fell into the blackness.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Waking up McKinley felt renewed and rejuvenated but slightly cloudy still from the slumber that she had just woken from she wasn't sure what time or what day it was. Peeking out from behind the drawn curtain in her room she was greeted with the sight of night, a small gasp left her lips as she was bit hazy on how long she had been asleep. Waking up the first time she had know it was in the middle of the night because she never could sleep all the way till morning with her night terrors she had. Her thoughts were interrupted when a delectable aroma invaded her nose, as if to answer to the delicious smell her stomach growled fiercely. Looking over on the nightstand was a tray with chicken and dumpling, a hunk of bread and a glass of the same red wine that she had the night before. Tears collected in her eyes as she couldn't help but feel grateful towards the couple for doing so much for her. Blinking back the tears she sighed picking up the tray and setting it on her lap before she had dug in. After eating her fill and drinking her glass of wine McKinley felt much better. Taking the tray down stairs she was met by Cathleen and Charles as well, "I see you look much better miss." Charles offered her a small smile before pecking his wife on top of the head with a kiss. "I do I am forever in both of your debt I don't know how I can ever repay you." McKinley gushed feeling at ease before Cathleen took the tray from her hands setting on the table and engulfing the young woman in a warm hug that her husband soon joined in on. At first the closeness made Kinley stiffen but she soon relaxed and returned the affectionate gesture.

After they all parted from the hug Cathleen told her of a woman that they called Lady Beirng a French witch that hid in elf land that could help her. The walk would take her a few hours but to keep hidden from all. As she set of on her journey she followed the directions that the couple have given her, the forest was eerie yet calming as she finally stumbled up the cabin of the witch. Timidly she knocked lightly waiting for an answer, the door slowly opened with a slow creak that sent shivers down her spine. A low earthy voice called out, "come in my child, come in."

[loves.blessing.]

Kinley took a timid step as she was greeted with the smell of sage, lavender and something else that she couldn't put her finger on, maybe clove. Shaking her hand to clear her thoughts taking a few more steps it letting her eyes adjust she blinked her piercing blue eyes watered from the smoked that floated around in the air. Looking around she saw that the entry of the cabin seemed sort of bare, no pictures just a simple elegant fire place a creamy white leather sofa and love seat. Behind the love seat she could see that a candle was lit sitting on the counter illuminating the kitchen, she could make out a few appliances but a clearing of someone's throat brought back her wondering eyes to straight ahead. A small frail framed girl with long silver/blonde hair that hung in waves down to her waste stood with her hands clasped in front of her. "If you'll follow me my lady is waiting for you." Her voice was soft yet high pitched as she turned causing her hair to fan out with the motion and walked through a curtain of what looked like hand made wooden threaded beads. Following behind the girl she walked through coughing slight as the smoke was thicker in this room, wiping her eyes as a few tears shed from the burning of the smoke. In one swift word from a source she couldn't see and the smoke dispersed and Kinley's eyes wondered around the room in amazement. Dozens of shelves lined in a row around the room with little vials and mason jars with liquids, herbs and some things that made her stomach flip with sickness.

Finally it landed on the woman, the breath felt as if it was knocked out of her chest as the woman looked like her beloved Isdora. A shaking hand was brought to her trembling lips as she blinked but the tears blurred her vision, "Oh Isadora..." Falling to her knees she felt the sobs shake her body it was impossible but there sat her gracious, beloved Isadora. "There, there my child this is just a face a simple face that haunts from your tragic past."
Hiccupping as her sobs subsides the young woman that had shown her where to go helped her off her knees wiping away the tear stains on her cheeks. "H.....how did you do that?" Sniffling Kinley finally saw the elderly woman had long black hair with a few silver strands scattered across it her almond shaped eyes held the deepest brown color that she had ever seen. "I am Lady Beirng but you may call me Lady B or Angelica please my darling sit down so we may see what is troubling you and how you can try and get over it," with the invitation sat down shyly as she rubbed her eyes her cheeks sticky from her own tears.

"You may go now Sansa my dear thank you for your aid," the girl dipped her head slightly in respect and left. McKinley followed her as she left the room than turned her attention back to the woman that seemed to maybe have a bit of Indian in here heritage somewhere. "Now back to all this hullabaloo wit my past..." Kinley tried to offer her a shy smile the woman nodded and brought up a cup and a bunch of herbs and liquid swiftly adding a pinch here and a dash there. "I am going to make you a potion that will guide your spirit to the exact moment that it broke or splintered to see how you may over come it or maybe even fix it." Self consciously she licked her lips nodding and watching as the woman crushed, poured and stirred a many of things in the cup whispering a few words over the liquid her eyes rolled back for a brief moment before she gasped for air. "Are...are you alright Lady Angelica?!" The woman held her hand up as if to silence her taking a few more ragged breaths she sighed and pushed the cup towards the center of the table. McKinley stood up leaning over the table to receive the potion before she followed the woman known as Angelica towards a cot that was located into a small bedroom. "You will drink the potion than lay here, I will watch over your body because once the vision starts your body can not be moved or your soul wont know where to return to." Nodding gently she sat on the cot and brought the liquid to her lips consuming all of it, the taste was sweet, bitter and sour all at the same time. Setting the cup down once all the contents were emptied from it she looked at the woman than laid down, slowly she felt as if she was being drawn away from where she laid. "Don't fight it my darling let the potion work its magic and take you were you need to be..." her words thinned out as the blackness consumed her before she woke up in the bed on the first night Ernest ever tortured her.

[loves.blessing.]

The bed that she woke up in was soft almost as if she was floating on a cloud snuggling into the large pillows and large duvet. Cold hard reality after taking a moment to fully let everything sink in, this wasn't a dream, this wasn't her mat back at the hut... Oh the hut... Isdora was gone, her lip trembled as she suppressed a sob that was clawing at her throat to escape. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly as she was too frightened to allow herself to see where she was, shaking uncontrollably she only froze when she heard the door to wherever she was open. A soft hand landed on her fiery man that was messy from sleeping, "my sweet dear Master Ernest will be home soon and you need to be washed and ready or he will not be please.." Peeking at the woman that had snowy white hair, plump pink cheeks and kind brown eyes, "Please... please let me go... I shouldn't be here."

The tears and sobs that she had held back all came rushing out as she wrapped her arms around her small frame. A calming hand was brought down on her head once more as the female hushed her, "there, there my child I have been with Master Ernest for many years and if you do as he says and do not anger him he will be kind to you.. Maybe not as kind as you wish but kind." Kinley felt a warm hand drying her tears of her cheeks, "now my darling she shan't take any longer your bath water is getting cold and Ernest will return soon so let's get you all cleaned up and by the way I am Monica." Hiccupping she nodded in agreement for the fact that she had no other choice taking in the large bedroom that she was brought in the ceiling high, the room walls painted a soft lavender color, the room contained a large wardrobe a dresser with a large mirror and a night stand with a lamp next to the overly large sized now messy bed.

She was led into the bath room that was almost as large as the bedroom after Monica washed her in a large bear claw tub. The woman put scented rose petal oil on her skin than dressed the entire time McKinley felt numb and was going through the motions. After being dressed in a silky night gown that clung to her body a little more than she cared for. "What time is it?" Monica looked up from brushing the girl's long fiery man and smiled, "well you were out for about a day and a half so Master Ernest left you in my care, oh my look at me rambling you simply asked what time it was not the back story. It's about eight pm I do believe." Nodding when she was pleased with how smooth her hair was she placed the silver brush down on the night stand. "I must be going to make sure that all is ready for supper I know it is late but Master Ernest will be hungry from his journey to and from town." Nodding at the woman she watched as she closed the door hearing a click she assumed that was the lock on the outside leaving her trapped in this room.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed because she had drifted off to sleep waiting to see what was going to happen next. Waking up to the feeling of someone running their fingers through her soft, silky locks she smiled a little enjoying the calming feeling until the hand began to trace her cheek bone than her nose lastly landing on her plump pink lips. "I had begun to worry when you weren't answering my calls and didn't tend dinner so I came to check on you." A small whimper left her lips as she wanted nothing more than to go home, "please I just want to go home.." Pleading her case got her no where besides a smack upside her cheek hit landed right on her ear that was now ringing rapidly. Licking her lips she tasted the metallic flavor that was her own blood, he must have split her lip open when he smacked her. "Look at me!!" The deep earthy voice roared in her face blinking a few times to chase away the spots that clouded her site. There in her face stood the man that had purchased her and did he look livid. His strong jaw line was clenched tightly and his olive toned skin was red from all the hollering that he was doing he had stubble on his face and dark gray eyes that held no life in them. She was too busy studying his face to realize that he had grabbed a handful of her hair before she let out a yelp when she dragged her off the tall bed. Crashing into the floor the air rushed out of her lungs as she wheezed trying to force oxygen in and out of her air way. "Get up you stupid bitch! Get up or I will give you thirty lashes for not listening to your Master!" He hollered at her as tears had now blurred her vision as she scrambled desperately trying to stand.

Being the cruel man that Ernest was he simply laughed hardly at her struggle and ripped her up by her hair so that she was standing now. McKinley's small frame trembled with fear as he licked his thin chapped lips greedily his eyes raking down her frame with lust. Letting go of her hair finally he grabbed her petite wrist dragging her behind him as he through the door open and hurriedly walked down the hall with her barely able to keep up with him. "I show you kindness and you complain and wish to go home! I bought you, you are mine, Mine do you understand?!" He spat the words over his shoulder in disgust and the only answer she could give him was a small whimper that seemed to anger him even more. Stopping abruptly he wrapped his large rough hand around her throat with ease squeezing her air way shut as she gasped. Her toes barely touching the bottom of the wooden floors. ".....Pl...ease.....s...top..." She clawed at his hand that held her firmly there with no trouble at all as she gasped pleaded him to let her go. Chuckling coldly at her begging he released her from his grasp, falling to her knees she coughed profusely grabbing her throat gently. Though her break was short lived as he yanked her up so hard by her arm she was surprised that her shoulder was still in its socket.

Dragging her down a flight of stairs only for him to open up another door and to further descend some more stairs those these seemed to lead to a cellar or a basement since they were steep and the wood looked old and the air smelled of mildew and some other unpleasant smell that she couldn't recall what it was. When he got to the bottom of the steps he grinned and pulled her past several door before opening the door and tossing her in. "I will be back for you little dove for your punishment for you being ungrateful that I should you kindness and took you into my home." The door slammed and it took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light room, a high pitch blood curdling scream left her lips as she saw a girl around her age strung up on the wall by heavy silver chains. Her face beaten to an extent of where you could tell this girl was once beautiful but you could no longer see it. Large gashes along her cheek and lips her eyes swollen almost shut and her nose looked as if it was broken. Hanging there lifeless McKinley was almost too scared to approach the girl but a small noise drew her closer. The smell of fecal matter and urine were hanging in the air along with the smell of death lingered close by. Close enough to the girl Kinley stroked her long tangled and matted raven colored locks out of her face. "Ater... ater..." The girl choked out as she struggled to lift her own head up, looking around Kinley was confused for a moment before she saw a pail of water and a large ladle next to it. Hurrying over to her kneeled down next to the bucket retrieving the water and scurried back over to the battered girl and lifted it carefully to her swollen. Most of the water slid down her chin but some ended up in her mouth. "Thanks.. I am...Marcia..." The girl croaked before she passed out, taking the chains off the small girl she carefully drug her over to the cot that was located in the farthest corner from the door. Laying her on there she saw many bruises that covered the poor girls flesh as she seemed to have worn the same night gown that McKinley was put in well what was left of it.

The door burst open and there stood with a dangerous and sinister smirk on his face was Ernest, "told you I would be back for you little dove and here I am." Tossing her over his shoulder he walked fast pace down the corridor of doors and stopped at the very end one before opening it. Dropping her on the hard cement floor she groaned feeling a sharp pain in her joints as they jolted together. Looking around her eyes filled with horror seeing all the sick and twisted torture instruments that were hung up on the wall. Knives of all sorts, things that looked like sharp screws a cage that had sharp needle looking things sticking out of it. What really caught her eyes was branding iron that sat now in the hot coals, trying to get away from him was no use as he easily caught her by the waist. Placing her on wrist in chains so that she was hanging there she whimpered and thrashed trying to get loose, though her efforts were simply met with the sound of cruel laughter and he picked up the branding iron. The symbol looked as a jagged spiral but in the same sense looked like an incomplete heart as he swung the orange colored iron towards her flesh she could feel the heat of it near her shoulder. "This brand will show that you are a slave but not just any slave, my slave," and with that she felt the iron burning her flesh away as he pressed it to her left shoulder . Smelling the sickening smell of burning flesh she screamed at the agony only to choke on the bile that expelled past her lips onto the floor before she blacked out.

[loves.blessing.]

Cold water was splashed on her face as McKinley sputtered and coughed slowly trying to wake up her vision was foggy and she couldn't remember anything for a moment. There was an intense burning sensation in her shoulder and her muscles ached and burned as everything slowly started to come back to her. She had been bought, and branded by a monster named, "Well, well you are finally awake little dove I have been trying to wake you for the last several hours between slapping you awake to pouring ice cold water on you," Ernest. The smell of burning flesh was still faintly in the air her stomach turned as if she was about to heave up the rest of what was left in her stomach. "Please, please just stop..." She pleaded as he ran a finger from her clavicle to the middle of the small amount of cleavage she had. A small chuckle rumbled in Ernest's chest as he caressed behind her the nap of her neck before gripping a hand full of hair forcing her head up so that she was looking up at him. "You are mine little dove and that means I can do with you as I please!" Drawing his tongue up the side of her face before he tried forcing a rough kiss on her lips.

After he had released her hair she hung there on the chains slowly swaying back and forth to weak to hold herself up any more. The crack of a whip brought her focus back as she tried to turn around to see what he was doing. "Now the rest of your punishment is going to be fifteen lashes like I said for taking my kindness for granted. I will clip your wings little dove so that you can no longer try and fly away." He was so close to her ear that his hot breath sent shivers down her spine. Letting a cackle out he easily ripped her night gown exposing her bare back as he cracked the whip one last time. Closing her eyes tightly she waited in anticipation as the first lash that connected leather to skin made a skinning sound but not as ungodly as the scream that came out of Kinley's mouth.

After the fifteen lashings that he had promised to give her he released her hands that were now bruised and chaffed badly from the struggle she had put up during the punishment. Dropping to the floor like a rag doll she let out a soft cry feeling her back that surely was ripped open exposing what little skin was left and a few hints of her spine and the back of her rib cage. From her back down to her feet she was stiff and sticky from all the blood that was trickling down her back. Weaving in and out from unconsciousness she felt someone lift her onto a gurney like bed and wheeled out a whimper or groan of protest wad heard from her every bump they hit. It felt like an eternity until she was placed down on a cot, a weak scream left her now pale lips as she blacked out once more.

Not sure how much time had passed she tried to open her eyes but they were so heavy that she failed each time. Hearing murmuring around her she laid there for a moment trying to hone in on what the voices were saying. "Why hasn't she woken up yet, it has been three days?!" "Because my dear her lashes were deep exposing some bone and she was also branded being someone as small as she I am surprised the beating didn't kill her." The second voice sounds more familiar as she groaned feeling someone peel something off her back, with that new pain her eyes shot open as she gasped gulping in air. "There, there darling I am just changing your dressing and putting on more salve to help you heal faster and promote minimal scarring as best I can." Looking up at the woman that was now stroking her hair trying to soothe here she realized it was the woman that introduced herself as Monica. "Please... please help me I just wish to go home.." This time her pleading was answered with a cold laugh that belonged to the girl with rave colored hair. "You don't have a home now only a place that is far worse than Hell itself.." Marcia! You are scaring the poor thing, like I told you darling as long as you are well to Master Ernest he will return the kindness but if you are not so willing I will not be able to stop him from doing as he pleases with you." A snort came from the girl named Marcia as she scoffed at the words of the old woman before turning away from both of them but not before McKinley noticed that her swollen and beaten face was almost healed fully

"Aria did as she was told and butchered like a sacrificial lamb."

Gasping she sat up abruptly shaking and sobbing with terror the vision had been so real that the scars left on her back from the lashing and branding ached. The face of Angelica was blurry as she felt a soft hand wipe away her tears. Taking a couple of minutes to compose herself she took a shaky breath before looking at the woman whose nose was now bleeding. "Angelica... your nose it's bleeding." A small smile graced the old woman's lips as she shook her head dismissing it, "all magic comes with a price my dear."

[loves.blessing.]

Watching as Angelica wiped the blood away with the back of her hand before turning back to her, "now that we have done the vision that still haunts you to this day we can move forward with the rest to try and cleanse you." McKinley was unsure she knew that was one of the times that stuck with her but surely there were more that haunted her. Why was it simply the first time she encountered Ernest wrath that caused her to be so weak? The old woman must have seen the waves of questions that continued to hit her on her facial expression because she cleared her throat before speaking again, "dear when you were in that room and being branded and lashed how did you feel? Obviously you felt pain but deep down what did you feel in your soul?" Kinley thought for a moment closing her eyes seemed to help as she spoke what came to her, first a flood of emotions than she slowly sorted through them. "I... I felt as if I wasn't a person any more but a thing, like my body wasn't my own but something that just shelled my soul that also wasn't mine." A small tear leaked from her closed eyes as she felt a warm finger tip brushing it away. "Well my child I am guessing the reason why that moment is sticking out worse than most is because that is the moment you allowed Ernest McMillian take away your humanity and freedom."

It took a moment to allow it all to sink in before McKinley stood up a little too fast causing her to see black dots and sway. Shaking her head to clear away everything she looked at the old woman, "what do I do now that I know what is wrong with me?" A kind look crossed over the old woman's face before she caressed Kinley's cheek tenderly. "You live my darling, you live." Sighing with frustration McKinley pushed her fiery locks out of her piercing blue eyes as she pursed her lips in confusion. She knew that the old woman meant literally but some man things rushed through her mind live, live how? I know what is holding me back but how do I just all of the sudden get over something that has been imbedded into my mind and memory for over three almost four years. It still haunts me like it just happened yesterday and yet she just simply tells me to live. The thoughts continuously swam through her mind as if on replay until she felt a cold hand on her cheek. Startled her turned towards the person the hand belonged too, the small girl named Sansa offered her a kind smile on her thin pale lips. "Lady B left you to your thoughts for a moment but I have some herbal tea that will settle your stomach and ease your mind slightly in the dinning hall," with that said she simply turned walking out of the room.

A few moments later McKinley sat at a table with the pale girl with vibrant eyes that were disturbingly beautiful. After a few moments of admiring the young girls beauty she turned as she heard the beads shifting around as someone moved them. The old woman came in with a something that looked like a ball of fur in her arms. A smug smile was on the elderly woman's lips as she sat down putting whatever in her arms down in her lap and taking a sip of her tea. Kinley's curiosity peaked as she tried to see what was laying in the woman's lap. With no such luck she finally blurted out awkwardly, "what do you have in your lap, why does it look like a ball of fur?" Feeling her cheeks flame up with embarrassment she timidly took a sip of her tea looking up only to hear the woman chuckle in response to her out break. Looking up she was met face to face with what seemed like a small puppy that shared the same eye color as her well, at least one was piercing blue the other an emerald green. "This is Nymeria she will be your reason for living her mother was killed for her pelt because the warmth of her fur and the beautfil markings that mirror Nymerias. You are her mother now McKinley JoAnne Parish live for her."

After a slight pregnant moment of silence McKinley shook her head profusely adverting the animals eyes at all cost. "I can barely take care of myself let alone be able to care and raise this puppy.." Her words were abruptly interrupted by the old woman tsking her, "McKinley my dear look, look into this dire wolf's eyes and tell me what you see."

[loves.blessing.]

McKinley piercing icy blue stare was met with a golden- amber colored one, the small dire wolf stared straight into her eyes like she was looking into Kinley's soul. Images of friendship, loyalty and love flashed in her mind before a small sob left her lips. With a trembling hand Kinley reached out to the animal only to be met with a small, cold, wet nose on the tips of her finger. As soon as their skin met the trembling that was happening stopped all together and a slow creeping feeling of peace incased her. Once the peacefulness succumbed the two Nymeria closed the gape between them and hopped off the table into her lap. Curling in the small ball of fur that was, a soft cream color with mixes of gray, white, black and a hint of brown Kinley absent mindedly started to pet her lovingly. Too engrossed with the beauty of the creature in her lap to have noticed that the two people were smiling at her.

Giving them a questioning look they both giggled like little school girls which made Kinley's cheeks heat with redness. The older of the women was beaming with what looked to McKinley as either pride or satisfaction maybe. "I told you my child, she is the reason you will live." Nodding slightly as if she was pleased with what was done here she stood up and smiled with pride. "Now all you need to do is build your bound and your very well can't do that here. You must go out and learn to trust one another you will build your confidence and she will build her skills at being a wolf. Together you will complete one another and neither of you shall be alone spiritually, psychically and of course mentally." Nymeria's ears perked up as she put herself into the sitting position on Kinley's lap as if she were listening. Her amber- golden gaze locked with McKinley's for a moment once more, the feeling of unconditional love washed over the girl. A few tears spilled down her cheeks only to be licked off by her new companion.

With all that being said Kinley stood up while setting Nymeria gently on the floor. Walking over to both the young girl and the woman she kissed one cheek and than the other, the older woman smiled accepting the show of affection though the young girl looked put off and a bit perplexed by the kissing of her cheeks. "Thank you so much for giving me Nymeria and showing me there is more to live for." The old woman shook her head as a small smile graced her wrinkled lips, "I did not give you her dear, she chose you on her own." Nodding with acceptance about what the elderly woman spoke she looked down at the small dire wolf a small, kind smile danced across her plump pink lips. "Still I just wanted to say thank.." Her words faded as she looked back for the old woman and she was no longer in the cabin but in forest. "Woah, I don't think I will ever get used to someone being able to have that much power.." Kinley looked down at Nymeria once more before she shrugged kneeling down and patting the wolf's head lightly.

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Commentary:

Strengths:


The way in which you delivered the story was your greatest strength here. It is an emotional, very human and enjoyable read from start to finish. Paragraph three in particular had a powerful effect (“Tears burned her eyes as she looked at Isdora to her surprise the old woman had tears streaming down her cheeks, it was the first sign that she had ever seen that she actually cared for her. "Please sir I give you silver for the girl?") that really grips the reader and makes him or her want to read on. The story throughout remains consistent and flashbacks help to hold the interest of the reader. The end of the piece was also very nice, and really made the reader feel there was a real connection being fostered between Nymeria and McKinley.


Another strength in this piece is the accuracy of the majority of your spelling and general use of metaphors and similes. The descriptive text you use in this piece is utilised well, and allows the reader to really visualise the details in your story. This helped to add colour and life to the writing. An example of this lies in post two, paragraph three (“Her thoughts were interrupted when a delectable aroma invaded her nose, as if to answer to the delicious smell her stomach growled fiercely”). The key to creative writing is to put your reader in a position where he or she feels they are actually there, and the reader would feel this was accomplished in this piece.


The characters felt real. This is a strength that most writers want in their toolbox, as getting the reader to relate to your characters is absolutely key. Getting them to both understand, and enjoy, a number of different stories and undertones running through a single thread is the goal for any writer and this is something you do well. Post five, paragraph four caught my eye in particular (""Because my dear her lashes were deep exposing some bone and she was also branded being someone as small as she I am surprised the beating didn't kill her." The second voice sounds more familiar as she groaned feeling someone peel something off her back, with that new pain her eyes shot open as she gasped gulping in air. "There, there darling I am just changing your dressing and putting on more salve to help you heal faster and promote minimal scarring as best I can.") and whilst the sentence itself requires a little more in the mechanics department, this jumped out as one example of a piece of description that helped bring some realism to the writing and life to the characters.



Weaknesses




Whilst the story was well written, the mechanics of the piece seem to be an area where improvements can be made. The first issue was that a lot of your sentences were quite long and didn't seem to be structured correctly. An example of this is in paragraph two of post one (“Isdora the Latina woman that raised her since she was a babe was mumbling something in latin as she stirred a large pot with vigorous ambition”) where a comma placed in the correct area makes all the difference to both the clarity and the pace (“Isdora, the Latina woman that raised her since she was a babe, was mumbling something in latin as she stirred a large pot with vigorous ambition”). As well as this, the writing seems to be done mostly in large, chunky blocks of text. A way of improving the quality of the read for the reader would be to break up the story by using a mixture of short, medium and long paragraphs. This can increase the effectiveness of tense moments whilst also deliver the story in a much more powerful way, emphasising moments of action and helping to control the pace of the writing.


Whether intentional or not, the last post came across as a little rushed and it seemed to lack the descriptive punch and consistency of posts before it. It is quite often the case that strong threads finish weakly because of people wanting to “just get it done”. The advice to be given here is to always finish as strongly as possible, and this means posting a finale in keeping with the general overall quality of the thread. Consistency, or a lack of, is noticeable, especially during the closing stages of a story where the reader is still clinging to every word.


A less obvious weakness here is the usage of posts. Whilst it was a long story, totalling over 5,000 words, it felt like a lot had been crammed into seven posts. Sometimes, breaking up the story into smaller but more digestable posts can improve both the quality of the read and the effect on the reader of moments of action and tension. The transition between posts one and two are an example here, where the Inn-keeper crashes into the room and McKinley thinks she is being attacked by Ernest, of where perhaps leaving a cliffhanger between the two posts would have raised an appropriate amount of tension. Here, it might have been better to finish the post on the door crashing open. The natural break between posts would have given the reader a little moment of suspense before the truth is revealed about who it really was. Again, less obvious, but perhaps something to think about for future pieces.


Final score: 50

Congratulations!

loves.blessing. recieves 515 EXP and 70GP! Well done!

[Lye]

EXP & GP Added!