Workshop: Every Dog Has His Day

[Philomel]

Name of Completed Thread: Every Dog Has His Day (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?30102-Every-Dog-Has-His-Day-(Tentative-Solo))
Name of Authors: Lye
Type of Thread: Quest
Thread Length: 12 Posts
Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP
Date Closed: 24/11/2014 (24th November)

Critique Guidelines:

1.) Standard rules for etiquette apply. No spamming or off-topic posts, no personal attacks or trolling. Focus on critiquing the thread, not the writer. Use constructive criticism and try to speak in terms of "strengths" and "weaknesses". For example: "Your story was strong, but the action seemed a little weak. Try using more adverbs to describe actions or use a thesaurus to spice up your word choice."

2.) Likewise, those who have asked for a workshop should take criticism gracefully. Use it to better yourself. These are not intended to offend or belittle, only show you opportunities to grow.

3.) If at any point you notice improper conduct, contact an administrator immediately. Bullying of any kind will not be tolerated. Arguing will also be regulated heavily. Polite, constructive debate is permitted within reason.

4.) In order to receive EXP & GP for your feedback(see Workshop Guide), a critique must be helpful, elaborate, and considerate. It is suggested that the review be at least 3 paragraphs and focus on strengths, weaknesses, and overall content. You may use the Althanas Rubric as a guide.

5.)Those that leave an exceptionally detailed review with plenty of constructive advice may be eligible for double rewards. This will be up to the posting judge's discretion. The authors of the thread may request the additional reward be given if they found a review to be particularly helpful. The request must still be approved.

[Logan]

This thread was an exceptionally easy read, Lye. The poker game to the short time in Madison's laboratory flows so eloquently, and your ability to bring life to each of the settings is uncanny. I especially liked how you tied the poker game back into everything, using it as a wonderful literary device by which to foreshadow something greater and making the game itself something more than just thread filler. Further, I am equally impressed with your depiction of the creature or plant or experiment in Madison's lab which holds its own personality, while still remaining essentially an inanimate object. That takes skill.

My only critique with the thread itself are the few mechanics errors where either a word is missing or is misused, such as specifically "gestured with an open palm to his college" where you clearly meant colleague. Still, in spite of the mechanical errors which only jar in a minimal way, the thread is a fantastic read. I appreciated your attempted use of multiple alliterations in the first post with "winter wind" and "barren branches", and while I suspect it wasn't intentional it was a nice effect all the same.

Overall, this thread really was a delight to read, and I really got a good grasp of the characters involved, from Lye to Diggs and Hedge, and even a little bit of Isabelle. The way you flowed from one character to the next was done simply, and it didn't feel forced. Even with the massive amount of dialogue, you didn't overdo it, and let things run their course naturally. As a reader, I appreciate this kind of flow as it makes for a far simpler, and far more comfortable read. I'm glad I read through this thread, kudos!

[Gnarl & Root]

To be honest, Logan makes me regret not posting this yesterday, said what I wanted to say really, but I had to sleep.

Having said that, I stayed up reading this because I enjoyed it to the point I didn’t want it interrupting.

As Logan states, it’s such an easy read. I found everything just flowing and flowing, going exactly where I wanted it to. In short, it was just really well written.

The Story side of things

I enjoyed the story, as simple as it was, the characters made it for me. I wasn’t sure I was going to like Lye, but the further the story went on, and the more the characters interacted I found I did.

Both Diggs and Hedge made the story for me; I think with the calmer arrogance that Lye displays helped them stand out. The three of them really gave the story some personality and drive to make me want to keep reading.

Additionally I thought Lye was going to kill them anyway once he had what he wanted. So I liked the fact you didn’t do the expected.

The Mechanic side of things

I find this hard to criticize; it was all so well done. The actual discussion between the three at the table flowed better than most speech I’ve read anywhere. I really felt like I was in that conversation. I flew through so quick I found it hard to spot anything wrong.

This is post 5 as Logan mentioned above.

He took his seat and gestured with an open palm to his college - a sign to keep his temper lest he lose his head. Literally.

When I read Logan’s post, I had to go back and read it again. I totally missed it myself because it read so well. So no complaints here. No one’s perfect?

Being picky

Because all I’ve done is compliment you.

The only real thing I felt I wanted more out of, was setting. You began building a good picture in the first post, but arriving at the hall it felt lacking.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s some nice description when your characters interact with certain parts, such as the chair. Post 3 –

Hedge leaned back in his rickety wooden chair and it groaned under his weight.

But when approaching the Grand Hall, and entering it, I couldn’t picture everything I wanted to picture.

Lye shoved open the doors of the Grand Hall. Heat rushed out from the interior as wisps of cold and frost spun inward to purchase claim on new territory. Two men grunted feverishly to shut the doors as their leader passed. With a loud slam and the unforgettable sound of a reinforced beam locking them in, the two men welcomed him. Lye waved a hand and gave them his back as he pressed on.

While I loved the way you described the wind and temperature exchange, that quote was about it.

I guess it wasn’t of such significance to your story, so it didn't need that much. Yet when you arrived at the gates to this place, I was intrigued and wanted to understand exactly what this place was. Before I knew it you were inside and talking about the card game, so I felt like I missed out.

[Cards of Fate]

This thread was an excellent way to shake the rust off of your writing skills. You've been gone for a while, and aside from a couple of editing things with mechanics your skills seems as sharp as ever. The first thing I noticed is how quickly you managed to establish who Lye was, where he was, and what he was doing. As someone who had only really heard of Lye through others stories and OOC chat I had no trouble picking up everything that was going on, which to me is fantastic.

Your pacing was wonderful and kept me fully engaged the entire time. I never felt like I was getting bogged down in things like scenery or fluffy metaphors, and thus the entire thread felt more enjoyable as a whole. While your story didn't have much actually happening, it made sense and felt like an excellent starting point for anyone looking to pick up Lye's tale. It left me as a reader wanting to know what happened next and excited for your next thread, which is a thrill I haven't felt in a while.

My final point of order is mechanics, but I don't want to sound like a broken record. I have had you help me with my writing in the past and I know you are capable of editing to a higher standard than this. Microsoft word is your friend.

[Philomel]

This thread will remain open until the end of the week (Sunday) and then EXP and GP sorted.

Apologies for the delay in sorting these out. I have been super busy with my dissertation.

[Philomel]

Rewards for workshop: Every Dog His Day (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?30147-Workshop-Every-Dog-Has-His-Day)

Logan receives: (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?51-Logan)
600 EXP
25 GP

Gnarl & Root receives: (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?18306-Gnarl-amp-Root)
120 EXP
25 GP

Cards of Fate receives: (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?17720-Cards-of-Fate)
480 EXP
25 GP

[Rayleigh]

All EXP and GP have been added!