Business as Usuial

[jdd2035]

If it weren't for the damnable Civil War Cain would have thought that things were going practically perfect in every way. He was on the quarter deck of his ship the Peregrine observing it being loaded out again and thought to himself ~Never leave port high in the water~ what was meant was never leave port with out a cargo hold full of cargo. His last load was a hold plum full of barrels of whale oil and twelve casks of ambergris. The ambergris alone was worth as much or even more then the entire hold full of whale oil. While the whale oil and ambergris would bring in a small fortune Cain and the rest of the ship and her crew would see very little of that money most of it in fact all of it belonged to the whaling company less the transport fee which was distributed two thirds to the ship it self for maintenance, parts, customization and should the ship have cargo space left over to buy their own cargo wholesale. The rest of the money would be divided up between the crew, Cain as captain would get two and a half shares, the cook, boatswain, quartermaster and other rated seamen on his crew would get two shares and the rest would get one or a half share each depending on if they were an able seaman or a swab.

The whale oil profits less the transporting fee would go to profit the Republic of Corone and what he would be shipping back to the island nation in turmoil would also mostly to help out the Republic of Corone. There were a few trade contracts to be fulfilled, cow leather for armor, cotton for gauze, bolts of silk for bandages, spools of silk for sutures and poppy seeds to keep the injured minds off of pain. There was an offer for Cain and the Peregrine to transport canons long twenty fours which Cain refused; the Peregrines four pound canons each weighed twelve hundredweight and a twenty four pounder was even larger. He couldn't fit many of the canons in his cargo hold along with the powder and shot with out sinking his ship... and not a shot fired.

The cargo had to be placed just so with the bundles of cow leather which was the heaviest cargo was placed along the center line, and closer to the stern of the hold, this was followed by the bails of cotton, the bolts of silk and the casks of poppy seeds and spools of silk. The Peregrine had some room left in the hold so Cain took some of the ships funds and bought several barrels of wine, and bolts of fine wool. Things would go incredibly well unless the crew decided to dip into the cargo if the crew found the poppy seeds and wine the ship would not move very fast. Luckily a crew busy with keep the ship sailing didn't have time or opportunity to check the ship stores let alone the cargo hold. It wouldn't take too much longer until the Peregrine was loaded out and they could get under way.

[jdd2035]

There was one last piece of cargo to be loaded on to the Peregrine: a middle aged gentleman. He appeared just as the last few barrels of wine were being loaded into the cargo hold.

"Excuse me," The middle aged gentleman started "My name is Mr. Smith, and I was wondering if I could secure transport on your boat."

This made Cain grimace it was a ship, ships had three masts also ships had also if you couldn't count you could at-least remember that boat could fit on ships but ships could not fit on boats. Letting the minor sleight pass Cain asked "Will you work, pay or something of both?" while folding his arms and looking over Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith plucked a few whiskers of his chin and replied "If the fee not be too much I will pay in full."

Cain thought a moment and figured in his head what the cost for the extra provisions, the extra weight of the middle aged gentleman and his luggage, and the space it all would take up because obviously space on a ship was at a premium. "Five hundred gold, you get the space of one foot locker, and your meals will consist of hard tack, oatmeal and if there's any left over salt cured meat you can have the left overs but my crew come first."

Mr. Smith shook his head he was quite appalled at the amount and the fact that he only got hard tack and oatmeal "No No. I wont pay that much not at all. If I wanted to pay that kind of price I would have gotten passage on a liner. Not a merchant man. I'll pay you fifty for that."

Cain shook his head "That's not going to happen. You will be taking up valuable cargo space, eating our provisions, and taking up space that an able seaman could be taking up and helping this ship make money. Lets call it an even three hundred for you and your luggage. Or I can always say no and not feel bad about it."

Mr Smith knew when he was beat he obviously wanted out of the port "All right all right you got me. Three hundred it is."

Cain accepted the deal and stated some final rules "You are aloud on deck and in your berth. You don't enter the cargo hold, and if you are caught steeling from the crew I'll let them disseminate their own justice. And last but not least stay out of every ones way."

.....................................

It took about an hour for the Peregrine to be fully loaded and pushed off the docks. Cain ordered his crew to man the jolly boats and tow the Peregrine out of the docks. It was the safe option sails could push the ship too fast through the harbor and send it crashing through any number of objects, deadheads or completely run it aground. The boats were crewed by five people one to an oar and one for the tiller and slowly but surely the Peregrine made it to the open harbor.

As soon as it was safe Cain stepped up onto the Peregrines quarterdeck and ordered "Make ready for sail!!"

[jdd2035]

The Peregrine laid out in the harbor as the jolly boats were heaved aboard and stowed. Looking to his boatswain Cain ordered "We shall profit from this wind. Make sail."

The boatswain made his call and hurried away "Newcomers and guests below. Silence there!"

The crew began to rush about and the Peregrines regulars stood poised in their usual places in dead silence, the Peregrine laying there rocking gently with the shipping on her port side beam and quarter and on her starboard laid the port city. The wind was blowing abaft and slightly to the port turning the Peregrines stern around a tad. Cain waited a few moment as the ship turned just so and hollered "Away! Aloft!"

The crew repeated the order from stem to stern and instantly the shrouds were dark with men running up to the spars as quickly as if it were a set of stairs. Cain satisfied with the progress of his crew then ordered "Trice up! Lay out!"

The crew again repeated the order from stem to stern in a strange kind of echoing repeat and the topmen began to hurry out onto the yard arms and casting off the gaskets that held the sails tightly furled to the yard arms. The topmen gathered the canvas in their arms leaning against the yard arms and waited.

Cains next order was "Let Fall!" the boatswains whistles could be heard through out the ship with a shrill peep-peep peep-peep. The topmen began unfurling their sails first the cruse sails leeward side first followed by the windward, followed by the lower top sails then the upper top sails. There was a gentle nudge as each sail began to catch wind each more powerful than then previous until it was one steady push.

The Peregrine was under way the boatswain asked Cain "shall we set the top gallants?"

Cain shook his head "not right now, let's see about saving the masts." The top gallants would give the Peregrine plenty of speed but would also bend the masts father forward and cause that much more stress on the masts that wasn't currently needed. "Let's rig another back stay on each of the masts to be ready when we do need them." The crew had finished setting the sails by raising the forward stay sails and the Peregrine had spread her wings like her name sake.

The ship had sped up to nearly seven knots soon after leaving the harbor and Cain had set a course east south east to Gisela Corone and all along her side there sang a run of living water. The ocean was glassy, like after a storm and the ship ran smooth. The ship creaked and groaned as the wind pushed the Peregrine eastward and the crew began singing as the went about their routines. The able seamen scowerd the decks with holystones and the boatswain and his mates worked at the lines running up extra back stays for the main and aft masts.

Looking out of the transom windows Cain saw that the land was shrinking out of site and sat down to plan the voyage to Corone.

[jdd2035]

The first half day, night and most of the second day out to sea went on cheerfully. The breeze was strong and had picked up enough to push the Peregrine up to nearly eight knots and the water had picked up a nice swell making the voyage pleasant enough. The crew had their meals at the appointed times and with it being early in the journey back to Corone they were happily fed with fresh beef, vegetables and fresh yeast bread which would be a damn good memory for the crew when at the end of the journey came and they would be eating hard tack, sauerkraut and cold salt cured fish.

In fact there was only about one fly in the ointment as it were. One middle aged gentleman named Mr. Smith, it clearly wasn't his real name but it didn't matter as the 300 gold worth of pearls with the lapidaries seal placed on it was real. No the fake name wasn't the problem what was the problem was that soon after the Peregrine had gotten underway Mr. Smith had turned sea sick and surely. He complained about every thing, it was too hot in the day time, it as too cold at night, the food was too salty or too mushy, and couldn't the Captain sail this boat smoother? Not only did he complain he was also opinionated and thought he knew every ones job.The long and the short of it was that he was swiftly becoming a thorn in every ones side including the captains as Cain wanted to keep Mr. Smith alive long enough to get him on shore while at the same time the idea of cutting Mr. Smith into fish bait didn't sound too bad either. All in all though the crew made the best of making jokes and little ditties about him and that kept the moral up for the time being.

It was about ten hours before the sun would go down that things started taking a turn for the worst. "Strange sail on the horizon!" shouted the lookout. Now that wasn't so much of a problem as ships tended to go back and forth following the currents just like the Peregrine did so for all Cain knew it was just another ship. But never the less Cain liked to err on the side of caution. Taking a glass in hand Cain looked in the direction that the lookout was pointing. It only took a few moments for Cain to find the strange sails. It was a Brig a two masted sailing vessel he couldn't tell how many guns it had at this distance even with his exceptional eyes.

Looking to his boatswain Cain ordered "set the stunsails quietly no pipes no calls" The Boatswain nodded and in a hushed whisper the order was passed through the entire ship. The Boatswain asked "What's wrong?" Cain shook his head "It's probably nothing but I'd rather not take chances. Are the extra back stays rigged?" The boatswain nodded and Cain said "Good, like I said it's probably nothing but if it is trouble hopefully they won't notice and if they do we'll have a few leagues ahead of them."

For the next few hours things went about as normal the crew busied them selves with their routine work but at about four bells of the afternoon watch Cain could tell that the Brig did notice and in fact it was catching up though trying not to advertise that it was catching up. Looking over to the Boatswain Cain ordered "Set the t'galants and then prepare to hoist our colors." The Boatswain nodded and the crew began to raise the highest sails on each mast and there was a perceptible 'kick' felt in the ship. The able seaman announced that the present speed of the Peregrine was at ten knots.

Now was the test Cain was watching the Brig intently. If the Brig was not actually hunting the Peregrine the Brig would go about it's business but if it were hunting the Peregrine it would make to catch up. Looking through the glass Cain saw that the stunsails were being set on the Brig. Cain ordered "Raise our colors, let us to let them know that we wont be surrendering." Up went the Peregrine's colors a brilliant field of royal blue with a wine colored elongated four point diamond with a black cross running through the center of it and up went the Brig's colors a field of black with a crimson scimitar and anchor on it. The jig was up as it were and there were no pretenses the Peregrine was being hunted by pirates and they were catching up.

These chases could last days and hundreds of sea miles and amount to nothing but never the less the Crew readied the guns and by now Cain could count how many guns the Brig had. There were two bow chasers he wasn't sure of the size but they looked better than eight pounds and twelve gunports on the broadside and probably two stern chasers. Twice the guns and twice the weight of shot than the Peregrine there would be no way that the Peregrine could win this fight. The only hope was to escape during the night which was still a few hours away probably too many hours away.

It was no secret that the Peregrine was being hunted and Mr. Smith had come on deck to offer his unsolicited advice "we should let the the other boat catch up then drop the anchor turning this boat sharply taking the one following us by surprise and pepper them with a full broadside."

Cain winced once again "You have read too much fiction Mr. Smith and the Peregrine is a ship please go below until you are told you can come back up."

Mr. Smith insisted "It's a good idea why shouldn't you pursue this action?"

Cain finally having enough of Mr. Smith "Ok if you insist I will tell you why I shouldn't. First to make such an action to we would have to let the Brig out there fire their bow chasers into our stern for several minutes at two shots about every three minutes and like all ships the Peregrine is weak in the stern. Further when we did drop anchor ~MY~ ship will go from ten knots to zero with a quickness the result would yes bring her around on a copper but it would also tear off the capstan through the hawspipe ripping out two of our guns not to mention sending cannon and shot flying injuring or killing my crew. Moving on from there having the ship anchored would give them the weathergage and take away what ever advantage of mobility that we had letting that Brig turn this ~Ship~ into nothing but holes and splinters before coming aboard and killing who ever is left and taking who or what ever they like for their own gain!! Now if you don't mind go to your berth, find a rope to pull on or throw your self overboard I don't care which currently."

Turning from Mr. Smith Cain said to the Boatswain "I'll need to talk with you and a carpenter shortly."

[jdd2035]

A few seconds later Cain was in the great cabin of the Peregrine putting out lights and to further darken the gallery windows from outside view. It was still light so it shouldn't look too suspicious. A little bit after that there was a knock on the cabins door and Cain stepped back out to see the Boatswain and the Carpenter waiting on him. Looking at them both he said "Keep the crew working as normal. What I have in mind is this, I want a raft built with a mast tall enough to have a yard arm to match the stern lights height from the water line. What I plan to do is toe it behind the Peregrine and put out a stern light on the ship while at the same time lighting the corresponding light on the raft. I know it wont be perfect the raft will rock too much in the waves but with any luck it'll work."

The Boatswain mentioned "We have a full moon out tonight."

Cain nodded "I realize that but it's either this or we get into a fight we can not win and I'll be damned if we get boarded tonight."

The Carpenter and Boatswain began working on the raft below the quarterdeck it took eight empty casks to give the raft enough buoyancy to float in the Peregrines wake. The mast of the raft was a spare yard arm which was fastened to braces in four directions like any mast but with only one ratline heading up to the top of the mast. Topping every thing with a small sail and four stern lights.

By the time that the Boatswain and Carpenter were adding the finishing touches to the raft the crew and the Captain hear the thunder of the first cannon fire from the Brig. The cannon ball hit the water just right skipped across the water a few times and CRASH!! SMASH!! the cannon ball had plowed its way through the quarter gallery window and destroyed something inside Cains grand cabin. A few moments later a seaman came up with the cannon ball in hand and presented it to Cain it was a twelve pound ball. Long nines; they could rake their stern to pieces if they got much closer and there was still about half an hour of light left.

Not even a minute later the Brig's canon roared once again and splashed about a cables length from the stern of the ship. The sea must not have rolled right to make the cannon ball skip the rest of the way to the Peregrine. The next tense several minutes was a rhythm of BOOM, SPLASH! BOOM, SPLASH! with each splash creeping closer and closer to the Peregrine.

The moon had not came out yet and the sky had turned over cast giving a touch more darkness to what the crew had to do. The raft was hoisted into the water and lead along the side of the ship as the lines hoisting the raft fouled what ever it could foul. Soon how ever the raft had found its place behind the Peregrine

[jdd2035]

After the raft passed though the Peregrines wake Cain stated "I need a very agile seaman!" Soon there were three volunteers Cain than ordered "Now from this point on there will be no calls, no bells and no pipes all messages will be passed by a messenger." he pointed at two of the volunteers "have boat crews man the jolly boats and be ready to pull the Peregrine." The third volunteer had a rope tied around his middle and then was lowered into the water where he swam to the raft.

Cain ordered "douse the port side stern light." The light on the ship was doused while the corresponding light on the raft was lit. The same was done for the starboard side stern light and the center stern lights. Now the stern of the Peregrine was completely dark and Cain took the wheel and turned the ship to the port and began to tack against the wind.

As the Peregrine broke away from the Brig Cain ordered "Furl the sails and lower the jolly boats." The sails which could catch a lot of moon light were furled against the yard arms and tied off with gaskets. The jolly boats were tied to the bow of the Peregrine and they began to pull the peregrine farther away from the Brig who at this time were continuing to fire at the raft. When there was about ten miles between the Peregrine and the Brig the sails were once again unfurled at about the same time as the lights of the raft went out all at once. On the Peregrine there was a collective chuckle.

By the time that morning came there was no sight nor sound of the Pirate Brig and the Peregrine re-set its course to Corone.

The chase with the pirates had cost the Peregrine a day and a half of travel just to get back to where they should have been. That cost the Peregrine plenty of supplies especially fresh water while they weren't hurting now it would start hurting later and that wasn't good for the moral of the crew. Happily there were plenty of islands that the Peregrine could restock. The Peregrine had dropped anchor in an inlet that was protected and had a fresh water stream near the beach where they landed.

Things were going well once again the ship was being refilled with water, the quarter gallery windows were being temporarily patched and boarded up and fresh meat and foraged food had been put into the cooks stores. But like all things when things go well they don't go well for long "Strange....sail?!" Shouted the lookout on the main mast. Taking his glass Cain looked out to where the look out had pointed. Immediately Cain new why the look out had sounded confused it was a ship a heavy ship with two masts fore and aft rigged but that wasn't the reason for the confusion. No the reason for the confusion was because on either side of this strange ship was a large wheel that was splashing a small rooster tail out behind it. A strange site indeed and an infamous one.

Before the civil war the strange ship was called the Republican an advanced ship from the ship yards of Alerar and the Flagship of the Corone Republic but then the Civil War happened and the Republican was captured by the Coalition and renamed as the Might of Corone such a pretentious name but it was still the Flagship of the Imperial fleet. "Right, out of the frying pan and into the fire." Mentioned Cain. There was no time to to get out of the inlet and set sails before the Might would be on them and firing its massive cannons eighteen pounders he heard.

Cain had to think fast "Raise the quarantine pennant on our aft mast. But don't raise the colors." Cain than took to observing the Might she had set a drift farther out from the shore than Cain had expected. He wondered how deep of a draft the Might had to pull up that far out. Never the less it was a vulgar show of force and it afforded Cain a nice long view of the gun ports on the strange ships broadside.

Fourteen guns on one broadside more guns on one side than the Peregrine had with both of its broadsides. It was not a good scenario and the Might was launching a skiff with the Coxswain through a announcement cone ordering "You will allow us to board or we will blow you out of the water!" Cain had no intention of surrendering the ship nor trying to run. He nodded at the Coxswain and grabbed a rope and when the skiff got close enough Cain asked " do you have a surgeon aboard your ship?"

The Coxswain had the rowers stop rowing at the mention of surgeon and asked "why do you ask?"

Cain tried to toss the rope towards the Coxswain "some of my men, they've been vomiting blood and their skin is turning grey and tearing. Please come aboard and tell me if it's a plague please do you have a surgeon?"

The Coxswain stepped back and avoided touching the rope ordering his men "Back water!"

Cain tried tossing the rope again "Please come aboard come onto our ship and see the puss filled pockets in their mouths! Please send your surgeon!"

The Coxswain nearly panicked shouted "No! back water! Back water!! Do not try to come near our ship or we will be forced to sink yours. May the gods pity you and your crew but we can not help you! Stay away!"

With that the skiff had passed the lane between the Peregrine and the Might. Several minutes later there was a great howling noise from the Might of Corone than scraping and it sounded as if the entire ship was shuddering. The Might's paddle wheels began to move slowly at first but began to pick up sped. The wheels were picking up speed but looked like they were slipping and the Might of Corone took its sweet merry time gaining any forward movement. Finally the Might gained traction and started to move coming about from its present location.

Cain took every opportunity he could to take in the Might of Corone. It had a few advantages over a frigate even a true Ship of the Line or Man of War when it got up to speed it was fast probably faster than any other ship on the sea even the large Galley's with hundreds of slaves pulling the sweeps. It also had bigger guns for a ship of its size. But for every advantage there was a major disadvantage first it was slow to get moving even with the help of sails and wheels it took forever to get up to any kind of speed and in spite of its top speed it was clumsy and took nearly five miles to come about. It was the guns and the speed which made it dangerous but it still relied upon a lot of intimidation and seemed to be too fast to properly marry a consort.

Cain watched the Might of Corone as it disappeared from view and then finally breathed a sigh of relief. Next time he wouldn't be able to bluff his way out of it. But for now the Peregrines crew was all aboard and the Peregrine's food and water stores were topped off.

The Peregrine was under way once more.

[jdd2035]

The weather had started to turn with a cold front pressing in from the south this had the effect of producing many an island of fog floating on the sea and so thick that one couldn't even see the forecastle from the quarter deck and in the thickest spots one could barely see the main mast from the helm. The Peregrine had just exited one such fog bank. The sun was hidden behind a thick carpet of clouds guaranteeing that the fog would last for the entire day, night and probably the next day or two.

Never the less the crew of the Peregrine was happy to get out of the fog bank and into less claustrophobic conditions and for the next few hours things were pretty routine. The sailors all stepped out into the open in spite of the cool air and breath deep of the less humid air. Ropes and lines were mended, sails were re-rigged and the decks were scoured with a holystone and things felt fairly normal. Even Mr. Smith seemed to be in amiable spirits.

Words like normal, peaceful and calm do not last long in times of Civil War and soon the lookout on the main top mast was shouting "Strange sails! It's the Might of Corone!" There was no mistaking the Might of Corone it was the only ship to have both a sail and a smoke stack with two large wheels one on either side of it throwing up water like a large rooster tail.

Cain growled this was supposed to be an easy back and forth trip where he'd get a nice sum of coins for his crew and ship and be off on another round trip. Instead he had been chased by pirates, trapped by the Empires Flag Ship and now they were being chased in earnest by it and to make it official the Might of Corone's colors and Imperial jack were raised. He finally after a few moments pause ordered "All hands to the braces set the t'gallants and stunsails! Take us in to the fog set us two points to port and reef the stays!"

The Peregrine picked up speed and it began to clip the water and kick up whiskers on its bow she was in fine form this day. As they closed the gap between the Peregrine and the fog bank Cain ordered "Gun crews ready port and starboard guns run them out!" There was movement all about the ship sails going up and the sound of cannons being loaded and ran out of the gun ports.

Much to Cains chagrin Mr. Smith once again offered his unsolicited advice. "Why do we not just surrender? None of our cargo is illegal is it?"

Cain sighed and decided to get it over with "If we let them board the first thing they would look at is the manifest and they would find that all this cargo is bound for Gisela. They would immediately accuse us of smuggling, treason and possibly piracy. Now smuggling will get my crew ten years of prison and me twenty years, Treason will get us beheaded and Piracy will get us hanged. Now I wonder how they would cut our heads off while hanging us at the same time or will they just flip a coin. Either way I'd rather not experience it so we're not going to surrender we're going to survive this day and we're then going to deal with this monstrosity of a ship chasing us and then we're going to deliever out goods. Is-that-clear?!"

Mr. Smith nodded and said "I'll just be out of the way."

Cain breathed a mild sigh of relief glad to be rid of Mr. Smith temporarily and set about directing the goings on of his ship.

For every mile that the Peregrine made the Might of Corone made three and a half nearly four when the wind gusted and soon enough the sounds of the Might's bow chasers could be heard thundering and rapidly closing in on the Peregrines stern. The first of the Might's cannon balls hit the Peregrines taffrail splintering it. Cain shielded himself by covering his head when the rail erupted and when he looked as his arm he found large splinters running through the skin of his forearm. At the same time the Peregrine disappeared into the fog bank and was listed to the starboard.

The Peregrine slipped silently through the water especially compared to the loud pumping chuck chuck chuck of the Might of Corone. They could hear it coming closer and closer and it sounded as if it were passing them. Cain pulled the splinters from his arm and stepped silently to the masters mate at the wheel and ordered "cut her to the port cross the Might's wake and wait for my orders."

The Peregrine began to ease to the left and it began to feel the rocking and shuddering of the wake. Cain stepped below to the gun deck and ordered "We're not aiming for the transom, point your guns low, aim for the rudder, we wont win a fight even in here we're just going to slow this beast down. Don't fire until you hear my order."

The Peregrine began to rock even more violently as it crossed the Might's wake causing the watch bell to ring. Cain winced he had forgot about that infernal watch bell "Crap fire! Harder to port!" The Peregrine turned hard to port and her cannons fired in rapid succession boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! At the same time the Might of Corone's stern chasers crews surprised at the Peregrine being behind them scrambled and fired blind with their cannons KABOOOMMMM!!

the Peregrines shots hammered the stern smashing holes right at the edge of the water line and fouling the rudder. Mission accomplished. One of The Might's two twelve pound stern cannons fired wide hitting the air. The other how ever struck the main lower top sails yard snapping it in two. But the winner of the the short engagement was the Peregrine.

[jdd2035]

The first question Cain had to answer was "Why didn't we finish her off?"

Cain hated being questioned by his men but it was a very valid question after all it seemed quite obvious that the Peregrine gained the advantage with their surprise attack disabling the Might of Corone's rudder. As for Cains answer "Because we couldn't, the Might's two stern chasers fired as much shot as all of our broad side at once. Our little four pounders barely penetrated the Might's stern at the waterline it's weakest spot while the Might's twelve pounders would of hammered us to the point of breaking our keel after the surprise wore off the gun crew. Not to mention that the Might of Corone was still pulling away from us and as it got farther our shots would penetrate less and less. So should we have tried for a broad side and capitalize on it wheels. First the Might of Corone has more guns on one side of it that our entire ship also each of it's broadsides are firing shot nearly five times heavier as ours. We would get one shot and then the Might would concentrate it's cannons one our flash and obliterate us. That only leaves the Might's bow which is thicker than it's stern, has long twelve pounders for bow chasers which can hit us far sooner than we could and it could easily ram us after that. We could not win this fight."

The next question that Cain had to answer was "Why didn't we cut and run like we did with the pirates and the raft?"

Again a very good question it made sense the Might of Corone would have a very hard time to turn with out a rudder so why not take advantage of the lack of maneuverability by the Might. Cains answer "Because the Might of Corone is temporarily crippled not blind. First thing that the might is going to do when she gets underway is come out of this fog bank and look for us. Even with the overcast skies the look out could easily see us. When we ran from the pirates they we were several hundred sea miles away form them by morning. With it's speed the Might would catch up and we'd be in the same situation but with out the aid of fog."

The last question Cain had to answer was "So it's pretty much a lost cause?"

Sounds like it a faster foe with more powerful cannons could have them dead to rights that was true. But those were not the only considerations and Cains answer followed "Not as lost as one would think. Like I said the Might doesn't rely on the weather gage but we can still use the weather gage to out up most advantage. Our draft is shallower than theirs, even with her rudder she's clumsy in coming about, and her sailors have not needed to take advantage of the weather gage. I'm not saying that defeating this monster will be easy but it's possible. We will need to be up wind from Might at the very last, we should also try to press her against the shore but no matter what we absolutely need is to get her broadside rolling high or rolling and having it stay there. Don't worry that's up to the boatswain, masters mate and I to figure that out. What you the crew need to do is to sharpen every pike, harpoon, and cutlass; grease the wheels of your cannons trucks; and clean every round of shot. We need to shoot every shot straight and true and run your guns up fast after every recoil and do as much damage against boarders if we need to. I can not stress this enough the Peregrine has to be in rare form if we are going to win and I plan to win. Now to your stations."

[jdd2035]

Cain had the Peregrine start its way out of the fog bank as the main lower top sail was replaced. While the Peregrine was under way Cain consulted his charts and maps. He needed a place to fight the up coming battle on his terms not theirs. He needed the ocean floor to change in depth drastically in just a few miles and he counted on the wind and weather gage on his side. He counted on it because he had to count on it that was plane and simple. He knew his approximate location and studied the charts of any set of islands or reefs. He happened upon the most likely candidate a patch of ocean with coral archipelagos. Once out of the fog he ordered "Bring her north, north east and keep the wind two points abaft to the port she'll like the wind there. All sheet all sails I want every bit of wind pushing us."

The sails were trimmed and sheeted, and the main lower top sail had been replaced along with its yard. Cain thought the Peregrine would need about a three hour head start to get to where he wanted the final battle. The Master of Corone gave the Peregrine two hours having the good fortune of coming out of the fog bank on the same side of the bank as the Peregrine after she had repaired her rudder and was closing fast.

The Captain of the Might of Corone wanted the prize not to mention the surprise attack had wounded the Captains pride and he wanted the Peregrine there was no doubt about that. The wind was really on the Peregrine's side though still for every mile that the Peregrine was able to make the Might made a mile and a half. The battle was soon at hand and at about an hour and forty five minutes the Might of Corone began shooting her bow chaser. That was when Cain knew with out a doubt that he would not be able to fight the battle the way he wanted to. Thousands of contingencies ran through his head what might work, what was borderline stupid, what would take an extreme amount of luck to work and what would get them killed out right.

If they stayed on this course they would eventually be captured. He might get another knot or two if he dropped his cannons and cargo but that would just delay the inevitable. The Might of Corones began connecting with the Peregrines stern it knocked out the taffrail on the port side followed by smashing through the gallery window and great cabin door below the quarter deck with a twelve pound cast iron ball of cannon shot which killed a deck seaman. Making a decision Cain walked down onto the gun deck he ordered "Gun crews ready for a starboard volley and run your guns back out and fire again as fast as you possibly can." Coming back up to the quarter deck Cain relieved the masters mate and hollered "hard a starboard!!!" and spun the wheel hard to the right and the crews half way startled by the sudden change in course rallied well and the Peregrine turned sharp so so sharp that it's cruse sails yard nearly touched the water. As soon as the Peregrine recovered Cain saw that his ship and the Might of Corone were going to hit bow to bow.

The two ships collided and Cain shouted "Starboard guns fire at will!!" The Peregrines guns erupted just as she rolled to the port and the twenty four pounds of shot ripped through the forward three gun wells of the upper gun deck and out of the weather deck. The Might of Corones cannons fired and stripped the Peregrine of her spanker sail, the spanker spar and a the mizzen top mast. At-least two topmen were tangling from rigging and another one was screming but not moving on the Peregrines deck. A minute and fifty five seconds later the Peregrine fired again tearing up more of the upper gun deck and weather deck knocking loose her main masts curse spar and sail not that it mattered much with the Might's wheels but it was something.

The Peregrine crashed along the Might of Corone as Cain tried to pay off but the boarding netting and tackle from the bowsprit had fouled in the wheel of the Might of Corone. "Cut those lines" Cain shouted as he fought the steady pull of the wheel. The bowsprits tackle snapped off the sprit and into the wheel as the boarding nets began to pull the Peregrine under the Might and every one could hear the Peregrine starting to strain from the weight of the Might. Cain then ordered "keep firing!"

Looking up he saw that the Might of Corone's men were about to board his ship and another order came "Prepare to repel boarders!"


There were many effects happening all at once.

First the Peregrine was being pulled under the Might of Corone causing the Peregrine to roll further to the port raising her starboard guns. This same action was also causing the Might of Corone's forward section to raise out of the water and turn her starboard guns up as well. The Peregrine being sucked under had her guns pointed at the Mights hull at point blank range while the Mights guns were pointed in too steep of an angle to do any critical damage to the Peregrine while at the same time crushing the smaller ship.

Second the Peregrines rigging has started to wrap around the paddle wheel of the Might of Corone dragging the Peregrine under.

Lastly the Might of Corone was about to send boarders.

And the boarders did come swing over with boarding axes, hooks and cutlasses about twenty of them. Seeing as there was not much else to do at the moment with the wheel Cain took up his harpoon and charged into the fray! The fighting was swift and covered the deck of the Peregrine. During the initial stages of the fight Cain was stabbed in the ribs with a pike and if it weren't for the timely intervention of a flint lock pistol blowing off a part of his ear Cain would have been ran through. The battle was pitch but in the end the boarders were repelled Cain was slashed in the left shoulder after being piked but lived and he had lost an able seaman and a second class boatswains mate but the boarders were repelled.

Taking a boarding axe Cain assisted in cutting the netting and tackle that were dragging the Peregrine under and when the last lines were cut the Peregrine shot out from under the Might of Corone and violently rocked from port to starboard while at the same time the Might came crashing down and began to list as she took on water.

Damage was done a lot of damage was done, The Peregrine had lost its entire mizzen mast, its main top mast and a good deal of its rigging, she had a split along her starboard beam that was steadily streaming in water and five of Cains crew were dead with a sixth as good as dead. The carpenters mates were busy sealing the crack and the ordinary seamen were working their chain pumps like madmen. But all that being said the Peregrine could still get under way keeping her starboard side windward while the carpenters and seamen worked and there was a fight to finish.

The Might of Corone was damaged as well with a large hole below the water line and her upper gun deck had lost three of her guns and was torn all to pieces and with water flooding in and causing to roll to the starboard her guns were pointed way down in angle causing her shots to fall very short of the target.

All fore sails were set and any others too and the Peregrine started to move away. She was limping but moving and so was the Might of Corone until a loud scraping/grinding/snapping sound was head from deep with in her bowels. Than a loud rumble followed by a crash was heard and a large portion of piston arm and cam was launched from the Might of Corones starboard side wheel housing.

This was the Peregrines chance and Cain brought her around ordering "Port side guns concentrate all fire on the wheel!" The Peregrine fired and with the weekend hull of the Might began to take out large portions of the Might's hull. There was another howling scream coming from the Might of Corone and another loud explosion sent a plume of steam and smoke through the smoke stack and smoke began to roll with in the ship. Then the lookout on the Peregrine shouted "she's struck her colors we've won!" and there was a great cheer through out the Peregrine as long boats and jolly boats were being lowered into the water.

[jdd2035]

Cain was in his great cabin he had letters to write and a laundry list of work to disseminate to his crew. From deep below he heard the chain pumps working in a rhythm and Cain wondered if they could stay ahead of the ocean long enough to have the crack in the Peregrines hull. Then there was the masts the mizzen was completely gone, and the main mast had lost its top. Rigging was another story all together it was completely shredded on the starboard side and new lines needed to be hauled from stem to stern. A lot of the repairs would have to wait until they could get into port but what could be at sea would be done they needed all they could get if they were going to make it home. Then there was the issue of the prisoners Cain did not actually expect prisoners he expected an easy merchant mans voyage with the only obstacles being the weather and the dock agents.

The Peregrine did no have the room for the hundred fifty or so surviving members of the Might of Corone nor the guards to watch them all. The solution was simple though a bit cruel. Keep them in the jolly and long boats and keep a cannon pointed at them and if they got to uppity than there was the cannon. Rubbing his temples then his eyes he was tired and had lost a lot of blood him self. His white shirt stained pink at the shoulder and ribs and what was left of his ear was charred.

There was a light tap at his door and entered the boatswain "Sir, the Captain and Surgeon of the Might of Corone to see you." Cain nodded and replied "send them in."

The Captain was a man of average height with a greying beard he was dressed in his working uniform sail cloth pants a blue waist coat and a bicrone hat and around his waist he had a cavalry saber and main gauche dagger. The Doctor taller and stocky almost heavy set wearing sail cloth pants and blood and soot covered long sleeve shirt he didn't have any sort of weapon nor hat. Both the Captain and Surgeon saluted Cain and the Captain spoke. "Captain, I am Jon Kelly former Captain of the Might of Corone, I formally and humbly surrender my men and my self into your custody. I know I have no right to ask any favors but will you hear me out?"

Cain nodded and beckoned Jon to continue.

Jon spoke "As you may know Imperial Captains swear an oath under pain of death that we must do every thing in our power to prevent our ships from being burned, sunk or taken as a prize and the Might of Corone has been sunk by a ship that she easily out classed. If you would please sir write a letter stating that I did indeed do all that I could do to keep her from sinking."

Cain was not an unreasonable man and he acquiesced on one condition "Your surgeon will see to both of our men. Mine first unless one of yours is to die before hand. Your sick and injured will be housed on the weather deck or in the forecastle and will not be unguarded at any time."

The Captains made the agreement official with Captain Kelly surrendering his saber to Cain and Cain set to writing his letters.

[jdd2035]

Finally the Peregrine was growing into a rhythm, the holystones were being ripped across the deck, the boatswain and his crew where hauling lines and ropes up, carpenters mates worked at replacing rails, smashed and splintered timbers and spars of every shape and size and all added to the kind of organic flow to the ship. Inside his great cabin Cain sat behind his desk pen in hand and staring at several sheets of blank paper. It was time to start writing.



Dear Mr. and Mrs. Golding

I have the unfortunate duty to inform you that your son Ordinary Seaman Tarui Golding has been killed in an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He was a diligent seaman with a serving spirit and an attitude that there was no job beneath him qualities that are incredibly rare at sea and on land. He was lost when the Might of Corone fired a volley of shot from her broadside. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of seven silver, and two copper coins and one pearl worth an additional four silver coins. He will be missed among the crew.



Dear Mr. and Mrs. Williams

I regret to inform you that your nephew Able Seaman Ash Williams has been killed in an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He was a skilled and talented seaman whom I would have rated boatswains mate upon our return to our home port of Gisela. He was lost during the chase prior to the actual engagement when the Might of Corone fired her bow chaser through the Peregrines stern, through her grand cabin and into him it is presumed that he did not have time to feel the impact. He was popular among the crew and his jocularity and skill has been sorely missed on our return home. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of eight silver, and nine copper coins and a pearl worth an additional four silver coins.


Dear Mrs. Villiers

I am very sorry to inform you that your husband Masters Mate Stephen Villiers lost his life during an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He knew the Peregrine, the wind and the seas current as well as I did. The Peregrine does not feel the same with out him at the wheel it is almost as if the ship herself miss him as well. He was lost when the Might of Corone tried to board and take the Peregrine as a prize he fought just as hard for the Peregrine as any other crew member. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of two gold, three silver and seven copper coins and a pearl worth an additional seven silver coins.


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Snow

I regret to inform you that your son Gun Captain and Gunners Mate Henry Snow was killed during an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He was a charismatic leader and skilled gunner. His speed at running up his gun and the accuracy at which it was fired very well may have saved many lives on the Peregrine. His gun crew will miss him as will the the entire crew. He was lost when the Might of Corone fired a broadside and its shot stuck the Peregrines gun deck. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of two gold, seven silver and eight copper coins and a pearl worth an additional eight silver coins.


Dear Ms. Rogers

I am sorry to let you know that your fiance Midshipman Steven Barton lost his life during an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He was a good leader and led by example. He lost his life when a broadside from the Might of Corone knocked him from the top mast and he became tangled in the rigging breaking his neck and paralyzing him and he died as comfortably as we could make him several hours later. I did not have the pleasure of knowing him for very long as this was his first cruise with the Peregrine. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of three gold, five silver, and four copper coins and a pearl worth and additional gold, and five silver coins.


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pullings, Mrs. Pullings and family

I am deeply saddened to inform you that your son husband and father Third Leftenant Thomas Pullings has been killed during an action with the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone. He was one of the most skilled officers I have ever had the honor and pleasure of serving with on the Peregrine. I could trust him to command my ship with such skill and authority that when I returned I would not find any thing out of order. He was killed when he took the lead of the forecastle men in defending the Peregrine from boarders and was ran through with a cutlass. I have enclosed among his belongings his pay for the cruise of ten gold, five silver, and nine copper coins and nine pearls each worth an additional five gold. You have my most sincere condolences.

Each letter was ended Cain Jodin Captain of the Sixth Rate Merchantman Peregrine.

There was one last letter to write


To whom it may concern with in the Admiralty of the Imperial Navy
Concerning the action between the sixth rate merchantman Peregrine and the C.I.S steam frigate Might of Corone.

After giving chase to the Peregrine for approximately two days the Might of Corone finally engaged the Peregrine in earnest on the second day of the twelfth month of eighteen hundred fifteen. The engagement was going to be clearly one sided with the Might of Corone being the victor. If it were not for the unfortunate event of the Peregrine colliding with the Might of Corone and subsequently being dragged under the Might of Corone putting the frigate at a distinct disadvantage for firing at the Peregrine the tide of battle would have stayed on the side of the Might of Corone. In short if it were not for factors beyond Captain Jon Kelly's control he would have taken the Peregrine and her cargo as a prize. He did all he could to prevent he Might of Corone from being sunk and acted in all due diligence for her crew and for the Empire.

Respectfully
Cain Jodin
Captain of the Sixth Rate Merchantman Peregrine.

[jdd2035]

It was another five days before the lookout on the foremast started shouting "Land ho! a point to the port!"

Cain smiled the Peregrine's stores had been depleted woefully and even the officers and Cain were down to rationing hard tack, the water was starting to taster brackish and the rum stores were gone. Having that many extra mouths really had done a number on all of the Peregrines supplies. There were about a dozen injured most of which were on deck and every one was on a rotation giving them only about four hours of sleep. All that being said the sight of land was welcome news. Stepping out of the grand cabin Cain looked out on the horizon to see the first glimpses of land.

The repairs on the Peregrine were well underway almost all of the new rigging was up as well as most of the carpentry. The gallery windows were still smashed and the Peregrine still needed a new mizzen and main top mast and corresponding spars but the repairs were well under way.

The first stop for the Peregrine would be the Republic Navy yard. There was nearly one hundred fifty prisoners he had to drop off Cain didn't want prisoners for all intents and purposes he didn't want any thing to do with the Civil War really but he was involved, he was involved because he didn't like the policies of the Empire; he was involved because he didn't agree with the exorbitant taxes pushed upon him by the Empire, and he was involved because he didn't like a government that made its citizens unable to defend them selves. And now he had prisoners which would now be processed and taken into custody.

While there he spoke to the Post Captain "This is damned unusual, merchant ships are either captured or evade their pursuers. If they're taken as a prize insurance pays them back for their losses. You Captain Jodin not only did you fight your pursuers you actually sunk them. Now while you are well with in your right to defend your self well this could be problematic as you could be accused of piracy with it being the word of your crew and you against the word of most every one else. Now there is a way around this if you wouldn't mind I can write you a letter of marque and back date it. That should smooth over most thing if your explanation doesn't get believed later on."

That was not an unreasonable offer and as a privateer Cain could take ships as prizes as well as be a regular merchant that would add a lot of money to the ships funds and crews pockets and that made people that much more comfortable so Cain agreed.

The next stop of the Peregrine was at the dock yards. There Cain was happy to accomplish his mission and had delivered his cargo. He also meant to get new masts and spars. The Dock yards had the mizzen and most of the spars but no top main mast and to Cains opinion the mizzen available was not worth putting on his ship. Now the repairs to the mizzen and main top would have to wait.

With the cargo off loaded and his part of the pay taken care of it was now time to find a properly supplied dock yard and take care of business. Therefore taking on supplies and a load of whale oil the Peregrine set a course for Serenti. With any luck he would be able sneak into the docks there and refit with none being the wiser news traveling as it does.

[Sulla]

Plot

Story (6 / 10)

The story itself started off on a rather simplistic path. Cain took a simple job to transport whaling hauls and other supplies in his cargo to Gisela, and from the onset it seemed like a rather easy mission. As things ramped themselves up, I found the story much more engaging. Instead of the mercantile angles of negotiations and port fees, I was treated to a fight for survival from two separate enemies on the oft dangerous seas. I really enjoyed this thread, especially once the Might of Corone made itself known. But there were some missed opportunities that I felt left some elements sorely lacking.


Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there.

I quote this in relation to the character of Mr. Smith, and where he stands in the story. It was an obvious alias, as Cain noted in your narration, and he was willing to pay a rather insane fee to get himself onboard the Peregrine. This told the audience he had an air of desperation to him, or that he needed to keep a low profile, avoiding a passenger liner that would have been cheaper and more comfortable. But he never really featured into the action going on around him. He popped up twice, shown to give ill-suited advice to an expert captain, rebuked both times, before heading back down to his quarters. I expected some revelation later on, that perhaps he was assisting the pirates or the Empire in tracking the Peregrine (by leaving a trail in the ship’s wake) or that either group was specifically looking for him. While these don’t need to be the only situations he would have found himself in, without something to tether him to the events as a whole, he felt out of place. I’d wager you must have some plans for him in the future, otherwise he’d just be considered a sort of slice of life glimpse into ship living, in a thread that didn’t really give any other characters time to show that same mundane, everyday life. But I find it so strange that he was also the only other named character (aside from the letters at the end) mentioned in the thread.

To that end, I’d also like to prod a bit into the letter section. I really enjoyed post eleven because of it, but it sort of came out of nowhere. Cain Jodin gets the opportunity to be shown as dutiful to his role of captain, even when it’s his grim responsibility to write letters to his shipmen’s next of kin. But we’re never really shown these people in the course of the thread. Their deaths are mentioned, but only in narration and so briefly. And even if more time was spent fleshing that out, we never really got a glimpse at their lives. Post eleven would have had so much more impetus behind it if you’d given some more time to the crew of the Peregrine. As far as I can tell, you didn’t even name any of the ranks you mentioned (the ship’s carpenter, the boatswain, etc), and when you know someone by title alone, it’s hard to feel the full gravity of their death. These are men who have served with Cain since his first ship (I imagine, based on your profile, because this didn’t come up in the thread.) There should have been a few scenes of the captain talking to them at his table at meal time (at least his mates, given the astounding regimentation onboard vessels) or at his inspections of duties on the ship.


Setting (7 / 10)

This category is actually quite difficult for me to judge because of who you wrote the setting. There wasn’t a lot of time spent painting a vivid image of worn, salt-stained wood or sea as calm as ice. A bit of that peppered in whets the appetite of the reader, and may make their vision of events more real. After all, reading stories produces pictures in all our heads as our minds work as best they can with the words on page to try and make the most complete scene.

But the technical knowledge used was so complete, that such techniques really weren’t needed. The parts and directional terminology used for the boat made the final battle with The Might of Corone a breeze to picture, even when things could have very easily become convoluted. It was blunt, but so thoroughly effective that I can’t fault it at all. In fact, I was worried when I first began the thread that the descriptions of naval battles would be unclear as I’ve often read, and was pleasantly surprised to see such a grasp and authority with source.

All I can really do here is ask you to continue with such complete descriptions of the ship, while also attempting to fit in some descriptors of life aboard ship (and off ship, as when they resupplied.) Hearing how Cain ordered the lights on the ship extinguished to fool the pirates was great, but a bit about the darkness becoming a hindrance to his men, or their pale, wide-eyed faces full of fear as they hear the guns firing off in the distance at the raft wouldn’t just help to expand the setting to a living, breathing world, but would also really help with some character issues I found later on.

Pacing (5 / 10)

Besides the final confrontation at the end, there were many issues with pacing throughout the story. The first few posts were, for lack of a better word, fairly dull. The cargo log took up almost the entirety of the first, and it wasn’t until the pirate ship was sighted that the action began to pick up. Now, this normally isn’t too big of an issue. No one says the first part of a story needs to be pulse-pounding and action packed. But I really would have enjoyed some energy thrown in at the onset. The shipment, though Business as Usual as the says, seems to have been valued very highly based on the description. I would have loved to have some words or thoughts from Cain as to the money he’d make from the venture, what he planned to do with that money, or any sort of excitement from him as a character to help pick it up.

Again, this would have been a great time to flesh out a bit of the crew as well. “What are you going to do with your share?” or similar conversations on deck would not only help humanize them, it would also remind the audience the risk and reward inherent in all mercantile adventures, especially on the seas. The Corone Civil War is a dangerous time for merchants, Cain thinks as much in your narration. Having this thought front and center helps create anticipation in your reader from the very beginning, and will make the outcome of their victory (or defeat, if things had gone differently) more engaging to your reader. Having him discuss reservations with a mate, or even just to overhear him from his men can go a long way.

All of Cain’s planning and his men’s work in avoiding the pirates was really good as far as built-up tension goes, but there wasn’t any payoff in emotion once the danger had cleared. They’d avoided them through misdirection, and in the very same post, they’re off on an island to resupply, right before meeting another ship-based challenge. This is all in one post, and it made things rather hard to believe. How close was the Master of Corone to them? Did it see the pirates, and had it gone after them? As I got further through the thread, I found it hard to figure out exactly how much time had passed. Only a night from losing the pirate ship to stopping at an island to resupply, and then how much time between fooling the Empire once before they were chased through the fog pockets?

Tension and resolution can be hard to get right in a story, but they are absolutely essential to make the action more enjoyable. If too much happens in one post (or chapter) it cheapens the effects of other parts where less happens. It makes them seem slower, duller, and less fun. Try to space out the resolution from one crisis and the beginning of another into separate posts, and I believe you’ll find the story becomes all the more enthralling.

Finally, Post 12 was very strange as far as resolutions go. While you’d had condolence letters written out for all the crew lost in the battle, there was no sense of grieving from any of the crew, nor celebrations from them having done an insurmountable task. their lack of a voice in all this hurt the story as a whole, because all we have to go on is your descriptions of a rather stoic captain and the matter-of-factly explanations of what would occur when they snuck into Serenti.

Character

Communication (5 / 10)

As I’ve mentioned, a lack of voice for the crew (outside post 8 where they’re given three whole questions) was sorely missed in this thread. You had an opportunity here to make the final confrontation with The Master of Corone more dreadful, more impending, and more finite. Instead, we were treated to something that I think you really need to work on.

Lists.

The way Cain spoke to his crew in post 8, and both times he spoke to Mr. Smith, is wholly unrealistic. He lists things out, bluntly, and though all of them are logical and sensible, people don’t talk like that outside structured debates or speeches. Firstly (see?) it’s a strange way to have a conversation go in real life. It misses beats, pauses, breathes, and interruptions - all of which can be used to make a scene more lively. Secondly, Cain is the captain. The way he conducted himself in the thread, with an astounding amount of idea and planning, makes me believe he is secure in his authority. When Smith chimed in not once, but twice, I didn’t expect the captain to list out every condition for fighting against the two different ships. This is informative, but not truly entertaining or believable. I expected him to be a man of his position and to tell Smith not to question him on his ship, or to give a laconic quip that would shut Smith down quickly.

Action (6 / 10)

What I’m really trying to get at here, and I’ll use action to illustrate it, is that the Cain from narration and the Cain in dialogue seemed disconnected from one and other. By all rights, considering what he had done with efficiency and confidence, Cain was not beholden to anyone, especially not Mr. Smith. In Post 8, you mentioned that the crew had some fair points, but he shouldn’t have to address those analytically. He rules on his ship, and it’s evident given everything that occurs. I’d say he might care about his men enough to give them the full and complete answer, but there wasn’t enough done in their fleshing out to make me warrant that thought.

Now, all that being said, I enjoyed the character of Cain in every given plan he brewed to help his ship survive. While I like a lot of your communication had issues, as a man of action, we got to see a more complete figure in his planning and execution. The crew did its duty with speed and efficiency, whatever task the captain set to them. And it was through this efficiency that we really got to see Cain’s strengths, not mentioned in narration or in given speeches, but by the lack of complaints or slacking on the part of his men, and the speed and expertise he’d managed to come up with solutions for problems that seemed impossible.

Persona (6 / 10)

I really enjoyed Cain when looked through the lens I mentioned above, but my complaints here arise from the complete lack of persona for everyone else. I understand that Cain is your character, and focus is undoubtedly meant for them, but he was just a single part of the story, no matter how centered.

From his men, we only get three questions from them, and all other mentions are spotting a ship or land, or responding to his calls. These aren’t so much characters as mannequins, things meant for the physicality of the world without any of the pathos or ethos I expect to see in people. Their strengths would greatly help in highlighting the strengths of your main character, and I implore you to flesh them out a bit more in your next thread. I think you’ll find that even the simplest conversations between captain and a man in the rigging will become all the more rewarding.

Prose

Mechanics (4 / 10)

There were mistakes in every post. Numerous run on sentences made it exceedingly difficult to keep track of things, especially during the heat of the final battle. I’m not sure if you went back to edit after initially posting, but if you did and still missed some of the typos, I’d highly recommend asking someone to proofread for you. I always ask it when I fear my own eyes lie as to the quality of what I’ve written. There’s a strange game the brain plays on you where you stop seeing the errors there on the page, and instead replace them with what you had intended in your head. If you want a complete rundown of errors, feel free to send me a private message.

In fact, if you ever need me to look over future somethings for proofreading, also PM me and I’ll be more than happy to give it a gander.

One more point in this, and I understand some people consider it a personal preference, but I don’t enjoy different colored text for different speakers. Dialogue should be able to stand on its own legs, assisted only be tone and manner of speech. It’s difficult to see depending on the style of Althanas used, and gets especially jarring when you use colored text not only for dialogue, but also action.

Clarity (6 / 10)

As an example of this, Mr. Smith’s colored text changed from yellow to an orange-tan depending on the post, and the yellow was used to emphasize the roaring of the pirate cannons scraping against the waves. The Boatswain went from green to red, but Cain’s stayed blue throughout. I found myself having to reread things because of it, and when that happens, pacing begins to suffer. If you’re going to use colored text, keep it consistent.

Of course, the mechanical errors (misspellings, run-on sentences, and general typos) fogged up the reading as well, but your saving grace in this thread was, again, your masterful knowledge of ships. I’ll admit to not having even a tenth of the technical knowledge you do when it comes to vessels, but I knew enough that a quick google of terms made everything so much more clear. I really do have to commend you on it.

Technique (7 / 10)

As far as literary techniques go, there weren’t too many, as I mentioned in setting. A lot of the narration felt a bit barebones, but again, the technical expertise is not something I encounter very often when reading threads on this board, or even books in meatspace. The fact that the terminology permeated throughout and consistently is deserving of the bump I’m giving your score here.

Wildcard (7 / 10)

Despite many flaws, I feel like this was a very solid first outing for a character. And, much to my surprise, I see a real strength in your grasp of nautical knowledge that can be used to such great advantage for the character. With a few more threads under your belt and a bit more work with proofreading and characterization for your NPCs, I don’t have any doubt that a JC will be in your future.

Total Score 59 / 100

Spoils
1038 EXP
140 GP

jdd2035 also receives a Cavalry Sabre, made of steel, that can be upgraded at the bazaar or in another thread, if he so chooses.

[Rayleigh]

All EXP and GP have been added!