Worst Pick-Up Line Contest

[Vorin]

Third incarnation? Fourth? Ten-Thousandth? I have no friggin' clue how many times this was created, I'm just bringing it back now and again.

The rules and guidelines, for young and old, are simple. You try to come up with the worst line ever for trying to pick a would-be mate up. Example:

"I slept with Serilliant." Now that won't get me laid, I tell ya'. More serious example:

"Are those moon-pants, because your ass is out of this world!" Yeah, they are meant to suck. Please people, post pick-up lines that defy the very laws of physics by managing to both suck and blow at the same time.

The prize? Nothing but my deepest resentment and disgust at you for being able to craft such a horrid pick-up line.

Now get to posting.

[Bearded Gnome]

"Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day!"

[nekoprince]

"Hey, can you bend over so I could horribly rape you, leave you scarred for life and emotionally unstable just so I can have my 10 second buzz before forgetting about you in an hour?"

"If I flip this coin, what are the odds I'll get head?"

[MadameBlackwater]

"You should go out with me" "why?" "Cause i have a huge D**K"

[Bearded Gnome]

"Hey, are you gonna be going to your car by yourself later? I'll be over here watching you all night."

Yeah, I know that's Dane Cook. But hey, if it ain't broke don't fix it.

[streak101]

"Do you know karate cuz yo bodies kickin'!" Not really all that bad! I got a girlfriend that way :p

[Cyrus the virus]

"You so fly, Ima slap you."

Get it!?

[Empyrean]

"How did you get through security? Because you're the bomb."

"I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

Downside to being a girl is actually getting lame-ass lines like these.

[streak101]

oh!oh! lets see....got one!

In a child's voice: "I really like you do you like me?"

[Sword-for-Hire]

"Hey, nice shoes. Wanna f***?"

[Devin Argente]

"Do you wanna go and have some pizza and then come over to my bedroom - or don't you like pizza?"

"My watch's saying you're not wearing any knickers..."
"Huh? What the... NO!"
"Ah, forgot to revert it from DST!"

"Your eyes are just so... beautiful. They could absorb me and I'd be happy for the rest of my life."
*pause*
"And that's the ugliest thing I can find about you..."

DISCLAIMER: First two are a guaranteed slap in the face. The third not so much, but it will probably evoke a glance of paranoia and cause her to move away from your obsessive glare. Or she could blush and giggle. If she blushes and giggles, you can thank me here.

[Corvus MacCallum]

"I know you think I`m below your standards and your gorgeous but lets face it...I`m the only guy talking to you and I`M the desperate one"

[Vampiric Angel]

"Santa must have came early this year, because you were at the top of my Christmas list.

So the question is..have you been naughty? Or have you been nice?"

[grim137]

"Hey baby, Wanna touch my rotslayer." (you newer members probably won't get that one).

"If you jingle my bells I'll make sure you have a white christmas."

"I'm going to make you a fish sandwhich." (Don't ask)

"Are your legs tired? They will be."

[MaxBlade]

If I told you, you hava a gorgeous figure would you hold it against me.

Excuse me, is there an airport nearby large enough for a private jet to land?

You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

How you like them appels.

Are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

That is so stupid I won't go into details.

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you instead?

[Atzar]

"That outfit looks good on you, but I'd look better."

You: "Did it hurt?"
Her: "Did what hurt?"
You: "When you fell out of heaven?"

[Look at her shirt label]
Her: "What are you doing?"
You: "Yep! Made in heaven!"

More as I remember some others.

[Lavinian Pride]

"Hey, nice shoes. Wanna f***?"

HOW DARE YOU STEAL MINE!

"Your daddy a baker? Cause you got a nice set of buns."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together."

"I like your pants, they'll look great on my floor."

"You look like my third wife..."
"Oh, really? Who is she?"
"You."

"I got a tank!" (Red vs. Blue kicks..)

[Sven]

"eh girl lemme pee yo butt."

that gets em all.

orrr "Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"

or even this "If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous."

man that one is Mcgreat.

nuff said.

[Storm Veritas]

"I want to make a Romance inside of you.

...but only if you want. Not... by force." - Borat

"Hey, come over tonight for breakfast."

"Sure I'm no Brad Pitt, but you're not exactly Angelina. Let's hump."

[streak101]

"Come on baby, once you go gnome you won't go home!"

[Vorin]

A little something from Ashiakin's favorite webcomic.

Dude: "Wanna' have sex?"
Chick: "No"
Dude: *knocks the girl unconscious* "Too bad."

[hamnat]

"How much is this platter? Cause I want it for dinner."

"Im cold...mind helping me get warm? Because you lookin hot tonight!"

"You got them fish lips. I like the fish lips. Why don't you and I go back to my place and help each other breath?"

Spontaneous to the max....I thought these up on the spur of a moment.:)

[Breaker]

Is it OK if I flirt with you?

[hamnat]

with me? no thanks....:p

[The Madd Hatter]

"How are YOU doin?"

God I love Joey.

[streak101]

*Ahem*

"I WANT TO SPLOOGE ON YOU!"

[streak101]

Dopplepost

"Hey baby nice legs, when do they open?"

[hamnat]

@Streak:you got that one from Tony Hawk, didn't you?

[The Bard]

Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?

I just shit into my pants. Can I get into yours?

You remind me of Pokemon. I just wanna piccachu.

Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. You are pretty. What I mean is... You have a nice forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I walk by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, shit, STUPID STUPID STUPID!

Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you've got nice eyes.

[Silvermaiden]

"Come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

"Are you Roman? Cuz your body looks like it was built by the gods."

"Is your dad a mason? Cuz you're built like a brick shithouse."

"Were you born in a toilet bowl baby? Cuz you are the Shit."

"Your body is like a heavenly temple. Will you let me in to worship? You'll be praising your god all night long."

"Your skin is like satin, your face is like an angel, your eyes are like sparkling jewels...plus that short skirt you're wearing is making me really horny."

Last one attributed to the show Red Dwarf.

[Séreméla]

"Your eyes are just so... beautiful. They could absorb me and I'd be happy for the rest of my life."
*pause*
"And that's the ugliest thing I can find about you..."

I actually kinda like this one. It's sweet


I had a lighter once that said "The word of the day is 'Legs' now lets go back to my place and spread the word." And another said "Kissing isn't the only thing you can do with your lips"

[Breaker]

"I believe in free love... do you?"

[Vorin]

"Hey, I'll have you know that a D- in sucking cock is still a passing grade!"

[Jasmine]

Seen on a t-shirt at JCPenney's today:
Your igloo or mine?

[Rajani Aishwara]

Hmmm.
"Let's bang."

[Sheex]

"Hey babes, you wanna play war? I lay down, you blow the f*** out of me."

[Jahl]

"Oh my god! Do you wash your pants with Windex! 'Cuz I can totally see myself in them."

he he

[Teutonic Knight]

Me:"Did it hurt?"

Girl:"What?"

Me:"When you fell down from heaven."

[Zerith]

"Alright before we get things started, I have to make something clear. Since I am male, I am cursed to never attempt a follow-up call. So with that in mind, wanna f***?"

[streak101]

"Were you raised in a barn?"

"No....why?"

"Cuz you sure know how to raise a cock."

hahaha, my friend actually used this line, and got kicked in the sensitives!

[Elijah_Morendale]

This one is one of Raziel's originals, but since he's sleeping right now, I'll do the honors.

Ahem.

"My d*** is like Webster's Dictionary. Let's go back to my place and I'll put some words into your mouth."

I'm afraid to try this one in a club, the whole "dead" look doesn't suit me.

[Nadia]

Guy: What's the strangest place you'd want to have sex in?
Girl: uhh.. a hall closet? You?
Guy: A graveyard
Girl: Eh, I don't think I'd be into that...
Guy: It's ok, you'll die eventually.



CYANIDE AND HAPPINESS! IT'S COMPLETELY STOLEN! And I don't care

[Burly Knuckles]

How could you pass on a classic like:

You know, I was actually one of the best performers at the traveling carnival. I'm a skilled pro. What? You don't believe me? Come sit on my mustache and I'll guess your weight.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Ok, it ain't that good, but....

"My favorite color is 12, what's yours?"

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry, nothing makes sense when i'm around you."

(I actually think nekoprince has the best, er... worst ones at the moment.)

Edit: just remembered one from the movie notting hill.

Seen on a teeshirt
Front side says "you are the most beautiful woman in the entire world"

Back side says "Fancy a Fuck?"

[Seth_Rahl]

God I didn't know this thread existed, or I would've posted in this a Looooooooooooong time ago.

Anyways, here's mine.

"These finger's aren't just used for writin', ya know. ;)"

[Zook Murnig]

"I'm not russian, but my fingers are."

"God, I'd love to see my Middle Pillar in your Tree of Life." Gotta love Qabalah pick-ups.

[Seth_Rahl]

"Looking at you, I kinda feel like a deer. Caught in headlights."

"My resume' includes basketball skills, baseball skills, and bedroom skills. Care to play?"

[Zook Murnig]

For those who want to pick up the guys:

"I don't play hardball. I play handball."

[Moonlit Raven]

I've gotten this once. x.x

"Hey there sweet thing, I bet you taste just like honey."

[Corvus MacCallum]

I'll chuck in one for the Old Age Pensioners.

"Oh helllllooooo.... who am I?"

[Seth_Rahl]

"Look at them tig ol' bitties!" -lmao liner

"What section would you like madam'? The
'straight on' section or the 'kinky crab' section?" --oooook that one was bad.

[Zook Murnig]

Courtesy of House: "I have a position available on my penis. Damn, I screwed up that joke, didn't I?"

[Gem]

"My therapist said I should start seeing other people, but I can't take my eyes off of you"

"I am pretty, you aren't. want to fix that?"

"C'mon, you know you always wanted to Fuck a star"


"Hi, Ho"

[NightCast]

"Hey baby, how about a blowjob?"

"For you or me?"

[Seth_Rahl]

"Secretely, I'm a robot. Turn me on."

"Hi, would you like sauce with that?"

[Corvus MacCallum]

Two for the bird watchers.

"I prefer two in the bush to one in the hand"

"One swallow dosen't make a committment"

[Skie and Avery]

Courtesy of House: "I have a position available on my penis. Damn, I screwed up that joke, didn't I?"

House, huh? So THAT'S where you got it from....

[Sonata]

Girl: "I have better hands then Jimi Hendrix and Brian May combined."

Guy: "What has two thumbs and a ten inch penis?" *points with both* "This guy!"

Either: "What do you think about the possible ramifications of a technological singularity happening within the next five years?"

Now that I think about it, the last one ain't bad.

[Crystal Suncrest]

Just thought up another.

"If all men were dicks and all women were pussies, wouldn't this world be a better place?"

[Seth_Rahl]

"Last night I had a nightmare. I dreamt that you didn't exist." -- I've actually gotten this from a girl...it was awkward, as you know I"ve been taken for a long time.

"I don't like you. I love you." This also I have heard in reality.

"Hold me now...I"m six feet from the edge and i'm thinking that maybe six feet isn't so far down." -- "One Last Breath" by Creed, I found that singing this really brings you closer, for guys.