Darkest Damnations. -Solo-

[darkest.desires.]

You know your soul is broken when you it hurts to breathe from heart break.

The sun slowly started to cascade in the dull gray sky, the air smelled of fresh rain that was due to roll in shortly. The wooded area that once would have been a haven for her to be free now held no sanctuary to her grief. The wind howled like the hollow part in her chest cavity where her heart used to be. That of course was before it have been ripped out and tapped danced upon. Simple things like getting out of bed in the morning, getting dressed, being social held no invite to pleasing the hollow shell she now was.

I should have just stayed in the hell hole that I was in before I found... Him..

The thought of him brought fresh stinging tears to her dark midnight ocean blue orbs, the burning sensation intensified as she tried fighting them. A small sob choked at her tremble plush lips, slapping a shaking hand over her mouth to force the sob back down. The warm tears spilled down her blotchy cheeks that held no heat to them, a small shiver of despair racked her body.

Just like the Heavens opened up and the rain started to fall, there she laid in the meadow as the clothing on her started to hug to her frame. First her denim skinny jeans looked painted on like a second skin, than her simple white tank top clung to her form like her life depended on it. Trembling like a single leaf in a wicked storm, she was not cold no she was numb. The trembling was from the emptiness that was slowly starting to consume her. A small whimper echoed in her mind just sending another wave of fresh pain through her body. Cord- please talk to me... After what happened, Cordelia with drew from Camille leaving her feeling that much more incomplete.

He is gone.. Just like the rest of them.. James, Josh.. Was he even really Cammy or did we just dream him up?

The mention of all the people that she had lost sent her over the edge as another sob racked through her body, this time the sound escaping. Curling up in the fetal position as the cold harsh ran be down on her tattered body. The pain in her chest was unbearable as she choked trying to force air in and out of her lungs. Black dots slowly started invading her vision as the gasping as more sobs choked her. Slowly she faded out of consciousness a picture of his lovely face invading her mind before her eyes close.

[darkest.desires.]

Gnarl..

His name echoed of the emptiness that surrounded her like the gut retching reminder that he was no longer hers. Camille felt as if she was floating stuck in the abyss of vacancy that now filled her soul. A small sob was suppressed by her plush lips, curled up in a tight ball she felt numb besides the searing pain in her chest. The love that she felt for him was now a void of nothingness that was like black tar that she continuously got stuck in. I can't.. I can't go on like this..

When the body has lack of air it tends to send a burning sensation to the lungs telling them to in hale. The brain is trying to tell the body that it needs more oxygen. That is what having a broken heart is like. A deep burning sensation that pleas the body to fix it, to extinguish the searing pain deep within. Every breath Camille drew in ignited the blazing agony once more before fizzling out slowly.

I can't live this way Cammy..

Cordelia's voice was barely audible as the wolf said the one thing that Camille had been contemplating since everything in her world had started to crumble. The ocean of ebony seemed to sway harshly after the thought of suicide crossed her mind. As if to pour acid on the gaping place in her chest a large image of Gnarl floated above her stilled/ floating body. His strong features, his sharp angular jaw line that made her knees weak. His lips that were always slightly pink, the bottom lip just a hair fuller than the top giving it a pouty look. His soft blue eyes that reminded her of the sea. His hair.. If she could just run her fingers through those silky strands one more time. Reaching out a trembling hand to touch his cheek that looked as if it hadn't been touched by a razor in weeks. Just as the tips of her fingers were about to connect to his flesh the image of him rippled at the touch of her fingers. Dragging in a ragged breath she choked out what sounded like a strangled sob.

"I- I am so sorry my love!!!"

Sobbing harder her entire body started to shake almost to the point of convulsions. In between sobs small whimpers pasted her pursed quivering lips. I just want to stop hurting.. This pain is too much.. Her thoughts turning, tumbling and stumbling over each one. She was slowly starting to feel her sanity slip from itself as she tried with all her might to coherently think of a solution. Each time Camille's thoughts only returned to the man that haunted her. As if the black pit was made of malaises she started to slowly sink in, her body being pressed tightly together. The air rushed out of her lungs as the pressure on her grew tighter, her breathing became raspy. The shaking stopped as she tried to force herself to fight against the unknown force that was squishing her. Trying to grasp at anything that would pull her out of her doomed fate.

"Help- Help me!!"

Just as her head was almost submerged she was quickly heaved out of the dreaded muck. Looking up to see who her savior was a small gasp left her lips.

[darkest.desires.]

James...

It sounded like she was hyperventilating as her twin brother pulled her to safety clutching her tightly to his chest. Pulling away from his muscular frame a sob hitched in her throat. She had to force the air in and out of her lungs as she touched his strong arms first than his shoulders, neck to his face that was similar to her own. The lower lip of hers betrayed her as it started to tremble unlocking the flood gates that were her eyes. His beautiful face blurred as the tears flowed down her cheeks freely. All the tears that she had cried Camille was shocked to think she had any left.

"Ja- James oh James I am so sorry!!!"

Clutching his face tightly so that his features were squished up in her hands that the tips of her fingers were white. The familiar voice of her brother was like her safe haven. He rubbed calming circles on her back as he whispered to her telling her everything would be okay. Finally Camille was able to breathe regularly as she pulled back just a little to see her brother's face once more. "Cammy, Cammy I am real- well really here in your mind. The Moon Goddess saw your suffering and granted that I help you." Letting what he said sink in for a few moments. The black abyss that she had been trapped in slowly faded to the beautiful meadow they used to play in. Inhaling the fresh air and the flowers soothed her tattered soul slightly. Looking around she took in the lively green ferns, wild berries, oak and maple trees along with the poppies, daisies, tulips and wild roses.

"Do you remember this place Jc, oh God you used to pick me up and spin me around till I thought I would get si-"

A warm tender hand brought her face back to staring at her brother, "Cammy, we need to talk about what is going on with you. Stop trying to avoid it all. Talk to me Cam..." His voice was slightly pleading as his light blue eyes held sorrow in them. Nervousness crept into her chest as she started to fidget with her fingers. Shaking her head vigorously at his pleading before closing her eyes tightly.

"I can't it hurts to much to talk about..."

[darkest.desires.]

The same set of warm, strong hands that had picked her up when she had fallen, wiped away her tears from heart break and shielded her from harms away. Camille's lower lips started to tremble once more as warm tears slowly made their way down her already flushed cheeks. Shaking her head she felt as if she was reliving the heart break all over again. The air in her lungs being squeezed out of her. Gasping and gulping for air she could feel her heart starting to race with panic. Gripping onto her brother's arms trying to find something stable.

"Hey Cammy, shh look at me baby girl.. Breathe with me in and out, in and out."

Her panicked dark blue orbs searched in his light blue eyes that held nothing but love for her. Sighing softly he laid her hand on his chest, mimicking his breathing with her own. Her breathing evened out as she could feel her tight chest slowly starting to loosen up. Nodding slowly she let her hand fall from his chest into her lap, closing her eyes for a moment. Letting the calmness surround her like a safe cocoon. I am okay, WE are okay Cordelia. Camille reached out to her lycan/wolf spirit only for her mind to feel completely empty. A frown sauntered across her plump lips as there was now a new emptiness in her soul.

"Don't worry Cammy, she is just hurt and withdrawn from you right now... She will come back.."

James ran his fingers through her snarled locks before a chuckle rumbled his chest. "Gosh Cam you are a mess.. Let's see what we can do to fix you up. Like maybe talk.."

Finally giving in she sat up and crossed her legs indian style taking a calming breath. Trying to think back to the day that her life came crumbling down. She couldn't remember what happened, all she could remember is Cord weeping in her head about him being gone and her heart/soul broken. Her breath started to get shaky as she chewed on her lower lip opening her eyes.

"I don't remember much of how it happened, maybe it's my minds way of protecting me but I will tell you what happened that I do remember.."

[darkest.desires.]

"I just remember waking up in the meadow, this fiery pain burning deep in my chest.. God it felt like I had swallowed acid or something burning internally.."

Her body shook slightly remembering the pain that had seeped so far it struck her core. The lump that slowly rose in her throat started to constrict her air way. Warm soothing circles made the lump slowly fade away, Camille took a calming breath as she continued. "I couldn't get my thoughts to make senses, Cordelia kept wailing in my head that he's gone, he left us.. We are all alone again.. just over and over again!" A small sob racked her through her, it almost looked like her body folded in on itself. James' strong arms embraced her as she sobbed softly, the misery and pain as if she was feeling it for the first time. "Oh Goddess it hurts so bad, I don't know if I can live with this.." Sweet words filled her ear as James whispered encouraging things between how strong she is, she could do get through this. Taking another moment to collect herself before she began once more.

"Cordelia wouldn't stop crying and sobbing so I walked aimlessly, I don't know for how long days maybe but for some reason it didn't seem long enough.. Finally it started to rain and I everything got fuzzy- I remember my body slowly dropping. I ended in this dark crater thing and felt like I was drowning until you pulled me out and now somehow we are here in this meadow.. Am I going crazy Jc?"

Looking towards her twin brother, his handsome face draped with a frown. "No you aren't going crazy Cam.. That is what happens when you are away from your soulmate for too long. The both of you will start to feel like you are going crazy but you aren't. You aren't insane Cammy your body just couldn't keep up with your mind and emotions that it shut down. You are like in a coma because your body is trying to heal itself. Listen though you are going to get up, and go to the tavern where Mer is working and get a room. Rest, wash up because you look like death itself and than you are going to cope. The Moon Goddess told me that you are going to be okay so get your ass up! Go do you hear me? Go!"

[darkest.desires.]

Go!

Camille had a puzzled expression that marred her angelic features, tilting her head slightly. Why would she leave the safety of her mind where her beloved brother was? Just because her brother or really the fake image of her brother was telling her to? Shaking her head, Camille pulled her knees tightly to her chest before resting her chin on her knees. "I am not leaving this place, whatever it is.." Her voice was soft yet audible as she glanced at her brother than the meadow. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath letting the perfume of the wild flowers fill her nose. A soft sad smile lingered on her lips as she opened her eyes only to be met with an annoyed looking twin. Dropping her gaze to her bare toes that she wiggled around having not felt the chill in the air from the rain until now. James huffed causing his chest to puff out like a bird.

"Listen Cammy I am about to get all philosophical on you, you ready? The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it. Don't you want that Rocky moment at the top of the stairs?"

The sound of laughter exploded from her causing James to look confused or maybe annoyed. "Wha- What is so funny? I thought I was doing really good with this inspirational speech.." Tears of joy yet sorrow flood down her cheeks as she rocked back on her butt before taking a big gulp of air. "I- I miss you Jc... You are the only person that I would know that would or could use a Rocky reference in a speech like that." Camille stretched out slightly before she sighed looking at her brother, he looked well- healthy. Maybe he was happy and finally healthy where ever he was. "James- where did you go after you died?" In that moment her twin brother froze for a moment before pursing his lips in thought. Standing up he paced back and forth, doing this made her know he was either avoiding the question or figuring out an answer. The silence was starting to weigh heavily on her making her anxiously fidget with the grass beneath her. Ripping the blades out one by one until her brother cleared his throat.

"Something's are better left unsaid Cammy, but know that I am where I am supposed to be. I am happy and healthy where I am at. Just please don't worry about me, okay?"

Sucking in her lower lip she chewed on it with uneasiness before slowly nodding her head in agreement. "I can't say I won't worry because you are my bestfriend and twin brother James. Though I will promise that I will try very, very hard now.." A genuine smile graced her brother's face causing her heart to soar with joy yet some sadness tainting the moment. She hadn't seen a smile like that on his face in a very long time. Nodding his head with such eagerness that she thought his head might detach from his shoulders.

"Now do me a favor Camille and wake up and face the world like the bad ass that I know you are.."

[darkest.desires.]

The faith that her twin had in her made everything more surreal that maybe she could actually learn to function without Gnarl. His name still sent a wave of misery to her soul but it didn't crush her any more. Standing slowly her legs still had the strength quality of jello from walking for as long as she had. Her knees shook like a new born fawn though with the support of her brother she was able to stay standing. Taking a shaky breath she looked at her brother offering him a nervous cackle before taking a step. Stumbling slightly she swatted her brothers hands away. Falling to her knees she sat there for a moment closing her eyes as she could feel the sting of unshed tears. I can do this, I can do this.. I know I just need to be strong...

Camille, we can do this. I know that we will always love Gnarl no matter what but we can't live half dead and half alive. James is right and you and I both know it..

The sweet soft voice of Cordelia filled her head as she almost cried out with joy, it is so good to hear you Cord.. I am so sorry you are going through this.. A soft chuckle vibrated through her head making her a bit dizzy. It's honestly okay Camille, it is WE who are going through it. I am just sorry that I with drew making you do most of it alone. A half looking smile caressed her full lips as she shook her head. "I take it that Cordelia had returned and you two are talking?" James' voice interrupted her conversation but she didn't mind as she nodded. Another smile lit up his face like a small child in a candy store causing her to smile as well. Please tell him I miss James and Abram dearly... Cordelia's voice held sadness in it that made Camille frown but she knew the feeling that her lycan spirit was feeling. "Cord says she misses you and your lycan spirit Abram..." A small chuckle that held half as much emotion as it normally did brought a confused look to her face. "We miss you too Cord, we will see you again one day love." That caused the lycan spirit to purr with happiness and acceptance in Camille's head. Good.

Finally pushing off the ground her legs seem to finally be able to hold her. Taking a few hesitant steps before she was able to trust her legs once more. After few more steps she was able to turn towards her brother, tossing herself in his embrace. His arms wrapped easily around her as he squeezed her tightly. The hug made her feel warm and safe as she sighed inhaling his woodies scent that was all to familiar. "Will I ever see you again?" Chuckling caused his chest to rumble where her head rest as he stroked her hair lovingly. "I don't know Cam but I do know I am always with you."

Nodding her head slowly she looked up at him with mixed emotions before standing on the tips of her toes. Giving her brother's cheek a gentle peck she stood there nervously. Glancing at her brother before she stepped back his arms falling away from her frame. Alright we got this.. Just open your eyes.. She wasn't sure how to get out of this place/coma that she was in. Do I just like pinch myself? Or what the hell do I do?

[darkest.desires.]

Camille sat there nervously with her eyes closed for what felt like an eternity. She felt no change though until a small drop of rain landed on her cheek. Opening her dark blue orbs to be met with a murky gray colored sky she sighed a small piece of her heart breaking. The absence of her brother just made her feel the hollow place where Gnarl was, a small sniffled came from her. With unlady like manner she wiped the back of her hand across her nose collecting all the snot. Wiping the back of her now sticky hand on her muddy, wet jeans. She wasn't sure how long she was out for but the rain had stopped for now at least, a small chill ran down her spine. A whimper echoed in the silence that loomed over her like a large bolder waiting to crush her out of existence. A crack of thunder rocked the sky like an angry bull causing Cammy to jump.

Just like that the sky opened up allowing the Heaven's sorrows came pouring down and the Earth like a sponge soaking it up. Had she already not looked like a drowned rat she surely did now. Her already tired limbs felt like dead weight as she picked herself up off the sopping wet ground. The heart ache and loneliness was eating her away as she started to truck her way towards the only person she knew would welcome her. The rain neither slowed down nor did it let up as she dragged her exhausted self towards civilization. Another crack of thunder made her yelp, clapping her hands over her ears tightly. A millisecond later a streak of lightening danced across the dark sky.

Losing a loved one is like losing a piece of your heart.. I feel so incomplete..

Wiping at her puffy red eyes another sniffle could be heard from her. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself as if it would shield her from the hollow feeling in her chest. Though she knew that she was entirely heart broken the thought of her brother's memory fired her to push forward. We need to keep moving Camille, we are too weak that our body heat is dropping faster and faster. The sound of Cordelia's voice was still monotone but held a bit of urgency laced through it. Her legs felt heavier and heavier with each step that she took. The ice cold rain beating down on her frail fleeting body still sent a small shiver rippling up her back. Right foot, left foot, right foot. Cammy kept chanting silently to herself as she lifelessly stared at her feet slowly moving one foot in front of the other. Tripping and stumbling a few times she felt twigs and leaves scrapping against her skin. Some tearing into her skin with ease like the pain that torn into her heart.

---

She wasn't sure how long it had been but Cammy knew the tavern was up ahead a few miles from the mixed scents. Camille pushed forward, her burning limbs now numb. Her aching heart still burning as fiery as her red locks. Coredlia had gone silent long ago leaving another emptiness that Camille was unsure of how to fill. Her entire life felt like a large void, a gaping mass that held no meaning. Fight Cammy, be that bad ass. The husky voice of her brother's fluttered to life though faded away just like, a match struck on a windy day. The creaking door to the tavern opened causing her to realize she had put herself on like an autopilot.

"Camille!"

[darkest.desires.]

Before the woman that was broken beyond recognition on the inside, could think she was wrapped in warm arms. As if her body knew she was finally somewhere safe, her knees gave in. "There, there love I got you. Where the hell is Gnarl, why do you look like you have been through Hell?" Meredith's soothing voice shot of question after question like rapid cannon fire. Gnarl... The only word she had caught that made her breath hitch. Toasty, chubby fingers caressed her cheeks as she was placed in a chair with a blanket draped around her. Camille blankly started at the woman that she had grown to adore, her cheeks still plump and rosy cheeks. The forest green orbs of her scanning over Cammy's face with concern. Her thin lips pressed together as she reached over the bar grabbing a clean rag to dab at one of the scraps on her cheeks.

"Camille Airanna why do you look almost as bad as the first time you walked into this tavern? Where is Gnarloc and Root? Answer me child!"

Her lower lip trembled as she could only utter one word. "Gone.."

Mer's face turned a shade of red that looked unhealthy like she was holding her breath for to long. Camille tilted her head slightly looking at the woman that was like a mother figure to her. "What do you mean they are gone?!" Her words were short and through clenched teeth. Cammy glanced down at her hands before chewing on the inside of her cheek nervously, her hands trembling slightly. Clearing her throat she took a small calming breath trying to forced the words out. "We-... I... I can't.." Her voice broke as she looked away closing her eyes tightly.

"Shhh there, there baby girl. Just tell me so I can fix the pain..."

Cammy shook her head vigorously causing droplets to fling of her dripping locks. "My vision... I can't see... Why is it so blurry?" She started to panic until Meredith gave her a confused look. "Camille, you are crying love..." Gulping air she took her trembling finger tips to her cheeks. She was met with tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably. Nodding slowly a small sob slipped passed her lips as she closed her eyes letting her head fall into her hands.

"I don't think I can honestly do this any more... I am drowning in my own sorrow..."

[darkest.desires.]

"Don't you ever say that you understand me Camille! You are going to get through this and if I ever see that asshole again I am gonna rip him apart!!" A small chuckle left Cammy as she shook her head causing Meredith to stop mid rampage. "What- what is so funny Camille?" Sighing Cammy wiped her eyes that were beyond red and puffy from all the tears she had shed. Her lovely sun kissed skin now blotchy from crying. Sniffling before she looked at the round woman that looked like she was going to tear someone to pieces. "I have just never heard you talk like that is all Mer..." Offering the motherly woman a sad smile she looked at the tavern that was rather empty, probably due to the storm.

"I think I just need to rest.. forever.."

Meredith huffed before ushering her to the middle of the bar and seating her. "Time to drink up than up stairs to wash up and rest." Taking two shot glasses she placed either or on the bar before pulling out a large bottle that was round with a large neck. The bottle was so tinted you couldn't see the liquor that was in it. "Meredith, what the hell is that?" A coy smile spread across the round woman's face as she uncorked the bottle. The strong odor of liquor assaulted her nostrils as her face twisted in disgust.

"This my dear girl will help you get over that heart ache, or will help you at least forget about it for now."

The liquid that came out was a bright green and looked almost like a poison a princess would drink in a fairy tale. Filled to the brim the bar keep slide it carefully closer to Camille. Hell if it numbs the pain I will drink the entire damn bottle. Raising the glass towards her friend before dumping it down her throat. The burning sensation hit her instantly causing her to sputter and cough. "Wh- what the hell is that!!" Pounding on her chest she coughed trying to clear her throat, the sensation left a trail of warmth from throat to the pit of her belly. Looking at Meredith to see her smiling like the Devil having not the same reaction which caused Cammy to scowl at her.

"Absinthe, you will get used to it. Takes a bit but after the fourth or fifth shot you will be doing it like a pro! Drank an entire case in a week after my husband passed."

Camille offered her a sad smile while trying to spit out an apology for her loss only to be cut off by a raised hand. "Enough, it was long ago.. Here drink." Pushing another shot towards Cammy, shivering she took the shot with the same reaction as the first. Though this time the burning didn't take her by surprise so the coughing was more of her just clearing her throat rapidly. After the next few shots they started to go down smoother and the sorrow in her heart dulled. Meredith was talking about something though Camille's eyes wondered over to the table where the love of her life and her had first met. The memory still fresh in her mind as if it had happened only moments ago.

Leaning in she kept glancing at his lips nervously licking her own. The urge to press her own pouty lips against his was a battle all on it's own. In that moment she let temptation take over as she slowly leaned in, first teasing him. Her lips barely grazing his, than crushing his lips down on hers. The hunger and passion in the kissed intensified more as she licked his lower lips asking for entrance. First he didn't allow her to enter but shortly being lost in the fiery passion he opened his mouth. Plunging her tongue in his mouth exploring his mouth before their tongues met dancing in sync. A moan was muffled from the steamy kiss and as if they were the only two there everything else seemed to have fallen away. After the kiss was broken it left her weak in the knees and craving for more. Her breathing was unsteady matching his as they gazed into one another's eyes.

Being shaken aggressively she was torn away from the beautiful memory, a small sigh parting her lips. Before she snapped out of it fully looking at Meredith. "Where were you just a second ago Camille?" Taking the shot that had been placed in front of her for a few moments now. "Heaven..." Mer simply nodded seeming to understand looking at the table before placing the two glasses in the wash bin. "I think maybe it is time for you to go wash up and rest up?"

"Yeah I think you are right..."

Camille mad her way towards the stairs but not before glancing at the table one last time. The blanket that had been draped around her now pulled tightly. She knew that Meredith had probably left the clothes in her room that she had left behind from her last stay. Opening to the door she looked at the room where Gnarl and her had shared their first night together. Closing the door behind her she inhaled deeply. His scent was still faintly here as she walked to the wardrobe before opening it finding one of his shirts. Taking it off the hanger she laid it on the bed. "This may torture me more than I care but I need to be wrapped in your scent tonight.." Glancing back at the shirt on the bed before she made her way towards the shower to bathe and rest.

[Rayleigh]

Thread: Darkest Damnations (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?30627-Darkest-Damnations-Solo)
Participant: darkest.desires. (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?18397-darkest-desires)
Judgment Type: No Judgment

darkest.desires. receives:
810 EXP
55 GP

[Rayleigh]

All EXP and GP have been added.