If Althanas members were cars, and you did a review...

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

What would you write?

Whilst we are waiting for Logan to pass judgment on the LCC, let's have some fun. Write a review for the poster above. I'll start:

Model: Groot 1.6 TDI
Year of registration: 1986
Features: Electric windows, four seater, air conditioning and magic tree air freshener

The Groot 1.6 TDI is a classic. Though 30 years old and a diesel, it can still drive like a dream and doesn't mind driving offroad or through dirt to get to where it needs to be. It's got a great fuel consumption (80 kilometers to the gallon) and is fuelled entirely on boobs. A must-own for the ordinary gentleman.

Shinsou-motoring rating: 8 out of 10

[Tobias Stalt]

Make: Vaan Osiris Industries
Model: Shinsou v3.5
Year: Pretty Worn, but far from Old.
Features: A one (wo)man ride, but tried and true. A Shinsou will get you where you're going and always have your back, fiercely commited to its rider. It's an easy fill, provided you plan on visiting your local watering hole and filling up on swill. Allowing for that, it has extraordinary resilience and puts up with bullshit well.

Tobi-motors rating: solid 9.5.

[kitsune]

MAKE: Tobi-Motors
MODEL: Stalt SSS
YEAR: 1993
FEATURES: Stainless steel undercarraige, heated leather seats, strong airconditioner, and a strangely accurate GPS system.

The Stalt SSS is a beauty to behold, especially for a 23 year old car. But don't let it's beauty fool you. It is known as the assassin car. It is believred that assassins used these cars to kill their unexpecting victims. The passanger heated seats could reach temperatures of 150 degrees while the air conditioner could reach -20. The driver seats also had the ability to form a wall that seperated them from the passangers. Because of these many deaths, the Stalt has been removed from market.

KITSUNE INC. RATING: 4.5/10

[redford]

Make: Stalt Motor Co.
Model: Tobias v9.4
Year: Appears older than it is.
Features: The Stalt 9.4 appears to lack features to the untrained eye, but anyone worth their salt with cars will know this classic only appears simple. The Tobias line has always had a knack for providing power where it counts, and the 9.4 is no slouch when it comes to that. Sporting a highly efficient engine, transmission, and drive chain, this car makes all possible use of the power it produces. Certain unnamed parties have complained at the lack of bluetooth and GPS; but when questioned on these issues, Mr. Stalt had these words as a rebuttal:
"I don't care if the car can make a phone call, when the driver steps on the gas I want him to shit his pants."

We here at Automotive reviews think that was quite adequate.

Automotive Review Score: 9.3

[Cards of Fate]

Make: Ford
Model: Red Ford
Year: Not fresh off the line, but not out of date either
Features:
With more horsies under the hood than you can shake a stick at, the Red Ded V10 is a surefire car for the everyman. Its engine purrs like a chorus of angels, but can roar like a lion when you put it to work. With a large bed, this pickup truck can haul just about anything and everything you could care to.

Automotive Review Score: 10 outta 10, best ford Truck of the Century

[loves.blessing.]

Make: Fate (ford)
Model: Fate Fusion
Year: To old for time to know
Features: The Fate Fusion is just as it sounds. It was fate for you to find and own this hunk of machine. From telling you the exact time you will arrive at your destination to charming your pants off with the lovely language this vehicle offers! Smooth rides are always promised and if there is something in the way this beautifully crafted hunk of metal will carve right through it with out a single scratch. So if you wanna know the future tests the fates and a smooth safe ride the Fate Fusion is your type of car.

Automotive Review Score: 10 for 10 with this hunky vehicle

[Tobias Stalt]

Make: Ferrari
Model: Kayenno
Year: You don't need to know to enjoy the ride!
Features: The Kayenno is a classic with a sleek body and all the right parts. You want to go fast? This baby goes fast. You want to take it slow, and enjoy the ride? It knows how to treat a classy guy like you. All the interior is just right for your comfort while you glide along the seaside road and enjoy the breeze. Not a leisure man? That's totally okay! She's as sporty as you like, able to tackle rough patches and deal with uneven roads with her incredible handling and hydraulic suspension. The perfect model for the elegant gentleman or the rough rider.

Stalt Motors Review Score: 9.9 (Because no car is perfect, but they can damn well come close!)

[Shinsou Vaan Osiris]

Manufacturer: SvO Industries

Model: Tobster Roadster X11

Features: Central locking, sound system, electric windows, coffee maker

The Tobster Roadster is the hottest rear-wheel drive on the road. Kicking out a massive 650bhp, this sleek dream machine seats two and is finished with a high quality leather interior that smells vaguely of money. It's a convertible, and comes with sunglasses and a "deal with it" cap for those top-down coastal drives. It doesn't give a shit about economy and oozes style.

The best feature about this car is its anti-burglar system, fitted by the good people at Stickdeath.com. If some asshole tries to break into the car, the doors lock and a massive iron spike ejects out of the steering wheel. Cool!

[redford]

3859

You got me, fred

[Cards of Fate]

I knew I was hearing engine revving over skype...