A Journey to Scara Brae: Part 1 Safe Passage

[Séreméla]

((Continuing from The Labyrinthine (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=2688&page=2)))


The wounds on Séreméla’s arms began to burn again as she felt the poison infusing with her blood. The words of the ancient drow echoed in her mind. She shook her head and knew what she had to do, but she knew little about the time of the Tap and she had no idea on how to gain information about it.

She wandered along the Testhan River hap hazardously, not really knowing how she would get to the island of Scara Brae from where she was. She knew she had an entire ocean to cross before being able to set foot on its warm land. Séreméla heard the sounds of twigs breaking behind her and quickly spun around to see what had created the noise. Dark shadows in the tree lining were all that she could see. The images seemed to be in human form with large sticks.

Quietly Séreméla ducked down and moved behind a large rock near the river’s bank. She waited patiently with her hand on the handle of her sword, not knowing exactly how many there were or if they were friendly. As they stepped through the trees, Séreméla was able to count five men in total. They all wore tattered clothing and talked in an unfamiliar language.

The men stopped at the river’s shore and looked down into the water with their spears drawn back then jabbed at the water quickly each pulling out a fish. As they all noticed their catch they cheered and took the fish off then placed them in bags attached to their hips.

Séreméla was still unsure of the men and didn’t know quite what to do, but she felt that they seemed harmless enough. Cautiously with her hand still on her blade she stood up from her hiding spot.

“Hello, I'm Séreméla.”, she said in a firm but not threatening tone. The men all stopped their cheering and looked at her with surprised looks. “I was wondering if any of you might be able to help me.”

She continued, still with no response from the men. “I need to get to Scara Brae and if any of you had a boat I would be willing to pay you for the travel.”

They all stood there with a long moment of silence, and then one of them spoke out. “Forgive me Miss, where are my manners. You see these men do not speak Common. That is why they bring me along, because I am a translator of many languages. I am Maileic and these fine men are…well it doesn’t really matter what their names are now does it? Since they can’t understand a thing we say. Ha ha ha, frankly, the one in the middle is a little bit of a jackass, but we don’t tell him that.” The man began to laugh knowing that she was the only one able to understand a word he was saying.

Séreméla laughed a little too and then continued with her question. “But do any of them have boats that I might be able to buy passage on?” She asked.

Maileic stood there for a minute, and without asking the men he answered her question. “Nay, these men are all poor hunters like myself, but in our village there is a man that has in his possession a boat. Maybe he would be able to help you?”

Séreméla nodded with a smile and walked closer to Maileic as he said something to them in their own language. They all shrugged then went back to fishing as Maileic began to walk back into the woods with Séreméla following behind.

[Séreméla]

They walked in silence for what seemed like twenty minutes before Séreméla saw through the brush a small village with people moving about in the midday. As they reached the edge of the tree line, Maileic waited for Séreméla to be next to him and then continued into his home village.

Many of the women and children looked at Séreméla with curious glances, but only for a brief moment, then they continued with their daily tasks. Everywhere Séreméla could tell that the village was a lower class community. Even so, they all seemed content with their living style. They stopped in the middle of the village in front of a somewhat larger building then the other small wooden shacks. It had a kind of important glow about it.

Maileic walked up to the door and knocked three times then waited for a response. A young man dressed in middle class clothing answered the door. Maileic bowed his head slightly and began to talk to the man in their own language every once in awhile gesturing at Séreméla. After a few minutes of talking, the man nodded and gestured for them to enter the building.

As they walked in Maileic began to explain to Séreméla what was going on.

“He is the one I told you about that might let you buy passage. He is the lord of our small village and can sometimes be weary of outsiders.

The inside of the building seemed somewhat cramped with furniture, clothing, and the usual house hold items. Even so, Séreméla could tell that most of the things scattered through the room cost more than most people in this village could afford. The owner stopped the turned around and stared at her for some time then began to speak in his own language to Maileic.

After he was done talking Maileic turned to Séreméla and began to translate.

“He wants to know where you are planning to buy passage to and how much you are willing to pay for his services.”

She cautiously covered the marks on her arms making it seem like she was sheltering herself from the cold. “I need passage to Scara Brae,” she said while opening her small money pouch and began counting, “and I only have about two hundred gold pieces.” Maileic nodded at her and then turned back to the man and relayed the information.

She waited patiently as the two talked again.

[Séreméla]

Maileic shook the man’s hand then asked Séreméla for her gold pieces. She handed them over to Maileic who placed them with the man. “You have made a very good deal with this man Séreméla. As long as there is gold involved this man will be your best friend. He does however wish to know when you want to leave?”

Séreméla looked at both men and thought of the poison flowing through her body. “Now would be best.” She said quickly.

“Now it is then!” Maileic said then relayed the message. The man walked out of the room to gather some items and left Maileic and Séreméla alone.

He looked at the nervous girl for a short while then began to talk. “So why are you wanting to go to Scara Brae? There’s not much there for a girl like you.”

She hesitated to answer his question, but she felt he was going to be traveling along with them for a translator and he might as well know now. She pulled the book she had gotten out of her bag and handed it to him.

As soon as Maileic’s eyes brushed over the symbol he immediately dropped the book and stumbled backwards.

“What in the name of the gods are you doing with that?” He said in a frightened voice.

“What does it mean?” She asked picking up the book.

“It is a symbol of great power whether it is good or evil is in the wearer’s heart. Have you ever heard of the War of Tap and The Forgotten Ones? Story has it that The Forgotten Ones were destroyed by the Eternal Tap, the most power magic known to this world. Other stories indicate that not all of the Forgotten Ones were destroyed and lie dormant until time comes when their followers gain the strength to bring them back. How did you come across this book?” He asked in a frightened voice.

Séreméla thought for a moment, trying to remember all of the stories she had been told by her parents. Her eyes widened as she realized what was now happening to her. The Forgotten Ones were still alive and are after the Eternal Tap, and she has the map to it all!

Her body began to feel weak with the knowledge she had just learned. Her knees crumbled underneath causing her to fall to the ground and faint.

[Séreméla]

When Séreméla awoke, Maileic and the other man were standing above her. The man was now raising his voice at Maileic with the sight of the book on the floor. Maileic was trying to calm him but it was no use. Maileic bent down and held out his hand for Séreméla. She grabbed it and pulled herself up.

The man looked at Séreméla with a sort of angry look.

“He’s not going to let us use his boat now is he?” She asked Maileic. She picked up the book and placed it back in her bag without his answer. Séreméla looked the man in the eye and something new in her snapped. She felt the poison in her veins more than she had before. It was as if it was changing her inside.

Her hand grabbed her sword and held it against the man’s neck. She didn’t know what she was doing. She began speaking without even meaning to to Maileic.

“Tell him he will give us his boat, or he will give us his life.” Her voice had changed slightly to the raspy sound of the ancient drow. Maileic looked at her with a sort of horror in his eyes.

“Now!” She screeched. Maileic quickly translated and the man just nodded. Séreméla pushed the man back with her blade and made him fall to the ground. “Keep the gold; we have no need for it.”

She pushed past Maileic and walked out of the building. He followed quickly behind her.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” He asked.

Séreméla stopped for a moment and collected herself.

“What just happened?” She asked in her normal voice. A pain shot down her arms from the bites. She pulled her sleeves up and saw green streaks running up and down her arms from the puncture wounds.

“What is that?” Maileic asked. She quickly covered her arms back and began walking again. They aren’t just watching me, they are becoming me.

“Séreméla, what is going on here? Answer me.” Maileic said catching up to her and grabbing her arm. She pushed him off.

“Just get me to the boat and I will explain there.” She said.

They both walked in silence reaching the edge of the village when a voice called out behind them.

“Stop those two!” The sound of men running could be heard all around. Maileic pulled Séreméla’s arm and began running towards the river.

[Séreméla]

They reached the river Séreméla could see the boat up ahead and hear the villagers behind them. The boat was a medium-size wooden boat with a small cabin at the bow.

“Hurry!” Maileic said to her as they got to the boat. They stepped on and Maileic pushed off from shore, then ran to grab the oars and handed one to Séreméla and they both began to row. A small shower of arrows rain down on the boat barely missing both of the occupants, Maileic looked at Séreméla with a look of despair.

“I have nothing left because of you. They will never let me come back.” He said then looked forward and continued to row. “With that being said you owe me an explanation.”

The current of the river caught the boat and the two were allowed to stop rowing. Séreméla took the ancient book out of her bag and placed it on her lap. Her fingers traced the symbol on the cover, feeling every little groove and turn.

[Séreméla]

“Before I found you and your friends in the forest, I came from the Ahyark Mountains. A storm a week ago opened up the doorway to an ancient tomb. I went to the tomb to investigate them and ended up being attacked by a small force of ancient drows.” Séreméla put down the book and lifted her sleeves up showing the fang marks from the cobras. “Needless to say they won and brought me to their master. His two pet snakes decided they would inject me with poison and he gave me the book telling me I had one year to find what the map leads to and bring it back to him or I would die a very unpleasant death.”

“He is one of the Forgotten Ones isn’t he?” Maileic asked.

“I think so, now I can either die or help destroy the world.”

They were beginning to meet the mouth of the sea that was between Salvar and Scara Brae. As they entered the mouth the boat began to lose its momentum and they both began to row again.

“I can’t in good conscience let you do this, you know that?” Maileic said as he put down his oar once again.

Séreméla looked at him with a blank stare. “Just get me to Scara Brae and then you can leave me alone.” She had a feeling something was about to go wrong.

He stood up carefully in the boat as it rocked a little. He pulled a large steel dagger from a hidden spot and pointed it at her. “I won’t help you aid one of the Forgotten Ones.”


Please, I don’t want to do this.” A sharp pain shot up her arms as she placed down her own oar. She could feel the poison going through her body again as her hand grabbed her own sword. She tried to release it, but her hand’s grip wasn’t controlled by her own body. The steel blade glistened in the winter sun.

Her body forced her to stand. Maileic looked at her with a completely different look. She could see why as she stared into his eyes.

Her own eyes began to glow a bright green, the same green as the streaks on her arms. “Please,” she said as her voice slowly began to change back to the raspy sound of the Ancient Drow.

He raised his blade at her and readied for battle, but it was too late. Her arms lunged forward; she felt the flesh meet her blade as it cut its way deep inside of Maileic. He gasped for air as blood slowly trickled down the side of his mouth. She pulled the blade out with its now new coat of crimson liquid.

Maileic stumbled back making the boat rock more. “Maileic!” She said as the green disappeared from her eyes and the pain disappeared from her arms.

He fell overboard making a somewhat large splash in the water. Séreméla quickly rushed over to the side and watched as his body was engulfed with water. Bubbles of red air rose up all around the boat making the water around her blood red. She dropped her sword which made a clinking sound on the wooden floor. She began to cry.

[Séreméla]

The boat seemed to float farther away from the darkened water. Séreméla could still see her own face in Maileic’s eyes. The green blaze that came from her eyes was not her.

He was going to try and stop you, trying to stop me!

“But he was a good person”. She said to herself while wiping her tears away.

Hear me now; if anyone or anything tries to stop me, including you, it will die. Now go to Scara Brae and bring me my books.

She looked back at the disappearing blood spot on the water then turned and looked towards Scara Brae. A small, very distant image of an island could be seen. The sky was clear and the water seemed calm.

Séreméla stood up and walked towards the small cabin at the other end of the boat and opened the door. The small room was filled with nothing more than just a bed with some clothing and sheets. She looked to the side and saw a metal box with a lock on it. She took out her sword and slashed at the lock and it split in two. She pushed the lid up and saw that it was filled with gold pieces. Séreméla picked up the box and poured out the gold pieces on the bed.

The last thing that fell out was a small jewel. Its red luster made it seem almost as if it was a small ruby. Without counting the gold, she put the gold and the jewel in her bag then walked out of the cabin and closed the door.

She sat down again and picked up her own oar, then began to row towards Scara Brae.


I know this quest is only 7 posts long and doesn't meet the word count number for a completed quest, but I am sending it in for a quick judging only to get the spoils because I need them to go through the second part of this quest. I ask that there be no score for this thread because I will be putting a link in here when I start the new quest so the two can be scored together. So if you can just help me with the spoils then that's all I need from this.

Spoils: The wooden boat stolen from the man in Salvar. It is about thirty feet long and about five feet wide. It will be used to get to Scara Brae and then from the docks of Scara Brae to the Liviol Sanctum. It will not be allowed to be sold until Séreméla reaches level two. However it may be upgraded.

The gold found in the metal box, whatever amount you are willing to say is in there, if it is possible I would like it to be around 500 but it is completely up to you.

Finally, the small ruby found in the box, about half an inch wide in all directions. Will be sold in the bazaar so if you want the size smaller that is fine.

[Letho]

Judgment time...


I have to admit that your request is rather unusual. From what I could gather, you need a quick judging of this quest just to get the spoils from it, but you plan to include this quest in the judging of the follow-up as well. The way I see it, you would get the rewards from the same story twice, and I’m afraid I can’t allow that. So here’s what I’ll do. I’ll handle this quest as any quest below 10 posts/10,000 words, giving you a few general pointers and approving some of the spoils. You can include the quest in your follow-up, but the seven posts from it won’t be added to the final post count. I think that’s rather fair.

Now, as for the quest itself, it’s rather obvious that it was a mere transition story, a piece of writing that would get your character from point A to point B and acquire her the necessary spoils. Unfortunately, it’s also very obvious that you approached it as such, not giving it your best. You can do better then this; I know, I read some of your other work. It would perhaps be more beneficial if you made a jump from Salvar to Scara Brae without this little escapade with the hunters and the village. You couldn’t summarize what happened in a prologue post before you went on with your story in Scara Brae. That way, the reader would still get all the information necessary and you could simply consider that she did get all the stuff you requested as spoils. I mean, the things you use in quests don’t have to always be spoils. You could acquire something at the very beginning and have it through the entire quest, or lose it somewhere along the way. In short, making a quest simply for getting some stuff usually doesn’t give the best results.

Because of that, there was very little character development or any real depth to the story. I would’ve liked to see more setting, more personality. If I didn’t see that the thread is in the Salvar subforum, I probably wouldn’t know that it takes place in that region. Same goes for the characters, both PC and NPC. Even if it’s just a simple acquisition quest, you should always try to breathe life into it with some specific details and descriptions. Also, some foreshadowing would’ve been nice. I couldn’t possibly comprehend what was up with Séreméla until she spoke with the strangely helpful hunter. I know you provided the link to your previous quest, but people will seldom want to read through the entire previous story just to catch up with the present one. Try to give some subtle hints in your narration about what happened prior to the current events.


As for the spoils... I did some editing that I think would be fairer for a story this short (edits are in RED).

Spoils: The wooden boat stolen from the man in Salvar. It is about thirty feet long and about five feet wide. It will be used to get to Scara Brae and then from the docks of Scara Brae to the Liviol Sanctum. It will not be allowed to be sold at all. However it may be upgraded.

The gold found in the metal box (300 GP)

Finally, the small chipped ruby found in the box, about half an inch wide in all directions. Will be sold in the bazaar so if you want the size smaller that is fine.


On top of that, Séreméla gets 250 EXP


EXP/GP added!