Workshop: The Warden of the Wastes [Archive]

Shinsou Vaan Osiris

12-13-16, 12:02 PM

Name of Completed Thread: The Warden of the Wastes (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?31184-The-Warden-of-the-Wastes/page2)
Name of Author: BlackandBlueeyes
Type of Thread: Quest
Thread Length: 10 posts
Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP
Date Closed: 13th January 2017

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Mari

12-19-16, 12:45 AM

Setting

My only gripe is the 4th post in; where it changes perspective it took me a few paragraphs to realise and I had to go back and re-read it again. It was then I noticed at the very tippy top of the post were the lines ----- I would recommend lowering them just a tad, as if I had seen them the first time around, I'd have realised straight away that this was a break, and not from Madisons POV or from something happening elsewhere, etc.

Beyond that, I enjoyed how the setting was always mentioned, be it in part or in detail. Reminding the reader of where they were, and how shitty the weather is and the circumstances in which Madison, Hyperion and good ol' Boris found themselves in.

Pacing

I don't have much to say on pacing. Madison was able to shove a LOT of information into a 10 post thread. It was a good read. I personally had to read the thread twice, as I slowly made sense of it all, having no understanding of the lore, the war, or reading the nuclear option which this was based off. (I feel I should have read it, but I am also judging this thread as is)

Beyond that I enjoyed it, the story wasn't dragged out - and there was always something happening to keep me interested.

Character
Madison is an interesting person. She seems to both love and hate what she has done, and is capable of. This thread showed many facets of Madison. From her simply wanting to find information, to completely falling into a bloodlust fuelled rage which was egged on by Pode.

This, I both loved and disliked: for I feel that Madison is normally much stronger willed than that, however; after being out in the wastes for what I assume has been a very long time I can see why she'd be on her last nerves and snap the way she did.

After her rage subsided and she came to her senses it was disheartening to see Madison soo, broken and in pain, my sympathies really went out to her.

Hyperion has such a naive innocence to her. Being Madisons creation and all her world view is limited, but she is an extremely adorable and well fleshed out character. NPCs sometimes have little to no depth but Hyperion may as well be another player entirely with how well written her emotions, actions and reactions are. She is a rock for Madison and I enjoy her very much so.

Persona

Madison Sass/ 10

I love it. I love her sass, and I love how the inward thought process makes light of the RP situations as a sort of semi 4th wall breaking thing.

Prose
Not many people write in first person, and even fewer people write in first person well. BaBe does both of these exceptionally well. He effortlessly manages to articulate Madisons thoughts and actions without it feeling broken

Another point to make; I love the descriptors used when Madison describes things, just like below. It paints a vivid and entertaining picture.

It was something about the tone of her voice. It held anger, disappointment, and resignation. In that moment, I could see Elmirah for who she really was. She was a warmonger, driven by hate and revenge. Frustrated at the death of one lord and the apparent anemic nature of the next, the Spellsinger wanted nothing more than to burn down the world. This was the monster who nearly torched Eluriand with her ranks of undead mages, reveling in the destruction she caused wherever she went. And now she was nothing more than a caged animal, starving and chomping at the bit, desperately wanting to be unleashed on the world once more.

Wildcard
I am placing this in wildcard, because this is purely from my own satisfaction at the way this character and the interactions with the guard was written.

Elmirah raised her right hand into the air, a swirl of fire forming in the palm of her hand. "Open this fucking gate right now, or I swear I'll burn it down!"

The guard simply looked up into the sky as rain pelted his gray flesh. "In this weather?"

The Spellsinger screamed, and suddenly there was a violent pop! from on top of the outer wall that surrounded Trenycë. A flash of fire, a spurt of dark viscera, and the collapse of a freshly dead again body. I simply stood there and allowed her to have her childish fit of rage. Wouldn't do me any good to come all this way only to interrupt her and find every inch of my self on fire. Again.

I love it when the setting/weather etc, etc, is included in posts - and this is just a point where it hilariously was inserted. Fire + Rain = not so effective.

Finally, this - which had me cackling with laughter.

The soul shards flared to life, sending wave after wave of malice through my vines. I welcomed their warm embrace. I could tap into them and mutilate that purple-haired cunt so badly that her skin would burst like a ripe melon and decorate the streets of this hellhole with viscera--

In and out. In and out! In and out, dumbass, you're losing control--
----

Overall I find it incredibly hard to fault BaBe at much of anything, he is an established writer who takes time and places a lot of care into their posts (unlike me :P )

The Warden of The Wastes is a interesting read.