~A call for Blood.~

[Lexxum_Vordic]

(Open to one level 1-2 combatant. First come first served.)

Blood.

It coursed the my veins burning hot like an inferno.

The very rage of Fallien herself.

The blood was my curse, the blood had become my weapon. And now, the blood was calling for more blood.

I thirsted for bloodshed since I was born on the battlefield.

My people were born to combat and bred for warfare.

To die by the sword, that was the credo of my people. And that would become my mantra.

This is my story.

From the dark, Lexxum Vordic detached himself staring at the ugly tribute of warfare that the men of Althanas created. It was ugly in Lexxum's, eyes. The mockery of true warfare and bloodshed. Lexxum looked at the old building, with it's long history of blood, and sighed. If this is what I must do to satiate The Blood God. It shall be done. The tall lizardken maneuvered through the crowd of people. Fanatics all, who worshiped war. It was fitting that the ugly building would continue to host battles for the pleasure of a perverse society. A society that had lost touch with it's basic instincts of warfare and violence.

The need for survival.

Lexxum spotted the tiny monk looking at him with a mischievous smile on his face. Lexxum of clan Vordic looked at the Monk and nodded with false respect. He walked slowly towards him. A noticeable limp on the lizardken's walk. He'd been missing for a long time. Since the old wars of Althanas antiquity. The Monk had a certain look on is face, one that Lexxum did not necessarily like. But he would endure the tiny Hume's falseness for as long as he needed to conduct his business. And Lexxum's business was warfare.

Lexxum paused his gigantic stature in front of the Monk. "It has been some time, robed one."

"Have not seen one of your folks 'round these parts for a long time." The monk said calmly. He was looking up at the massive beast before him. "You used to frequent these parts, my Father told me stories about you." The Monk said, there was that grin again. "You Fallien folks always interested me greatly."

Lexxum Vordic nodded. "I'm not here for pleasantries, robed one."

The Monk kept the smile on his face. "No need for such seriousness, but I totally understand. You want a chamber with your usual conditions?"

Lexxum thought about it for a moment. "Surprise me. I want one challenger, I've been missing a long time. Time to appease The Blood Gods." Lexxum limped after the Monk and kept a careful distance away from him. The limp was an injury he'd recovered from a long time ago. The old warrior was a veteran of his people. His scales were coloured a deep crimson stain as were his glowing eyes. They had a certain consistent fury in them. In all, the massive creature was a sight to behold and he was there for one sole purpose.

To appease the Blood God.

(You are free to make an arena for us. Open to one.)

[jdd2035]

Cain had spent several months chasing a particular Xebec pirate ship before a heavy storm and bad luck separated the two ships. But now he was back in the Port of Radasanth. He felt the need to take his mind off of the loss of his pray and to release some aggression. To that end he made his way up to the citadel with his hands placed firmly behind his back.

He touched his knuckle to his tricorn to a near by monk and the monk bowed. "Good Afternoon!" Cain said in his sea faring voice that could be heard over a full broadside. The monk smiled and said "Greetings to you Captain Jodin if I were to guess you are here to take part in one of our competitions."

Cain smiled "You have guessed correctly. Easy as kiss my hand." He said his mood already beginning to brighten.

The monk grinned "We shall set you up with something...fun" the way the monk said fun was not menacing but felt more mischievous. The monk then promptly lead Cain to a specific door that lead to an arena occupied by...a lizard?


The scene soon shifted from a blank slate to something more fitting the two polar opposite opponents. It was a tattered and ruined Colosseum, the floor was a fine white sand surrounded by marble pillars which were covered in vines. The occasional tuft of grass or weed popped up here or there and the entire setting smelled of olives and grapes.

Cain was ready as he could be in his tricorn hat, number one sea coat. He had around his waste a weapons belt with a pair of flintlock pistols, and a cavalry saber.

Cain considered the options and smiled shouting "Fill your hands!!!" drew his cap locks and fired at the reptilian creature as he darted to the nearest crumbled wall.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

As soon as the magics of the Monks were done, Lexxum took in a moment to observe the world that would become the battle field. Immediately, Lexxum Vordic caught the scent of someone who was one of those daft sea-folks. Lexxum noticed the man was heavily armed, and wore a fancy coat. Never seen that sort of attire of before. But then again, I must appear just as strange to him. The sea folk spoke and Lexxum didn't bother with pleasantries.

Lexxum's burning red eyes locked on the form of his opponent. The man seemed skilled and Lexxum would have to remember to thank the Monks later for sending him a worthy foe. Lexxum kept a prayer to the Blood God in his mind so he could concentrate on the battle at hand. Then, Lexxum noticed the sort of weapon that his opponent wielded. One of them engineered items likely. Lexxum had never actually seen a gun in action before. Lexxum wondered how strong his scales had gotten at that point and decided he would test it. Lexxum's drawing hand went to his majestic sword, Tap Reaver. The weapon was won long ago during a deadly adventure.

At the same time, once his opponent had fired his weapon, Lexxum covered his vitals with his scaled forearm. The steel bullet whistled through the air with tremendous force and ferocity, and clashed against his scale armoured forearm. There was an explosion of scale, steel shell and gun powder. The massive force of his opponent's weapon caused Lexxum to get pushed backwards several paces from the weight of the steel bullet. Black blood trickled down from the injury to his forearm, but in all, his scales had successfully intercepted the bullet. However, the injury to his forearm was quite deep and the bullet's shell still reflected light as it got buried in his forearm. But his scaled armor had done it's job. Lexxum licked his lips at that point.

He drew his mighty weapon, Tap Reaver, the gigantic claymore was strapped across his back.

It had a glow about it's plynt metallic surface, meaning it was enchanted.

Lexxum had won the weapon long since prior.

He held the mighty sword with the tip facing towards his opponent. Then, Lexxum charged forward. He wasn't extremely fast, but it would do. He covered ground quickly between himself and his opponent and prepared to perform an underhanded slash towards his opponent. He aimed for the man's legs attempting to hack at one of them. It was a downward slash, and his weapon glowed with a trail of light. He aimed for the middle of the man's thighs hoping to connect with that so he could begin tearing his opponent apart.

I must satiate the Blood God... The scent of gun powder now filled the air as Lexxum's black blood trickled downward from the injury. Scales were also on the ground from the armoured lizard folk.

[jdd2035]

The bullets struck home damaging the creatures fore arm and wrist but nevertheless it still plodded toward Cain. Had he had time Cain would have reloaded but as it stood even being quicker than normal he didn't have enough time to reload. He ran through his options he could drop his pistols and go for close quarters with his cavalry saber but matching strength against strength against an eight foot lumbering creature didn't seem the wisest move but it seemed like the course of action that the creature wanted to take.

The creature continued its charge with a massive two handed sword razing into the air and down it came right for his thigh. It was a simple maneuver used to quickly cripple Cain and end the fight. It was not going to work this time Cain slid his foot back and turned his body letting the creatures massive sword dig into the sand of the coliseum. Flipping his pistol and grabbing it by the barrel he used the butt of the gun as a bludgeoning weapon hammering the lizards wounded forearm with it. After any damage he could further do to the creatures fore arm was done he scrambled up the side of the wall he had darted off to.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

Lexxum flinched as the speedier Hume attacked.

His injured forearm was hurt, but it wasn't a terrible injury. His scaled and armoured hide served well to protect the behemoth. Lexxum narrowed his eyes when his opponent broke off in a dash towards the crumbled walls. Sighing at that point, Lexxum studied the behaviour of his foe. Knowing full well that his own attack had missed...Lexxum decided on a different approach all together. The marble walls and structures of the old building were worn with the effects of time and natural forces. Lexxum watched his opponent scurry up the wall like a rat. Lexxum took a few steps forward, closer towards the wall his opponent currently climbed.

The sun blazed overhead and there were no clouds to provide the cover of darkness.

Lexxum Vordic readied his weapon, Tap Reaver and decided he would test it's power against the time worn marble.

Lexxum pointed the weapon in Cain's general direction and the power from the Tap energies began to build up. It took a moment or two, and his foe had gotten higher up the structured wall. Once Lexxum had gathered sufficient power, he launched his attack...a blast of pure Tap energies and saw the volley flared outwards towards the wall. Lexxum growled as he launched the Tap energy attack at the wall that his opponent was climbing. He expected the old fortifications would fall at the hands of such devastation, considering how ancient the marble was. The blast of energy spiraled forward, through the air, and did impact against the marble structure. There was a moment of silence, and the wind seemed to halt at the presence of such vile Tap energies.

Then, the reaction occurred.

Lexxum smiled when he saw the glowing wall explode from the ferocity of his attack. It was a chain reaction, and that portion of the wall immediately began to fall. Glowing energy and super-heated marbled crumble from the point of impact. At that point, Lexxum readied Tap Reaver once more and waited to see the effects his attack would have on his opponent. Lexxum stared at the rat as he attempted to escape the behemoth's wrath. Lexxum weapon, Tap Reaver, glowed with tremendous energies.

As he stood there, he heard noting but a fire roaring in his mind.

The fires burned.

[jdd2035]

~Well now, this beast is tougher than I thought~ was Cain's first thought as as the creature shrugged off further damage to his wounded arm. The wall Cain was scrambling up was about ten feet tall and and as he reached the summit of it he looked down just in time to see the creatures sword release a powerful burst of energy into the wall followed by its inevitable crumble and fall from beneath him. Cain fell landed on the sand and rolled over the rubble. His back and shoulders were bruised and he felt the stinging of a nasty burn crawl up his face to his already partially blown off ear, but from the neck of his number one sea coat town seemed unscathed thanks to the multiple layers of his number one sea coat.

The fire had spread in between Cain and his opponent temporarily separating the pair and he thought t was time for some sort of caper and even though he didn't have much time to think he still had a moment or two.The lizard had a magical sword a decided trump and if it was using it now it possibly meant that it either felt out class or was more used to sheer brute force. Either way it meant that Cain had to be resourceful to win this fight. Cain shifted his now grim and ugly visage into a fierce grin. Reaching into a spot under his sea coat he produced two white packages of something about the size of his thumb and two inches in length powder charges and tossed them into the fire near the lizard. Moments later there were two sharp loud !pops! near the creatures feat. Sand smoke and flames flew up in a cloud and when the smoke cleared Cain had disappeared behind one of the pieces of ruined building.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

There was a loud ringing in Lexxum's ears after the twin explosions sent him flying backwards.

Lexxum was not terribly fast, he was strong though. At that point, he landed on the ground a few feet away. Standing up after he'd gathered himself, Lexxum considered his options. He knew he would have to focus at that point to do any real damage to the speedier enemy. Tap Reaver will have to wait to be satiated... Lexxum considered. He'd suffered injuries from the popping explosions, but they were not terribly serious. Lexxum felt some sharp debris from the grenade like weapons that his foe had thrown.

He looked down and noticed several small spots were embedded with shrapnel.

At that point, Lexxum placed Tap Reaver in it's scabbard across his back. The massive weapon was not the correct way to approach the battle. Instead, Lexxum opted to use his sharp claws. They were as sharp as steel and would server him well. He extended his claws and felt them grow to their full length. At that point, Lexxum gathered himself and spotted his opponent using his sensory grid. There were some small fires here and there as a result of the blast that Lexxum fired off into the wall.

Lexxum looked up at the sky for a moment...

The afternoon sky was still blue and they had plenty of time before the night time hours arrived.

He returned his hateful eyes back towards his opponent. At that point, he decided to attempt to engage in close quarters combat. Covering the ground between himself and his foe, Lexxum ran as fast as he possibly could given his limp. He was big, and was able to cover some significant distance quickly. Not as fast as the speedier warriors of Altahnas, but still capable of a decent run. Lexxum's powerful calve muscles bulged as he pounded the ground. His eyes were locked on his opponent's position. He didn't need to lock eyes with the warrior, only to know where the man's position was. Lexxum suddenly decided not to run directly at his opponent.

Instead, he broke off into a sprint at a sharp and sudden angle.

Lexxum was attempting to work his way around his opponent....

He could feel his padded feet slam against the ground as he ran. He decided, at that point, he needed to become faster because of his massive size...

And so, Lexxum attempted to reposition himself so he could get behind his foe more or less.

[jdd2035]

Time is what made some one like Cain such a force to be reckoned with. Give him a moment he's good, give him a minute he's great. The creature was hunting him now that meant that the creature could at any moment ambush his hunter. His flintlocks were still loaded and he had the empty powder charge papers in his hand. Cain smiled his charred skin crackling and flaking off he had an idea.

Sliding down to the floor of the Colosseum he filled the empty charge papers full of sand and tucked them in his pocket. Now a predator will hunt and when you run that encourages said predator to make chase. Cain was a predator he hunted pirates and enemy ships in the Riaeran sea and beyond he knew the instinct well. He also knew the instinct of when the prey would turn and fight. It could make an unaware predator pause.

The creature had sheathed its massive sword and began a more carnal kind of stalk for him. Cain drew his cap-lock and cavalry down on his stalker aimed at his potential attacker and fired. The shot was at distance Cain new that his intention to frustrate his enemy just as much to wound it. With the smoke still rolling from the muzzle of his pistol he waved the "come on" signal at his opponent flipped his pistol gripped its barrel and then charged at a blinding speed. He struck with his empty pistol first followed by his saber.

The creature was not the only one with a magical sword Cain's how ever had been imbued with lightning and the creature was going to be in for quite the shocking surprise.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

As Lexxum moved towards Cain, he saw the man begin to prepare his pistol again.

Not...this...time...

Lexxum then decided to do something extremely psychotic. He released the mental locks of his mind, and opened the flood gates of the power that rested in his dark soul. The power swelled forth and Lexxum let out a mighty roar. He is not the only one playing dirty... Lexxum ducked just as he heard pistol's shot fire off another of those damned bullets. However, as he ducked down quickly as he could, Lexxum's physical body transformed. Spikes, armoured and deadly jutted out of his scaled carapace. The spikes were long and thick as Lexxum access his latent ability: The Rage.

As he transformed his previously red scales became obsidian black in colour.

His muscles popped and tore as the spikes jutted out of them making the creature appear even more frightening than before.

Lexxum's clawed talons gripped the hot earth beneath him and he stared directly at his opponent as the man began a run forward.

The bullet, whistled through the air and clipped Lexxum's shoulder. A spike or two was broken off by the powerful steel bullet. But any serious damage was avoided that time as the spikes began to grow and manifest. Lexxum was on all fours as he looked at the man's approach. Play by my rules...creep. The monster within Lexxum thought with psychotic rage. Many men oft accepted a losing battle, but not Lexxum. Lexxum was no ordinary man. No. He intended to win.

And right as the slash from the man's sword was coming in...Lexxum suddenly attacked.

He was on all fours and decided to revert to simplistic and beast like tactics.

Before the sword actually could connect, Lexxum leaped forward with all the might he could muster...he was aiming for the man's exposed neck. He attempted to reach forward with both arms so he could possibly grip the fast running man, if he was lucky. If not, his powerful jaws would grab...hopefully something. He was at such a psychotic state at that point, that he could withstand incredible punishment at that point. The bullet that missed it's mark lodged into a far off marble column.

Lexxum attempted to bite his opponent with anything he could grab...if he was successful.

If not, time was running out and he was in close proximity of that glowing blade. He had managed to jump just above the first swing of the weapon with his leap. Now, if luck was on his side...he could get his massive jaws to clamp down on some portion of his opponent...

[jdd2035]

Cain's plan had worked, it worked well, it worked too well the creature had gone berserk a fit of all out rage washed over it and it was charging blindly at him. Things had to happen on the fly and Cain had to rely on his experience and he remembered a time when he fought an electromancer and how much electricity could hurt especially when he coursed through his opponent and into him or visa versa. So when the creature hit and boy did it hit hard he let go of his saber letting it clatter away from the conjoined pair. He knew what was coming he's seen rabid animals attack before and he knew what they were capable of and if that creature though for one moment that Cain was going to allow it to tear into his throat at will it was wrong.

There was little Cain could do how ever to keep from getting injured but he could control how he was injured and thus he twised and wrung his body shoving his shoulder into the creatures gaping maw filled with large razor sharp teeth and he kept pushing his shoulder in deeper into the creatures mouth. Its jaw was powerful but Cains coat was resilient and Cain could feel that in spite of the creatures teeth not penetrating they still gripped and it's violent thrashing very nearly tore his arm from it's socket. Cain let go of his spent pistol having one left in reserve and gripped creatures nose blocking it off or trying to.

The creature raking claws tore off a chunk of seared flesh from his face and the top of his wrist and in all the writhing and wrestling about there was yet another loud and sharp !pop! What some people forget or do not realize is that unless sinew is cut the arm and more importantly the wrist and hand can still function. During the struggle Cain had presence of mind to grab his second pistol (with the hand attached to the shoulder the creature was biting into) twist it to where the barrel was pointing at the creature somewhere and pull the trigger at point blank range.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

BLAM!

Blood poured from the mouth of Lexxum Vordic as he tried to tear through that damned coat. It's high quality...damn... But the important thing was the fact that he'd injured the man before him and he had injured him -badly-. Lexxum felt the bullet in his abdomen area, which was also armoured, but it was still enough to cause another injury. Lexxum knew he was being torn apart despite the psychotic rage that was coursing through his mind and soul. Lexxum howled for a moment and released his deadly grip of the man's shoulder.

Blood poured freely from his mouth, the beast looked even more terrifying.

Lexxum took a moment to look down at the gaping wound.

If not for his powerful scales, the bullet would have been lethal.

The bullet had caused a serious injury and Lexxxum was freely bleeding as well. He growled angrily at that. And clutched at where the bullet fragments were lodged in his body. It hadn't pierced through his thick scales, but it lodged itself in at point-blank range. There were smaller fragments in his body from where the bullet had shattered on his body. Blood freely poured from the injury. Lexxum took two steps backwards, despite his psychotic rage.

The pain was causing him to focus better, see his psychotic rage as it was.

As Lexxum stood there he considered the next part of his movements. He looked at Cain for a moment and prepared the last part of the assault. Then an idea struck him. He turned to look at the cavalry sword that was on the ground, several feet away. Lexxum drew Tap Reaver as the idea dawned on him. Time to return the favour... Lexxum dashed off towards the sword on the ground with Tap Reaver in tow. Once he'd covered enough range, Lexxum charged up the power of his weapon and launched one of his last two remaining charges of his weapon's power. Then, he fired off the blast at the intended target. The target was the man's fallen cavalry sword...

[jdd2035]

Cain reached for the hilt of his opponents sword intent on swiping it as he was thrown off but to no avail only the tip of his fingers were able to even touch it before he was flung to the ground. The wrenching action from the beast jaws coupled with the hard landing was enough to pull his arm out of its socket not enough to dislocate it but enough to make it the ball grind on the socket it self bone on bone a cringe worthy sound that echoed in Cain's ears. The opposite arm of his coat had began to pool with blood and leaking out of the crook of the elbow from where the creature had so savagely clawed at it.

Cain should have been in pain and in fact he was in a catastrophic amount of pain but a terrific amount of adrenaline was coursing through through his veins. His eyes were becoming more wild and he began to laugh his charred and lacerated face twisting into an even more horrid grin. Cain swore oaths, grunted and howled like an animal and became incomprehensible.

The creature lots its feral gleam the wheels began to turn once more within its head. It turned and started for his cavalry saber while drawing its own massive sword. Cain scrambled to his feet and made chase making a yard and a half for every yard the beast made laughing all the way but arrived too late to prevent the beasts own caper.

The creature had made an incredible mistake leaving an opening it turned its back to Cain to fire its sword at his saber. Cain leaped into the air whipping his weapon belt from his waist and around the creatures neck planting his feet into its back and rearing back like a green rider on a wild horse. In that same instant the mix of raw magical energy mixing with violently with raw magical energy erupted in a violent explosion sending fire elemental energy, lightning elemental energy, sand and razor sharp steel shrapnel charged with magical energy in every direction. Cains shoulder snapped, crackled and popped as the rodeo began and he kept laughing and swearing oaths.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

This is my conclusion post.

His plan had somehow completely missed.

He fired off the tap energy and it flew off in an unintended direction.

There was an explosion in the distance, and Cain's sword sat, unscathed on the ground.

"Shit!" Lexxum's quick eyes saw Cain attempting to attack with a different weapon all together.

He'd used his belt as a sort of makeshift rope and Lexxum was not going to have any of that. Instead of the weapon belt wrapping itself around Lexxum's neck...Lexxum quickly raised his already injured arm. It was a gamble, but one that would pay off. The weapon belt wrapped itself painfully around Lexxum's injured forearm...not the intended target of his neck. Energy flew about everywhere and Lexxum howled in agony and soon passed out from the tremendous pain he felt.

The energy was enough to knock the beast out at that point...

He'd completely given up.

The End.

[jdd2035]

Cain fell to the ground just after his opponent had passed out. He could have taking up the fiery great sword and finished off the creature but instead he just found a rock and sat down. His face was charred and he could feel the blood congealing in the deep lacerations in his face and fore arm. The blood that had pooled in the sleeve of his coat was not cold and what ever was not burned or clawed open was peppered with sand and shrapnel. There he chuckled as the adrenaline high began to wear off and the pain began to set in. Moments later the world began to vanish around him and his opponent starting from the melted hair on his head his body and equipment was instantaneously healed and replenished. After he was healed Cain step pout of the the arena.


End scene.

[Rayleigh]

Thread Title: A call for Blood (“http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?31879-A-call-for-Blood")
Judgment Type: Condensed Rubric
Participants: Lexxum_Vordic vs jdd2035



Plot: 15 --- 14

Gentlemen, I would like to thank you both for the fun, quick fight. Very often, especially in fights, writers feel a need to drag out the action. They add too many details, which actually end up bogging the reader down. Neither of you fell into this trap, meaning that your pacing was, overall, quite nice. You also did a nice job of stating why it was that your characters were visiting the Citadel at all. That is one thing that I am always looking for, as I have never been a fan of fighting just to fight.

Setting was what hurt you both the most here. There were some instances that were very well done. JDD, your description of the arena in post two was very nice, and I enjoyed the bit about the scents; smells are often forgotten by writers, myself included! You also used your setting to your benefit in post four, when Cain climbed the wall. Lexxum, your descriptions in post five also stood out. But the extent to which you both described and used your setting was lacking. I understand how difficult it can be to remember setting in a combat-oriented thread, as opposed to a quest. Just remember that your readers still want to know the sights, sounds, and smells, as well as how the setting is affecting your character. It will really bring the scene to life, and make them feel that they are standing there in the arena!

I do have one individual nit-picks for you, JDD, and that has to do with pacing. I felt the end was very rushed, and while that can be blamed on both writers, your final post was where much of it stemmed from. Reflecting on his choice to leave Lexxum alive was nice, but why not put more time into describing his exit, or the sensation of everything healing? This felt like a missed opportunity in both setting and pacing. But on the plus side, I really liked the way that Cain thought he caused the rage in post ten. It added a cool new element to the story.

When it comes down to score, it was very close. For me, it boiled down to setting, which Lexxum incorporated a bit more than JDD.



Character: 14 --- 16

One thing that I always look for when judging a fight is whether or not a character can take a hit. So often, writers are afraid to let their characters take damage, either because they are too attached, or they feel that it shows weakness. I was very pleased to see that both of you allowed your characters to be attacked. You both demonstrated your characters’ weaknesses as well, though perhaps JDD a bit more-so, in post four.

Unfortunately, your character taking damage also means that you need to explain how it affects them. There were many instances where you both described the outward damage (blood, or broken scales), but there was not much deeper than that. Do they become dizzy? Do the edges of their vision blur? Do they slow down? Do their steps take more effort than usual? Do they have a slight limp, or fall to the side when they try to walk? Do their hands shake, or their breath come with more difficulty? These little details make the scene more believable, more realistic, and add an extra dynamic to your writing. I would encourage you both to answer these questions as you write, and translate the answers into your stories.

A large portion of my character score stems from how well you both portray your chosen characters. Do your characters have certain phrases they use, or actions they resort to out of habit? Do these things make sense, when considering your character’s upbringing, lifestyle, tendencies, etc.? Little quirks can be very difficult to come up with, and use consistently. Believe me, I am struggling with this in my own writing! I did see a bit of this in your opening posts, Lexxum, especially in your inner monologue, but I had a much easier time getting a feel for who Cain was. Phrases like “fill your hands,” and the touching of the cap, really brought his seafaring ways to the forefront. What you had was nice, but I would challenge you both to do more.

Due to JDD’s attention to persona, he receives a slightly higher score in this category.



Prose: 15 --- 13

In every judgment, I encourage my writers to proof-read before they submit their stories. As such, you should not be insulted when I ask you to do the same! There were a number of mistakes, some which caused clarity issues, many which simply detracted from the story being told.

Lexxum, one thing that I might recommend you look out for is repetition. This can be tough, because it is not easy to pick out with a simple read-through or spell-check. In post three, for example, you use the term “opponent” in just about every other sentence. That is an easy go-to in a battle, but what could you use instead? When one word is used far too often, it begins to lose meaning. I would also encourage you against using phrases like “more or less,” as you did in post seven. There is nothing grammatically incorrect about it, but it lessens the impact of your words. No need to add that unless it serves a specific purpose!

JDD, your writing suffered quite a bit from these mistakes. You swapped some words, such as “waste” instead of “waist” (post two), and “pout” instead of “out” (post fourteen). There were some missing letters in post six, and missing punctuation in post two. And, of course, the infamous commas. You know how comma-happy I am, but I always err on the side of caution where they are involved. Commas help your readers digest the words, and make meaning of them. Long sentences without commas are like running without knowing when to stop - it becomes difficult to know just what you should be doing with the information. Try reading your posts out-loud. If there is a natural break in your speech, or a place where you take a breath, put a comma.

When it comes to technique, however, I felt JDD had a slight upper-hand. JDD, I enjoyed the way that you wove the rodeo theme through your twelfth post. Furthermore, my pun-loving side really appreciated how you used the term “shocking surprise.” Lexxum, you did a really nice job with your internal monologue in your first post, but I wish you had carried that throughout in a more apparent way. Overall, there were hints of really nice technique, but you could spice up your writing with a bit more.

For prose, Lexxum received a higher score due to fewer mechanical errors and clarity issues. However, JDD’s attention to technique earned him nearly equal marks.



Wildcard: 5 --- 5

This was a neat little fight - thank you for allowing me to judge it. As I have had the pleasure of working with both of you before (either as a judge or a writing partner), I know what it is you are capable of. I did not see many of the incredible things that I love about your quest-writing surface in this fight. As always, I encourage you not to let the combat overshadow all the wonderful things you can both do with your words.



Final Score: 49---48

Lexxum_Vordic (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?4434-Lexxum_Vordic) Wins!:


1000 EXP!
70 GP!

Congratulations!


JDD2035 (http://www.althanas.com/world/member.php?18477-jdd2035) Receives:


300 EXP!
35 GP!

[Rayleigh]

All rewards have been added!