View Full Version : A New Beginning
Note: this is closed to myself and Nero, and will be used as a prequel to our quest with Raelyse.
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The day was cool, even more than usual for Salvar. Heavy clouds hung low in the sky, casting a gray hue over the land. No sun shone, though it was light enough to know it was still midday. On the docks, men bustled about, rushing to tie off sails, latch doors, and safeguard precious cargo. Some shouted as they moved – likely captains or first mates giving orders to their crews.
Mingling in the crowd of men, Ren stood out painfully, her under-clothed body a beacon of interest for the lonely seamen. Completely unaware of the gawking expressions and staring, lustful eyes, she glanced down at a slip of paper, then back up at the ships docked in the harbor. Her teeth worried her lower lip while she considered the situation. It had taken much work to come this far, and she did not want choosing the wrong ship to create unnecessary hardship.
Since her narrow and terrifying escape from the slave quarters, the healer had wandered lost, knowing only to head south toward the shore. Finally reaching a coastal town, she was overwhelmed by the realization that she had no money to pay for passage. Not willing to remain on the hated continent, she begged for work throughout the town, finally claiming a position at a tavern serving ale. The clientele was mainly composed of lustful men with wandering eyes and roaming hands. Still, she smiled sweetly and ignored the bawdy gestures, knowing that the price of freedom was worth the payment.
Two months later, the girl was able to quit her job, having finally saved enough gold to ensure passage. Kelsey, the owner of the tavern, was sad to see her leave, having come to think of her as a daughter. Still, she wished her well, and gave her the name of a ship whose captain she was acquainted with. “He’ll be good to ya, dear. Just keep to yerself around them men, they don’t know any better.” Ren nodded and smiled, accepting the offered name gladly.
The Widower.
Wind whipped through her hair, causing the lengthy raven locks to float around her lovely face. Her blue-gray eyes flitted over the scenery, and at last rested on the ship which bore the name she sought. Sultry lips lifted into a full smile, her white teeth gleaming against her pale flesh. To her, the weathered, beaten ship appeared perfectly carved from gold; the torn black banner waving in the wind, pristine and proud; so blinding was her happiness.
As she approached the seeming captain of the ship, she was unaware that he was looking at her already. Her young, slender form was barely covered in a red and gold metal ‘bra’, an ornate gold metalwork ‘belt’ draped with a loincloth-style red skirt, and thigh-high boots of similar style. Many questioned her sanity for wearing so little in such a cold climate, but none complained openly save a few jealous women.
In contrast, the ships captain was older, perhaps in his early forties, with a thick goatee and small, shrewd eyes. Around his beltline was the small bulge of a stomach, though his loose tunic hid it well. Upon his brow rested a black handkerchief which held his long dark hair out of his face. While not unaffected by the beauty of the girl that strode giddily in his direction, he recognized her from the description his cousin had provided, and vowed not to get mixed up with her. Before she realized his gaze was upon her, he shifted his eyes back to the ship, watching the bustle of the men readying for the coming storm.
Oblivious to it all, the excited Ren stepped close enough to the captain that he could smell the jasmine she had put in her rinse water this morning. With childlike joy, she clutched the scrap of paper bearing the name of his ship in her delicate fingers and beamed at him expectantly. Suppressing instant fantasies of her and himself alone, he greeted her with an uncomfortable, forced smile. “You must be Ren,” he rasped, then coughed to clear the roughness from his voice. Composed for the moment, he avoided her eyes and instead stared at the bridge of her nose. “My cousin, Kelsey, told me you’d be coming.”
“Yes, I am! She was so kind to give me your name.” Her voice was like fresh honey in spring, soft and melodic as a warm breeze. The captain shifted his weight, suddenly even less comfortable, if that was possible. “I have worked hard for passage, and have the money here.” From a barely noticeable spot at her hip, she untied a small leather pouch that jingled slightly. Without hesitation she grasped his hand and pulled it toward her, palm up, before placing it in his care.
Smiling his uncomfortable smile yet again, he accepted the coins without counting them. “Thank you, miss. Unfortunately we won’t be leaving until after the storm passes. You can stay in the cabin if you like, but it will be a rocky night. I’m sure Kelsey would let you stay another night…” The disappointment that gripped her heart drew her lovely features into a look of vulnerable sadness that nearly choked the captain. Sweet gods, but she’s beautiful when she’s sad… With great effort, he controlled his emotions and placed a comforting hand on her bare shoulder. The silken strands of her hair grazed his weathered flesh and he restrained a moan.
“Little lass, you’re welcomed to stay in the cabin, as I said. I’ll sleep in the boson’s quarters so you won’t be alone, alright? We’ll leave in the morning.”
That night, the captain could not sleep. Knowing that an inch of wood was all that separated him from the young Ren was maddening. Her vulnerable eyes, silken skin, and intensely beautiful body made him ache. After a while, the rocking of the ship and the sound of the rain lulled him to a light doze, from which he awoke after a particularly vivid dream, one that he would not easily forget…
Rubbing his nose, Nero lightly sneezed into the back of his hand, sniffling as he bat away the plume of dust from his face. The creaking of loose boards and sharp clang of metal clashing against metal didn’t sit well with the Lycan, and though it was his best means of travel from Salvar at the moment, he didn’t have to like it. The ship, in it’s best respects, was commiserable; but he’d deal. Scoffing at the situation, Nero situated his traveling bag over his shoulder as he stepped onto the deck. The continuity of bustling sailors around him, apparently ignorant to his presence eased feelings of vexation, though he’d need to find the captain.
He tilted his head to the side slightly, noting the loud grunt of an older man barking orders; Nero's face arranged itself in a quizzical expression. With a shrug, Nero lifted his eyes to the grayscale sky before approaching the man with an indifferent attitude. “S’cuse me,”
“Yeah?” the man replied sternly, his attention still on the men running about the deck.
“I’m looking for the Captain of the ship. A Mr. --” Nero answered before being cut off abruptly.
“That’d be me, kiddo”
Kiddo? He’s got to be joking.
With an arched brow, Nero lightly shook his head before handing over his passenger’s papers, averting his attention away from the man. “Nero, huh?” the Captain indirectly questioned after snatching the papers from Nero’s hand. “You’ll be in the lower deck.”
“The lower deck?!” Nero snapped in response, a shocked and blatant bothered expression playing his features.
“Yeah, the lower deck..” the Captain retorted sarcastically. “Don’t mind the stench, either, there’s really nothing to worry about,” he hinted.
A low grumble bellowed from Nero's throat as he scrunched his face in a moment of sheer irritation, blasting passed the Captain who by now, had a pontifical grin folding his lips. This was getting out of hand, Nero thought, and probably couldn’t get any worse. Well, it could, but there was no way he was going to battle a Kraken for a bunch of mongrel sailors. Not that he’d survive himself, but that thought only stabilized his position matter. Nonetheless, he wasn’t the happiest person at that given moment, but he figured a good night sleep would kill the affliction; at least he was hoping so. Finally reaching the lower deck, Nero coughed at the smell draping the hallway. Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, Nero booted the door open to his cabin with a stern kick and wasted no time in slinging his bag onto the.. bed?
“A pile of straw. With a sheet,” Nero commented, swiftly spinning on his heels and resting a fingerless gloved left hand on the pommel of the broadsword at his waist, slamming the door behind him. “I’m getting a refund for sure.” He sighed, adjusting the large fur cape around his shoulders as he made his way back through the direction he’d come before strolling out onto the deck. By now the sailors had mustered the ship, and had already cast off from the harbor. Maybe there was the saving grace that the men actually could govern their respective titles appropriately? Probably not, but it'd have to do. For that, the Lycan was thankful.
The youth found his way to the bow of the ship, lurched over, and rested his elbows against the railing. For the moment, he’d gather some fresh air before being fumigated in that awful smell.
Sorry, my appointment took longer than I thought.
Night passed swiftly for Ren, who could easily be considered one of the deepest sleepers on all of Althanas. Though the captain’s bed was lumpy and fitted to his larger frame, she dozed off almost instantly and did not awake until long after dawn. Sitting up, the girl stretched her limbs before climbing to the floor, her slender form arching delicately. The worn wooden planks which made up the floor were cool beneath her feet, and she quickly slipped her thigh-hugging boots on. Come to think of it, the whole room is chilly… But the rocking of the ship has calmed some. I should go see if we’re leaving soon.
Now fully attired (or as much as she could be), the lovely healer ran her slender fingers through her hair to tame the unruly locks. Glancing around, she realized that the sparse quarters contained only a tiny porthole mirror, the silvered surface coated in rust spots and permanent fog. On tiptoe, the girl swayed to and fro trying to see if anything was astray. Humph. Oh well, I suppose its fine.” Turning on her heel, she strode out of the room and on deck.
The faint clicking of her boots on the polished but worn surface was nearly inaudible against the rush of wind, the bustling of sailors at work. For a moment, Ren just stared out over the ocean, eyes wide with wonder. [i]We’re moving already? I must’ve slept late… Glancing at the sun, she confirmed that midday had come, and was nearly trading with afternoon. As though to illustrate the point, at that moment her stomach chose to gurgle in annoyance. Smiling a little, she decided she could live for a bit longer and searched for the captain.
All around her, men of all shapes and sizes rushed around, some carrying things she could not readily identify, some sweeping the deck and others hauling ropes attached to various sails. At first, none of them seemed to notice her, giving her time to really see them as they were – hard working men. Only so much time can go by with a golden cleric of the Goddess to go unnoticed, however, and soon the heated gazes became intense. I must look worse than I thought… Deciding to ignore the stares, the lovely, if oblivious healer marched toward the side of the boat in the direction of the sun, where she folded her hands, bowed her head, and said her daily prayers.
Staggering through the passage Nero managed to martyrize himself in a less than awake stumble, making his his way to the deck and lethargically slothing up the stairs before finally blundering through the cabin door. In that moment of quiescent alertness, the Lycan was clobbered by an over zealous ray of light, causing him to wince and cover his face with bare left arm. His sandybrown locks of jaw-length hair, the side’s braided back, radiated in the sunlight. The lithe, though toned and well tanned physique of the youth shone gloriously in contrast with the physical adroitness that Nero actually felt.
In light of the storm that had rocked the foundation of the woeful vessel, the following day happened to be quite admirable. Nero, changed from a covered and fur wrapped boy, was sporting a more favorable look. A light leather vest, petaled around the collar equated a matching pair of leather pants, tightly fitted around the shin’s by a set of black grieves. Wrapped around his wrists were a set of fingerless gloves, neatly fastened by a slew of belt straps.
“Ugh,” he languidly groaned, before releasing a heavy yawn and wiping a tear from his eye with a knuckle.
With a weighty sigh, Nero strolled across the deck, inadvertently neglecting the soapy surface of the wood which had obviously just been mopped. In all honesty, the Lycan couldn’t really manage any sort of direct attention aside from the inability to sleep on a heap of straw, let alone the incestuous creaking of loose floorboards as sailors thumped away above him. However, one couldn’t disregard the sight of a specific girl on board. Perched against the side of the ship, Nero spotted the figure of a woman, lightly dressed and placid in prayer.
“Eh?” the youth questioned to himself, taking a moment to glance around the ship in astonishment. He greatly doubted she was a member of the crew, so she must of had some sort of entourage, he guessed.
Turning back at her, he softly smiled before resting his left hand on the pommel of his broadsword, one that lazily hung from a belt on his hip. He continued to thumb the weapon lightly as he surveyed the omnipresence of gawking eyes and peculiar attitudes of the sailors directed her way, and regardless if they knew Nero had caught on, she obviously hadn’t. So with a sharp whistle, Nero fell against the opposing side of the boat, resting there with a relaxed lean. For all intent and purpose, he was striving for her attention. Was she beautiful? He’d be lying if he said otherwise, but more than that, she seemed rather out of place.
Hell, so did he.
As the captain made his rounds, he noticed a few lines that were too loose and made orders that they be attended. Men scurried about, doing his bidding. They had made good progress already this day, the winds guiding them due south and faster than scheduled. Afternoon bell rang, and several men finished what they were doing and hustled below decks. Grinning to himself, he inwardly thanked them for their current gentility toward the lady on board. Her holy symbol was currently the only thing saving her, he knew, but they had behaved admirably, considering her appearance. Does she even realize what that getup does to a man? Shaking his head, he chuckled a bit, then joined the others below for lunch.
~*~
Closing her prayer, Ren looked up in time to hear the sound of bells. Many times she had heard them while working at the inn, but she had never understood their significance. Several men disappeared into the hull, apparently cued by the sound. Shrugging lightly, she took some time to look around fully at the ship. The large wooden structure was impressive to say the least, even with the deck unpolished as it was. In contrast, the masts were all painted black with red stripes painted in circles around them at intervals. Though it seemed intriguing to her, she knew nothing of ships, and did not connect the name of it with that of a spider she knew well enough.
As she turned around, she noticed a man leaning against the opposite side of the deck, dressed quite differently from the majority of the crew. Intrigued and unafraid, she started to march across to meet him, a smile of welcome on her face. After all, he may be a traveler, and we could talk together! Perhaps he would be interested in hearing about the Goddess, or have heard about Syarnis. Her legs didn't cooperate very well at first, given her inexperience with sailing, and she wobbled for a few steps before getting the hang of it.
CAR-RACK!
One of the smaller masts split without warning, the sound echoing loudly throughout the ship. Startled, Ren looked around, trying to discern the source of the sound. Too late, she saw the dark ring around the center of the pole. Without having enough time to move out of the way, she watched in horror as it sped toward her. Closing her eyes, she prayed to her goddess to save her so that she might continue to serve her here on Althanas. She would go if needed, but she felt there was so much more to do...
Running his tongue across an obtrusively large canine, especially for a human, Nero combed a gloved right hand through his perforated dusty mane. Gaze intent on the Priestess as she stumbled across the deck en route, the Lycan stiffened his posture, tightly wrapping his fingers around the pommel of his blade. Instinct grabbed him to do so, though not in the sense of threat, but rather his subconscious drive to exhibit an alpha-male persona; credited to the Wolf gene within him.
CAR-RACK
Jolted, Nero’s ears perked at the thundering sound of wood splintering. Nero shot a pair of bronze orbs towards the timbering mast in response, though quickly averting his attention to the girl who appeared frozen in place. There was no time to question her actions however, as the youth lunged forward before vaulting into the air. Above them both, the mast continued to plummet; previously stiffened ropes whipping about a fluttering sail. Nero contorted his frame, lashing outward with both arms and seizing the Priestess. His momentum would easily drag her along with him, causing him to crash down onto the deck with a concussive thud, though expertly keeping his body under hers to avoid force detrimental to her.
They’d slide across the oak for a few feet before being rattled by the trunk of a mast crashing onto the deck; the large white sheet of a sail dancing in the air prior to lightly falling across the two. Blanketed by the sail, Nero lessened his hold on the girl, inadvertently blinking a few times before the sounds of crewmen barreling onto the deck in refutation managed to drag Nero from the moment of shell shock. By now a common conversion had taken over the state-of-mind of the ship’s collective; the sounds of muffled conversations and questioning being ignored as Nero rolled from underneath the girl in attempt to slip from under the large sail.
“You alright?” Nero asked, though moreso out of a habitual courtesy.
Success! The lycan parted away a corner to find daylight, tossing the section to the side and creating an escape for her as well. He proudly stood with a heavy sigh, rolling his shoulder as the unrestricted stare of the crowd once more fell heavy, only this time on them both. Sniffing harshly with an acute and vivid glare, Nero glanced back towards the girl still lying on her back and extended his right hand towards her.
“I’d suggest keeping a tighter ship, Captain,” Nero arrogantly spat with a cavalier monotone, partially looking back over his shoulder again. “Putting your passengers through such severe episodes can’t be good for business.”
"Burn the witch! Women should never be on ships anyway! Look at the trouble she's causing! Toss her in the sea!"
The fears of the crew were foundless, but they believed so deeply in the gods of the sea that they were willing to kill the girl to regain their favor, regardless of potential wrath from her own goddess. Shaken himself, the captain could only stare helplessly at the fallen mast. We will need to dock soon and have it rebuilt by a shipwright. That will cost more than our cargo is worth. Sighing heavily, he turned back to the shouting men. "Please, calm yourselves. It is unfortunate that this happened, but we can't assume it was her doing. We still have enough masts to sail us to our Alerar and beyond. Why don't we worry about getting the shape in usable condition first, hm?"
“I’d suggest keeping a tighter ship, Captain,” Nero arrogantly spat with a cavalier monotone, partially looking back over his shoulder again. “Putting your passengers through such severe episodes can’t be good for business.”
Casting a sharp glance at the other passenger, the captain did not appear amused in the slightest. "Sir, you are mistaken. I am not running a passenger ship, here. I took you and her on out of the goodness of my heart for pittance. If you can't appreciate that, then you are free to swim wherever you wish, though I hear there are a lot of sharks in the area. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot to do." With that, he turned away, barking orders again.
~*~
As the mast hurdled toward her, Ren was unprepared for the sudden thud of a heavy body slam into her. The air leapt from her body, leaving her stunned and breathless. Whoever had saved her from the mast was able to maneuver underneath her body, preventing her from being crushed under his weight. Stars danced before her eyes, and she felt as though she were swimming in darkness. For a few moments, she heard and registered nothing of what was happening around her.
Waking slowly, she turned slightly to one side and realized that she was alone and under something heavy and made of cloth. Muffled shouting worried her, especially when she heard the captain attempting to dissuade arguments against someone of her description coming from the crew. What did I do? I thought I was just walking across the deck? Suddenly, a light filtered in as what turned out to be a sail was lifted off of her. The face was not instantly recognizable, but the hand that was offered was friendly and she took it, pulling herself from under the sail to a kneeling position on the deck.
Nervously, her eyes darted from person to person as the argument continued. It wasn't until the crew dissipated, and the captain returned to his normal duty of ordering them around. Flinching at the tones used, the cleric felt helpless and inexplicably guilty. What if I did cause bad luck? Are the Goddess and this sea god at war? Climbing to her feet, she turned toward the one who had saved her. His odd appearance puzzled her briefly, but did not phaze her. After all, kindness comes in all forms, and Ren had no heart for hatred or judgment. Bowing slightly, she smiled a little shakily at him. "My name is Ren, priestess of the Goddess. Thank you very much for saving me. I owe you my life."
With each intrusive and overcompensating word that managed to slither from the Captains lips, the more Nero loathed the idea of being in his presence. The audacity of the man to lay insult after nearly killing a person whom he took under his charge while on board; Nero wouldn’t have it. In most regards, he would have challenged the Captain’s honor, but there was no recognition of a Warrior’s mentality present in the elder. Not forgetting that he was on a ship that he couldn’t captain himself, with a numerous amount of sailors that outnumbered his deftness with his bade. Rationality usually wasn’t a common attribute within the young Lycan, but only this cleric’s Goddess knew what would happen if she didn’t have some sort of protector. Savages.
‘The Widower, pfft.’ he mumbled to himself
Undoubtedly the absolute lowest limit of human civilization in one grouping, Nero gathered. No other ghetto or barge on Althanas could hold a candle to the wretchedness of this crew, and his comfort level aboard the vessel was quick on the decline. Nonetheless, it was a necessary evil, one that he’d have to endure for a few more days. Raising an accusing finger at the Captain, Nero decided the best course of action was a retort.
“That doesn’t permi--” almost instinctively Nero shut up, as it only now occurred to him that people were in all likelihood listening in and he rethought sensibility. Sniffing lightly, Nero spat on the deck before turning around to face the girl again as she conveyed. “My name is Ren, priestess of the Goddess. Thank you very much for saving me. I owe you my life.”
Like the sweetest melody, she spoke.
“Ehh,” Nero mumbled, nervously scratching at the back of his head. “It’s nothing, really. I’m Ne--” rudely cut short by a pair of intrusive sailors shoving past them both, Nero struggled to keep his composure; he was already at his boiling point. Sighing heavily, he looked back at Ren with a shake of his head and a small smile.
“I’m Nero.”
The shouts continued as men bustled about, the majority of which were tying the fallen mast to themselves so they could heave it out of the way. They couldn't very well leave it there, after all, nor could they put it back up to chance it falling in a sturdy wind. Overall, the ship's crew was tense, like a top that has been wound too tightly. Sensing this, the captain ordered the dinner fare to be steak and potatoes with iced tea and lemon. The lemon was required to prevent scurvy, but at least they could enjoy having it for once.
Somehow, the captain thought, there is a way to keep her safe. But how? Things had better be smooth around here for a while or she will end up hurt... His eyes strayed to the girl, her loveliness impossible to ignore. The raven tresses looked like black silk, which invariably reminded him of the bedroom. Groaning inwardly, he fought to regain his thoughts, his composure. If I am having this difficult of a time, I can only imagine what the men are going through. At least they get to sleep in their own beds, though... Sighing, he turned back to the crew, determined to forget the cleric for the moment.
~*~
Meanwhile, Ren pushed herself to standing and inspected the damage. Both knees were a bit bruised, the left one skinned slightly, the blood already beginning to dry. Her hands had a few splinters in them, so she pulled them out carefully, one by one. For a moment she was so distracted by the task, she forgot about the man standing there. Tilting her head toward the strange man, she smiled at him broadly, her innocence shining like a beacon in her face. Considering the man's appearance, she could not help but notice the contrast in his looks and demeanor. He looks so rough on the outside, and yet is so caring. Oh, the human mind.
"Well met, Nero! I thank you again for your help, as does the Goddess." At this, she bowed her head slightly in respect. One of the splinters caught then, causing her to wince. Yanking it hard, blood began to well from the tiny hole, and she unconciously pressed the palm against her mouth and pressed her tongue against the wound. The metallic taste did not even have time to register before she realized she had an audience still. "Oh, it's always those little ones. They get caught and..." Chuckling in embarrassment, she felt her face heat and knew the blush was visible. "Um, sorry, I got a little carried away there..."
Many of the scores you’re getting are lower because this thread was incomplete. I contemplated not giving a judging here, because the numbers are a bit out of synch. However, since it was submitted, I did judge it. Also, since this thread was under 10 posts, I was not obligated to give any EXP. Nero, since you just abandoned the thread, I didn’t feel that you were deserving of any EXP. I gave Poetra some as consolation.
Total Score= 40 Given all the missing aspects of this thread, that’s not a low score. This might have had promise, but it just didn’t end up that way.
Introduction – 5 One of the most important things about introductions is posting things that are going to interest your readers.
Setting – 6 Poetra, you have a keen eye for detail. However, I think you should work on toning that eye.
Strategy – 5 There really wasn’t much of a test of your problem solving skills.
Dialogue – 7 This was pretty strong. I felt that the dialogue was very character appropriate. Tension was really oozing from this.
Character – 4 I’m scoring this low primarily because I didn’t get to know the characters. The low score is more a factor of the lack of thread completion. I imagine had you completed it, the score would have been a six or seven.
Rising Action – 3 Again, the problem was the fact you guys didn’t finish.
Climax – 4 While I don’t think it was intended as a climax, having Nero and Ren meet had many of the elements of one. It did well in the areas of having high significance, and the thread, such that it was, built up to this moment.
Conclusion – 0 None
Writing Style – 6 I would suggest you worry a bit more on emphasizing important things. Poetra has a very descriptive style, and uses dialogue particularly well. However, you need to put your tools to better uses, always emphasizing the things that are important.
Wild Card – 0 As a matter of practice, I don’t generally give wild card points for incomplete threads.
Spoils=
Poetra receives 150 EXP and 25 GP
Thoracis
06-27-06, 02:27 PM
Rewards Added!
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