Been Through A Breakup?

[Cyrus the virus]

Over 2 and a half years gone for me. Please give advice.

I'm not, like, borderline suicidal or any crap like that. Just give some advice on how to deal with it, please. She's still my friend, but loving her was the biggest piece of my life for a long time.

[Zerith]

Sadly I don't think I can give you any good advice, even though I've had my heart broken numerous times.If I have any advice, it'd be to go out and be active.

What I can say though, is that chances are these next few days/weeks/months are going to be hard. So you'll probably have to remind yourself that you two are just friends.

I feel for you man, and I hope you two manage to keep a good friendship.

[The Bard]

Is there a reason for this break up? I mean I wouldn't leave someone if I went out with them for 2 years

[hamnat]

I wish I was eligible for a breakup...however, I am an amateur psychologist....so, out with the accent.

"Und haow dose dat mek you feeal?"

[Cyrus the virus]

So you'll probably have to remind yourself that you two are just friends.

Yes... I'm doing the worst thing you could possibly do with an ex-lover, too. I had to kiss her goodbye and all that. What really, really sucks is not being able to say I love you when getting off the phone. That's heart-wrenching. Not that I don't love her anymore, but... Yeah. Saying it is pretty ridiculous at this point.

Bard: Yes there was a point. What the hell?

Anyone else been through similar?

[The Bard]

Yes... I'm doing the worst thing you could possibly do with an ex-lover, too. I had to kiss her goodbye and all that. What really, really sucks is not being able to say I love you when getting off the phone. That's heart-wrenching. Not that I don't love her anymore, but... Yeah. Saying it is pretty ridiculous at this point.

Bard: Yes there was a point. What the hell?

Anyone else been through similar?

no no no I didn't mean it was pointless I mean why did you two break up did she wanna see other people? not a good sex life? I wanna know so that way I can help you

[Cyrus the virus]

I'm really not trying to be an ass... But if I wanted everyone to know why we broke up, I'd have included that. I just need advice in general, I guess. Or just shared stories from people I respect, so I can see it's not so bad to have to get over it.

[Zerith]

Anyone else been through similar?

Actually, I remember this one time I was dating a girl in high school. Now me, I like to do my christmas shopping early, so I bought her a gift and card at the end of november. Unfortunately, she dumped me on December 8th.

I still remember feeling rediculous for giving her this gift and card on the last day of school before the holidays. Even worse, I only got a dollar store card in return.

[Reiko]

The best thing you can do is to not look back and be happy that you're still friends. Actually you're really lucky that you have her as a friend because you still have her, just without sex and really sex isn't as much as people believe. And there's plenty of fish in the sea.

I have never been through this but I have been going through the pain of never having loved at all.

[grim137]

but I have been going through the pain of never having loved at all.

As long as you don't think about it and stop giving caring about it such a thing doesn't really hurt that much.

Cyrus I've never really been through this so I can't say I really know what you're going through. My advice to you would be to try convincing your self you don't really give a fuck. Trust even if you don't care if you lie to yourself enough times in a convincing enough way it will become true, you'll stop caring that you broke up and no more pain. At least thats the theory, it's worked for me on other things, though I don't really know you that well nor do I know your situation (other than the fact you broke up) so I don't know how well such a method will work, but if I were you I would at least give it a shot.

[Rajani Aishwara]

I was engaged in May, but had to break it off due to issues I'm not willing to discuss here. I know exactly what's on your mind right now. You won't accept anyone else but her because no one else is on your mind right now. That's how it was for me for a few months.

Then August came around and I met this girl, this beautiful girl! I mean the very second I saw her I almost completely forgot about my ex. Unfortunately that girl has a boyfriend so we're just friends. My hopes were down in the drain again, but then it happened again with another girl, and she was single! We went on a couple of dates but she turned out to be no fun but here's my point. You have the capability to move on.

[Krugor]

I'm you!

Only 2 months later. My (ex) girlfriend broke up with me two months ago, after more than 3 years of sweet loving. I went inactive here on Althanas because of it. So, let me tell you the truth; you'll feel like crap! It's harsh, but it's true.

We're still friends, in fact, she's even my best friend. And I see you're still friends with your ex too? That's great, it'll help a lot, let me tell you that. But you really, really, really should be going on with your own life. Don't make it inhumanly hard for yourself by grabbing every little chance you get to be with her. I know, I did it and found out it was only making things worse. Take some time for yourself, sort yourself out. It's going to hurt, but you should definitely let the hurt in. Hurting is the way to healing! So, my advice is totally opposite of that of Grim's, but it's just my opinion. Telling yourself you don't give a fuck does help, but only for a really short time. After that the truth will sink in and you'll find yourself in a much bigger pile of crap than you were initially in. Accept reality and deal with it. Do things you like, continue living. And a piece of advice somebody gave me, that really helped;

Don't think of all those years as wasted. Don't think of the things you still had planned. You had an amazing 2 years, you have had a great time. Be grateful for that.

Now, start your new life today! You'll get over it eventually, seriously, trust me.

I don't know if you value my opinion much, but seeing as I'm currently going through the exact same thing you can always ask me more advice :)

Oh, yeah, a quote I found a while ago that made me giggle, but does make a point:
"Guess what. If she's that one in a million, there are about 24 of her in New York, 21 in Sydney, a few more around here and there. So get the hell over this ONE."

[Teutonic Knight]

I've been through a break up and it was bad cuz I bought a very expensive purse for her birthday and when I went to go give it to her she said she had alot goin on in her family and wanted to be single so she wouldnt except my gift then she gave a different excuse to my friends to why she broke up with me and a few weeks later she got a new man. I still dont know why to this day why she broke up with me but i handled it pretty well by hanging out more with my close friends and just goin out every night and doing something fun to get my mind off her. So my advice is go out and do something fun with your friends or try stuff you never did before anything to keep your mind on a posietive path.

PS: My mom stole the purse I bought lol

[galadra]

I've never been through a break up myself (I've always done the breaking up with people.), I do have this bit of advice:

Girls are bitches. And stupid and smelly. You don't need or want one, even if you think you do. I promise :D

[Cyrus the virus]

Nice advice, Krug and Raj. She has indeed been my best friend during our time dating, and will remain that. I just wish I had a job to occupy myself with.

University in January... That should do the trick ;)

Funny: It's her birthday today :p She's coming over tomorrow so I can make us steak, and we'll drink a bottle of wine we were saving.

[Ravenok Kinnes]

That's fantastic!

Jeez, you're more lucky than I am... Me and my ex hate eachother(well, she hates me), and she even had to move right after we broke up. We never talk, though I would love to.

You may not know it, but you're the lucky one here.

[hamnat]

I have never been through this but I have been going through the pain of never having loved at all.

I have the pain of having loved, but being hated. Truthfully, I'm a recluse, because in society, I am pretty much an outcast. Few people don't mind being in my company, and even fewer enjoy it.

It is easier to be a recluse of this kind than you would think, but definently unhealthy in the long run. I, as Shenjara say to you, "Be grateful that your time together was not wasted in its entirety. Learn from this experience; grow from it, that thou might become better able to serve such a purpose in the future."

Kishurin's advice, "Look not to the past. Only pain, suffering, and hollow happiness canst thee find there. Look forward, to the future, as it is harder to travel the road of Life when thou art looking behind you."

Mac's advice, "Think not of it. If ye must, grab yerself a flagon of the Dwarves famous mead. It may help if ye drink it with the presence of friends who support ye."

[Mithranduil Treasury]

i've been here before...though for particularly heart-wrenching reasons that I won't discuss. It's hard, but survivable. I haven't spoken more than 3 or 4 words to my ex since we broke up, and I'm happier for it, but anyway on to advice type stuffs.

Things that helped me:
keeping my mind OFF my ex and how much i loved them
filling up my day and evenings with other people
crying it out (seriously, just letting it all out in some emotion or another helped ALOT)
keeping otherwise busy
keeping otherwise busy
oh and keeping otherwise busy

I had a particularly rough time with my breakup and i really didn't want to think about him at all. I'm over it now (it's been several years) but it still hurts every now and then. Though that's likely due to the reasons of the breakup. Anyway, for me the best thing I did was to fill my mind up to the point that i had no room to think about my ex. It's really great that you two can still be friends though! ^_^

[None So Blind]

Oh man, Matt. I can't believe that happened. I know exactly how you feel, tho. I was with my ex for five years. We were seriously talking about getting a house together and starting our family. A week after one of these conversations where we were discussing marriage I got a phone call from a girl who wanted to know why I was texting HER boyfriend. Within five minutes I found out that he not only was cheating on me, but she was pregnant with his baby. I tried to talk to him after that, but I was so angry. I got out the sentence "Congratulations on being a father," when he hung up on me. We haven't spoken to each other or seen each other since. You are really lucky to still have her in your life as a friend, as much as it hurts that you can't have her as a lover. I see things all the time that remind me of him or that I think he'd get a kick out of, but any relationship we had is completely torn to pieces. I honestly don't think I could stand in front of him and speak to him like a normal human being anymore.

The only happiness I could find in his presence is the joy of ripping his spine out thru this throat.

That's it! I'm coming up to Montreal and we'll go drinkin!

[Cyrus the virus]

Mmm drinkin...

Ravenok, as lucky as I may be for being friends with her still, a much luckier man would I be were she to love me as much as I love her. Ah well.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

[galadra]

Anytime, dude.

[The Bard]

I'm really not trying to be an ass... But if I wanted everyone to know why we broke up, I'd have included that. I just need advice in general, I guess. Or just shared stories from people I respect, so I can see it's not so bad to have to get over it.

sorry pal, I dont wanna sound nerdy but my last gf was 4th grade I havent had time for a chick

[Cyrus the virus]

WORST DECISION EVER:

Fooling around post-breakup.

Well, not really. It doesn't make things worse or better, and it's fun :D

Anyway, I'm doing fine. Sorry to post this here, I know it's not something we should focus on on Althanas, I just don't really get a lot of support from IRL friends and such. Not everyone knows yet, and shit.

The wine tonight was fucking amazing, though. Fries were undercooked and steak was great... Not a bad night. I think things will be okay.

[Atzar]

I'm glad you're doing ok. I've wanted to post here to try to help, but I haven't gone through that kind of thing so I kept my mouth shut.

[Krugor]

Fooling around post-breakup.
Well, I don't know in details what's going with you and your ex-girlfriend and why you broke up, but seriously, I totally understand what's going on with you :p
If there's any chance you might get back together I would totally do that too, in fact, I've done it. But, if there's truly no chance that you'll ever be a couple again then I strongly advise against it. It will seriously tear you apart in the long run, even though you feel okay with it now. Believe me.

But well, I'm glad you're doing okay :)
You can always talk to good ol' dr. Krugor, for he is the expert of broken hearts. Without sounding depressive.

Now, to more important matters: you and I should make out!...err, start a quest, I mean!

[Cyrus the virus]

So why aren't you starting a quest for me to post in, fat boy?

[Torin Reahkari]

Being friends with exes right away sucks because everything's awkward.

I know I'm way late and I've already talked to you about this (kind of) but yeah. Conversations about things you've talked about, or the past, feel so weird.

But I'm glad you're going strong, you're a french Canadian, you will persevere!

[galadra]

Being friends with exes right away sucks because everything's awkward.


indeed it is.

it really really is.

[Elrundir]

Awkward for a while beats awkward forever. I hate to even imagine breaking up with someone and then never being able to stand in the same room as them ever again. I'm very fortunate to still be good friends with my ex. Sure, it was weird for the next day or two mainly because I didn't say a word to her, which was practically unheard of, but in the end I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

Well, maybe at some point I would have for one other thing. But I also want a toilet seat made of gold and that's just not in the cards either. ;)

[Zook Murnig]

Personally, my two breakups were pretty clean, not friends immediately afterwards. It's easier to do that with internet relationships, though, cause you don't automatically see them in the halls at school or something like that. Hurt like hell the first time. She broke up with me for a guy who left her, which, even though it seems like karma, still made me feel like shit because she left me for him. You know what I mean?

The second one was a girl a little younger than me and a little immature for her age, and after almost a year together and about six months of me half-assing it (I know, I'm an asshole) I broke it off, cause it wasn't fair to either one of us. She was pissed as hell for about six months, then we started talking again and we just picked back up as friends. I give her relationship advice and stuff, being her older friend and all.

Now, my girlfriend, she's been through some real breakups. Let's see...she broke up with her last boyfriend several times over the course of about a year and a half, and they kept ending back up together cause he was that possessive asshole and she was used to it. Finally, he got sent to juvy for the summer before last and that pretty much ruined the whole relationship for them. Then she got back together with him for a couple days so she could have some revenge by breaking up with him for me. :D They went through a spell of just not talking, and now they're friends again. I still don't really like him, but I tolerate him because she still cares what happens to him, even if she doesn't love him anymore. He still tries to get us to break up, though.

Anyway, that's all I've got. Like everyone else has said, it'll hurt like the dickens, but you get over it. It's good that you're still friends, but don't screw that up.