Silent Strikes

[Zel Donovan]

Zelos Donovan stepped into the hallowed halls of the Citadel, his soft soles hardly making a sound. Silver hair shimmered as his gaze fell all over the magnificent architecture of the Ai'bron battle arena.

The unarmed warrior walked up to the nearest monk, requesting a battle be set up for him and one other. "And, could it be...just a little bit dark, my friend?" he suggested. "Other than that, it's up to them what it's like in there."

The monk agreed and led him to a large doorway, telling him that it would be a short wait for another challenger, as busy as they had been of late, and that he could set the terms with them when they arrived.

"Very well. I will wait."

I've been waiting all my life for this day, when I could finally do battle in the legendary Citadel. I can wait a little longer, he supposed.

[Fenris]

Everything was in place.

Fihrinn's room at the inn was reserved, his surveillance of his target planned. The only thing missing was the target, a Scarabrian noble who would not arrive for several days. Of course, it was essential to always beat the target to their destination--otherwise, things could not be arranged, planned, predicted--but still. Such necessity mandated dull periods of free time...

Corone posed less of a problem on that front, though. This was the home of the famed Citadel, after all. It wasn't every day he would be here, with such opportunity staring him in the face. It dwarfed the Scarabrian Pagoda as a giant would an ant, and it was far enough from his common sphere of operations to be safe. He could train to the best of his abilities here without the worry of becoming a public figure or legend. Such publicity was unbecoming for a spy. But so many great warriors passed through these halls--surely no one would notice a lesser one.

He approached one of the monks in his human form and asked if there were any battles he could join immediately. There was always the possibility the Scarabrian could arrive early--best to not take chances waiting in lines.

"There are. I just left a young man in one of the waiting rooms...this way."

"Thank you."

The monk led him to one of the entryways into the great chambers. There he beheld his opponent.

Young indeed. The human was probably barely half his size in his true form. He stood at average height for a human, but he was certainly very thin. And yet he comes here, to challenge warriors from all over Althanas?

This meant one of two things. Either he was very stupid, or he was very dangerous.

As he bowed, Fihrinn noticed with a masked smile how similar they looked--at least when he was in his human form. He was taller, and noticeably heavier, with darker hair--but they could have been brothers.

"Greetings."

[Zel Donovan]

Zel turned as he heard the greeting. "So, you're the one?" he asked rhetorically. "Alright, you decide how you would like the arena to be set up. All I've asked for is a little darkness."

He looked the taller man over. Seems a worthy opponent, he supposed. Looks a bit uncomfortable, but he'll have to get over that. Seeing the weapons he carried he thought of how he could avoid the maneuverable blade of a knife. Still, this challenger did not seem the type to be accustomed to such a weapon, so he may not have to worry about dodging daggers.

"Hurry up and decide," he said impatiently, pulling his black silken mask over his pale face and shimmering hair.

[Fenris]

He was certainly sure of himself, and straight to the point. No need to exchange pleasantries with the creature you were about to try and kill...

Darkness.

This meant one of two things. Either by some magic he could see through shadows, or he had no qualms sacrificing his sight for stealth.

He didn't look like the the mage type, but Fihrinn couldn't be sure. Small, thin creatures always had something up their sleeves...and the more he watched how this human handled himself, and thought about his earlier judgement, the more evidence he gained that his opponent was anything but stupid, and anything but safe. He would have to press every advantage.

"A dark night, then. Under a full moon, perhaps, where mountains meet the forest." The moon would be a small advantage, but an advantage nonetheless. "Rocky terrain, perhaps some snow. Like..." He searched for the name the humans called his home. "Sulgoran's Axe."

The monk smiled, nodded, and pulled the immense doors open, releasing a rush of icy air into the small waiting chamber. Fihrinn smiled as the wind moved through his hair. The illusion was a good one--he could barely tell the difference from the real thing. How good it would be to feel that air caressing his fur, as it was meant to, instead of skin...

All in good time. Timing, indeed, was everything.

Before he entered, he bowed again to his challenger--keeping his head forward, as he would to an equal, rather than twisting it to the side and exposing his neck, as he would to a superior. He would save that in case he was beaten--but then, he didn't intend to.

"Treor is urrum. May the best creature win."

[Zel Donovan]

Zelos smiled at the description of the battlefield. Fool. I grew up in the Comb Mountains, just north of Akashima. I almost have homefield advantage.

"Good luck, then. I'll see you in there," he said. Probably before you see me.

The young man broke into a run through the gate and into the mountainous arena. At the nearest tree, he leapt onto one of the lower branches and began climbing as swiftly as he could. As he neared the top, he shifted his weight to make the conifer bend a little, aiding the sudden jump to a nearby aspen. The feel of the cold winter air rushing across his face and hands and making the front of his suit cling to his body, filled him with homesickness, not for the monestary, but for the time he spent wandering the Combs.

He continued on like this until he was a good ways into the battlefield, clinging, hidden, to the trunk of a tall fir tree. He kept his eyes moving, searching for his opponent, daring him to show himself. I'm ready...

[Fenris]

Fihrinn was slower to charge through the gateway. Rather, he watched attentively as the man--he should have asked his name--sped away. He was fast--he'd have to remember that.

The shadows, as his opponent had no doubt hoped, obscured his view, but he could still see the human's fluidly moving silhouette dart toward the trees, and then--up them. Interesting; for a human, he was suprising agile.

That, combined with his foe's initial tactic of flight, revealed much.

Whether he used magic to see in the dark had yet to be seen, but he clearly favored stealth over strength. A physically brutish warrior would stand his ground at the entrance, so as to not let his prey escape. This one, though, looked like he wanted as much distance between them as possible, probably to gain time to hide himself, to find the most advantageous ground.

It was the kind of thing Fihrinn would have done.

Casually, deliberately, Fihrinn removed his cloak, then his tunic, and finally his moccassins, leaving only his belt and canvas shorts. He handed the rest of his clothing to the monk and winked.

"If you'd be so kind."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

He set out into the shadowscape at a brisk jog, shivering as the moonlight cascaded over his body. What a bizarre sensation--to step through a doorway from a day with no moon to the night of a full one. He could feel the wolf in him pleading to be released.

All in good time.

When he reached the tree where his foe had vanished, he slowed, raising his head and reading the winds. It was peculiar, following scent-trails that were over one's head--but he had done it before, tracking tree-favoring game back home. The wind was favorable, for the moment, and the way was clear.

The farther he delved into the forest, however, the more he slowed his pace. The scent grew stronger with every step. He had to be almost on top of him now.

Casting his gaze from branch to shadow-masked branch, Fihrinn continued to formulate his plan. One thing was certain--he would have to get away from the trees. He had seen how skilled the human was at climbing. In terrain like this, he could attack from any angle, around or above. Out above the tree-line, though, amidst the bare rocks and tundra, he wouldn't have to worry about being dropped in on. The trick would be getting there. His opponent clearly had no problem retreating to the arena of his choice and waiting for the battle to come to him. Drawing him away from the forest would be anything but simple.

The human's scent saturated the wind now.

Fihrinn stopped. Looking around, he still couldn't see his prey. Darkness indeed suited him well. But even though he could not see his prey, he was certain that the prey could see him. And that was enough.

He smiled, hoping enough moonlight would make it through the branches to glint off his teeth as the fur sprang from his skin. His mouth sprouted into a muzzle as his ears took their true shape, moving to the top of his head. His tail appeared, swishing once through the underbrush, and his feet expanded as his ankles became hocks.

His transformation complete, Fihrinn bared his fangs, drew his knives from their sheathes, and listened.

[Zel Donovan]

The dark figure stared down at the forest floor as his suddenly topless opponent came into view. A cold winter night, and he takes his shirt off? he pondered. Something's not right here... The man seemed to be smelling the air, looking for Zelos. Suddenly his form began to shift, gaining lupine features. A longer nose and a snout rather than a human mouth. Wolfish arms and legs and a bushy tail. Fur. Shining teeth. Pointed ears moving to the top of his head. A lycanthrope? No, he seems to control it.

Zelos leapt from his hiding place in the fir to a nearby pine, taking a quick glance from another angle, then continuing on further into the forest. Best to get where the trees are thickest, the acrobatic young man reasoned. Shorter jumps and less chance of being spotted. When he finally stopped, perched near the top of a tall eklan tree much deeper into the forest. The trees here left hardly any space between the branches and the young warrior could almost climb across from one to another.

Keep coming...

[Fenris]

The slightest crackle of bark, the faintest hush of a swaying branch...

But then the wind picked up, and the whispers of the trees masked all other sounds. He waited a moment, but no attack came.

Fihrinn smiled. You didn't see that one coming.

He crept out, tracing a circle around the spot. Two-thirds around, he found the scent trail again, leading further into the woods. He frowned for a moment. It would be even harder to make it to the mountain now...

He charged off through the trees, his paws pounding the forest floor soundlessly. He had to resist the urge to cry out, to laugh. Here, rushing through icy air beneath the silver moon, unhindered by the clumsy legs of his human form, he could really run!

After the longest time, he felt at home.

But as much as he hated to do it, as much as it pained him, as hard as it was, the memories had to wait. There were matters at hand that couldn't wait for thoughts, emotions, reminiscences...

The scent grew stronger.

This time, though, he knew where it would end. He could see the densely clustered trees straight ahead, intertwining their branches and sharing their shadows. The perfect hiding place--the one he would have picked.

He stopped, still a good hundred meters off, not sure if he'd already been seen. Creeping into deeper shadow, he made his way closer to the thicket, trying to pierce the shadows with his gaze. He watched for the slightest movement, the subtlest telltale tremble of a tree branch.

Come out, come out, wherever you are...you can only hide so long...

He held his knives at the ready.

[Zel Donovan]

Zelos stared down as his foe, the lupine man, drew his daggers. Not the claws? he wondered. Not the fangs? Hmm...

The masked man began to descend, face down, from the top of the eklan in which he was hidden. The bark was rough under his hands, for which he was grateful to feel. That meant he would have little trouble holding on as he made his way toward a more survivable height from which to jump.

When he reached about forty feet above his opponent, his leg and arm muscles clenched, then pumped, causing his body to hurtle towards the wolfman. He twisted as he fell, both to get his feet under him when he landed, and to prepare for a thrust of his right fist at the beast's snout, right at the base and between the eyes.

[Fenris]

Here, beneath the thickly matted canopy, Fihrinn's ally, the moon, abandoned him. Deep, devious darkness hung from every tree branch, every trunk. He was on the wrong side of the battle. It was always him crouching in the shadows, him waiting for a clueless opponent to turn his back.

He who was the hunter.

But now, suddenly, in darkness not even his eyes could pierce, he was very much the prey. He closed his eyes.


"Your eyes will not always protect you, Fihrinn." His father's hand slid over the young pup's muzzle, brushing his eyes closed. The musky smell of his father's fur flooded his nostrils, and he smiled. It was a smell of strength, a smell that told him he was safe. He clung to every word the older wolf spoke--so that perhaps, one day, he would be able to hunt like him.

"The pack needs us to hunt on the new moons as well as the full," he said, resting a paw on his child's shoulder. "Times like those, your eyes will fail you, and if you're not ready, you'll be helpless." He heard the brush crackling as his father crouched beside him.

"But you should be anything but helpless. Sight is only a small piece of the window that shows us the world." He paused for a moment, and Fihrinn heard him take a deep breath. In his mind's eye, he could see the master hunter close his own eyes and reach out with his senses.

"Now, son, tell me what you hear."


A snap of bark.

Fihrinn dove, flying to his right with the sheer strength of practiced instinct.

But he was too slow. The human connected just above his left hip, and he hit the ground hard.

But if his father taught him anything, it was to never miss the chance to strike.

Even as he fell he arced his spine, slashing down at the human's torso with his knife and a feral roar.

[Breaker]

Silent Strikes
Quest Judgement

You requested this be judged as a quest, so that's how I'll do it. I'm going to try to keep the comments quick and concise, but feel free to IM me if you want to talk about it more.

STORY

Continuity ~ 3/10. Obviously the fact that this thread was incomplete hurt you here a lot. Otherwise, Fenris did fairly well in this category, but Zel, you didn't provide much information. You made a very strong statement in your first post using internal dialogue (I've been waiting all my life for this day) but you didn't say why or what led up to it. This information could have gone in the first post, or been distributed throughout the following ones, but it was strangely absent.

Setting ~ 5/10. Both of you identified with and used the setting well. Fenris, I liked what you did, but I think you can make your descriptions a little more unique and compelling. Zel, the small descriptions you used were good, but they left a lot out. I felt like you only described the setting as your character interacted with it. While doing so can be excellent for high-action posts in the middle of a battle, at the beginning of one you really need to give the reader a better sense of the surrounding area. Post #5 in particular is where I was looking for a longer description, but the only mental image I got was a few nondescript mountains and trees.

Pacing ~ 4/10. I have a feeling this would have been a seven or eight if you guys had finished the thread, but, well, you didn't. It happens to all of us, all you can do is make sure to finish the next one.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 5/10. The dialogue was decent, but not fantastic. I boosted this to a six because of Zel's use of internal dialogue to expand on his character a little, but then it sank back to a five due to the unprecedented, rather random flashback Fenris used. In general, I'd say that both of you need to work on making both spoken dialogue and internal dialogue a little more important/relevant, and really using it to show your characters off.

Action ~ 5/10. I hate to keep deducting points for an incomplete thread, but really, it ended just when the action was getting interesting. I boosted it from a four to a five because both of your actions were completely in character. That said, Zel, you could really stand to add more interesting/detailed accounts of your actions. I know he's a good climber and all, but you had him swinging through the trees like a monkey, seemingly without having to focus on what he was doing or worry about falling. I definitely wanted more details here, and I think you know what I mean, but if not catch me on AIM.

Persona ~ 5/10. Fenris' personality was a little more original and a little stronger, but there wasn't a whole lot to impress me here. I didn't feel like I reall got to know either character. Maybe I would have if the thread had gone farther, but from what I got, this was just kind of standard and average.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 4/10. A few more literary devices would really flesh out both of your writings styles, and Fenris, if you're going to use flashbacks, they need to be foreshadowed or at least justified in some way.

Mechanics ~ 6/10. Very few ordinary errors here, which is good, but Zel, at times you need to watch the way you phrase things.
The bark was rough under his hands, for which he was grateful to feel. When I read the first half of that sentence, I was all like "Yes! He's finally describing what the tree feels like!" And then I read the second part and it completely ruined it for me. There are dozens of better ways you could have phrased that, and I think a little careful proofreading (out loud is the best way) probably would have caught that.

Clarity ~ 5/10. I was never really confused, but some things, like the flashback, threw me off a bit. That, and I wanted to know what happened next.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 3/10. I guess I'm pretty hard on unfinished threads, and this one had a lot of things working against it (i.e. the fact that it was a battle that only got to the first round of attacks being judged as a quest.)

TOTAL ~ 45/100. I think both of you are experienced enough to know not to let this low score discourage you. Again, feel free to catch me on AIM if you want to discuss anything.

EXP and GP Rewards

Zel Donovan gains 300 EXP and 70 GP
Fenris gains 300 EXP and 70 GP

Other Rewards

Zelos receives a three foot length of linen yellow ribbon.
Fihrinn receives a comb made from dried out pinecones.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!