The Critique Thread

[Lucien]

We've had these from time to time, but they always seem to either focus on an individual or fizzle out. Lets try again, shall we?

Here's how it works:
1.) Post a link to a thread you're currently in.
2.) Ask other people how they find it. Is the writing good? Pacing? Actual story? You can ask them for specifics if you'd like.
3.) Please, try to look over other people's threads as well. It's always polite.

Lets keep this active people. Improving is what Althanas is all about.

To start, My Solo (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?p=34717#post34717)

[Reiko]

I guess I'll be the first to throw myself to the wolves^^

Running Blind (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=2981)

ok here's a crash critique for Lucien that hopefully will be helpful. I read a bit of the thread and I was quite pleased with the imagery that was given and the personality that was shown. I did find the thread a little overly complex at times and a bit confusing, though I like my writing simpler than most.

AS far my biggest complaint is that the foul language is a little repetitive. Might want to add some variety of naughty words and maybe work up some creative phrases.

[Bearded Gnome]

Finding Their Sea Legs (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=3041)

Yeah, I think it might be some of my best so far here on Althanas. I don't know, maybe that's just me.

[Rajani Aishwara]

Conquest by Capitalism (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=3218) is my first quest on Althanas. I hope you like it. Here's my first critique. I don't know how usefull this will be. I'm going to try to critique the thread in an abreviated rubric format.

Lucien
Story: Continuity, at first, seemed nonexistant at first. The rubric says that a judge of the quest need not look into the character's back story if the continuity is there, and I was very close to clicking on that profile link of yours. But then something amazing happened. You explained why Lucien was where he was at the moment with a smooth quickness like butter, baby. If I were you I'd bring up Earth a little earlier though. Depending on the judge the setting might be awsome as hell or a major turn off. I say awsome as hell because the transition from place to place, which happened frequently, was (once again) smooth like butter. I say a major turn off because not only did you use little to none Althanas cannon (which is to be accepted in Other Regions), but you also went back to Earth with Wall Mart and other locations. I normally would be firmly against it, but the quality of the story and character more than made up for it. I would ask for a judge like Leopold, whose character came from Earth as well. Pacing was just short of perfection. The second I got tired of it the next sentance pulled me right back in, and I could tell by the fifth or sixth post that this was a road to self discovery for your character. I'd be weary of the progression if I were you... Actually I'm going to try and use that for myself.

Character: The Dialogue was fun and reactionary. One of my biggest pet peves is players going three or more posts without any dialogue. Unless their character is in complete isolation how the hell are things kept silent? Best part about your quest is not two paragraphs went by without someone saying something. The only compaint I have is that besides using profanity there was no solid distinguishing quality between Lucien's modern language and any native Althanian's archaic language. I'm struggling to deal with that myself. My character comes from the wealthy island of Avalon, while the majority of those around him come from common place. In terms of action everything you did fit you. I hope I'm predicting right when I say that action will recieve an 8-10. Now for your character's persona.......... WOW Persona. In one way this is my favorite aspect of your writing and at the same time my least. I say this because I fucking hate Lucien! I hope your character doesn't come across my character because I would slap the shit out of him without remorse. I hate that whiney little bitch, but that was your exact intention, and you executed it perfectly. For that I applaud you with vigor.

Writing Style: Your technique is high quality and done with astonishing ease. I think that's because you have the advantage of using real life Earth cultural refrances to enhance your literary devices. However, like many of us, you start to lay off the literary devices as time goes by. Less personification, less simile, less metaphor. It's mostly been replaced by straight progression of the story line, which helps out the pacing quite a bit, but try not to forget it altogether. Your mechanics are mostly fine. Just remember (like we all must remember) that spell check won't tell you where and when to use the word 'there' and 'their'. Clarity has been perfectly fine for me so far.

I think that's it.

[Atzar]

Hey guys,

I want to revive this thread. I've got a new solo that I'd like some opinions on, and I'm willing to trade critiques for them.

Here's the thread. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?p=76468) Any suggestions, comments or compliments that you have for me would be awesome.

Also, feel free to post your own thread. I'll let you know what I think. Give a little get a little, right?

Thanks!

[BlackAndBlueEyes]

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge! (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=6434)

I know I've only just begun this one, but a bit of advice would still be nice.

[Atzar]

Alright.

BlackAndBlueEyes: I read your thread. You're a talented writer. You're very attentive to detail, and your descriptions are well-crafted. In the whole thread so far, I think I've seen two typos, which is a good mark.

That said, I haven't seen enough of the story yet to give you any good feedback on the story or the characters. I will tell you, however, that playing an assassin is tough. We have many assassins and characters of their ilk on Althanas. The tough part is drawing the lines that separate you from the rest of the pack. The quirk of drinking blood is a nice touch, but that's really all it is: a touch. Aside from that, what makes your character any more entertaining to read than the next assassin?

If you answer this question within your thread, then you've done a good job. It looks promising, so keep up the good work!

[Wyfind]

How about my first ever solo? It's in my signature.

[Atzar]

I read the post. It's a good introduction and your mechanics are sound, but it's way too early for me to tell you anything else.

I'll be interested to see how you land this story on Althanas. Right now, Arie is about as un-Althanian as you can get.

This also has potential. Have fun, and good luck. If these quests are any indication at all, then I believe that both of you can grow to be great assets to Althanas.

[Wyfind]

Arie? You mean Maverick, yes?

[Atzar]

Nah. I was referring to the kingdom of Arie. It's a bit... beyond Althanas in terms of technology.

Remember to give your own opinions on some of the threads!

[Green is the new black.]

Oh, this thread strikes me as an awesome idea. Who needs friends, anyway? (http://althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=5279) Why, to ruthlessly critique our writing, of course. It's around 2/3 - 3/4 done.

Once I get a little more time, I'll see about reading through some of the others that were posted. Should be fun.

[Wyfind]

Nah. I was referring to the kingdom of Arie. It's a bit... beyond Althanas in terms of technology.

Remember to give your own opinions on some of the threads!

Of course it is, it's Maverick's homeland. The solo quest will explain in greater detail how he got to Althanas.

[Wraith]

As I'm doing now, I will Critique anyone's thread who asks me. However, I prefer to do in on AIM, so it allows me do it quick and bullet point style, and discuss it more casually than I'd get to in an actual post. So just IM me and I will help you out.

[Jasmine]

Try your hands at this.. my latest solo with my assassin, Poison.

Whiskey, hold the olive (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=6514)

Tis a job she took for the Syndicate in Radasanth, and I would be forever grateful for suggestions on improvement. Due to the nature of the job (which you shall have to find out for yourself as you read :P), this will likely be the pinnacle of her career, and I want it to be awesome. So PLEASE, any and all suggestions are most welcome! Thanks!

and i shall look at other stuff and post again when i've formulated my thoughts on them ^_^

[Karuka]

I'd like some criticism for Power Surge (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4022). I'm starting the sequel soon, and I'd like to know what people think worked and didn't work. I'll also look at some other threads in a little bit.

[Corvus MacCallum]

Eh I'll bung one in for a laugh, one of the shorter completed quests, a level 0 slaying a dragon single handed.

Home Again (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4253)