Fight me...NOW!!

[Kell]

open to one more

A crackle preceded the short cacophony of a number of birds as their feathers burst from their flesh and their smoldering bodies fell onto the ground around the bronze statue. Her hatred for mornings was only overshadowed by her hatred for a few select things, one of which was birds singing.

She removed her hand from the statue, as her dower glare was slowly moved into an amused grin.

“Stupid fucking birds…” she whispered as she continued to her destination.

~ ~ ~

Earlier…

She had been awoken early by a group of birds outside the window of her cheep inn room, so spite for the world was already coursing through her veins before she was able to dilute the blood in her sugar system. Her eyes were pressed tightly from the time between pealing the blankets back from her form, through a hot shower, drying, and until she placed her glasses on their usual place upon the bridge of her muzzle.

Slowly Kell finished dressing and gathering her things before venturing to forth to tavern. Ordering milk and breakfast steak she sat in the dim room lit only by the light filtering through the stained glass windows. The meal was peaceful enough for her to begin loosening up from her rude awakening, but just as she began to mellow the waitress opened a window near her, letting the chattering catch her ears once more. Her eye twitched as she finished and paid.

~ ~ ~

The Ziggurat known across the eight countries as the citadel was a spectacle she had almost expected more of. It was simplistic, and of various architectural influences, the monks were kind folk and the place was of lighter hues than she had pictured in her mind. Kell had hoped for more of a Salvarian Romanesque gothic style, bearing great black spires, vicious statues of great warriors, grand archways and murals of combat.

But either way, she hoped the rumors were true, that this was a place of blood and blade, of death and dismemberment, of…dead…things… and…fighting...

Upon entering the tiled entrance, her spirit was lifted at the sight of many warriors, some elegant, some barbaric, and a select few who were clearly beyond some ideal of normalcy. It was shortly there after as she wandered the halls that she was spoken to by a lone monk.

“Looking for a room miss?” he spoke softly.

“A room?” she asked with question written across her face.

“Yes a room, that is where fights are wroth.”

“Well then yes.”

“Follow please,” he spoke as he walked past her, leading her down a couple of halls,” What form would you like the room to take?”

“Well I don’t know something violent I guess.”

With a sigh the monk spoke as he opened a door,”very well, this is your room.”

Kell entered the darkened portal to emerge on a most interesting place. The room was a large stone work circle, somewhere around forty feet wide, to the left was single window, to the right a stairway that spiraled upwards along the wall for at least five stories. Torches lined the wall ever so often as she ascended to a short ladder topped with a door. Pushing open the door she climbed out onto the top of what she now realized was a grand tower. There was a four foot tall wall along the perimeter as the floor was made of wood. As she moved to one edge she was pressed back a step by a sudden gust of wind and the crescendo of lightning bursting around her. She could smell rain coming on the wind as she looked out across to where the horizon was to see only billowing clouds all around her.

A smile crested her lips as she watched, her hair and coat flapping in the wind.


This should be fun.

[Lord_Valient]

Valient stood in front of the grand structure. This was the place he had heard about. This was the ultimate fighting place of Corone. The barkeep that had nursed him back to health had mentioned this place. The big man understood and accepted that he was not yet prepared to fight Berick again. This was the place that would prepare him for that day. The next time he would meet that drunken fool, he would crush him.

Valient's dark blue eyes shimmered with intensity as he walked in through the door. He was taken aback by the sheer size of the place. But more than that, his attention was drawn to the sorts of people that were here. This was not the type of fighting group he was used to. Some of these men and women commanded magic. Magic was something he was not used, and understood very little about.

He steered clear of everyone, and was unsure about how to start a fight. He figured this place must be more organized than a bar, so just throwing the first punch may not be the smartest idea. He took a deep breath and continued walking until he found himself overwhelmed. He leaned against a tall pillar and frowned in thought. He folded his muscular arms over his broad chest and waited.

"Can I help you?" A man asked from behind. A dark eyebrow went up over his right eye as he turned towards the voice. What he saw was a stout man in a clean white robe and a bald head.

"I want to fight." He said, trying to be as direct as possible.

"Everybody here wishes to fight." The monk said with a pleasant smile that Valient found to be annoying. The smile made the monk's words seem to hold the flavor of sarcasm.

"So..." Valient said looking around. He adjusted the daggers at his belt, a nervous habit he had, as he scanned the grand halls around him. "Where do I sign up?"

The monk chuckled and shook his head. "Follow me." The monk led him down a hall with paintings and decor all depicting wild battle scenes. Some showed individual fighters, and some showed pitched battles of conquest. Valient found himself smiling at them. "Does it bother you who or what you fight?"

"As long as they are not weak, I don't care." His eyes kept gazing at the beautifully articulated paintings and wall scrolls.

"Here we are." The monk said stopping at a door to a room. Someone just entered here. She is awaiting an opponent. Good luck."

The monk walked away, more than likely off to show some other lost soul where to fight. He reached for the handle, but stopped as he suddenly realized what he had said... "She..."

He opened the door and walked through. However, what he saw on the otherside took his breath away. He had thought he would end up in some sort of practice room, but instead he saw himself facing a large stone room. He took a breath and walked further along, his boots echoing through the silent chamber. Still, he saw nobody here. He took a deep breath and continued.

He saw a stairway that spiraled high into the sky. Assuming this was the way he was to go, he followed it. Seeing as he wasn't exactly sure what to expect, he took one of the torches from the bracket on the wall and continued up the steps. When at last he came to a ladder that led to what seemed to be a trap door, he pushed it open with his free hand and ascended.

He held the arm with the torch out first and a terrible gust of wind put out the torch almost immediately. He cursed and threw it on the ground. He then proceeded the rest of the way out of the trap door. When he stood he took in his surroundings. He had to brace himself against the hard wind, and he shrank a little as a clap of lighting surged above him.

"A tower..." He muttered to himself. His eyes scanned the surroundings and they ended on a woman that wasn't a woman, but some sort of feline. He had never seen the likes of it before. He had only seen humans and elves, and a few dwarven miners that enjoyed the drink. He shook his head at the creature and he took a position on the opposite side of the tower-top. His hands went instinctively to the daggers at his side. He took another deep breath as lightning struck above him.

What had he gotten himself into...

"Come on then," he shouted over the wind. "Ladies first!"

[Kell]

Kell had closed her eyes, enjoyed the storm around her, even though a small part of her mind told her it wasn’t real. The morning’s annoyances had faded from her mind as she relaxed, leaning her back against the wall. The feline was only waiting for a moment before she heard the trap door shut between thunder crashes, she watched silently as a man who easily dwarfed her in height alone, not that size really mattered to her.

Hmm, big target

Kell continued to watch as he took a position across the circle from her; he had twitched slightly at a one of the crescendos above. She grinned as his hands sought the blades he brought and called out in challenge. She let the strap of her backpack slide down into her right hand before letting the whole bag drop to the floor.

Good, maybe he is completely unsure of what to expect…

Bouncing slowly from the wall she began to walk in a slight circle to her right, getting closer to him with every step. When she was half way to him she stretched her shoulders a little by arching her back and moving her arms backwards in a slow swing before swinging them forward hard, landing her right fist in the palm of her left causing a crackle and arcing of electricity across her gloves.

“Such a gentleman,” Kell said as she moved closer, stepping to within a couple yards from him. Her tail flicked from one side to the other as she waited for only a moment, as her peripheral vision caught a flash behind her, she lunged her right swung fast at his jaw, electricity forming in her fist.

[Lord_Valient]

Valient became more nervous as the seconds seemed to pass like hours. His dark blue eyes watched the feline move towards him on the outside of the circle that ringed their battlefield. He took a deep breath as she brought her fists back and then clapped them together creating a spark of what seemed like lightning. He looked to the sky and saw a clap of lightning. He shook his head.

What have I gotten myself into? He thought to himself.

A bolt of lightning crackled above him and his eyes instinctively went up to it, wondering if it would actually strike them. When his eyes returned to his quarry, it was too late. An electrified fist slammed straight into his jaw and sent a shock through his body. He staggared back from the impact. He felt the pain of the lightning in her fist, more than the fist itself, but it gave him a feeling that told him to be cautious.

His muscles ached from the electricity that had flow through them. However, the shock also gave him a sense of urgency. He felt adrenaline flow through him like never before. This was what it was to be struck by lightning and live through it. He rubbed his jaw at the same time, nursing the pain that still tingled there.

She had fooled the big man once, but he would not be fooled again. His eyes went towards the sky again as he wiped the blood from his face. He took a few more steps backward to give himself space between the feline and himself. As he glared at the lightning, he realized that none of it was striking anywhere near. He questioned the reality of it all. He then told himself to concern himself with it only if it became a problem. Right now it wasn't a problem.

With that issue settled in his mind, he gripped his daggers tightly in his fists and charged at the feline woman. He needed to know her perameters. He needed to know what she was capable of. He had to learn how fast she was. One of the key elements to his championship wins was learning about his opponent while they revealed to much.

The large man drew back his right fist with a dagger in it and thrust it forth at the cat woman's head as he charged. He hoped to use his momentum and strength to pummel the woman in one shot, but at the same time, this was more an expeditionary attack than a true one. He had to learn his opponent.

[Kell]

Zap mother fucker!

A smile crested her lips as her fist left its surprise behind, knocking the man back a few. She watched, hoping he would fall, but he didn’t. Her smile faded as she watched him rub his jaw. There had been a bit of worry in her mind when she had swung, he had knives that would have probably made quick work of her forarms, but surprisingly he took it.

Why did he take it? Masochist? Never been in a fight? Oh well, guess that’s one up for me.

A sigh escaped her as she watched silently, bouncing on the balls of her feet a little.

Fazed but not out, damn. Stout bastard, guess I’ll have to put the pepper on when I get him on the ropes.

Kell’s hand hurt a little from the impact since she hadn’t had to caress another’s jaw in some time. She had lost track of the flashes around her, her eyes staying locked onto her opponent’s form, watching for any tells. Which came from him gaining a stead in his expression.

Finally, he’s gonna strike.

His fist moved back as he moved forward, bringing a blade bearing fist towards her face. Her coat furled in the air as she stepped sideways to his right, dodging the punch by mere inches. A crackle came from her fists as she swung her right low, aiming for his solar plexus, followed quickly by her left coming in a sloppy hook towards his kidney.

Not too much power now, just enough to floor him….for now.

[Lord_Valient]

Valient's strike, as expected, was easily dodged. But the knowledge was gained. She was a nimble little lynx. He would have a time catching her off guard, but he had fought faster opponents before. However, none of them had lightning coming from their fists. It was no matter, he would fight as he always did.

Using his right hand to originally attack, he had his left arm ready for a counter strike, which came. He closed his eyes as he waited for the strike to come with electric ferocity. However, when the hit landed, the electricity was quickly drawn to the metal of his blade. He dropped the weapon as it was hot. Her right hand struck his forearm without the electricity of her intended attack. That had been taken by the metal.

He was, however, caught off guard by just how quick she was and received a slight blow to the kidney. The electricity didn't seem to be as intense in that punch, but still proved to be troublesome. He knew he had to figure a way to ground the little kitty before he fried him.

Instead of backing away, he forced himself towards the cat woman. He intended to crowd her, making it hard for her to get a strong sweeping strike in. Also, it would stop her from gaining any more of her electric power up. He wasn't sure if that tact would work, seeing as he didn't understand how she gathered her power.

His right shoulder edged towards her, and while he did this, he snuck the knife in for a quick slice at her thigh. He was hoping at least a small amount of pain would take the teeth out of her bite. He only hoped that he covered his attack well enough not to be dodged.

[Kell]

Lightning flashed as the feline’s fists made contact, she felt a pain in her left wrist from the bad hook, but she doubted it was anything more than a bad hit. She heard something hit the wood beneath them, but she wasn’t sure what it was as he quickly pressed towards her with his shoulder.

A growl escaped her throat as her lips curled back when his shoulder made contact with her face, shoving her off balance. She fumbled her arms a little before landing hard on the wooden planks.

“Fuck…” she whispered as she used her feet and hands to scamper backwards a little until she could get up enough to stumble awkwardly back a few yards till she regained her balance completely. As she stood somewhat awkwardly and somewhat hunched from the sudden exertion to gain distance from her opponent, she realized a feeling of a burn across the top of her right thigh. Kell glanced down to see the short slice in her pants and a small red stain forming farther down the leg.

“Not bad, but you’re going to have to do better than scratching,” she said, looking back up at him, “a lot better.”

Her usual smile returned as she rolled the sucker in her mouth a little, moving it over to the other side of her mouth. She moved her body into the ready, raising her fists up to shoulder level and watching him as she began to circle to his left.

Her ear twitched as the first drop of rain from the coming storm arrived followed by a solid drumming of it falling all around them, leaving small marks on her glasses.

[Lord_Valient]

Valient was glad his small tact had worked. It bought him a little time. He clenched his fists to loosen up the muscles in his arms. The electricity had caused them to tighten up, and that was no good in a fight of this sort. Lightning struck above him, but he paid it no heed. Then the rains came. He smiled inwardly to himself. This was becoming more and more like an alley fight as they went on.

The wind blew hard suddenly and caused his leather jerkin to flap in the wind. He raised his arms in the air, enjoying the fight and the rain. He felt more alive now than he ever had. He loved this feeling. He felt the pain in his side and in his jaw, but they were not enough to eclipse the wonder of this place.

He caught the motion of her moving closer to him. He smiled at her and waved the dagger at her and then sheathed it in his belt. He bent over, picked the other one up and sheathed it as well. The big man smacked a fist into the opposing palm, showing that he was ready again.

He stalked forward. Charges were not going to work with this cat lady. She was too quick for that. Instead he came within a couple yards of her and stopped. He grinned and pointed to his jaw line where she had hit him before, making a mockery of it and challenging her to try it again.

Valient then put his fists up before him and made a motion with one of his hands for her to attack. He wasn't foolish enough to attack a faster person head on. That would be foolhardy. He had to wait for an opening and strike it. It didn't help that the blasted woman could harness electricity.

So he waited for her to come.

[Kell]

Her eye twitched a little as she felt her fur begin to matte from the rain that was steadily growing in strength. The thought of how much she hated water crept into her mind as she slowly approached her prey. Her glasses began to become blurred as the droplets landed gathered on them. She flicked her tail as she stepped, causing a small spray of water to come off the tip.

What does he think he’s doing? Waving his knife before putting it away.

A contentious sneer crested her lip as she slowly grew closer.

This bitch is fucking mocking me!

The sneer quickly turned into a fang bared growl.

Im gonna tear out his fucking heart, gut…things!

The heels of her boots touched softly before the lunge came, propelling her the distance of the gap. Kell’s fists crackled as drops of rain hit her gloves, the amount of energy she put into them would definitely put out the lights of a normal person if they contacted. She swung wide with her right in a haymaker while screaming in rage. As she landed in front of him her left fist shot out in a quick punch towards his guts.

Mock me will he...

[Lord_Valient]

Valient grinned as he saw his mockery had taken the desired effect. People who became angry often made mistakes. He knew this from personal knowledge. He had been that angry person. He had fought the angry people. While they were often propelled with a rage that brought with it renewed strength and speed, he knew that they committed themselves to a sort of tunnel vision.

As the lunge came, he reacted quickly, and to most, oddly. He fell straight backwards, his left hand going behind him to cradle the fall. The fist would have hit its intended target if it had still been there, but it wasnt. The big man's back was flat on the ground, and without wasting another second, he kicked out both feet at once, aiming for the feline's stomach.

Try that!

[Kell]

Her fists had missed completely as he made a maneuver that caught Kell completely off guard. He had disappeared from her sight as the moisture on her lenses caused her to lose most of her vision.

She felt a sudden pain in her guts before she felt her feet leave the ground. Her feline body landed hard on the wooden floor, sending her glasses off somewhere. A cry escaped her as she tried to catch her breath.

Son of a bitch…

She lay on her back for a moment, wheezing hard as she tried to regain herself before slowly standing. She hunched over with her hands on her knees, wincing with every breath as she realized that maybe she had over done it.

Not good, not good at all…

Kell knew she had lost the edge she had over the tank she was battling, and now it would come down to sheer skill and luck. A deep fear settled in the back of her mind that maybe she had already lost the contest of skill, so luck was all that she had to hope for.

Your move…

[Lord_Valient]

The big man felt the slight weight of the cat woman on his feet as his plan worked perfectly. He wasn't paying any attention to how far she went, but he did hear the solid thunk of when she landed on the wooden boards. He grinned to himself as he pushed off the ground.

Most men in this situation would grow over confident, but not Valient. He had seen far too many fighters lose a battle because they thought the match was over, but really the other person was only hiding within themselves. He figured his opponent was doing that now. Nonetheless, it was his move.

The rain fell on him at a steady pace, beading and rolling off the treated leather of his jerkin and pants. Lightning still flashed occassionally above his head, and the roar of thunder made it feel like his insides were shaking apart. Valient dragged his boot on the ground, testing how slippery the ground was. It was fairly slippery. He grinned.

Valient bent down low and then pushed his legs into a full charge at the cat woman. A growl escaped his lips as the thunder rolled behind him. Sometimes it was hard to hear the difference between the big man's heavy footsteps on the wooden floor and the thunder clapping above.

At the last instant before he closed the distance between himself and the feline, he fell to his knees, letting himself slide on the wet floorboards. He put his right shoulder out and aimed it directly at the cat's gut. His left arm came protectively over his midsection, and he dropped his face down with the charge to protect himself.

He turned himself into a human battering ram, and he was coming straight for the cat lady.

[Kell]

The short cut on her leg was apparently deeper than she had thought as she noticed her pants leg turned a deep red.

Damn it…

Kell worried a little about how much blood must have been draining from her veins, but so long as she could still use the leg at least she wasn’t going to worry. She began to feel a little light headed and a bit of disgust filled her as she felt her fur begin to matte. She was just beginning to breathe normally again as her goliath opponent charged her.

His shoulder would have made contact and probably ended the fight if she hadn’t put her hands out and used his momentum to roll her to his side, where she hit the floor again.

I don’t have enough for a frontal attack, so…

She slowly stood up and straitened out as she watched her opponent, lifting her fists back up to shoulder level. A short grin crossed her lips as she developed an idea.

“Come on bitch, that all you have?”

[Lord_Valient]

Valient skidded to a stop and then quickly regained his footing and turned to his opponent. A cocky grin was etched on his face. The rain billowed down on him, soaking his short hair and causing beads of rain to fall down his face. He wasn't sure how much of it was real, but if it wasn't, then it was a convincing illusion.

“Come on bitch, that all you have?”

The grin spread across his face. This cat lady had some spunk. He liked that. He wiped away a bit of blood that had reformed at his jaw where she had originally hit him. There was still a dull throbbing, but it wasn't something he couldn't ignore. His body, from the shocks, was still sore, but again, it wasn't serious enough to bother him. His adrenaline propelled him now in this fight.

He quickstepped over to his opponent, and without delay, threw a wild right hook, but quickly pulled the fake punch back and delivered a hard left thrust, the true attack, towards the kitty's face. He intended to have this fight over very soon indeed.

[Kell]

He spun and came at her with a right hook that would have been intercepted by a left arm block, but he drew it back before it made a connection. Kell almost had enough time for her mind to question what was happening when his clenched left fist landed on her jaw. It wasn’t what she was hoping for, but she reached out with her right as her body spun, hoping to catch him with her open hand that she had charged to a near fatal amperage.

She hoped that it would connect and drop him like a ton of bricks. But if it missed and discharged it into the moist floorboards or if it wasn’t able to drop him, she wouldn’t have enough energy left to give up much of a fight.

The world spun faster than she did, feeling the blackness of unconsciousness flooding her as she tried desperately to fight it back.

Son of a bitch, what a bad day…

[Lord_Valient]

He didn't see it, he couldn't hear it, but he felt it. His ears rang and his body thrashed involuntarily. His eyes were open, but that didn't help his vision any. He saw brightness, but knew that the sun was hidden behind layers of rain-bearing clouds. He was barely aware of the world around him.

Suddenly the world rushed back to him in a flood. When he opened his eyes he was on the other side of the circled rooftop from his opponent. Blood trickled from his right ear and he could still feel his muscles contract and ease on their own accord. He had thought that by his first encounter with the kitty's lightning that he had learned what it felt like to be struck by it, but he was wrong. Now he knew what it was like. He didn't favor the feeling either.

He was sitting in an upright position, held up only by the stone behind him. The rain continued to pour on top of him, uncaring of his pain or discomfort. He tried to rationalize the entire situation, but his mind was fuzzy. His adrenaline was all spent, and now he sat in his pain, the entire fight coming back to him in a rush.

He remembered being defeated by Berrick and found that this, although by different methods, felt near to the same. However, unlike before, he refused to stay down. He concentrated all his anger and all his determination in trying to stand. By some miracle, he managed the feat. The gusts of wind made standing even more of a task. The rain pelted him and the lightning struck from above. This time, he did flinch at the lightning, thinking it was the cat woman's next attack.

He willed himself to take a shaky step towards the woman. His knees wobbled with the effort, but he pressed forward, putting one foot in front of the other. He thought to draw his knives, but he decided against it. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to hold it, and he didn't want to risk his opponent picking it up and using it against him.

It seemed like hours to cover the few yards seperating them. He had very little energy left. He thought about his final attack, and what he would do with it. He took a deep breath and forced his knees to bend. With a grunt and a strain of effort, he leapt at the cat woman, his right fist leading the way aimed for her face. If this last attack didn't work, he knew he wouldn't be able to muster another.

[Kell]

Her landing felt harder than the previous few, and she was almost sure that the floor was lying on top of her. Even laying there with her eyes closed she could feel the world spinning as small specks of light flooded her dark vision. She opened her eyes to the world of lightning and the stars that still blinked in and out like Christmas lights.

Ah fuck…

Her mind finally formed a bit of internal dialog as she tasted a great deal of blood flowing from a number of broken teeth. Kell tried to sit up using her less than receptive arms but could only lock them to hold her up as she lay on the side of her hip. She coughed and spit out a few pieces of red ivory that she knew to be her teeth.

Her mind had forgotten about her opponent right up until that moment and as she turned her head to look at him, she barely had time to recognize his form floating through the air before his fist once again connected with her jaw.

The thunder and rain went silent as the world went black, her head bounced off the soaked boards as blood ran from her mouth and nose.

~ ~ ~

The feline awoke groggily to an unbelievably white room, the monk that had shown her the room was kneeling next to her with a strange gold glow around his outstretched hands.

“wha?” she managed to say before pain gripped her jaw, making her wince.

“Shhhh, child the pain will go away soon,” he said as the glow moved from his hands to her body, sending a calming warmth through her, “there you go, everything back to the way it was before you came in.”

Kell sat up and looked around, the white of the room blinding her as the monk handed her glasses to her.

“Thanks,” she said softly as she placed them back into their usual place, turning the room a dark red.

“Here is your bag, please feel free to leave the room when you’re ready,” the monk said as he set her backpack next to her.

It took her a moment before she stood and left, today hadn’t turned out anything like she had hoped. A small tear dropped from her eye as she entered the main hall, which she quickly wiped away with her glove.

As she entered the square outside, the sounds of birds chirping once again caught her ears.

I fucking hate birds…

[Lord_Valient]

The big man opened his eyes. He hadn't even realized that he had closed them. However, when he opened them, he found that he was lying face first in the middle of different room. He groaned and shook his head. He stood up and a monk was before him, holding out his hands.

Suddenly thinking of the cat woman, he jumped back and held his fists up in front of him defensively. He backed himself up against the wall as his eyes darted right to left. He was still weary from his fight, and the fact that he had just reappeared back to where he started was no comfort to him.

"Relax, you are back." The monk said in a soothing voice.

Valient, however, did not relax. He walked slowly along the wall until he reached the door that would lead to the hallway. When he was clear from the monk, he took flight. Out of the door he ran and out of the Citadel he ran. The question of how his strength had returned to him crossed his mind, but fear overtook that strain of reasoning.

Before he knew it he was outside once again. He turned around and took one last look at the Citadel. A smile formed on his lips. Somehow, he knew he had been the one to end the fight. He felt as though he might just be ready to find Berrick.

[Letho]

General Notes: I would like to apologize for the lateness of this judgment. I claimed this thread just before I’ve gone on a short hiatus and never got a chance to do it until now. Because you had to wait for the judgment for so long, I’ll throw some extra EXP your way. Also, I’m going to color Kell’s scores red and Valient’s blue. So, without further ado, the rubric...


CONTINUITY – 4-5

You both have some moderate problems here. I have to admit that I never quite got the reason why either of your characters were actually in the Citadel and how this entire battle fits your stories. It took several posts for Valient to even mention someone named Berrick of whom I found out nothing but the fact that he defeated Valient. If training for a rematch was a reason for being in the Citadel, you need to mention it in your introduction posts. Kell, on the other hand, basically had no reason to be in the Citadel, not even the cliché I-want-to-train/fight/kill stuff one. Granted, I found the fried birds intro rather funny, but in Kell’s initial posts I found out no reasons for her visit to the Citadel. In short, you both should try to look at each thread as a piece of a jigsaw that, when linked with all the other pieces/threads, forms a big picture that makes sense. Slight advantage to Valient here because of Berrick.

SETTING - 3-3

Now, this is what I don’t get about most Citadel battles, not just this one. The Citadel is made so that a person can create every environment that a mind could conjure up, every arena that a person can think of. Then why do people opt to limit themselves to monotonous, lifeless settings that offer little or no chance of interaction? The setting issue in this thread started from the moment the arena was created, I’m afraid. A round stone tower with nothing to interact with offers little to work with, regardless of how much either of you tried. Why not try adding some interesting details to the setting? Maybe make the floor metal and set a lightning rod at the center that would force the characters to find a way to evade being struck by lightning. Or maybe make the tower ruinous, so you had more to deal with then just your opponent. The lack of setting was the reason why, somewhere around the middle, your post suddenly became short and lacking details. Always try to be creative when it comes to both creating the setting and utilizing it.

PACING - 6-5

This wasn’t too bad, but nothing too spectacular either. It was basically a slugfest, something I can’t say I expected when I first started reading the thread. But because it was little more then a slugfest, there was little room to improvise here. The battle moved fast, but it was more or less just going back and forth between punches with a slight twist that Kell added with her lightning. When it comes to pacing, the crucial thing is to create some healthy tension, and this is best achieved with putting in more emotions into the fight. If the fight actually means something more then just a random visit to the Citadel, it would add weight to every decision your characters make.

DIALOGUE - 5-5

I won’t comment much on dialogue because there was barely any. It wasn’t really necessary given the nature of the thread, and what little dialogue was present was done fairly well. A peculiar thing though; how come these Citadel monks always creep to people from behind and ask if they would want to battle? ;)

ACTION - 7-5,5

This was a hard rubric to judge properly. At first sight, both of your characters seemed to act the way they should’ve given the environment and their prowess. They were both fistfighters, so it is only natural that they went at it with their fists. And yet, there were some details that bothered me. One of them was the presence of rain. I’m not much of a scientist, but know fairly well that water and electricity don’t mix well. So if you are wet and you are struck with an electric charge, you’re bound to be shaken all over your body. That’s something you failed to register, Valient. Also, there were some deviations in your character. In one post, you say that Valient doesn’t want to make the mistake of rushing into things, and then in the very next one, he goes on an all out charge. Always be watchful of these mistakes; even if you change your mind on the move you ought to make it doesn’t mean that your character would do the same.

PERSONA - 5-4

I can’t really say that I got to know your characters through these threads. I know that this was a random open battles, but people have feelings about these things too, thoughts and emotions and hopes and expectations. Persona is one of the rubrics in which the score will grow the more you get in tune with your character, the more you stop thinking as the character’s creator and start thinking as the character. Because of Kell’s inner comments that seemed to reflect the bestial side of her character give her a slight advantage here, but I advise you both to take a few moments when you’re writing your post and try to think how would you feel in the situation at hand. Then, try to describe what you see/feel.

TECHNIQUE - 3-3

Please, do not feel disappointed by the low score in this section. Technique is one of the most difficult rubrics to get a high score in; to get a good score you need no only use advanced literary devices such as allusions, metaphors, similes, etc, but you have to do it properly. Use too much in the wrong places, and you’re overburdening the reader. Use too little (which is a case here) and you lack the flair that would enrich your writing. I always say that the only way to perfect the technique is practice, practice and only practice. Try to utilize more literary devices then just the basic ones.

MECHANICS - 7-6

You’re both rather good with the basic mechanics of writing; good but not perfect. There are places (especially at the beginning of the battle) where there was quite a few of typos and misused words. “Pealing” instead of “Peeling”, “cheep” instead of “cheap”, a missing letter here, a missing word there. It doesn’t kill the flow too much, but it is something to be keep an eye out for. Also, Valient, I would advise you to try making longer sentences. Your sentences aren’t fragments, but they are rather short, and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing when you describe the heat of battle, it is a bad thing when you use it all the time. It makes you writing very choppy. Don’t be afraid to use commas and make a sentence that would be longer then a single line.

CLARITY - 7-7,5

Neither of you have much trouble with this. There were only one or two spots in the entire thread that I had to reread in order for me to comprehend what the writer meant to say. I reckon this is mostly because you both have rather clean, brief styles.

WILD CARD - 7-7

I’m giving a seven here because I think the rubric will prove to be rather harsh and unfair to the both of you despite the fact that this wasn’t a bad battle. There is definitely some room for improvement, but both of you are on a good road to become really good writers.



TOTAL SCORE - 54-51

Kell is the winner!

Congratulations to the both of you!!!


SPOILS:

Kell receives 650 EXP, 150 GP and a coupon for free, anti-static brushing of her fur (because all that electricity must raise the hair on her body;))
Lord_Valient receives 250 EXP, 150 GP and a t-shirt that says: “I got extra crispy in the Citadel”

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added, good job guys!