A Boy and His Epiphany

[Djakara]

(solo)

"Finally, [the nation] is imagined as a community, because, regardless of the actual inequality and exploitation that may prevail in each, the nation is always conceived as a deep, horizontal comradeship. Ultimately it is this fraternity that makes it possible, over the past two centuries, for so many millions of people, not so much to kill, as willingly to die for such limited imaginings."

- Benedict Anderson, Imagined Communities

[Djakara]

I wasn’t sure what to make of anything. I had only recently arrived on Althanas, and I was sure that I stuck out like a sore thumb. People on this planet seemed to have a sense of confidence in themselves that was sorely lacking back in the Republic, and it was pretty easy to see why. Everyone had their place and they were part of something bigger. Althanas had its rogues, but most everyday people seemed to wake up with a sense of kinship and a feeling that they were part of something bigger, a common project not unlike what the Republic used to have. While the Ethical Law on Althanas wasn’t nearly as developed, it was certain that the people here seemed to take pride in the fact they were from this place called Corone.

To be honest I found it a bit intimidating. Especially given what I knew, that my coming to Althanas could be but the beginning of the end for the planet. Certainly I was but the first Feraiaeran who was going to make their way through the portal, and undoubtedly there would be others that would be more interested in a fight than I was. I had come to Althanas because I wanted to escape the Republic. The Republic was going to come to Althanas because they wanted to colonize it.

Everything I knew about the Republic told me that they would destroy the idyllic lifestyle here with little hesitation for the needs of the people. Yet, I couldn’t destroy the portal that had brought me here. As tempting as it might have seemed, I couldn’t deny my people the same escape that had been allowed to me. I was prepared to do all kinds of things to survive on Althanas, but never destroy the hope of people I cared about.

Now as I approached a nearby tavern, I wondered what I would say. Certainly, if these people knew about the threat that the Republic posed, they would undoubtedly act, but there was no way to explain it. These people had yet to invent indoor plumbing, they would probably think I was insane if I started talking about techtonic weapons and interstellar travel.

Still, I was going to have to figure out something. As I entered I scanned the area for enemies. Not that I really had any enemies here on Althanas, but it was force of habit. I lived a pretty sheltered life in the Republic, but even then I had to be careful. It was like wearing a gas mask. You were probably going to survive either way, but it didn’t hurt to be sorry. In the Republic, it was careful that kept you surviving, and when you forgot about that you ended up dead.

However, in this tavern, the Peaceful Promenade, no one really seemed to have the same kinds of concerns. People at the bar sat with their backs to the people at tables, and many people had drunk themselves to the point where they wouldn’t have been able to fight back if threatened. The bar was musty with the smells of stale beer, smoke and sweat, but to me, it seemed like the safest place he had ever been to. With a sudden wave of confidence at that thought, I smirked and entered the bar. “Looks like I might just like the place after all…” I mused with a sense of hope.

[Djakara]

Out of habit, I slid in to a table near the back of the room. In the Republic, that was the smart thing to do, you didn’t want anyone to have a good look at your back. Even though I didn’t feel the same kind of a threat here, I still felt the same urges to make sure I survived. Perhaps it was the fact that I had yet to manage more than a few coins in begging, or that my best night of lodgings to that point had consisted of an abandoned, worm ridden shack, but the fact was that I didn’t feel all that comfortable with my fate just yet.

Since the tavern was fairly busy, I had to wait a while before anyone came to serve me. That was alright, I didn’t really mind. It gave me a few minutes to collect my thoughts in a safe place. Introspection was a luxury I had never been afforded before, and it felt almost scandalous to be so incredibly frivolous with my attention. There was a warm fire going, and my chair was comfortable enough, if it wasn’t for the fact that so many of these people kept such bad hygiene I would have been convinced that everything was perfect on Althanas just as it was.

As the waitress approached me, I changed my mind. Althanas couldn’t get any better. This girl was gorgeous, the kind of woman who back home would have been in the motion pictures and painted up on buildings. I smiled, and tried not to stare, or if I had to stare, at least stare at her face. The cut of her dress made that a bit difficult.

“What’re you having?” she asked.

I smiled. “Not sure,” I replied. It was half a lie. I hadn’t really put too much thought into it, but I kind of wanted to have the girl wait around a bit longer. She seemed to be about my age and I figured if she had seen me in a different light, she would have been in to me. I generally looked pretty good, I showered and cleaned myself everyday back in the Republic, and that’s more than can be said about some others.

However, the waitress didn’t seem all that interested in conversation. “You expecting someone?”

“Not really…” I replied.

“Well then order soon, we got too many tables in here for you to be taking up my time.”

I tried not to scowl, and so I just let out a sigh. “This what passes for service here?” I mumbled snidely before deciding on a glass of warm cider.

The waitress merely acknowledged my order and left. I shook my head in disappointed fatigue. It would be hard to rally up support for a war when I couldn’t even handle normal interaction with a well endowed young lady.

[Djakara]

No one had paid any attention to me by the time the waitress returned with my drink, so I decided I’d try and engage her in a bit of conversation. It wasn’t just teenage hormones driving this decision, though I’d have to admit they certainly played a part. The fact was, I needed to try out my story on someone, especially after the ego bruising I’d just received. Thus, as she handed me my drink, I smiled at her much more warmly.

“Sorry ‘bout earlier,” I offered, placing down a coin more than what I imagined would be sufficient for the drink.

The waitress was unimpressed. “You’re still two pieces short,” she said.

“Sorry…” I replied. I dropped another three pieces on the table. “You can keep the extra…”

“Thanks,” the waitress replied as if that was standard. She placed my drink down on the table and watched me almost curiously as I took a sip from it.

My first taste of the drink must have been subconsciously timid. I’d never had warm cider before, I only picked it because it was labeled warm and that it had been cold outside. Now, the liquid filled my mouth and I tried not to make a face. It wasn’t much like anything I’d expected, and it was far too flavorful and exotic for my palate.

The waitress caught on. “You’re not from around here, are you?” she asked interrogatively.

I knew I couldn’t lie to her at that point. Her eyebrow was raised cynically, like she would accept no other answer than what she knew to be the truth. I nodded, wondering just how far it was that she thought I’d come.

“So tell me all about Anebrilith…” she said, seating herself across from me without asking for permission. “It must have been fascinating being a human amongst the elves.”

I suppressed a relieved sigh, it was my accent that had tipped her off and not my behavior. Though I spoke like everyone in the Republic, the accent was similar to that of Raiaera. It was just fortunate that the two planets spoke the same common tongue. However, the waitress’ confusion over my origin gave me an idea. What if I didn’t just tell everyone that the threat was coming from Raiaera. That didn’t require nearly the same kind of leap of faith as interstellar war. However, I realized they wouldn’t consider me a credible source of that information. With my accent, they would have never thought that I would betray the elves.

Nonetheless, working the Raiaera angle was better than any other angle I could have come up with. I decided to go with it. “Yeah, I’m from Anebrilith…” I said. “I was born here in Corone though, my family moved to Anebrilith because we were in shipping.” I had heard that Anebrilith had a port.

“Yeah… that’d make sense,” the waitress replied. She seemed to mostly buy my story, as if it was the kind of answer she expected, but that at the same time it still felt like a lie. As if she had no other tables to care for, she sat down next to me. “And so, why’d you come back here?”

I decided to start working my lie. “I needed to be back amongst my people,” I said. “Plus, I’ve heard there may be an attack coming…”

[Djakara]

The waitress listened to me as I told a mostly made up story about unholy creatures from a bottomless pit at the center of Althanas seeking to destroy Corone, and warned that they would be coming soon. However, it was clear that she didn’t believe me. Often times, she chuckled when I spoke, and replied with little more than an “I see” that seemed to be her way of attempting to belie her sense of mirth. Apparently, I wasn’t very convincing.

“Now why don’t you tell me something true,” she replied, once I’d concluded my story.

I had been expecting that reply. “How do you know it isn’t?” I shot back. “Can you really afford to take the risk if it isn’t?”

“You know… we do get Raiaerans in here from time to time, if there really was something going on there, we’d know about it…”

“Because someone like me would tell you…”

“Because it would have been handled by the government,” the waitress replied decisively, as if there was no other means by which the matter could be handled.

I sighed. I doubted she would be the only one skeptical of my intent. The fact was, I now had no idea of where I was going to go from here. Suddenly, despite the comfort of the tavern, I felt foolish and tired. “I guess I’ll let the rest of this wait till tomorrow,” I thought dejectedly.

However, the next thing the waitress said surprised me. “My name is Geneva,” she offered. She took a small flask out from her pocket and poured some of it into my cider. “That’s on me…”

I smiled, grateful for the kindness. “Djakara,” I introduced. “Though some people call me Jak.”

Geneva smiled. “Jak…” she said, as if evaluating it. “I like it. Anyways, your story is going to sound a lot more convincing if you have me helping you, just let me know your real motivation…”

At this, my mouth dropped open. “My- my real motivation?” I stammered.
“Yeah, people lie for reasons,” Geneva shot back.

“Well… I uhh… well there really are these people, but they’re not coming from Raiaera, but my home planet…” I doubted that she’d believe the truth anymore than my lie.

“No really…” she countered. “How much are you getting paid to peddle this bullshit…”

I sighed. This was where the conversation was going. “Half would be seventy five gold pieces,” I said, for that was all the money I had. “I guess I could give you that…”

Geneva shook her head. “Kid, you work cheap…” she muttered, as if disappointed. “But fine… we’ll work something out from there, I’m going to be keeping you in my sights though.”

Under normal circumstances, I would have been quite pleased at the idea that a pretty woman like Geneva was going to be keeping me in her sights. Today, I didn’t really consider it a complement to my looks.

[Djakara]

A bit later, Geneva left me alone to my cider. She said it was because she had other tables to tend to, but I doubted that she was telling me the truth. The tavern was starting to empty out, and most of the people still seated had already ordered their foods and drinks. I merely sat back and watched the people there, trying to find out more about Althanas. There were dwarves swapping war stories and a group of elves playing guitar with each other. Mostly though, there were humans. Some of them talked with each other and shared jokes, others flirted with the waitresses and still others brooded amongst themselves. I could tell that they came from all walks of life just by the variety in weaponry and clothing.

I no longer worried about mustering up the courage to appeal to these people about preparing for war. Geneva was going to help me with that. I suppose as a waitress, she had a good deal of insight into these people, and knew what would motivate them. I suppose to an extent I knew. The way everyone interacted with each other was a bit of an indication. While I wouldn’t say that there was harmony among the different people in the tavern, there was a definite supposition of mutual respect. There seemed to be a general understanding amongst everyone in the tavern that they needed to coexist, something that I imagine would have not been the case had there been a group of people from Raiaera or Salvar in the room. I hoped that general understanding would be seen as worth defending by the people here.

As I sipped the cider and began to feel the buzz of the alcohol, time must have passed rather quickly. It was closing time before I realized. People began to file out as if on queue, with a few retiring to rooms that the tavern kept on its second floor. Geneva came back to me. “You’re a traveler, got a place to stay?”

I frowned. Up until that point I had been sleeping mostly under bushes and in abandoned shacks. I supposed that kind of an answer would have seen undignified. Though I needed every last gold coin that I had, I was going to have to spend something on tonight’s lodgings. “I just figured I’d buy a place here…”

Geneva replied flatly. “We’re sold out.”

I cringed. “Guess I’ll have to figure something out then…”

Geneva rolled her eyes. “You can stay with me then for the night…”

That was the first real bit of good news I had all evening. Naturally, my eyes became wide as saucers, and a sheepish grin appeared on my face.

“Though you’ll be sleeping on the floor…” Geneva added, erasing the prurient thoughts she knew I had. “Just so you didn’t get any other ideas…”

“Oh… of course…” I said, doing my best not to let my disappointment show.

“I’ll clean up and then I’ll come back for you, okay?”

I nodded, figuring that while I still looked like a complete idiot, at the very least I was going to sleep with a roof over my head for the first night in a while.

[Djakara]

Geneva’s place was alright, especially since I had slept on the ground outside the past few nights. Her floorboards were dusty and there was no rug, but she had an extra blanket that she let me use. Plus, her place was in the tavern, so it meant that I didn’t have too far to travel. Given how cold it was outside, there was definitely a lot to appreciate. It was the best night of sleep I had gotten in Althanas, though that didn’t say much.

It was kind of weird, but in terms of stuff like pillows and blankets, my life had been much easier in the Republic. Times had been tough, but my grandmother’s wealth had managed to buy off enough of the bandits that we lived fairly well. I didn’t really have to do any work or much of anything, though I suppose there wasn’t much I could have done even if I’d chose otherwise. However, Althanas had offered much more opportunity, and even if that opportunity came at the expense of comforts, it was a tradeoff I was willing to make. Plus, after what I had done to get out of there, I wouldn’t have been welcome back in the Republic anyways.

That night I dreamed of a rabbit. I don’t know how I could have dreamed of a rabbit, as I had never seen one in my life. Yet it was there, quite vivid, and it didn’t seem to be afraid of me. Somehow, instinctively, I knew that rabbits were supposed to be afraid of people like me, though I don’t know how I would have known something like that. It was just me and the rabbit for the longest time in the dream, staring at each other as the scenes around us changed, until eventually we found ourselves right in the middle of one of the streets of Underwood. It was different though, cars were passing us by left and right, and there were skyscrapers dotting the landscape. Still somehow, I knew this was Underwood.

In my dream, I then looked at the rabbit and for the very first time I spoke. “What is this?” I asked.

“Tragedy…” the rabbit replied. Suddenly, everything around me faded to black. I never got the time to make sense of it in the dream.

Geneva woke me up less than a minute after the rabbit spoke. Geneva was standing over me with a hot plate of breakfast and a bemused smile on her face. It seemed like she had been up for a while, she was clean, dressed for the next day and the whole house smelled like bacon.

“Eat,” she said.

I nodded. I sat up and ate. I guess I must have seemed particularly greedy because I ate voraciously. Geneva looked on curiously, as if she had suddenly discovered something about me that she couldn’t figure out. I took it as a positive sign. She’d made me breakfast and now I was attracting her attention for reasons other than our supposed ‘mission’ together. I began to wonder if I wasn’t a bit better at flirting than I’d thought.

After I was finished, I brought my plate to her. She smiled and accepted it. “Do whatever you want today…” she said. “Come back here tonight if you don’t have a place to stay…”

I nodded and didn’t say much. There was a lumber company a mile down the road. They seemed to take drifters and pay them a decent wage for a hard day’s work. I needed the money so I planned to head there.

[Djakara]

After a hard day’s work I’d managed about thirty pieces of gold. I was tired, and sweaty and knew that while it might be satisfactory for a while, I wouldn’t want to live in Underwood all my life. The town was just too stifling, everyone seemed to know each other, and everyone seemed to know each other’s business far too intimately for me to be comfortable with. At the lumber yard I had been identified by three other people who had seen me in the tavern, one of them even knew that I had spent the night with Geneva. Of course, he assumed more happened than did.

Anyhow, I was tired, frustrated and generally not in the mood for much of her quirkiness when I came back to the Peaceful Promenade. She was working in the tavern, so I just went up the stairs and into her room. Seeing as she told me that I could stay there, I didn’t think she’d mind. I grabbed some water from a pitcher and poured it down my parched throat. I was about ready to lie down in her bed and fall asleep when Geneva came up the stairs.

“Did you go work at the lumberyard?” she asked, as if she found the entire idea too ridiculous for words.

“Yeah,” I said, implying that I really didn’t care much for conversation at the moment and just wanted some rest. “I’ll tell you about it when my shift’s over…”

“My shift’s been over for three hours…” Geneva said. “I was killing time down there, anyways, since when does a boy with your pretty hands go want to work with lumber.”

I took a deep exhale before replying. However, I sat up now and looked at her. “Then what were you doing down there waiting on people when you got a plan,” I countered. I figured that if she was going to want to argue, I was going to put her on the defensive.

She sighed. “You’re exasperating… anyhow, you lied to me yesterday.”

“I lied to you?”

“Yes.”

“’bout what!”

“About how much you were getting paid. There was nothing more than seventy five pieces of gold in your wallet.”

“What do you care, I said I’d give it to you…”

Geneva smiled sardonically, as if she knew I knew the answer to that question. She was after the same thing she had always been after, and had no intention of stopping. “What’s in it for you then…”

“I said there’s an army coming, I just want people to get ready…” I replied.

Geneva looked me over with the eyes of a waitress who had served a good variety of people, to the point where she had become an expert judge of character. I could tell that I didn’t seem to meet any of her molds. First she’d treated me like a love sick puppy she couldn’t wait to get rid of, and then she’d thought me some clever charlatan, now she was wondering if I really was some kind of hero.

“If you’re a hero… prove it,” she finally decided.

“How?” I asked.

“Show me the army,” she said.
I shook my head. “I’d get killed, and you probably would too, especially if it’s just the two of us…”

Geneva paused for a bit. “Well we’ll see,” she said. “Come down for dinner an hour after sunset… I’ll have something figured out by then…”

I didn’t say anything, but just watched as Geneva headed back down to the tavern. I tried to pass the time sleeping, but as tired as I was, I couldn’t get to sleep now. There was too much anxiety in the air.

[Djakara]

A couple hours later, when I made my way down to into the tavern area, I was going over in my mind all the things I wasn’t prepared to do. I wasn’t going to kill anyone. I’d done it before, but it was a shot in fear and not a shot in anger. Emotionally, I didn’t know if I could kill again. However, as I made it down to the tavern, it was pretty clear that I wasn’t going to have to fight anyone. Geneva seemed like she had lost all interest in figuring me out. Instead of moving around from table to table like she normally did, she was standing around this one table, playing with her hair and flirting.

“That girl must want some tip…” I said, trying to sound callous as I slid into a barstool. “Looks like she’s working that table like something fierce…”

The bartender just grunted, but after handing out a few drinks, leaned over the bar so that he could talk to me more discreetly. “Geneva likes them weird, but this one’s a bit far…” he said. “That guy, he come in here and gave this whole big bang ‘bout how he was recruitin’ for some army of his… nobody in here’s gonna listen. We all got better thin’s to do than join the army… if we wanned to be in the army hell of a lot we’d be doin’ in Underwood…”

I understood less than half of what the man said, given his rough accent and lowered tone, but I got enough of what he was talking about to know what was important. The person Geneva was now talking to and flirting with was from the Republic. My ears began to burn red with anger. I knew exactly what he was doing, he was coming to take people from Althanas back to the planet so that the Republic could continue to fight their damned war.

“Pathetic,” I mumbled to myself as I got up. I was going to have to take dire action now, something that was going to get people’s attention in this place. Somehow, without making it seem too obvious, I was going to have to pick a fight. The bar generally had its rules on fighting, but I knew that any fight I made would have to be in the Peaceful Promenade. Here, I had the advantage in that I’d been in Althanas long enough to know the way they fought here. Anywhere more secluded, I’d have to fight under Republic rules, which meant I’d be out powered by Republic weapons.

However, I knew I had to act quickly. I didn’t care much for Geneva talking to this guy, this prick from the Republic who was just here to cause trouble for a bunch of people he didn’t know. I had to think what I could do to start a fight, and before I could think of anything, I was already right next to Geneva and the stranger.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“No,” I said. I punched him square in the jaw. Then, without a moment’s explanation or even a bit of thought, I grabbed Geneva by her waist and kissed her right on the lips. “That’s my woman,” I said, not sure whether or not I was feigning jealousy as I said it.

Sometimes, it’s just wonderful when instincts take over.

[Djakara]

“Can I help you?” my fellow Citizen asked. He stood up and cracked his knuckles. I glanced at him only out of the corner of my eye before setting down a stunned Geneva in a chair. She didn’t say a word, and I was rather glad she didn’t, because I had no idea what she would have said. Also, I was glad that she didn’t hit me, but I suppose that was a matter for another day.

“So you think you’re a tough guy?” the Republic recruiter asked. He pushed me in the chest with both hands before I could retaliate. I stumbled backwards, but didn’t bump into anything. He was quite a bit bigger than me, I figured the size of his neck alone was bigger than my biceps. I gulped and took a quick glance at Geneva, who just continued to stare bug eyed. No one else in the tavern moved. It was completely surreal. A few people muttered things about stealing girls and kissing waitresses, but the only sounds I heard were the taunts from my planet-mate.

I bit my lip and hit at him with a punch. “Yeah I think I’m tough,” I countered. “Don’t you?”

I probably shouldn’t have talked trash like that. He grabbed my fist and twisted it, and I buckled under the pain. I winced, and braced myself for a meaty blow that struck me across the face. A few seconds later I was sprawled across a table, half eaten meat and elven wine strewn all over myself. I couldn’t even react before I was thrown against the bar again, and I just barely managed to duck underneath another meaty blow.

With my nose bleeding and eyes welling up with pain, I cupped my hand underneath my nose instinctively before trying to regain any sense of purpose. I was swimming in pain and gushing blood, and it was getting really hard to think. My balance was alright, though every muscle in my body offered resistance now when I tried to move.

If not for my opponent’s arrogance, I would have likely been dead within the next five minutes. However, like most people from the Republic, he had to go into a whole long self righteous speech before he could go and actually kill me. “I was just minding my business talking to the pretty lady,” the recruiter said. “I had just come in here to see if any of you wanted an opportunity. Seems like you’re all just a bunch of cowards. Last time I’ve seen a bar where nobody out here wants to fight. The only one in here who’s got the guts to hit me is a scrawny little shit who looks like he needs a tan…”

“In Dystopia I didn’t get much sun,” I replied back coldly, hoping the shock of him realizing where I was from would be enough to give me some kind of advantage.

It had the opposite effect. With a cruel smile on his face, my planet-mate pulled out a sharp dagger. He was going to kill me to protect the secret. I cringed. I should have thought of this possibility. Numbed by my own stupidity and the hopelessness of my situation I cringed and braced for the dagger. My eyes, as much as I would have wanted them to, did not have the courage to stay open.

[Djakara]

A second later, it was all over, but not as I had expected. The sound of a shotgun blast echoed through the tavern.

“I don’ know where yer from, but ye sure aint our type…” the bartender said, the barrel of his gun pointed at my aggressor. “An we don’ take to kindly to killin’ those who are…”

I was shocked. I was an alien from the same world as my enemy, but somehow, I had been inducted into the world of Corone. Somehow, I was part of their family.

“We stand by our people lad,” a dwarf said as he got up and banged his axe on the floor. “And you better not be messin with our boy…”

The entire bar seemed to mobilize behind my cause. At first I didn’t realize why, but then it all became so clear. With his stupid little speech, my nemesis had managed to turn this into more than a fight over a girl. It had now become the bar against him, the Republic against Corone, and on this day and in this place, Corone had the substantial advantage. I grinned.

The Republic recruiter still through the dagger at me, though it was knocked out of the sky by the shotgun. Someone else threw a knife of their own that landed right in the centre of the recruiter’s back. Overwhelmed and exhausted by the experience, I stumbled down onto the nearest chair, only to suddenly find both the bartender and Geneva staring over me, both offering a bit of ice and a glass of whiskey. I took both appreciatively.

“You’re stupid…” Geneva told me.

“Yeah, you are,” the bartender added. “An’ I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, at leas’ for a couple days. House rules an’ all…”

I didn’t even care at that point. I was just happy to be alive.

“He’s been staying with me…” Geneva said. “And he has no where else to go, Malcolm be kind…”

The bartender nodded. “Alright fer now,” he concluded. “But he’s out of ‘ere t’marra…”

Geneva probably accepted those terms, I’m not sure, because I’d passed out and when I woke back up, I was on her bed, bandaged and groggy. I remembered only having another dream with the rabbit, but this one was a lot less vivid. However, it was very different in one degree. Instead of saying tragedy, the rabbit now said peace.

Still, as I rubbed my eyes I discovered they were still tender and there was a cut above my eye all sewn up. It took me another few minutes before I discovered that I wasn’t wearing any pants.

[Djakara]

“I figured fair’s fair,” Geneva said, the moment she saw that I’d awoke. “You kiss me… I steal your pants.” Figuring it wasn’t worth arguing, I rose to get up without saying much. I didn’t want to get into this whole thing about how I kissed her, I knew it was a stupid decision that I made in the spur of the moment and that I shouldn’t have done it. However, before I could have said anything, Geneva mercifully changed the subject. “Stay in bed,” she ordered. “You should rest, there are stitches above your eye and they need time to heal, the doctor wanted you off your feet for a few days…”

“Doctor?” I asked confusedly. “Where’d you get the money for that…”

“Your pants…” Geneva replied without a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She paused a good moment before continuing. “Actually, that guy that got killed had over 3000 gold pieces in his wallet. Everyone in the bar took a share. Yours was about 200. I used most of that to pay.”

It was money I’d never seen, so I was fine with Geneva having already spent it. Two hundred seemed like a lot for a doctor, especially when I was still so damned sore from all the hits I’d taken. I guess they really didn’t have any pain reliever on Althanas other than whiskey though, so I had to take what I could get. I didn’t really feel much like arguing or discussing the matter, so I just let Geneva continue talking.

“And you know…” she continued. “We probably should have talked about that kiss. The last man to do that ended up in the sanatorium, but I think we can waive that for you…”

I grunted as if to show my sarcastic appreciation.

“Oh… I’m not done with you yet…” she said. She came over to the bed and planted a light peck on my cheek. “Lets get you healed up…”

I grinned. Perhaps too widely again
.
“Oh… you aren’t staying here once you’re well,” she warned me. “Not after that… Malcolm would kill me. You’re a weird kid, you know that, don’t you?”

I shrugged, or at least tried to. The muscles in my back hurt too much. I just took a deep exhale. “I guess so,” I managed.

“I’m not even going to try and figure you out…” she said. “But when you go on the road, you’re taking a present with you. I’m not losing you yet…”

I interrupted here, just because everything seemed so confusing. I only just realized that I really loved Geneva. I wasn’t sure why, or even if I should have been capable of loving someone who I had known for less than a week and had already stole from me. “You can’t lose me…” I started.

“Well… we’ll see,” she said. “I got this egg from a dealer. He says its some kind of bird that he got at an auction cheap, and that the dealer was shady. Sold it to me as a mystery egg for fifty gold pieces…”

“Why’d you buy a mystery egg?” I had to ask.

“Because it was what was left of your reward after the doctor bill,” Geneva replied matter of factly. “You’ll keep contact with me when you go. I’ll make sure people are ready to fight more bastards like the recruiter…”

I rolled my eyes. It was the least painful way to show my exasperation. Still, I wasn’t in too bad of a mood. The money was inconsequential. I had enough to cover my expenses and no real ambitions towards which to save. However, I couldn’t help but sense a sneaking suspicion that Geneva was also in love with me. I don’t know why she wanted me to leave, but at the moment, I figured I’d comply with what she asked. Things had worked out too much in my favor over the past couple of days for me to really complain. I had a home now in Corone, I was a part of their shared project, a project that would keep us ready to repel any Republic force that made its way back out from the portal.

In as much as there was a victory that day, the victory was mine. Things were always so much clearer in those old comic books I had back in the Republic.

(spoils request= mystery egg! It’ll hatch in another thread.)

[Sighter Tnailog]

Quest Judging
A Boy and His Epiphany

This was a nice simple thread, intended to advance a storyline in a small way and open up new avenues to explore a character. It will score solidly. Although not among the great works that characterize a writer's "canon," every author needs some simple stories here and there to prevent the reader from getting thoroughly bored by the shrill tedium that great literature can become.

Let me apologize in advance: the first-person style is not one I am familiar with judging, nor one that many are familiar with writing. Perhaps after another year or so of judging this style, I'll look back and realize how silly some of the things I may say are, but for now I'll do my best to make cogent comments on an unfamiliar stylistic medium.

And now, the judging.

STORY

Continuity ~ 7. This is a good example of how to write a good story. It was situated within the character's storyline and provided the motivations behind the action. Sometimes, though, I was confused as to the background of the story, especially with regard to the Republic.
Setting ~ 6. Good job having the elves playing guitar and the dwarves with their war stories -- setting is as much the people surrounding your characters as it is the things. But in this case, I felt these "things" were lacking. Make me see what you see!
Pacing ~ 6. A good job, although I thought the integration of Djakara among the Coronians was rather too swift for my liking. The thread depicted his interactions as solely between Geneva and Djakara, and for the bartender, given his limited contact with Jak, and the bevy of others to break off the fight for the reasons they did seemed a bit unrealistic. I could understand the bartender breaking up a fight in his bar because, well, it's a fight in his bar. But to break it up because of his support for Jak as a comrade -- that seemed a bit too rushed.
Story Total ~ 19

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 6. The dialogue was realistic. Not the most riveting or character-revealing I've seen, but it was generally motivated and rarely felt forced or contrived.
Action ~ 8. What I liked about the action in this thread was how much of it felt normal. A guy in need of a place to stay gets help from a sympathetic soul, and then actually takes some time to go do some manual labor. It's been a long time since I read of a character actually doing things that don't attempt to shatter the foundations of Althanas, at least not since the insufferable Red Hand resource threads. A couple points off, though, because the fight at the end, along with the actions of the tavern regulars (see above), seemed a bit contrived. You don't always need action to have good Action.
Persona ~ 6. Jak is believable and real, and his emotions seem true. Once again, though, the other characters involved lack emotional depth, in my estimation. This may be a result of the style choice -- it's much harder to depict emotions external to your character when using the first-person -- but I still think that anyone, regardless of point of view, should be able to portray other consciousnesses with emotional empathy.
Character Total~ 20

WRITING STYLE

Here, I would like to make an overall suggestion regarding verb tense. When I think to myself, most of the time my thoughts are in the present or future tense, as in "I need to do my homework," or "I am going to choir practice." I rarely think "I went to the store" unless I am in the midst of active recollection on that moment in time. Although my lack of experience in this point of view may render this idea laughable, allow me to suggest that in future threads you use tense more intentionally. Either frame the story as a recollection, thereby justifying the past tense (but also requiring consistent reminders as to the "remembrance" inherent in the story), or aim to use the more active present tense or the anticipatory future. This may hurt you more than it helps, but it's still a thought you might consider.

Technique ~ 5. I am not yet sure that you have mastered this point of view. Given my own lack of experience, I am at a loss to precisely articulate the particulars of this assessment. Please let my comments in the Clarity category serve to illuminate the score in this area.
Mechanics ~ 8. You follow the rules, that's enough. But I did notice some spelling problems -- instead of "threw," you said "through," when you meant the former. And when someone says something nice, it's a "compliment," whereas something that fits with another thing is said to "complement" it.
Clarity ~ 6. For the most part, I understood what you meant. However, sometimes the way in which thoughts and exposition mesh within this point of view can lead to confusion -- verbal constructs don't always translate to written clarity.
Writing Style Total ~ 19

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 5/10. In my view, this thread was fairly average. I don't want that to be considered a criticism. I honestly believe that all writers need their normal scores...if everything we produce scores a 95, then 95 loses its meaning. You still managed to pull off a thread in which I ended liking your character more than when I began, and that is part of what a good writer does.

TOTAL ~ 63

EXP AWARDS

Djakara gains 1200 EXP

GP AWARDS

After Djakara leaves, he will find 100 GP tucked away in his bags. Apparantly, someone decided to give him some of their 200-gold earnings...but who?

OTHER AWARDS

Mystery Egg granted

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!