A Jaunt Through the Woods

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

Continued from The Employment Kiosk (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=2699&page=3)

Fedlund stifled his indignation at being referred to as “Mr. Rabbit.” He thanks Bann and turns to the catgirl that is to be his partner in the endeavor.

“Greetings, I would welcome your company on this little jaunt through the woods. It would seem our next step should be in the direction of the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Come, we can get all the formalities out of the way on our walk.”

Fedlund and Nova leave the Kiosk and head into the town. A Radasanth guard directs them toward the government district of Radasanth, near the square housing the colossal statue of Radasanth. Fedlund introduces himself on the way.

“Now that we are on our way, let me introduce myself properly. My name is Sir Fedlund Overby of the Heath, Warden of the Mead, Baron of the Burrow and occasional Pilferer of Umbilleferae. You may not be accustom to one such as myself, for my race is not a common one. I am a Noble Hare, one of the finest four legged creatures you will ever have the pleasure to associate with. However, if we are to spend some time together, I must make one thing perfectly clear. I am a HARE, not a rabbit, and most certainly not a b…bu…b…well, it rhymes with FUNNY. I am certain you are a bright enough feline to figure that riddle out. It may be a failing of my better nature, but I find the word repulsive and sincerely wish it to be exorcised from the general vocabulary. And who might you be?”

[Nova]

Nova followed Mr. Rabbit, the creature was different to her, being he had fur all over his body and not just the ears and tail and the hair on the head. Also he talked funny and kept her translator busy, she could even hear the drone of the hardware in her brain work fast to compensate for the big words.

Seemed that the pair was drawing a lot of attention as the many passer bys had a passing interest in the furries. But the interest was deleting since furries weren’t the most rare, and Nova looked like the common cat girl with the insides being the difference.

“A noble hair… You don’t seem like a hair.” Nova pointed to the long blue locks on her head being rather confused since the software of the translator made her thing of the especially long fur on her head. “This is hair and it’s just a part of me, guess it’s cause you have lots of hair that you’re called that, right?” Nova asked in all Naiveté.

“Well me, I’m Nova, just plain Nova, I guess I’m a cybernetic catgirl.” The cyber kitty offered a smile of greeting. “It should be really fun working with you Mr. Rabbit. I hope the guy were protecting’s going to be a fun person too.”

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

Again, Fedlund grimaces at the use of the word “rabbit.” The ancient and bitter split between the rabbits and hares is a long and old story, one to be told at another time. However, the implications of referring to one incorrectly are most grievous. Hares are definitely NOT rabbits and rabbits are definitely NOT hares. While the similarities may make them indistinguishable to humanoids, the differences are substantial. In fact, any zoologist worth his salt shaker, much less his salt, will tell you that in the grand organizational scheme of organisms, rabbits and hares are only connected at the level of the Order, along with pikas, differentiating them strongly from one another at the family, genus, and species levels.

All this to say, hares, especially Noble Hares who can actually understand speech, do NOT like being called Mr. Rabbit. However, they are gracious and noble creatures and will always try to give those ignorant to their offense a chance for redemption. This “cybernetic catgirl” is clearly one of those cases.

“Hold your speech for a moment there, little one. Allow me to explicate a few rudimentary points that you simply must understand when dealing with a fellow such as myself. First, I am a hare. That is spelled H-A-R-E, not H-A-I-R. H-A-I-R is a reference to the collected dead proteins that sprout from the bodies of all mammalian creatures. H-A-R-E is an ancient and noble race of mammals known for speed, cunning, and of course, remarkably good looks. I am a particular species of hare known as a Noble Hare, being called Lepus nobelus if properly classified.”

To attach an adequate degree of importance to his next statements, Fedlund stops and pulls Nova to the side of the street where there are no distractions. Crouching on his back legs, he looks Nova directly in the eyes to ensure that there is no misunderstanding in what he is about to say.

“Noble Hares are NOT rabbits nor should they ever be called such. It is a grave insult, more disparaging than I can possibly express to you. It is a long and bitter past between the rabbits and hares and it is unkind to remind us of those days gone by. And that wretched term…bu…bu…oh tazzle-tongued, I can’t even say it. Here.”

Fedlund scratches in the dirt with his claw, spelling out in big letters the word B-U-N-N-Y for Nova to see.

“That is even worse than rabbit. Please, for the sake of my own reputation, do not ever refer to me in such heinous manner as I do not wish to be held accountable for my actions afterward, although I fear society as a whole would not understand my rage and would hold me quite responsible.”

Hoping his meaning and the gravity of the situation is perfectly clear to Nova, Fedlund shifts quickly from grave to jolly, flashing a friendly smile.

“Not to worry, other than that one little tid-bit, I have nary a care in the world. Come along my new-found-feline-friend. The diplomat awaits us. Tell me more of yourself as we walk. We will be well acquainted by journeys end, we should start on the right paw. At the least, I can see that you are a delightfully mirthful creature, a trait whose value cannot be overstated.”

Rising again to his full height, Fedlund is careful to obscure any evidence of the writing in the sand before resuming the trek toward the government district, now only a few blocks away.

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

Haven’t heard anything from Nova, going solo. If anyone reads this and might want to join up, shoot me a PM.

The catgirl does not seem to understand what Fedlund is trying to communicate.

“What are you saying bunny man?”

Rather than aim a swift kick at the offending vocal mechanism of the cyborg, Fedlund bolts as only a hare can. In a moment he is halfway down the street and lost among the crowds, the diminutive Nova lost to view. Once he is certain he will no longer have to bear the abominable title of bunny from that particular source, Fedlund resumes a more leisurely stroll.

Upon reaching the government district, it is evident that something is amiss in Radasanth as shouts of exuberance, fear, and anger echo through the square in a strange call and response.

“The Underwood Contingent is a pack of wild dogs! They will be the end of us all if we do not put down the rabble immediately.”

“They may be dogs, for the Viceroy pigs have cast them into the street. But they are FREE dogs. Better a free dog than a bound RAT such as yourself.”

Dog…pig…rat…you would think being a four legged mammal was a crime unto itself. I would protest, but none of them look all that interested in inter-species politics, something else has definitely drawn their ire.

Careful listening, and reading two opposing placards found on a nearby wall, clarifies the situation a great deal.

Oh dear, it seems I have come at the most inopportune of times. But, I do still have a job and if ever a diplomat is needed, now I suppose is the time. I will do what I have said I would do.