A friendly bout. (Battle, closed)

[Christoph]

A cold breeze rustled the lush green leaves and pine needles of the forest just north of Christopher's town. He always liked these cool, late-summer afternoons. He found that they had a certain romaniticized, storybook feel to them. The birds sang, the bees buzzed, the sun was shining, and all that other cliche nonsense. The best part was that he had the afternoon off at the Tavern. He wouldn't have to be back until dark, which gave him quite a while to walk around. That is, if he didn't have plans to meet up with one of his good friends.

After thirty minutes of walking, Christopher arrived at a large Oak; it was their standard meeting place. The tree was truly massive, like a great pillar holding up the sky. He looked up and saw that the sun was at it's peak. Its light glared harshly on the white chef coat that Chris was still wearing. His hat, however, was left behind and a mop of curly brown hair now sat unconfined atop his head.

"She's late," he said to himself as he leaned against the sturdy trunk.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

The wind rustled through the oak, as laughter burst out above.

"I'm not late!" Came a jovial toned voice. "You are!" Heather threw an acorn she'd picked up earlier off the forest floor, aiming it at his head. "Now take that stupid outfit off! You came here to spar, not cook."

Without a warning, she dropped out of the tree, her golden hair splaying out around her, and her arms and legs stretched out like a flying squirrel. She dropped the short distance to land on top of him, before rolling off just as quickly, picking up her staff that had been hidden under the leaves.

"Defend yourself, young master chef! For I, Heather the Lex challenge you to a duel for your soles!" She paused... "If you win, you don't have to walk around barefoot." She said perkily, grinning.

[Christoph]

"Hey!"shouted Chris as he felt the acorn bounce off the top of his head. "What are you doing up--" He was cut off as Heather jumped down and landed on to of him. He tumbled to the ground and grumbled as she issued her challenge. He stood and brushed himself off, before taking his white coat off, leaving only his light tan shirt.

"Very well, but if I win, you're buying the drinks next time we go to Ormont."

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

She stood before Christopher as he dusted himself off, holding the staff in front of her, one end planted on the ground. Its jeweled cap was well crafted, and the rest of it very well decorated. She'd have to be careful not to dent it too much...

Heather's long blonde hair flowed down her back. The very end of her hair just touched her belt, and it all managed to usually keep to the back of her shoulders, never getting into her face much.

She was wearing a grey tunic over a beige shirt leaving only her arms and a v-shaped opening near the collar showing skin. A deceptively narrow green skirt you'd never think she could run in covered all but her ankles and feet, which had hand-crafted leather boots with thick running soles underneath. In actuality, her skirt was two open bottom legging sleeves and two strips of fabric, one strip hung over the front half of it all, the other over the back... so until she kicked or started running, nobody could be the wiser.

She wasn't an athlete or warrior, but was accustomed to horsing around with her friends, so she'd developed quite some muscles, which showed on her forearms, whose muscles flexed under the bronze skin. She managed to be quite toned for sparring, but compared to a real warrior, she was just dead wheat.

Her outfit was loose fitting, as a rule, Christopher wasn't allowed to grapple, wrestle or throw her around... Not yet anyways. She had promised him a couple years ago that if he did throw her without her permission, by her hair or clothes, it didn't matter, she'd spike his bar's foodstuffs with poisons, and ruin his business. Nothing to kill anyone, but after several people eat at the same pub and vomit just before they leave, the rest of the patrons get the message.

At any rate, she took her staff in both hands, holding it out in front in a defensive pose.

"Your move." She said simply, smiling.

[Christoph]

"Oh come on, we're not playing cards at the tavern," Chris retorted, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged. "Well, if you insist." He knelt down next to his brown pack and untied his straight, pointed dueling sword before digging through the bag itself. He grumbled when he realized that his knives weren't there. As a replacement, he produced a large metal spoon instead, and gripped it with his off hand. It was heavy, and about eight inches long.

"I'm sure that my choice of weapons has already inspired great fear in you," Chris jested, standing up. He stood with his feet parallel and angled forward like a fencer, with his sword held in his right hand, pointed toward Heather and at a 45 degree angle to the ground. Chris smiled and took a sharp step forward, opening the bout with a swift and simple vertical strike at his opponent.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Easily bringing up the staff to block the sword, Heather put on a face of shock and surprise.

"Christopher!" She exclaimed in false alarm, "I had no idea you could be so imprudent! To attempt spooning with me in broad daylight?!" She looked directly at the spoon.

"Oh, but my, that is a big... shiny... spoon..." She smiled at him, sheepishly. Then dropped her staff to one side, letting the blade slide off.

Stepping into his guard, she brought the low end of her staff up towards his chest in a swinging attack.

[Christoph]

Chris was almost too stunned by Heather's comment to react to her attack. Fortunately, though, he was well aware that such remarks were not beyond her. Granted, she’s gradually become more… liberal with her words over the past year or so. Chris back stepped just fast enough to give his light, quick sword a chance to flick around and block the strike.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he chuckled. “Besides, I know that you like forks better… But, you’ll have to settle this time.” With that, Chris tightened his grip on his improvised weapon and drove it toward her face.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Heather quickly brought her staff up and to the left, deflecting his attack before the spoon got to her face. Taking advantage of his sword arm's position, she kicked at his wrist, to try to make him drop the blade.

[Christoph]

"Ow!" Christopher's response to feeling the kick wasn't exactly a yell, but it expressed considerable discomfort all the same. He winced from the pain but kept his grip solid. Realizing that his options were limited with his sword and spoon both locked up on either side of his staff, Chris aimed a firm head butt at Heather’s face, before disengaging and hopping swiftly backwards. "Always playing rough, aren't you?"

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Staggering back, Heather cupped her nose with her hand. A red ribbon streaking down over her mouth and chin.

"Dannit... Nod dis again..." She said, holding her nose between index fingers. She winced, squeezing on the outer part as she pushed out and re-set the cartilege back into the rest of her nose. "I should haff durd my face away, should'd I?" She said, collected, but stuffed as her nose was still running blood.

"Hold on for a second, okay?" She asked, bending down to a bag she'd set at the side of the tree on the side opposite where Chris originally had been standing. Reaching into the bag, she pulled out a white and greenish substance with veins of red through it. Roughly a chalice-full in the container. She took a sip, tilted her head back and then snorted the stuff out. "Ahhh!" She half-screamed, still not used to the burning sensation, but the blood stopped. Swigging some water from a skin she had with her, she snorted that out too, using a towel in the bag to wipe her face...

"Nice maneuver there. Shall we continue?" She asked, assuming an offensive stance, bottom of the staff pointed forward. Her nose wasn't exactly healed, but the blood was stopped and there wouldn't be an infection... And her passageways were cleared so she could breathe...

[Christoph]

"Oh, sorry about that," Chris apologized. "I meant to aim a little higher." He waited for Heather to return to a readied stance before he prepared for his next attack. He’d chosen to stick with his balanced stance, though he was now remaining slightly mobile by circling around. The real purpose for this was to keep the sun out of his eyes, rather than to achieve any sort of positional advantage.

“Anyway, yes, let us continue.” With that, Chris stepped forward as he did with his opening offensive. He flicked the tip of his sword forward and town again in another vertical strike. This time, however, he pulled back at the last second and hastily twitched his wrist to swing the sword around and down at a wide angle, aiming a strike at her hip.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

She bent sideways, letting his sword slide past her hip, then brought the bottom of her staff under the blade, she pushed out and closed the distance, spinning opposite the sword to close and bring her elbow to his chest. Also, raising her right foot in front of his groin, she bourhg her elbow back hard and swift.

[Christoph]

Chris didn’t take any real measures to avoid her elbow. The main reasons for this were that he didn’t expect it to hurt quite as much as it did and because he had a potential kick to the groin in the near future to worry about. Once most of the air was forced from his lungs, however, he realized that he should have chosen a more comprehensive defensive plan.

“You’ve gotten stronger,” Chris gasped, right before taking a swing at the side of her head with his spoon.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Heather spun away, her hair flying around her, blooming like a flower. Coming to a stop a leg's distance from him, she set the bottom end of her staff into the ground, taking a conqueror stance.

"Do you yeild?" She asked, knowing in all likelihood he still had some fight in him. She seldom kicked Chris between the legs, and even fewer times threatened it without carrying through. As she waited for him to recouperate, she took a swig from her water-skin.

"Come on then... if you're not going to give up, try to beat me!" she said, bouncing up and down to keep her legs warmed up.

[Christoph]

Christopher’s answer came in the form of a quick backhanded second swing with his spoon at her head as he adjusted his sword so that it was perpendicular to the ground in a defence position.

“Well, you’ve been practicing, no doubt,” Chris replied, retreating back a step after the spoon swing, his sword still in a defensive position. “And sure, a sword can’t quite cut it against a staff. But I’m certainly not about to give up just yet.”

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Heather pulled her head back as the spoon came across, the tip of it just barely missing her nose.

She stepped close, positioning herself for a staff blow to his legs, but also, seemingly unwittingly, leaving her head exposed to his spoon arm again.

"Apparently, you just don't learn..."

[Christoph]

Chris rotated his sword 90 degrees and brought it down to block Heather's staff. It wasn't an easy task, however, because the weight of her staff against the weight of his dueling sword created a significant amount of kinetic energy in Heather's favor. Christopher's sword arm was forced to exert considerable effort just to keep the blade from recoiling at him.

In quick retaliation, Chris struck at her face with his spoon once again. This time, however, he opted for a fast, direct attack rather than a wide swing.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Spinning to the right as the spoon slapped her cheek, she let out a small cry of pain as she fell, slowing her fall by first falling on her knees, then rolling on her arms, she held her face. Blood trickled down from her cheekbone, into her hair.

"Aaah!" She cried out, seemingly in pain. "You cut me!" tears welled in her eyes.

[Christoph]

"I'm sorry," said Chris, examining his spoon before tossing it onto the ground. He hadn't realized that it was that sharp. He felt a twinge of guilt as he stepped over to her. "Are you all right? I didn't mean to get you with the edge." Chris lowed his sword and walked up next to her.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Heather was sitting up now, propped up on her right hand with her left holding her cut, a little bit of blood still dribbling out. Chris was on her left, and she balled her right hand into a fist without him noticing then swung into his gut.

"You let your guard down..." She muttered just before she swung.

[Christoph]

The blow struck home and forced a good deal of the air from his lungs again. Chris had all he could to to avoid doubling over from the unexpected attack.

"Why you underhanded little..." he coughed, shoving her harshly from the side. "No more sympathy for you." His eyes narrowed and his sword tip was now pointed directly at her shoulder. His other hand, now free since he'd discarded the spoon, was pressed against the spot on his stomach where she'd punched him

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

She batted one hand at the side of the sword, reaching for the handle, and moving too close for the tip to be a danger anymore without him first backing up.

She reached for the handguard while her other hand went for his throat.

"Do you yeild?!" She asked, urgently not wanting to hurt him but willing to coax sumbission from him if necessary...

[Christoph]

"You... wish..." choked out Chris. He brought his free hand up to struggle with Heather's prospective strangling hand. After fighting for a short moment to gain a good footing, Chris rammed his knee forward, at her stomach. At the same time, he let go of his sword and used the now free hand to grip the arm who's hand had been restraining his sword use.

He drove forward with what strength he could muster and made a forceful attempt at ramming her into their tree.

[Tigurio_hatesHer]

Winded by the knee, she was helpless to fight back and momentarily passed out when he slammed her back into the tree. Her head lolled and her arms went limp. Her full weight no longer supported by her own muscles. She started to slide towards the ground, out of his grip.

[Christoph]

Chris caught her as she began to tumble to the ground. He sighed, setting her down gently on the soft grass and sitting next to her, leaning against the tree. He felt a bit guiltly about it, although he knew that she would be fine. He chuckled as the sun began it's long decent, calling forth a cool late-afternoon breeze. "Well, I guess I get to keep my shoes." He was quite certain he's still be picking up the bar tab that night, though.

[AdventWings]

Hi, Christoph and Tigurio! How are you enjoying Althanas? Hopefully not too dull, of course. :D

Anyways, My name is Raven and I'll be your Thread Judge for this friendly battle. In fact, part of the fun on Althanas is getting feedback from the Judges looking over your threads and knowing your strengths as well as the different areas you can improve in. Because this is a battle, I will detail the scores for both of you side-by-side in the format Christoph:Tigurio.

With no further delays, here is your Judgment!

Story

This category here soughly speaks about your strength and weaknesses in story outlining as well as the rhythm of your story. In battles, it is a bit different but not completely so that it is hard to see.

Continuity - 4:4

Continuity is one aspect of the story that establishes the timeline of the events in the thread as well as telling the readers how the story unfolding here ties into the bigger picture for all the characters involved. In other words, this tells the reader When the story is taking place.

For both Christoph and Tigurio, I find it a bit hard to pinpoint exactly when the events happening here took place. In fact, it seemed like the entire story came out of the blue and just smack-dab in the middle of Athanas. I find that having a bit of motive for the characters helps this a bit, as I also found in your story-telling. However, it believe there could be more elaboration to this.

Setting - 4:3

When Continuity asks When, Setting asks Where the story is taking place. An open field of golden wheat, a lush green forest with shimmering beams of light or a damp, dark dungeon somewhere under the streets of Salvar. Asides for playing the backgrop of the events taking place, good use of Setting takes it one step further and interact with the characters and vice versa. Tree branches rustle as a person pushes it aside, birds flap away when someone shouts out loud in a forest and water seep into clothing if a character falls into a river. There are just so many ways to interact with the surrounding that it is quite impossible to list them all, if not merely mathematically improbable to do so in a single human lifetime.

For this particular battle, mention of your characters' surrounding was sporatic at best, sometimes a vivid picture being drawn in my mind and then for the rest of the thread it was practically nonexistent. Also, the overall image that yur description evoked in my mind was not exactly what I imagined Salvar being like, considering that the Northern Continent is usually forever in ice and snow. Setting not only details the environment, but it also sets up and influences the mood of the overall story as well as draw interest from the readers, one goal any writer should strive for with their story. Take some advice from my examples and integrate it into your story. It should help add some spice to your stories.

Pacing - 3:3

This basically tells the reader How the story progresses from start to finish. Is it fast-paced, action-packed or is it slow, brooding and ominous from the first paragraph to the last? Also, the techniques and literary devices can all affect how the story paces itself from start to finish. Appropriate use of story pacing can really enhance the mood of the story.

For a battle such as this, a good fast-pacing story is beneficial. However, there is such thing as "too fast" for a battle. This falls into the "Too Fast" category, sadly. The action scenes literally fly by with little to hold on to. For Tigurio, the bit in her second post was very out of place as she took the time to describe her clothing, something that did not fit into the flow of the battle at all. The shortness of each post also worsened the pacing of the story and it started to end up as "who could reply the quickest" contest. The content, however, was fairly good and will be even better if elaborated upon with literary techniques to enhance the readers' mood. This is one category both of you should work on. Also, don' t be afraid to have moderately long posts. Sometimes, less is more. But from what I see, you need to work a bit more and spend more time writing each post.

Writing Style

This aspect of the story details the styles and techniques you used throughout the story. This will speak of your writing mechanics, literary devices employed in your writing as well as how effective you were able to convey your story.

Mechanics - 6:5

Mechanics basically addresses the issue of whether or not you followed the Standard English Writing Mechanics. Common things such as punctuation, commas, sentence fragmentation and run-on sentences. Intentional misuse of writing mechanics are encouraged, however, when the message is clearly conveyed.

For this, little battle, most of the Standard English Writing Mechanics had been followed to the dot, but nothing stood out and there was little play on the system itself. Also, both of you used mostly pronouns and proper nouns which is fine in and of itself. Oer time, however, it becomes redundant and a tad uninteresting. Try throwing in some more variation to sentence style to see how the story changes. Try it out once and a while when you start to feel your sentences get a little boring. ;)

Technique - 4:4

Technique is an umbrella term we judges used to address the usage of literary devices such as foreshadowing, metaphor, simile, personification and the likes. Not only do they have to be used, but if it is used at proper times and intervals the effects are very impressive.

Throughout the thread, I actually saw little use of any of such literary devices so there was not much I could comment on. Try using some to enhance your story the next time you get a chance. :D

Clarity - 6:6

Is your story understandable? Are the sentences coherent and form together to create a story? Clarity answers these questions as well as give a guide to whether the different events happening throughout the story makes sense or not.

This was a fairly straight-forward battle thread with little distraction to confuse the reader, though at certain points and times there are sentences that can, and had, confused the readers. I am tempted to score you lower here, but the quality of the battle here warranted just about this much.

Character

One of the central aspects of any interesting soty is, interestingly enough, interesting characters. We're not talking Interesting in the superhero sense, but also in the Human aspect as well.

Dialogue - 5:6

Not every character can speak and not all words can be spoken. However, when they do, speech can move the mind and soul when properly used. Still, even when nothing is spoken at all, strong emotions can be conveyed and and touch the readers' hearts. In this instance, "Silence is Golden."

Much of the speech and dialogue in this battle took place mostly between Christoph and Heather as they duel in the shadow of a great oak with a sword, a giant spoon and an ornate staff. I find words that came out from Heather suited her personality and circumstances better than the sometimes long-winded ones Christoph used in the middle of the bout. Sometimes it was a bit much, though, and internal dialogue can really add more to your character. Good dialogue not only helps the characters interact with others, but also tell the readers something about the character themselves.

Action - 4:5

Does your character act according to their comprehension of reality and their internal emotions? Are they believable in their decisions and resolve? This is the issue addressed here and ties into your characters' mindset and personality. A simpleton would not be able to come up with a brilliant plan in the heat of conflict, but he may stand up in defense of his friends in dire situations.

For the most parts, your characters' actions are a bit erratic and random, though I am beginning to pick up some trend and pattern to the style of portrayal and response from your characters. Not overly impressive or taken for the most parts, but fairly understandable and easy to comprehend. Some more elaboration in the narration can help let the readers understand what exactly is running through their heads that translate into their response and initiative. Remember that even though the actions of your characters are understandable to you, it may not be apparent to others who don't know wout characters.

Persona - 4:4

How your character develop over time is more than just how powerful the skills become - in fact, that is the least of our interest. What is far more interesting and worth following is how the character develops internally - Emotional development is among the strongest aspect of development a character can have. This part details how the internal play on emotions correspond - or contrast - with your characters and how the story affects your character at an emotional level.

Not much development here at all or any clear signs of emotional response. One of the downside of having such short posts, of course, is the apparent lack of detail regarding action and reaction from the individual characters. When more characters come into play, you will find that longer posts are necessary to detail the complexities of each character at more than just subliminal levels.

Miscellaneous

What we the Judges can't comment in the other categories mentioned above, we do it here. This is also is where us Judges award extra points for going above and beyond expectations in certain aspects of the story.

Wild Card - 5:5

This is the Wild Card category. Need I say more? ;)

OK! Even though this was a rather quick, hasty battle, I feel that both of you have potential for something more complex and interesting in future writing. I encourage you to play around with your writing a bit and add more complexity to your characters. Sometimes, letting them do their thing without us dictating every single breath of air they're taking can lead your story... Somewhere you'd never expected to see.

Total~! - 45:45

Winner - Well, whaddaya know? It's a tie!

Christoph receives 500 EXP and 100 GP from... Somewhere in the Tavern.
Tigurio receives 500 and 100 GP as well. From somewhere I would not entirely know.

Good luck and have fun, Nya~!

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added, congrats dudes! You're both 25% of the way to leveling up, and leveling up is EXCITING!