Sir Fedlund Overby vs. Farmboy

[Ther]

This match-up will last until 8 P.M. E.S.T. on 2/16/07. Remember, if you finish your battle early, I can score you early - and finishing early is a good, good thing always.

Best of luck!

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

Flitting carefree across the landscape, a small wren cuts her path across the sky toward a small compound of buildings. The day is beautiful, sun bursting through spotty clouds against a sapphiric sky, only a touch of a breeze to stir the air. The pristine weather lends an even more peaceful atmosphere to the farm below as the wren alights briefly on the weather vane of the barn. For a moment, the serenity is broken as a rooster in the yard crows his displeasure at the wren for occupying a place the rooster clearly feels is his alone. Not being particular about her roost, the wren takes again to the air, passing over a pen of pigs and the rustic home accompanying the barn before flapping her way across the fields to the dirt road that marks the boundary of the fields. After following the beaten path for a few flaps, she wraps her claws around one of the lower branches of a tall oak to observe a most fascinating beast.

Rooting along the side of the road, an absurdly oversized hare makes his way along a fence. The creature, despite its size, acts like a Common Hare. To stay in the taller grass, which helps his stealth not in the least, he gravitates toward the fence and the trees along the path. Loping about on all fours, it sniffs the ground for the scent of vegetable or predator, ears twitching to pick up the slightest indication of an interloper.

The wren, despite not possessing of great intellect, recognizes that this is not a Common Hare. It is in fact Sir Fedlund Overby, one of a very slight number of Noble Hares. Typically Fedlund can be found jaunting about the city fully clothed, interacting naturally and comfortably with all manner of sentient beings in markets, bars, and even The Citadel on occasion. However, at this moment, something is distinctly different about Radasanth’s favorite Lepus.

Unclothed, his slate grey fur is a bit dusty from bounding across the dirt packed road. His normal equipment, including Noble Lances and Elencia, is nowhere to be seen. The normal, intelligent glimmer in his eye is missing, leaving the lively but instinctual luster of Commonhood. Indeed, despite retaining his size, Fedlund’s Noble characteristics have been suppressed, leaving him as nothing more than a brobdingnagian Common Hare.

Thus devolved, Fedlund makes his way to the edge of the field where he catches the most powerful of aromas, known to drive even the most stable of hares into a frenzy. Sitting back on his haunches, Fedlund raises his head to survey the heavenly scene, nose quivering with anticipation. There, in row upon glorious row, lay the holy grail of Leporidae everywhere. Even a rabbit, despite their simple ways when compared to a hare, could appreciate a neatly furrowed field of Daucus carota, commonly known as carrots.

[Farmboy]

Long the day had been. Tilling the fields, tending to the animals, exterminating the rodents. It had been so long since Braden did any real work on the farm that he had forgotten just how much sweat comes with such work. Luckily he had his beautiful surroundings to keep him company, to keep him whole. He needed all of his senses and strength to work the fields, but Braden's mind has been elswhere of late. Often off and thinking of that frightening day in Radasanth.

He sat alone on the wagon, left to the slums and filth to wash over him. They had brought in crop that day in hopes of selling it, but it seemed Father had other things in mind. Instead, he took Braden to a local tavern dubbed the Barrel of Monkeys and surprised his son more than once. Many revelations were made that day. Never had the young man known that Father owned a sword, nor did he know that Father had little trouble traversing the paths of the desperate and discontent.

But, like all things, people have their secrects and their lies. They cling to them desperately hoping to one day find that the suffering was not all in vain. To find at the end of a long and winding path, a place where they could rest their head in peace for all eternity, away from the secrets and the lies. Braden was never much for such talk, theories of the afterlife, ponderings of the world unseen, but when the thoughts did come to mind, they came elaborately and beautifully.

Which left him wondering even more why the thoughts were so few and far between. Before he could continue the thought, though, the crowing of the family rooster -- which was often in the wrong time of the day -- pulled Braden from his contemplation. Breathing deeply, Braden looked up to the sky and could not help but smile at its brilliance. The gods truly picked a wondrous day to be had. If only they could help him enough to gain a short reprieve from his work.

And no sign could have better caught his attention -- well, other than a large celestial hand descending from the sky and pointing a stubby finger. Off in the distance the young man saw what seemed to be a large rabbit rummaging through the fields. At first, the sight of such a creature gave him pause, but when he further ventured the fact that this rabbit-person was eating its way into their food, Braden could not help but be forced into action.

So with a smile on his face, he retrieved his pitchfork and gripped it tightly. This will be interesting, he thought to himself and he ran off to confront his would-be foe.

[Sir Fedlund Overby]

With the scent of carrot in his nostrils, Fedlund hops boldly to the center of the field, searching for the choicest of morsels to uproot. Settling on a spot, he digs for a few moments around a nicely ripened taproot, loosening it from the well-groomed dirt. Engrossed in his work, he fails to notice Braden until he has crossed the boundary into the cultivated patch. When his ears pick up the sound of the pounding feet of the farmboy, Fedlund snaps into action. Gripping the stalks of the carrot in his teeth, his back paws kick up earth as he sets into motion. Alas, it is a sad occurrence that the hasty extraction of the carrot snaps off the deepest point of root, spoiling the perfection that Fedlund had hoped for from this vegetable. However, he still manages to make off with a hefty portion of orange flesh hanging from his clinched jaw.

A cloud of dust and blur of fur race away from Braden, exiting the plot of dirt. Without the accompanying cloud, Fedlund is visible loping through the grass before circling back in a wide arc to disappear behind the house. After a few short hops past the corner, Fedlund stops. Unfortunately, for a common hare, existence is based on sight more than memory. Thus, with Braden out of sight in the field on the other side of the homely building Fedlund turns his full attention back to the carrot.

The eating of an exemplary specimen of vegetable grandeur is an intricate and complex task, though well practiced by all of hare-kind. A quick roll in the grass, consisting of two pushing and two pulling strokes, serves to remove the majority of the residual debris lingering from the removal process. Rapid brushing motions with each paw, left then right then left then right, completes the cleaning process. The carrot is now prepared to be partaken of. However, you cannot just go about biting into it like you would any old burrito or hot dog. No, there is a specific method to the eating of this variety of orangey goodness. A common hare should place the aerial parts, that is, stalks, of the carrot firmly against the ground between ones paws, thus directing the narrowing point of the root at the mouth. Chewing from thin to thick, eating may now commence. This allows for the dining lepus to consume the sweetest, most tender portion of the carrot first, lest his meal be interrupted by any manner of unsavory company that might warrant a rapid retreat.

Of course, thinking like a common hare, Fedlund attempts this technique to its full extent. While detailed and exacting, the process is very rapid and Fedlund is soon ready take the first, luscious chomp into the carrot. Following procedure, he plants the carrot between his paws for the first bite, only to find that, owing to his unusual size, a great distance separates his eager teeth from their vegetable target. For the briefest of moments, Fedlund is puzzled that the age old tradition seems to be failing him now. However, hares are flexible in both mind and body, adapting quickly to the most abnormal of situations with the greatest of ease. With very little pomp nor circumstance, he simply raises the carrot to his face and proceeds to gnaw off a sizeable portion in one fell swoop, feasting on the treat.

[Ther]

Sir Fedlund Overby wins by disqualification and earns 50 EXP and 50 GP.