Kill My Confidence

[Zook Murnig]

Alright, I'm interested in hearing what people honestly have to say about my writing so far on Althanas. The links to my non-tourney threads are in my sig, and my tournament battle with Atzar Kellon is here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4310).

Tear me apart, folks. That's the best way to do it.

[Karuka]

All right, I read your solo back when you linked me to it, and while it was solidly written and mostly mechanically sound, it lacked...verve. Life.

You use your descriptions to detract from the lack of forward motion, and when you did have forward motion, it was like "Okay, moving..." and then it went back to the descriptions.

Give it some life, kid.

[Rajani Aishwara]

Time to kill it, but allow me to inflate it a bit first. I read your solo before all of this, and the solo is awsome. So far I like the way you wrote in the solo better. Perhaps it was due to the month's planning, but I attribute it to something else... Continuity. If I hadn't read the solo or your profile, I'd be a little confused as to who and where your character is.

[Zook Murnig]

Thank you both for your scathing, if a little lackluster, remarks. I will try to work on the problems mentioned.

Any more takers? Best shot. Won't even fight back.

[Karuka]

Lackluster was my complaint against you, don't you dare turn it on ME.

[Storm Veritas]

For the most part, it's very good. You can be concise, and you can give sufficient detail to bring in the reader. A difficult combo. There is also some creative style to your writing, without being overbearing or gimmicky.

My only complaint is that it seems like there are times that you try to force setting down peoples throats. The last paragraph of your first post in the battle is an example; the description of the dragon there is sort of gratuitous detail there, because it was just a passing glance. This disrupts the flow of an otherwise seemless post, and feels a little out of place.

Obviously, having to nitpick that much to find something that sort of seems wrong means you're doing most of it right.

P.S.: Every time I look at your user name, I read it backwards.

Gin
Rum
Kooz

It's good to have vices. :D

[Atzar]

If the battle ended right now, you would win. My posts have been somewhat long and boring, a mistake that I didn't notice until it was too late to correct. I've got some catching up to do, right now.

What you need to do is this: I've noticed that when you battle (particularly with Zel Donovan) your posts get short and elemental as you get into the action. Remember that your character doesn't stop thinking, doesn't stop feeling, when he's battling. If you can avoid that little tripwire, then I think you have quite an advantage over me. All I have to say other than that is "good luck."

It's all up to Santhalas in the end.

[Zook Murnig]

Thank you for your comments. I actually hesitated to use that particular description of Zirkan, but I wanted to avoid more lackluster writing, like "blue scales."

And it seems I have forgotten to add in my alternate characters in this discussion. I have done very little writing with any of them. They are: Zel Donovan, Leon Adalbert, Rhonwen Bel, and Aurt (with whom I have done NO writing).

P.S. I have never heard of Kooz, but Atzar and I agree that it does sound like alcohol.

[Storm Veritas]

When I hear "kooz", I think cooze, which is an old-timey slang for poontang.

[The Bard]

Whats a poontang? also your pretty good not bad and I would love you to stick to althanas cause I have a feeling you could be amazing not better than me of course but amazing ;)