View Full Version : Division 1: Madryn vs. Karuka Tida
This match-up will last until 8 P.M. E.S.T. on 2/16/07. Remember, if you finish your battle early, I can score you early - and finishing early is a good, good thing always.
Best of luck!
((Battle of the level 0's, woo! I took a bit of liberty in creating a story here, I hope you don't mind.))
The assassin skulked along the edge of the forest, a delicate hand fondling thoughtfully the kukri that lay across his chest, strapped there in a sleeve sewn into his chainmail.
Today would be dedicated to the spilling of human blood, but it was an otherwise typical morning off the west edge of Concordia. The sun was low in the sky, rising rapidly, and a cool wind was chilling the whole of the island. Clouds danced about, but there was no threat of rain.
The Karuka bitch was somewhere beyond the clearing ahead, picking her way through the forest for whatever reason. He figured she was making her way to Underwood, a haven for the more reclusive citizens of Corone, but he had plenty of time to reach and kill her before she got anywhere near the village. Madyrn Baelstadi had tailed her for over an hour now, keeping close enough that his superior vision could tell her apart from the leaves, but far enough that he wouldn't garner her attention. So far, it seemed to be working just fine.
It was a typical revenge job that he'd taken on. The woeful little bandit had taken it upon himself to explain to Madyrn every miniscule detail about Karuka and Lucien's little adventure with his friends, and the elf was just about forced to listen to the whole thing -- the little thief was paying well, after all. All that mattered that Karuka Tida seemed a bouncy, happy thing, which would make killing her all the more enjoyable.
"Human filth," he spat. Madyrn's golden hair was blown into his face, but an instinctual flick of his head tossed it back.
His careful step then grew to a jog, then a run, and in a moment he was in full sprint running after the woman. He painted an exasperated expression on his visage and put on a limp when he got close, the shifting of his leg creating an uneven kick of the leaves as he ran.
"H-Hey!" he cried aloud. Madyrn almost smiled at how impressive his rendition of a worried elf was. "Please, hold!"
The last word escaped his mouth in a cough, and he fell awkwardly. Madyrn hit the ground hard when he'd gotten within a few meters of the woman, grunting as he hit the dirt. The play had begun.
"Please... Underwood," he moaned, grasping an arm. His eyes were soft and pained, his mouth twitching only enough to seem legitimate. Madyrn had made a career out of playing these games, and had no doubt he looked and sounded exactly as he wanted to; sincere.
Karuka tripped lightly through the forest on her way to…well, nowhere in particular. Her pendulum wasn’t working at all. Still, she was finally off of that thrice-accursed boat and it was an absolutely gorgeous day.
“Green woods, blue skies, an’ clear air. Who coul’ ask fer better?” Pomegranate-red lips turned up in a cheery grin as the honey-skinned red-head stepped up onto a mossy log and did a twirl, oblivious to the fact she was being followed.
She had wound up in Corone trying to get back to Scara Brae from some other land whose name she hadn’t learned. She left her friends in Scara Brae as her pendulum had swung most insistently. While she had intended to return immediately, she'd been forced onto a boat, and before she could get back on land it had set off for its destination.
Once there, she had weathered a storm under a tree’s boughs with a hospitable dog-man and his cat-girl companion, as well as a snooty, silver-haired man dressed far too fancily to not be in some snappy carriage. He’d declared himself a prince right off, but Celtic propriety hadn’t allowed Karuka to give a spoiled brat so honorable a title.
She’d left that group after the storm had passed, and then come across a scrawny boy while trying to find a way back to her friends. He’d been stuck in a tree at the time, and upon getting him down, Karuka had discovered the boy knew something about her country…meaning there HAD to be a way home, somehow. Bu’ he were ay bad luck, all aroun’, thought Karuka, letting a frown briefly mar her countenance as she thought back on the willfully helpless straw-haired boy. Wha’ were his name? I’ star’ed wi’ an ‘L’. He was only the third person on Althanas that Karuka had been glad to be rid of (the other two being Count Uyen Barchon of Scara Brae and Prince Silver-hair). Finally, she’d aided a tall man named Sokket in one of his jobs and boarded ANOTHER boat for Scara Brae.
Only…here she was, in Corone, without any real clue as to why. But at least she was off the boat and on solid ground, crunching through falling leaves in her bare feet.
Her thoughts were about to go off in another direction when something started crashing through the woods. Karuka whipped around, searching for the source of the sound. The gait was two-footed, and she could have sworn she could faintly hear a few solid steps, but then they clearly came in as one foot dragging and the other lurching forward, as though the source were injured and limping. Not one to ignore someone in need of help, Karuka started dashing back the way she’d come, but stopped when she got a clear glimpse of him, and started edging back the way she‘d come.
This elf had no sign of a struggle about him. His clothes and armor were intact, his face unmarred. Hell, he was cleaner than she was, and she wasn’t really too dirty. Second, he was coming from the same direction she’d come. If he’d been hobbling along, she’d have caught him some time ago and helped him. If he’d been running, he wouldn’t have made it far…and she’d have caught the battle. But there had been no disturbance close enough, even if he’d been coming from another direction. The birds hadn’t been disturbed until he had started running.
As the man closed in and collapsed, Karuka’s sharp blue eyes swept over him. What she saw further assured her of the man’s good physical condition and maybe...maybe even malign intentions toward her. There wasn’t even so much as a drop of blood on him.
She continued backing away as he spoke to her, begging for help. His expression, movements, voice, everything…perfect. She’d seen men come from battle with faces bent like that and voices hoarse like that…but they’d all been bloody.
If ‘tis tha' he's bad news, I need t’ get a wee bit further away…I need distance an’ time t’ invoke mi prayers.
Karuka continued backing slowly away, keeping her eyes on the man.
“Yer performance were ay beautiful. Bu’ I didna ge' this far by bein' completely daft, tho' I'll ay admit I'm nae th' brightes'. An injured man wi’ou’ blood isnae an injured man a’ ‘tall. So, how about’ we try this? I’m Karuka. Who’re y’, an’ wha’ is yer business af’er me? I’m ay sure y’ ha’ th’ wrong person. I’ve nae done anythin’ t’ warrant a deceit like this.”
TRANSLATIONS
“Green woods, blue skies, and clear air. Who could ask for better?”
>>>But he was just bad luck, all around. What was his name? It started with an ‘L’.<<<
>>>If he really IS bad news, I need to get a wee bit further away…I need distance and time to invoke my prayers.<<<
“Your performance was quite beautiful. But I didn't get this far by being totally stupid, although I'll admit I'm not the smartest. An injured man without blood isn’t an injured man at all. So, how about we try this? I’m Karuka. Who are you, and what is your business after me? I’m certain you have the wrong person. I haven’t done anything to warrant a deceit like this.”
There was a flash of frustration on the elf’s perfect face, distinct evidence that he was not who he seemed. As quick as it appeared, it was wiped away – it might have appeared to be a grunt of pain or a labored breath. Of course she’d have known he wasn’t really injured, but humans had never shown themselves to be so perceptive before; especially the young ones like the lass who stood a distance away from him. He was briefly disappointed, but at least now he didn’t have to pretend to be a wounded pup.
“Clever bitch,” he growled. “Ye might’ve helped me hone the craft of deception, but the service won’t save ye a bit of pain.”
He was up in an instant, a fistful of mud clenched under his dexterous fingers. Madyrn Baelstadi’s golden hair whipped in frenzy as he rose, but fell back into perfect place as he lurched forward and threw the filthy substance. His aim was true, the blinding mud soaring toward the bitch’s eyes, and there he was right behind it, kukri in one hand and a saber in the other.
The forest flew past him as he ran, and Madyrn had a vague recollection of some similar event in his life. A drow, a knife, and some blood, some leaves turned red and soggy. His first kill outside of Salvar and his first paycheck. The memory was gone as quickly as it had appeared, and in his mind it was as if it had never been there. This was the present.
His right hand plunged forward when he was close enough, the dipping, curved sword lashing out for Karuka’s pretty neck like a snake hungry for flesh. He was too far to follow up with his kukri, but would have held back to defend anyhow.
“Mayhap your corpse’ll give me a few moments’ pleasure while it’s still warm,” he threatened. “Ye’ve a fine inside, I venture.” The pained expression on his face and the wounded tone of his voice were long gone, replaced by unwavering cruelty.
As the elf rose, Karuka considered a few things without really considering them.
He would be able to run faster than she could, so to flee was to die. He had a sword and a really big knife...to get hit was to die. And to step back falsely would be to fall...also to die.
She didn't listen as he started...growling...at her. Her right hand whipped down to her rune pouch, and she prayed she drew something useful. Meanwhile her teeth sank into a long-standing scar on her left thumb, biting to draw blood. There was a brief flash of pain, but she was used to it.
A quick glance down at the small clay tablet in her hand revealed it to be very useful indeed. The wedge-shaped rune represented a light from a torch, and like a torch, when invoked properly, it could burn.
She brought her hands up, smearing blood across the rune, and the earth flung at her by her attacker started coming for her face. The left hand was unnecessary in her spell, and she flicked the arm to block the mud. A little still spattered across her face, but that was the least of her concerns as the elf began to charge her.
Words came rushing out of her mouth in Gaelic.
Brigid, goddess of fire
The elf's sword extended as he started closing the distance
You've warmed my hearth many times
The long curving knife pulled back, and he was almost there
Now I call on you to protect your child
She sidestepped while bending back a little, barely skipping a beat in her prayer, and instead of getting her neck sliced, the sword's motion opened a long diagonal gash on her abdomen, ending at her hip.
With the flames of KEN!
A fireball formed in front of the lass's face close enough that she could feel the heat, and the dancing flames reflected angrily in her pained eyes. The elf was too close by far to dodge it, and Karuka glared at the hand holding the sword. The flames shot down, enveloping not just this blond elf's hand, but the entire forearm...and the heat it gave off would doubtless heat the rest of the mail coat he wore.
Karuka shoved Ken back into her pouch, stumbling back a few steps from her attacker and drawing another rune, without intent to cast again immediately. Maybe he'd give up and go away.
The attack had been far too close for her comfort...her wound throbbed angrily, and she felt the blood spilling freely out from the cut and down her leg.
Her neck it was not, but Madyrn felt a pang of victorious joy as his saber bit into the woman. The sword slowed just a bit as it cut through her, and he savored the pain she must have felt at that moment, as if it sustained him.
It didn’t last long, though. The elf sensed the tumultuous summoning of magic from Karuka’s rune, but didn’t have the time or room necessary to deal with it. He merely cringed as the fire came into existence and enveloped his arm. He drew back instinctively and paced a few steps backward, an angry scream caught behind his teeth. Thankfully, his clothes had prevented the fire from catching his mail and singing his skin away. Still, his arm was bloody, tingling painfully. He couldn’t bend it without cracking the skin and exposing blood, not to mention bringing on a world of hurt.
“Hard to fuck a corpse with a burned arm,” he managed to say clearly. Struggling through the screaming of the tissue in his arm, Madyrn switched hands to that his left held the sword. “But ye haven’t deterred me from it yet, whore.”
A high note escaped his throat, a beautiful kind of melody that cracked once or twice; Madyrn’s focus was impossible to keep perfect because of his arm. The spell passed anyway, and his sword was enveloped in a swirling vortex of razor-sharp ice shards. The next time he cut her, he envisioned there’d be a few dozen gashed in her from it.
He came in strong again, grimacing through the pain. His sword came in a wide swipe from above, seeking to cut Karuka diagonally across the chest. A simple backpedaling would save her, but Madyrn knew the shards whirling about the blade would slash her flesh to ribbons if that’s what she did.
As the first note sounded from the elf's throat, Karuka glanced around swiftly. She'd never experienced song magic before, but there were some few stories, and if this was anything like that, she didn't WANT to be on the receiving end.
Very quickly she found what she needed -- a tree with rough enough bark for her bare feet to take a grip on and branches located conveniently enough for her to use them to get a leg up.
As the song arched into a crescendo, the red-head started off as fast as she could, gait impaired due to the seven-inch long gash from which she was trailing blood. She reached the tree as the song ended, strong, powerful...on a tinny sort of a note, but that might have just been due to the pain of the burn. The ice formed as the slender red-head took a grip on the tree, and as she put her foot onto the bark, the elf started charging.
Karuka bolted up that tree, digging her nails into the bark and clambering up with calloused bare feet. A couple of the nails tore badly and bled some, and his slash, intended to tear her limb from limb, missed with the main blade, but the ice grazed her lower leg and foot, opening a few more scratches.
Karuka cursed in Gaelic as the first wound sent pain lancing through her entire form, and as the new pains sent their less serious stabs through her. She climbed higher, though, cursing again as she brushed the open gash on her abdomen against the rough bark, further aggravating it.
At about twelve feet up -- a good, safe distance she felt -- she stopped, breathing hard. Her entire side burned from her arm down to her foot, it felt like there were daggers stabbing her where her nails had ripped, and the few wee scratches from that last attack weren't helping matters any.
She leaned against the tree trunk a moment, feeling dizzy from the pain, and worked to get her breathing under control. Then, figuring no enduring harm in it, she stripped off her shirt, pressing the cloth against the long wound to staunch the blood. Unfortunately for any lusty male that might have been observing, her chest was wrapped in a long piece of cloth to preserve some of her modesty.
"Now," she began, looking down wearily at her opponent, "I dinna ay kno' who y'are. I know I ha' nae done anythin' again' y', so this attack doesna make ay any sense t' me. Yer ay in pain. I'm ay in pain. If y' go yer way an' I go mine, we can both be ta'en care o' an' ne'er think back on i'. I dinna ha' th' desire t' do y' further harm, an' I dinna ha' th' desire t' let y' do me further harm. So th' bes' I can do t' assure tha' is t' jus' let us go our ain ways."
TRANSLATIONS
"Now, I don't know who you are, but I know I haven't done anything against you. So, this attack doesn't make any sense to me. You're hurting. I'm hurtng. If you go your way and I go mine, we can both get medical care and never think back on this. I don't want to hurt you anymore, and I don't want you to hurt me anymore, so the best I can think of to do that is to just let us part ways now."
Madyrn did so enjoy the spilling of more blood, but he couldn’t help but be disappointed. She was a quick runt, this Karuka, so frustrating in her will to live. Why couldn’t a mark just lay back and die once in a while? She’d be dead in another fifty years anyway, while Madyrn would still be in his prime. How she expected to live any kind of fulfilling life in so short a time, he didn’t understand. She existed merely as a stepping stone for the more important.
The good thing about her scattering was that he was given a moment’s respite. From her high perch, Karuka tried to convince Madyrn, in her insufferable little accent, to be off and find merriness. Clearly she’d never met an assassin; maybe, the elf thought with just a bit of amusement, she’d never met anyone who existed outside of her fluffy, happy universe.
“Princess,” he muttered, though even that couldn’t stifle the melodic, hypnotic tone his voice carried with it. “Ye just don’t ken it. I’ve taken it upon m’self to put yer head on a stake an’ carry it back to town, doesn’t get simpler ‘n that.”
It occurred to him then that he’d adopted a bit of her accent, so he silenced himself for a moment. He’d spent years picking up traits of speech and expression from others – sometimes he lapsed into them without realizing it. He had another flashback, this time of a bloody human, of himself standing above the corpse practicing the dead woman’s speech. Madyrn shook the memory away as if it were a bug on his neck.
“I’ve a business to run,” he responded. The shards about his sword faded and disappeared. “Parting ways would lose business. You should’ve been mindful o’ who you pissed off.”
As fluidly as he could with a single arm, Madyrn sheathed his saber and tossed his kukri from his injured hand to the newly free one. Karuka might have been out of reach, but in the process of climbing she’d put herself in a position that limited her movement. The elf’s arm angled back and then lurched forward, throwing the kukri in a precise line that would carry it into her chest.
I've pissed someone off? Well...mayhap th' silver-haired dandy dinna ay like how I spoke t' him...bu' he did ay deserve i'. I bet he's ay petty enou' t' sen' someone else t' do his dirty work.
"Now jus' aon --" Then the pretty elf man threw his knife, without listening to the rest of what she had to say.
If she had come from any other background (which was far from happy and fluffy, although the elf couldn't possibly know this), the knife would have taken Karuka's head clean off. But she was a fine Celtic girl, and had spent many happy childhood hours clambering up the sacred oak. It was in the tree she felt closest to her patron diety, Odin.
She was also no stranger to having things thrown at her while she was IN the sacred tree, although to be fair, the town elders hadn't ever thrown knives at her.
So as Madyrn drew back his arm, Karuka shoved the rune in her hand into her mouth for safe keeping, and as he released his blade, she gripped the branch she was seated on with her free hand and leaned back, letting the long dagger fly up and over her, just in front of her eyes.
Pain flared all through her body as she did so, but time enough to think of that later, and Karuka pulled herself back into a seated position despite the protests of her body.
She spat the rune into her hand. Sigel. Mighty Thor, y' always come through fer me.
Sun-and-sky eyes flashed viciously this time as Karuka glared down at her opponent.
"Aon more move in hostility, an' I'll see t' i' tha' y' ne'er leave th' spot yer standin' on. This charade is ay becomin' irksome. I dinna care if yer silver-haired prince' employer 'spects y' t' bring in mi head on a pike or nae."
She paused in her tirade a moment, breathing hard, and she pressed the cloth against her abdomen more forcefully. The proof of the damage Madyrn's initial strike had done told in the droplets of blood coursing slowly down the clay-encased foot, sometimes dropping down to land on a branch or among the fallen leaves on the ground.
"I'll ne'er be killed by th' likes o' y'," she hissed, catlike, through clenched teeth, "an' if y' try again, I'll ay see y' dead."
Forcing herself to focus again, she glared down at the elf.
TRANSLATORIALIZATIONISM (Because Karukese is a difficult concept sometimes)
>>>I've pissed someone off? Well...maybe the silver-haired dandy didn't very well appreciate how I spoke to him...but he definitely deserved it. I bet he's petty enough to send someone else to do his dirty work.<<<
"Now, just one --"
>>>Mighty Thor, you always come through for me.<<<
"One more move in hostility, and I'll see to it that you never leave the spot you're standing on. This charade is getting irritating. I don't care if your silver-haired 'prince' employer expects you to bring in my head on a pike or not."
"I'll never be killed by the likes of you, and if you try again, I'll see you dead."
Also, the silver-haired guy she keeps referring to is Raelyse. Bandits, shmandits...that spoiled prince ANNOYED this Irish chick.
Elf or not, it was remarkable how fast the assassin could climb with a single arm. The kukri had missed, yes, but he’d been scaling the trunk almost before it’d even left his hand. She looked back and spoke to him, uttering a threat he could scarcely understand. He wouldn’t have been able to take it seriously anyway, not if he wanted the chance to bury his blade in her. Now it was a mad rush. Madyrn cursed his blackened, bloody arm, but forced himself to use it to climb.
He was up. He was up and his arm was split in a dozen places, leaking blood and sending waves of pain through his head. Madyrn could see Karuka through a group of large leaves. She had the same face as everyone he had ever killed.
“You talk too much,” he growled, eyes aflame with a golden blaze. He reached across his hip, tugged his saber from its sheath and reared back.
There were no flashbacks this time. Madyrn’s mind was hazed and clouded, in a flurry as a hundred considerations flashed in his mind’s eye. Could she hope to dodge a strike from where she was? If so, what would she offer as a counterattack? Madyrn wasn’t sure he could survive a spell of any kind from so close, but the situation hardly provided an alternative.
The saber flashed in a wide horizontal arc, coming from his left arm in a backhand. Glimmering in the sunlight, the edge dove for the center of Karuka, a strike that was meant to provide little room for escape.
Karuka roughly swiped Sigel across her belly as her attacker started scaling the tree. She had plenty of blood there to use for her magic. There were clouds in the sky...enough, just barely.
The bleeding redhead clutched the rune to her mouth and began to chant.
Thor, he who rules the thunders,
The elf was before her, saying something, but what didn't matter.
You are second to Tyr in battle, and your chariot's rumble makes the giants quake.
She jerked back as he slashed at her, but the blade still caught her, slashing mercilessly through cloth and flesh. Karuka fell from her perch, being scraped and bumped by the branches until she hit the ground with a hard thud and a sickening series of pops. She was lying on her back, looking up at the sky. She hurt where the blade had bitten her, but she had to finish the prayer or she would not get a second chance.
With your mighty hammer and lightning, grant me Sigel over the one whose sword has my blood.
The clouds sparked, little tentacles of electricity running from one to another, before a bigger bolt of lightning flashed, drawn to the bloody sword and the man who held it.
Karuka breathed softly, feeling the blood seep out of her. She felt sick and dizzy...what did it matter to get up? She couldn't even feel anything from her waist down.
Rather than feeling worry at the fact that this meant her back was probably broken, all Karuka could think was: Thank the gods. 'Twere ay annoyin' t' hurt like tha'.
Karuka didn't pay attention to what had happened to the elf. She didn't even know his name, and as she kept on bleeding from wounds he'd caused, it seemed less and less important...although if he'd managed to dodge the lightning, she did find it a bit unnerving what he intended to do to her corpse. Then again, she'd be dead, so what would she care?
Her thoughts drifted from some potential future to something else. Different people did diferent things to survive, she'd found. She walked...he killed. Under different circumstances, maybe he would walk and she would kill.
Mi athair once tol' me, "Karuka, everyone ha' t' follow their dharma." Mayhap his dharma were jus' a wee bi' sadder than mine.
The forest was slowly quieting as the combat stopped. Birds sang as they normally did, the sunlight shone through the leaves of the trees like it always did. The only thing to disturb the peace was a vulture slowly circling.
I won'er where th' Valkyrie is, or if I'm ay worthy o' i'. If so, I'll tell her t' look also a' th' elf...for although he fought dishonorably, he did fight bravely.
Though she was slowly dying because of his actions toward her, Karuka couldn't help but feel sorry for the elf, now that her anger toward him had faded. Everyone has a reason for turning whichever way they go...and she bet his was a sad one, indeed. In time, though, her thoughts turned from him to the environment.
I'd ay wanted t' die in th' fores'. Kin'a funny...every death will ay bring life, in its ain time. An' tha's wha' really matters. Shivaya...I've tried my best to follow my dharma. If i' ends here, then let me up int' the Brahmin or int' Valhalla, wheree'er I b'long.
Or maybe it had all been about where she'd belonged while living, not after death. When she came into Althanas, it had been through a little sunken cave from which squeezing out had been difficult, almost like a birth. She'd found herself in the middle of a forest then. Now she found herself slowly bleeding to death in the middle of another forest on the same world.
An' so I've come full circle.
Sun and sky eyes drifted shut as the honey-skinned red-head let sweet sleep claim her.
Translation
>>>Thank the gods. It was very annoying to hurt like that.<<<
>>>My father told me once, "Karuka, everyone has to follow their dharma." Maybe his was just a bit sadder than mine.
>>>I wonder where the Valkyrie is, or if I'm worthy of one. If I am, I'll ask her to look at the elf, too...even though he fough dishonorably, he did fight bravely.<<<
>>>I'd always wanted to die in the forest. Kinda funny...each death will bring life, in its own time. That's what really matters. Lord Shiva...I've tried my best to follow my dharma. If it ends here, then let me up into the Brahmin or into Valhalla, whereever I belong.<<<
>>>And so I've come full circle.<<<
Madyrn could feel his blade pierce Karuka’s flesh as if the saber was an extension of his own body. Cloth and flesh alike were rendered beneath the steel, and the elf felt a victorious elation once more. She fell, tumbling over branches that would not break under her weight, and struck the ground with an audible thud that made Madyrn smile.
“I hope you’re still conscious,” he said to himself. “It’ll make the next few moments all the more fun for me.”
The elf ran a slender finger along the edge of his saber, tracing the human’s blood. He looked at the crimson fluid with a disgusted expression, before wiping it on the trunk of the tree. The payment was well worth the effort, he thought, but it would cost nearly half of it to get his arm healed. That fact alone validated what he would soon do to Karuka’s body, he thought – though Madyrn never actually needed validation for anything he did. That’s what separated the weak from the strong.
He heard the lightning coming long before he saw it, but it was an indistinct sound so he knew not what to do. The seething bolt tore down through the sky, cutting through the air like a torpedo. Madyrn looked up and the blue light enveloped his golden eyes. He was quick enough to move across the branch, but the lightning dove for his exposed blade like a hungry dragon. The elf’s perceptions were rendered and his insides seemed to catch fire, stomach and lungs filling with spongy substance that caught his breath.
Immediately he knew that he could survive the strike, if only he could keep from falling. Momentarily stunned and burning with a glorious pain, Madyrn could only watch as he began to fall, his limbs refusing to react to his mental commands as the lightning coursed through him. The world flipped about and he was on the ground, watching the sky spin.
“Aha,” he managed, when the spongy things in his throat were gone. He could breathe, but could not find the strength to rise. His golden eyes drifted slowly to the side to peer at Karuka – she was out, hopefully dead.
A human bitch can’t do something like this to me, he thought, and it was as much consideration that he would put into it.
He lay there for a time, wondering how long it would take for the bird above to dive and nip at him. He could still move his limbs, and thought he could shoo the thing over to Karuka if need be. Before anything of the sort needed to happen, though, he heard the approaching trot of a horse in the distance, his elven ears picking up the sound. The thought flashed in his mind that an elf with golden hair and eyes could fetch high prices in the seedier parts of Corone, but he pushed it from his mind.
He waited as he heard the approacher dismount, and gazed listlessly into the human’s big brown eyes.
“Please… Underwood,” he gasped, and found he didn’t need to try very hard to make it convincing.
Max Dirks
03-03-07, 12:45 AM
No general comments for you two today, but I am glad to see this battle was finished. You will both be receiving an EXP bonus for your efforts.
Judgment
Karuka Tida
Story
Continuity - 4 (Your explanation of Karuka's history on Althanas was confusing. Your intent to introduce Karuka to an unfamiliar reader is noted, but it was not effective for your overall story)
Setting - 5 (You worked to the scene well. The movement of your character helped prevent the rising action portion of the story from being boring. Climbing the tree, as simple as it might seem, definitely kept me interested)
Pacing - 4
Writing Style
Mechanics - 5 (There were a few noticable spelling and grammar mistakes, but my biggest problem were redunancies in your writing. One such example that sticks out was when you wrote, "there were some few stories" when describing song magic. For the purposes of that sentence either some or few would have worked, but not both.
Technique - 4 (Your style and your subtle humor is nice, but often times I felt that I had to be a Karuka insider to truly understand the references)
Clarity - 4 (Your redundancies hurt the flow of your writing)
Character
Dialogue - 6 (You have very unique and creative dialogue. However, there is far too much of it. Most fights are not like anime where a person has the time to unleash a monologue prior to attacking. Take that into consideration next time. Also, I'm unclear why Karuka's accent leaves here when she calls out to the Gods to activate her ruins. Perhaps you can explain this with a brief sentence in your next battle.
Action - 4 (You, moreso than Madryn, kept the flow of the battle moving)
Persona - 4 (Karuka is very complicated. Who is she? Where is she from? Why would someone be trying to kill her? Tell me about Karuka)
Misc
Wild Card - 5 (The flame on the arm might constitute limited power gaming, be weary when you do attacks that a person "couldn't easily avoid.")
Total – 46/100
Madryn
Story
Continuity - 4 (I liked that you decided to begin the battle as a story, but I'm very curious as to WHY Madryn is after Karuka in the first place. You BRIEFLY mentioned something about it in your first post, but it was not enough.
Setting - 5 (You set the stage for the battle well. Your descriptions are excellent)
Pacing - 5
Writing Style
Mechanics - 7 (There were no major flaws in your writing)
Technique - 4 (To write consistently is one thing, but I felt that you might have been experimenting with different techniques throughout. This was evident between the different stylings between posts. Be careful of this)
Clarity - 5
Character
Dialogue - 6 (Your dialogue was well placed. You spoke when your character would have spoken and kept quiet when your character would have kept quiet)
Action - 3 (You were very reactionary, and your attacks were not as creative as Karuka's. I believe that if you would have taken a more proactive role in the battle, this would have helped both of your scores)
Persona - 6 (Good, this won you the battle. You were consistent with your character throughout and solidified it the moment you did not feel regret, remorse or pity for Karuka in your conclusion)
Misc.
Wild Card - 5 (Your response to Karuka's potential power gaming might have been power gaming. However, you BOTH receive a point for not mentioning the tournament anywhere in the battle. This is how the original Serenti was won. It makes me proud that someone took my advice in Rajani's thread)
Total – 50/100
Madryn advances to Round Two.
Cyrus will add EXP with 1.5 rather than 1 as the level modifier.
Madyrn receives 750 EXP and 50 GP
Karuka Tida receives 225 EXP and 50 GP
EXP/GP added!
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