The...American...Deicide
04-12-07, 08:39 PM
{Midwinter's second charrie}
Name: Carl Steelflex
Age: 20 something
Race: One of Santa's Elves Gone Wrong
Hair Color: Have you seen him take the cap off?
Eye Color: Steel
Height: 6 feet Muscle inches
Weight: He likes to weight lift. Let's leave it like that.
*Occupation: Getting on Santa's naughty list, competeing with Chuck Norris for the title of "God".
*Personality:
Carl has almost 0 personality. Most of what he does is done because either: A. He wants to or B. He can. He almost never gets visibly angry. If one ticks him off either he leaves or tries to kill the perpetrator. That's that, nothing to it. Carl suddenly comes to life when he can assist in crimes or do things that Santa would consider bad. He has yet to have any friends because most of the North Pole residents came half way up his shins and were highly intimidated by him.
Appearance:
If you want to get into metaphors, he is essentially a tank: All muscle, small head, intimidating, but just asking to be played with. The Santa hat on the top of Carl's head has not left its station…ever…or so it would seem. The shadow cast from its fluffy height generally hides its wearer until the curious one gets close. Broad shoulders send more shadow to the floor as the Santa hat casts on Carl's face. Carl likes his long sweeping charcoal coat because it billows when he moves. He also likes his steel colored t-shirt, steel colored pants, steel colored combat boots with steel toes, and steel colored fingerless gloves with steel knuckle spikes.
History:
Carl the baby-
Carl was born to Mr and Mrs Mince D. Elf. They were both the smallest, cutest, goodest, and most efficient elves in Santa's slave stock…I mean list of factory workers. Santa decided it would be a good idea to work some of his special magic on Carl, trying to improve the toy-making-genes already inherited. However, all those snacks from Christmas eve was making Santa a bit slow/rusty when it came to actually moving, so he tried to do the spell from far away. The good old Saint Nick sat down in his favorite living room chair and began the spell. It went wrong when he said "Oooh! Supersize me! I love that show!" while flipping channels on his TV. Carl got supersized. Big time. And I don't mean in Santa's way. You can bet Santa was jealous.
Carl the infant-
Carl was twice the size of the other little elf infants and had to be kept in his own cell…I mean play pen…so he wouldn't accidentally kill his peers while rough housing. Nobody ever got to see what color his hair was because Santa fixed a Santa hat to Carl's head so he could keep track of which baby he had "gifted". You see, Santa couldn't tell the babies apart. The shine off of those rosy cheeks reflecting into his eyes made it hard to see much. That's why he used a seeing eye reindeer. ANYWAYS, Carl was emotionally damaged by such isolation. Arnold the Terminator stufty was his only friend.
Carl the School elf-
Eventually Carl became old enough to go to the young elf brain washing facility…I mean elf school.
Mr and Mrs Mince D. Elf had many other bright eyed and chipper young children, but knew better than to let Santa know. In fact, they signed up Carl's siblings for this wonderful daycare run by a witch in a gingerbread house. They never got their letters returned, so they assumed the best and thought their babies were happy. Having considered Carl grown up by this point, they moved off to Hawaii for a little vacation. There they were recruited for the last season of Jackass and were accidentally killed in a stunt. ANYWAYS
Carl felt quite out of place because instead of thin nimble fingers for toy making he had been gifted with huge fists for punching. Instead of a small, fragile, stature he had been gifted with a massive muscular stature. The differences became increasingly obvious as he and his classmates grew up together. In the beginning he tried to squeeze into the normal elf-kid desks. Then after they had to hack him out with an axe they realized he was too big. So he got to inherit one of Santa's old chairs and a dining hall table for his desk. Carl was always the butt end of jokes. Occasionally he tried to stand up for himself but then the mean popular crowd of elves would gang up on him and gnaw on his ankles. He found this incredibly painful and began to become introverted and withdrawn. Even Arnold couldn't protect him from the harsh reality of prepubescent life.
Carl the Teenager-
Carl eventually got so big that he needed one of Mrs. Claus' old chairs to sit in. The dining hall table got too small and so he had to duct tape two dining hall tables together. The teachers were always mad at him because the normal elf sized propaganda pamphlets…I mean school books…had print too small for him to read. They refused to make him a larger size because they were afraid that government officials might find it and obliterate the cult….I mean clan. So Carl gave up on school work. By this time he was so massive that all the little ankle-gnawers from his school boy days were afraid of him. Sometimes he liked to abuse them just to see the fear in their adorable large beady eyes. Setting them on fire was a favorite past time of his. So he spent his days surviving on no motivation until one day…he found an old paint gun in his professor's desk (right under the female swimsuit catalog, funny because it never would have worked out- the girls' boobs were probably bigger than the professor's head) while robbing the old geezer. It was love at first shoot. First it began with the young elves. Then he moved on to bigger game. The reindeer. He was never hungry again. And besides, once he caught a rare species with a glowing red nose and it made a fantastic wall decoration.
Carl the Young Man-
After graduating (threatening the dean for release) from a troubled young elf termination facility…I mean correctional school…Carl had his meeting with Santa for assignment, as all young graduates did. Carl had grown into a fine young man, and was quite the looker. As he waited for Santa to join him in the office, Mrs. Clause caught a sight of him and tried to put the moves on. No matter how many times Carl said he didn't want anything to do with her "lovely lady humps" (of which she had plenty, because the main food source in the North Pole is cookies), she continued trying to convince him. Santa chose that moment to come in and was horrified/jealous. Trying to hurt Carl in the most painful way possible, Santa revealed that it was him that did the supersize gifting and that Carl's parents had died on the set of a D list MTV reality series through an accident he had something to do with (Santa doesn't like it when his "children" stray from Santatown). Carl shrugged, beat the milk and cookies out of Santa, stole the biggest two shotguns he had always admired, and walked out into the snow with Arnold (the Terminator stufty) in tow.
Carl the Terminator-
Carl had gone to a Slayer concert. There was something involving Pete Wentz and a couple of tequilas, but he was too wasted to remember any of it. Perhaps it is better left that way. ANYWAYS Carl woke up slightly woozie and realized he was in a suspiciously nerdy looking place. "I mean f***ing unholy zombie jesus this place looks like a Tolkein novel…" That's right Carl. You've been Punk'd. Santa doesn't like it when his children stray from Santatown. He got Ashton Kutcher to send you over.
Skills:
Erm…making toys.
Making children cry.
Being bad.
Working with industrial machinery
Sharp shooting (but he doesn't have a sniper rifle ) Not so good, but can do it.
Shooting. Well he'd rather just beat the eggnog right out of the perpetrator with his gun, but he can shoot. Averagely.
Fighting. A+ for average, agression, and Arnold (the Terminator stufty)
Consuming large amounts of food
Endurance (to burn off the large amounts of food consumed)
Being tr00
Lack of Skills:
Eloquence
Getting hot babes to stick around
Subtlety
Play by Post RPG
Computer skillz
Politeness
Speaking without swearing
Equipment:
Two shot guns. Except Althanas had a crappy effect on them so all they do now is shoot hooks with chains attached like the ones those spies use to get up buildings. Great, isn't it? Too bad he can't use a bow and arrow. He'd probably accidentally snap the bow.
Ahnold the Tuhminator Stufty.
*Familiars:
Sora. Sora is a little neko girl who likes to appear at random moments and act like Carl is her master. She is about 4 and ½ feet tall with pink fur and large purple eyes. She ties her large amount of pink hair into two high ponytails with yellow ribbon. She speaks in a high-pitched voice and purrs when Carl asks her to "get the hell away from me!!!". Sora is smitten with Carl and would do anything for him, but her affections are not returned. Poor Sora. Run Sora run. Play with catnip.
The neko girl has no skills besides being a gorgeous little neko girl and preening herself. She can do the hoola and has a thing for bells.
*Note that these fields are optional, and you may be approved without them.
Name: Carl Steelflex
Age: 20 something
Race: One of Santa's Elves Gone Wrong
Hair Color: Have you seen him take the cap off?
Eye Color: Steel
Height: 6 feet Muscle inches
Weight: He likes to weight lift. Let's leave it like that.
*Occupation: Getting on Santa's naughty list, competeing with Chuck Norris for the title of "God".
*Personality:
Carl has almost 0 personality. Most of what he does is done because either: A. He wants to or B. He can. He almost never gets visibly angry. If one ticks him off either he leaves or tries to kill the perpetrator. That's that, nothing to it. Carl suddenly comes to life when he can assist in crimes or do things that Santa would consider bad. He has yet to have any friends because most of the North Pole residents came half way up his shins and were highly intimidated by him.
Appearance:
If you want to get into metaphors, he is essentially a tank: All muscle, small head, intimidating, but just asking to be played with. The Santa hat on the top of Carl's head has not left its station…ever…or so it would seem. The shadow cast from its fluffy height generally hides its wearer until the curious one gets close. Broad shoulders send more shadow to the floor as the Santa hat casts on Carl's face. Carl likes his long sweeping charcoal coat because it billows when he moves. He also likes his steel colored t-shirt, steel colored pants, steel colored combat boots with steel toes, and steel colored fingerless gloves with steel knuckle spikes.
History:
Carl the baby-
Carl was born to Mr and Mrs Mince D. Elf. They were both the smallest, cutest, goodest, and most efficient elves in Santa's slave stock…I mean list of factory workers. Santa decided it would be a good idea to work some of his special magic on Carl, trying to improve the toy-making-genes already inherited. However, all those snacks from Christmas eve was making Santa a bit slow/rusty when it came to actually moving, so he tried to do the spell from far away. The good old Saint Nick sat down in his favorite living room chair and began the spell. It went wrong when he said "Oooh! Supersize me! I love that show!" while flipping channels on his TV. Carl got supersized. Big time. And I don't mean in Santa's way. You can bet Santa was jealous.
Carl the infant-
Carl was twice the size of the other little elf infants and had to be kept in his own cell…I mean play pen…so he wouldn't accidentally kill his peers while rough housing. Nobody ever got to see what color his hair was because Santa fixed a Santa hat to Carl's head so he could keep track of which baby he had "gifted". You see, Santa couldn't tell the babies apart. The shine off of those rosy cheeks reflecting into his eyes made it hard to see much. That's why he used a seeing eye reindeer. ANYWAYS, Carl was emotionally damaged by such isolation. Arnold the Terminator stufty was his only friend.
Carl the School elf-
Eventually Carl became old enough to go to the young elf brain washing facility…I mean elf school.
Mr and Mrs Mince D. Elf had many other bright eyed and chipper young children, but knew better than to let Santa know. In fact, they signed up Carl's siblings for this wonderful daycare run by a witch in a gingerbread house. They never got their letters returned, so they assumed the best and thought their babies were happy. Having considered Carl grown up by this point, they moved off to Hawaii for a little vacation. There they were recruited for the last season of Jackass and were accidentally killed in a stunt. ANYWAYS
Carl felt quite out of place because instead of thin nimble fingers for toy making he had been gifted with huge fists for punching. Instead of a small, fragile, stature he had been gifted with a massive muscular stature. The differences became increasingly obvious as he and his classmates grew up together. In the beginning he tried to squeeze into the normal elf-kid desks. Then after they had to hack him out with an axe they realized he was too big. So he got to inherit one of Santa's old chairs and a dining hall table for his desk. Carl was always the butt end of jokes. Occasionally he tried to stand up for himself but then the mean popular crowd of elves would gang up on him and gnaw on his ankles. He found this incredibly painful and began to become introverted and withdrawn. Even Arnold couldn't protect him from the harsh reality of prepubescent life.
Carl the Teenager-
Carl eventually got so big that he needed one of Mrs. Claus' old chairs to sit in. The dining hall table got too small and so he had to duct tape two dining hall tables together. The teachers were always mad at him because the normal elf sized propaganda pamphlets…I mean school books…had print too small for him to read. They refused to make him a larger size because they were afraid that government officials might find it and obliterate the cult….I mean clan. So Carl gave up on school work. By this time he was so massive that all the little ankle-gnawers from his school boy days were afraid of him. Sometimes he liked to abuse them just to see the fear in their adorable large beady eyes. Setting them on fire was a favorite past time of his. So he spent his days surviving on no motivation until one day…he found an old paint gun in his professor's desk (right under the female swimsuit catalog, funny because it never would have worked out- the girls' boobs were probably bigger than the professor's head) while robbing the old geezer. It was love at first shoot. First it began with the young elves. Then he moved on to bigger game. The reindeer. He was never hungry again. And besides, once he caught a rare species with a glowing red nose and it made a fantastic wall decoration.
Carl the Young Man-
After graduating (threatening the dean for release) from a troubled young elf termination facility…I mean correctional school…Carl had his meeting with Santa for assignment, as all young graduates did. Carl had grown into a fine young man, and was quite the looker. As he waited for Santa to join him in the office, Mrs. Clause caught a sight of him and tried to put the moves on. No matter how many times Carl said he didn't want anything to do with her "lovely lady humps" (of which she had plenty, because the main food source in the North Pole is cookies), she continued trying to convince him. Santa chose that moment to come in and was horrified/jealous. Trying to hurt Carl in the most painful way possible, Santa revealed that it was him that did the supersize gifting and that Carl's parents had died on the set of a D list MTV reality series through an accident he had something to do with (Santa doesn't like it when his "children" stray from Santatown). Carl shrugged, beat the milk and cookies out of Santa, stole the biggest two shotguns he had always admired, and walked out into the snow with Arnold (the Terminator stufty) in tow.
Carl the Terminator-
Carl had gone to a Slayer concert. There was something involving Pete Wentz and a couple of tequilas, but he was too wasted to remember any of it. Perhaps it is better left that way. ANYWAYS Carl woke up slightly woozie and realized he was in a suspiciously nerdy looking place. "I mean f***ing unholy zombie jesus this place looks like a Tolkein novel…" That's right Carl. You've been Punk'd. Santa doesn't like it when his children stray from Santatown. He got Ashton Kutcher to send you over.
Skills:
Erm…making toys.
Making children cry.
Being bad.
Working with industrial machinery
Sharp shooting (but he doesn't have a sniper rifle ) Not so good, but can do it.
Shooting. Well he'd rather just beat the eggnog right out of the perpetrator with his gun, but he can shoot. Averagely.
Fighting. A+ for average, agression, and Arnold (the Terminator stufty)
Consuming large amounts of food
Endurance (to burn off the large amounts of food consumed)
Being tr00
Lack of Skills:
Eloquence
Getting hot babes to stick around
Subtlety
Play by Post RPG
Computer skillz
Politeness
Speaking without swearing
Equipment:
Two shot guns. Except Althanas had a crappy effect on them so all they do now is shoot hooks with chains attached like the ones those spies use to get up buildings. Great, isn't it? Too bad he can't use a bow and arrow. He'd probably accidentally snap the bow.
Ahnold the Tuhminator Stufty.
*Familiars:
Sora. Sora is a little neko girl who likes to appear at random moments and act like Carl is her master. She is about 4 and ½ feet tall with pink fur and large purple eyes. She ties her large amount of pink hair into two high ponytails with yellow ribbon. She speaks in a high-pitched voice and purrs when Carl asks her to "get the hell away from me!!!". Sora is smitten with Carl and would do anything for him, but her affections are not returned. Poor Sora. Run Sora run. Play with catnip.
The neko girl has no skills besides being a gorgeous little neko girl and preening herself. She can do the hoola and has a thing for bells.
*Note that these fields are optional, and you may be approved without them.