View Full Version : All for a Band and Blessing
(Solo)
The Cliff Gates, it was one thing about the Moriah that still made Zerith a little uncomfortable. Perhaps it was because in the back of his mind, he knew he wasn’t in control of the situation. He was already out of his comfort zone; the last few days on the same ship with the same people could only keep his interest for a certain amount of time. Unfortunately, that time ran out long before the vessel he was on reached the narrow passage. He did understand why some people loved spend extended periods of time on ships. Everyday they were greeted with the same boring surroundings. The only thing in sight was water, and it surrounded them on all sides.
However the Cliff Gates were a threat to any ship. Towering above him at a total height of five hundred feet, the two cliffs stood as the first shield that protected Moriah. The narrow passage was deadly and tested the skill of any captain. Once you started down the six hundred foot passageway, there was no turning back until you made it to the other side. What really scared the halberdier was the fact that there was no room for failure. The feat had to be performed flawlessly; otherwise the cliffs would become two colossal tombstones for the ship and everyone onboard. So Zerith prayed the man behind the wheel wouldn’t buckle under the pressure, for his sake.
Zerith couldn’t bare to watch as the ship crossed the threshold into the passageway. Instead he closed his eyes as tightly as he could as if he was trying to convince himself he was dreaming. After a few moments passed he realized he wasn’t hearing any screaming or chaos on board the ship. So he slowly opened he eyes again, first the right one, then the left. When he could see again, he smiled widely when he saw that the ship was travelling straight down the middle of the narrow corridor. Everyone around him had faces that expressed signs of relief, as if they also doubted their chances of survival for a moment as well. But now that they had the entrance of the Cliff Gates behind them, all that was left was a straight path to Hamasha.
It was a shame that Jasmine wasn’t with Zerith. She always seemed to know how to calm her warder and let him relax. Her gentle voice calmed his nerves, reassured him that everything was fine and there wasn’t a single thing to worry about. However, he told her he would make this trip without her. And at first she was a little surprised by the requests simply because Moriah was her home and she wondered why her lover would want to go there without her. When she asked his reasoning behind the decision, Zerith explained that he wanted to get to know her family. To think of it as a time where he could go and get to know them and vice versa. Luckily for him, she believed it. And even when she kissed him goodbye and wished him a safe trip, she was completely unaware of the his real motive behind the journey.
As the ship crossed the final few feet of the passageway, Zerith was greeted with a clear sign of his destination not far in the distance. He smiled as he stared at it, knowing that it wasn’t much farter till the boat docked at Hamasha and he met Jasmine’s brother, King Eric. The halberdier hoped the good king would be understanding or maybe even happy when Zerith explained his purpose for coming. Because if Eric wasn’t, if the king of Moriah refused Zerith’s request. It meant that the warder was going to have a tough time to get the one small thing he had he heart set on obtaining.
But he also swore to himself that he wouldn't leave Moriah without it.
As Zerith’s ship was closing the final few miles in it’s trip. A large, royal carriage was just entering the docks. The carriage itself was beautifully decorated with large golden wheels that also had small, precious stones set into them. The carriage was black and not a single blemish was on it. There were no scratches or visible signs of frequent use. The driver was dressed in very fine suit which easily made him the most well dressed man in sight. The two horses looked like they had been pampered since birth. The manes had probably been brushed more in their small lives than the hair of a ten year old girl. On the outside of both doors, the insignia of the royal family stood out at clear as day. Only a few stopped to watch the carriage pass by. Even when it stopped, most people just continued on with their work.
After climbing down from his seat, the driver quickly walked over to one of the two doors and opened it to allow the passengers to finally be able to stretch their legs. “All I’m saying is don’t you think this is kind of strange?” King Eric asked as he climbed out of the carriage and into the sunshine. The young, brown haired king offered a quick thank you do the driver before turning around and holding his hand out to whoever rode with him.
“I don’t see anything strange about this,” was the reply. A delicate, feminine hand grabbed hold of Eric’s for support as his wife slowly climbed out of the carriage. It took a little effort as she held Eric’s hand with one of hers while in her other arm she carried their small son. But the blonde haired queen soon found herself standing straight on her two feet. “You said we would meet him here, remember?”
“Yes, I know I said that,” Eric responded. “But that wasn’t what I was referring to. I mean don’t you think it’s kind of strange that Zerith would want to come here suddenly?”
Laughing, Melody answered, “Why does it matter if Zerith wants to visit us? I think it’s a nice thing for him to come at least once and not feel like he’s only here because he’s with Jasmine. He’s an individual, not a pet that she keeps by her side. Besides, their relationship is a lot different now then when we first met him. I think this is the perfect chance for you and Zerith to get to know each other better. I’m sure Jasmine will love the fact that her brother and her warder became good friends.”
As much as Eric didn’t want to admit it, he knew his wife made a few good points. Instead of dragging on the conversation, the good king slowly reached into his pocket and retrieved an folded piece of parchment that still had a fragment of the wax seal attached to it. Unfolding it slowly, Eric read the letter silently.
Dear Eric,
How are things in Moriah? Is Dylan talking a lot? I know it has only been a month since Jasmine and I were there for a small amount of time and it was good to see that things seem to have gotten back to normal after the Hamasha incident. By the way, tell the people who helped rebuild it that they did a wonderful job. Hasmasha looked incredible!
The reason I’m writing you this letter is to inform you that I will be making another trip to Moriah quite soon. In fact, I’ll probably leave once I am sure you receive this letter. I’m still unsure if Jasmine will be accompanying me or not. There are things I’d like to talk to you about, things that I don’t want her to hear. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. You’ll understand why I wouldn’t want her to hear once I tell you.
Jasmine wants me to tell you she always thinks of you and your family. She also says to give Dylan and hug and kiss for her. If I don’t hear back from you, expect my arrival in a few weeks. If you do decide to write back, I’ll be on my way to Moriah the day after I receive your letter. Until then, take care of yourself.
Sincerely,
Zerith
“Eric!” The king’s attention on the letter was suddenly interrupted as Melody nudged his shoulder. “Zerith’s ship just docked. Help me try to spot him.”
As soon as the halberdier was able to, he quickly made his way down the ramp and off the ship. He had been waiting for to get back on land for days. And after the trip through the Cliff Gates, he didn't want to get on another boat anytime soon. With his halberd held tightly in his right hand, Zerith began to try and find Eric. In the letter he received from them before he left Jasmine, the king said he'd meet the halberdier at the docks of Hamasha.
Not far from the edge of the main pathway through the docks stood the large carriage with the emblem of the royal house decorating its doors. Beside it the handsome king, his beautiful queen and their energetic two year old all stood waiting. The young boy kept straining at his mother's hand, eager
to explore the docks and scare off seagulls while Melody and Eric both looked over the crowds of people, watching for their guest that was arriving. At last, Melody pointed directly at Zerith. "There he is. Get his attention."
While it was difficult to spot a single individual in the crowds of people at the docks in Moriah, a royal carriage was so obvious that only a blind man wouldn't have spotted it. As his eyes looked at the area around the Carriage, Zerith quickly spotted the royal family. Waving with his left hand, the warder quickly made his way over to them. As he greeted them he bowed, "King Eric, Queen Melody. It's good to see you again. I'm also grateful that you decided to go out of your way to meet me here."
Melody laughed, "We needed an excuse to get out of the city, anyway. Come, let's be going before Dylan pries my arm out of my shoulder." The little prince in question didn't even hear his mother's remark as his attention was completely fixed on watching a large seagull that was watching a fisherman unload his net. "Come along, Dylan."
"No! Wanna see birdie!"
Melody rolled her eyes over at Eric who shrugged his shoulders and gave a rueful grin before bending over and swooping the toddler up onto his shoulders. "Listen to your mother, son. It's good to see again as well, Zerith." Popping the child into the carriage, he climbed in after Melody and waited for Zerith to climb in as well. "But why didn't Jasmine come with you? She doesn't normally pass up a chance to see Dylan."
"Believe me when I say she wanted to come," Zerith replied as he slowly climbed into the carriage and sat across from the small family. "I told her I wanted the chance to get to know her family personally. However, I'm afraid I'll have to admit that was only half of the reason for my trip here."
King and queen exchanged glances, and then looked back at Zerith, "Well, go on then." Melody had one hand hooked into Dylan's belt as he kept poking his head out the window and waved to everyone that looked at him while shouting out 'hellos'
"Well, after seeing the picture of Jasmine's parents in her locket recently. I wondered if any of their possessions are still in existence," he explained.
"Like what? The manor still stands. No one but a handful of servants live there right now, and they only stay to keep it well maintained for Jasmine whenever she cares to come back for good. Nothing was sold or given away. Truthfully, as the only blood heir, everything is hers now to do with as she pleases. Which has been nothing so far.”
"Than can I make a small request? There is something in particular I would like if it's accessible"
Eric raised one eyebrow, "And what might that be?"
"What I want..." Zerith said as he took a deep breath and braced himself for whatever reaction he'd get. "…Is Jasmine's mother's engagement ring."
Eric's eyes almost popped out of his head in stunned disbelief, Melody caught on immediately. "Oh Zerith! Have you asked her yet or anything?"
The warder chuckled softly, "I wouldn't ask her that if I didn't have the ring. All I know it that I want to ask her, but I thought the ring would be somewhat special."
"I see. Well, you're in luck. Lord Matrino had it in his will, that should something happen to him and wife before Jas was old enough to marry, that their rings were to be removed and kept apart for Jasmine to use on her wedding day. The rings are at her manor house."
"Excellent!" Zerith exclaimed with a bright smile. "So is it possible if I could have it? Of course, I wouldn’t really have it for very long when you think about it."
"Wait a minute!" Eric interrupted as he snapped out of his daze, "What the heck are we talking about here?"
Melody giggled and answered her husband, "weren't you listening? Zerith has come to get Lady Maria's wedding ring, so he can ask Jasmine to marry him."
"Oh. Well, let me think about it. Despite the fact that they are hers, while she is away, I'm in charge of her belongings."
Zerith shook his head slightly, "I don't really understand what the problem is. I thought you'd be a little more excited at the thought of what I would do with the ring, Eric."
"Umm, well, you see.." Eric started until Melody stopped him when she laid a hand on his arm.
"What he's trying to say, is that he's not sure because Jasmine is his sister and she's the only one he's got. Why don't we let this matter drop for a little while, then come back to it with fresh minds after thinking about it for a little while?" she asked with a "trust me" wink for Zerith that she didn't let Eric see.
"That…that sounds like good advice, my dear." Eric answered quietly, not meeting Zerith's eyes.
"Yeah, take as much time as you need," Zerith answered. He looked a Melody with a smile, "But I'd like to note that I refuse to leave Moriah without the ring."
The queen smiled warmly, she could see the determination in Zerith’s face when he spoke the last sentence. She thought the whole idea of the ring was romantic, and the fact that the warder thought of it and had come there by himself was adorable. “Then we’re agreed, you two can talk more about it later. In the meantime, how is Jasmine doing?”
The rest of the long ride went along smoothly, and neither Zerith or Eric brought up the subject of Maria’s ring again. Instead they talked about recent news, Zerith described where the princess and warder were living. In return Eric explained the how the process of rebuilding Hamasha went. All the while, Melody’s thoughts still lingered on the wedding ring. Ultimately she decided she would help try to convince her husband to allow Zerith to have the ring. The only thing she had to do first was prove to him that the halberdier was the right one for his sister. Something much easier said than done.
The rest of the day went as smoothly as the rest of the ride in the carriage did simply because he trip back to Nadai took most of the day. In fact, by the time the four of them got back to the palace, it was already time for dinner. Thankfully, the cooks had already prepared the meal for the royal family and their guest. So Eric, Melody, Dylan and Zerith all went straight from the carriage to the large table where the royal family had always eaten at. The dinner itself was incredible, and for a few minutes during the beginning of the meal, Zerith felt a little uncomfortable with how formal everything appeared. The uncertainty of knowing what to do soon disappeared as the halberdier recalled the lessons he received in the past. After that, one would have never known he wasn’t really a noble. Instead that would probably have just labelled him as a lord or something.
After the delicious meal was over, it was time for Dylan to said good-night to the halberdier. So after a final hug and kiss from his father, Melody picked up their son and went off to tuck him in for bed. While the queen was taking care of that, Eric suggested the two men head to somewhere where they could relax. Zerith followed obediently as the king lead the way through his palace. Although he had been there a few times in the past, the halberdier hadn’t quite memorized the layout of the building yet. So without Eric’s guidance, Zerith was sure he would get himself lost.
Eventually, the two men entered what appeared to be a casual sitting room. However, the attempt to make it look ‘casual’ didn’t really succeed. The room still looked like something only the wealthy could have. A large carpet covered the floor, the chairs and sofa had more pillows than Zerith had slept on during his entire life. Numerous pictures hung on the walls, yet only one was recognized by the halberdier. It was a portrait of Jasmine’s parent, Lord and Lady Matrino. The only reason Zerith knew that was because it was identical to the picture his princess showed him. His attention on it was suddenly interrupted as Eric gestured to a sofa and told him to have a seat. Not only after the two began to get comfortable, Melody entered the room and took a seat beside her husband, across from the halberdier.
While it was nice to have this opportunity to just sit back and relax. Zerith thought’s still lingered on Maria’s ring. He needed it, wanted it more than Eric would ever know. He didn’t quite understand why the king didn’t sound excited when the warder initially asked for the ring either. Here was a man, asking for a ring so he could propose to your sister. Shouldn’t there be a little bit of happiness and celebration? Perhaps Eric just needed to be reminded that the Zerith was still waiting for an answer.
"So..." Zerith said as he looked at Melody and then at Eric. The tone in his voice was the type that would what he was going to say obvious to people. "It's been a few hours since I've gotten here. Do you think you've come to a decision about the ring, Eric?"
Eric sighed deeply as if he really didn’t want to touch the subject. "No, Zerith. I haven't made a decision yet."
"I see," the halberdier replied. He hated this feeling he had, like he was being treated like a joke. Like he wasn't been taken seriously. He couldn't put his finger on it, but for some reason he was getting that feeling from Eric. "Forgive me for asking this, but what exactly is holding you back giving me that ring?"
"Really, love. I don't see why not myself?" Melody added, watching her husband.
"It's just that…” the king began before he stopped suddenly. He took a deep breath before he next words came out of his mouth, “Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I guess I'll just say it outright. I only want the very best of the best for my sister and I think she's already met that person, she just doesn't realize what she's missing."
"Oh really?" Zerith said sarcastically. "I fail to see anyone else who's better for me than I am. Does this person have a name?"
This was definitely a place where Eric didn’t want to go, but Zerith was starting to get on his nerves. "As a matter of fact, he does. Prince Raelyse Obscura. They were perfect together until you came along."
"Prince Raelyse...until I came along?" Zerith said in disbelief. The fact that Eric though Jasmine was better off with Raelyse made the warder feel like the king stabbed the halberdier in the heart. Better yet, it felt like Eric was cutting it out of his chest and crushing it in his hand. "What the hell does Raelyse have that makes him better than me!?"
Melody frowned, knowing this was only the beginning of an argument. It was like watching a clash between titans, though she was a little relieved knowing Dylan wouldn’t have to see this. She didn’t like the way this was going at all, but she knew Eric. And if Zerith managed to stand his ground, it would go a long way to convincing Eric, so she held her tongue.
"What does he have?" Eric repeated as he stood angrily, "Plenty. As much I hate it, my sister does not want to be tied down to one place. Raelyse has the position and the power to keep her safe, if she'd just let him. She would have been just fine staying with him in Erebus. She would have been safe.”
"Well that’s a typical answer from a king that doesn't have a damn clue what he's talking about!" Zerith roared as he rose to his feet. "Why the hell did I even bother asking a question like that to a isolated king that rules over a country that people in Alerar don't even know it exists!? Raelyse Obsura Salidan is an asshole, and a big one at that! And to say that you'd rather choose him over me for Jasmine shows just how clueless you are, Eric!" he shouted.
"Well here's a little bit of information about your ideal princes that I bet you would never expected,” Zerith continued. “He was cheating on Jasmine, Eric! God, I can't even count how many women he slept with behind your sister’s back! And 'up until I came along' Jasmine was completely in the dark about it too. She would probably still be if it wasn't for me! Prince Raelyse Obscura. A fine choice if you care for Jasmine about as little as he did. I should slap you just for thinking it."
“What are you talking about?” the king demanded.
“I’m sorry, allow me to put in into terms you’ll understand. Raelyse didn’t love Jasmine, he probably never did! All the prick ever wanted was to get Jasmine in bed. I was unaware you’d prefer to have Jasmine treated like a piece of meat. It’s a shame a guy who actually cares about her got in the way of your ‘ideal’ couple.”
Eric stood perfectly still for a moment glaring, "And what have you done that's so much better?"
“Two and a half years,” Zerith answered immediately. “I’ve kept your sister safe for two and a half years! While your ideal suitor for her disappeared leaving broken promises, I was the one who picked Jasmine up and helped her get back on her feet! As her warder, I have the position and power to keep her safe, it was my responsibility to do that even before Raelyse entered the picture! Face it Eric, you know I care about Jasmine just as much as you do! You just don’t want to admit the fact that it makes me the ideal one for her!”
"On top of that," Zerith glared angrily. "If it wasn't for me, I could think of a certain two year old that would probably spend his time visiting his father's grave. I stuck my neck out for you! I thought that it was important for you to actually see your son's birth. So I helped defend your kingdom, while Raelyse had already left Moriah! If that isn't good enough I would have hoped the simple fact that I took your sister away from a man him that would have be good enough. I was unaware that loving her enough to do all that I’ve done for her was a crime. The next time you intend on handing her over to someone like Raelyse and you don’t want me to get in the way, make sure I get the damned memo! But just so you know, I’ll probably come along again and do the exact same thing I did this time. Because I love her!”
Eric could take no more. Afraid that he would lash out physically at his guest, he abruptly turned and stalked out of the room. Melody watched him go sadly and then turned to Zerith.
"Don't worry, Zerith. He'll come around. He's far too trusting of people. He tends to believe there is good in everyone and doesn't always see the mask of good intentions that people like Raelyse put on."
"If he was far too trusting, then I would have the ring in my hands already," Zerith said angrily as he sat down. "What does Raelyse have that I don't? Is a crown really that important?"
Melody took a seat near him, "To the Mori people yes. It is the law that she, as a princess, may not marry a commoner. She's never liked that law and it was one of the first things she planned to change when she became queen. He trusts Raelyse more because Raelyse does have a crown. Silly, I know, but true. Eric saw the mask of the good prince sweeping the princess off her feet at that ball and that is what he's going on. Eric grew up a soldier. He was not taught the nuances of a court and how to tell when people were being truthful. I was.”
“I saw the way Raelyse looked at the other women in the room when he was dancing with Jasmine and I knew then that it was a fake. When they disappeared into the gardens for so long, I had to talk Eric into going to look for them. I will talk to Eric later tonight. In the meantime, please, just let it lie until he brings it up again. At least for a few days."
"Fine, I’m not leaving without the ring anyways." Zerith said though clentched teeth. "What about you? I know I don't meet Eric's approval, especially after what just happened. Do I meet yours?"
She smiled warmly at that, "If you didn't, why would I talk to Eric about it? I couldn't be happier. Like I said, Eric is often blind when it comes to reading people, so he didn't see the way Jasmine's eyes softened every time she looked at you or the way her smile brightened when she thought of you and you weren't right beside her. I will talk to Eric and he will see the truth of the matter, I promise. Now, it's getting late and we should both head on to bed."
A slight smiled formed on his face, "I see. But before you head to bed, do you think you could tell me that they would think?" he said as he pointed to a portrait of Jasmine's parents on the wall. "I never had the opportunity to meet them. So instead of trying to get their approval, I'm struggling to get Eric's. Do you think they would have shunned me or do you think they would have welcomed me with open arms?"
"Honestly, I don't remember them very well. I was only 7 when they were killed. I would hope that they would approve for their daughter's sake, but I can't honestly tell you, sorry."
"I guess I'll just have to deal with that," Zerith replied before sighing heavily. "Go on Melody. You should go tend to your husband. He's probably pacing back and forth somewhere."
She smiled, "Either that, or sitting in a chair sulking. Good night, Zerith. Get some sleep." She stood gracefully to her feet and quietly left the small sitting room, leaving Zerith alone with his thoughts.
As Melody made her way quickly to the Royal Suite, she pondered over how she would take care of this. Although it only took a short time, she soon found herself entering the Royal Suite. Eric was sitting in his easy chair, glaring at the empty fireplace as if he wished he could throw the halberdier in it a watch the man burn. Shaking her head, she bypassed him to go and check on Dylan. When she saw that the boy was sound asleep, she closed the door softly and then went and stood in front of Eric and placed her hands on her hips, as if she was going to punish him like a child.
"You are being the most ridiculous man I have ever met." She spoke firmly. When Eric didn't answer, she continued. "Were you not listening to what Zerith said? He has been by Jasmine's side for the last 2 and a half years, Raelyse has not. Remember when I asked you to go check on them in the garden at that midwinter ball so long ago? Now you know why. Zerith is right about Raelyse, you just won't see it. What will it take for you to understand that Raelyse is not the kind of person that would ever truly care what happens to Jasmine? Maybe you should talk to Zerith about some of the things he's protected her from over the last two years. If nothing else, understand that Jasmine loves him and will likely marry him with or without your blessing. You know she’ll do it too"
"You just don't understand."
"I understand enough, Eric!" she snapped. "I understand that they love each very much. I also understand that Jasmine left the life of a princess behind on purpose. That means the rules that we as nobles live by no longer apply to her. You can't hinder her from marrying Zerith simply because he is not a prince or a lord."
"It's not because he isn’t a prince or a lord!" he growled, trying to keep his voice low so as not to wake Dylan.
"Then what's your reason, Eric!? Why are you being so stubborn about this? Hasn't he done enough to earn you blessing? He loves her enough to lay down his life for her country. Raelyse would never do something like that. He was on the first ship out of Hamasha the morning after the ball. He didn't even stick around long enough to say good bye. Zerith loves her just as much as you do, if not more. The thing that really frustrates me is that you know it too."
"Mommy?" a sleepy voice called out in the silence that fell between man and wife. In the doorway to his room stood the small form of Dylan, clutching onto a teddy bear tucked with one arm and a blankie held up to chest. "Mommy, I woked up."
Melody immediately went over to her son and scooped him up in her arms. "It's okay, sweetie. Daddy and I were just talking. We're sorry we woke you."
"I like Zerth. Where Auntie?"
”’Zerth’, how cute,” she thought. The queen of Moriah would have to remember to tell the halberdier how her son refers to him, if not show him. "Auntie Jasmine stayed behind this time, hun. She'll come next time though, okay? And I'm glad you like Mr. Zerith so much."
While she talked, she carried him back to his bed and laid him down in it. After pulling the covers back up to his chin, she gently kissed his forehead and ran a hand through his hair. "Now, go back to sleep, Dylan. I love you."
"Love you, Mommy."
In a few short minutes, Dylan was asleep again. This time, when Melody emerged, she didn’t stop to talk to her husband. Instead, she walked on into the sleeping area of their suite and got ready for bed. Hopefully, Eric would think about her words and his own attitude, and change his mind by morning. Right now though, she wanted to get some rest.
Eric stayed up for another hour before he climbed into bed, thinking about what everyone had said, including his son.
~~~
“Come on, there has to be an answer in here,” Zerith thought as he quickly turned another page. Despite the fact that it was getting into the early hours of the morning, the halberdier refused to sleep. Although he was laying safely under the sheets of the bed in the guestroom that was prepared for him, He was busy reading a book. It wasn’t a novel, or anything enjoyable for that matter either. The large, red book was actually the laws of Moriah. The warder wasn’t even really taking time to read it carefully. He was really just searching for something, anything that could help him.
After Melody mentioned Mori law and how important it was to people. The halberdier realized that he needed to find an answer or ever a way around the possible problem. So before he retired to his bedroom, he managed to get a servant to bring him the book for him to read. He knew he wanted Jasmine tremendously, needed to spend the rest of his life with her. The way she made him feel was unlike anything else the halberdier experienced. He felt like he had a better purpose in life than just wandering around aimlessly, going wherever he could find work. So in his mind, what better way was there to say he wanted her always beside him than to ask her to be his wife?
He flipped another page, then another. “This is ridiculous,” he told himself. “I’m never going to find something in this book.”
Yet the warder kept reading. If it meant getting the ring and marrying his lover, he’d stay up all night until and wouldn’t leave his room until he found an answer. He needed to be with Jasmine, much more than Eric thought.
While most of the place slept in the early hours of the morning, a small, energetic two-year old crept out of his room. Still clutching teddy bear and blankie as if they were the only things that could keep him safe, he quietly padded to his parents' bed and climbed up between them. As the little boy snuggled between his two caregivers, the eyes of his father slowly opened. When Eric’s gaze recognized the small form of his son, a smile spread across his face. Sitting up in his bed, the father pulled the blanket down, allowing his son to settle in.
"Good morning, Dylan."
The young prince snuggled under the coverlet and close to his daddy before his big eyes gazed up at the man he idolized.
"Morning, Daddy. I woked up," Dylan replied.
"Yes, you did. Is something wrong?"
Dylan was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating if there would be any consequences if something were wrong. Eventually, the child looked straight into Eric's eyes, "Why Daddy not like Zerth?"
The innocent question surprised Eric greatly. He hadn’t expected that Dylan had been paying any kind of attention to what the grown-ups had been saying the night before. Of course like any father, the king didn’t want to have to lie to his son or anything else of the sort. The was that Eric did in fact like Zerith, he just wasn't sure he liked him well enough to have the halberdier as a brother-in-law.
"I like Zerith just fine, Dylan. Now, go back to sleep."
"Why you yell?"
"Last night?" at the child's nod he continued, "Mommy and Daddy were just disagreeing on something, that’s all. Do you like Zerith?"
"Yes. I like Zerth," the prince answered immediately.
“I see, why do you like him.”
“I dunno,” was the answer the king received. “Zerth is nice to me. He nice to Mommy and Daddy and Auntie too.”
The king’s lips turned into a slight smile. His son did have a point. For the entire time Eric knew Zerith, the halberdier had always be friendly too Eric and Melody. Even during the few moments Jasmine wasn’t with them, the warder’s behavior didn’t change. In fact, Zerith had always been kind to the royal family. And last night was the first time the halberdier dug his heels into the ground and gave Eric a piece of his mind. Though now as Eric looked back on it, perhaps he hit a nerve when he mentioned Raelyse’s name. Perhaps he would ask the warder to tell him the complete story later. When the two could talk privately. “Yes, Zerith is nice. Do you have any other questions?”
“No. Love you, Daddy.”
"I love you, too, Dylan. Now, go back to sleep."
Dylan slowly drifted back to sleep in the large bed and between both of his parents. While Eric laid wide-awake thinking again about his son's words. Though it felt like it took a longer time that it probably actually did. Eventually, he too drifted back to sleep.
A few hours later, while Melody was busy with Dylan and while the palace was busy with activity, Eric made his way down to the stables. While he was there, he ordered for his personal horse and another to be prepared for a long ride. Not only that, but the stablemen were also to go to the kitchen and ask for two small sack lunches and put one with each horse. After he was satisfied knowing that everything was underway. King Eric went in search of Zerith.
“Maybe Melody is right,” he thought as he approached the halberdier’s room. “Maybe it would be a good idea for me to at least get an idea of exactly what Zerith has done for Jasmine. Who knows? Maybe he cares for her more than I think he does.”
Zerith had spent most of the night searching for an answer in the think, heavy book that was brought to him. It was only when he was too tired to focus that he finally decided to put Morian law on hold and get some sleep. However, he went straight back into the book as soon as he had gotten dressed the next morning. He lost track of how many times he had flipped through its pages, desperately searching for something that could help as if it was some lost relic of the past. As he sat on his bed with his back pressed against the headboard, the halberdier stared at the red tome that sat in his lap. It was pointless to open the book and try again; he concluded that since he hadn’t found anything yet, he probably wouldn’t find anything at all. Frowning in disgust, Zerith picked up the book and dropped it onto the side table beside him with an audible thud. A brief moment of silence passed before the warder heard the familiar sound of a knock on his bedroom door. Groaning, Zerith slowly turned his head towards the wooden door, “Come in”.
The door opened slowly and King Eric peeked his head in, “Good morning Zerith. Can I come in?”
“Of course,” the halberdier replied with a yawn. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get much sleep,” he explained as he climbed off the bed and rose to his feet.
“Well I’m sorry to hear that. A little trouble sleeping I take it?”
“I guess you can say that,” Zerith answered.
Eric nodded silently, “I see.” His eyes drifted around the room for a moment until they finally stopped on the red book. “What’s that?” he asked as he approached the book and picked it up. “Morian Law?” he asked after reading the title. “Zerith, should I even bother asking why you’re reading Morian law?”
“I don’t know,” the warder said sarcastically. “Care to tell me why?”
The young king sighed deeply as he placed the book back on the table. “I get points for effort Zerith, but my hands are tied.”
“Yeah, well if they’re tied then why the hell did you bother coming to me in the first place?” Zerith replied angrily.
“Well, I wanted to apologize what happened last night. I think I must of hit a nerve of yours with something I said,” Eric answered.
“Yeah, well...” Zerith said before stopped to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry too. I think I may have said some things that were uncalled for. You really are a good king Eric.”
A slight smiled formed on the king’s face before he headed towards the door. “Come on, Let’s get out of here.”
“What? Where exactly are we going?” the warder asked as he followed suit, stopping briefly to grab his belongings.
“We’re going for a ride. I took the liberty of getting a few horses ready for us, and a couple of lunches packed as well. I’ve decided I would like to hear about some of the things you’ve done for Jasmine, and more about what Raelyse was like.”
“Wow, talk about a sudden change of heart,” Zerith thought. “Does this mean he’s giving me a chance? What's the catch?”
“I think I like the sound of that, Eric,” Zerith said as he smiled at the king before laughing softly. “Now I can see where Jasmine got this ‘morning ride’ habit of hers.”
As he lead the halberdier to the stables, Eric laughed loudly at the last comment. “I bet you would like to think so, however I’m afraid it was I who got the habit from her.”
The ride with Eric was surprisingly relaxing for the halberdier. Neither the king nor warder mentioned the argument they had the night before. Instead, Eric listened intently as Zerith told the king all his history with the former princess. From when he first became her warder, to when he discovered he had feelings for the princess when the celebrated the recapture of Hamasha. He described in great detail the events of the masquerade party, including the initial kiss the two shared and the argument Zerith had with Jasmine when he told her about the truth about her former lover. From there, he went to tell the story of their last assignment of the GO. How he finally convinced Eric’s ‘sister’ to leave the Grander, how they were ambushed by the dwarves and exactly what Raelyse’s final words were to Jasmine.
“So let me get this straight,” Eric said as he took a bite out of an apple while the two travelled at a leisurely pace, enjoying the warm sunshine and the cool, western breeze. The two had were just about to reach the destination Eric had planned, the large house that marked Jasmine’s family’s estate “Raelyse called Jasmine a slut?” he asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, you should have seen how much it upset her,” Zerith answered. “Of course, I may have overreacted a bit when I punched him in the face for calling her that. Though honestly, I don’t regret doing it.”
Eric’s lips curved into a smile, “Good, I probably would have done the same thing if I was there. I can’t believe I actually thought he was a good match for her. Do you think I’m a bad person for thinking that?”
Zerith shook his head, “You’re not a bad person, Eric. Jasmine didn’t believe it at first either. In fact, I was surprised when Melody said she didn’t trust Raelyse.”
The king laughed softly, “What can I say? I married a bright, beautiful woman. She was even the one that initially suggested to that I listen to these stories of yours. Of course, going for the ride was my idea.”
“I was meaning to ask you what the point behind this ride was,” Zerith replied. “I mean I know we’re on some sort of property and I’m assuming this manor here is our destination, but is there some meaning behind this? ”
Smiling again, Eric pointed to the large house they had just reached. “This here is Jasmine’s estate. I briefly served her parents here before they were killed. I’ve always hoped to see her stop travelling and settle down here for good. She doesn’t need to travel all the time, you know?”
Before the halberdier could answer the question, his eyes widened with shock as a crossbow bolt suddenly appeared and buried itself in Eric’s right shoulder, knocking the king right off his horse. “Eric!” Zerith called out as dismounted in a hurry to rush to the aid of the king as in screamed in pain. However as was just about to kneel beside Eric and see if he was okay. He could hear a gruff voice behind him.
“Damnit! He’s still alive! Come on boys, time to finish the job.”
As fast as he could, Zerith spun around to see who the voice belonged to. Immediately his sapphire eyes locked on a short man who was busy trying to load his crossbow for a second shot. Almost as if it was instinct, the halberdier reached behind him for his dagger and sent it flying through the air towards the assassin. The serrated blade hit its mark straight in the chest, who dropped the cross bow and fell over dead.
Before the halberdier could approach the corpse, three others appeared from around the left side of the manor, all wielding short swords. Gripping into his halberd tightly, Zerith stood his ground and braced himself. The first of the three fell quickly, a victim to the sharp point of Amenzanil and the reach of its wielder. The other two were luckier and actually managed to get on the offensive. One made a high swing for Zerith’s head, who managed to duck underneath the blade and sweep his attacker of his feet. Unfortunately, the halberdier was unable to finish the second one off, as the third one came to his rescue and went of the warder’s left side.
Sidestepping out of the way, Zerith quickly countered by striking the sword with the end shaft of his halberd followed by burying the blade of Amenzanil into the side of the attackers skull before his other opponent could climb to his feet. “I’m not here to fight you,” the remaining one tried to explain as he backed away. “I’m here just to kill him. So since my partners are dead, why not just back off and I’ll split my reward with you 50/50?”
Zerith frowned in response, “Hell no. Although he may not admit it right now, King Eric is family to me, and I don’t let anyone hurt my family.” He said quickly before he charged towards the only remaining attacker. The stranger surprisingly managed to hold his own, parrying Zerith’s attacks with only his short sword. The fight went on for a bit, back and forth between the two as the clashing of blades repeated. The halberdier did manage to overwhelm the other eventually, knocking out the final assassin with a blow to the head from his halberd’s shaft.
With the last of the attacked defeated, Zerith quickly rushed to Eric’s side. “Are you alright, Eric?” he asked as he helped the king sit up.
Nodding slowly, the king winced in pain as Zerith began the task of removing the bolt and bandaging the wound. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Though I am a little confused as to why those guys were here and why they wanted me dead.”
“Don’t worry,” Zerith replied before stopping to pull the bolt out of the king’s shoulder. After the pain in Eric’s shoulder subsided, the halberd retrieved some bandaging from his saddlebag and wrapped up the wound nicely. “I’ll see if I can find us some answers. Right now though, my priority is making sure you’re okay.” He finished and received a silent nod from the king, who was actually beginning to reconsider the thought having the halberdier as a brother-in-law.
While Eric was inside the Matrino manor and getting looked at by some of the servants that worked there, Zerith had taken the time to tie up the one previous attacker that he knocked out and deal with the corpses of the others. Thankfully, it looked like Eric’s shoulder would heal just fine, though the halberdier still predicted it would hurt for the next few days and suggested that the king not do any heavy lifting or strenuous exercise with. So with Eric’s health no longer a concern, Zerith was free to get everything ready for the trip back Nadai. He was just about to go inside the manor to get Eric when he heard the attacker moan slightly and begin to stir. So instead Zerith picked up his halberd and approached the restrained man.
“Ugh,” The man groaned as he laid flat on his back and slowly opened his eyes to stare at the blue sky at the warder that stared down at him. “What happened? Why the hell am I tied up!?” He shouted when he realized he couldn’t move his arms or legs.
“You tried to kill the king,” Zerith replied. His right arm moved so the sharp titanium point of Amenzanil was positioned just in front of the stranger’s face, “and now you’re going to tell me why?”
“Why the hell would I tell you anything?” he spat as he glared at the halberdier. “I wouldn’t have run into any problems if it weren’t for you.”
Amused, Zerith laughed. “Nobody ever decides to make this easy for me,” He said with a grin. “Fine, we can do it the hard way.” As if on cue, the blade of the halberd crackled with electricity. “Now then, why did you try to kill the king?”
“Go to hell you bastard, it doesn’t concern y-“
Before the man could finish, he screamed in pain as he felt the cold titanium dig into his right shoulder. “Tell me why!” Zerith demanded as he twisted the halberd slightly to try and show that he wasn’t kidding.
“Alright, I was hired to kill the guy, goddamn it!” he shouted between screams. “We were promised five hundred gold coins for each of us if we killed him!”
“Ah, so you’re a mercenary?” Zerith said with a slight smile. “Now tell me, who gave you the job?”
“You’re crazy if you think I’ll tell you that.”
“Give me a name!” Zerith roared as he sent a jolt of electricity through his halberd and into the man’s shoulder. “Who wants King Eric dead?”
“Some noble woman named Lady Dariah Pertenza!” the mercenary screamed, “Just please stop!”
“See? Now was that so hard to do?” Zerith said as he pulled his halberd out of the man and pulled the stranger to his feet. “You’re going to come with us to Nadai,” he explained as he dragged the stranger to his horse. As the place the man on the beast, he continued. “Once we get there the guards will get the pleasure to deal with you for attempting to assassinate the king. As for Lady Pertenza, I’m sure King Eric himself will want to talk to her personally, and deal with her as he sees fit.”
Once Zerith was sure the mercenary wasn’t going anywhere, he went into the straight to Eric and told him exactly what the man said. The two began the ride back to Nadai immediately, bringing the mercenary with them. Although he had no clue what was going to happen. Zerith was quite positive that Eric would demand to see Dariah Pertenza as soon as they reached the palace. Whatever happened from there was the king’s decision. Though as he looked at the anger in Eric’s face as they rode, Zerith was certain that Dariah wish she could have changed her actions by the end of the day.
Later that day, when the blue sky had turned to the lovely shades of orange and red as the sun was setting. Zerith found himself standing near Eric as he sat in his sapphire throne. As the sunshine that came through the western windows filled the large room, it seemed to only add more beauty to the room which was already looked like a giant piece of art with the various tapestries and states that decorated the stone walls. However, the king’s attention wasn’t on admiring the surrounding she ruled from. Instead, he stared the massive, red doors with as did his best to wait patiently for the noblewoman he summoned for. Resting his chin on his left hand, Eric’s facial expression showed only a glimpse of how angry he really was. On his left, Melody stood beside him who in turn had the halberdier standing on her left. “Eric, darling?” The queen spoke softly, “Are you sure you want to do this now and not wait till tomorrow?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” The king replied. “Someone wanted me dead, Melody. I want to know what made them dare to try to kill me.”
Suddenly, the doors opened and five figures entered the room. Four of them were guards, who’s steel, full plate armor clanked loudly they approached the throne. In the middle of them Zerith saw who he assumed was Dariah Pertenza. The noble wore a knee-length, red dress that was cut rather low to show off her rather large bust. Her curly, blonde hair seemed to glow in the sunlight and she was easily taller than both Melody and Jasmine. She held her head high as she approached the throne, and didn’t even bow to her king when they five finally came to a stop. As the guards each took a single step away from the woman and faced each other in pairs, Melody leaned over to Zerith and whispered, “That’s her. That’s the woman Raelyse was looking at while he danced with Jasmine at that ball. If you ask me, she’s nothing but trouble. Now that I see her, I’m not the slightest bit surprised that she was the one the assassin named.”
“Lady Dariah Pertenza,” Eric spoke in a firm, strong voice. “Do you know why I’ve summoned you so suddenly?”
“No your highness,” she answered immediately, almost as if it was rehearsed.
“I called you here to explain something to me,” the king answered. “I want you tell me why you hired four mercenaries to try and kill me this afternoon?”
“With all due respect, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Zerith,” the king called out as he turned his head to look at the halberdier. “Tell me again, what was the named the mercenary told you when he asked who hired him to kill me?”
“Lady Dariah Pertenza, the same name I gave you right after he told me.”
“How do you know he’s even speaking the truth!” Dariah shouted. She looked at the halberdier in disgust, “He’s just a foreigner, why should he even be in the same room as us? Go home you bastard, let us civilized people take care of the issue.”
“Don’t you dare speak to him like that Dariah!” Eric roared as he sprung to his feet. “He is here because I wanted him here. I know he wouldn’t lie to me. Now tell me why you tried to kill me!”
Smiling wickedly, Dariah laughed at king. “You must be crazy to think I’d tell you why I did it. You would be dead by now if it weren’t for that piece of shit!” she yelled as she pointed at Zerith. “If you’re wondering if I’m sorry for what I did, the answer is I’m not. My only regret is that those men didn’t manage to kill your dear friend here.”
“Guards!” Eric screamed, “Get her out of my sight, I wanted her executed before this sunset is over.”
Even though the four guards each had a hold on her, Lady Dariah fought kicking and screaming as they dragged her out of the throne room. “I hope you burn in Hell Eric! Along with your wife and son! Montego was ten times the king you are, you hear me? Ten times!”
While Dariah’s screaming slowly died out, Eric took a deep breath before turning to the halberdier. “I’m sorry Zerith,” he apologized. “You didn’t need to be treated like that, especially by her.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Zerith answered as he approached the king. “I’m just relieved that it’s over.”
For the first time since their ride early that afternoon, Eric smiled, “I agree. Though the truth is you saved my life today, which I thank you for. So tell me, how can I repay you?”
After hearing the question, Zerith’s eyes immediately went to Melody, who smiled and nodded in return. “Well, come to think of it,” he said as he turned to face Eric once more. “There is one thing I wouldn’t mind, and you already know what it is.”
“Oh yes, I think I know what you’re referring to,” Eric replied as he too turned to look at Melody. The queen raised her eyebrows and gestured for Eric to give the warder what he wanted. However Eric was still a little reluctant to do so, “Let me think about it a little while longer, Hopefully I'll have a final decision tomorrow."
“That’s fine with me,” Zerith thought as they three of them left the throne room together. “Besides, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to wait one more night.”
Late, that night Zerith found himself unable to fall asleep yet again. Perhaps it was due to everything that happened earlier that day, or maybe he couldn’t sleep because he was anxious to hear Eric’s final decision, if the king ever reached one. As he rolled onto his side, the warder’s eyes fell upon the red book he had spent so much time reading the night before only to come out empty handed. “I wonder...” the halberd thought to himself as he sat up, staring at the tome on the side table. Slowly, he picked up the heavy book with both hands and placed it in his lap. Running a single finger along the edge of the cover, the halberdier tilted his head slightly as stared at the item intensely. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take another shot at it,” he eventually concluded and was about to open the book until...
Knock! Knock!
The sudden banging on his door nearly made the warder jump. Frozen, the halberdier stared at his bedroom door, wondering if he was just imagining the sound. Then it suddenly happened again, to which Zerith immediately responded by placing the book down beside him on the bed beside him and rising to his feet. The knocking happened a third time just at the warder reached for the knob of the door. Stopping for a moment to take a deep breath, the halberdier turned the knob quickly and opened the door to see who on Althanas would be up at the current, late hour and knocking on his door.
Zerith’s sapphire eyes were greeted with the sight of a member of the palace guard, still in his suit of full-plate. The knight bowed slightly before he spoke quietly, “I’m sorry if I woke you up, sir. However, I’ve been ordered to escort you to the throne room. Apparently the king wishes to have a word with you.”
“With me? At this hour?” Zerith said in disbelief. It really wasn’t a problem for the warder, who was still in his normal clothes due to not being able to sleep. “Did he mention what he wanted to talk to me about?”
“I’m afraid not, sir,” the guard replied. “But if you would please come with me, you’ll find out momentarily.”
Obediently, Zerith immediately stepped out of his room and followed the guard through the dark, quiet halls of the palace. It was if the palace itself was sleeping peacefully, the only sounds Zerith heard were both his and the guard’s footsteps as they walked. The only sources of light were the torches that hung in the main corridors. When they eventually reached the large doors that signified the entrance to the throne room, the guard slowly opened the doors and gestured for Zerith to go on ahead.
Inside the throne room, numerous guards stood around the throne and on either side of the carpet leading to the throne. Every single one of them held a torch in his hands and kept their focus only on what was in front of them. The torches only managed to shed enough light to show the path to the sapphire throne and the king who sat upon it as he stared at Zerith with a serious expression. Everything that hung on the walls that made the large room seem so beautiful were out of sight, covered in darkness. Slowly, the halberdier continued on down the carpet and until he finally stopped before the steps leading up Eric and his throne. Lowering himself down to one knee, Zerith bowed his head in respect. “You called for me, your highness?” he spoke clearly.
“Yes Zerith, I did call for you,” Eric replied. He still wore the elegant clothes he wore when he had confronted Dariah, though this time he also wore his crown. “Ever since you’re arrival, I have gotten the chance to interact with you personally and get to know you. Even from the start, I saw your determination when you expressed your motives for coming here and when you continuously pushed me for an answer. I also saw your concern for Jasmine when you clearly expressed your opinion regarding by earlier belief that Prince Raelyse was the right man for her.”
“Listen sire, I can expl-“
“However,” Eric spoke louder and interrupted the halberdier. “Today I’ve seen you try to find a solution in Morian Law, heard of some of the things you’ve done for my sister and protected her from. You even risked your own life for mine and stood by my side today.” As he rose from his throne, Eric began to approach the kneeling warder as he continued. “All of the qualities I’ve seen in you and the act you did today have helped me reach a final decision, Zerith. Now please stand.”
Rising to his feet, Zerith watched as Eric took the final few steps and stopped just before the warder. Smiling, the king held out his left arm placed something solid in Zerith’s hand. At the halberdier looked down to see what the king had given him, his eyes widened with surprised at what he saw. There, in his own hands and before his very own eyes rested a small black box. “Does this mean? Is this?” Zerith said as he struggled for words, it was like he was unsure this was really happening.
“I misjudged you Zerith, You’re the right person for her.” Eric replied with a grin. “In that box is Maria’s engagement right, just what you asked for. So I want you to take it with you and use it when you propose. Melody and I are already looking forward to hearing what she says. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m looking forward to having you as a brother-in-law.”
“Oh believe me, the feeling is mutual,” Zerith said laughing as he hugged Eric. Looking at the box once more, Zerith couldn’t help be feel the excitement of the situation. He was actually going to ask Jasmine to marry him.
After the night Eric gave Zerith the ring and his blessing. The halberdier spent two more days in Moriah. With Dariah out of the way, everything seemed to go back to normal. Melody continued to be her bright, optimistic self, though she became incredibly excited once she saw the ring in Zerith’s hands. With Dariah out of the way, Eric seemed much more relaxed and at ease. He even went out for two more rides with his soon to be brother-in-law, where the two spent a great deal of time getting to know each other more. As for Dylan, the young prince still continued to be the energetic toddler he was. He did ask Zerith were Jasmine was, who in turn responded by promising the boy that he would see her really soon when the former princess and halberdier returned.
When the time finally came for Zerith to leave, the royal family travelled went with him to the docks of Hamasha. The four of them took another carriage, where little Dylan managed to remain seated for most of the trip as he happily played with his toys in his seat next to his mother. With his attention focused on the objects in his tiny hands, the king and queen were able to spend the travel time bombarding the halberdier with questions regarding how he was planning on proposing and if he had anything special in mind. The warder couldn’t help but laugh at the behaviour of Eric in Melody and though he did admit he had something in mind for how he was going to surprise Jasmine, he didn’t give the two any details.
After the carriage finally stopped at its destination, its four passengers quickly stepped out of it and stretched their legs.”Alright then,” Eric said as he held Dylan’s right hand with his left. “It looks like we got here just in time, seems your ship is about ready to leave for Corone. You are planning on coming back soon, right?”
Laughing, Zerith couldn’t help but smile as he answered, “Of course. I’m planning on coming back here with Jasmine right after I propose. Providing she says ‘yes’.”
Melody giggled and slapped Zerith’s shoulder jokingly, “Of course she’ll agree to marry you, I’m sure of it. I just can’t wait to see her come back here all excited, showing off the ring and telling me how you popped the question.” She said happily. It was amusing to see Melody so excited by just the thought of Jasmine getting married. “I’m sure it’ll be so romantic!” she giggled.
Just then, Dylan turned from the seagull he was staring at to gaze up at the warder, “Zerth?”
“What is it, Dylan?” the halberdier asked as he knelt down to the boy’s level.
“Where you going?”
“Well Dylan,” Zerith began to explain. “I’m going to go back to see Auntie Jasmine. I miss her alot, and I have a present to give her. Don’t worry though, I’m going to come back here once I give it to her.”
“Auntie come too?” the toddlier replied as he looked at the warder hopefully.
“Yes, Auntie Jasmine is going to come here with me. I even bet that if you’re a good boy for mommy and daddy, she’ll have a present for you.”
“Okay!” the child replied with excitement, “I will be good for mommy and daddy.”
“So I guess this is goodbye for now,” Eric said as Zerith rose to his feet. As his lips formed a smile, he held out his right hand to the halberdier, “and the next time we see each other, you’ll be engaged.”
Smiling back, Zerith shook the hand of the king. “Yeah, thanks for everything Eric. You have no idea how excited I feel right now.” Stopping for a moment, the warder turned around as he heard the call for passengers heading to Corone to board the ship. “It looks like it’s time for me to leave,” he said as he turned back to face Eric. “I have to go ask wonderful woman to marry me.” With that said, the halberdier gave some final hugs to the king, queen and young prince before he headed onto his ship.
After he waved goodbye to the three of while the ship pulled out of Hamasha and until they were out of sight, the halberdier looked down to the small, black box he held in his hand and opened it. As his sapphire eyes stared at the beautiful ring in his possession, he couldn’t help but admire how lovely it looked in the sunlight. Even better though, was the mental image he had of how it would it would look on Jasmine’s finger.
Call me J
12-01-07, 11:53 AM
Total Score- 62
Your writing had many strong points, but there were some problems with it as well. In general, the plot was relatively simple, and while you wrote it well, many of the things you would have needed to do to make it a more enjoyable read were lacking. Still, I don’t think anyone can read this and doubt your skill.
• STORY ~ 16/30
Continuity (8) ~ It seemed one of the big purposes of this thread was to relate past instances to Eric. As a result, continuity became really essential to the story and fortunately, you did a good job with it.
Setting (5) ~ There were some aspects that you did well, in particular your emphasis on Mori law and culture, but for the most part, I felt that this was a neglected category for you. Descriptions of places were thin, if they existed at all, and I really didn’t feel that I got to know Moriah as well as I would have liked from this thread.
Pacing (3) ~ I’m really not happy with the way that the attack on King Eric seemed to come out of nowhere. Also, I didn’t really feel as though you used the attack in a way that made much sense. Yes, King Eric did emphasize that Zerith had saved his life, but as you’d pointed out earlier, Zerith had saved his life before.
• CHARACTER ~ 16/30
Dialogue (6) ~ This varied greatly based on the character you were using. Dylan was great, Melody was good, but the dialogue of neither Eric nor Zerith stood out in any meaningful way.
Action (4) ~ I really don’t feel like you did a great job of conveying Eric’s motivation. I had a hard time believing that anything Zerith had done really should have been enough to persuade him, especially given the dogmatic way he was portrayed earlier.
Persona (6) ~ You seemed to do a good job with the more one dimensional characters (Melody and Dylan), but both Zerith and especially Eric lacked the depth for the roles they were given. You conveyed the way both of them loved Jasmine well, in particular, Zerith’s dedication, but at a lot of the pivotal moments, I felt that there wasn’t enough attention paid to the persona of either character.
• WRITING STYLE ~ 23/30
Mechanics (8) ~ There were a few minor typos and unnecessary repetition that kept this from being a higher score.
Technique (7) ~ This gets into persona as well, but I really loved the way you described Eric’s reactions in the early parts of this thread. You really did a good job of showing that there was probably something deeper to his reluctance to give Zerith the wedding rings than just what he was saying. It was a perfect example of how you are supposed to show things and not just do them.
Clarity (8) ~ This was definitely one of the stronger suits of this thread. The only quibble I have, which is a minor one, is that it seems you don’t always have that great of a sense of what information the reader is going to want. To an extent, this might be a bit subjective, but your score wouldn’t have varied much even if it is.
• Wild Card (7) ~ I felt I may have been a bit harsh on this thread because it really wasn’t the kind of story I enjoy, so I’ve been a bit more generous in the Wild Card category to balance that out.
Spoils
Zerith receives 1300 EXP and 75 GP. Also, even though you did not ask for them as a spoil, I am granting you Maria’s engagement ring.
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