To A Shadowed Past

[Lye]

"Isabelle..."

The winds this day were crisp, testing the endurance of soldiers and survivors. Lye stood silently in a clearing upon the ridge of the Salvar mountains. To the east, west, and south stood tall the snow-capped pines. The north in front of our killer laid barren, devoid of life and sunlight. The dense cloud cover made the biting winds stronger, and whispered warning of a blizzard yet to come. Still, the assassin stood silently, lost in the depths of his own mind.

The assassin's past wasn't always writ in blood. This very spot marked the last place the killer could ever remember the feeling of pain. Isabelle, a woman of Lye's past, was once the only thing Lye could ever think of. It was after her death that Lye began the walk of a murderer. It was after he lost everything, his blood went cold...:

***

"Good lord! This storm won't let up!" Lye muttered to himself, braving against a merciless blizzard, "Did they have to send me during a blizzard?!"

The youth was cocooned in thick brown cloth. The sheen from steel armor occasionally flashed midst the waves of frost. Lye's platinum hair blew back, much shorter and held off his forehead via a crimson headband. No more than 18, Lye had been sent to the summit of the nearby mountain range to harden his survival skills. Unfortunately, during a skirmish with a rival marine, Lye's commander demanded that Lye make the trip alone and with a small amount of rations.

Lye had been a marine since the age of 13. His current commander stumbled upon him in the Red Forrest near death. As a man of the King, he took Lye in and returned him to health, only asking that Lye pledge himself to the King of Salvar. Naive and still shaken with the death of his foster parents, Lye agreed to devote himself as a marine. While enduring training, Lye met up with Matthew, a dark-haired boy of similar stature. The two soon became friends and more importantly, rivals. Their competitive personalities clashed during survival training, battle practice, weapons training, and every drill presented to the two became a game. Unfortunately, a mistake during training had lit the commander's tent aflame banishing the two young cadets to separate training sites, and unknowingly, to their doom.

Lye's emerald eyes squinted as he attempted to block the snow with a free hand. The clearing was up ahead, a training site for marines needing to undergo vigorous survival exercises as well as hone their combat skills. As the youth pressed forward, Lye began to make out several objects scattered in the clearance. Seemingly, these were training stumps, riddled with chips and holes from long years of enduring practice blows. Indeed, Lye had finally reached his destination despite the numbing cold. His stomach began to rattle with hunger.

"I need to find some shelter," Lye mumbled, attempting to scan for a safe haven from the cold. There, between the trees to the northeast seemed some stones enough to brave the brunt of the wind. As Lye made his way closer, he realized there was more he than he originally assumed, an opening. Lye pushed his body out of harm and knelt down near the opening. Warmth swept up from the hole, the smell of charred wood wafting up into his nose. At first, it seemed this site was used to house someone, yet the darkness below suggested a fire long burnt out. Convinced that anywhere was better than out here, Lye dropped into the cavern, toting his bag of supplies.

At first there was pitch darkness, only the whistling of wind over the opening seemed to stand out. As his eyes adjusted, Lye could make out some worn matting, a fire site, and some cloth used for warmth. It seemed that this was a resting site for tired trainee's. With a confident nod, Lye dug around in his satchel searching for the inferno shard his commander gave him. Only good for one night's flame, Lye finally grasped it in his frost-bitten fingers, planting it in the middle of the fire site and calling out, "Ignite!" The shard began to glow orange with an eerie heat. Used to this ragged form of magic, Lye began to unpack some provisions to quell his suffering stomach.

"Hmph... only enough left for tonight..." Lye commented, shaking his head. Regardless the amount of food, he still began to nibble away at the dried bread and meat. Shortly after finishing the last of his provisions, Lye decided to wait out the storm and begin training in the morning. Shuffling onto a sleeping mat and wrapping himself with any spare cloth, Lye dozed off into a deep sleep.

[Lye]

"Hey! Hey you! What are you doing here?!"

Lye awoke in startled surprise.

"Look at this! You stole all my blankets, scattered your stuff everywhere, and you smell absolutely disgusting!" complained a voice. Lye's eyes were still foggy from sleep, but as they began to welcome the morning sunlight, he could make out the figure in front of him.

Stomping around wildly in a fuss, hands flinging about in distraught, was a tall slender figure. It seemed to be a female on the account it had rather supple breasts and a smooth physique. Although female, it wasn't human on any accounts. No human ears were visible through the tasseling blond hair. The sapphire blue highlights drew Lye's sleepy eyes to a set of white cat-like ears each capped with wisps of black hair; they seemed much like that of a modern day lynx. Yes, this wildly frustrated girl was a lynx-anthro. Upon her breasts rest a hide tube top rimmed with arctic rabbit fur. Around her thighs wrapped a skirt fashioned of the same material, also holding a belt with several compartments assumed to hold survival materials.

"Do you have any idea how rude it is to invite yourself into someone else's home? Do you?!" she shouted, pushing her cat-like snout into Lye's face.

"Uh..." Lye had just woken up, and to his luck, this might just be a very very vivid dream. Instead of giving the girl reply, he took note of the odd white and grey markings rimmed with crimson on her body.

"Great!" she shouted gesturing to her fingers as she got ready to rant off a list, "It doesn't even speak common! Just my luck I swear... First a rivalry between clans, then a blizzard, and now a dumb human boy who can't even speak common!"

"Who... who the hell are you?" Lye questioned, sitting up. The cloth rolled off his body revealing a suit of steel marine armor and a crude great sword promptly fastened to his back.

"That's the question I've been asking you for the past fifteen minutes! You are dumb aren't you? A dumb, rude, poorly educated soldier for some half-rate faction of 'The King'," she ranted, gesturing to his armor and flashing her hands for air quotes.

"Hey!" Lye responded, grasping the reality that he wasn't dreaming and this girl was getting under his skin, "I'm a marine and I was sent up here for training! And who are you calling dumb?!"

"Marine you say? Training it says! More like lazy home wrecker!" She walked up to Lye who now stood offended in front of her. Her green eyes met his and she paused, her twin tails twitching from left to right in interest.

"May I help you...?" Lye commented, stepping back.

"Uhh..." she paused, "Yeah! You can get out of here!" Shouting with her twin tails violently straight, she pointed to the glowing opening of the cave.

"Whatever," Lye responded, pulling the blankets off his back. He stuffed his cloak into his messenger bag, slinging it over a glistening armored shoulder. Giving the girl the traditional 'stare of death', Lye scrambled through the opening and back out into the crisp mountain air.

[Lye]

The training site was visible now. To the east, west, and south stood snow-capped pines. In the middle was a clearing of approximately 100m in diameter. To the north stood several chipped and weather-beaten stumps used for training; they stood on the top of the mountain range with only the sky behind them.

Lye grumbled to himself about the annoying lynx-girl. He had a few options now that his day had abruptly started. First, he could hunt for more food to sustain him the night. That would be a task in vain considering the altitude and weather. Second, he could begin training. The later of the two seemed to be his best bet. Since the commander sent him up here for a reason, he might as well harden his body and mind.

Lye dropped his pack to the snow, next the boulder guarding the entrance to ‘Hissy-Fit Lair’. He followed shortly with a quick armor check, tightening the belts and harnesses to his polished steel armor. Shoulders, chest, thighs, greaves, forearms, check! Content with his equipment, Lye unhinged his crude great sword from the latch on his back. With relative ease, Lye brought his blade to the readied side stance and began to pick out a target – the right. His greaves dug deep into the snow, propelling his body forward as the great sword carved a steady line in the winter ground. Lye wasn’t an expert with this weapon, but his years wielding it had given him comfort in his ability. As his target drew near, the youth dug his stance deep and brought the blade upward in a crescent blow. “Hyaah!” Thud. The sound was the sign of a successful hit; the sword stood a steady four inches deep in the side of the stump. Lye was content. He placed his foot against the stump and kicked off, jerking the sword free.

“Impressive,” the cat-girl called, clapping her fur hands together, “for a kid…”

“Hey! Who you calling a kid?!” Lye retorted, holding his blade pointing at her face with a single laboring hand.

“My, aren’t we a strong one?” The lynx side-stepped the blade to make notice of Lye’s straining forearm, her twin tails twitching in interest.

Lye slung the blade over his shoulder and latched it to his back. “Seriously, is there something I can help you with?”

“What’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“You have a name don’t you?”

“Lye, Lye Ulroké. Why –“

“I’m Isabelle, Isabelle Foxhearte. It’s nice to meet you!”

Lye looked at her confused as she extended a hand in greeting. Lye thought to himself that she must have been bipolar, or for lack of a better term: insane. Regardless, not wanting her to stab at him with another unwelcome insult, he firmly took her slender hand and gave it a shake expected from a military official.

“Ow! Not so hard!” Isabelle shrieked, jerking away her hand and lowering her ears in disdain.

“Sorry.” Lye apologized but was unsure why; she did call him a lazy home wrecker.

“It’s ok. So what are you doing up here?”

“Training… Didn’t you listen to me before?” Lye responded, utterly confused at her sudden change in attitudes, “And what was with being so upset back there?!”

“Oh, well… It’s just been rough and I just found a place to rest and then there was a boy and… You get the picture.”

“Uh huh… Well, I probably should go search for some food, I ate the last of what I had last night.” Lye walked over to his sack and slung it over his shoulder.

“Why bother? Come back to the cave, I want to show you something.” Isabelle said with a hint of mischief on her voice. Lye turned to give her a curious look but all he saw was the flash of blond hair disappear into the cave below. Curious as to what this attractive lynx had up her sleeve; Lye followed her down the opening and back into the cave.

[Lye]

Lye wasn’t sure what the girl was up to, but in the corner of the cavern he could see her two tails twitching as she fumbled with something. He could hear the sound of glass against glass and the popping noise of buttons as she pulled materials from her belt-side pouches. Curious, Lye approached her from behind, attempting to figure out what she was trying to do.

“Ever heard of alchemy?” she said, holding up a flask full of bubbling, glowing material.

“Yeah, that’s turning elements into gold right?” Lye responded, slightly confused.

“Gold? Ha! That’s child’s play!” The lynx put out an empty hand and began to pour the solution onto it. In shock, the solution didn’t run off her fingers but began to swirl and materialize into a beautiful oversized apple. “Gold is inanimate, very easy to make with just earth elements. Something like food is a little difficult, but still a piece of cake. The real challenge is creating living creatures and plants.”

“Impressive,” Lye stated, developing a solid interest in the girl almost instantaneously.

“Yep, as long as I have the elements around me, we don’t have to worry about food!” she exclaimed with a kitten-like smile spread across her snout.

“Wait… we?”

“Yeah! I like you, something about your eyes,” she started, leaning in again to look at his eyes then looking to his scar on the right, “You look like the type who’s been through a lot, just like me. Your ‘captain’ didn’t send you up here very well prepared so how about you and I just adventure together?”

“Well I… uh…”

“Awe… please?”

“I’m a marine; I owe my life to the commander and The King.”

“And you owe me for making a mess of my cave!”

“I owe them my life… a messy cave is hardly worth a life…”

Isabelle glared at Lye, pulling away and padding to the corner, apple in hand. “Fine!” she exclaimed, turning to Lye and throwing the apple at him, “Good luck finding food then, jerk!”

The apple harmlessly bounced off Lye’s chest plate and into the ashes below. His emerald eyes traced its movement as he rolled around some facts in his mind. It was true the commander sent him up here with such measly amount of provisions. A trip back to camp would be near-fatal, especially if a blizzard took him from behind. Staying up here would also be suicide since the winter tundra yielded no food, firewood, or life. Isabelle had a generous offer. Lye came back to his senses and knelt down to retrieve the apple. Dusting it off against his sack, he walked up to her standing face to face with the lynx.

“Alright, you win,” he said, tossing the apple into her hands, “I’ll go with you.”

[Lye]

Several years had passed since Lye had agreed to travel with Isabelle. They’ve been together for nearly two years. Along the way, emotions had mixed into their relationship and pulled them closer together – enough to fall in love.

“Gotta get apples, bread, milk and what else?”

Lye slightly older with his hair down and dressed in commoner’s clothes walked briskly down the busy streets of Corone. After two years of braving the mountains in Salvar, Isabelle and Lye decided to settle down in Corone for a while to raise their one year old daughter, Kyreen. They bought a small lot near the main entrance to the city with a great view of the Theatre of War just down the street. For a full year they’ve made do off they artifacts and treasures they found on their journey. In Lye’s hand rest a blood ruby the two found in a ruins after fleeing and fighting off a horde of kobold miners. Good memories, good memories indeed.

“Eggs! Can’t forget the eggs!” Lye shouted as he hustled his way through the crowds of commoners. Ever since the Theatre of War started registration, people were jam-packed in the streets. Riding horseback or by carriage was absolutely useless. The best way was to fend your own on hands and feet. Eventually, Lye squeezed his way into the grocery merchant’s shop. Everything for the common cooking needs was right there in his shop. Most merchants had bits and pieces of product here and there, but this one had many connections to which he was able to stock his shop.

“I need about… six apples, a loaf of bread, quart of milk and… about a half dozen eggs.” Lye told the clerk. To avoid theft, all the necessary items were behind a counter to which a set of paid clerks tended to customer orders and retrieved the necessary goods.

“Right, just let me do some math,” replied the clerk, sliding some beads on his primitive ‘calculator’, “about 16 gold should do.”

Lye placed the blood ruby on the counter.

“Christ! Let me get Matteaus,” the clerk sputtered before dashing off. Shortly after, the owner of the shop, Matteaus, arrived and upon seeing Lye a grin crossed his face.

“Oye! Ow’s my fav’rite cust’mer t’day?” exclaimed Matteaus.

“In a bit of a hurry Matt. Just need some ingredients and it’s back to the fiancé” replied Lye.

“That right, eh? Lad, get to fetchin’ what’ver he needed.” Matteaus motioned to the clerk who scuttled off to gather the items. “And what ‘ave we got here? A ‘beaut this one! I give ye 70 gold.”

“Generous, but I’ll take 50, keep the twenty to pay for the goods and a gesture of my thanks.”

“Right, ‘ere you go then!” Matteaus opened his satchel on his side and pulled out two 25 gold pieces and laid them on the counter before swiping up the ruby. Matteaus took a close look at it, lifting his glasses for inspection. “Solid gem this one. Pleasure doin’ business m’boy!” With a chuckle, Matteaus walked back to the rear of the store as the clerk placed a basket of goods before Lye.

“That be all?” The clerk asked.

“Yes, thanks.” Lye replied, tucking the two gold pieces into his own money satchel and zipping the chord shut. Checking to make sure everything was on his person, Lye took up the basket and headed back home.

[Lye]

For some reason, Lye’s return home wasn’t nearly as troublesome as his trip to the vendor. The streets seemed less crowded. Curiosity washed over him as a horrible feeling began to sink deep into his soul. The crowds began to thicken as he arrived closer to home. His pace quickened as his gut writhed in fear. He bowled over people in his way, his basket cast aside to the street. He stopped. He was home.

“Isabelle?!” he shouted.

There was blood, broken glass, and silence.
“Isabelle! Kyleen!”

He rushed inside, his hands firmly grasping the door frame as his body swung hard. The door was wet.

“No…”

Lye’s emerald eyes quivered; his grasp lightened and hand fell. Isabelle was dead. Her body lie in the middle, twisted and mangled. Her soft white fur, so alive and beautiful, was matted down in the pool of her own blood. Her mouth stood gaping open as if she had shouted for her lover to come one last time with her final breath.

“No… No please no!”

Lye scrambled to her side, lifting her limp corpse in his shaking hands. Sorrow beyond explanation washed across his face as her shimmering green eyes were now dull. He could feel her warmth leave her body. Tears fell.

“Sir?” asked a guard arriving to the scene.

“GET OUT!!” Lye replied in frenzy, his voice stifled with uncontrollable feelings.

Isabelle’s hand slid from his grasp, her alchemist flask rolling free. Something was inside this time – paper. Lye laid his love down to sleep, shutting her eyes for the last time. He paused for a moment, trying to gather himself, and then reached for her flask. Pulling out the paper, it read:

“I’ll be waiting.”

Lye knew this hand. He knew this script. Written in his wife’s blood were letters from a friend long past. His shaking hands clenched the note. His teeth clenched and eyes grew intense. Revenge…

“Matthaemus… MATTHAEMUS I WILL KILL YOU!!!”

****

Emerald eyes opened and a scowl formed across his lips. Lye could not remember the details of their faces, nor could he recall the events that followed. A darkness grew in the pit of his stomach and he only knew the hatred that drove his actions. If he had to, he would kill everyone he met, and eventually that betrayer would be among them. So much of his past grew cloudy as the years of hunting and rage stole away his memories.

A gloved hand reached up to his eyes, for the stinging blurred his vision. He had been in weather much worse than this, but perhaps the cold was too much for him this day? Frost bit away at whatever skin he had exposed and reality grew in his mind. Too much time was wasted in these mountains - he had to keep hunting. His glassy eyes grew cold yet again, and he pulled the famous crimson scarf over his nose. It was time to resume the slaughter. There still yet remained one specific scream to hear.

[Witchblade]

Story – 12/30

The story was okay. I understood what Lye was doing there, for the most part, I have no idea why Isabelle was up in the Salvaran north though. Their two years of adventuring together would have been a nice place to throw in some back story, perhaps touch on how they fell in love or the moment when they both realized it. You crammed a lot of story into 7 posts and didn't give the reader much information, to be perfectly honest. Like teasing people tidbits or summaries, only the teasing was rather annoying as none of it was ever fully explained.

Setting was at times nonexistent. I couldn't feel the cold or see his house and when Isabelle died I wanted to 'feel' that moment. The stickiness of the blood, the heat of her still warm body and the smell of iron in the air. Plus, you never described her wounds.

Character – 11/30

The characters felt quite mechanical in this. I need them to do this or say that, I need her to like him so she does for apparently no reason. One minute she's yelling at him, the next she's sarcastically complementing his battle prowess and then finally offering to feed him. Lye's reasoning for going on an adventure with her seemed nonexistent. Oh, she's gonna feed me, guess I have no choice. Didn't he ever need to report back? Didn't he need to finish his training? And who the heck is Matthaemus anyway? The name was so close to the shop keeper I had to go back and double check to make sure the Grocer didn't kill his fiance. I'm left to assume it's 'that friend', but why the heck would he come back and kill her? Not to mention, Lye is a father, but there's no mention of his daughter at the murder scene. Is she dead? Did Matthaemus kidnap her? Where the heck is she?

Writing Style – 12/30

You repeat your character's name a lot when you write. Repetitive words stick out in the readers mind and force them to focus on it. Curious, I counted your first post. You used 'Lye' 23 times, 5 times in one paragraph alone. That's a lot considering how short the post actually was. Other than that I found the transition from present to past quite jarring. I realize Lye in the present is a completely different person from his past self, but I think you could have done much better here. Perhaps a longer present-self intro would have helped you, or just a better introduction to the past rather than slapping the reader in the face with it.

Sentence structure could at times be jarring to read, really throwing me off, and word usage made this seem far more modern than Althanas time base. Some people just write like that, and if that's your style, cool, but it'll be more believable if you don't use things like 'Hissy-Fit' and air quotes. Picturing a cat girl doing air quotes left me stranded in the 21st century and wondering where the cat girl came from.

Wild Card - 6 - This could have been so much better than what it was. It's the first piece of writing I've read of yours and I hope it's not the last, as you have some good bones in here, but it definitely needed a lot of work.

Total - 41/100

Lye receives 400 EXP and 100 GP!

[Mordelain]

Experience and gold added.