Outreach to Alerar (Closed)

[streak101]

((I'm using liquid time, this takes place after my quest with Amaril Torrun (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=5647)))

Demetri sighed, "Where are we going again?" Banda stared at him, "I've already told you, The House has sent me to find an engineer for them." They stepped through the gates of Ettermire, Banda saluted the gate guards, Demetri placed his hand over his face, "Idiot." "What? You don't have to tag along you know, you could go back to Saffron's Lair, or go back to your little cottage by the sea..." Demetri sighed, "I could, but then I wouldn't see more of the world would I?" Banda laughed, "Then your stuck with me."

Since their time going to Saffron's Lair, Demetri found that he wasn't keeping up with times, and realized that the world had changed. It was then that he decided to travel with Banda, who seemed like the kind of person that circled the world, and back three times. Of course, now he wasn't so sure if coming along for the ride was a good idea.

As soon as the group returned to Donnalaich, a messenger met with Banda, and gave him a letter from 'The House of Sora', "I'm affiliated with them." He had explained. The letter had come straight from the big cheese, Patriarch Seti Dylan. In it, it stated that Banda must go Ettermire, find an engineer, and pamper and persuade him to join The House for reasons unknown. Banda, being the knuckle head that he is, didn't hesitate at all following his orders, "We're off to Ettermire then! Come Demetri, let's go find us an engineer!"

So the two had sailed across the ocean, crossed continents, avoided dangerous creatures, and climbed through a mountain range to reach Ettermire, and for who? An establishment Demetri never even heard of? He's a complete loon.

"How are we even going to find an engineer? What's more, how are we going to find one who isn't righteous about their country?" Demetri asked. Banda continued walking towards a hardware store, the kind of place engineers would go to if they needed parts, or new tools, "You'll see." Demetri raised an eyebrow, whenever Banda had said that during their journey over to Ettermire, he usually did something crazy, or unorthodox.

They silently entered the shop, greeted the merchant at the counter to the left of them, and continued walking towards the wares. Finally, Banda stopped at the center of the store, and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Is there an engineer in the house!?" Demetri smacked his forehead, I knew it...

[streak101]

Koro's ears pricked up as the man screamed out. Koronato Molotai never cared much for people anymore, all he needed in the world was his spanner, his metal bow, his chain whips, and his creative mind. His parents had died when he was thirteen, and since then, all Koro ever did was take over his father's business. and follow his father's lessons. As of late, his father's business was plummeting to rock bottom, a sixteen year-old engineer could only work so much. Still, Koro was exceptionally good at what he did, and was considered a prodigy. He got by with the cash he earned from selling his small gadgets, dynamite, and small parts for larger machines.

Koro walked over to the man with the red bandana, he was accompanied by a Fae, the wings and unnatural hair color gave it away, "I'm an engineer." Koro had expected half of the people in this store to have flooded the man with advertisement of their engineering businesses, he guessed that everyone was scared of the screaming maniac.

Banda turned to the voice, it came from a rather young man, "Aren't you a little young?" Koro scoffed, "I'm better than more than half the engineers in this city, ask anyone." Banda shouted once again, only this time softer, "Is he really?" Everyone he could see inside the store nodded, the shopkeep went into further detail, "That boy is a genius, he's been fixing up this shop since the first day he came in. What you see now is about a hundred times more cleaner, efficient, and advanced than it was before he came along." Several people agreed, and added to the boy's supposed greatness, telling Banda about his exploits in Ettermire, one story intrigued him, "You built a bow out of metal?" The teenager nodded, "And the arrows too."

Banda grinned, he turned to Demetri, "Is he the engineer I'm looking for?" Demetri shrugged, "I don't know, ask him another question, you know one about his *country*? Hint, hint?" Demetri winked. Banda thought for a second, and then nodded to Demetri, he turned to Koro, "Come with me." He lead him outside into an open area and continued with his questions, "Alright, I have to keep this question out of earshot around here," Banda stared at Koro, "What do you think of Alerar?"

The engineer raised an eyebrow, That's it? No super secret question that can change my life forever? No black-market parts your looking for? Nothing? Regardless, Koro answered, "Before my parents' death I showed the greatest respect for my country, but because of its war tension with Raiaera, both my parents are dead, since they died, I don't support Alerar much."

Banda grinned, "We have a winner! What's your name?" Banda held out his hand to Koro.

[streak101]

Koro took the man's hand in his, and shook it, "My name's Koronato Molotai, Koro for short. What's yours?" Banda grinned, "I'm Banda Utako, and this is Demetri Cornelius." Demetri shook Koro's hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you." With the introductions out of the way, Koro decided it was his turn to ask a question, "So, why were you guys looking for an engineer anyways?"

Banda cleared his throat, "Well, I come on behalf of a group called The House of Sora, our goal is to further the progression of world civilization, we uh...Demetri, would you mind explaining it for me? The way you say it sounds a lot better than the way I do." Demetri sighed, and lifted his spectacles, "Basically, we are trying to bring world peace. I should say Banda, and The House of Sora, because I don't have a part in it. Banda, I'm pretty sure you can do the rest, I've rubbed off enough knowleadge on you so you can speak like an intellectual."

Banda nodded, "Right, well, besides world civilization, you could say that we're builders. We build things for anyone...for a good price, and we are known for our negotiations. We give discounts for a part of the project we're working on. Like when one of our members is working on a project of building five ships, in exchange for one of those ships, we give the buyer a forty percent discount, this is an example our Patriarch likes to use. Anyways, I'm here today to offer you a position in The House of Sora as one of our engineers."

Koro shuffled his feet, he had been struggling with the business, and he didn't have many things in the world to call his own, or any money. The offer Banda had just given seemed mighty great right about now. Never accept an offer until you hear the catch! It was something his father used to say. Koro folded his arm, "What's the catch?" Banda shook his head, "There is no catch my friend." Koro thought it over, if there was no catch, then he would have a win-win situation. Still, it seemed un-real, especially at this point in his life, "Forget it."

"I'm not done yet, as an addition to our offer, The House of Sora has sent a sort of servant for you. For a full twenty-four hours, this professional will do anything you ask, and protect you, no questions asked." Koro's ears pricked up again, "And who might this professional be?" Banda gave out a short laugh, "Me." Koro raised an eyebrow, "You?" "Yes me, I'm a mercenary extraordinary, whatever you need me to do, I'll do it, what do you say?" Banda held out his hand. Well, if they're that bent on having me, I guess I can give this House a chance. Koro shook Banda's hand, "You have yourself a deal, but I'm warning you, my life isn't exactly a field of dandelions."

[streak101]

So now Koro had his own servant. Let's hope he's a fast learner. It was early in the morning, and Koro had to go to work, normally he would never open shop this early, but if he was going to be able to pay off his business debt by it's deadline, then he had to get to work now. Koro gestured for Banda, and Demetri to follow him as he walked towards a small house-like building. Banda shrugged and he and Demetri followed, "Since your serving me for a day, your going to work with me at my shop." Koro opened the door, "Come in."

Before entering it, Banda and Demetri expected a normal house, one with a normal kitchen, room, and bathroom at the least. What they saw inside was completely different from the average home. The smoke and smog in the air was enough to make environmentalists claim it a biohazard. Every piece of furniture, and appliance was built out of different metals. The bed posts, the windows, the doors, all but the bed mattress, cushions, and pillows were metal. There were nails, screws, and bolts all arranged in seperate boxes.

Banda and Demetri looked at each other, why anyone would live here was a complete mystery. "Home sweet home." Koro smiled, he was in his domain, a place where he was reminded of what made him happy. If only that were the only thing it reminded him of. He remembered his parents, his failing business, and his debt, a staggering eleven thousand gold. If I go to the House of Sora, I won't be reminded of these things. It was a surprising thought, a smart thought, but surprising none the less.

"Oh well," He said to himself, "Now onward then." Koro walked over to a mat, if you could call a sheet of copper that, and slid it across the floor, revealing a large hole. "To the shop." Koro jumped down the hole and disappeared into the darkness. Banda and Demtri looked at each other, "This kid is really weird," Demetri walked over to the hole, "Still, this should be fun." Demetri jumped into the hole, Banda followed, a little confused, and even more curious.

[streak101]

It felt like a suicide jump into the abyss. All Banda could see was the pitch-black ahead of him, and suddenly he thought he had gone down the wrong hole, So this is what it's like to fall to your death. It was a very long hole, and why Koro would choose this as a way to reach his so called workshop was mystery, then again the engineer seemed a little screwy once Banda saw his home. Haha! Screwy! What a pun! The pitch black was becoming rimmed with a bright white, perhaps it was a sort of rock?

Koronato and Demetri laughed when they saw Banda hit the mattress face first. The two intellectuals had the sense to jump into the hole feet first, Banda though was a little extreme. Banda spit out a few feathers, "I'm guessing this is your workshop?" Koro grinned, "Ya got that right, welcome to the Molotai Mechanics," He helped Banda to his feet, "where I'll be teaching you the skills, and your gonna be learning."

Demetri's ears pricked up, "Teach? You'll be teaching him?" Koro shrugged, "Yeah, I can't expect him to know how to do these things can I?" Demetri (Being one who never misses a chance to learn) replied, "Mind if I join you?" "Not at all." Koro handed a spanner to Demetri and Banda, then pulled an enormous wrench from a nearby shelf, "Let's start."

Banda and Demetri gaped at the wrench, "You like it?" Koro asked, noticing the awe on their faces, "You like it? Two feet long, four inches wide, and an inch thick, made it myself three years ago, haven't used another spanner since." Banda looked at his wrench, and then looked at the massive spanner, "You could use the thing like a club!" Koro tilted his head, "Really? Heh, I doubt I'd need it for that." Unless the debt collectors come after you. The House of Sora would probably protect you. Koro smacked his forehead, why was he having these strange thoughts? "Now enough oogling, time to actually get to work."

Koronato led the two towards a small object, under blanket. He grabbed the blanket and yanked it off, "These gentlemen, are called the SAR running shoes, or in your language, hi-tech rocket shoes." Banda scratched his head, the so called 'hi-tech' rocket shoes seemed to just be a pair of loafers with two sticks of dynamite attached to either side of each shoe, "Is this safe?" "Sure it is! I got these from another engineer, he wants me to modify it and then test them out, I think it's way too dangerous for me to try it myself though. Regardless," Koro reached into a bag he had clipped to his pants, and pulled out two large funnels, "Let's modify!"

Koronato placed three chairs around the shoes, "Now Banda," he placed a small piece of metal on the table next to the shoes, "This is called a b-o-l-t, can you say b-o-l-t?" "I'm not a toddler Koro, skip all the sarcasm and tell me where to put the damn screws in." Demetri spoke to Banda in his thoughts, You just prooved what you were trying to disproove idiot, it's a bolt not a screw. ...Prick. Koro reached into his bag, "Riiight, well, here's the other part." He placed four silver rings on the table, "We're going to attach these funnels to the dynamite sticks."

The two companions ended their quarrel and stared at Koro, "Excuse me?" Banda asked, "That's what we're going to do place the ring on the narrow end of the funnel," Banda slotted the ring on the funnel, "Now place the funnel on the dynamite stick." Banda slotted the funnel onto the dynamite, it went over the stick, keeping it snug, "Now for the last part," He placed four screws on the table, "Remember the bolts? Yeah change of heart, screw these into the open holes on the rings." Banda clumsily found the holes, and (with the dexterity of a one-year old) screwed all three parts together.

Banda smiled, "That oughtta do it! Yeah!" Koro gave Banda a high-five, "Now do it three more times, or maybe Demetri would like to try?" Demetri smiled nervously, "No thanks, I learn by watching." After about an hour, Banda finished. Koro gave a nod of satisfaction, "Thats actually very good work, though it took you way too long. Now for the next--" You should get Banda to test the shoes. Another strange thought, but Koro liked this one, "Actually...Let's test the shoes!" Koro opened a door to their left, Ettermire could be seen outside, Banda and Demetri were skeptical, "Don't worry, my pipe system just takes us a few feet away from my house, I just make things fun." Banda shrugged, he had to do as he was told if he wanted to complete his mission.

[streak101]

"Are you sure this is safe?" Banda asked, the rocket shoes attached to his feet, his forehead sweating from the outside heat, "Positive, trust me, my modifications always make things work!...Fifty percent of the time." Koronato said, standing about twenty feet away from Banda, Demetri stood next to him holding his laughter. "How do I turn this on?" Banda asked, Koro walked up to him, "Listen, if you don't make it, will The House of Sora come after me?" Banda sighed, "No, but I wish they would." Koro laid on his stomach lighting a match, "Well, I'm light the dynamite very quickly, and run as far away as I can before kaboom, got it?" Banda gulped, the things he got himself into.

He heard the fire crackle as it slowly spread to the gun powder, The things I get myself into. Koro ran back to Demetri, covering his head. The things I get myself into. The dynamite exploded, it's blast spreading out through the funnel, The things I get myself into!

Banda back-flipped into the air, sky rocketing twenty feet above the ground. "Everythings spinny!" He shouted, as he continued to back flip. At he times where he saw the ground, he could see Demetri and Koro running after him, and thats how he realized that he was flying over Ettermire. People pointed up at him, some laughed thinking he was a performer, others thought he was a surprise attack from Raiaera.

It was a little over ten minutes now, and Banda had stopped spinning. That's some powerful dynamite. I wonder how high I'm up now? An airship whooshed past Banda, the sonicboom sending him spinning sideways, "Not again!" Thankfully, he stopped spinning shortly after losing his lunch. Banda began to feel a sinking sensation, he looked down, he was falling. "The things I get myself into!" Banda was falling very quickly, he had to break his fall, or slow himself down.

He untied his bandana and tightly held on to it like a small parachute, it slowed him some, but it wasn't too noticeable. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. He saw the ground, it looked painful from this height. You'll be fine, relax. Banda closed his eyes, ready for his bones to break under the impact.

Instead he bounced off the ground, and eventually found himself standing on Ettermire's pavement. Shaken, Banda caught his breath, "What happened?" Koro exploded in laughter, "You should've seen it! Guards were firing at you, and they even called the air force! That big airship? They were trying to find out what you were! Once they did find out though, they stopped caring."

Banda angrily, conked Koro on the head, "Let's go eat, now." He grabbed the two geniuses, kicked off the rocket shoes, and pulled them towards the nearest tavern.

[streak101]

"Here you are sir." The waiter placed a large steak in front of Banda, "One sixteen ounce prime rib steak." Banda licked his lips, the waiter set down the other main courses for Demetri and Koronato, and walked away. Banda grinned at the steak, "Your going to my stomach." He scarfed half of it down, the other half he ate slowly. "So, what's next on your agenda?" He asked Koronato with a mouth full of meat. Koronato raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, well, I was gonna eat this burger, but now that chunks of your prime rib have flown into every possible crevice around me, I've lost my appetite."

Demetri took the burger and began eating it himself, Koro looked at him, "Your kidding right?" Demetri looked back, "I've been traveling with him for days now, I'm used to it." Koro shrugged, "Well yeah, thats all for today unfortunately, just gonna head home and lounge around." Banda stopped eating his steak, "Are you sure there's nothing else to be done? Oh, and if you do regain your appetite, I have to pay for your meals so order as much as you'd like." Koro gleamed, "Really?" Banda nodded.

What a mistake that was, the boy quickly regained his appetite and ordered half of the menu, he ate as much as Banda, and soon were having an eating contest. They were scarfing down steaks, chugging down ale, and Demetri was in the middle of it all, "Can you at least chew with your mouths closed?" But the two were in the midst of 'battle'. "Okay I need to end this." Demetri said to himself. Koro was on the verge of winning, Banda seemed groggy and stuffed, but he was on a roll, To think you can eat like this everyday when you're with The House. What a time for a weird thought. He lost his focus, and Banda finished off another prime rib steak, "I win!"

"Yeah, by a fourth of steak." Koro stared down at his unfinished portion, how close he was, "I guess now it's time to go home and get some rest, pay the waiter." Banda disdainfully payed for the meal, a whopping three-hundred gold, and caught up with the others outside, "So, you don't need anything else from me?" Koro shook his head, "Nope, I just need a bed, the suns setting anyways." Banda stared at the sun, strange how it reminded him of his bandana.

They were reaching Koronato's house, when Banda heard a faint sound, it sounded familiar, like some sort of, "Sword!" Banda drew out his sword, and parried against the steel broadsword that almost swung down on Koro's head. "I knew they'd come for me!" Koro shouted, ducking his head. "Demetri! Protect Koro! I'll deal with this bozo!" Banda shouted as he shoved the large broad man away.

[streak101]

Banda swung his sword at the man's shoulders, his attack was parried swiftly, "What's your name asshole?" Banda asked the large man, "The name's Gherard meddler, stay out of my way!" Banda jumped over the broadsword as Gherard swung at his legs, "Why are you after this kid?" Banda thrusted his blade towards Gherard, but he rolled away from him, "Why am I after him? He owes me money!"

Banda side-stepped away from Gherard, "Koro is this true?" the young engineer nodded. Banda swore, "We'll talk about it later! Demetri, make sure he isn't harmed!" He swung horizontally at Gherard's abdomen, but was parried and knocked back by the force of the guard. Gherard swung his blade down vertically, aiming for Banda's head, Banda rolled to the side. He counter attacked with a swing to Gherard's arm, but the man literately slapped the sword away.

Without his sword, Banda was forced to dodge Gherard's attacks. He jumped to the side, giving Gherard an open swing to Koronato and Demetri. The big man lifted his sword into the air, "No you don't!" Banda's boomerang whizzed towards him, smacking him in the back of the head. Angered, and frustrated that it wasn't going to be easy killing the child, Gherard turned around to face Banda, a new found hatred for him rising up in his mind.

He charged forth, swinging like a mad man. Banda smiled nervously. Just my luck. Banda jumped over, and ducked under Gherard's swings. He rolled behind Gherard and saw his boomerang laying on the ground. He grabbed, and readied it for another throw, "Easy shot..." He threw his boomerang at Gherard, who was now charging towards him, it whizzed in the air, spinning rapidly. Banda ran over to his sword, completely careless about whether his boomerang had hit his target or not.

Koronato and Demetri watched all this happen from afar. Koro felt guilty, this man whom he had met only this morning was helping him work, paying for his meals, and saving his life all in one day. This was dangerous business too, The House of Sora would keep me safe. Again with the strange thoughts, what was wrong with him? Still, it seemed the appropriate, and beneficial thing to do. When something in life is too good to pass up, go ahead and take it! Something else his father had told him. His mind was made up, come tommorow, he was going to be on his way to meet with The House of Sora.

[streak101]

Banda's luck was never all that good. The boomerang completely missed its target and returned to his owner. Banda picked up both his weapons, "Alright Gherard. No more playing around!" Banda gritted his teeth. He charged towards Gherard, his sword in his left, and his boomerang in his right. "That's odd," Demetri lifted his spectacles, "Banda doesn't throw the boomerang with his right, he uses his left for everything." Gherard charged at Banda, swinging as madly as he was before.

Banda threw his boomerang using his right hand, throwing it vertically like a throwing knife, it harmlessly bounced off of Gherard's chest. The two warriors charged after each other, Gherard swung at Banda's head, Banda parried, and punched his enemy in the rib cage with little effect. Gherard picked up Banda by the arms and threw him to the side, Banda crashed into the side of Koronato's house. No other choice left...

Banda ran towards Gherard, holding his sword upward to the sky. "What kind of fool attacks like that?" Gherard laughed. Banda sneered, "The fool that's going to take you down!" Gherard parried Banda's blade, thinking it was an attack to his upper body. Banda had something else in mind though. The impact of the parry knocked Banda down, he slid through Gherard's legs, striking his lower area with his blade. While Gherard howled in pain, Banda grabbed his boomerang, and kept as far away as possible.

When he regained his composure, Gherard turned to face Banda, "Wanna play chicken do ya!?" The two charged at each other, Banda once again having his sword in his left, and his boomerang in his right. Demetri sighed, "He's going to do the same manuever twice, that's not a smart idea at all!" They two men were withen ten feet of each other, Banda tossed his boomerang upward into the air, Gherard followed the boomerang, thinking it be an attack, but made his last mistake, "Sly Striker!"

Banda charged forth with his new burst of speed, he closed the distance between his opponent and him, and stabbed at Gherard's chest, and abdomen. Both attacks hit, and without him knowing it, Gherard collapsed on the floor, dead. Banda picked up his enemy's blade, "Nice sword, I might be able to use it." Banda placed the steel sword on his back along with his other weapon. "Koro, fill me in, who the heck was that guy?"

[streak101]

Koro scratched the back of his head, "Yeah, I forgot to tell you about that. I needed to pull out a loan, but not one bank wanted to give it to me. So I ended up having to take one from a bounty hunter, the one you just killed. He gave me the money but charged extra in return, and wanted it back earlier than the banks, I had no choice but to accept his offer, it was either that, or I'd lose my business."

Banda spat on the ground, stared at Koro for a few seconds with a serious glare, then smiled, "No worries then, he's dead now. Have you made up your mind about The House yet?" Koro nodded, "I've decided to accept The House's offer, you have done a lot for me, you've saved my life! I've also been having out of nowhere thoughts about how much more happier I'd be working for The House."

Banda shouted, "Yes! I did it! I finished my very own mission!" Yeah, with my help! Wait...those out of nowhere thoughts? Guilty as charged friend. "By the way, I've grown interested in this house. Mind if I join their ranks as well?" Demetri said aloud, "Not a problem! Their always looking for more members! I think they could find a good use for your talents!"

-----------------------------Next Morning---------------------------------

Banda waited for Koro and Demetri at the airship port. The two arrived on time, "So you guys ready? Didn't forget anything I hope?" Koro shook his head, "Nope, I really need to thank you again Banda, if you never had shouted in that hardware shop, I would've probably been dead by now." Banda turned to Demetri, "Your going to be alright?" Demetri lifted his spectacles, "Please, it's not like I haven't traveled on my own before."

Koro removed his bag, "Here take it, inside is the gold my business had left in its savings diposit, this should cover the meal expenses. Keep the bag, you might need it." Koro mounted the airship, Demetri was next to say goodbye, "Thank you for everything Banda, by the way, how come you didn't reach into the kid's memories?" Banda shrugged, "Didn't need to." "Ah well, here I have something for you too." Demetri handed Banda a book, "I know your not the one to read, but that book is a Swordmaster's booklet, special magics are casted on it. The pages will become visible to you when you grow stronger my friend. Goodbye!" Demetri mounted the airship as it took off. Banda sighed, it won't be long before he sees his friends again. "Mission Accomplished!"

((Spoils: 500 gold, Swordmaster's Booklet. The booklet is basically a way of explaining any new sword skills Banda obtains on leveling up and such. 50 gold goes to The House of Sora treasury. Koronato Molotai, and Demetri Cornelius are now NPCs in The House of Sora.))

[Atzar]

This thing read like Looney Tunes, with a dash of DBZ in the combat scene. It was entertaining to see just what you’d come up with next, but “realistic” isn’t a word I’d ever use to describe this quest. You asked for few comments, so I’m going to keep it brief and stick to the salient points.

Continuity

Decent on this front. I knew why they were in Alerar, at least. I would have liked more detail on the background information, though. 4

Setting

Your descriptions were actually pretty good as far as they went, but they were extremely cartoonish and unrealistic. An explosion that has the power to send you that far into the air is going to blow you to shreds, for one thing. Also, if you fall from the height you described and land on your face, a mattress isn’t going to save you. This quest was very imaginative, but you need to temper your creativity with some realism next time. 4

Pacing

This blew by. I had settled myself in, ready to read for an hour or more, but I was done in twenty minutes (and I’m a slow reader when I judge threads). If you slow down the pace of the entire thread, your score will probably double over time. It’ll force you to balance action with description. Instead of giving me the minimum and tearing through everything like you did here, try to ease up on the gas and add in more detail. 3

Dialogue

This contributed to the cartoonish feel of the thread. Banda had a habit of stating the obvious (as did everybody), and yelling the name of your attack is the sort of thing that made me slap my forehead. On the plus side, you’re not afraid to use informal speech in your dialogue. That’s great; usually, people have a tendency to make their characters speak like Harvard graduates. 3

Persona

I didn’t really know who Banda or Demetri or the House of Sora was. You never described them: who they are, what they do, what their purpose is… that sort of thing. I got the outline of a purpose (you’re looking for an engineer) but really nothing else. I considered also taking points from Continuity because of this, but I don’t really think slashing two scores would get the point across any better. 2

Action

Again; unrealistic. See my comments in Setting for more. Your action scene was good, though. You didn’t own Gherard without effort, as some people like to do. It was cool to see some thought put into the strategy of the fight. Just work on putting some thought and emotion into it (fear would have been nice when Banda was losing). 3

Mechanics

You’re young. English class hasn’t hammered the rules of grammar into you yet, and it shows. Most notably, don’t put the dialogue of multiple characters in one paragraph. It was really hard to understand who was talking at any given time. That being said, I’ll save the lectures for your teacher… I’m sure they’re enough of a snore as it is :p 3

Technique

Ditto Mechanics. 3

Clarity

Ditto Mechanics, with emphasis on the point about dialogue. 3

Wild Card

It isn’t often that one sees a thread like this on Althanas. You weren’t afraid – or perhaps you were even eager – to do things that fall out of the bounds of realism. That was refreshing. The imagination is there. Just try to keep things realistic to some extent. 5

Total: 33

Streak101 gains 387 EXP.

Banda opened the bag of gold, expecting at least 500 GP… unfortunately, Koro wasn’t what one could call ‘wealthy’. There was only around 250 GP in the bag.

Streak101 gains 250 GP; 25 of that is transferred to the House of Sora PG.
All other spoils are approved, with the condition that the Booklet cannot be sold. Any and all skills ‘inherited’ from the Booklet are subject to modification by the RoG mods upon level-up.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added!