First fall before night

[thorn aldsmith]

(Closed to Thorn Aldsmith and Kell)


It was an impressive structure, Thorn thought as he walked up the steps. He saw people walking past him, obviously just finished fight, some happy, some sad mostly on their own he noticed. He also noticed monks darting everywhere, coming through doors in walls that, after they close, he still couldn’t see where the door was and scampering off in every direction. Cool he thought to him self it would be great to work here. At that point a monk walked up to him, and didn’t seam in a hurry Thorn observed. “How can I help you sir?” The monk asked politely.

“I’d heard I can fight here, without danger?” Thorn asked the monk watching for sudden movements.

“That’s right” The monk said picking up on how tense I am and folding his hands across his chest. “We have very powerful healers. So no matter what happens you walk out as well as you came in, better in some cases.” He started walking into the citadel “so what type of fight were you looking for Mr Aldsmith?”

Thorn stopped how did this monk know who he was “erm… I” he started

“Sorry” Interrupted the monk “A lot of people find that disconcerting you see we must know about our fighters we can’t have criminals running around now can we?”

“Er… no I guess you can’t I don’t know I just wanted a fight”

“Well what type of terrain would you like? We can do anything you want” He added

“I just wanted a fight. Er, how about a ruin it that ok? With plenty of cover and not massive amounts of light, er dusk you know, will I have to wait for dusk to happen?”

“No our arenas are very versatile we can accommodate for dusk, any thing else?”

“Just like an authentic ruin” Thorn said starting to become distressed at the amount of questions. The monk picks this up and starts walking towards a door.

“Just through there.” He says. “Your opponent will be with you shortly”

Thorn steps through the doorway and steps into a field, the door closes behind him and disappears. He draws his staff and looks around. He is standing four meters away from a large off white building that was missing its top. Beyond that was half a building, the side appears to have just fallen away. The ground, soft grass, had not been kept and was better for it. The sky just starting to turn a majestic shade of purple.

Thorn looks around for his opponent and can’t see anyone, he takes a deep breath the air feels crisp and fresh, just like back home. He closes his eyes and smiles as a sense of happiness washes over him, he can almost hear his mother calling, a door closes and brings him back. He opens his eyes just in time to see the door close behind his opponent just as it did for him on the other side of the ruin. So this was it time to start he make his way forward through the ruin.

[Kell]

Corone again, one of the last places she had figured she would return to. Though they don’t call it the nexus of the world for nothing. Her tail swayed behind her as she made her way through the dusty cobblestone streets, the cuffs of her pants as well as her boots becoming quickly coated in a tan dust.

Kell stopped as she entered statue plaza, honoring those greatest warriors of yore. She looked up, her eyes remembering the details of the great citadel as she spoke under her breath around the sucker in her mouth.

“Such an ugly place….”

The ice leopard meant it too; she thought most of the architecture in Corone was just weak and ugly, preferring the industrial visage of Alerar. Smoke stacks and gargoyles were just simply more pleasing to one such as her, though she wasn’t here to admire architecture on this day.

No, today was her foot to someone’s ass day, like every day she made the journey to the citadel.

Last time she had been beaten into unconsciousness by a prick whose name she never caught. Just another face in the crowd, which to an extent bothered the hell out of her since she had always found herself to be very vengeful almost to an extreme when someone disrupted her pride.

Her tail once again swayed behind her as she lumbered up the steps to the entrance to find that it seemed to be busier than usual. Not that it was a bad thing, meant that today that it was a target rich environment.

Nary a moment had passed before she was approached by a monk.

“Can I help you miss?” he asked with a kindly face.

“Mono e mono, something different I suppose.” She replied without really looking at him.

“Oh good, we have a rarity here at the citadel today or some I am told.” He said as he began leading.

“A rarity huh?” she said softly with a raised brow, but still not paying much attention as she gazed upon the great murals on the walls.

After a few moments he stopped and slowly opened a doorway, “right in here miss “he said as he stepped aside for her.

Stepping through, she closed her eyes, that first white light always being an issue on her sensitive eyes. The air was cool, almost mountainous as her whiskers twitched, her tail slowing in its sways. Her eyes opened as the door behind her closed, her mind taking inventory of the minutest of details around her. Twilight and ruins, both things she knew well. Her tomb raiding days would hopefully pay off on during this battle. Especially with how she knew these monks liked to be tricky.

Setting her backpack down she had just enough time to catch a glimpse of movement from the corner of her eye making its way into the cover of the dilapidated complex.

“The hunt is on then…” she said softly as she slowly made her way forward, climbing up a wall with ease that only comes with experience, crouching and watching, her shape hopefully helping to make her look like one of the few remaining stone figures.

[thorn aldsmith]

Seeing the figure move quickly into one of the ruins he thought to himself No formal introductions here then, what are you talking about of course there are no formal introductions this isn’t a line dance. So Thorn did the same made his way into the shadows of one of the ruins, a long building that provided shadows most of the way to where the figure had been standing.

His skin tone gave him a natural advantage in the dark; he became very difficult to spot. He had always used this to his advantage during hunts, but there was one thing different about now. He hadn’t taken into account his new staff. Its metallic sheen would give his position away faster than he would care to think. Looking around he thought, how can he hid a six foot staff? The thought occurred to him to rub some dirt over it, it would take away its sheen without really damaging its quality. So he ducked further into an alcove and started rubbing the staff along the ground.

Stepping back to see how it looked he made his way out of his cover, unintentionally. Shit! He thought and dived back into cover. He’d probably given away his location. He grabbed his staff and thought. it’ll have to do. he turned to the entrance to the alcove and readied himself.

[Kell]

A soft evening breeze flowed through her exposed fur as she watched, barely moving except for a slight twitch of her whiskers. She knew her sense of smell would only help her if she could get down wind, but she had other senses that were already making up for it. Her tail swayed behind the wall as she listened to the scrapping sound that her prey was making with some piece of iron.

Kell couldn’t quite figure what exactly her opponent was doing; perhaps he was setting some kind of trap in hopes of her stumbling into it. Yet her eyes widened only to narrow again as she watched him, or it, step into the open, admiring something. She had no doubt that it was some kind of trap now, it had to be a trap for him to act such a way.

Her breath became heavier as she watched her prey duck back into the cover of the ruins, possibly moving off again to set more as she couldn’t quite see the layout of his routes from her vantage point.

With a soft sigh she stayed low, moving on all fours as she let her feline grace balance her, she crept quickly down the wall, hesitating at a cross wall to watch for a moment.

She slid down on the other side of it from her prey, having got a decent look of the layout, she stayed low faith that her coat would help camouflage her in the darkening shadows.

Slowly she slid against the wall, making as little noise as she could before slowly looking around the corner.

[thorn aldsmith]

He thought to himself "I’ve trapped myself in this alcove. I need to get out of here before it’s too late". He made his way quietly to the mouth of the makeshift cave and looked around. He could make out a ruin off to the right, probably where his opponent could be and a ruin off to the left too, probably safer. Not much else an open plan area with ruins around the outside of it. He might be able to sneak out and find a better position but his opponent would probably see him. He couldn’t stay in the alcove though.

Making one final check he moved out of the cave and into the open field moving as quickly as he could. He froze; looking over his shoulder he saw a figure moving. He could make out a tail but nothing else about the person yet. They were very well concealed in the darkness, Thorn wouldn’t have seen it if it hadn’t been for the tail moving.

Frozen where he stood he struggled with himself to turn around and ready himself. Begrudgingly his legs agreed and he turned around on the spot, a rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming car just waiting for something to happen.

[Kell]

A smile crested her face as she watched him freeze. Was it inexperience or a ruse that he seemed to freeze for a moment? She was half interested and half blood thirsty as she looked over the reptile, spending a moment to map his detail, looking over his build, his weapons, but mostly his eyes. The feline stepped out into the open, slowly one foot in front of the other, her tail swaying behind her, a soft grin across her lips.

“Usually people either fight at first sight, or run” Kell spoke as she stepped into another shadow her hands moving in front of her. As she adjusting her right glove a soft twitch sent a blue arc around it that glowed in the darkness, the light reflected off her glasses in a way that made them looks like her eyes.

“So, I’m going to fall to my primal urges and give you the choice…” her words fell from her tongue with the slight hiss of cruelty.

She wanted him to run, to keep the game going for just a while longer. She would even give him a head start if he did. Her tail swayed behind her as she waited in the shadows, her muscles tense as she breathed through her nose, searching for his smell, nothing aside from psychic abilities could tell what a person was feeling better than smell.

[thorn aldsmith]

Stepping from the shadows it looked like she was walking into existence to him. A royal blue darkened by the shadow, Thorn was slightly in awe of her beauty then she disappears back in the shadow. He could make her out, now he knew she was there. The spark takes him by surprise and reminds him why he is here.

Rearing up to his full height so he towers over her he says, trying to intimidate her. “You’re right, you should have run.” Whilst thinking. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. She can control lightning she is going to kick my ass so much.

He brings his staff into a waist height sweeping motion, stepping forward as he does. He’ll have to try and keep her at a distance, because she doesn’t appear to have any weapons.

[Kell]

“Damn…” Kell muttered under her breath as she stepped back with one foot as his advance occurred.

He had at least a good foot over her and appeared that he was going to stand and fight. She chuckled softly as a sly grin crested her face; her ears lay back as she thought for the short moment she was allowed.

“Good idea” she called out as her hand felt against the wall next to her, finding a loose rock and spinning around as she lets it fly towards his head. Her legs bursting into a run as she does a full one eighty turn, leaping some rocks as she makes her way deeper into the ruins, turning corners quickly by pushing off the walls, causing small puffs of dust to cloud her exit.

After crossing a good hundred yards Kell stopped, ducking into the shadows as she watched. Her heart thundered in her chest as she hadn’t run like that in a couple weeks, her breathing she tried to control but still panting was almost inescapable.

If nothing else, she had some distance on him to plan a sneak attack from behind; better yet he would be confused and leery. Kell hoped that her nose had caught a scent of fear from him right before her exodus from the scene.

She settled and waited, listening again as the sky turned darker and darker.

Now that we know the game, let us play….

[thorn aldsmith]

Ducking her misplaced throw he looked up to see her running away. Yeah. he thinks to himself. this is easier than I thought it would be, look at her run. At this he smiles. Then realises that she can get a better offensive if she can regroup. He needed to keep pressing the advantage. With that he started after her, watching as she made her way into a ruin.

Approaching the entrance to the ruin he was ready for a surprise attack that didn’t happen. His senses were on edge. Not only could he feel the dust around him, he could smell and taste it too. Crickets were chirping, the annoying way they do when you want quiet. Darkness was starting to set in. Thorn was apprehensive about going in, knowing that she had gained enough time to compose herself, but he had no other choice.

He walked slowly, keeping one end of his staff in the bottom left corner of the corridor. He followed in the direction that his opponent had gone not able to see her anymore, trying to sense her. He felt the air change, it felt busier like there was a charge in the air. The smell had changed to, it wasn’t just dust anymore. She must be close, he thought as he walked around a corner. “SHIT!”

[Kell]

Only moments had past before she heard her prey turn the corner and look at her. Kell’s heart dropped for a moment, the hope of sneaking around and flanking him had halted as she gazed at him.

His words said it all, but now wasn’t the time to worry as she lunged from her crouch, but she knew something was wrong as soon as her foot fell, barely having time to fall backwards as the floor erupted in a gate of sharpened rods, enough that there was only a slim six inches between each and spanning the width of the hall, her body colliding with them at an off angle, immediately dropping and stunning her.

“Fuck…ow….” Kell said as she scrambled to stand, her head spinning along with what was surely going to be a nasty bump. Her hat had fallen off but she was more worried about getting some more distance between her and the lizard.

Yet again she broke into a run, hoping that there were no other traps waiting for her.

Damn monks…take things so literally… She thought as she paused and leaned against a wall, rubbing the growing lump on her temple. Her breaths were short as her vision finally cleared of dizziness, her legs weak from the running.

The game had changed, and quickly, now the danger wasn’t from the lizard, it was from carelessness.

She arched her shoulders, letting her coat and backpack slide to the ground, the night air was cool as it flowed through her fur. If the ruins had been real, and not part of the magic of the citadel, leaving her coat and bag just out in the middle of it all would have never been a thought. But as things go, things change, the mobility and such would be a plus.

A soft mew escaped her lips as she stretched and climbed a wall, looking around again.

[thorn aldsmith]

Flinching slightly at the movement he realised that she wasn’t going for him, she was dodging. He threw himself to the floor as he noticed the spikes. Slightly winded he rolled onto his back to get ready for the inevitable. He waited with his hand by his face defensively, trying to catch his breath. Nothing happened. He waited a moment longer, and still nothing. His was panicking, dust was settling on him making his breathing harder still. But he couldn’t hear anything, nothing not ever the crickets. Complete silence!

Then where is she, if she isn’t attacking him is she hurt? He got to one knee and looked around. She wasn’t there, she had run again. Picking up his staff he uses it to assist himself to getting up, and looks around. He can make out some bootprints in the dust, quickly being covered by this new layer. He follows them out of the corridor and noticed that dusk has passed it was truly dark now making it all the harder to find her, until she wants to be found.

He could make out something off in the distance, in the moonlight, on the floor. He slowly walks up to it and sees it’s a dirty grey coat and a matching old backpack. So she has dumped her stuff. He thinks looking around to try and stop a trap. He can make out a ruin up ahead that must be where she has gone. He puts his bag down as well, next to coat. He waits until he has caught his breath properly and makes his way to the ruins, staying low.

[Kell]

The grace that having a tail affords was lending well as she crossed the top edge of a few walls in moments, leaping over a small chunk of roof, she paused, listening, her hands quietly plucking stones from the crumbling wall as she panted softly. Slipping a good handful of stones into one of her pockets before moving forward again, her eyes spotted a place with not only a view but cover from a weeping willow growing just outside an outer wall.

Moving again Kell crossed a few walls and dropped into the hallway, quickly making note of a piece of string strung across the hall to her right before climbing the other wall and entering into the cover of the willow leaves.

Her ears twitched as she listened, her ears picking up noise to the left, near where she had entered this ancient apartment complex.

Guess if nothing else he might make some noise...

Slipping her hand into her pocket she pulled out a few, transferring them to her south paw, Kell picked out a nice round one, loading her arm back and quickly giving it a wing a couple of yards from where she expected her prey to be.

Her whiskers twitched as she watched silently waiting for whatever might come as the moon began to rise on the horizon.

[thorn aldsmith]

He followed the boot prints right up to the wall they lead too. Shit, she’s climbing now. He thought looking around to where might be a good spot to head to. There was an old ruined apartment that was close, although it didn’t look amazingly stable. If she’s not in there at least I’ll be able to get a good view of the area from the top. he thought making his way towards it. He stopped suddenly and closed his eyes. He could feel the pressure change in the air. it would be raining soon. He surmised.

Stumbling slightly as he enters the hallway, he puts his hand against a wall to steady himself. Damn, I’ll have to be quieter if I’m to sneak up on her. Just then he noticed a bit of string hanging to the right of him. Hmmm, must be some kind of trap. Stepping away from the string, he looked around for where to go next. A short way off he heard a noise, so readying his staff he headed to where the noise came from.

[Kell]

Her eyes didn’t blink as she watched.

nothing…

Maybe the reptile had given up chase she thought, her heart pounding as her ears twitched around, searching for any small sound. But it was a simple smell that made her move her eyes away; she could just see the silver glow of the moon along the edge of the storm cloud.

“What is with these monks and rain?” Kell hissed softly. Her tail twitched out of site as she contemplated waiting more or trying to flank her prey.

Her hand moved quickly as she tossed another stone, moving a few more yards down a hall, hopefully making the illusion of movement. The breeze picked up again, causing the leaves around her to rattle. A grimace crossed her face as she laid her ears back, her choice of hiding was clearly ill made.

With an agitated sigh she tossed the handful of stones into the air, spraying them across the ruins as she rolled off the wall backwards, landing next to the trunk of the tree with a soft thud.

[thorn aldsmith]

Looking into the remains of the room he couldn’t see anyone. There was a pile of rubble in the far corner, she could be behind that. He started moving towards the rubble when he heard a noise right in front of him. Shit she can turn invisible? he attacked directly in front of him, wildly swinging, catching nothing. There was a clattering behind him. Shit! What should I do? He asked himself.

I’ll run. He thought. outside the rain might make it easier to spot her. and with that he ran. He caught the string with his staff, causing a wall to come down just behind him. That might slow her down He thought relieved something in this fight might be going his way. He made it outside without any other incident, and span on the spot.

His senses were flaring. He could see the entrance to the hallway, and the rain splashing down outside the doorway. The smell of damp was rising in the air, this smell pleased him, it reminded him of the weather back home. He could hear movement that sounded like it was still in the building but nothing outside. Where is she?

[Kell]

A sneer crested her lip as her fur began to soak up the falling rain, making her shiver with chill.

“I swear….one of these days I’ll have a talk with those damn monks….” She stuttered out as she rubbed her arms. The wait game had begun to annoying as she slowly slid around the outskirts of the building, her eyes glancing about in dark as she searched for her reptilian nemesis.

Her shirt had grown tight around her body as her pants began to bunch and slide in uncomfortable ways, the feeling made her whine mentally.

That’s it…I’m just going to walk up and fight this bastard. The hell with it….

She approached a clearing, just a ways from the entrances of the ruins, some sort of square or plaza from the look of the old stonework.

“come out, come out, where ever you are…” she called out in a soft yet menacing voice.

[thorn aldsmith]

Standing there as quietly as possible, he can hear the rain falling heavily now. He feels the water ride down the scales on his back, it feels good. He clenches his toes and looks around wildly as the wind blows swiftly through the ruins and then off into the distance.

He could hear her voice, it sounded like it was a million miles away, carried on the wind and left for him to pick up. It was leading him around the corner, and beyond the building. Walking along the side of the ruin was deathly silent, the wind couldn’t reach him to taunt him, and the rain was being stopped by an old balcony.

Looking around the corner, Thorn could see her standing there. Looking like she had just been swimming and forgot to take her clothes off before she went in. He also noticed that she didn’t look happy to be in the rain, unlike Thorn.

Sensing a good moment for stealth he creeps around the corner, keeping his back to the ruin. Feeling quite good about the situation he pauses for a second to enjoy the moment. Then he moves suddenly pushing off from the wall. He swings for her legs, to take her down and keep her down. He thinks to himself as he flies through the air. I might be able to finish this quickly and easily.

[Kell]

Her sense of smell clouded by the moisture, her hearing blotted by the thunder of drops on her ears, the darkness hindering her detailed sight; Kell’s instincts took over, her heart beating softly in her chest as she regulated her breathing, slowly searching with her eyes.

Though hindered, she remained calm, the only thing she could do in a moment like this. To panic or go solely off of her instinct alone would end badly, even against a completely inexperienced enemy.

The feline’s heart leapt as she heard movement behind her, a subtle change in the splashes, her body barely turned as she caught the green of her opponent, his body thrusting forward to take her legs. The only thing she can do is jump from her awkward position and hope that her legs gain enough elevation.

A twang sounded as his weapon collided with the toe of one of her boots, sending her off balance to falling sideways. Her breath was forced from her lungs as she landed at such an odd angle, even with the soft sod beneath her; it only saved her from possible broken bones.

After her mind cleared from the confusion of uncontrolled movement, she rolled as fast as she could, trying to gain at least a safe distance from the lizard.

[Call me J]

This thread really had some potential. I liked the use of strategy a lot. It’s a shame it ended right when it was about to get good. Keeping with my custom for incomplete threads, comments are limited.

Thorn Aldsmith Total Score- 36

• STORY ~ 10/30

Continuity (0) ~ I really had no sense of why this battle was even happening. I felt as though it was a complete vacuum.

Setting (6) ~ I liked how things beyond physical description such as sounds and senses became a part of the setting here. Additionally, I liked the way that the setting was

Pacing (4) ~ This started out paced really well, especially with the great use of strategy by both of you, however the thread didn’t end.

• CHARACTER ~ 11/30

Dialogue (3) ~ While punctuation in dialogue need not be the same as normal punctuation, it should be used. If you don’t use it, it seems like your character doesn’t ever take breaths and makes your writing harder to follow. Keep in mind punctuation can be just as important to dialogue as the things you say.

Action (5) ~ See Pacing Comment.

Persona (3) ~ You really just need to flesh out your character more.

• WRITING STYLE ~ 15/30

Mechanics (5) ~ You need to do a better job of punctuation around dialogue, in the future, follow these rules for punctuation:

“I said something,” the guy said.
“Hello,” the guy said[/b].[/b] “Generic words.”
The guy stumbled down the stairs, calling, “Watch carefully!”

Technique (3) ~ The real reason technique scores suffer is because people don’t try to do things in regards to this category.

Clarity (7)

• Wild Card (0) ~ For an incomplete thread.

Kell Total Score- 52

• STORY ~ 15/30

Continuity (3) ~ I found out some stuff about your character and what she had done before this battle, but nothing about why she was in Corone.

Setting (5) ~ See Thorn’s comment.

Pacing (7) ~ A great conclusion would have sent this home, but it really looked like you were building to a great climax.

• CHARACTER ~ 15/30

Dialogue (5)

Action (5) ~ You’d have a higher score here if your introduction didn’t seem so nonsensical. You said she didn’t like Corone, and yet she came to the Citadel, for reasons that you never divulged. The battle action was great though.

Persona (5)

• WRITING STYLE ~ 19/30

Mechanics (7)

Technique (3)

Clarity (9)

• Wild Card (3) ~ You get more points because you didn’t give up on the thread.

EXP and GP
Kell receives 500 EXP and 150 GP
Thorn Aldsmith receives 100 EXP and 75 GP

Spoils
None

[Karuka]

EXP/GP added!