No Surpirses ((open))

[Neptune]

Neptune sat on a Pier of one of the lesser inhabited docks of Scara Brae in an attempt to set down and think about things for once.A feeling of embarrassment came over him, he had never actually just sat down and relaxed before. It was new to him, and he didn't really want to be caught doing it wrong.Though the notion of relaxing Incorrectly was a bit silly, Neptune hadn't ever had time to relax before, his life was so fast before, now in death he can't even get the rest promised."Live life to the fullest, you can sleep when you're dead. What a Crock." Maynard whispered to himself. He wasn't the type to talk to himself out loud, but after almost 5 months with out the ability to let out more than a grumble or gargle, he realized how little things can be taken for granted, like communicating with others, and used his privilege of speech as often as he could now.


At first, setting on the pier he sat very much like he was pained, very rigged like he was planning to get up at any moment, setting leg crossed, hunched over with his hands in his lap, touching his regenerated fingers to make sure they weren't just figment of his imagination. Running his once lost fingers through his other hand as if a key into a lock. In an attempt to make himself feel more natural he pulled the excess cape draped over his mouth down around his neck. The sun felt good, it had been what seemed like an eternity since he was warm, feeling like a hug from a long lost friend he embraced it and took off his boots, rolled up his pants and dipped his feet in the water. It was such an unreal feeling for him.After months of working in some of the slimiest places on all of Althanas it was like a vacation he had never got a chance to have whist living.

"This isn't so bad, I never got a chance to do this before. Though, being dead isn't what I thought it would be, its more like a job for me." The thought made him chuckle to himself a little. "Death shouldn't be a job. It should be rest, Like this. I like this."

Running his hand up his face was a reminder of what death really was, when his hand ran into his eye patch. All at once the day he lost his eye came clear. "Well, I guess Death isn't that bad, its the dieing that the tough part." Out of curiosity he ran his index finger under the band holding up his eye patch, formed a hook and pulled up on it. Opening his left eye lid at first was painful, then warm. But upon closing his right eye the only thing he could see was like a very blurry tunnel with a bit of sunlight all the way at the opposite side. It burned to take his patch off in such bright weather, so much so that he dropped the patch back on to his eye. Neptune Laughed uncontrollably, for so long he had believe that his eye was gone for good, but the small bit of reassurance, though followed by pain, made him ecstatic. "It'll be back soon enough, heh."

Now a smile as wide as his face spanned ear to ear. He reached for his spear and began to dig up some of the gunk in between the boards on the pier, and flicking it into the water to watch the fish scurry around trying to gobble it up before their peers. Seeing this reminded him how hungry he was. It was funny to him, he had always had the misconception that living dead would only eat other people, but his tastes had not changed. Neptune had no longing for flesh, or thirst to quench with blood. Though Some fish would do.

Neptune removed his gloved and set them inside his boots beside him on the pier.Using the blunt handle of the spear he hovered it slightly over the surface of the water. Upon the first sight of a silhouette under his spears handle he struck, stunning the fish. Neptune threw his spear to his side and reach for the fish, grabbing it by the neck. Pulling it out of the water and removing its head was in one simple motion, or at least was attempted to be. Due to the dull head of his Axe it took two swings to kill the fish. This, though a minor victory, was also a major loss for Neptune. He had hoped to Give the fish a death where there was no suffering. His death had changed his thought life, and how unimaginable suffering can be." I gotta get this sharpened" He said aloud, now with a slight seriousness on his face.

He slid the head into the water and tried to forget it, he wasn't going to let that ruin his day. Looking at the edge of both his weapons he decides that he would only botch the Fillet and have to catch a new fish, which he wasn't really in the mood to do anymore. He threw his boots over his shoulder, packed his stuff up, and began to walk toward town with his catch.

[sasquatch]

A man appeared to be running down the street adjacent to the pier, legs stretching forward in great, grasping strides, arms pumping, grey jacket flapping. The reason for this became apparent soon enough, taking the form of a trio of citizens who rounded a corner behind him and commenced to take chase. The man in the flapping grey jacket dared peek over his shoulder, flinching when a stone from someone's sling clipped his ear, and for whatever reason that could not be so easily discerned chose to turn and run down the same wooden planks Neptune had yet to vacate.

Thunk thump thump thump!

"Stop him!" one of the citizens yelled, just as the fleeing man pushed past Neptune with a hurried apology and made for the end of the dock.

The trio followed in hot pursuit until a rotund woman in the rear called for everyone to scoot out of the way, which they did without question, pushing themselves as close to the edge as was possible. Her creamy pink skin glistening and streaked in sooty sweat, the beefy black-haired gal produced a diminutive (but nonetheless dangerous) hand-held crossbow, took a second to pick her shot, and squeezed the trigger.

There was a twang; the man, who had by now reached the end and was facing them, fumbling with his own rather nasty-looking monster of a bow, gave a cry and tumbled backward into the water.

"Ha. Got th'bastard," the woman archer sighed in relief. "Stupid zombie."

"I dunno, he ran awfully quick for an undead," said the tallest (and subsequently the dirtiest) of the trio. "Since when do zombies carry weaponry, anyway?" The third to speak, a weedy, sunburned twenty-or-something brat, nonchalantly leaned back on his heels, only to remember that he was still a bit close to the edge. "He cert'nly wasn't alive, wotever he was," said the kid, balance regained, gazing longingly down the dock at the gently sloshing water. "Hasn't come up yet."

"Well, if and when he does come up, we'll be waitin' for him," said the woman, turning to leave. "Come on gang, we have bigger fish to fry."

The rest of the rag-tag group shambled after her, hardly giving Neptune a second thought as they went on their merry way.

Meanwhile, at the water, a hand was squeezing the bottom rung of a ladder installed for the passengers of shorter vessels. It's owner must have sensed the passing of danger, as he began raising himself from the muddy green harbour, laboriously climbing the rungs until he reached the top, where he then swung around and sat, legs dangling over the edge. There was nothing especially extraordinary or off-putting about him, save for his outfit -- which, far from anomalous for an Althanian inhabitant, was nonetheless foreign -- and his face, severely scarred to the point of malformation on the right side.

Another extraordinary thing -- the guy had an arrow in his chest and didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was more preoccupied with his pack, arbalest and quiver, which he plopped on the dampening timber beside him. When this was finished, he removed his hat and started ringing it out, muttering inaudibly.

[Neptune]

Neptune, seemingly very shaken by this event had been fumbling with his newly found headless meal to see the man scurry by. When the first head of the prejudice crowd shown Neptune had the cold and ignorant misconception that the mob was bringing their retribution for himself. Neptune's whole body went into a state of existential panic as the husky woman revealed her instrument of death. At The drawing of the string Neptune's instinct took over and he crouched down and covered his head, fish still in hand.

The twang rang out. Neptune had thanked everything holy at that moment. "She missed" he thought, and he immediately began pivoting to run to the end of the pier and away from the malicious rout. He then froze at the sight of the rather large splash at the end of the warf. At that instance he realized that it wasn't him they were after, but some other unlucky sap.
He hadn't realized until just that moment just how important breathing for his self still was. He had held his breath until the archers voice ran out a song of success. He let the whole breath out, then breathed heavily in and out until he could regain composure, and realize that he had squeezed whatever morsel of food that was in his fish out onto the boards.

After the rabble took their leave, Neptune discarded his fish skin and fumbled to put his boots on. Tripping over himself while walking to the end of the dock to inspect the damage done, and search for casualties. Once his gloves, boots, and cape were in place he worked his way closer to the edge in time to see the monstrous man emerge from the depths.

A sigh of exhaustion escaped from Neptune, he hadn't even been a part of the commotion and he felt like he had been trampled. "Goodness man," He cried out "What'dja do to piss that crowd off? he didn't see fit for grammar or courtesy. "Are you alright?, you've been hit." he said, as if he thought the man didn't notice. "Its a fumbling Arrow in his chest, of course he knows about it." He thought to himself. "Well, does he?, He sure doesn't act like it."
Neptune knelt near the man, still keeping a bit of distance for safety, holding one hand on his spear for support, one hand across his thigh tightly grasping his Axe, trying to get a peek at the man's face.

Upon viewing the extensive scare tissue inflicted on the chap Neptune stumbled back a bit in surprise, but then tried to play it off as a mere loss of equilibrium. Neptune took a standing position over the man and hoped that he wasn't being chased for justifiable reasons.

[sasquatch]

He had done nothing, nothing to incite the attack. The gang, proudly naming themselves 'professional zombie hunters', must have figured him out somehow, jumping him by a fruit stand a few blocks back, nearly shocking his heart into rhythm. The tall dirty guy had even been brandishing a shovel, which Sid accidentally knocked out of his hands when he had spun around in surprise. From there on a thankfully brief but tiring chase had ensued, finally coming to an anticlimatic halt at this very pier. It had been Sid's original intention to face them here, but that burly-armed woman had obviously beat him to the shot.

The pain of the bolt, once blinding, was now a dull, irritating simmer...as long as he kept his movements to a minimum. Hat first. Frightfully painful arrow-tugging later.

He hated it when his hat got wet.

"Goodness man! What'dja do to piss that crowd off?"

Sid was practically on his feet for fear that the 'zombie hunters' had returned to finish him off. Upon seeing the source of the voice he lowered himself stiffly, hissing between his teeth as the bolt affirmed its presence.

"Are you alright? you've been hit."

"Well, yeah..." Sid responded, grinding his jaw through the extreme discomfort of being impaled with a foot-long wooden stake. "It's nothin', 'cause I'm...uh..." He happened to actually look up and see Neptune's face, whereupon he startled in a fashion similar to the cloaked man's when he had seen Sidney's scars.

"Holy fuck yer dead too!"

Only this guy wasn't acting like a shamblor. Nor did he really look like a shamblor. Sid just knew, in that special way only a fellow dead person truly can.

His impalement site throbbed violently, reminding him of a wound he had endured when he was among the living. Almost like there was blood pumping around in there to move against it. Temporarily forgetting his wonderment, he clumsily unsheathed a dagger from a black sheath on his belt and began sawing away at the wooden part of the shaft. He wasn't about to go tearing it out, as that would leave a bigger hole then he wanted to deal with. The material was thick, the sawing slow-going.

"What're the odds of that?" he said wryly, glancing up from his work. "Unless...unless yer just anot'er one of them, only all smart and stuff,
'cause...well, y'know, that wouldn't surprise me, really." After this little spurt of vocab he seemed to become slightly embarrassed and lapsed into silence, concentrating solely on cutting the shaft.

[Neptune]

Neptune knew what the man had said, but only half believed it. "What?, Are you dead like me?" he asked excitedly. Immediately he let gravity take hold of his spear and he trotted to a kneeling position directly beside the man sawing the arrow away. He expression immediately changed from a concerned grimace to an ear to ear smile, so powerful his eyes squinted hard. Other than the vampire he worked with he had never met another intelligible Undead. He let the fact that they where both Undead get in the way of his manners, he immediately put his hand on the Undead man's shoulder and began to chuckle.


"What happened with those people? Why were they after you?" He questioned, "Your Wounds, they must be semi-fresh since they haven't healed yet, right?" He had forgotten that he was only able to heal because his gift from the prodigal Lich. "And What do you mean one of them?, Are there others out there?" He launched a barrage of questions not even giving time for his counterpart to answer.

"OH manners", He though. "Baron Sayid Neptune" he said putting his unoccupied hand to his chest, slightly bowing his head. He didn't know if his Baron status transgressed through death, but he had always introduced himself that way, so he decided to keep it.

[sasquatch]

The sawing motions ceased, only to continue anew when Sid had digested the full brunt of the other undead's words. There was something different about confronting a 'real' dead person and a mere vampire. Personally, Sid preferred the latter; he had yet to meet a 'real' dead person he liked. All the real-dead people on Earth had either wanted to eat him or...eat him. Hell, it had been hard enough to like his own dumb self in life, why should his opinion of the 'real' dead change in death? Although the cloaked undead's manner felt right peaceable, and despite his inner misgivings Sidney relaxed (as much as one can relax when occupying such a state). Hesitantly the archer offered his title.

"N-name's Sidney, though some's call me Sid, or Chicago. Doesn' matter none..."

A sailor swaggered passed them, presumably headed to the lone dinghy tied nearby. He couldn't resist a curious double-take. Sid ignored him, pausing again in his effort to chew his mangled bottom lip thoughtfully. Talking about the undead and their peculiar condition, his peculiar condition in particular, had never been a comfortable subject for him, especially with strangers -- no matter how enthused or friendly they appeared. He exhaled noisily in what could be interpreted as resignation or befuddlement, or both. His already taxed mind was having trouble keeping track of the overwhelming number of questions the Baron had tossed. He settled for the last.

"What I meant was...shamblors who can think, y'know? Smart. That's how they were, anyway, or are. Back home...on Earth." Sidney spoke slowly, wistfully, almost through with the sawing. "When they got smart, that's when everything changed. Them hunters had mistooken me for-for one of them."

[Neptune]

"I uh," He thought carefully for a second, "Never been to earth, or even heard of it, but I think I get what you mean." He innocently mistook earth for a kingdom of Althanas. "Ones that Hunger?, No, I assure you Sidney, I don't hunger for anything more than what I did while I lived." Neptune backed off, seeing how uncomfortable he was with the subject. He remained silent for a second, then sat himself down hanging his legs from the pier. The baron hadn't even seen the sailor trekking to his dinghy until in this position.

Neptune Stared rudely to his newly acquainted friend, Well he had proclaimed them friends without actually any type of acknowledgment of wanting to be friends from the other man. He only assumed that he would want to be on friendly terms with seemingly the only smart corpse around. Before saying anything else, though, Neptune had felt the bump of a fish on his foot. He looked curiously to the water, to see ripples in the water leading parallel to the pier toward the small dinghy. The Sailor was now booking it past them, to town away from the docks.

Neptune didn't even have a chance to ponder his actions before another bump was felt on his foot, Then a wet and slimy sensation running up his leg followed by a downward tug. "Uh -Ahh." was the only thing Neptune could muster up to say. The next tug though, was enough to pull him off the pier, down to his waist as he held on with both arms, trying to reach for his spear. Though Whatever was pulling on him didn't allow him the time for such a convenience.

As he jetted toward the bottom of the bay, he waisted most of what breath he had caught struggling and attempting to yell. He wrapped his hand around his leg and tried to pry the lengthy protrusion away, but when one lenght of it would let him free, another would wrap itself around his thigh.
He reached for his Axe by his side, by instinct, but he new that he saw it on the pier beside his spear before he was taken.

Neptune took a split second to search his surroundings, most of the water was very murky from the algae on the pier and the sand which had up heaved from the sudden actions in the water. All the fish were absent of the area, the only other sight was the large unrecognizable mass of life he was being pulled toward. His only hope was that Sidney was comming for him, or that the salior had went for some type of help.

[sasquatch]

if you don't like where I've taken this, just let me know and I'll edit. Also, you can do whatever you want with Hanson...

Hanson Serablas chuckled softly to himself, stilling the oars at the hull of his ketch. He had recognized both men -- if you could even call them 'men' -- for what they were when he had first set hungry eyes upon them. It had been a while since last he ate, and the corpse-eater was more than a little thrilled that he could finally catch such a delectable meal.

Kashrekas, the beast below the waves, was drawing his prey ever closer toward it's ravenous maw, where the walking undead's life-energy would then be transferred via a special metaphysical link to Hanson's own body. The relationship he shared with the creature was atypical but nonetheless immensely profitable; his bribery to maintain control over Kashrekas had cost him dearly, but he wouldn't have been able to consume those ghostly corsairs -- they who harboured the spirit and, therefore, the energy on which he thrived -- without the creature's gruesome assistance.

Alas, his contract was nearly consummate. Hanson had in fact been about to embark into the waters off Corone in order to return his beastly partner, when lo and behold, fate handed him two 'intelligent' walkers -- the kind he needed -- ripe for feasting.

He had set Kashrekas upon them, and the creature had predictably selected the easiest-reached of the duo as the first to go. No matter, it looked as if the slender silver-haired one with the burned face was going to jump in after his companion anyway.

Hanson's plump sausage-lips peeled apart, revealing a row of stone-sharpened incisors. Eyes as quietly unassuming as river silt watched on in aching anticipation as the silvery-haired bloke stood, shedding his coat; grabbing his arbalest. He then loaded the weapon, seemingly deciding on whether or not to shoot into the murky water, and in doing so risking a hit to his friend. A cord of drool escaped the sailor's mouth, dribbling freely down his pointed chin. Go ahead, he urged the scarred undead. Jump in after him. Jump.

As if he had heard the corpse-eater's hunger-driven desire, Scar Face, partially severed arrow protruding like some crude handle from his plaid-ensconsed chest, dove into the water, bow in hand, vanishing beneath the surface. Hanson resolved to take this moment to enjoy for the final time a gift he had been given in conjunction with Kashrekas' momentary mastery.

...Let me see through your eyes...Kashrekas...open yourself to me...

The transition came swiftly; a rush of coolness on his face. Hanson became aware of a dim, weightless world. A useful trick, if ever there was one -- to see through the eyes of your butcher. He hadn't a lick of control, but the sailor could witness everything as if he were bobbing behind the retinas of his terrifying charge. Hanson saw darkness, stirred billows of stringy mud, Kashrekas' four lengthiest arms surging around the bodies of his intended mid-day meal. Scar Face was treading water a few feet below the surface, inky piss-yellow blood spilling from a wound inflicted on the tentacle nearest him. Suddenly, the archer became strangely inanimate. It took Hanson a second or two to figure it out -- Scar Face's bow was pointing right at Kashrekas's eyeball.

The sailor withdrew just as a jet of bubbles came coursing for the undead's intended target. He'd soon learn if the bolt had hit home.

[Neptune]

No man, I like it, and even if I didn't don't worry, If I was the only one writing plot here it wouldn't be much of a collaborative writing =D


Neptune had all but passed out when the stringy grasp of Kashrekas was just loosened just enough for him to float free, as he made his way to surface he could only help but mock his state "Whats the point of being dead if I still have to breath?" he questioned to himself. He had only a second of freedom before Kashrekas was on his tail again, he felt the sweeping motion of the monsters slimy strikes sweep inches for the back of his head.The surface was only inches away when he used the last of his reserve of air that he didn't even have. Using the upward motion he had as momentum he pulled himself onto the dock and laid flat, inches away from where he had just rested.

The Baron laid flat, eyes closed for a second, trying to repress the feeling of lightheadedness that forced its way in with his first breaths. Just like a newborn he opened his eyes and the light from the sun made everything blurry for a moment, slowly coming into focus. Neptune saw the absence of the other Undead, not seeing the shed coat, and figured that Sid had left him to die, not knowing that he had been the one to free him from death's familiar, cold grasp.

Neptune fumbled a bit, kicking to turn his self over to reach for his weapons, only his Axe was in reach. He grabbed it, only lightly at first, then tightening when the abomination's stringy protrusion was creeping its way back up his leg, blindly though, for no part of Neptune could be seen from below the water. Blindness aside the sea creature grabbed what he was feeling for, Neptune tighten his grasp on the dry-rot handle of his rickety Axe and felt the thump thump thump on his back side as he was pulled to the water once again.

"I'm not dieing without a funeral again!" he thought frantically as he gasped the planks of the worn, splintering boards with his free hand, setting up as if we where being pulled on across the floor on a carpet. He couldn't get a grip, his fingers were too thick with his gloves on to find a suitable anchor point in the crevasses between the planks. In a ditch attempt to save himself he raised his Axe-wielding arm high and tried to pull his leg toward him, only pulling himself closer to the monstrous, slimy, tentacle like protrusion.Before being pulled back to the murky crypt The Baron thrust his Axe downward and tried to sever Kashrekas hold on him.

Due to Neptune's sorry weaponry, however, the attack cut nothing, but only created a satisfying pop and crunch of a possible broken bone. Kashrekas Loosened his grasp once more, and began to retreat his arm only to find that it was pinned down by the broken head of the Axe, which was now acting as a wedge, holding the fiend's arm in place between a rather large gap in the wet lumber. Kashrekas pulled a bit, though the harder he pulled the stronger the wedge held. Neptune morned the loss of his Axe head for a second, it was one of the only things he had at the moment, but he held on to the pointy handle, regardless.

Neptune blundered around a bit, then stumbled into a run toward his spear which had rolled dangerously close to the edge of the pier now, gaining momentum. Neptune ran for the spear full force and dove just ahead of his broken spear, to catch it. No sooner than the spear found its way into Neptune's grasp when He realized that he, himself, had adopted the same momentum his smear had, and helplessly braced himself for impact with the frigid, murky water. He took one last half-breath before plummeting, like a pebble.

After recovering from the vertigo effect from falling in the water had first, he saw the needy creature struggling to free his lengthy appendage just below the surface of the water. "I need to get out of here," Neptune thought "Though if I have to fight, at least I can catch a breath this close to the surface" Neptune treaded water as best he could with his cape and broken weapons in hand. Upon a second examination of the monster he noticed the man he thought absent on the far side of Kashrekas, within its reach, And the milky blood pouring from the monstrosity's eye. "Shit, I've gotta go help him, he was the one who saved your ass" He grabbed a breath of air from the surface and as quickly as he could, swam toward toward the beast, in hopes of helping his savior.

[sasquatch]

lol, alright. awesome. ^___^

Kashrekas was not an apt multi-tasker, and, fortunately for Sid, the majority of it's mental energy was focused on the freeing of the arm which Neptune had inadvertently pinned. Even through the water the Undead could make out the pitiful moaning and groaning of the pier's timbers as they bent beneath the increasingly frantic motions of what he could now safely presume was a giant cuttlefish. The archer angled his arm around, fingers searching for another bolt, finding nothing. From his stance beneath the surface he craned his neck, quickly realizing that the pressure of the quiver he carried was missing.

With a mouthed, bubble-producing curse Sid looked at his feet (the boots of which he hadn't bothered to remove), spying the oblong container resting half-buried in silt a good twelve feet down. It was surreal...the mammoth silhouette of the monster, concealed in shadow and dross, the tentacles swirling about, sheer madness, a drop of sunlight falling to illuminate the emerald fabric covering his quiver; the sense that time was running out (and not because he had to take a breath, which...he didn't).

The booming scream of tearing, cracking wood and bending metal surrounded him. Swells of mud turned golden with the beast's bodily fluids more solid than he could see around. The disappearance of the sunlight. Kashrekas had torn off the end of the pier in it's struggle to free itself, and Sid was able to catch a single glance of Neptune pushing toward him before the debris when a tentacle hit him square in the chest, breaking the arbalest from his grasp and propelling him through the water at a petrifying speed.

Had he the need to fill his lungs with oxygen, Sidney would have surely drowned. But as it was, his dead status gave him some lee-way in this department, and he was instead given the intense pain of several damaged ribs to focus on. The archer's hands clawed at Kashrekas' glutinous black flesh in an instinctual effort to hold on. He didn't have to, as the tentacle curled around his waist, thick as an oak, squeezing him until points of red light exploded in his vision. Sid experienced a fleeting spark of hope when he thought of his dagger, the hope soon dashed to pieces upon remembering that it still laid on the dock -- or on the floor of the bay, concealed by layers of broken planks and mud, depending on just how much of the structure Kashrekas had destroyed.

[Neptune]

Neptune fought and scissored his was through the dusty storm brought on by the convulsion of the large beast. He found himself swimming through the debris of the once makeshift hindrance to the beast, since turned hindrance to himself. Dodging the dangerous boards, easily large enough to pin a man to the bottom, he worked his way through. The water was cold, the longest a person can hold their breath for is about 3 minutes, but in this shaded water, whist swimming as hard as he could, he was struggling to hold it for 40 seconds. Once clear of the debris, and in striking range of the immense monster, he flipped his feet to the monster, which was now about 12 feet down, and kicked off of it to the surface, to catch one last breath before facing his foe.

At the surface Neptune heaved and coughed, on the journey a minuscule amount of the creatures blood had worked its way to Neptune's mouth. It was thick, and cloudy and had the taste of vinegar and oil. He spit, attempting to purge the taste from his tongue, but didn't dwell, he sucked in, allowing the air to fill him, he made sure every crack in his lung was fulled, then flipped in the water so that he was aimed for the fiend, and took for his target.

Once again, Neptune planted his feet on the beast but this time he anchored himself in, and started to try to free his captured ally with the remainder of his Axe handle, finding a crevasse in the beasts coil grasp and forcing the hilt in. Neptune took a second to wonder why the creature hadn't interrupted him yet, but quickly realized that it was dragging the two protagonists further from the coast, further from help. Neptune found a sweet spot, deep in the beasts grasp. He tugged nd pulled, but nature was winning on this fight. He pulled toward him hard with shock force but nothing happened.

In desperation, Neptune used the hilt of his Axe as a makeshift handle with his left hand, ad used his right to bury the tip of his spear at the base of the structure. An immediate response was felt,the grip loosened a bit, making Neptune slip, but he quickly replanted his balance. Not satisfied with the result though, The Baron used the spear as a lever and rocked it back and forth in the place where the monstrosity's arm met body. With each motion the spear found its way in deeper, and the grip loosened until Neptune felt some give in the monsters grip. He removed the spear with a devastating rip of Kashrekas' flesh, the familiar milky discharge poured, like smoke from the wound, making it harder to see, and easier to slip.

Neptune tugged on the handle a few more times, he felt a strand unwrap, he looked to Sid, and motioned for him to try to slip free, using only his free hand to simulate a Pulling motion. Tugged a bit more, using both hands this time, holding his spear between his Thumb and index finger, and using the rest to help the other hand which was completely dedicated to the Axe handle. While tugging, he checked their position again. To Neptune's surprise, they weren't far out, and in actuality, they looked closer than last time he had checked, only a few feet from the debris, and Sid's abandoned weapon. Upon injuring the beast, it must have turned to the coast in fear of smaller, more numerous predators.

The Grip began to go taught again, a grim reminder that he needed to work the monsters grasp loose. He pulled frantically only a few more times, He may have only been working at it for a few seconds in total, but it wore him beyond belief, he motioned to Sid that he needed to go for air, by using his finger to point to the surface, He went for one last pull, the hardest one yet, and all that was left in the Undead's exhausted body.He did everything he could, the rest was up to Sid.

[sasquatch]

Sid was already well on his way in the "becoming free of the monstrous binding tentacle of death' department by the time the Baron had done his damage. With a final, desperate kick he wriggled free of the arm and made for the surface. Visibility was nonexistent beneath the water, and dead or no, the harsh chill of the liquid was beginning to take it's toll. The Undead's animated limbs felt stiff with the cold, the fabric of his clothing weighted and restrictive.

He broke into the air, spitting water from his mouth. The breeze, which had been but a pleasantly smooth whisper before this little venture, now clapped bitterly against saturated skin, and he found that his senses were about as numb as his body; hands traumatized by the sheer frigidity of the water felt nothing as they flared around him; had he a working circulatory system, the cartilage sculpting his nose would have turned blue. Neptune's head, bobbing a few feet away, was seen with great difficulty through vision blurred. In the second it took him to register this, a reclusive corner of Sid's mind chuckled at the peculiarities of his own unique undeath.

Thunk!

The archer's face was knocked forward, propelling him again under the waves. Behind him sat Hanson in his boat, oar cautiously poised from where it had hit the back of the dead man's skull.

Hanson looked livid.

"You...you...look what you've gone and done!" he shouted out, swinging the oar around above his head. The sailor's grip slipped and he nearly dropped it, but his tyrade kept on flowing. "I wasn't supposed to return it damaged, don't you understand!? It's not like it's insured! Goddamnit!"

The water holding the boat was tinted a light yellow from the blood of the beast, who had not bothered to resume it's attack on the two Undead. Hanson's eyes strayed over the tell-tale signs of a serious wound. He knew that Kashrekas had been injured in the battle, but seeing the hard evidence was just a tad too solidifying to bare. Spluttering unintelligibly he started rowing with a rough stroke toward his ketch, bellowing as he went. "Just you wait! This won't be the last time we meet! I'll eat you yet!"

Sid reappeared, closer to Neptune this time and boasting his newly-reclaimed bow and quiver. He turned around awkwardly to see the funny little sailor cussing up a storm as he made his getaway. But his head was pounding, he was cold and soaked and...fatigued?...and the last thing he wanted to do was stay a minute longer in that horrible water. Without another backward glance the Undead swam as quickly as his bogged-down limbs allowed for shore, snatching his floating jacket in the process.

Luckily, there was a scraggly bit of rock-strewn beach beneath where the pier had sprouted from the road above, and Sid's rear end more or less met with the stones the moment he staggered from the sea, throwing his affects beside him and leaning forward, elbows on knees. He felt like he should have been breathing heavily. Instead, he was merely very, very cold.

[Neptune]

Neptune had found his self surfaced only a few seconds after Sid. His ascension to the surface was much more difficult, because of his rather weighty attire. His boots and gloves both caught the water, acting a unfortunate parachute. In addition, swimming in a cape is hard, let alone spear in hand. On resurface Neptune took his largest, and most rewarding gasp for air. He cleared the stingy, disobedient hair from his face with his free hand as he tread water frenetically.

After hearing the frenzied rant of the plump sailor, Neptune had found himself washed to the same grouping of rocks that Sid had take shelter on. He turned himself so that his freezing body was back-down on the larger rock he had found suitable to hold him, and took a few large breaths and tried to calm the shaking in his hands that was stirred by the excitement. Left hand grasping spear tightly, he propped himself in to a setting position and was relieved by the scene of the obviously worried sailor remove himself from the area. Even more of a relief was the silhouette of the colossus tailing him.

"That Dinghy will never make it on the sea, he has to be staying somewhere around Scara Brae." He said in a very 'matter-of-fact' kind of way. With that said, Neptune eyed the end of his spear. He noticed a very malodorous glob of cloudy pus with the consistency of egg yolk hugging the worn point. He flipped it off into the stirred water, following the bit of lard wit his eye, he realized the whole area was covered with a very pungent film of the same fluid.

Neptune looked to Sid, he easily see they where both just as tired as the other. "We might want to get off water level as soon as we can, If I can smell this shit, then I'm sure that any predator around here can smell it too." He didn't want to hurry Sid, in fact, he didn't feel like moving himself. "Thanks man," His text book tone left him, in place of a much more sincere one "I thought I was gone". He removed his cape, rung it out a bit, and threw it over his shoulder, then used his spear as a makeshift walking stick to push himself to his feet, only barely though. His legs buckled slightly from the ferocious game of tug-of-war he just played with the frenzied beast.

He slowly waded to Sid's claimed rock, and held out a hand of help, graditude, and freindship, to help Sid to his feet.

[sasquatch]

It did indeed smell awful. A foul flotsam of goo and blood was everywhere, defiling the beach and water. It was even on his clothing. Sid tiredly pinched at a stringy bit of tissue sticking to his shirt sleeve and attempted to fling it away. The tissue had other ideas and clung to his pruned white fingertips quite stubbornly. Sid hadn't the urge nor the energy to spare and let it be. This day had certainly turned out to be one of the odder ones he had experienced on Althanas.

What would mom say if she saw me now...

The Baron arrived, and Sid tried to stand to help the man, buy only succeeded in partially rising before his rebellious legs found him once more perched on his bum. The departure of the beast was, thankfully, evident.

"That Dinghy will never make it on the sea, he has to be staying somewhere around Scara Brae."

Sidney nodded absently and did a realistic impression of a sigh. "D'you think those two are connected somehow?" he quietly queried, having been submerged when Hanson had threatened to return and devour them both. What was a giant cuttlefish doing in the bay? And why was it tailing that boat? They must have been together. Besides, no sane person who didn't travel with a murderous overgrown cephalopod would hit him in the head with an oar blade when he wasn't looking.

"We might want to get off water level as soon as we can, If I can smell this shit, then I'm sure that any predator around here can smell it too."

"Yeah..."

"Thanks man."

Sid glanced sharply up from gazing out after the retreating dinghy and the monster shadowing it. His expression said it all -- thank you? He had never been thanked before. Which he didn't necessarily mind. It wasn't as if he had ever deserved to be thanked, even back home with the commandos and the "walking scourge". He was just some dumb low-life who knew how to shoot. But still...it sort of caught him off-guard.

"I thought I was gone".

"Well...I couldn't have just let you get eaten by that thing," Sid snorted, as if everything had been a routine act. "You saved my life, too, Sayid. I mean, we're even."

When the hand was offered to him, Sid took it carefully, almost hesitantly, and as he was brought to his unsteady feet he found himself beaming at the first person he had met here who had truly been kind to him, and whom he could truly call his friend.

[Witchblade]

Storyline

Continuity: - 6 From the looks of it, this seems to be Neptune’s first quest. I love these testing the water threads because not only are they fun to read, but they’re also fun to write. This is clearly just something thrown out there that both of you worked together to actually put some storyline into. Neptune, not only did you throw a seemingly random battle into this thread but Sasquatch actually went and made it extremely interesting. He threw a twist into the ‘a typical’ fight with the sea monster. This may or may not have had a great amount of impact of either of your characters, but it was a creative twist in a quest that could easily have gone nowhere.

Setting: - 5 Both of you need to work on your setting. It’s there, you describe it but you don’t really interact with it. As things happen to it you tell the reader what’s happening to the setting, but I never really felt there during the thread. You need to make the reader smell the salt and fish in the air, feel the wind slap against their face and the rocks beneath their boots as the water soaks their clothing. Just remember that characters should always interact with their setting, don’t you on a daily basis in real life? When you walk through the forest, you don’t just walk through it, you touch the trees as you pass by, branches and leaves caress your skin as you reach up and pluck a leaf off a vine.

Pacing: - 4 The pacing tends to jump around a lot. Neptune, you try to keep it really tense in your posts as your fighting this sea monster, but Sasquatch, you’re a little more laid back and not as tense so the reader gets thrown around a lot. Just remember that not every single moment of the battle needs to be extremely tense, or you’ll wear out the reader. Keep the tense parts for the good scenes, build it up to the finale and then give it to the reader. Also, try not to lead into tension too quickly. Surprises as fun to the reader, unless they’re drawn out.

Character

Dialogue: - 4 Don’t break up dialogue!

Neptune - post #3, paragraph 4 – that whole thing is like a jumbled continuation of dialogue that’s irritating to read because you’ve broken it up. People don’t speak like that, you have to keep the dialogue flowing unless there’s a reason you’re breaking it up and don’t do it so much. Doesn’t this flow a lot smoother?

‘Goodness man!’ he cried out, ‘what’dja do to piss that crowd off? Are you all right? You’ve been hit…”

He thought the man didn’t notice. It’s a fumbling arrow in his chest, of course he noticed...well does he? He sure doesn’t act like it.

It has a better flow to it and keeps the reader from confusing your internal thoughts and your speech.

Sasquatch, don’t repeat another person’s speech in your post, not unless it’s something really important that your character’s reflecting upon. Otherwise you don’t have to because the reader has already read it, thus knows what has been said. Also, it’s usually best to not fit in speech between another person’s speech and just continue the conversation after they stopped talking.

Action: - 5 The action seemed true to the characters. Though I’m a little unsure of why Sid jumped into the water after Neptune. Writing from the enemy’s point of view is creative and a nice idea, the only problem is it also detracts from the reader knowing exactly what’s going on in your character’s head. Perhaps if you had mentioned it later on in another post, your character kind of reflecting on just why he had done such a foolish thing or however you would have wanted to do it. Not all actions need to be explained, but jumping into the water after a complete stranger getting pulled down by a sea monster usually does. Not everyone would do that. Some would just run for help.

Neptune, your way of writing action needs a little bit of help. It’s very jumpy and you have this habit of describing every little thing to the point where the reader just gets lost all the motions and has no idea what’s going on. Try shortening your action writing a bit. The reader—for example—wouldn’t need to know that as you kicked your enemy, your right hand flew to the side and your left hand was tucked behind your back.

Persona: - 7 Both of your character’s personalities came out beautifully in the story. Neptune was rather innocent and curious, while Sid seemed guarded and untrusting. They’re a little bit on the typical side, but I’m sure you’ll develop them more, these are after all relatively new characters. I think the more you write with them, the more interesting they shall become, not to mention dynamic and set apart from stereotypes.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 5 Re-read your posts! I don’t care if you read them backwards, forwards sideways or upside down. Whatever works for you, just make sure that you do it. It will get rid of a lot of the spelling and grammatical mistakes that litter your posts. Neptune, I noticed right from your beginning post that you kept saying ‘setting’ but I’m really sure what you meant to say was ‘sitting’. Try to keep your words straight. Sasquatch, try not to jump around from third person to third person omniscient, just keep to your characters or whatever selected NPC’s you want to use.

Technique: - 5 There was a little foreshadowing that I spotted. I’m not sure if it was done by accident or on purpose, but it was still a nice little addition.

Clarity: - 6 The battle scene with the monster got a little confusing, but that was mostly in Neptune’s posts as already talked about in his action. Just keep things simple there, don’t go overboard and don’t analyze every single motion his body is going to go through, otherwise it’s too much for the reader to take in. Other than that, clarity was fine.

Wild Card: - 6 It was good quest, a nice starter for Neptune and I hope that you two do some more quests together. I wouldn’t mind having the opportunity to judge them either.

Total: 53

Rewards:

Neptune receives 300 experience and 150 GP!
Sasquatch receives 315 experience and 150 GP!

[Letho]

EXP/GP added!