The DollHouse ((Open))

[Aiko]

Aiko didn't like all these people near her baby. She held her ragbaby closely. She darted up the steps and down a hall, fleeing from all the people. They weren't going to take her Baby from her.

"Can I help you?" asked a Monk effortlessly keeping up with her.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!" Shrieked a confused Aiko.
"Calm down, I wasn't going to take your baby. This is a place for fighting and growing stronger." the monk said.

Aiko found herself in a corner. She sat down.

"Yes, stronger. They won't take my baby then. I won't let Grandfater Hatred take my little Calbrena. Not again, not again." She said.
She twitched and seemed a whole new person.

"I think I'll go build myself a Dollhouse, framed in Cherry wood and walled in paper, never ending, never beginning, filled top to bottom with dolls, and I shall sit pretty, the biggest doll of them all." She said.

"Come, stand up, why not take a few minutes by yourself to collect your thoughts. We have just the room for you." The monk said.

He lead her to a nearby cherry door. she stepped inside.

as the monk walked away he could be heard to be muttering "Maybe she just needs someone to take it out on."

When an opponet entered the Arena, he/she/it would find a massive house framed in cherry wood, with walls made of paper. Shelves were everywhere, filled with dolls of all kinds, all of them seeming to star at the combatant. One noticable doll would appear to be like an old fashioned English knight, sitting almost next to the entrance.

As the first Combatant progressed through room after room, there would be a seemingly infinite number of dolls in all shapes sizes and appearences. One noticable doll would have a freshly painted face, dressed like a Japanese Geisha, in torn clothing, grinning from ear to ear. There was no discernable diffrence between this doll and the rest, other than that she was breathing.

"Don't you want to play with my Dolls?" Aiko asked her opponet.

She had no sign of a weapon, so what was her game plan?

[The Barbarian]

Tyrael leaned against the counter heavily, his newly acquired bongo drums hanging silently by his left hip. Their taught leather faces and sapphire jewels gleamed off the bit of sun that drifted in through the stained glass windows of the ever wondrous Citadel.

“Somethin’…different. Ya know, not the usual heave ho’, hack n’ slash brawl. I need a mind game…yea. That’ll whip me inta’ shape!” He mumbled partly to the monk and partly to himself. His jet black hair glimmered softly with its snow white streaks, hanging over his shoulders and tickling the top of the bald monk who busy flipping through battles ready for a challenger. He looked up with his eyes, obviously annoyed, and sat back up straight, eyeing the enormously tall barbarian.

“We have what you need. Please follow my attendant. We…oh wow. She has a nice body…” He said as he leaned over, watching a curvy Amazonian warrior saunter by, holding a large spear in one hand, the other flexing a gauntlet covered hand. Tyrael’s pupil-less glowing eyes followed her as well, his lips forming into his ever confident grin. His fingers however betrayed him, thumb and forefinger rubbing together with a slight bit of nervousness.

“This way…” Said the errand boy monk who appeared at his side like a ghost. His voice trailed as he watched the woman bend over to fix his plated boots, something apparently lodged near the front ankle.

All three men leaned their heads to the left in unison, each drawing in a soft, lustful hiss.

“Ah, right. Follow me.” He said slightly embarrassed. Tyrael blinked out of his lust and laughed casually, fingers rubbing a little faster. Trailing the teenager at a polite distance, he wondered if leaving his titanium battle axe behind was a good idea. It didn’t weigh him down much, but he relying on it so much worried his conscious and he was preparing to meet up with the newly re-established Red Hand soon. His Thayne had told him so. Thus, his mind had to be in top shape to help rebuild as quickly as possible.

“Ok.” The boy said simply. He pointed to a door made of wood and left the barbarian to wonder why it wasn’t steel like the rest. Eyeing the faded barrier, he opened it carefully and peeked into the abyss. He was a little nervous, but with a closed fist, he couldn’t show it. Taking in a large breath, making his physique seem even more daunting than before, he released it slowly and passed through the portal.

Seeing the doll house unnerved him. Noticing he was walking without almost any real thought of his own gave him the creeps. Not to mention the hordes of dolls that stared at him as if he were lunch. One doll in particular caught his attention, its porcelain white face and wide smile caused bits of sweat to form on his brow with both fists closed tightly. When it spoke to him, he nearly grabbed his sword to whack its head off, but instead hopped back like a scared child.

All in all, he was a teddy bear when it came down to it.

“Do I…what?” He asked as his eyes darted from doll to doll, but appeared to stay on her the entire time. “Look, uh, lady. I don’ know what yous talkin’ ‘bout…but it don’ sound none to good.” He slid his left book back, his hands ready to snatch the hilt of his short sword or slam on the tops of his bongo drums in a flash.

[Aiko]

"Oh come on, they won't hurt you, will Edward might, but he's just protective." She said. Edward, the doll in armor came around to Tyrael's front side and raised his little dagger like a longsword. How the doll managed to move without outside help was anyone's guess.

Aiko spoke as though there was a wee little spirit inside Edward. This was infact true, but not in the way she thought. If someone with the power to look could see, some of Aiko's own spirit was invested in the doll. Infact, there was also a spirit in her headband, but not Aiko's, though it was similar to her own, as though it was her daughter or something. It wa sthe fact that Aiko's spirit was invested in the doll that enabled it to move. That, and she had a sliver of Psionic power.

The Doll stood infront of the hulking barbarian as though it was going to defend Aiko to its crushing end.

"EDWARD! You apologise right now for using such foul language." Aiko yelled at the little knight doll. The doll had said nothing Tyrael could hear. Aiko was clearly insane.

OOC: She's slow at beginning a fight, and after your next post she'll start to fight, however, if you want to kickstart it into highgear, then assualt the shelves of dolls on your left side. Her Ragbaby is hidden there. Ragbaby is a bundle of rags she thinks of as her real baby.

[The Barbarian]

Tyrael’s eyes narrowed to tiny slivers as he took a step back. The toy in front of him had said nothing and yet she was scolding it. Either there was a telepathic link between the two or she was nuts. He hadn’t dealt with a crazy person in some years, but he vaguely remembered almost being gutted by the seemingly non-lethal look they all appeared to share.

Minus the odd tone their voices always carried.

Afraid of what might happen with the doll, since he still remembered seeing a small boy fight some months ago using nothing but vicious toys, he drew his delhar short sword in his right hand. The left was ready to punch, grab, or deflect anything that might suddenly fly at him. This chick is insane… He thought with a grimace as his eyes darted from the girl to the toy with very lethal dagger in its hands.

The unnerving gaze from the rest of the, for the moment, lifeless dolls that watched him did nothing to relieve his anxiety. The faded paper walls did well to replicate an old residence, but he knew crashing through them was be a simple matter of swiping a new doorway. The idea of kicking this crazy girl’s ass was something he was hoping wouldn’t happen. But then again, eating sh*t because of her wasn’t such a thrilling proposition either.

“Look, uh, lady. I dunno what’s yo deal, but don’t get mad at the…toy. Ya really here to fight me?” He asked as he watched the small, armored guardian.

[Aiko]

The Toy hopped down of its own volition, and unsupported by anything, walked over to The Barbarian, clearly a superior opponet when compared to the doll.

Aiko's eyes went wide, and darted over to the shelve of dolls to the barbarian's left. She reached in and grabbed her bundle of rags. She held it defensivly, and darted away from the Barbarian.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!" She shouted, having switched personalities back to her default insane mother personality. She threw a small ball of fire towards the barbarian, but she had thrown a little too far to the right, and it struck the wall. The old dry paper went up in flames.

*poke* Edward the doll had poked the barbarian with his dagger to draw his attention back down to it. That being done, he he swung with all his might for the only thing he could reach, the Barbarian's feet.

[The Barbarian]

The doll had poked Tyrael somewhat rudely, even for a barbarian. It’s next attack had followed the burning of the wall, which had momentarily caught his attention. As he raised his foot quickly to avoid the swipe, he noticed the fire spreading slowly along the next wall and bits were licking at the ceiling. He felt like the monks had played a dirty trick on him and he had walked into a suicide match.

Her words had just registered into his head and he back peddled quickly, short sword in hand. “You one crazy bitch!” The bundle of rags she held defensively displayed how important they were to her, but he was wondering what else she might be hiding amongst the dolls, like a deadly weapon for one.

Or anotha’ stupid baby…

The fingers on his left hand fiddled with each other nervously, his next move still undecided. His mother had always said crazy people deserved respect and patience, but she never mentioned what to do when they were setting shit on fire around you. Thanks Ma, ya missed this section.

So instead of attacking the crazed girl first, he looked to his left, lopped of the head of a large, smiling lumberjack doll, and hurled the heavy solid wood sphere at the toy ahead of him. He was going to try and eliminate every possible distraction so he could deal with this chick like a military man. Not some whiny pansy. Barbarian’s were shoot first, ask later.

[Aiko]

Edward spun around and fell on the floor. He picked himself up and went for another swing.

Meanwhile, Aiko must've known on some level that Ragbaby was after all, only a bundle of Rags. As she dropped them and rolled to the side to avoid the Heavy wooden Sphere, she dropped ragbaby. A Spark from the nearby inferno caught it on fire.

A look of relief came over Aiko's eyes, intermingled with a curious gratitude that now that the fake baby was gone, maybe she could move on towards dealing with the loss of her real baby.

But all that lasted only seconds, as the broken personalities attached to that bundle of rags realised it was no more.
All traces of sanity left her eyes, thirst for his death clearly evident in her eyes. In many respects, she was a mother who had just lost her baby. Her hand plunged into the burning dolls and pulled out her old Rusty Mace, which had amazingly escaped the fire thus far.

She rushed The barbarian in front of her and swung her mace with ever fibre of strength within her, intensified by a sudden rush of adrenaline.

"YOU KILLED MY BABY!" She screamed in a fury, she screamed more words at him, but they were gibberish, though Some words were actually curse and swear words.

[The Barbarian]

The doll was surprisingly resilient to blunt object impact and Tyrael made a mental note of it. He’d make sure to burn it or hack it to pieces with his Azurewrath later. The bastard sword seemed pleased by this idea, the spiritual energies rising with approval.

Easily dodging the second attack by the tiny terror, he grabbed the decapitated dummy and hurled it at the toy. He was intending to slow it down for the moment, since he could see the woman’s psyche twisting faster than a tornado. Her eyes burned with fury which set off a small alarm in the back of the barbarian’s head. Instinctively, he began to survey the area quickly and noticed that many of the dolls seemed to be fire resistant, repelling the flames that licked at their forever smiling or frowning faces. It was almost creepy, seeing the shadows dance around their lifeless eyes, all which seemed to share an interest in the warrior.

Upon hearing her sudden scream of anger, which snapped him out of his thoughtful notice of the scary statues, he grunted as he brought up his left arm, blocking the mace with his delhar armguard. The clang reverberated through his body, sending a mild pain through his bones. Glaring at her with his deep, glowing eyes, he raised his sword and made an attempt to strike her in the throat with the hilt of his short sword. If it worked, she would be at the very least on her knees, choking violently, giving him a second to figure out how to end this without cutting her to ribbons or before the flames ate all the paper in the doll house.

[Aiko]

Finally, the Dolls began to burn. Edward jumped through the air, climbving on Aiko, and blocked the Blade with his Doll body. His had rolled into her Kimono and got stuck. His body clattered into one of her large side pockets.

Aiko was about to strike again, when she noticed the ceiling was moments from caving in. She leaped upon Tyreal with such fierocity that surely he would be thrown backwards, which would be a good thing, because the area where she was collapsed. She got off him and fled down the halls, to the largest area of the Dollhouse, the living room. Sparsly decorated with wooden furniture, someone had forseen the possibility of Aiko's fire ragingt out of control, for the Living Room had the unique feature of being surrounded on all sides by a waterfall. It was on the far side of the house, so it was understandible that none had heard it before. She held her mace at the ready, waiting for her opponet to return, and the second he stepped through the water, she would strike him with her mace. At least ideally that's how it would happen, but, very few things were ever ideal in a battle.

[The Barbarian]

The force of her leap of faith from his back was a bit surprising. It was at this point he had made his decision, as he let the pressure throw him forward and continued into a roll across the room, past the staring dummies, and out of harms way of the burning ceiling. Bits of ash fell slowly to the ground, some of them still lightly on fire, turning the area almost into a slow motion sequence, serene and calming for just a moment.

As he came out of the roll and did the normal reaction of using his back to steady himself against the wall. In a perfect world, the solid mass would've had him sitting up, gazing at the burning room ahead of him and the odd woman flailing about into the next one.

Instead he tore through the paper wall like a rock breaking through thin glass. Landing hard and unprepared on his back, he lost his breath for a second and cursed mentally, the lack of oxygen in his lungs forcing his vulgar mouth quiet.

Goddamnbitchcuntwhorefuckinshit!

Feeling a little better, he sat up quickly and noticed he'd landed on an raised step, which was the cause of his pain. They were stairs that led to a second level and he figured higher ground would mean a quick victory. She probably assumed he'd follow her, but how could he if his path was ablaze? Dusting himself off and sheathing his sword, he ran up the steps two at a time, bounding like a gazelle. His was big, but graceful for his size.

It would probably be more accurate to say he charged like a moose.

The steps blurred past his feet in a beige haze, the now solid plaster walls cracked from "years" of neglect and abuse. As he reached the top of the stairs, he saw the gradual shift from plaster walls to more elegantly tiled emerald and gold patterns ahead of him. Even the floors were made of jade, the brilliant green and snow swirls almost made his dizzy. He thought with a slight grin, The monks really like detail.

It made him wonder if the arena was made entirely before hand, or as the fighters moved around it. Was good was it to create something like this is Tyrael had gone and killed the woman right at the start? He would've never seen any of this. The thought sparked a train of worries in his own head, about his destiny and mission. Was he the product of fate and everything was set in stone? Or did he have a say in helping his family, friends, and race?

The sounds of a waterfall brought him out of his trance and he frowned. Why was there a waterfall in a house? He peeked around an emerald corner and saw not one, but four huge waterwalls. He know the fire would never reach inside the center of this aquatic barrier, but he knew it wouldn't try like hell. It could still cave in the ceiling or eat up the ground from undeneath the small area. But was she even here?

A figure shimmered from beneath the veil of water and he sighed. She was holding something up, as if ready to club him as he ran through the door. It was time to end this crap. He had come here looking for a challenge and had only gotten a slight insight on what his subsconscious was thinking and a back ache. Unsheathing his Azurewrath, he gripped the bastard sword tightly, knowing fool well a loose grip could mean a sloppy strike with his next move.

"Berseker..." he growled underneath his breath. His speed jumped up and he knew the woman could not have heard it from the sound of the crashing falls all around her. Hell, he wasn't even sure if she'd know he was there until her head was gone. As he ran and leapt off the edge of the second level and tore through the waterfall with deadly accuracy, he roared as he swung the sword over his head, aiming for the center of her skull.

[Aiko]

Aiko stood waiting for her opponet to come crashing through the falls.

As he jumped down from the second floor, she saw his shadow, and foolishly looked up. Time seemed to slow down to an imperceptibly slow pace, and all things with it.

She wanted to move, she tried to move, but was frozen in place in fear.

As the sword moved towards her unprotected upturned face, her life flashed before her eyes, and then the sword puried itself in her skull.

The spark of life left her eyes and she toppled to the floor lifeless.

Everything was growing dim in Aiko's eyes, but she also saw a single spark of light, and in the light, she saw her daughter, her real daughter, holding her hands out to her mother.

"Calbrena." Aiko whispered, her hand outstretched to something that wasn't really there. then her hand dropped and she moved no more.

An undefined period of time later....

Aiko awoke in a room. There was a Monk in there with her. In fact, it was the same monk that helped her in the first place.

"Are you feeling better now?" The monk asked.

"I lost her. I lost my daughter. I lost my precious Calbrena. My poor little baby." Aiko sobbed. She threw her arms around the monk and cried on his shoulder.

"Not all things are lost forever. That which is gone can return to you again, but only if you return to the past and face that which took her from you in the first place. You must be strong though, and not let these empty people cloud your mind, these false beings that from time to time take over your persona. you must decide which is more important, not facing that which you fear and dread the most, or your daughter." The monk said.

Aiko just continued to cry on the man's shoulder.

Eventually she could cry no more.

"There now. I think this experience has helped you a little" The monk said.

Showing her out of the citadel, he waved as she left, going for who knows where.

the monk sighed.

If she only knew. He thought.

(((OOC: After you tie up the loose ends with your character, you can submit this unless you want me to.)))

[The Barbarian]

With a shuck of his sword, he dislodged the blade from her skull and spat on the ground. This was no real victory. Not even a challenge. Her insane mind had led to her downfall, predicting events that couldn’t possibly come true and oblivious to the ones that would. He glared angrily at her corpse as the blood dribbling down into the small rivers that the waterfalls were crashing into, the streaks of pink and crimson spreading like a poison in his mind.

“Damn bitch…” he said, half pity, half frustration.

When it became clear the only option was to kill, even as a barbarian, he sometimes hated having to kill those who had left the lights on in the house, but kept it empty. Wondering what was taking the monks so long to take them from their battle, he ran his sword under an arc of water and cleaned his blade. It hummed sympathetically back at him, trying to console his wounds.

Yea…thanks.

This wasn’t his mission, to kill crazy women; but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had murdered her in cold blood. Doing his best to shrug it off, he roared, “IT”S OVER!!!”

In a flash of brilliant white light, the room vanished, along with his sin.

***

He willed his fingers to stop fidgeting as he waved to a new monk at the desk. Tyrael would have to find someone who could help his goals come true and possibly justify his actions. Although the girl would be revived, he was worried for the ones that would get in his way on the other parts of Althanas.

The ones that would stay dead.

He pushed through the doors with a heavy heart, displeased with his newfound sense of cold-blooded killing he had developed from his experiences on this world. I’ll figure this out. I can control these emotions…the ends justify the means.

…Right?

((OOC: Yea, I'll submit it.))

[Christoph]

General notes: Sorry that this took so long. I don’t tend to talk much before hand, opting to let the judgment speak for itself.

Aiko’s score will be in red and Barbarian’s will be in blue

Continuity: 3 / 5

Aiko: I was really confused with why your character was at the Citadel in the first place. There was something of a reason presented that, while it didn’t really make any sense, can be attributed to the fact that your character isn’t all there mentally. I didn’t get any idea of where this fit into any kind of larger story, and I was left with little idea of what was going to happen next. Overall, it was very confusing. Remember, everything makes more sense to you than it does to the reader.

Barbarian: I got a little more of an idea from you. Tyrael had a reason for being there, even if it was only to practice. There were some bits and pieces of a larger story, but little more than that. Who are the Red Hand?


Setting: 6 / 6
It was an interesting setting, definitely not your usual grassy field. More could have been done and described, especially when the place was on fire. Other than that, I found it hard to keep the environment straight. Try re-reading your posts and asking yourself if a certain description would make sense to someone else.


Pacing: 4 / 5
The overall pacing was… odd. The start seemed a bit awkward and the climax could have been done better. The main problem there is linked to continuity because I didn’t really grasp the significance of the whole thing. Barbarian: I’m giving you the advantage here because your posts generally flowed better.


Dialogue: 5 / 7

Aiko: You’re character’s dialogue seemed to fit her general insanity reasonably well. My major concerns are that it was a little over the top and repetitive. Try to work on making your dialogue more realistic and original. There’s some potential here.

Barbarian: This was definitely a strong point for you. Your character’s dialogue seemed more realistic to me. It wasn’t repetitive and he didn’t speak like a Harvard graduate. Nice work.


Action: 4 / 6
There wasn’t much special here. Aiko: your character’s actions were often hard to follow, but I’ll touch on that again in Clarity. Barbarian: again, about average. I liked the little things that you added, such at Tyrael fidgeting from time to time.


Persona: 6 / 6
I liked the conflicting character types. The primary difference was that Barbarian was of sound mind and Aiko was completely insane. Barbarian: I would still have liked more from you. Really try to show the reader who your character. Aiko: You overplayed her insanity a bit, and it came off as repetitive. See dialogue.


Mechanics: 3/7

Aiko: Your posts had quite a few typos that some proofreading would catch. Also, make sure that you’re using capital letters appropriately. Several times you either capitalized non-proper nouns or you forgot to capitalize the first words in sentences.

Barbarian: Everything seems in order here. There were little typos here and there, but nothing major.


Technique: 3 / 5

Aiko: Never ever, ever use *asterisks* for actions on a forum. Other than that, your style was a bit choppy and lacked vivid details and descriptions. Practice, practice, practice. You have some potential with this character. If you can develop a solid style, your scores will shoot up dramatically. Focus first on describing things with more detail. The rest should fall into place as you go.

Barbarian: You have a decent style. There wasn’t much in the way of higher literary techniques, but you’ve got good soil, if I may make a metaphor, so planting some flowers in shouldn’t be hard. The same goes for you with descriptions. Be vivid and graphic. Put the reader into the world.


Clarity: 4 / 5

I really had a hard time following what was going on throughout this thread. Most of this stems from the lack of solid details. When you’re fighting in an odd arena like this, it is absolutely crucial to describe in clearly so the reader understands what’s going on. I gave Barbarian the advantage here because I found his posts easier to read.


Wild Card: 7 / 6
It was an interesting little battle. It wasn’t amazing, but it definitely has some merit and potential. Keep writing and work on the things that I mentioned and you’ll see better results. An advantage goes to you, Aiko, because your character was just creepy.

Final Scores:

Aiko: 45
Barbarian: 58

Barbarian is the winner!

Barbarian gains 788 Exp, 300 GP, and the dismembered arm of a doll that was found randomly grabbing your hair. Creepy.

Aiko gains 150 Exp, 130 GP, and a new doll named Steve. He’s missing an arm, and does not have any magical properties yet.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.