A Battle in the Roman Colleseum (Closed)

[Destrudo]

A nice pleasant day at the citadel. Birds were chirping happily, people came and went, some victors, some losers, the rest were the monks of Aibrone.
Silence seemed to decend rather quickly as a new combatant made his way to the Citadel. He was an imposing, if not frightening sight, being seven feet tall. His muscels were as oversized as he was. He wore Black leather, and all around him was a Crimson aura. It matched his hair and eyes. His skin was unnaturally white, as though he had spent much of his life in darkness.
He spied the monks going to and fro. One particularly tall brother walked over to the newcomer.

"You seem ready for a challenge." The Monk said.
"Heh, are you strong? I desire Death and destruction. I want blood, and gore. I wish to inflict pain and suffering on all around me, and soon I shall. I want your strongest warrior to meet me in battle, as the Gladiators did at The Roman Colleseum, there to battle to the death, for only the strong deserve to live." Destrudo said, grabbing the Monk by his robes and lifting him off the ground. Many people gasped in shock. There were some things you just did not do, even as a villain.

"I can help you with this, but if you do not set me back down and release me, I will rip your arms from their sockets and beat you to death with with them, then let you rot away on the steps. Do you understand me?" The monk said quietly. You could've heard a pin drop a mile away it was so quiet.

Appearently Destrudo understood the monk, because he set him down and released him.

"Heh, your strong, don't disapoint me, or I'll have to find out if you can back your threats up." Destrudo said. His voice, there was something unnatural about it. Many people decided now would be a good time to leave. The monk looked at his brothers and smiled. He lead Destrudo through corridors and up the floors of the Citadel, and into a room.

Destrudo walked through the inky blackness, and squinted as the light of noon hit him. Time seemed frozen in place, as a sparrow high in the sky never once moved, just a frozen blur of motion.

Destrudo found himself in The Colleseum of Rome, and he walked around looking at its design, its world famous Architecture surrounding him from all sides. It was 48 meters tall, 189 meters long, and 156 meters wide. It was the first amphitheatre to be entirely freestanding, having been constructed on flat ground, instead of into a hillside or natural depression. The Outer wall was 545 Meters long and constructed with over 100,000 Cubic Meters of Travertine Stone and held together by 300 Iron Clamps.

The Outer Wall's monumental façade comprised three stories of superimposed arcades surmounted by a podium on which stood a tall attic, both of which were pierced by windows interspersed at regular intervals. The arcades were framed by half-columns of the Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian orders, while the attic was decorated with Corinthian pilasters. Each of the arches in the second- and third-floor arcades framed statues, honoring divinities and other figures from Classical mythology.

Two hundred and forty mast corbels were positioned around the top of the attic. They supported a retractable awning, known as the velarium, that kept the sun and rain off spectators. This consisted of a canvas-covered, net-like structure made of ropes, with a hole in the center. It covered two-thirds of the arena, and sloped down towards the center to catch the wind and provide a breeze for the audience.

They were seated in a tiered arrangement that reflected the rigidly stratified nature of Roman society. Special boxes were provided at the north and south ends respectively for the Emperor and the Vestal Virgins, providing the best views of the arena. Flanking them at the same level was a broad platform or podium for the senatorial class, who were allowed to bring their own chairs.

The tier above the senators, known as the maenianum primum, was occupied by the non-senatorial noble class or knights. The next level up, the maenianum secundum, was reserved for ordinary Roman citizens and was divided into two sections. The lower part (the immum) was for wealthy citizens, while the upper part (the summum) was for poor citizens. Specific sectors were provided for other social groups: for instance, boys with their tutors, soldiers on leave, foreign dignitaries, scribes, heralds, priests and so on. Stone seating was provided for the citizens and nobles, who brought their own cushions with them. Inscriptions identified the areas reserved for specific groups.

Each tier was divided into sections (maeniana) by curved passages and low walls (praecinctiones), and were subdivided into cunei, or wedges, by the steps and aisles from the vomitoria. Each row (gradus) of seats was numbered, permitting each individual seat to be exactly designated by its gradus, cuneus, and number.

The arena itself was 83 metres by 48 metres. It comprised a wooden floor covered by sand, covering an elaborate underground structure called the hypogeum. It consisted of a two-level subterranean network of tunnels and cages beneath the arena where gladiators and animals were held before contests began. Eighty vertical shafts provided instant access to the arena for caged animals and scenery pieces concealed underneath; larger hinged platforms, called hegmata, provided access for elephants and the like.

Destrudo looked closer at the citizens of Rome and their emporer, they were all Transparent, as though they were Ghosts. He looked and estimated roughly 50,000 of them, all of them ghostly copies of The Monks and random Althanian citizens. Emporer Vespasian was the real Imperator Caesar Vespasianus Augustus, though he too was a ghostly Transparent.

Destrudo was impressed at the level of detail these monks could accomplish.

He waited in the center of the Arena for his opponet.

[Christina Bredith]

Christina Bredith would probably not be the first person in Corone who could tell you not to mess with the warrior monks of Ai’brone. Things of legends, those men were: beasts in combat possessing unsurpassed illusionary and restorative abilities, enough to make people often whisper about where they had come from and what their real purpose was. Of course, Christina would also not be the first person to ask.

It was an unusual tradition that the monks were, despite their awe-inspiring abilities, quite pacifistic, and more than happy to let the Citadel’s patrons do the heavy lifting – that was, after all, precisely what brought them into its walls. And so, when a budding young competitor physically threatened a monk, the sons of Ai’Brone did not take up arms against him. Where would be the sport in that? No – instead, they granted the man’s request, and cast their gazes outward to search for one of the nation’s finer warriors.

Perhaps fittingly, for the monks themselves often looked like little more than feeble, balding men, this warrior took the shape of a pretty young woman only a few years older than Destrudo. Her hair was a river of gold tumbling playfully down her shoulders and back, and the face it framed was inlaid with the most alluring and peculiar argent eyes you had ever seen. The scent that followed this buxom maiden was not unlike that of an orchard in full bloom, fragrant but not overpowering.

As Christina finally strode forth from the subterrane, the sunlight gleamed proudly off the thin golden tracings on her red jacket, a military uniform with a uniquely feminine touch. Hanging from her waist was a rather dull leather scabbard. It obscured a blade, the only visible part of which was a hilt and cross guard with the shattered remnant of what was once a no-doubt flawless red jewel on the pommel. This fragment, too, caught the light, and gleamed peculiarly like fresh blood and fine wine at the same time, matching the exotic shade of her painted lips.

The woman’s opponent would have been easy enough to find even if the colosseum’s arena wasn’t markedly devoid of obstacles. She had to admit, Destrudo was a rather hulking mass of flesh, but even the scarlet aura that bellowed from his very skin was not enough to deter her. It was easy to picture him bullying the monks – he stood a good two feet taller than many of them – but that in itself was a poor indicator of his abilities. Ironically enough, those same monks acutely and constantly demonstrated that those with true strength do not find need to flaunt it.

The scene unfolding on the arena floor must have been unusual to witness for the ghostly spectators: Destrudo was a hulking tower of malice, while Christina brilliantly played the part of the innocent, pretty lady-warrior. Her expression was difficult to read, though: she did not enter with obvious naiveté on her face, but neither did she look so serious that she seemed about to burst from concentration. Still, one thing was abundantly obvious to the crowd, and this pleased them: the blonde gladiator was reaching for her blade. She was ready to fight.

“I hear you've been picking on those sweet, harmless old men,” Christina admonished once she was within earshot of her opponent. It was difficult to ignore the growing coldness in the air as she approached, as though she would soon be unable to recall even her happiest memories. For now, at least, she could not let this dissuade her. A light smirk tugged at her features and she revealed Rosebite, the gleaming damascus weapon with coloured rune-gems decorating its flat.

“If that's your game," she continued with waspish amusement, "I should be right up your alley."

[Destrudo]

The Crowd was cheering, appearently they could see the two of them getting ready to fight. Destrudo smiled, and cracked his knuckles.

"Heh, are you strong? we shall soon find out, but now come, let us bow before the Emporer, it would be impolite to do otherwise." Destrudo said, his voice causing most of the audience to be silent. Destrudo turned and bowed to the Emporer, and whether Christina did or not, he did not care. He happened to have seen creatures in the area beneath them, and he suspected The Emporer might decide to randomly use one of them if he got bored of the battle. Bowing at least might sway his decision to be merciful in this event.

Afterwards, he turned to Christina, and smiled again.

The Emporer gave the sign to start, and Heralds blow their horns signaling the start, the crowd cheering. Before they could even finish Destrudo Rushed in close and aimed three puches at Christina, one for the Right Shoulder, one for the left shoulder, and an Uppercut for the Jaw, finishing with a powerful Kick to the Midsection.

[Christina Bredith]

Christina raised an eyebrow at her opponent’s uncharacteristically polite words, and ignored the impulse to venture that, since the emperor and his audience were all quite obviously dead, they really wouldn’t care whether she bowed to them or not. It wasn’t worth the expended energy to provoke her opponent so early into the match, though, so she obliged, bowing only as long as Destrudo did to avoid the possibility that he was forcing her into an unguarded state. When in Rome…

Destrudo certainly wasted no time in attacking once the horns had blown, but it wasn’t his speed that caught Christina off-guard. It was that aura, or perhaps something in his voice, that made the whole world seem somewhat less comfortable. This had caused only a momentary lapse in Christina’s judgment, but it was enough that her pale opponent’s punch connected squarely with her right shoulder. This spun her body slightly clockwise, in such a way that she was more easily able to step away from his second punch now that she was ready for it, even if the attack had caused a tingling sensation when it connected. Now standing with her body completely perpendicular to Destrudo’s, it was an easy task to hop backward and allow his uppercut to sail harmlessly past her polished nose.

When he aimed a kick at her midsection, it was time to retaliate. Everything was happening too quickly for her to react with Rosebite, but she was able to use her free hand to impede Destrudo’s leg, and then force it away using her full strength. Turning quickly on her pointed heel, she lashed out at the man with a frontward kick aimed at his stomach, but whether it connected was inconsequential: she had created a much-needed gap that would give her a little time to react to Destrudo’s next move, and launch a counterattack of her own.

Christina’s strongest advantage here, she knew, was that Rosebite could be used as effectively at long range as it could in close combat. Destrudo’s fists – as far as she had gathered so far – could not. Keeping that distance between them would give her an early advantage before closing in for the kill. Even then, she was sure that a swordswoman would have a clear advantage over an unarmed combatant.

“I don’t like hitting unarmed men,” she boasted, massaging her right shoulder gently, “but fifty thousand people would like to see me make an exception. I hope emasculation isn’t a big problem for you.”

The blonde flourished her weapon suddenly, directing its tip at Destrudo’s chest. In a crystal clear voice she cried, “Scream, Rosebite!” A silvery gem near the tip of the sword flared to life along with the orange rune carved within. Rosebite’s entire length flashed brilliant blue for a second, and then a bolt of pure energy raced forward. If it connected, it would do so with all the grace of an elephant in heat: a good, hard smack to the ribs and a theft of air from the lungs.

At the very least, the crowd seemed pleased. Brutality had commenced, just as between legions of others in the long history of this arena. As they say, when in Rome…

[Destrudo]

When Christina tried to kick him in the Midsection, he chuckled and laughed openly as he caught her foot, held on tight, and smashed his Elbow down on her Kneecap hard enough to shatter the entire Kneejoint, and if this attack worked, it would effectivly cripple her. Then the Light Hit hit him and the air left his lungs. He was surprised, and his chest was sore. He went down to his knees.

In his minds eye, The Shadows moved, and enveloped Christina. He could hear his Father's mocking laugh.

"What's the matter boy, are you so weak your going to let a mere woman take you down?"

Destrudo stood, the air restored to his lungs. Christina could see rage building in his face.

"You might be my father, but I killed you once you Son of a bitch and I can kill you again. I will not be defeated so Easily. I'm not as weak as you think I am." He yelled, speaking in Christina's Direction, Of course he wasn't speaking to Christina, he was speaking to the Delusional image had had placed over Christina in his mind.

His Red Aura was rippling, and he moved with all the extra speed an Adreniline rush could give. He went to deliver a Roundhouse kick straight to Christina's Head.

[Christina Bredith]

Admittedly, Destrudo’s attack had taken Christina by surprise, but because her kick was little more than an attempt to distance herself from her opponent, his crushing elbow ended up doing little more than grazing her shin as she managed to struggle away from his grasp by twisting her body and flourishing Rosebite. She was, after all, kicking herself backward more than rushing forward with the attack. Better yet, her Sonic Sable had connected, knocking the wind out of her opponent momentarily and putting yet more space between the two fighters.

Christina’s contemplation of her next move was immediate, but it was halted by a most peculiar behaviour in Destrudo: he was talking to her, threatening her, and strangest of all, calling her his father. “Good gracious,” she whispered to herself, absolutely bewildered. “Batty as a drunken dwarf.” The woman shook her head in disapproval and disbelief.

However, there was, as always, little time for pondering her opponent’s newfound insanity, as he rushed forward immediately to press another attack. “And as dangerous as one, too!” Briefly curse herself though she did for having given Destrudo those three seconds of senseless dialogue in the first place, she quickly noticed a gaping hole in his offense. The wraith’s leg was aimed high, so much so that Christina was able to easily duck underneath it and suffer no more damage than a couple of split-ended hairs.

She wasn’t about to lose this advantage, and did Destrudo one better. As she ducked, Christina’s body spun, and she swept a wide arc through the low air with Rosebite. The blade bit at the leg upon which her opponent was balanced, and it was her intent to strike him before he could finish his kick, knocking his calf right out from under him.

Not pausing to witness the outcome of her gambit, Christina rolled forward as soon as her back was to Destrudo, which was about halfway through her own spin. Even if Rosebite hadn’t connected as she had hoped – even if Destrudo possessed some inhuman reflexes that she had not counted on – he would have at least had to pull off some uncanny dodge that would have given her an opening to put more space between them. That space was exactly and solely what she needed.

“Rumble, Rosebite!” This time an amber gemstone further down the blade flickered to life, and as Christina stood upright again, she spun once more to face Destrudo and slammed the tip of the blade into the dusty colosseum floor. The ground shuddered briefly in a shockwave with Rosebite at its centre; it wasn’t enough to cause any damage to the surroundings, but it certainly took a few nearby spectators off their guard, and Christina knew it might do the same to an unsuspecting Destrudo.

That was not the crux of this maneuver, however: soon afterwards, the ground in front of her opponent unveiled a spire of thorny vines. These jutted directly out of the sand and wood, as if by magic; they were twisted around one another to form a deadly-sharp point at their tip, and within a second of their appearance, they had lashed out at Destrudo’s chest, a scorpion’s tail masquerading as pretty, flowering rose-vines.

[Destrudo]

It did hit his leg, but he was protected by any real damage by his leather pants. He chuckled.

As the ground rumbled Destrudo leaped away into the stands, hearing a gate open. The Rumble may not have caused any damage, but it was enough to loosen open one of the gates in the floor, and from this Gate came a pack of hungry lions. These were not imaginary lions like the audience and Emporer, these were real flesh and blood Lion Clones, and they really could cause damage. However they were met by the rose vine that was striking out in Destrudo's direction, it brought one lion clone down, leaving two more on either side of Christina, and they were seconds away from pouncing.

Destrudo meanwhile went to the senator's gallery and threw a ghostly senator out of his plain wooden chair. He leaped down on the ground, and rushed over to smash her over the back of the head with it.
The Emporer was on the edge of his throne.

OOC: note that one good attack will easily dispatch a Clone Lion. The Creatures that randomly come out are more or less one hit wonders designed to be a distraction. Make no mistake, they can kill if you let them, but their primary purpose is distraction. Destrudo will be faced with some distraction's too.

[Christina Bredith]

Christina could only chuckle at the unexpected turn of events by which her Rumbling Rose had agitated and released three lions from their subterranean chambers. Two of them were prowling the arena, circling her as they prepared for their strike; the third was nothing more than a mangled corpse dangling atop a flowering spire of thorny vines. Blood trickled down the green, twisted spears, and the buds that were blossoming thereon seemed to drink it up almost happily.

“Pretty kitties,” the blonde warrior crooned, holding Rosebite again at her side. Naturally, the lions were not soothed. “You picked the wrong mouse to play with today.” She held the weapon aloft and said, with a triumphant, unaffected smile, “This one has teeth. Scatter, Rosebite!”

A ruby inlaid with another peculiar orange rune heeded Christina’s crystalline command, and on cue, Rosebite’s blade actually seemed to melt away. In its place, shards of metal danced around Christina as if upon the wind, and the way they glimmered in the sunlight, one might easily think them to be rose petals. The vast cloud of tiny fragments swirled slowly around Christina for a moment; the lions became interested and agitated by this new development. But as soon as they pounced, the swirling cloud increased slightly in intensity and spread itself out so that Christina was obscured within a vortex of beautiful carnage. Heavy cheers erupted from the crowd; the storm of petal-like blades tore into the lions as soon as they made contact, shredding their flesh and spraying blood in generous amounts behind them.

The gladiator of the roses barely even needed to move to thwart Destrudo’s next attack; in fact, she didn’t even need to see him at all. As her furious blade-storm died down, she noted that he was nowhere to be seen in front of her or in her peripheral vision. However, his footsteps could indeed be heard, and the crowd was not crying out in a way that would suggest disapproval at his disappearance. Therefore, there was but one avenue of attack available to him: her blind backside – or what he thought was her blind backside.

“Pretty crude, white boy,” she taunted. “But I guess tact is out the window at this point, huh?” Her argent eyes slid left and her head followed, catching the shredded remains of one of the lions. She was not able to see Destrudo, but she could definitely hear him. The cloud of metal shards immediately regrouped and gathered behind Christina; each shard hovered in place and spun furiously as if to shred the air itself. Upon contact, Destrudo would be mangled horribly; if he was able to react in time and step around the mincing barrier, Christina would have time to adjust to the change in plans and counter yet again.

The vixen had to admit, this was pretty fun. Destrudo was as stubborn as a high elf (and his arrogance wouldn’t exactly embarrass them, either), but she could tell he was too headstrong. She couldn’t wait to see how many tricks she would be able to pull out of her bag before this was all over. The monks of Ai’brone had been right in choosing this defender of Corone as their blade.

[Destrudo]

OOC: I must admit, this is the most fun I've ever had on the business end of an asskicking.

IC:

Destrudo couldn't stop in time to sidestep the barrier, so he increased his speed and charged into it throwing the chair off to the side. He gritted his teeth in pain as he reached through the barrier of shards to grab Christina by her Hair and throat. As Christina herself had noted he was stubborn and rather headstrong.

If he managed to grab her he would left her and turn 90 degrees to the side and slam her down spine first on the chair.

Otherwise he would fall over backwards from the unslaught of the shards.

Either way he rose to his feet quickly as a Bengal Tiger roared as it leaped upon him for an attack.

He grabbed the tiger in a headlock and proceeeded to literally rip the Tiger's head off its body.

He turned to Christina, the Crowd on its feet cheering, even the Emporer was on his feet. What would it take to bring down this strange beast of a man permanently? He was bleeding from many points on his body, and still he refused to go down. He hurled the Tiger's jead at Christina, and then grabbed it by the tail, swinging it at her to strike with its powerful claws, as their danced through the air.

It was clear though, even to the Emporer and the Ghostly spectators that Destrudo was on his last legs and attacking desperatly.

[Christina Bredith]

If there was one thing Christina had underestimated in this battle, it was the one thing she thought she was right on top of: just how headstrong Destrudo was. Not in a million years would she believe he might actually try and charge right through her barrier of grinding metal shards! It was a ballsy move: Destrudo would have to suffer some serious damage from that bit of foolishness, because these fragments were made of damascus, one of the best weapon-metals out there. Even so, Christina would later admit that the boy had probably found the cleverest solution to his predicament.

The blonde warrior had fully anticipated that Destrudo would weave around the blood-red wall, and that was what she was prepared for. The initial sound of little spinning blades quite noisily tearing through flesh was a bit of a surprise, but when she felt a fistful of her hair become wrapped between Destrudo’s fingers from behind, her concentration was shattered as completely as Rosebite was. At that moment, the shard-wall shuddered and fell out of formation, and then the hundreds of tiny blades danced through the air and reformed into Rosebite’s blade.

The next thing she knew was a moment of weightlessness followed by wave after wave of pain. Her body had been slammed onto the chair Destrudo was previously attempting to use as a weapon, and it was only because of her own frantic squirming that she was able to avoid what might have been a fatal spinal fragmentation. Even as it was, she was sporting a painful bruise near the back of the left side of her abdomen where the rings of chainmail had dug into her skin. Struggling to pick herself up off the floor, Christina noted that she had been granted a momentary but well-appreciated reprieve by a tiger that was now being ravaged by Destrudo’s firm hands.

By the time Christina was on her feet again, her opponent had deftly and brutally eviscerated the offending distraction. She batted aside the lobbed head with her newly-reformed Rosebite, and stepped back carefully as Destrudo began swinging the tiger’s bloody corpse like a morning star. He would not be able to advance too quickly with such a heavy load, but neither would she be able to easily get near him with such a heavy beast protecting him. While the easiest solution would probably be to wait until the great cat’s tail was ripped off, she didn’t really have that kind of time, and besides, it wasn’t her style.

Blood continued to pour from the tiger’s decapitated body as it spun, and try though she did to avoid it, it was inevitable that some of it would splash across her mother’s army uniform; though it could barely be seen against the red, it had still marred the immaculately beautiful gold patterns that decorated it. That, of course, was the last straw.

“Oh, you’ve done it now,” Christina hissed. She took a definitive step backwards and flourished Rosebite, crying, “Snare, Rosebite!” An emerald gem flickered to life, blindingly bright as it was catalyzed by Christina’s passionate fury. The ground all around Destrudo rumbled angrily, and no sooner than it had begun, a flurry of ropey vines sprung forth and lashed inwards at him. They sought to bind his legs, his arms, wrap around any inch of his body that they could find, and immobilize him; with the heavy tiger being swung ‘round his head, Christina hoped he would have no chance to evade this attack. Then it would just be a matter of dealing the final blow, and spilling enough blood to make up for this affront to her mother’s memory – not to mention her wardrobe.

[Destrudo]

As the Vines sprang on him, Destrudo dropped his makeshift Tiger Weapon in surprise. The Vines tangled him so completly it was difficult to move. A fighter to the very end, he refused to admit defeat, and struggled against the vines with all his might intending to rip them from the ground, and then rip Christina's head off her shoulders like he did the Tiger, he even said so.

"When I'm free of these vines I'm gonna rip your head off and feast upon your still beating heart." He said.

As the first few of the weaker vines snapped, he grinned a frightful grin that carried no sign of friendship.

Now was her chance, and the audience knew it. They had quieted to a stilled hush.

[Christina Bredith]

Christina was sufficiently pleased; she had never been able to use her Hanging Garden technique with as much success as she had here, but of course, she had never had the good fortune to fight an enemy who used a tiger carcass as a weapon despite its encumbrance. She knew as well as the entire audience did that this battle was about to finish. At this point, it was about more than amusement: Destrudo had proven himself to be a dangerous and unbalanced human being during this battle, and she had since taken it upon herself to put him in his place and demonstrate that his chaotic tendencies would not get him far in the wide world of Althanas. No, this was no longer a battle simply to defend the honour of the monks of Ai’Brone, nor was it for sheer pleasure; this was a lesson in responsibility.

Destrudo was having little trouble pulling the vines from the ground, but his efforts were too little and they came too late. He had been captured so completely that it would take him far too long to completely rid himself of their embrace. Before that time came, Christina would make sure he was utterly defeated. She approached him, a smirk tugging at her polished lips, and her silver eyes sparkled victoriously as she spoke. “Will you, now? I’d like to see you try, kiddo – but wait, you’ve been trying all this time, haven’t you? Look where that’s gotten you.”

Christina stepped back a foot or two, to give herself sufficient room to brandish Rosebite. She twirled the damascus blade a little in her hand – showmanship for the crowd, of course, and not unlike a lion’s anticipation of its glorious kill – and then pointed it at her struggling opponent. “I’m not the strongest foe you’ll attempt to subdue,” she told him, “and the monks won’t always be around to fix your boo-boos after the fight. You’ll soon learn that an attitude like that won’t get you far in this world. But maybe you’ll have a little more luck in hell – scatter, Rosebite!”

Once again, the blade of the damascus weapon melted away into shards that danced upon a gentle, unfelt breeze. Christina stood still, mere feet from Destrudo, and conducted the cloud of shimmering red petals with her mind. In response, they spun elegantly around their prey, rising into a towering spire that drew sharp breaths from the crowd. The finish was as gruesome as it was beautiful: the storm suddenly and rapidly closed in on its prey, each shard descending towards Destrudo like a bloodthirsty wasp.

Christina had not even given her opponent the honour of watching his defeat. She was already walking to the arena’s exit by the time the voices of the crowd rose to their fever pitch again. Rosebite’s blood-red shards formed a billowing, ghost-like tail as they reformed the weapon’s blade. Truth be told, the young warrior had not really wanted to witness what she was sure would be an uncomfortable death, even if the monks would reverse the damage within minutes; it was enough to know that the deed was done, and to pray that Destrudo would at least think twice before picking on his next victim.

[Destrudo]

As the shards bit into him and ran through him, Blood spurted out of Destrudo's mouth. His red Aura, the Etheric Body that made him so unique flickered and vanished, as all traces of life left his eyes. He toppled over, a dead man, and stirred no more.

The Crowd gave Christina a standing Ovation. A Whirlwind blew in through the doors before Chistina could leave, and roaring through the stands and vanishing as quickly as it came, taking the dead spectators back to where they belonged.

Sometime later...

Destrudo's body lay on a bed in a room as the monks worked to bring him back to life. They knew they had succeeded when his Signature red Aura flickered back into existence around him. It seemed, a little bigger, a little stronger, but that, that could've been an illusion.

Destrudo sat up, and without a word of thanks, or an apology for his ill mannered actions, he left the Citadel, vanishing into the countryside.

I am done, if you wish to submit the thread.

[Letho]

General Notes: I’ll use this opportunity to say that I believe this entire battle could’ve been done better by both of you. There were some serious issues with actions done by your characters; some messed up your pacing and others were simple powergaming, though some occurrences were less blatant then others. But without further ado, let’s get onto the rubric. Destrudo’s score will be RED and Christina’s will be BLUE.


CONTINUITY – 5,5:5

This was pretty usual for Citadel battles. You came, you fought, you left. Nothing really wrong seeing as this is a random battle, but nothing stellar that would get you higher scores here either. I’m giving the slightest of advantages to Destrudo here because him being a brutish (wo)manslayer in the Citadel made a tad more sense then Christina who just happened to be lazing around, waiting for somebody to pick her. Remember, though an extensive intro is not always needed, that isn’t a reason to be sloppy and use little or no creativity to come up with a justification for being there.

SETTING – 5:4

Equally bland as the intros, I’m afraid. You made different mistakes here. Destrudo hit the thread of with a very elaborate description of the setting. In fact, he did it in such an elaborate manner that I thought I was reading a textbook on the history of construction engineering. Specific terms, exact measurements, hardcore facts, it’s not the way to write good narrative. And I would know. I went to school for a construction engineer, so I know how boring such descriptions could be. Add more flare to it, more of a personal touch. Christina, on the other hand, surprised me with barely mentioning the setting at all. I know that you perhaps felt it redundant to add your description on top of the one Destrudo wrote, but that doesn’t justify why it was nowhere to be seen (read) through the thread. A sporadic cheer of the crowd isn’t nearly enough for a good score. Advantage to Destrudo for at least trying to work with the setting.

PACING – 6:6

Pacing and Action are always closely linked in battles. The way you do action dictates the pace of the thread, and in this case you both made mistakes. The problem is this: when your character pulls off more then one attack in his turn, the person who responds to such a maneuver has to take the action back to the first move. This breaks the pacing because the previous poster finished his post with an attack number two (or even three in one of Christina’s post), but the following poster has to respond to the very first, then the second, and then to the third, and ONLY THEN can he/she can counter. This is not good, especially not in battles. So by fixing your action, you’ll fix your pacing as well. Other then that, this battle was paced pretty well on both sides.

DIALOGUE – 5:6,5

At times, I got the feeling that the dialogue was forced and unnatural, especially with Destrudo. The whole “I am here to kick ass and chew bubblegum” spoken to the monks in the first post sounded like something from a cliché bad guy in a B movie. And when he addressed his father, it sounded a bit awkward. Now, the whole cocky demeanor that Christina displays through her dialogue certainly fits her character, but even that at times feels like an insult to injury. Remember, not every piece of dialogue needs to be witty.

ACTION - 3:3

You both get equally low scores here and here’s why. Mostly it was because of some powergaming issues. Destrudo, I found nothing in your profile that would enable your character to tear the head off a tiger and then swing the corpse like a flail. It takes a LOT of power to snap the head clean off, and the centrifugal force of the corpse swirling around would surely be too much for Destrudo to handle. Christina’s mistakes were a bit more subtle and are more linked to the lack of moderation. Throughout the entire battle you kept pulling one trick from the sleeve after the other without ever taking a hit to her fatigue. I know your profile is approved with such constrains, but that doesn’t mean it should be abused. Not to mention that in your description of Petal Storm it says that Christina has a lot of trouble summoning these blades and directing them correctly, and yet she kills two lions without a hitch. Be mindful of your character’s limits. Combined with the problems I mentioned in pacing (too many actions in a single post), it made me score low here.

PERSONA – 6:7,5

Insight into the personas of your characters could be seen throughout the quest, from Destrudo’s headlong approach and reckless anger towards pretty much everything to Christina’s constant jests and dominating demeanor. But sometimes both of you flaunt this a bit too much, and yet in the very conclusion there was hardly a glimpse into what the battle meant to your characters. Even if it meant nothing but a sparing match, do make mention of it.

MECHANICS – 4:8

There was a significant difference between you two. Christina’s writing was almost flawless here, with a typo here and an awkward sentence structure there, but nothing too concerning. On the other hand, Destrudo, you have a lot of problems with spelling. I won’t single out an example because there are so many mistakes throughout the battle. Most of the times you spell the words the way they are spoken, which turns “muscle” into a “muscel”, “emperor” into “emporer” or something similar to that. Also, capitalization. This is not a Good way to Capitalize words in your sentence. See what’s wrong with that last sentence? You seem to capitalize some words in the middle of a sentence that shouldn’t be, and it happens many times. Keep an eye out for that. Every spellchecker, those online included, would catch such mistakes for sure.

TECHNIQUE – 4:6

Nothing much to comment here. There were was a wandering simile here or there, especially from Christina, but nothing that made me feel that a lot of thought and creativity was put into the writing. My only advice here is to keep trying out new things that could enrich your writing. This would especially help you, Destrudo, by making your descriptions less factual and more poetic.

CLARITY – 5:7

Both of you were hurt by the aforementioned problems with action, only Destrudo had the typos constantly harming him as well.

WILD CARD – 5:5

Both of you can do better then this. But for a random battle, it was a decent effort.



TOTAL SCORE – 48,5:58

Christina Bredith is victorious!
Congratulations to you both!


SPOILS:
Christina Bredith gets 1200 EXP, 600 GP and a vial of magical, Althanas-made Oxiclean that cleans the entire attire. Good for one use only.
Destrudo gets 350 EXP, 150 GP and a tiger’s head.


EXP/GP added!