Episode 4: Mystery of the Endless 2. ((Solo Quest))

[Mutant_Lorenor]

((Continuation of here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=5938), here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=6615), and here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=6461) and it takes place approximately a couple of weeks after Mystery of the Endless, already link. Thank you very much))

After an intense sparring session with the Monks of Ai'bron, Lorenor allowed the nurse-aides to heal his injuries. The other warrior had it worse than he. At this point in his combat education, the boy grew quite skilled at the basic warfare and tactics his level of development currently allowed him to learn and use effectively. Still going up the ranks of training with the Warrior Monks, the boy often considered joining the faction.

Still unable to get his vast emotional problems under control the young immortal had many problems to overcome before becoming an ideal living weapon. Obsessed now with that solitary idea, the boy trained every day and night. Refining his close-quarters and now working on his sword-play skills the boy learned rapidly overcoming his initial set-backs.

Sitting in the room now the boy relaxed while the healers worked their art upon him. He listened to The Endless now. He noticed that with time and practice it became easier to communicate with The Endless. All the boy needed to do was pass his initial pain and listen to the voices within his body, deep inside his heart. The Endless communicated as a form of song that soothed the boy in its own way. Learning that The Endless offered more than one form of protection the boy meditated now.

Letting the color from his eyes fade into the sockets. With the purple glow gone, he appeared as nothing more than a life-less corpse. His horribly scarred face a ruin after the ritual's completion that left him in such a poor state. A scar ran down the middle of his face traveling all the way down to the top of his throat.

With his maxilla deformed, it was capable of achieving movements no normal creature might attempt with a closed-in jaw. Able to open up to clamp down on prey, Lorenor's BITE was powerful and dangerous. His jaws were also able to stretch down much like a snake. Once they finished working on his person, the boy stood up, thanked the healers, and made his way out of the Gol'bron facility. The boy still had many hours of night ahead of him and he wanted to use his personal time for introspection and self-growth.

Taking a break from all his training, the youth decided the time for a different set of training arrived. He walked in a brooding sort of way towards an isolated clearing very near to the Gol'bron's village. Sitting down in the center of the clearing, the boy took a lotus position and started taking several deep breaths.

Meditation as the Monks of Ai'bron called it. The Monks, in their effort to fashion an excellent weapon, trained the young immortal carefully. They showed him their ways taking him into their fold. One of the secret arts they showed him was Meditation. Using the Sacred Wind the boy's chest rose up and down as he focused upon his chi. Manifesting as a nimbus of pure darkness around his person, the crackling aura seemed to naturally consume all light around it.

It placed a sort of celestial void around the boy while he breathed in and out. Visualizing the Tree of Life, his breath traveled across his vessel passing from Chakra to Chakra. Soon his breathing became relaxed and instinctive shutting out all outside distractions while he meditated. The boy concentrated on listening to the voice within himself, the devils within. The Endless responded in its usual sing-song way and so the events of the night began.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Lorenor meditated for a time. The center of the clearing came alive with the boy's dark chi. He learned to calm his volatile emotions. In time, the patience came. The boy listened to the voices of The Endless within him preparing himself to one day effectively control The Endless. For now, that prospect was yet a long time away. The Endless barely assisted him battle. They barely respected his words of command. Still, they guided his hand. In order for The Endless to live, Lorenor needed to stay alive.

And so, even if in a begrudging sort of way, The Endless offered the boy their protection in every method they could. Primarily a defensive unit, The Endless within Lorenor served the Function as protector. As a living armor, the creature wrapped itself around its living host. Currently it sat only in its primary stages of life, still existing in its young larval stage. Lorenor suspected that more stages of life existed for The Endless and he attempted to find these secrets out.

As the boy meditated he suddenly felt a sharp pain erupting from the lower regions of his pelvis. The pain shot up his spinal collumn and all the way into his brain. Lighting him up with agony, the boy felt something strange coming from The Endless. A searing hot fire burned through the boy's person. All forms of meditation seemed like they might be cut off. The boy, continued to concentrate despite the agony he felt.

His face distorted itself underneath the pain. Despite himself, the boy clutched his stomach attempting to prevent himself from throwing up and screaming in agony. He somehow managed to do that as a wash of calm came along with the pain he felt, attempting to counter-act it. The boy gasped in agony as he sat there in meditation feeling the pain of his un-death once more.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

The pain Lorenor currently felt was a completely new experience. In his time with The Endless, the boy felt a number of new sensations and saw life in a completely different light. Knowing he was alone, he allowed himself the liberty of screaming in utter agony. His undead howl traveling in the wind making hims sound similar to a banshee's cry. Lorenor bent forward on the ground scratching at it and digging up dirt. The battle with his inner demons began at that point. As he clawed at the earth, the pain started to become more intense with each passing moment.

The Darkness about his person surged sporadically, adding its taint to the shadows naturally created by the night. Lorenor tried to fight back the pain, but at this point he couldn't. No amount of his training with the Monk's of Ai'bron could stop this agony. It would not be ignored, it would not be stopped by anything Lorenor attempted. So, he submitted to it, allowed him to completely baptize his person. His hands clawed at the dirt the whole time, digging up chunks of the earth. Blood poured down his nostrils in streams as he started to catch seizures.

Singing songs of chaos, The Endless spoke in and out of control matter within him. The songs were gibberish at this point. Because of this matter, the boy felt confusion welling up in his stomach. He threw up. His body convulsed against the earth, and he turned several times moving away from his starting point, more towards the west. He groaned in agony. He grabbed at whatever he could grab and squeezed with all his undead strength. At some point, the boy grabbed a rock and started to scratch at it, leaving claw marks all over the rock before tossing it into the darkness. Lorenor vaguely acknowledged a thud against some tree or something far away.

The boy's head felt several sizes too big. Writhing within him, The Endless twisted and turned underneath his flesh attempting to burst through his skin with fiery power. Several strands of The Endless, like cables or cords attached themselves to nearby trees. The lining expanded and expanded until Lorenor was trapped at the epicenter of the substance, in a chrysalis state with The Endless. Lorenor felt darkness surround him and it was just like the time he jumped into The Endless in Haidia, only considerably worse than that.

As The Endless tore through him in its incubating state, Lorenor's mind cleared up allowing the flash-backs to start. He remembered that time in Haidia during The Endless war. That was his first encounter with a collective of The Endless. The living mass of oily darkness took up most of a large cavern. He remembered it, and remembered that his only option was diving into it as the men around him were destroyed. From the first moment Lorenor came in contact with The Endless, he felt pain. That pain reminded him of the pain he currently felt, agonizing, searing. Memories of all his encounters with The Endless pouring through his mind quickly as he fought against his pain, or at least tried to.

This thing came from within him. Lorenor was lifted off the ground by the mass of the, several feet. The cords launched by The Endless seemed web-like and sticky. An organic and sticky residue. In this state Lorenor felt the pain that The Endless felt and continued to scream. The whole organic substance sucking him into darkness. And so, Lorenor fell across the eternity.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Outside of Lorenor's body a large incubation sphere manifested itself. The Endless exploded through the small warrior's vessel. Its tendrils latching onto the nearby trees siphoning the life out it. Absorbing the living energy within the clearing itself. The mass grew quickly around the boy giving off an eerie vibration sound as it collected the life-energy it needed to sustain its existence. At some point during this process, a piece of The Endless ripped itself from the main chunk, traveling into the nearby wilderness looking for its host.

Wrapped firmly about his person, the incubation sphere pulsated with the pain that the boy felt. The sphere grew with each passing moment until it filled much of the clearing like a cacoon. Also radiating its own light, the clearing bathed in it, a purple hue. The residue touched the clearing corrupting everything within it sending off a loud vibration in the air. Only one individual witnessed such a dark deed. He stood at the far end of the clearing observing everything casually. The tendrils of organic darkness attached themselves to nearby trees sucking the life out of them.

As Lorenor fell through the darkness, the eyes of The Endless observed the boy as he fell. The tar-like substance filled his mouth and every other orifice of his body. The boy became one with The Endless within. Time sped by under the weight of the agony he felt. The canopy of trees in the clearing still stretched around the boy to protect him with the darkness of the night. The purple residue of energy crackled all about the sphere. The grass in the clearing was snuffed out almost immediately.

Lorenor attempted to fight but only for a moment. The Endless wrapped itself around the boy completely making his person vanish. As it incubated the horrible sights and sounds were looked upon by the one strange in the clearing. He too, covered by darkness, stared on whilst The Endless incubated itself. After many hours passed, Lorenor finally felt The Endless receding underneath his flesh. When the process finished itself, the boy was left gasping in the clearing. He opened his looked at the sole stranger looking at the process of mutation. The boy wreathed in agony still as The Endless writhed still underneath his flesh settling itself down.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Standing in observation of the boy, Figment watched his host very carefully. A personification of Lorenor's own fragmented mind, Figment was what doctors called a hallucination. Often times caused during the traumatic events of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, one's brain structure altered ever so slightly to allow the perception of things others' couldn't see. Lorenor, being of the dead and yet not dead, saw things that might turn a grown man white with fear. It was often the case that Lorenor ignored most of these things.

Every so often one of his hallucinations took physical manifestation and served as a tormentor to the boy. In this case, Figment was a manifestation of the negativity locked deep in the sub-conscious of the boy's atma. This darkness, taking a physical form approached the boy now--he was ready. The thing had a definitive male form, bathed in shadows. Figment was considerably taller than Lorenor, standing at roughly six feet and a half. Staring down upon the boy, he noticed that Figment had no face. His face was completely blank.

Somehow, Lorenor felt like he stared at his own reflection and it was an eerie sort of sensation. From the recent trauma, the boy immediately assumed Figment was one of the workers in the camp. If that was the case, the stranger was there to help him. Being a featureless individual, the shadowt form was of average build and wore not clothing. Instead, darkness rippled off his person. Figment knelt down towards Lorenor and whispered in a strange way that somehow felt very, VERY familiar.

"You've forgotten me my child. You've forgotten who you are and the proud legacy your name represents. I am here to make you remember yourself once more. My name is Figment. I come from the sea of your subconscious mind. Don't you ever forget my name either, or I will haunt you. I am you and you are me."

The strange mental construct spoke. It was an odd way of speaking, piercing Lorenor's brain directly. The boy heard the voice and at the same time, FELT the vibration of each spoke syllable. It was as if someone played a loud symphony in his skull, threatening to tear it apart. The boy clutched at his head and wished he could cry. Somehow, he missed the ability to cry at that moment. His eye sockets bore no eyes, some other force removed them long ago permanently scarring his face with imperfections. He bore all the markings of the Spider-Magi except the Spider-Magi FORM. That mystery might reveal itself one day.

Figment moved closer towards the boy and reached forward with a back-hand that sent him reeling. The boy flew backwards several feet with a bruise already forming. The impact point was the side of his head. Lorenor stood up and saw that the world altered around him. Once more, he fell into the darkness and felt like he was trapped within a collective of The Endless. Figment was there also. Figment moved slowly forward, stalking Lorenor like a predatory beast.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

A normal person would've seen the truth. Figment as it called itself, was the piece of The Endless that spawned off the main host creature. The thing was considerably smaller than the creature that lurked within Lorenor. The small creature skipped across the surface of the clearing towards the entity it identified as a host; Lorenor himself. Adopting the principle qualities of an Endless oriented towards aggression, the tiny creature moved quickly towards Lorenor after the initial impact point.

The strike tested Lorenor's inner energy as The Endless tasted the small warrior for a moment. Drawing of him. It saw that Lorenor was like a conductor of dark energy. Moving towards the incubating state of the young immortal, Figment suddenly jumped AT Lorenor's person. The boy, shocked, stared in horror as Figment attempted to rush at him. After the initial blow to his face, the boy wasn't sure what to make of the stranger.

Seeing Figment rushing at him, the boy had no choice in the matter. He became paralyzed with fear at the stress of the situation. Pain still burned through his body and he made a weak attempt to raise his arms at the last possible moment. Figment's powerful form rushed hard into Lorenor, knocking him back, sapping the wind from his lungs.

Lorenor felt a foreign energy course through his body once more. This time, a different sort of pain came with it. The pain associated with power and rebirth. Figment attached itself to Lorenor somehow, and he felt the combination process start moments after the initial impact. Lorenor yelled once more and a brilliant amethyst glow erupted from the boy's eye sockets.

His muscles grew somewhat more full than they were before at the union with his aggressor Endless. Lorenor now had two Endless units working in conjunction within him. The boy felt the power coursing through his vain, a pleasant welcome change after all the pain he felt that night. Lorenor decided it was time for some sleep. He felt the temperature slowly rising and new that dawn was coming. That whole process of the incubation and fusion with the new Endless took up most of the night. Lorenor made his way back to camp for some sleep for the rest of the day.

Lorenor's fractured mind perceived a warrior called Figment, but the truth was much worse.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Earlier--

A single form ripped itself from the incubation sphere. Bouncing across the clearing several times, the tiny entity left a black substance where ever its small body touched. Dark energy radiated within the dead clearing. The trees nearby were sapped of their strength and power. The grass lay burnt asunder. A four-legged creature wandered into the clearing and the small Endless spotted it quickly.

Voracious, an ancient hunger drove the tiny beast to predatory feats. Having a formless structure, the tiny being was no more than a few inches high. It was colored completely black and comprised of an organic substance. This substance gave off a rancid oder that attracted the unfortunate fawn. The tiny creature had a large head and a rippling body. It moved by bouncing quickly from position to position turning on its own body quickly. It stretched its liquid-like form several feet at a time making locomotion very rapid.

The head had no eyes. Instead, a maw with many large, pointy teeth was visible as part of an otherwise featureless "face". The tiny creature stood no more than several inches high, but across was at least four feet in circumference with all of its gathered gunk. It almost resembled a pile of sentient and organic oil taken the form of a dangerous creature. The Endless stalked the fawn and once the unfortunate Atma saw the creature coming towards him, it was already too late.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

The Endless stretched itself out and quickly made its way towards the frightened fawn. Several leaps forward was all it took. One it was well within range, the tiny beast launched its attack at the fawn and covered it with its sticky substance. The thing let off several cries of agony as the creature literally ate its way through the flesh of the fawn. Attacking every pore of the beast, The Endless ate away all of the flesh until not more was left than a skeletal pile of bones hidden in the underbrush.

Hearing the sounds of the wild, the creature looked about desperately for a host body. Pondering stalking off into the wilderness after its fresh kill, the small predator felt a calling from the incubation sphere. So powerful was the pull it felt, that the creature stopped everything it was doing and returned to the clearing. It stopped and stared at it for a long moment, admiring the beauty of such a dark construct.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Approaching the incubation sphere now, The Endless saw that enough dark energy gathered itself. It harnessed the power around it effectively and projected itself into the brain of the host. The energies in the clearing made this process much easier. Surprisingly susceptible to The Endless, the host within the incubating sphere unconsciously reached out with his mind. Touching upon the energy patterns set off by Lorenor's brain, The Endless interacted with the tormented, shattered psyche.

An easy process for The Endless, the creature projected images of itself as Lorenor's brain WANTED to perceive him. Distinct psycho kinetic forces pulsed out from the carrier. The Endless used this to his advantage to create a mental construct that might instill great fear into the heart of the host. Creating the mental image of a warrior calling himself Figment, the process was almost completed now. The Endless gave itself an identity based upon the memories and past experiences of the host carrier. Once, long ago, the small warrior was a terrifying creature of the night.

Those nights needed to return as the time of prophecy lurked. While Lorenor's initial Endless incubated, the offspring waited patiently for sufficient dark energy to gather. Once enough was gathered, The Endless attached to the host body erupted forward with a powerful burst of energy. Figment saw the upgraded shell of his parent Endless. Once the incubation sphere passed, Figment made its way towards Lorenor and lunged at him, getting a taste of the small warrior's dark energy.

Stretching himself forward, Figment never meant to physically cause the carrier anymore pain than what he already endured. Still though, the lad gave off great dark energy and so, The Endless took advantage of this symbiotic relationship. Figment drank some of the boy's dark energy upon impact and saw that Lorenor flew off several feet backwards. Apparently, Figment used more power than he intended too. Approaching the boy in his moment of paralyzing fear, Figment lunged forward towards the mouth of the small warrior.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Many images burned through Lorenor's mind. The Endless sang songs of victory as the incubation phase passed. Lorenor's body was still numb with pain as he attempted to leave the dead clearing. Stumbling into the grass several times, the boy attempted to balance himself with one arm and knee. Pain filled his body as he thought about what just happened. The Endless within him squirmed with power aching to be used on a new victim. Still, Lorenor was able to resist the urge of violence thanks to his training with The Monks.

Still, it took a tremendous effort on his part. Slowly, he made his way back towards the Gol'bron's settlement stumbling several times on the way there. He still felt incredibly confused about what happened. The initial triggers of the event seemed to be his meditation, and he decided not to try to practice it for a while until he gained better control of The Endless. He made his way towards the training Dojo and descended deep underground. The daylight hours approached and Lorenor's time to sleep had arrived.

The End.

****Spoils Request****

001--The Endless Armor Upgrade--After his incubation period ceased, Lorenor saw that his Armor increased in potency. Now capable of growing spikes and wrapping a single gauntlet around his remaining forearm (Thanks to an item received in another quest, Lorenor only has ONE forearm and a bracer attached to the other) the armor has grown slightly more powerful. From the strength of leather it is now upgraded to the strength of IRON. A natural armor, The Endless wraps itself firmly around the body of the host creating a black suit. Spiked shoulder pads are also visible, as well as spiked shin guards. ((Available at level 2, thank you))

002--Endless Spawn--A creature known as Figment. This is The Endless that spawned from V'halkulus. With V'halkulus being in the Protector state, its spawn commanded the Aggressor state. Eventually, Figment will become a powerful weapon for Lorenor to use. For now though, Figment is just an extra Endless that Lorenor can command. He can summon the creature and it acts as an NPC. It has a fairly high intelligence, armor rating, and agility rating. ((This is subject to a moderator's final say thank you)) Eventually, Figment will evolve into a weapon. ((Think of it as a Familiar))

[Amaril Torrun]

Story

Continuity- 4 - You need to give more information about where Lorenor is coming from. Your first post seemed to be just the next post of an ongoing thread. You gave links to past quests, but every thread should be able to stand on its own. Sadly, this was not the case here.

Setting- 2 - I had almost no idea where any of this stuff was going on. The story started in a room that wasn’t described in any way and I have no idea of what building he was in. Once he went to the clearing, I still had hardly any descriptions of his surroundings. You need to not only tell the reader about the place your character is, but make the reader feel like they are there as well, using all five senses.

Pacing- 4 - The story went by very quickly. It seems to have been a character development story, though it seemed like you rushed through that aspect as well. Try to slow things down and describe things in greater detail.

Character

Dialogue- 4 - You had one moment where dialogue took place. I can understand if you don’t want a character that talks just for the sake of talking. It might be a good idea to have some inner dialogue such as thoughts, in order to further develop Lorenor’s personality.

Action- 6 - The incubation event was a very intense situation and I almost felt it. Almost. You mention pain, nose bleed, and seizures. While these all helped to show what Lorenor was going through, it still feels like something was missing. I also found one thing very unusual. Figment “reached forward with a back-hand.” How did Lorenor fly backwards for several feet from that kind of attack? You describe Figment as a very small creature and then had him do a powerful attack without any explanation of extraordinary abilities.

Persona- 2 - Like I already said above, this story looks like it was meant for character development. With that said, there really wasn’t any development at all, other than physical. Lorenor doesn’t seem to have any emotions whatsoever. Characters that don’t feel are very hard to like, not because they are evil, but because the reader can’t identify with them in anyway. There was one time when you did try to invoke some emotion, when you made him want to cry. I just can’t see such an emotion fitting a character that is written in such a heartless manner. You need to find a proper balance between absolutely no emotion and emotions that don’t fit with the character.

Writing Style

Mechanics- 6 - You occasionally type a word in all capital letters. I don’t particularly like that style of getting the readers attention, but I saw why you did it and won’t take points off for it. I’d try to use more subtle ways to hint at a words importance though, like italicizing. Other than that, there were just a few grammatical errors.

Technique- 4 - You use some larger words to add some flavor to your posts. Other than that, I didn’t really see many ways to add to the feel of your story. Metaphors, symbolism and foreshadowing are just a few things that one could use to make their story much more interesting to read. I think I may have already said this; try to slow the story down. Capture moments as if they are their own stories to be read and enjoyed. Once the world you are creating seems real, your readers will immerse themselves in it.

Clarity- 5 - I understood almost everything that was going on, but I feel that it is because of the simplicity of the thread.

Wild Card- 5 - There wasn’t anything that particularly caught my attention about this thread. It seemed like a character development quest, physically more than internally.

The final score is 42.

Lorenor gains his spoils with an edit on Figment. The new endless can keep the high intelligence, since it seems that he needs that to hold a lot of information for your character development. Seeing as how it is a small piece that broke off of your already existing endless, I’m not going to allow such high armor and agility as well. Since Figment left the main body before the incubation process was complete, its hide is as tough as sturdy leather. His agility can be moderate.

These spoils will need further approval at you next character update. The advancement of any of these spoils will take further approval, after the initial approval at your next update.

Lorenor gains 379 experience.

If you have any questions, comments or complaints regarding this judging, please send them to me via PM or AIM: loligagerrofl.

[Letho]

EXP added.