Quit hitting yourself!

[Elijah_Morendale]

Solo, dream battle. Since the majority of this thread will take place in Elijah's subconscious, he will have far greater control over his ice powers; in this case, the speed in which he can produce ice. Also, to clear things up, Nadia's P.O.V. will be in red.

It had been roughly three months since Elijah had arrived in Radasanth, and he was not tired of wandering the streets of the massive city, taking in the sights. Every day was like a new adventure for him; finding new roads he had yet to traverse, talking to new people, and wrapping up the night with a new drink in a new pub before he meandered back to a room he had rented on the south side of the Niema river.

The finely constructed city had impressed the adventurer. His sheltered Salvic upbringing kept him away from all the fine points of Althanian culture--the works of art, literature, and the various interactions between the plentiful humans, dwarves, and elves that were housed within the walls of the city. That particular day, Elijah decided to visit the main square, laying his eyes on the humongous statue of the city's namesake, the elven hero named Radasanth. The size alone was enough to strike a chord of awe in him, spurring up a need to spend the rest of the day in one of the local libraries reading up on the city's vast history--despite Nadia's nagging objections. She felt that reading was boring and a giant waste of their time.

Elijah was in the middle of a volume about the Demons overrunning Radasanth--then known as Teria--when his stomach growled, begging to be fed. Vowing to continue his curious research the next day, he left the library and stopped off at some seedy tavern for dinner.

Leaving about as quickly as he arrived, he walked the mile to the room he had rented. He fumbled with the door in the night, but once he was able to get inside, he took off his jacket and tossed it on the back of a nearby chair. Yawning, he untied his hi-tops and set them at the foot of the bed, then climbed in, the soft mattress immediately relaxing his body. Elijah pulled the covers over his head, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

[Elijah_Morendale]

As Elijah's consciousness faded, a new reality faded in. He was now seated inside a small teahouse that was placed in the center of a lush garden. A small stream wound its way between the sparse cropping of willow trees, each of which were enclosed by a circle of bleach white, skull sized rocks. He could hear the birds cry out their beautiful songs as the water ebbed and flowed around the submerged stones. About a three hundred feet out there was a waist-high stone wall that existed as the garden's boundary--a single iron gate serving as the entry and exit point. A gravel path led from the gate to the teahouse. It was a serene, relaxing environment. He closed his eyes in contentment, lazily reaching over to the low table to take a sip of the green tea that was prepared.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" Nadia had summed up the adventurer's thoughts nicely.

"Yeah..." He glanced at his imaginary friend, who was half-seated, half-sprawled on the tatami mats. She was wearing a black evening dress, a silver dragon snaking up the slitted legs, around her thin waist, and ending at the neck. Her normally wild red hair was neatly pulled back in a ponytail, save for the long bangs concealing the left side of her face. Her jade eyes were looking out the opening in the building, surveying the tranquility of the garden.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoy it." She turned to face him, an earnest smile crossing her lips. "I spent all day trying to get all the rocks to look nice."

"You did a damn fine job." Elijah raised his cup in the air before bringing it to his lips to slurp down some of tea.

Nadia's gaze returned to the willows and the stream. "Thanks. But, it's too bad that we're going to tear this place up." The smile slowly transformed into something more diabolical, something better suited for her.

Elijah shook his head and sighed as he set the cup back down on the table. "Really. Can't we skip it tonight? I'm starting to enjoy myself here."

The imaginary friend began to pout. "What, you're telling me that you don't like our Thursday nights?"

"No, it's not that, it's just that... I've got a headache from all that reading I did earlier today."

"Who's fault is that?" Nadia sat up and crossed her arms. "I told you that you had no business researching some stupid history shit, but you didn't listen to me. And now, I'm going to miss out on my precious, beloved Thursday night..."

Elijah let out an even bigger sigh. Rolling his eyes, he gave in to Nadia's desires. "Fine. But we better make it quick."

The fictitious femme fatale squealed with glee as she sprung up from her spot on the mats. She skipped over to the back of the little teahouse, ripping her steel katana and Elijah's serrated dagger off the wall. As Elijah put his hand on the mat to assist him in getting up, the dagger was sent flying towards him. Effortlessly, he snatched it out of the air.

Nadia's sadistic, childish smile widened further as she raised the hilt of her katana to her face. Popping the blade out by an inch with her thumb, she uttered a single word: "Come."

[Elijah_Morendale]

The adventurer grumbled as he slid the dagger out of its leather home and tossed it aside. "I don't think it's fair that you get a katana, while all I have is this dinky piece of shit dagger." Elijah calmly stood up, dusting off his denim jacket with his free hand.

"It's called training for a reason, chief. I gotta' to learn how to use this thing, and you need to keep your skills with the dagger sharp. You seem to get into an awful lot of trouble, so it's always nice to be able to fight back, ya' know?" Nadia let her weapon drop down to her side, one hand on the wooden sheathe, the other tightly gripping the hilt. "Besides, you got all those weird ice powers. So if anyone isn't being fair, it's you."

Elijah closed his eyes, a smug grin forming on his face. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." He changed his grip on his dagger, holding it in a fashion that made slashing feel more natural to him.

With his free hand, he crafted three ice kunais; one between each of his fingers. With a wide sweeping motion of his arm, he launched the icicles at Nadia. Wasting no time, the imaginary friend ripped her sword out of its sheathe, throwing the sliver of wood like a javelin at Elijah's face. The sheathe intercepted one of his kunais in mid-flight, sending a few splinters of oak through the air, while Nadia swiftly dodged underneath the other two.

His sapphire eyes widened in surprise as the piece of oak continued on its collision course with his forehead. Ducking, he could hear as it flew over his head, crashing through the paper sliding door behind him as it sailed out of the teahouse and into the garden. Elijah happened a quick look at the gaping hole in the door behind him. Woo, shit, THAT would've hurt!

"Hiiii-yaaaaaaah!"

The war screech brought the adventurer's attention back to the "training session". His head quickly spun back in time to catch Nadia jumping off the low table, knocking over their tea cups in the process. She brought her sword up and behind her head, preparing to split Elijah's skull in half with a swift downward motion. As she crashed to the ground, Elijah deftly rolled out of harm's way. The sword instead embedded itself into the tatami mats. Nadia let out an exasperated groan as she tried to pull her weapon free.

"You know, you may be quick and all, but your dire lack of experience with--oh damn!" Elijah's taunt was cut short by an erratic swipe at his chest. He hopped back a step as the steel flashed in front of him. With the attack, Nadia had left herself open; Elijah seized the opportunity and, as if his leg were like a piston, rammed the heel of his hi-tops into Nadia's stomach.

[Elijah_Morendale]

"Ow! What the fuck!"

I dropped my blade and gripped my sides as I flew backwards across the teahouse, stumbling into the low table and crashing through it. I felt the splintered ash poke and stab into my back like a couple dozen nails. For some reason, I couldn't cry out in pain--probably because I was too surprised that my super sexy body actually went through the table in the first place. Then, my stomach lurched, politely reminding me that it was on the receiving end of a size ten.

I looked up through squinted eyes to see the Chief crossing his arms and shaking his head at me. "As I was about to say... Your lack of know-how with that thing means you have absolutely nothing in the long run. Speed without skill is like..." He put his hand to his chin as if he was capable of deep thought. "Ah, screw it. You get the picture."

"Who died and made you a Dajas Pagoda master?" Yeah, I'll admit that I suck. But that's why I have my Thursday nights. Ain't nothing to teach you how to fight like a good fight, if you ask me. I sat up slowly, picking small pieces of the table out of my hair. It was time to throw down.

My sword was six feet away, tops. If I could grab it and rush him in time I would definitely win. There was a small mist emanating from Elijah's fist--he was prepping for one of his ice ball tricks. I smiled devilishly at him as I inched my way towards my blade... Closer... Closer... Then, like a bolt of lightning or something generic like that, I sprang towards it, my arm outstretched to snatch it off the floor at the earliest possible moment.

And yet, something in my bruised gut told me to hold it right there. The very moment I stopped in my mad dash for the katana, a hunk of solid ice passed mere inches in front of my thin fingers, bouncing harmlessly against the light tan mats. My eyes followed the rolling orb, and I couldn't help myself to a light giggle as my grin widened. "You're so predictable! And predictability is the downfall of many-a warrior, ya' mook!" My preachy tone even took me by surprise.

Without a nanosecond wasted, I wrapped both of my meat hooks around the hilt of my cheap sword and jumped at him, thrusting my blade towards his chest. Let's see that fucker dodge THIS.

[Elijah_Morendale]

As the hunk of ice ricocheted off the floor of the teahouse, he thought to himself, okay, so maybe I do use the ice ball trick too much. Elijah could see the homicidal look escaping between Nadia's crimson bangs as she picked up the sword and attempted to impale him. He quickly sidestepped as she sailed by harmlessly. Elijah then spun his dagger around, ramming the hilt into his imaginary friend's backside.

Nadia's back arched with pain; a loud scream pierced Elijah's eardrums. As she massaged her injured kidney, the adventurer couldn't help but to taunt her once more. "Looks like you're going to need a hell of a lot more than just Thursday nights if you want to be good with that." The redhead slowly turned around, fury igniting her deep blue eyes.

With a war cry that caught Elijah off guard, Nadia charged forth, catching him squarely in the stomach with a shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his waist, using her momentum to carry them across the teahouse, through one of the sliding paper doors, and down to the garden below. The impact of the fall knocked the wind out of the adventurer.

Stars filled his eyes as he tried to make sense of the situation. His vision began to clear; he could see that he was a good ten feet away from the small building that sat in the center of the garden. There was a gaping hole in the door where they had gone through--pieces of which were scattered around him in a collage of paper and wood. He could feel a pressure sitting on his chest. It didn't take long for him to realize what it was.

Nadia held her katana high in the air in a stabbing position as she sat straddled on Elijah's stomach. "Hold still. This may only hurt once, but... Damn, is it gonna' hurt!"

[Elijah_Morendale]

Look at the smile on her face... She's gonna' kill me!

Nadia could clearly read fear on Elijah's face. "Don't worry, it's not like you can die in your dreams. You'll just wake up in a cold sweat, screaming your fool head off." Grinning like a Cheshire cat, she quickly stabbed downwards, the point of her katana aimed at his throat.

The adventurer's left hand quickly chilled as he instantly formed an icy inch thick "glove" around his balled-up fist. Swiftly swinging with his ice-covered fist, he intercepted the sword strike, knocking the weapon right out of his imaginary friend's hands. The impact splintered a couple layers of ice and jolted Nadia. She winced and cursed as she shook her hands, trying to erase the stinging sensation. Elijah noticed the opening, and delivered a quick, icy uppercut to her chin.

"Arrrgh!" Nadia's face contorted with a myriad of emotions synonymous with pain, surprise, and anger as the hunk of ice encasing the adventurer's hand shattered against her jawbone. She flew back off of Elijah's chest, coming down hard on the grass several feet away. Both of them groggily sat up; Elijah freeing his hand by shattering what remained of his frozen glove with the hilt of his dagger, Nadia vigorously rubbing her jaw. The punch had cut open her chin. Her fingertips were smeared with blood.

As she stared at the thick liquid, she couldn't help but to giggle. A small girlish laugh, surely, but over the next few seconds, it grew into a full psychotic laughter, as if someone had told her a very funny and very stupid joke. Nadia--that is, Elijah's split personality/resident imaginary friend--enjoyed battles and the pain that was dished out to any and all suckers involved.

"Yes! YES!" Her face was lit up with excitement. "THIS is why I love Thursday nights!"

[Elijah_Morendale]

A chilled breeze began to blow through my garden as I contemplated what the hell I was going to do next. As the willows swayed, I could hear their leaves rustle in the wind. The small, shallow stream silently flowed a few feet behind Elijah. It really was a serene setting, not one suitable for fighting--perhaps I should've picked the ship on a storm-tossed sea like I did two weeks ago, or my personal favorite: A rock platform surrounded by a nasty pool of lava. Oh well, live and learn.

My eyes darted between the katana that was sprawled on the grass and the dagger in the Chief's hand. He was casually playing with it, waiting for me to make the first move. Elijah had that damn boyish smirk on his face, as per usual. I thought about making a break for my sword, but given what happened in the teahouse and how well that turned out... Yeah. I'd have to distract him with something long enough for me to get a hold of that craptastic piece of tin foil--perhaps a punch to the throat, knee to the 'nads, elbow to the kidney, whatever works.

I charged forward at full speed, the front of my dress being tossed all over the place. Elijah's gaze sharpened, his hand tightening around the hilt of his dagger as he took a quick defensive stance. I was in range to deliver a drop kick to his chest when the Chief slashed at me with his dagger. My eyes widened at the piece of sharp metal that flashed towards my throat. I quickly ducked down and rolled on the grass, coming up to one knee behind him. Before he could turn around and do something about my mad dodging skills, I planted my hands on the ground to steady myself then thrust my heel into the backside of his knee.

Bonus points! Elijah cried out in surprise as he collapsed to his knees. I wasn't going to give him the chance to get up. I sprung to my feet, clenching my fists together and delivering a swinging hammer blow to the side of his head. His glasses flew off his face as he immediately dropped to the ground.

As I made the mad dash to my katana, Elijah reached for his specs, furiously shaking his head to rid his vision of stars. I snatched up my sword, pivoting on one foot so I didn't lose any speed. Chief was sitting down now, trying to get a bead on the situation--poor guy. Maybe I hit him too hard upside the brainpan... Nah. This is a training session, dammit! He has to learn to properly defend himself somehow, because teachers cost gold; something he lacks.

I sprinted towards him, preparing to slash at his face again. My hands tightened around the leather grip as I wildly swung at his face. However, he was quick enough to parry the blow. The force of the impact knocked his dagger out of his hands and a good twenty feet away.

"Who's got the upper hand now, beotch?"

My grin widened as I changed my katana's course mid-flight, trying again for a slash to his throat.

[Elijah_Morendale]

This isn't cool!

Elijah was overcome with fear as his dagger flew out of his hands. The force of Nadia's blow jarred him, causing him to wince slightly. It was only moments before his imaginary friend would bring her sword down upon him and slice him in two, and he had no real way to defend himself. Maybe she'll ease up on me if I cover my head with my hands and beg for mercy...

Ruling out cowardice, as it wasn't exactly his style, he quickly threw himself backwards onto the grass as the steel blade passed in front of him. He could feel the breeze as Nadia's katana swept by his throat. Elijah immediately cupped his hands together and threw them outwards, releasing a fast-moving icicle aimed at Nadia's midsection.

There wasn't much she could do other than scream in pain as the sharpened strip of ice tore through her dress and a good chunk of her side as it traveled on it's path. Nadia dropped to the ground in a second, releasing her grip on her death toy and clutching the gaping hole in her left side, which was gushing blood all over the well kept garden.

As he was rising to his feet, he could see Nadia curled in a fetal position, her hands bloodied from trying to cover the would, her elegant dress ruined by the thick crimson liquid. There was no hint of her usual playful or psychotic smile on her face; tears were running down her face, streaking her black eyeliner. Elijah actually felt sorry for her, even though he knew that she'd be quite alright.

"You poor thing... Here, let me help you up. You're in no shape to fight any more."

"Fuck off, dipshit," she rasped between clenched teeth. "I can still kick your ass!"

Elijah smirked as he held out his hand, hoping that Nadia would take it. She stared at it for a few seconds, then looked back up at him. A smile crossed her lips. Small at first, but widened into the one she usually wore when she had a nasty trick up her sleeve. Nadia gripped the sleeve of Elijah's denim jacket, pulling him down so she could quickly swing the toe of her shoe into his side.

[Elijah_Morendale]

It was sweet. The look of surprise on his face as I took advantage of the chief's kindness and delivered what was surely a painful kick in the rib cage; how his eyes bugged out and his mouth couldn't decide between the "what the fuck just happened?" face or the "oh boy, I am such a retard for showing compassion (read: Weakness) during a fight" face. There was an exquisite art as to how his body crumpled as my toes drove into his side--at first, it was just a hip jerk, but the force of my kick coupled with the pain forced him to his knees. Elijah's back arched, his nerves screaming out as if they were on fire. The symphony ended with him falling backwards on the cut grass, finally getting around to express what his body was feeling with a drawn out, expletive-fueled scream.

Sigh... I would've enjoyed it more had I not had my own side gashed open by his damn ice trickery, my blood saturating my lovely evening dress and the grass underneath me.

My attack, while buying me some time, also hurt like hell. Pulling on Elijah's jacket sleeve was a good way of drawing him closer, but having to twist my body to land the kick, severing even more nerves and shit... Biting my lower lip was all I could do to not harmonize with his own cries of pain.

I rolled onto my back, an exasperated laugh escaping my throat, filling the peaceful springtime air. My right hand still covered up the nasty laceration while I tried to will my flesh to close up. But alas, when Elijah and I agreed to start these training sessions a few weeks ago, he made up the stupid rule that we couldn't heal ourselves. Because, seeing as we're doing this in his dreams and whatnot, if we kept on instantaneously healing whatever wounds we received until the session was over, there'd be no real incentive to learn the nuances of defense, right? Right.

So anyways, I quickly dried my eyes with a blood-encrusted hand and glanced over at Elijah. He was still whining like a baby, trying to massage away the pain. I shot at him, "Grow some fuckin' balls, will ya'? It was only a measly, half-assed kick!" And yet, with this gaping hole in my side, who am I to talk?

My katana lay just outside arm's reach. Granted that my body didn't have any objections, I so wanted to grab it, stand up, and finish the job. Common sense and my nerves tag-teamed me as I stretched out my hand, fumbling for the red leather hilt. I laughed as I rolled over and wrapped my thin fingers around it, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Elijah was already standing--hunched from the lingering pain, no less. In his hands, the chief held two really nasty-looking ice daggers. Wouldn't take a genius to figure out what the hell he was going to do with them.

[Elijah_Morendale]

Elijah stood at the ready, daggers glistening in the sunlight at his sides, giving no signs of what sort of attack he was about to make. His expression was blank, lacking any signs of his usual innocent playfulness. A small breeze blew his so-black-it-was-blue hair, pushing his bangs in front of his glasses. Not a muscle in his body moved as Nadia, sword in front of her, painfully rose to her knees. Every so often, her grin would be cracked by a wince. Her bright crimson hair was messier than normal, the ponytail she had neatly pulled before the fight began was coming undone. Her bangs were clumped by perspiration. She looked more diabolical than usual with both eyes eagerly fixed on the denim-clad adventurer.

They were both tired and injured; Elijah's entire solar plexus hurt like hell from the shoulder charge and kick he received earlier, Nadia had a busted jaw and one nasty gash in her side that was beginning to bleed less and less due to the wonders of clotting.

One more move was all it was going to take to finish this battle, and they both knew it.

Thursday night was one of Elijah's least favorite times of the week. Nadia had won every single one of the five "training sessions" they had ever since she nagged Elijah to buy her a katana a little over a month ago. It was during these sessions that he learned a lot about Nadia--his other self. Elijah discovered through actually fighting her that, whenever his personality switched over, he was a lot stronger and faster than normal, but her actions through him were far more sporadic. While she was indeed harder to read than most opponents, there was no semblance of organized technique. However, two Thursdays ago Elijah noticed that Nadia's eyes fully gave her away.

So, it was when he caught her bright green eyes moving downwards towards his chest that he decided it was time to act. Nadia drew her hands inward and thrust her steel blade at his chest. Elijah immediately sprung into the air and spread his legs slightly, allowing the katana to pass between his legs, piercing only the air. He raised both of his arms skyward and adjusted the grip on his daggers so they pointed downwards.

As his feet were about to touch back to the ground, he quickly stabbed downwards, his twin ice daggers aimed squarely at Nadia's clavicles. However, the sharp edges of the blades froze a quarter of an inch away from entering her flesh. He stood there for a moment, closing his eyes while Nadia's own widened in hysterics at the prospect of actually losing her first training session.

After several seconds, Nadia spoke up, her voice slightly quivering. "What gives?" Her hands, still extended and white-knuckled around the grip of her sword, were shaking.

Elijah relaxed, casting aside his daggers. A smirk of satisfaction crossed his face, for he believed that he won without actually killing her. "Sorry, killing ain't really in my nature."

His imaginary friend quickly regained her composure. "Well then, it's a good thing it's in mine." A nasty, tooth-filled grin crossed her face again as she twisted her blade, quickly retracting it across the inside of Elijah's leg. The sharpened steel easily tore through his pants and flesh, extracting a sizable amount of blood that sprayed into her face.

The adventurer's cried out as he fell to the ground. Nadia, in spite of her own wounds, jumped straight up into the air and rearranged her grip. Her katana was aimed once more at Elijah's chest.

However, this time, the blade met with its target with a sickening squish.

Before Elijah could feel any of the pain one would normally feel when impaled by a sharp, nasty piece of metal, the garden blurred and spun around him. Everything; the small teahouse with a busted door, the willow trees swaying in the breeze, the rock wall, they were all rapidly disappearing from his sight. He tried to scream, but no noise would come out of his mouth. Then, there was darkness.


***

He returned to reality screaming. Startled, he sat up, scattering the bedsheets as he rose. Elijah was covered in a cold sweat. His sapphire eyes darted around the dark room he had rented in the inn, trying to get a bead on his surroundings. He was breathing heavily, and quickly felt his chest with both hands for any signs of a stab wound. Thankfully, he found nothing. Breathing a short sigh of relief, he allowed gravity to pull him backwards and onto the pillow.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Nadia sitting at the lone table in the room, a small leather-bound journal and pencil in her hands. She no longer wore the striking evening dress; she was wearing her favorite pair of worn jeans that had dozens of holes in them that revealed her black and purple-striped stockings. She was also wearing a dark t-shirt that exposed a midriff that showed no signs of the wound inflicted by his icicle attack earlier. Her hair was also back to the standard erratic fix that she was accustomed to, bangs still covering her left eye.

She was shaking her head as she wrote down notes in the journal. "So, what did we learn tonight?"

[Elijah_Morendale]

The poor Chief. Here he was lying in bed, clutching the sheets like a crazed child, a look of bewilderment on his face. I don't see what his big deal is, it's not like I rammed that sword through him in real life. He's still alive, right? Right.

I looked at him for a few more seconds, waiting for a response. He stammered, trying to form a complete sentence. I cut him off, opting to go straight to the point. "You jammed up. If you're going to fight, you have to actually attack them, not show them that you can. Like your last technique, for instance. You could've actually won tonight, but nooooo. Your soft side reared it's ugly head. You stopped. So I killed you."

Elijah's eyebrows furrowed. His voice was weak, despite his visible irritation. "I told you, I'm not the type to commit murder!"

I pointed my pencil at him. "Murder, schmurder. Someone comes at you with a sword, you're supposed to defend yourself, dammit! Take them out before they take you out! Do I have to take over and kill some fools in the streets and work up an angry mob so I can prove that to you?"

The chief turned away from me and muttered a "no". I took a look at what I had written down in the journal. Both of us were progressing nicely, I suppose, but it was still a long journey before we both knew what the hell we were actually doing.

I watched as Elijah slowly drifted off to sleep again. As I slipped myself back into his subconscious, I smiled as I began plans on where we were going to train next week.

[Witchblade]

Story

Continuity: - 5 I’m not entirely sure where this story fits in with your character or if it even had a point to it other than being something fun to write. It was a good read and I enjoyed it, had it been any longer though and the reader may have grown bored of it. Still, there needs to be some kind of point to it other than the experience you’re going to gain, or is that all you were after? It was just a battle thread, a dream battle where the character is actually fighting himself, hence the cute title. But no real revelations came from it. It was a nice light thread, but I feel that something could have been done to give it more of a point.

Setting: - 7 Your first post had almost no setting. It was your character going from one area to another yet it was like he walked through blackness for nothing was described. Now, in the second post your creativity for setting really comes to life, giving the reader what they want. They can see and feel the teahouse and the beautiful gardens they’re set in. I would have enjoyed a little more interacting with it, after all it was a battle and when someone drops a weapon they should use their surroundings, but still a good job.

Pacing: - 7 For starters, I’d drop that first post. It’s pointless, it doesn’t even set the reader up for what’s coming and it doesn’t tell the reader much besides the fact that Elijah has been in Radasanth for three weeks, which you could have mentioned elsewhere anyway. Starting off with the second post immediately throws the reader into this dream world and the battle that’s about to take place. It’s much more descriptive and interesting. Other than that, your pacing was fine. I thought it ended a little abruptly and that you could have done more for the conversation, but the flow of the battle was nice.

Character

Dialogue: - 7 The dialogue was good between the characters, though I enjoyed the inner dialogue in third person more so than first person. I liked the way they bantered back and forth as if long time friends. Even when they fought their japes at one another were friendly enough, though I do question the intelligence of stopping mid battle to lecture someone on their fighting skills.

Persona: - 6 I don’t think you have a good enough feel for Nadia yet as much as you do for Elijah. It’s there but not as developed and as such her inner dialogue just isn’t as good. I actually get a better feel for her from Elijah’s perspective than her own. By the way, in the beginning of the thread, Nadia had jade eyes, then we went to deep blue and a post or two later they were back to being jade again. Make up your mind! Elijah seems like a solid enough character, but I believe he got lost somewhere in this fight scene. It felt like it was about Nadia more so than him, even though it was taking place in his own mind.

Action: - 7 Actions appeared to be balanced out well enough between the two characters to show the different personality of Elijah and Nadia. Her sadistic nature perhaps doesn’t come out as much as it should, but I’m sure it will the more you use it. Elijah’s compassion is truly shown when he doesn’t kill her when given the opening, though it was predictable to say the least that Nadia would in turn kill him for such a thing. Elijah was a bit repetitive with the use of his ice magic, but it was something noted ICly and thus doesn’t detract from your score.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 7 Sometimes you throw in unnecessary words, like an extra ‘to’ or ‘a’ here and there that you don’t need. Few spelling mistakes, but they still do exist and barely any grammatical mistakes. Just keep re-reading your posts to flush things out more.

Technique: - 5 You’re good at writing both in the first person and the third person, but throwing the two of them into a quest like this where post to post you’re forcing the reader from one P.O.V. to the next is too much. You need to pick one P.O.V. and stick with it, otherwise the reader just gets too lost going from first to third person.

Clarity: - 9 What can I say? It was clear.

Wild Card: - 6 A fun read, and I’m sure it was fun to write. Would have liked to see more point to it though.

Total: 66

Reward:

Elijah receives 850 experience and 100 GP!

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.