Lifeless (Open, a spot for Homonculus reserved)

[Graphic Description]

((Okay, a few things before we get started...

1. THIS IS MY FIRST BATTLE. If I do anything wrong, please tell me, so I don't do it again. Also, since I'm a newbie, please refrain from joining if you are Lv.2 or higher.

2. Don't overuse the magic. It's not a very magical setting. You can use some spells, just... not too many.

3. There is no limit to how many people can join. Don't hesitate!))





Dusty shelves. Shattered glass doors. Binders, papers and computers strewn haphazardly about. A circular hole in one monitor, blood coating the edge of the broken ring. Demonica wandered this barren place, occasionally mumbling to herself as a reminder that she, unlike the deserted building, was still alive. Her crimson tail twitched nervously, her claws unsheathed and wings outstretched. Why had she come here? Demonica couldn't say. It was just another impulse in a world that rarely made any sense. Something, the "crazy" part of her drew her to the fallen remnants of Skagen Corp. They had been a business at some point… The demon didn't bother herself with trivia like that. As she carelessly kicked a chair out of her way, a loud creak startled her. A ceiling tile fell. Someone was coming.

[Abomination]

(( If this building being in the woods doesn't work for you, please PM me and I'll change to reflect your new choice of setting. ))

The first instinct was hunger. After his initial DNA extraction which determined his sex, body structure, and basic physical features, the kind of mass accumulation that befitted his act of cannibalism was no longer necessary. This Homunculus body could sustain itself without any further nutrients. Yet, that was all he knew in this incomplete form. He had no concept of self, no aspirations or goals, not even the construct of reason. He learned two things from the man he devoured: Hunger and fear.

As he wandered the woods, he paid no mind to the amazing things he was witnessing, even though his brain was absorbing the information rapidly. The greenness of the leaves, the brownness of the trees, tiny creatures that walked beneath his feet, the feeling of twigs snapping under his toes, the warmth of sunlight, to name a few. He was not thinking of these things, but his mind was comprehending them, almost understanding them. Perhaps the extraction process took more than just DNA, but a conditioned understanding of things. He knew that he could speak clearly, he knew how to displace himself from the objects around him, he could tell the differences between many things.

A tall building stood before him, covered in various earthly growth. He knew that such a structure was alien to this forest, that it was constructed. He also knew that in buildings, there were often people. This is what his mind knew, but his immediate attention was focused on his desire for nourishment. Large, dusty doors stood on his path into the building. With a thrust, he pushed his hand into one of them, which caused it to fall over with a thump, creaking loudly as it went down. A ceiling tile fell down and shattered nearby. He proceeded into a long hallway at the same pace, despite feeling some familiarity with his surroundings. There was someone here.

[Graphic Description]

Footsteps. The crunching of glass beneath non-existent shoes. Silently, Demonica rounded a corner, following the noise. In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to do, but demons are notoriously curious.

"Hello? Someone there? Come on out, I won't hurt ya." That was a blatant lie. Of course she would hurt them. It was probably just a human, and humans were her favorite prey. How delightfully they shrieked as Demonica drew near, begging for mercy - and how the demon smiled sadistically when she refused to give it. Yes, the blood of many a careless mortal had stained her claws a permanent red. But… this thing that strode through the hallway ahead… It was unlike any human.

An albino, maybe. But it had no clothes, no defining marks of any kind, save for an hourglass mark on his thigh. Was it part black widow? No, it had the build of a human. A mutant, that's what Demonica figured it was. She felt pity for such a blank being. Still, everyone was an enemy until proven otherwise.

"Hey, you. You got a name?... or clothing?"

[Abomination]

More and more he absorbed his surroundings. The grayness of the walls, the pain from stepping on glass barefoot, causing him to learn to sidestep potentially harmful objects.

He stopped.

"Hello? Someone there? Come on out, I won't hurt ya."

His suspicions were confirmed as his heart starting pounding harder at the thought of his next meal. In a defiant stance, a strange girl appeared from around a corner. Wings protruded from her body, a tail was being dragged from behind. It was a strange creature, perhaps just as strange as he was. She looked upon him with curiosity, yet his eyes were shaking.

"Hey, you. You got a name? ...Or clothing?"

He knew not what a name was, but clothing sounded familiar. He was not concerned with her words, as he was done looking her over like a tiger encircling its prey. He was truly nothing more than an animal at the moment, with thoughts such as securing clothing to protect his body from the environment taking the lowest priority compared to his natural urges.

Shrieking like a raptor, he lunged out at his prey, not knowing what to expect. His arms were held in front of him as he ran, his palms open and his fingers twitching as if he was grasping for something. He was planning to rip her face off and then work on the rest of her flesh from there.

[Graphic Description]

The... Well, whatever it was, it looked Demonica over intently, with a mixture of vague interest and animalistic bloodlust. It - or he, as it obviously was - seemed to avoid eye contact with the demon, instead staring at her wings, claws… Things he must have recognized to be even less human than he.

Without warning, the humanoid screamed and bolted towards Demonica, arms outstretched, hands curled into claw-shapes, face contorted in an angry grimace.

"What the hell-" She was cut short by a bone-jarring tackle. Her enemy pinned her to the floor, snarling and swiping madly at her eyes. Instinctively, Demonica covered her face with her hands. How embarrassing to be caught off-guard by a measly subhuman! Rage boiled within her like a poison.

"Get offa me!!!" the demon cried, shoving the boy away and slashing at him with her talons. The attack was fruitless, however, as anger can make it difficult to aim properly. "You're like an animal! What do ya wanna do, eat me?!?!"

Though it was said in sarcasm, it would ironically be true.

[Abomination]

Evolution can be a powerful thing. Throughout history, many creatures have evolved down many paths, most of them ending in extinction. Some say animals became the way they are through natural selection, others say it was mere chance. There are also those that believe higher powers had a hand in things. This would be one of those times, chiefly the one who believed he could be like a god in the creation process: The Alchemist.

As the Homunculus tackled the girl down, he tried to bury his nails into her face but ended up swiping at the back of her hand as well. His fingers dug into her flesh at each swipe, growling and hissing as he went. One droplet of blood managed to find itself on one of his fingers, and a chill ran down his spine. It was hard to tell whether the chill was caused by the fact the droplet disappeared into his finger like water on a sponge, or the pain from falling onto his back as shards of shattered glass pierced his flesh.

Either way, a change had begun to occur within his body. His eyes gained pupils, his irises developed a grayish-blue tint, his buzz cut hair grew to a half-inch dark brown color, his body became less pale and glossy, and all his teeth became sharp like a carnivore's. He felt a rumble all the way from his shoulders to the small of his back, stopping short just above his pelvis, but this tense feeling faded. It seems that whatever was happening to him had been cut short, or maybe the process wasn't as extreme and life-changing as the first one. More importantly, he was no longer hungry, or rather he felt the same way after devouring his first victim.

The sudden confusion and sapped appetite put his other principal feeling into perspective: Fear. Expressing shock, he lifted his body up and crossed his arms, closing his fists as the girl swiped at him in rage with her more effective talons. His arms felt like they were going to fall apart on some of the strikes, but most of them just caused a streak of pain to run through his body.

"You're like an animal! What do ya wanna do, eat me?!?!" The girl yelled, and this time he actually comprehended the entire sentence.

He dropped his arms and backflipped several feet, landing awkwardly and falling on a knee. He stood up, his arms twitching with streams of blood rolling down them. His back and feet were also bleeding, and evolution now took place within his mind. He was about to take off running in the opposite direction, but he felt a new painful strain in his head: Logic. He knew that he would not be able to outrun her, information reasoned from their little skirmish. His fear led to a new concept: survival. The very first creature he came across has the potential to kill him, and his lack of knowledge has forced him into this situation. He was no longer concerned with fear and hunger. His new objectives were survival and knowledge, in that order. His brain then determined that words have meanings, and his naivety believed them to be true. She said she would not hurt him, but only before he attacked her. He formed a simple solution: Do not attack her, and he won't receive damage. He looked straight into her eyes for the first time.

With that, he stretched out his arm with his palm facing her, and uttered his first words in a quiet, raspy voice, "N... No."

It was a reply to her last question. No longer were instincts the domineering portion of his being. In fact, he had completely forgotten why he attacked her in the first place. His face was still covered in fear and confusion.

[Graphic Description]

Everything began to slow. The adrenaline that fueled Demonica's swift reflexes in combat now left her. The boy had fallen onto some broken glass, pain beginning to register on his face. Still, he stared at his finger, paying little attention to his numerous other wounds. He blinked, slowly, as if his eyelids were made of fire, and refocused his eyes on Demonica. He had a grayish-blue eye color and a pupil now, and his hair lengthened to a half-inch of dark, nearly black brown - same as his enemy's. The demon let out a gasp. His skin color, his fangs… Somehow, this thing had taken her DNA, like a parasite. The first true glimpse of civilized emotion became visible on his newly-developed features. Fear. Utter, paralyzing horror. He understood. The boy had attacked a demon, and he now knew the sad truth. She would kill him. She would stab him with her cruel claws and kill him. Such a short existence.

The cynical question still rang in the air:

"You're like an animal! What do ya wanna do, eat me?!?!"

He raised his palm and gave a clear, logical, though fear-coated answer: "N… No."

Demonica locked eyes with him. He was ignorant. He couldn't have known that losing in battle would cost him his life. But now he comprehended the sad world in which he lived. And, in some pitiful way, he comprehended death. An emotion long dormant in the demon surfaced, deeply hidden after years of bloodthirsty conquest. Pity.

"You… You understand me now."

She sheathed her claws and produced a roll of gauze from the pack clipped over her shoulder, behind her left wing.
"You're not human… anymore. So, I won't feel guilty about this." Carefully, with as much delicacy as she could, she pulled a shard of glass from his back, and applied a small pad of gauze to stop the bleeding.

"If you want, I'll help with the rest…"

[Abomination]

He felt uneasy. Like a cornered kitten about to be picked up by a new owner, he stood perfectly still. To be out of rage so easily, and even help him, this world was more and more confusing to him. His heart was still beating fast, and it felt like something demonic was running around inside his body. Something fierce and unyielding passed through his heart many times, almost stopping it on each go. He felt a sting as she pulled a shard out of his back and applied a gauze pad. He quickly moved away from her and took a ready stance, his expression changed to reflect a new emotion: Anger. He bared his new, sharp fangs. He did not understand his new feeling, but he felt it the moment she touched him. He had developed sharp, defined black eyebrows. The bleeding from several of his lighter wounds had stopped, and a sizzling mist rose above his cuts.

His voice, more defined to express his new emotion, roared out, "Stay away from me!"

He blamed her. He was fine until she touched him, he reasoned. The pity in her eyes made it even worse for him, although he did not understand why. The new, demonic blood in his body had not yet taken root. His vision blurred, his sight obscured by a new rage. He was far more unstable than her, and he wanted nothing more than to get out of here. He did not gain any of her knowledge, her memories, or her abilities as he did with his first assimilation, perhaps the first strand of DNA he clung to would be his defining factor and the rest mere relocations, or maybe he simply did not find someone strong enough. Although, during the assimilation process, there was a brief period during the end of the cycle where his target's abilities would surface one last time.

The whole place shook for a second, and a couple of weak ceiling tiles fell to the door, scattering dust. He bent down and picked up a few shards of class and stone, and clenched them into his fist. Although they cut into his hand, his fist pulsed, and the shards became slightly toxic. Chucking these at his enemy, he took off around the corner. Unfortunately, their little exchange had switched their positions, so he was running blind deeper into the building. He thought the shards would be enough of a deterrence to get away this time, or at least find someplace to hide. Besides getting out of here alive, other thoughts were running through his mind. He needed to find someone strong to protect him, someone he could trust. These thoughts were juvenile, a simplistic view of safety.

It seems he had evolved from an animal into a child.

[Graphic Description]

"Stay away from me!"

Anger. Something so familiar to Demonica, something that had caused the slaughter of friend and foe, something that had both ruined her life and saved it. And it seemed that the parasite had absorbed it. The irony forced a chuckle from the girl.

He bared his fangs like a demon, the blood near his wounds beginning to boil. The building shook. Ceiling tiles fell, creating a veil of dust that shrouded the battleground. The realization hitting her like a slap to the face, Demonica leapt back.

"If he looks like me and acts like me, he has my demonic blood - he can do anything that I can."

The parasite grabbed a handful of splintered glass and broken stone, clenching his fist around the shrapnel. Turning, he drilled the shards at his enemy, then ran further down the hallway, turning a corner. The girl could only flinch and cover her face as the debris rained down upon her.

"Interesting… He is far more physically coordinated than I." she thought.

Instantly, she was struck by a burning sensation; not too severe, but enough to make her wince. Her fingers were coated in her own blood. She stared at the red fluid intently. Pausing for a moment to rub her eyes, the demon darted down the hall, following the boy.

[Abomination]

The pain was more of a hindrance than anything else. He was slowing down every step of the way due to the sharp jolts from his lower body. Knowing he couldn't keep up this pace, he ran into one of the rooms and closed the door behind him. She was definitely following, from the sound of the footsteps. He blinked a few times after this and took a few steps back, wondering what exactly he had just done. Something crunched under his foot and he looked behind him to see a dusty pile of bones wearing clothes. The entire room was a mess: cubicles with walls knocked over, furniture in pieces, just about everything was broken in some shape or form. He took one of the mostly-intact desks and pushed it in front of the door.

He calmed down a bit, it would be hard to tell exactly which room he ran into, as many of them had closed doors. His anger subsided, and likewise his body no longer felt like it was going to fail at any moment, so whatever he did before would be impossible to replicate now. He wondered how she avoided all this trouble. Her only wounds were on the exposed parts of her body, perhaps it was... Hey, you. You got a name?... or clothing?

It dawned on him that he had neither of these things. He had no idea what a name was, but clothing sounded like a good idea. Picking up the dusty clothes off the ground, he put on a white shirt and some pants. Brushing the debris off his feet, he put on the shoes too, although they were clearly not meant for running. He looked like he was about to go to a job interview, if it wasn't for the various rips in the clothing and the fact it looked like it was going to fall apart on him. There was no time to develop his style of fashion though, as his time was up.

He grabbed an overturned desk chair and held it up, blood drops from his hands dripping onto the floor. He stood several feet away from the door, ready to throw the chair as soon as the door was busted down, as he felt it would be. As soon as the chair is thrown, he will dash into his target and try to knock her out, this time with closed fists. His survival depended on being able to beat people like this, so he had to at least try. It was getting hard for him to stay standing without shaking.

[Graphic Description]

The pain barely registered in Demonica's mind as she trampled over debris. Oh… that parasite! She had honestly tried to help him, and what did he do? He tried to kill her. Still, the demon figured it served her right. Sympathy was a sign of weakness, something despised by her kind. She should have killed him, like the other humans. He wasn't worth keeping alive. Now, however, murder was the only thing on her mind, fueled by fury.

Demonica followed the gruesome sound of crunching bones to a relatively intact private office. Unlike the cubicles, the walls remained upright and the door usable. As the girl slammed against it, it seemed that her enemy had been quite clever. Something had been pushed against the door… but, no matter. She was heavy enough to break it down. Demonica paced backward, pausing a few yards from the door. She let out a blood-curdling howl, like a dragon, and charged at it.

Contact. Splinters brought tears to her eyes, forcing them to close. She had landed on (and broken) a desk, and… The remains of a plastic chair lay about her. Her head throbbed. The parasite just stared at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Demonica was silent. Conscious, but silent. She dared not move. He was watching… perhaps deciding to leave her or kill her. And she was too dazed to do much about it, either way.

[Abomination]

He was perplexed. Why was it not... hot? His feelings told him that such a phenomenon should burn him.

The demon girl was incapacitated. He saw her fall down and was about to finish the job, but now he couldn't see her. All of his surroundings were engulfed in flames, an inferno that he couldn't feel. The same experience of nausea that plagued him before was back. He fell to his knees, holding his head and closing his eyes. A vision passed through his mind, of screams and houses burning. Was this happening to him? Was he going to die? No, he wanted to survive. He was not going to die.

At least not like, "The Serkans..."

He did not know why he suddenly thought of that and said it out loud, but for a brief moment, he understood their plight. Perhaps the previous assimilation theory was wrong. Maybe The Homunculus could absorb more than he thought, or it's possible that these are just bits and pieces, never to be contained into a whole, never to surface again... unless he was to get close to the one he assimilated.

He opened his eyes and the illusion was broken, or so he thought. Nothing was on fire, but now everything was stained in red. Some sort of red liquid was pouring from every crack in the ceiling. Impulsively, he got up and ran to the end of the room where there was light shining through a crack. Pushing aside a fallen cubicle wall, a broken window was revealed. Forgetting the girl, all he thought about was getting out of here. He knew that if he stayed a moment longer, he would see something terrible, something he could not unsee: His worst nightmare. Taking off his shoes that he found were painful and impeded his movement, he jumped through the glassless window, and immediately took off running as he landed in a mossy clearing between some trees. He wouldn't run long before passing out from his wounds, but it would be far enough.

As he ran, he started thinking. He had a true desire: To become stronger. He began to realize what he was little by little, although not who he was. He had decided to try to discard his emotions. It was quite a change from his instinctual initial state, as he was a completely different being since the assimilation occurred once more. Demonica's DNA was not the only thing he had gained from her, she gave another gift: Free will.

[Graphic Description]

Slowly, reluctantly, Demonica opened her eyes. She had lost consciousness at some point… The parasite-boy! Yes, she remembered him. The battle, the door… Though her mind worked slowly after suffering a concussion, it nonetheless recalled everything. Yet, as Demonica shakily stood, she could only think about one thing: a dream that she'd had when she was out cold.

A tank filled with a clear solution, wires attached almost everywhere to her naked, featureless body. Scientists looking in, peering at their charts, writing furiously if she so much as breathed. Then, shaking, a horrid shaking. Silence, darkness… then sunlight. A crack on the tank she was contained in. A lumberjack, cowering in fear…

This was no dream. No, it was too real to be a mere vision. It was a memory. Not her memory, of course. Someone else's. Perhaps it was the boy…

Some things, however, are best left unknown. Without a word, she fled the building.

[Christoph]

General notes: Since this is Graphic Description’s first battle (And probably Homunculus’s as well), I will go into a little detail regarding what each of the categories in the rubric is for.

It was an interesting little battle. I see potential in both of you, and I hope that you use this judgment to improve for next time.

Graphic Description’s scores are in red and Homunculus’s are in blue.

Continuity: 2/ 4
This asks, “Why is the story taking place?” Did this battle fit into your character’s overall storyline? Is there a clear reason for them to be there, and did it end with a clear picture of where they were going?

Graphic design: I really didn’t get much of anything from you regarding how Demonica got there, or where she was going after she left the building. Remember, each quest and each battle is but one piece of the puzzle that is your character’s story. Every piece needs to fit somehow.

Homunculus: I got a little bit more of an idea from you regarding where your character came from. You at least put some effort into working it in to his overall story, but I still got a very limited idea regarding why he happened to be wherever it was this took place. You, too, left off leaving the reader with no idea how this all fits in or what is going to happen next.

Setting: 5/ 4
This is self-explanatory. It involves where the battle is taking place and how the characters interact with it.

Graphic design: Firstly, this wasn’t a citadel battle so much as it was just a random encounter. As such, I really didn’t have a good feel for where in Althanas (or outside of Althanas) this took place (this also affected continuity for both of you). Other than that, you gave me a reasonable idea as to what the place looked like. Unfortunately, the sensory details were fairly vague. You both would have benefited from more vivid descriptions. A slight advantage here goes to you because I felt that you did better in using your surroundings in the fight.

Homunculus: See above. Also, try to use your environment more in your writing. It will do wonders for the realism.

Pacing: 4/3
Did the plot develop well? Did posts flow well? Did you keep the reader interested? These questions define pacing.

Graphic Description: It was a bit on the fast side. Using more details in the future would help. Obviously, you don’t want to have a personal epiphany every post, but try not to rush. For both of you, the battle ended very abruptly.

Homunculus: Don’t repost other characters’ actions in your posts; it really hurts the pacing of your posts. Also, sometimes it felt like you went off on random tangents, but you did it in such a way that it didn’t hurt your pacing very much.

Dialogue: 5/7
This represents how well your character’s dialogue fits their character, and how much it portrays them.

Graphic description: Not too bad. The dialogue seemed to fit Demonica’s character relatively well. Sometimes, the wording in her dialogue felt a little unnatural. "Interesting… He is far more physically coordinated than I." It was decent, but there is still plenty of room for improvement. Once you get more used to your character, this should get easier for you.

Homunculus: Your dialogue was random, confusing, and illogical… and it fit your character nicely. There’s still room for improvement, but it was fairly effective.

Action: 5/6
Are your character’s actions realistic and creative? Do they coincide with what your character wants and needs, as opposed to what you, the writer, want?

Graphic Description: Fairly average. Demonica’s actions seemed to fit her character decently. More detailed actions and creativity here will help improve your scores in the future.

Homunculus: See my comments for you in Dialogue. I wasn’t quite as impressed here as I was in Dialogue, but it was still pretty good.


Persona: 6/7
This involves your characters’ inner thoughts an emotions, and how effectively you portray their personalities.

Graphic Description: Pretty good, but not extraordinary. Demonica struck me as a mostly cold-blooded demon who delights in dealing death, but also has conflicting emotions of mercy that she despises. Work on defining that dichotomy further.

Homunculus: I’m not sure what else to say beyond what I’ve said in Dialogue and action. I got a good sense of your character’s personality… or rather, the lack thereof. You did a good job in portraying the shock and confusion caused by absorbing aspects of his foe’s personality.


Technique: 4/5
This is special literary devices. Metaphors, foreshadowing, personification, and so on. How well were they used?

Graphic Description: I didn’t see anything in the way of advanced literary techniques here. Your style was also a little choppy at times. I have two suggestions: add more details to your posts, and read your posts out loud to get a feeling for how it feels when you speak it.

Homunculus: I didn’t see much in the way of special literary devices from you, either. Your style is a little more advanced, but it could still use much more. Add some color and flavor to your posts and you will see some great results, I think.

Mechanics: 6/8
This is pretty self-explanatory.

Graphic Description: Your main problem is that there are too many sentence fragments. They can work to accent your style, but use them in moderation. Other than that, there weren’t too many glaring spelling or grammar mistakes.

Homunculus: Nothing stuck out too badly. There were a few run-on sentences, but it was pretty solid on the whole.

Clarity: 5/6

Graphic Description: Your lack of detail hurt you here. Describe your surroundings and actions more thoroughly to avoid confusion. Also, the fragments can make your writing hard to read sometimes. It wasn’t awful, but you can definitely work to improve it.

Homunculus: Your writing suffers from the same lack of detail, though not as badly. I generally got a decent idea of what was going on from your end.


Wild Card: 7/7
Graphic Design: Not bad for a first battle. You have some potential. Besides, it’s always fun when a demon gets freaked out by something.

Homunculus: You have an interesting character concept that could definitely go somewhere interesting. I’ll be watching his unique progress with interest in the future.


Total:

Graphic Design: 49

Homunculus: 57

Homunculus is the winner! Congratulations!


Rewards/Spoils:

Homunculus gains 525 EXP, 160 GP, and a white shirt and a pair of black pants that smell like old corpses, with a nametag labeled “Steve Johnson: telephone sanitizer, second class,” found in the pocket of the pants.

Graphic Desire gains 150 EXP, 140 GP, and a fancy pen found on top one of the damaged desks. (Cannot be sold)

[Letho]

EXP and corrected GP for the winner (450 GP) added.