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View Full Version : Karate Kid vs. Little Mermaid: Rated R for Mature Content



Breaker
08-17-07, 10:51 PM
This thread has been rated R for Raunchy. If you're not sexy, or don't appreciate sexy things, you may not want to read this.




"Boris, you didn't empty the chamber pot last night!"
"I was bloody drunk!"

The voices of the inkeeper and his wife invaded my dreams as I tried to sleep in.

I had been experimenting with lucid dreaming over the past few nights, successful in controlling the dream quite often, considering my beginner's status. At that very moment I was flying through the night sky like Superman, wind rippling through hair, clothing and eyelids like a rocket-propelled cartoon character. The roaring in my ears changed to the sound of the couple squabbling, and suddenly I was in a pub, flying headfirst at a barrel of ale. In the dream, I performed an incredible flip-turn to escape through an open window to the freedom of the sunlit skies.

In reality, I rolled over from my back to my front, squishing my nose and mouth against the pillows.

"No, it was night. The sky was dark."

The blue sky which had too recently been black darkened to a fatal azure.

"That's better. Yes, it was dark."

"... it was an almost navy shade, all around me, with aqua fluorescence blinding from above. I couldn't breathe! I was under water, I realized suddenly. For some reason it didn't seem real, I felt like I should be able to change it. But that was just the shock, surely. I panicked and began swimming for the surface, kicking my way into the blinding light. Light meant sun, and sun meant up, when you were under water. I squinted against the ultraviolet rays-- they almost seemed magnified by permeating the water. It hurt my eyes, but I needed to open them wide, to see how far the surface was. I ..."

I opened my eyes, waking up instantly. My back arched, powerful muscles pulling in between each vertibrae and bringing my face clear of the linen pillowcase. I gasped a breath through my mouth, then looked around. The sun shone brightly through a window at the head of my bed. I groaned and kicked the unfamiliar blankets away. Most mornings I woke up to the sounds of birds singing as the first fingers of dawn crept over lush green treetops. Overlseeping made me feel groggy and mixed up, like the day was shorter than it should be.

"That was a bloody realistic dream."

I paused half-way out of bed. I was beginning to talk like the locals, even in my thoughts. It didn't really bother me, and then I realized just how scary that was. Less than a year since I left Earth behind, and already I had adapted to a new planet. Of course, the people on Althanas weren't exactly aliens. Their customs extra-terrestrial perhaps, but not their bodies and minds. The only real adjustment I had had to make was to forget about technology. Not an easy task, but I was getting there.

I showered quickly, glad to have access to such facilities. The Visitors Inn was an expensive bed and breakfast style lodge. It offered a limited service, with only three rooms to rent, but I was the only tenant at the time and glad of it. The water was tepid at best, but still left me feeling refreshed and clean. Noticing the thick, bristly stubble on my chin while scrubbing my face, I decided that a shave was in order. Such niceties weren't part of my daily routine on Althanas, but what the hell, this was my day off.

Freshly groomed by the deft maneouverings of my straight razor, I dressed in beige shorts and a white shirt with short sleeves. It had odd looping buttons that had confused me at first. Overcoming the garment, I slipped out my bedroom window and headed for the nearest market. Avoiding a host and hostess so obviously enraptured with each other seemed like a brilliant idea, and I was confident I could procure my own breakfast. Nourishment came in the form of a chunk of bread with mildly questionable meat smeared across it. Tossing it from one hand to the other like a hot potato, I took a few back streets I had memorized and headed for my Dajas Pagoda arena. The pastry tasted good enough, and more importantly fueled my body to full alert.

Due to the injury I had suffered the previous night, Headquarters had given me the day of from my duties as a Hierarch. Of course, after a visit from one of the Pagoda's Healers, the deep gash in my thigh was a bad memory. A nasty scar remained and the muscle was tight as a reef not, but with a little extra effort I managed full mobility. I had plans for a long, solid workout, starting with intensive stretching to loosen the leg, then--

I stopped short, my thoughts extinguished like a severred fuse. My arena was in shambles. The doors hung askew, barely dangling from their hinges, revealing a disastrous interior. Broken glass from four smashed windows littered the floor, floating shrapnel amidst the mud, water and blood mingled on the mats and hardwood.

Of course, this didn't surprise me. It had been like that when I left the night before. But some part of me, some inner Earthling that truly did not understand the nature of Althanas, had expected the arena to be repaired as magically as my leg. Evidently, it did not work that way. A construction crew had started up already, men with thick sun-dark arms removing the doors for scraping and repainting. They worked hard, driven by a desire to get home as soon as possible, but it would still be a few days before the arena might look "good as new".

The previous night all hell had broken loose in the Dajas Pagoda. Looking back, I still didn't quite understand how it had all gone down. The events accelerated like a kamikaze motorboat, me the unwitting waterskier holding on for dear life. A terrorist had invaded my arena, requesting sanctuary from the Inquisition, but not before nearly splitting my femoral artery in a short lived swordfight. Soon after the Inquisition themselves had arrived, trashing the humble arena savagely. A cleaning crew arrived, giving the construction workers a wide berth before starting to mop up the bile lining the floor. Apparently, my day off was due to a lack of premises for challengers to attack me in. Disapointed, I determined not to let this ruin the day for me. I would find something constructive to do-- and enjoy myself, even if it killed me.

Just two streets over I entered an excellent bakery, my arrival earning a wide smile from the owner and resident baker.

"What are you up to today Josh Cronen? Not fightin' duels in that big bubble of yours?"

The girl's name was Shawna Barry, skinny despite enjoying her own fantastic cooking. She had a hearty grin and buoyant brown eyes. A trip to her bakery always improved my spirits, only partially due to the delight her ovens produced on a daily basis.

"I thought I'd head for the hills today Shawnie, do some hiking, maybe along the cliffs. I've never seen much of the area. Pack me enough food for two meals, will you?" I dropped a sack of thick gold coins on the flour stained counter. She would take what I owed, and I trusted her with the money. Althanas had become an easy place to make friends once I adjusted, learning to trust my instincts.

"Here you go, Warrior," She teased, referring to my position in Dajas Pagoda. "Plenty of grub for two full meals. If you're thinking of taking the cliffs, you have to see Lunar Lagoon." I took the paper sack, sliding it into my backpack without taking my eyes from hers.

"Lunar Lagoon? You do realize it's gotta be six hours before noon, even?"

She laughed powerfully, either at my wit or my uninformed blundering.

"It'll take you near on six hours to get there Josh. I figured a hardy fellow like you would be up to the journey. It's leagues from anywhere, Lunar Lagoon, but Scara Brae is closest. Most beautiful place I ever saw, it was. I suggest you head out there, spend the day to watch the moon rise, then hike back by moonlight. The cliff paths are safe as can be lit up by that pale glow." She shivered at the memory, and seeing the bare honesty in her eyes was enough to make me take her advice. I thanked Shawna and left the bakery at top speed.

Fifteen minutes later I was jogging-- perhaps sprinting-- out of Scara Brae. I was an obsessive runner, and new it well. Able to maintain top speed over long periods of time, I pounded along hardpack trails which wove through the sparse forest's underbrush. Ducking under whippy branches and leaping the roots which scarred the forest floor, I quickly made it to the cliffside hiking paths the baker had spoken of. They did not look well used, but were mostly carved out of solid rock, so overgrowth wasn't a problem. I wondered if some ancient magic had been used to sculpt the thin, shallow ravines, imagining a battle between mages of celestial powers. More likely, it had been natural erosion caused by ice or water, but I enjoyed the mental images of a fireball hot enough to melt stone.

I slowed to a steady hike, treading carefully over the high cliffs. Often as far below as fifty metres, the ocean was most unnaturally calm, liquid blue green, bright in the scalding sun. As refreshing as a swim woud be, I had no desire to fall, or jump into the ocean hypnotic ocean. My well tanned skin dealt with the heat admirably, and I dodged in and out of shadows to avoid a sunburn. I hiked for several hours, pausing to drink from my canteen and eat salty venison jerky whenever I started to feel tired. By the time the sun approached its zeinth, the sculpted rock paths had given way to shale cliffs, layered rock which provided a never ending staircase.

On a hunch, I began to meditate, wrapping myself in an ultraperceptive void and pushing up the sensitivity of my ears. Superhuman senses did the trick; I could hear the familiar roaring of a waterfall in the distance. Releasing the void I began climbing a particularly high bit of cliff. Shawna had mentioned something about a waterfall, and knowing I was close pushed me to scramble up the incline. Using my hands on the rough stone to pull my body up faster, and before long I crested the summit. As my head poked into clear blue sky, Lunar Lagoon came into view.

What I saw took my breath away.

Siren
08-20-07, 07:01 PM
Mention of Orun's actions approved by Green is the new black.
Siren strode breezily through the dimly lit pre-dawn streets of Scara Brae. If Orun didn't find her before his Pagoda match, he'd probably assume she was still with the rogue she'd slept with the night before, and assume she'd go on to flirt with enough men to make a rag-tag crew for their next undertaking.

She wouldn't, though. She'd already done that the night before, after the reserved half-Orc had gone up to sleep. He probably hadn't wanted to stick around to see which of the many choices she'd go with for that evening, and she'd been able to get some "honest" work done.

Never mind what that entailed... To say the least, her methods of getting attention were effective. So effective, in fact, that even women of less than honest reputation had had several unkind remarks for her. Those had stopped after she'd grabbed and kissed the most obnoxious of the wenches. It hadn't been trouble after that to recruit ten men and then skip to the next tavern to find someone fun.

Lazy land-bound bastard's probably still asleep, she thought as she purchased some oranges. The thought that he'd be surprised at having been the one left behind for a change made her giggle, even as a poster caught her eye. She used the excuse of peeling the orange to look for the man Orun would face, and found him easily enough. Huacamon Axayotl was another spear-wielder. Siren hadn't seen many spear-wielders even among other sailors, and was happy to see her weapon of choice at least represented.

The other Pagoda warriors didn't seem anything special. There was Anila Sakurazuka, whose calm brown eyes gazed back into Siren's silver ones with about as much excitement as a deckhand on scrubbing duty. Asuka Murakama glared back at her with an intensity that made the half-Mer want to show her how much fun it could be to shake her hips or shove a spear through her face. Zerith Draconisus was attractive, but too skinny for her tastes, and Joshua Cronen was apparently out of commission today. It was almost a pity, he had the kind of build that Siren appreciated.

Still, it wouldn't do to let herself be distracted. While this Josh Cronen might be tall and muscular, he also might have the gall to not be interested in her, and she had another agenda. An agenda three years in the making. For that, she had to go to Lunar Lagoon.

Taking a bite of her first orange slice, Siren pulled her compass out of her shirt and let the needle wobble around. She'd need its guidance along the way if she didn't want to get lost.

Three years before, she'd been on an expedition that had resulted in disaster. The ship had been downed, and whatever of the crew was rescued from the water had been sent to prison or worse. The rest - primarily low-ranking sailors such as herself - had been left to drown. So far from any land, those that didn't drown slowly relinquished their body heat to the sea, and so perished. Her heritage saved her life. Not only was her skin like enough to her mother's that the chill of autumn waters didn't phase her, but in the water her hands and feet regained the webbing she lost on dry land. She missed having a tail, but she had a human father somewhere. Not much to be done about having lost it.

She alone had been able to swim toward land, and lucky happenstance had put her near a pod of dolphins who were able to carry her the rest of the way. The little island was deserted, but it hadn't been for long. She'd found alcohol, an intact rowboat, and a very interesting little trinket inside a shipwreck just off the spit of the island, and had made good her escape. She'd been picked up and brought to Scara Brae by a little schooner, and as she hadn't the faintest idea of what to do with her new trinket, she'd found a place to stash it until she could get back and learn what it was.

Well, now she was back, and striking out upon the road she needed to retrieve her item.

~*~

She reached Lunar Lagoon maybe half an hour before the sun hit its zenith. The day was hot and sticky, which irritated the buxom half-Mer. Perspiration streaked her smooth face and dampened her dark multi-hued hair, making it cling to her head. Not to mention her previously somewhat loose blue shirt was now molded to her body, and her pants were clinging to her legs.

At least now I can find it and go for a swim.

The blue lagoon was as lovely as she remembered it. The cool waters below called out to her like a long-lost lover, and every fiber of her being ached for the cool, sweet embrace of the briny water. Denying that call took all her self-control, but as she climbed down the cliff face she promised herself that as soon as she had her trinket, she'd give herself fully to the crystal blue waters.

Setting her feet upon the spongy plants at the water's edge, she took a number of carefully measured strides to find the place in the ground where she'd hidden her new toy so long ago. She then turned her driftwood and whale tooth spear into the ground to start probing.

Fifteen minutes did nothing, and when she reached her hand into the hole, she found nothing. It was then she remembered that she'd caught a scrawny deck hand, no older than sixteen, watching her that night. He'd claimed to have seen nothing, and she'd naively believed him.

"That damn bastard!"

Siren plunged her spear deep into the springy ground and grumbled for a few moments. She had no way to find whatever it was, and no way of even finding out what it did.

With a sigh, she looked down to the waters, innocently seducing her with the promise of a more tender and powerful caress than any man could ever hope to offer. The tiny waves lapped at the shore hypnotically, and without further reason to deny her only real love, Siren shed her weapons, boots, and shirt before slowly submerging herself, step by step, into the cold blue water of the lagoon.

It surrounded her only as the embrace of a lover could, and as she took the final step in, her eyes closed in utter rapture. She was completely surrounded by the salty water, encapsulated in a world so similar to the one she'd been born into, and her body reacted to the familiar environment in a way that felt like sweet release.

Thin membranes formed between her fingers and toes, and she felt little fleshy fins protrude along her forearms and lower legs. Once again, she was a creature of the sea, and she glided through the water with abandon, before pulling herself onto a large rock near the waterfall. Enough of the spray hit her that she maintained her webbed hands, but not so much that she couldn't feel the warm touch of the sun on her bare flesh.

What a perfect day to be alive.

Atzar
09-07-07, 03:33 PM
More than ten days have passed since 016573's last post. Therefore, Siren is the winner by default. Siren gains 150 GP as a result of the battle.

Siren is now permitted to challenge the Master rank. Good luck!