The War Part 1. (Open to 1)

[Lexxum_Vordic]

((I'll take on any comers, but I prefer a level 0 or 1, please stick this out to the end I don't like it when people drop my stuff))

((Experimental new style))

O doth the desert flow freely like the sands of time. O doth the war in the desert take place every day. Legions of beasts doth fight the eternal battle across the sands. And so, with an angry cry do'eth the people of the desert rise up against invaders and feed them to the carrions.--Original Poem by yours truly.


Wrath!

The killing thoughts guide my hand once again. Like the rest of my people I am a warrior. Proud. Raised with the violence of the desert in my hands. I've personally slain many on the sands before I hit the age of puberty, feeding upon their vile corpses. My claws tearing through flesh. I make my way across the sands now guiding my pack hunters through the chosen land of Suravani. My ancestors once flourished pre-Vadhya time. The sun baked upon my person, but I was used to it. I long dealt with the Fallien extremities of my land.

Over there, I see a pack of my people feeding, resting, relaxing. Some mating with their life-partner. I hadn't yet chosen my mate. Such things mattered very little to me, only the purity of the hunt. I was raised to be a warrior from my youth and now, I could test myself in front of my people. I made my way to the chosen sites of my ancestors. There, the rocky outcroppings were set up like a temple. In this temple, great warriors fought in the dune sea fierce battles devoted to the Althanas-Mother.

Seeing the solitary temple, a ruins from the ancient war, I looked upon the statues of fallen heroes of ancient Fallien. Mercilessly, did the sun breath down upon us all. Yet we were children of Suravani. We had her gifts and blessings thanks to the blood we spilled across the land in her name. I clenched my clawed, terrifying hands into a fist and felt the thrill of battle burning in my belly. There, I allowed my hunger to manifest itself for a few moments longer.

My people would look terrifying to the eyes of most mortal men. All but the bravest. I wandered into the temple, admiring the markings of the ancient Fallien Ones. These dark Phantom Priest manipulated the energies within the Temple much like the Monks of Ai'bron manipulated The Citadel's archaic forces. I knew this because my people knew this and I was raised in the ways of my people. I could feel the hungry eyes of the desert Phantoms as they looked upon my person. One of the Phantoms appeared before my person, a cloudy vapor of a figure. I could feel the Phantom breathing down my neck sending cold up my well developed spinal column.

"Why do you approach the Forsaken Ones?" It asked of me, testing my will.

"I WISH TO BE TESTED IN BATTLE!" I replied back, yelling at the Phantom, it nodded briefly the gesture looking strange as vapors moved upon vapors.

"Then proceed Lexxum Vordic. We know of your people. Our Kin grants you permission to use the Temple to do battle. Wage mighty war upon Suravani's bosom once more child of the desert!"

With violence in my heart, I proceeded forward into the circular arena to await my next victim.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

((I'm taking this with my other account so that it'll become a battle between my two Characters))

Feeling the fabrics of UASU underneath his black leather clothing took sometime to get used to. But after about a month of wearing it, the ghoul finally felt more comfortable having it on beneath his person. The strange little man made his way around The Gol'bron's camp with much ease now that the daylight hours were available to him. Lorenor hardly ever slept because there wasn't much need for him to. This was just one of the many nuances of being an undead. This day was turning out to be a day like any other, and The Endless were calm when usually they voiced their opinion on several matters loudly. Not today, today they were murmured quietly about shifting sands and Lorenor's acquisition of the papers from Fallien.

Having membership in the Gol'bron provided Lorenor with useful contacts and connections. Most importantly, the contacts to The Syndicate, the contacts to the Corone Rangers and yet still other groups. Many famous factions functioned within Corone that had ties to other the other continents. Once he requested his papers for Fallien it was a simple matter of using the system already in place. Lorenor had dual connections within Saint Denebriel's Cathedral and was obtaining growing connections with the Corone Rangers.

Something that the ghoul used to great effect. Sending the word up the chain of command weeks ago, Lorenor could do nothing but wait. His interest in Fallien had grown once he received wind that a tribe lurked there that trained outsiders. Lorenor hungered for power. These people, the Calerian, accepted members from outside their fold. Based on a dream of exodus, the small warrior would seek these people out. Finally, after many days of waiting, Lorenor's Fallien papers came through the pipe-lines. One of the many Monks of Ai'bron that lived on the Gol'bron site approached Lorenor.

"We have your official papers." The Monk said and handed him his papers. "You have an Exit Pass and official identification papers for Fallien. They took sometime to get made but you'll be able to travel freely through Fallien without fear of reprisal from the locals." The Monk said and Lorenor nodded. "Well that's good. Thank you for your services." The Monk nodded with respect and Lorenor returned the nod.

*************************************

Calibrating the giant ring to Fallien was a difficult process but a work able one thanks to the instructions of The Endless. Almost throughout the day there was a group of people working on The Ring investigating its matters and allowing Lorenor to approach whenever he made a new discovery about the ring. Calibrating the ring for Fallien using a nearby control panel to input the address, and the portal to Fallien ripped open upon itself. Lorenor saw the gate and stepped into it becoming atomized. The chain of command sent notification of Lorenor's arrival and the transportation portal in Fallien from Haidia opened up. There were guests from the Jya's Keep awaiting Lorenor.

They met with Lorenor and transported him to the spot where Lexxum Vordic awaited. It had all been arranged by the Gol'bron and individuals from the Church of Ethereal Sway. Lorenor approached the ruined building sensing the Phantoms about. It all coincided so that the warrior finally arrived just about an hour after Lexxum had. He had no idea what the Blood Lizard looked like, only an image of glowing red eyes from a dream. Lorenor entered the temple and paid his respects to the Phantoms that were present. The ghoul looked at the giant lizard beast for the first time and developed deep admiration for the saurian.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

After a time passed, my opponent arrived. The event almost precisely coincided with my arrival if not the for fact that the tiny one was a couple of hours late. I rested while I waited for my opponent to show up, the Phantoms of Fallien talking amongst themselves. I could hear them with my acute senses. But only to a degree, I passed this off as accidentally picking up on the psycho-kinetic feed back loop. My sense of hearing was fairly good and sometimes picked up on extra sound waves like that. The Mortals might call these matters auditory hallucinations.

Even sitting down, my bulk was impressive. I was much more massive than any of the Phantoms present, they were mostly the Men-folk of Fallien. These were the ghost that lingered Pre-Vadhya and Post-Vadhya. Some had honor but most had their very atma's tainted with the colors of greed. Such was the price of the human arrogance of Fallien. I rose to my full height standing at a eight feet in height. I looked down upon the little man, and judging by his markings, I assumed that he was an Atra! The man had all the classic appearances of the Atra, including the ashen grey skin.

A rotting smell of death filled the temple upon the Atra's arrival. I looked upon the apparition for a long moment trying to ascertain its strengths and weaknesses. This proved to no avail. Despite their size, I knew that the Atra had many secrets to them. By Mitra's wrath did I have rotten luck. To face an Atra in such an environment, in single combat was often viewed as an omen by the gods. The Elder Phantoms of Fallien tormented the hearts of Men-folk driving their minds insane by the torment, I knew this. And so now they tested me by sending me an Atra!

All at once I felt fury, I felt respect for the small creature, and I felt anger and joy. My joy came from the fact that the Phantoms were able to send to me such a worthy opponent. I saw that THIS particular Atra was armed when most of them were unarmed, preferring the gifts of Suravani's bosom, the dune sea, to be their weapons and their armor. An ARMED Atra was rumored by the people of Fallien to be extremely dangerous. I saw the creature wearing all black and armed with what appeared to be some sort of long-sword. Immediately, I saw that the boy lacked any real armor. All he seemed to wear was black leather covering his entire person. I observed that important detail immediately.

Perhaps these Atra shunned armor just like the Blood Lizards shunned armor as well? Maybe we had more in common than I thought? The battle would just have to prove that. My chest heaved with excitement as I stared down my snout towards this strange little man. The smell of death and rotten flesh caused my nostrils to flare up in repulsion, but I was able to soon grow used to the horrible scent emanating from this man. The Phantoms around me stirred and instructed us as to what do next. I saw that the creature stopped moving some feet in front of me once he entered the large combat arena. It was a simple circle of black chalk etched into the hard stone of the ruined temple.

"Bow respectfully to one another." The gathered Phantoms spoke and I knew that the war was almost upon us.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

((I'm bunnying to aide in my transition. Both of these Characters are mine))

Lorenor approached the combat arena. There was some anxiety in his movements as he made his way to the center of the ring where his opponent awaited. This was his first time, that he knew of, that he'd ventured into Fallien willingly. Little did he know, that once, long ago he'd come to this place for a brief period of time as a prisoner aboard an air ship. But that was a story for another time. Lorenor heard the Phantoms say bow to his opponent, and he did. Deeply. The set up was quite similar to the battles ran by the Monks of Ai'bron so there was already a notion of respect amongst the warriors.

Lorenor knew that this wasn't a battle to the death. He didn't know his opponent's name but it wasn't necessary on the battlefield. You only ever really knew someone until you fought them. His opponent was a natural weapon, a living weapon more powerful than anything Lorenor had ever seen before up until that point. The creature gave off a bloody aura of rage and destruction. He'd heard of the legendary berserkers from the Monks but never actually encountered one in battle. The Monks fought by channeling their Chi into various parts of their body FROM various parts of their bodies called Centers. The berserkers were renowned for channeling their rage and fury. This was a chance for Lorenor to fight against a superior warrior.

He was representing The Gol'bron in this excursion. More importantly, he was also representing The Monks of Ai'bron. This meant a little bit more to him than the Power Group for which he owed allegiance to. Representing the Monks was a chance to test his skill in a real battle. Most importantly, it was THROUGH the Gol'bron that Lorenor actually hooked up with the Monks in the first place. The symbol on the back of his leather cloak was that of the Gol'bron itself. He paid homage where homage was due.

Drawing his weapon now, he waited for the Phantoms to speak once more their instructions.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I could see the structure of the ruins around me. Ancient cobblestone lurked underneath my scaled feet. I tapped the claws on my toes against the stone impatiently as I waited for the Phantoms to tell us to begin. Looking around I noticed many columns still standing from the Pre-Vadhya time period. The columns had many symbols upon them depicting some of the history of whatever this ruined building used to be. I guessed that this place was a temple of some importance as I kept seeing symbols of Mitra creeping up every now and again.

The ruin was dark and no sunlight pierced inside its structure. Surprisingly, the cob webs of critters didn't appear in this place because the Phantom's energy kept the pests from entering this Unholy Land. Many such spiritually important places could be found in Fallien, I knew this to be true. The Phantoms gathered around many of these ruins often fallen victims of the greed of Men, still abounding in the various places of Fallien. Some attempted to brave the desert and live in these harsh environments. These were often at war with the Atra. I encountered the Atra several times before in my life and each time it happened, the encounter was a dangerous one.

Seeing this specimen of the Atra before me now, I wondered what the small man was capable of. I saw that it was able to contain its anxiety and fears well when it observed my person. I admired that trait about him. I noticed that he was a clearly fearless individual. What could I say? There was a lot to be said for the way the small man just walked right up to me, drawing his weapon and preparing for battle. I would make sure to bring equal suffering upon him before the night's encounter was through.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

He waited impatiently for the battle to begin. The small warrior rotated his weapon, trying to get used to the feel of the sword. The steel was extremely light against his hands and he knew he could use it with some degree of success to attempt to pierce the hide of the scaly beast before him. Rotating the weapon a few more times, the Phantoms suddenly called out to both of them to BEGIN after they'd sized each other up for a long passage of time. Lorenor nodded to the Phantoms and the war began. It was a battle of Ghoul versus Blood Lizard.

Lorenor had to admit that he was more afraid than his facial expression actually let in on. Though he hid his fears well, the warrior simply swallowed them up attempting to hide them in his gut. He wanted to put his fears to some good use. He walked over towards Lexxum and they started to circle one another as two caged beasts would. Either one of them was a predator from a different realm. One represented the Concordia Forest, and the other represented the harsh wastelands of Fallien.

Lorenor saw Lexxum flexing his muscles eagerly as he moved in closer. The warrior knew that their audience awaited for one of them to attempt to draw first blood. The boy decided that it would be him to take the first attack. Bearing his weapon down upon the beast, the warrior swung a quick overhead strike towards the beast's chest. He kept himself quiet the whole time, now was not a time for words. Now was a time for fighting. With his weapon drawing closer to the big beast, the ghoul counted off the precious seconds in his head.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

In one sudden moment, the Atra attacked me! I saw the blade coming at me and was momentarily surprised that the little man might attempt such an attack on me. I moved off to the side evading the attack and letting it hit nothing but air. I sighed for a moment, I knew this was going to be a long drawn out battle and so I did what I thought was best in this situation. I ducked down and sent an expertly done side kick towards the Atra's chest, hoping that it might connect with him. I took advantage of my opponent's mid-movement.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Lorenor was somewhat disappointed that his attack missed, but that was all right. The night was young and many other attacks of opportunity might present themselves. It wasn't until Lexxum started moving that he saw how effective a warrior the creature was. It moved with impressive agility despite its size and strength which were equally impressive. Lorenor grew to admire the creature just as much as the creature admired HIM! Though Lorenor wouldn't know of such a flattery until later on, assuming either of them lived the ordeal of the night. Lorenor saw Lexxum duck down and send a new attack his direction.

The small warrior had a chance to see the attack coming. It moved in with terrifying speed and agility, but the small warrior had size on his side. He jumped towards his left, evading the attack and ducked into a roll, somehow holding onto his sword the whole time. He never dropped it in mid-movement. Standing up at the end of the roll Lorenor turned quickly to face his opponent. The Blood Lizard hadn't moved again and merely stood there watching him.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I saw that the warrior barely managed to evade my maneuver. Good. I wanted the fight to last me a long time rather than be over quickly! So I knew immediately that this was going to be a fun battle. I stood up from my crouching position and covered the distance in a swift walk. I managed to cover a great deal of ground quickly thanks to my size. Walking upright had its own advantages versus crawling on all forms. I admitted to myself that I preferred to walk upright.

"That was a well done maneuver my little Atra. Let's see if you can do the same for this!"

I hissed when I was in striking range. I suddenly rose both of my arms up over my head and grabbed them in a fist. I swung downwards in a hammer like fist with both of my hands clenched together in a fist. I knew at that close range, the little warrior might find it very difficult to evade my attack. It was a strategic maneuver on my part, clearly showing forethought and intellect, an intense knowledge of battle. I felt my heart beating in my throat as I waited for each passing moment before my impact either connected, or hit nothing.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

The stone floor felt like a suitable battleground for Lorenor. He moved quickly atop the ancient surfaces, feeling as though somehow this place was already his grave. He shivered at that thought even as the Blood Lizard loomed in front of his person. The creature moved with terrifying speed and agility, that was certain. Lorenor had a hard time keeping up with the movements and knew that the next attack would be devastating. There was no more time for fooling around at all. Lexxum's huge person filled Lorenor's peripheral vision and he had a hard time thinking about what to do next.

Huge hands came up overhead and the small warrior had very little time to react at the menacing figure. Lorenor did the only thing he could do. He shifted slightly towards the side as the weight came crashing down upon him. Moving his sword arm upwards, the warrior attempted to intercept the maneuver dead on. Lorenor tried desperately to maneuver through the deadly impact he knew was coming. There was a loud crashing sound as the hands of Lorenor's opponent impacted with brute force against the flat side of the blade.

A tremendous impact rocked with crushing force against Lorenor. He felt the weight of the assault and his person was knocked down and forced in a kneeling position. Something snapped inside of his chest and he knew that the maneuver popped a rib out of place from the tremendous overhead pressure knocked down upon him. He was lucky that his neck didn't snap as well. Lorenor felt the deadly injury and brought a hand to his side. I'm not done yet! Lorenor thought to himself. His steel weapon was able to take the impact and prevented the injury from being much more serious.

He felt his knees bruising up and pain swelling up from their impact against the ground. "Argh!" Lorenor screamed in agony. "You bastard, I'll make you pay for that one!" Hearing his own voice brought about a sense of comfort and the warrior clutched as his side. He tried to stand, but fell down backwards as he lost his balance. Thankfully, he had his sword with him and pushed himself up with his sword. Standing in place, he tried to ignore the pain as best as he could knowing any further attacks might dislocate his ribs even more. The small warrior had labored breathing now. After a couple of moments he was able to move again with some degree of success and drew his weapon in combat stance. The entire feel of the battle changed and Lorenor knew it.

He was now forced into a completely reactive stance.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I saw with delight that my opponent was injured. I felt the connection if force and momentum against his sword. It was interesting that I didn't shatter it, and I admired the craftsmanship of the sword. It seemed to be of masterwork quality. Humans often depended on weapons and armor, I now knew why the Atra didn't use any armor. Their undead physical make up seemed to be better suited for dealing with pain and stress. This truth would make destroying him that much more interesting for my person. I felt the thrill of battle and moved closer towards him once again.

I kept my maneuvers and attack simple, yet effective. I didn't want to take any unnecessary risks against the Atra before me. If I did, I knew it would be my hide that paid the ultimate price. I might be a fallen victim! The thought was a possibility and I knew it. The battlefield claimed many warriors constantly and Fallien was a dangerous place for all, even my people. I sent a powerful fist directly towards my opponent's chest. I swung out with my left arm awaiting to see if the blow connected. I shifted my body weight to apply more force and momentum to the attack. I kept my face calm as I assaulted his person with utter fury behind my attack.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

It was hard reading the lizard's facial expressions. Lorenor couldn't tell what the thing was thinking other than pure joy from being in battle. Such a beast was intimidating indeed. Lorenor knew that he had to switch his tactics if he was to survive the rest of the encounter even a few hours longer. The small warrior hoped that his opponent might just give him a moment to catch himself so. He was wrong. The beast never let up, not even once! Such strength and wanton love of battle this thing has, tch, I'll never be able to win at this rate!

He thought to himself as the warrior attacked again. He'd only heard of the legendary berserkers from the old legends and stories. Some of the members of the Gol'bron living in their fortified safe haven sometimes spoke of their might. Lorenor initially thought that the reports from the field when speaking of a berserker were wrong. Now he knew that to be untrue. The stories didn't do an actual berserker justice. This was definitely a chance for Lorenor to put all his hard training to the test!

The warrior attacked him once more. Thinking quickly on his feet Lorenor did the only thing he knew of doing. He fell back to his wild-man's tactics and moved off to the side despite his pain. The blow came in directly from the front, aimed at Lorenor's chest. Lorenor had a chance to completely sever the warrior's hand if only he could time this just right! The sjmall warrior moved off to his right doing the shimmy just in the nick of time.

He managed to evade most of the attack, but the attack hit him on the side where he'd already been damaged. Lorenor cried out in agony against the crushing blow. Despite the pain Lorenor found the strength to move and struck up with all the fury he could summon up from within. The pain drove him to attack further out of desperation. When this occured, he swung his weapon in an overhead arch towards the wrist of the beast. Lorenor knew that the end of the battle was now rapidly approaching. The swing was ugly and undisciplined but at the very least, Lorenor might take his opponent's hand off. If something landed.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I felt my attack connecting with the smaller target. Mitra granted me a multiple blessing during this battle as blow after blow connected. It seemed I thought more of the Atra than they deserved credit for. It seemed that the legends were false. As I laid the crushing blow, I let my hand linger in close range and soon realized my error of judgment. Though I was clearly the superior warrior my fighting style was not without its flaws. It required that my blows actually connected to the enemy in order for me to proceed with a follow up attack. I wanted to crush the little Atra before me.

"By Lord Mitra's FURY I swear I shall crush you little Atra! I will revenge myself upon you a hundred fold for all the death and destruction your people have caused. I curse you in the name of the Elders Atra!"

At the last moment I noticed him bringing his sword in a nearly flawless counter to my attack. I wondered how the creature could have moved despite the pain it must surely have felt. In one fatal moment, I cried out in agony and it was my turn to feel pain. I felt the blade connect to my wrist. Scales burst underneath the pressure of well-forged steel. A stain of my own blood burst out from the wrist and my anger only reached a peak. In one fell moment, the Atra severed my hand completely at the wrist. Blood dripped from the wound landing all over the little man.

My hand fell to the floor, completely useless and I looked from it to my opponent with a completely stunned expression on my face. I took several steps backwards as I saw that the Atra fell to the floor. I was in a state of disbelief when I saw that the little devil could cause me so much damage. I'd expected many things of this private war, but such an injury was not one of them. Getting back into my proper state of mind, I knew what I had to do next. I took my eyes off the little Atra for a moment to walk over to one of the many lit torches.

My face was twisted and knotted with a gripping pain. I walked over to one of the nearest torches and brought my stumped arm to bear. Looking at the fire, I swallowed my fear and plunged my arm into the flames. Immediately, I howled in agony as the flames worked to catarize my wounds. The pain was incredible but a necessary thing on my part, I couldn't allow the blood to continue dripping like that. My eyes closed for the whole moment that my arm was plunged into the fire.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Lorenor saw that his wild attack work better than he actually thought it would. Blood sprayed in the air, landing on Lorenor's person and coating him. He felt the lizard blood go down into his mouth and this started the healing process much faster. Lorenor sat down for a moment and saw that the huge lizard didn't capitalize on the further injuries he'd caused him. More things snapped inside his chest and the ghoul bled from his nostrils. Lorenor saw the hand of the beast laying on the ground before him, talons reflecting the light of the torches. Lorenor tried to stand. He fell several times in the process.

Trying to get his bearings he used the sword once again for balance. This time, he was able to rise despite the agony he felt. His face twisted and distorted with the pain. Lorenor limped forward a coupe of paces and was well within range of the beast. Suddenly running forward in a last-ditch effort of putting the huge beast down for good, the small little man made his way towards the beast. He leaped forward, despite the pain, pushing himself harder than he'd ever pushed himself. Feeling his enemy's blood pouring down his throat drove the ghoul into a blood lust of his own.

When Lorenor found himself in range, the warrior leaped towards his opponent finding enough ground to cover. He leaped the rest of the few remaining paces and rotated his sword so that he had it in an overhead position. Once the jump reached its apex, Lorenor brought the sword downwards to intercept SOMETHING of the beasts' body. As he prepared himself for the attack the beast howled in agony. The sound pierced his ear drums but he focused on the task at hand, taking advantage of the distracted war beast...

"I WILL BE THE ONE DOING ALL THE KILLING TONIGHT YOU WRETCHED LIZARD!"

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I stepped away from the flames feeling the momentum of the battle changing from bad to worse. I had control of the battle from the beginning of the ordeal but now everything was slipping away from my person rapidly. I gasped in agony no longer sure where the Atra was. Then, at the last possible moment, I heard the beast yelling to taunt ME for a change. The thing's words cut me to my heart and atma. I felt the burning rage build up in my heart. I could do very little at this point.

The Atra assaulted me when my back was turn showing its dishonor. I had to admit that I admired the way it moved and worked, it was a creature after my own blood thirsty heart. I tried to move at the last possible moment but only managed to turn around and see the face of my foe. I tried to raise my arm up but it was already too late. Steam flowed from my stumpy arm where I thought quickly and catarized the injury. I felt the sword pierce my flesh as I brought my arm up to bear. The movement came in slowly and like I said, it was already too late. He plunged the weapon deep into my chest so that it pierced through my backside. I sent a crushing back-hand in his general direction.

The creature pierced through my chest bringing his weapon all the way down to the hilt. Then, as he landed upon my person, I lost my balance, landing on my back. I looked at the little Atra with utter disbelief at what he'd just done. He'd caught me off guard! Very few can ever claim that they'd done such a thing! My blood poured out from the initial impact streaking down the blade. From the blade, it dripped down on the stone floor and I hoped my back hand would do something.

Yet, I saw that the warrior had more pain planned for me. It suddenly did something I wasn't planning for. In one decisive moment, he PULLED the weapon completely out of my person, further aggravating the injury. I stopped my movement before it ever connected and howled in agony signifying that I could no longer do anything, or so it seemed. With all of my blood loss, I couldn't even call upon the gift of my people.

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Lorenor pulled the weapon away from his victim to further aggravate the injury, causing it more pain. Lorenor couldn't remember the last time that he wanted to inflict such suffering upon a sentient organism. It was already too late though, the specters of death surrounded the two of them to place a clawed hand on their hearts. Lorenor felt a vice on his heart and suddenly, black blood erupted from his mouth. He landed on the floor in bitter suffering. He looked at his opponent who faired much worse than he did. The small warrior wore a smile on his face.

"Remember who it was that defeated you, beast!" Lorenor managed to say as he felt the darkness take him.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I stared up at the ceiling of the ancient ruin. My eyes closing and opening in random intervals as my heart raced. My injury was extremely serious, even fatal. The little bastard beat me! I still couldn't believe what'd actually occurred right before my eyes. Tch! I got careless in my own blood lust. I was still a young Blood Lizard after all and didn't have all of the traits of my people. NO! Don't blame your loss on your people. I tried to rally myself to stand once again but knew I couldn't. This is what made the situation worse, I couldn't even stand! The injury was THAT serious. I heard the devilish Atra fall somewhere nearby and taunt me further.

I had to hand it to him. The little bastard certainly had balls. Balls the size of grape fruits. I'd underestimated him completely but knew that for the future I would never lower my guard against an Atra of such skill ever again. It totally caught me off guard, and I underestimated him because of his size. I learned a very valuable lesson. Out the corners of my eyes, even in this pitiful state, I kept fighting my fate, I saw the Phantoms stirring and moving towards my person. Was it my time?

[Mutant_Lorenor]

Lorenor woke up in a room that was completely white. He noticed that the stones were glowing with white purity and this made his eyes hurt. Still, the white did not cause him any further harm than being harsh on his eyes. He noticed that the world felt completely far away now. Was he dead? Had the Phantoms claimed his atma and placed him in some sort of hell-dimension? He had many questions but noticed that he only felt a throbbing pain. Time passed, an immeasurable amount of time.

How long had he been laying down on that slab? Months? Weeks? Years? Decades? Centuries? The list went on and on. The Immortal had no concept of time. Only that it dragged on across eternity. Bandages surrounded his rib cage and he saw his clothing upon a nearby chair. The small warrior tried to sit up but winced in pain. Laying back down, he took a moment to look around and investigate his surrounds. There was a table by the bed, with a note, and some hot tea in a serving pitcher. There was also cooked food on a plate, hot. Lorenor knew that he must've been at this place for a long time. He had no way of knowing how long it had been. Lorenor took the note and read it;




Dear Lorenor,

As soon as the battle was over we took you into our fold. By now, you should probably have recovered from your injuries. You did well to pass the test of our people. You fought bravely against a Blood Lizard and very few can ever claim such a thing. Don't worry about your opponent he is alive and well, training himself back into full combat readiness as you read this. A month of your time has passed while you were under. You are now welcome in the lands of Fallien.

~~Jya's Keep



Lorenor reached around and saw a small box on the table next to the bed. The box was next to his pitcher of herbal tea. The tea smelled very good and was hot. He poured himself a goblet full of tea and drank the substance. It had a strange texture but he enjoyed it for it filled him with warmth. He had no idea where he was but those details could be ascertained later on in his career. For now, he'd earned the respect of the Jya's Keep and that was necessary if he was to start a career in Fallien. Now he was grateful that he'd obtained his papers before going to Fallien. They proved completely useful to him at this point. He was looking forward to his recovery as he drank his tea. He wanted to further explore these lands of Fallien.

*****************************************

****Spoils Request****

001--1,000 Gold from Jya's Keep.

002--Fallien Identification papers and traveling passport.

003--Fallien Exit Pass

[Lexxum_Vordic]

"How is he doing?"

""The process cost a lot of resources but he was surprisingly resistant to the Atra's assault."

"We'll have to resort to our back-up plan then because even a fully trained Blood Lizard fell to the sword of an armed Atra."

I heard the voices as they operated on me. Too ashamed of myself to awaken my eyes I listened to them as they repaired my hand replacing it with a clock-work construction. It took me sometime, approximately five months, but finally I was able to fully recover from the dangerous injuries. I tested my newly acquired clock-work hand and saw the huge scar upon my chest. I knew I would have to face my people when I recovered from my injuries. Bandages were wrapped around my body. I saw that I was in a white room and knew that the bastard Atra was somewhere on the grounds of Jya's Keep. I couldn't finish the job!

I thought angrily to myself as I sat there eating and trying to recover from my injuries. When word of the battles' failure reached my people, they immediately ventured to Jya's Keep. The Chieftain made his way towards my recovery area. My injuries were tender, soft, but that wasn't a thing compared to the wrath of my Elder. He looked down to me, standing at a massive fifteen feet in height. The huge Elder Saurian wore an expression of anger that I could feel when he slapped me with the back of his hand. I allowed him to do whatever he needed to do to me. The next time that I saw that Atra bastard again-I would make him pay for the humiliation I now faced at the hands of my people.

The End.

*****************Spoils Request******************

001--Clock Work Hand--Where once Lexxum had a real hand, the agents of Jya's Keep replaced it with a mechanical one. A complex construction of Delyn and moveable parts, the weapon/structure is an ideal working of science. The whole hand has five digits and is made completely of Delyn. The mechanical hand functions completely like a normal hand might, and, Lexxum can rotate it completely at the wrist in a three-sixty degree movement. The hand, being mechanical, can move in ways that a normal hand cannot.

002--Hideous Scars--Lexxum has a huge scar upon his chest and through his back from where Lorenor pierced him with his sword.

[Amaril Torrun]

Since both characters were written by the same character, there are going to be a lot of similar scores here. For the most part, any differences will have to do with how you write in first or third person.

Lexxum

Story

Continuity: 4 - You did a good job of telling the reader about Lexxum’s kind and I had a basic idea of how they live. I didn’t know where he was coming from though. You mention that he has been a warrior since before puberty, but he’s an adult now. What are his more recent conquests?

Setting: 3 - I love how you placed a Citadel battle somewhere other than Corone. With that said, there should have been a lot more description of this place of battle. Where exactly is this Citadel? At first you described Lexxum as being amongst his own people in what seemed like the place where they lived. Then, you jumped to the Citadel. I was extremely confused about where all of this was going on.

You had a post that seemed purely dedicated to describing the battle area, but once the fight started, you didn’t mention it again. You need to write about the setting as it comes in contact with your character and it needs to happen throughout the thread. Remember, a character’s interactions are just as, if not more, important than describing the setting by itself.

Pacing: 6 - This battle was paced like… well, a battle. You took a long time to get the fight started, but once you did, it was paced quickly. The ending, while short, was strong.

Character

Dialogue: 1/5 - There wasn’t much dialogue to judge and what was there seemed much too formal. Even in the heat of battle he was speaking in a formal tongue that was very unbecoming for the situation.

Action: 10/15 - I’m going to hit some of the key point for both characters here.

When Lorenor blocks the fisted crush from Lexxum, neither of them are cut in anyway. Even though Lorenor used the flat of his blade, the sides would still reach one of them.

When Lexxum gets his hand cut off, you didn’t quite reach what I’d expect of such a wound, though you are getting closer. Once he brought the torch to it, you hit the mark. You wrote out the pain he was feeling, but it was written too casually. It didn’t make me feel the pain.

Once Lorenor received the misplaced rib, I thought he was a goner. The tide of the battle turned surprisingly fast, but I enjoyed it and the fight stayed interesting because of it.

Persona: 8 - While having one character compare himself to an enemy is usually overdone to the point of boredom, you did a surprisingly good job of keeping it interesting. Lexxum’s thoughts of Lorenor being an Atra and thinking of his enemy as a bad omen flavored your description very well.

You still need to work on a solid, full personality for Lexxum, but you did exceptionally well with what you have so far.

Writing Style

Mechanics: 6 - You seem to forget words or use the wrong word at random times. Another read through of your posts should help you here. Ultimately, your grammar doesn’t hurt the story that badly.

Technique: 4 - Something I’ve noticed is that you tend to write about two completely different things in the same paragraph. Don’t be afraid to break paragraphs up into smaller ones when this happens. By doing this, you will also find that it is easier to detect which parts of your posts need some more description or details.

Clarity: 4 -“I suddenly rose both of my arms up over my head and grabbed them in a fist. I swung downwards in a hammer like fist with both of my hands clenched together in a fist.” Here, you used the word fist too many times and I had to reread it to understand what was happening. You mention him balling his hands into a fist twice, which is unnecessary.

You need to look out for things like that with both characters.


Wild Card: 7 - I feel that you wrote your character much better in first person, but your story tends to flow better in the third person. Writing with two completely different view points takes guts and I commend you for that.

--------------------------------------------------

Lorenor

Story

Continuity: 5 - You were stronger in describing why Lorenor entered this battle than with Lexxum. He’s power hungry, so word of getting trained to get stronger suits him well. I would have liked to see more about this dream that he had and where exactly he heard about the tribe that trains outsiders. It seems a little forced in order to get your two completely distant characters together. Also, I’ve read a few of your threads and I still find myself asking, what is Jya’s Keep?

Setting: 3 - See Lexxum’s Setting.

Pacing: 6 - See Lexxum’s Pacing

Character

Dialogue: 1/5 - See Lexxum’s Dialogue. When his rib got knocked out of place, he spoke more appropriately, but it wasn’t enough to save this score.

Action: 10/15 - See Lexxum’s Action.

Persona: 5 - You didn’t quite reach the potential that I saw with Lexxum. Lorenor still seems like the bloodthirsty murderer without any other identifying traits.

Writing Style

Mechanics: 6 - See Lexxum’s Mechanics.

Technique: 4 - See Lexxum’s Technique.

Clarity: 4 - See Lexxum’s Clarity.

Wild Card: 7 - See Lexxum’s Wild Card.

Lexxum - 53
Lorenor - 51

Congratulations!

Lexxum receives 500 experience, 100 gold and his Clock Work Hand with one stipulation. You must write out the ways that it can move that a normal hand can’t during your next level update. I think your scars are too hideous though, so they aren’t approved.

Lorenor receives 150 experience, 200 gold and his Fallien papers.

Oh, and I was just kidding about the scars. They are approved.

If you have any comments or questions, you know how to reach me.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.