A Sashimir and some other stuff.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

((Solo Quest))

Long had I hated the markets of men. Still, I'd recently lifted some gold off one of their caravans into the heart of Suravani. My people proudly destroyed that set of invaders into our homeland and lifted their useful items. We shunned the armors of men, but sometimes used their implements of destruction and chaos. Of particular favor were blunt and bladed weapons of various make and sizes. Today, I ventured towards The Merchant's Walkway in Fallien to use the money I'd acquired. I envisioned a sword in my head. I found a particular vendor, a marking with signs of war hanging on a banner, and I approached him.

The eyes of the guards were immediately upon my person, and with good reason. For I was a terrifying creature of great bulk and size. My pectoral muscles bulged with power in their scaly elegance. I walked as easily upright on my two hind legs as I crawled on all fours. My tail swished from side to side. I looked down upon the vendor, my cold red eyes firmly locked upon his person.

"I wish to use these moneys to purchase some gear that I require." I said in a deep, menacing voice.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I noticed that the merchant sized me up with a nervous expression upon his face. My eyes narrowed at this but I tried my best to keep my expression as neutral as possible. Flowing from side to side, my tail swished up some sand underneath my person. Though sand was always in the hot breeze, this was another typical day in Fallien. I sighed as I eagerly waited for the Merchant to do business with me. Finally, after several long minutes passed, I looked up at the clear blue sky. Briefly, I thought about killing the Merchant for making me wait so long. However, the eyes of many guards kept me at bay. It would be very difficult to kill the Merchant and leave that place with my life. After he looked over some documents he was looking over, the Merchant finally FINALLY addressed me.

"So sorry to keep you waiting. I was overlooking a back-log just now. You know how it is, business is business these days I'm afraid. The whole damned world's going loopy right now. I swears to ya." I heard the Merchant say though his words meant very little to me.

"Spare me your words, Merchant. I just want to pick up the equipment I'm hear to pick up. I have good gold to pay for my requests." I responded in perfect common-speak. The harsh deserts required us to learn a variety of skills including learning to communicate with the men-folk that lived in Fallien. They'd done business with my people for. All though unusual, Blood Lizards sometimes traded with the merchants of men to pick up new weapons necessary for the hunt. It was well known that the Blood Lizards, like myself, didn't like to use their armor. We either fashioned our own or use our own naturally evolving hide. "I know how to deal with you're people you're all alike. There's no need to be rude though. Here, just tell me what you want and I'll see if I can procure it for you."

I noticed a hint of agitation in the Merchant's voice, this brought a sense of satisfaction in my stomach. "I require a weapon. They are called a Shashimir in the tongue of your people. But I have a request, I want it to be made of Steel and I want the blade and handle to be of Masterwork quality." I said in response to his words. Hearing the word Masterwork, the Merchant whistled at this. He looked up at me and I frowned much more deeply thinking that there was going to be yet another hold up, but I was surprised at his response. "A Masterwork weapon will take some time to prepare. In the meantime, I have a request to ask of you my scaly friend." Those words piqued my interest.

"What do you want?" I asked, impatience in my voice.

"It is a custom if you're asking for Masterwork Items to do a favor for the Merchants and Blacksmiths building it for you. As I've told you before, there is a back-log of requests right now. We're short staffed and could use a strapping lad like yourself to handle this back-log. Recently a group of prisoners escaped from a jail, I'd like you to handle this. We need you to ascertain the location of the escaped convicts. One of them is especially dangerous. A serial killer named Mahadas Adhji. Here are their mug shots."

The man pulled out a thick folder, slamming it on the counter in front of me, this solicited a sigh from my person. "There are in total, 20 convicts, that should be a good hunt for someone like you. Nice odds right there." He said and I noticed him smile, I wanted to rip his lips off his face. "Very well. I shall agree to your terms. Anything that can help get invaders off the bosom of Suravani will be a service to my people. Just tell me which direction they headed off in and what you want me to do with this Mahadas person. I responded in a business-like way.

"Bring him in alive. I don't care what you do with the rest, but we require HIM and ONLY HIM. The others are accomplices and thusly can vanish in the desert for all we care." I saw him give me a toothy grin and I nodded in understanding. "Take your time with this and your request will be ready by the time you return from your hunt. May Suravani bless you with her guidance." The man said matter of factly. I wanted to kill him by that point but knew I couldn't. He gave me another target for my wrath, and so the hunt began anew.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

"Wait warrior, take this."

I heard the Merchant say. I sighed and turned around heading back towards the Merchant's shop. He handed me a small parchment. I took the papyrus in my hand and looked at the delicate material for a long moment. Looking up at the Merchant I nodded calmly. I understood that he'd just given me a map to the bandit's location somewhere on the dune sea near to this encampment. I unrolled the map and saw the locations I needed to see. It was a more detailed explanation of the map he'd shown me earlier. I didn't need to see it again, but the more detailed map was indeed a plus. They'd gathered significant intelligence on the where abouts of the Bandits and thusly I was able to use that intelligence to my advantage. I noticed that they were a few hours out from the Merchant's Walkway.

I nodded towards the Merchant and prepared myself for the battle ahead. Even though I could feel many eyes upon me, the matter didn't bother me very much at all. I walked in the direction I knew that the bandits were supposed to be hiding out and made my way towards them. I closed my eyes and let myself rely on my senses for better accuracy. I let the image of the map burn itself in my mind until I could visualize it exactly as it existed on the papyrus parchment. Walking through the desert now, I made my way towards the bandit's camp.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

The dune sea engulfed my person and I was within my element now. Sands flowed in the wind and Mitra's gaze stared angrily at my person. Though harsh, Mitra sometimes blessed its followers a double-edged sword of blessings and cursing. I hoped that Mitra might be kind as I traveled through Suravani's bosom by myself. The wind picked up something fierce around me, howling in protest, and I worked my way through the dune sea. I faced the dangers of the sands on my own knowing that my greatest challenge lurked ahead of me.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

About halfway to the bandit's camp I took a detour from my travels. I knew that the bandit's numbers would be a hindrance to my goals so in order to best solve this puzzle I met up with my fellow Blood Lizards resting out in the Dune Sea. Rarely did the rest of my tribe venture into the halls of men. I was one of the strange ones in my brood that liked to deal with the business of Men. I didn't particularly ENJOY doing so, but at the same time it was something that interested me greatly. As a warrior I knew I had to find ways of making myself stronger. The culture of my people was still highly xenophobic and rarely soaked in the ideals of others tribes.

I often felt that my people were stuck in the old ways. It might be wrong for me to voice my opinion in such a way. I thought about the possible consequences of such actions. Making my way towards the location I wanted to be at, I saw my companions lounging about on the sands. They gathered in a small pack and I knew that I only needed a few skilled warriors to assist me in the destruction of these men. Smelling my scent in the air my kin perked up as I came closer. Several of the younger lizards made their way towards my person. I hugged them as they drew near to me. Letting them crawl upon me, I carried them back to rest of the pack.

The Chieftain, since all though we came from Suravani's bosom our society was a patriarchal society. We were primarily followers of Mitra for the most part. We paid homage to Suravani as well though. As a patriarchal society our leader was a MALE Chieftain. This was almost directly contradictory to the rest of Fallien. However, my people were a monstrous breed and did things different from the men-folk. Including our societary structure. I walked over to the Chieftain who was a huge Blood Lizard by all rights. I knew the Elders' name to be Hrzz Zrh Vdck. The Elder was marked in the same traditional Blood Lizard markings except his markings bodily stripes and patterns were black instead of purple.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

The Chieftain greeted me. He had many jewels made of bones all over his person. The Chieftain stood at approximately ten feet in height and had a huge, muscular build. He wore a crown of bones from whatever fallen beast they came from. He carried a spear made of delyn with him at all times, decorated with the runes of the Blood Lizard people. He wore many intricate necklaces, and most importantly, some of them contained rare gemstones of great value procured from the dune sea. The Chieftain had red eyes like all Blood Lizards had. I looked upon him and spoke only after he acknowledged my person.

"Speak." He said with a deep, rumbling voice.

"My Father, I require some warriors for a task. I need at least three good Reptiles to complete a job. A job that the Men-Folk have given me. It will be a great chance to challenge ourselves against the Men-Folk!"

"So you brought the wars of men upon us once more Vordic?

The Chieftain responded and I shook my head. I could see the look of disappointment in his eyes. I feel the anguish in his heart. I frowned at this. Where had all my hard work gone? Why wasn't I looked upon with more respect by the Elder? Hadn't I already brought us great honor? Many questions filled my head and I wanted some answers. But I knew that it would be considered an insult to speak to the Elder in such a way. So I bit my tongue.

" "I brought us a chance to test ourselves my Lord! Is it not the way of the Followers of Mitra to constantly test themselves?"

************************

Leaving the Gathering Area now with three of the warriors at my side, I took point of the pack instinctively as always. I was unafraid of the challenges that lurked ahead, but I wanted to be sure that I could take out the warriors that surrounded my target. The name of the man we hunted lurked in my head and I repeated it over and over like a mantra. We traveled across the dune sea. Our combined forces were more than a match for whatever we faced in the near future. We traveled quickly across the sands on all fours. We jumped from time to time as we made our ways towards the hide out of these rogues.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

******************

The recent prison break out served Mahadas Adhji. He'd made a few allies in the escape route. Together, they'd been able to spring up a small camp. It'd been weeks since the escape from the Prison near the Merchant's Walkway. Hidden underneath the corrupt shopping district was an infamous prison called The Vault. This was where the most dangerous of Falliens' criminals was sent. Mahadas was a criminal overlord with ties to a street gang called the Black Scorpions. This gang was infamous for robbing The Merchant's Walkway and attempting many robberies against The Outlander's Quarters.

Mahadas was a tall man, standing at six feet seven inches. He was built like a lean athlete and weighed in around 180lbs. He was slender, not muscular and had a lithe physique about himself. His time in prison had served him well as he'd had nothing but time to work out and become stronger. Careful planning made the prison break-out possible when the opportunity presented itself. Mahadas overpowered the guards by rallying a group of convicts under the guise of a cult of Mitra. Mahadas preached strength and so his followers listened to him. Proclaiming himself as a Prophet of Mitra the bandit leader fled from the law of the land and made their way out to the dune sea.

The man had a thick head of black locks, defined cheekbones, and dark brown flesh-tone. His eyes were cold as obsidian. There were black markings underneath both of his eyes that were tribal in nature. He had various tattoo-like symbols etched upon his flesh all over his body. Some of these were tribal in nature others were symbols he'd obtained during his stay in The Vault. The man had a scar on his face and several other scars visible on his body. The scar on his face was on his forehead and on the side of his lip, two separate ones. He wore a simple brown outfit made of some sort of cloth native to Fallien. He had a necklace wrapped around his neck and kept other pieces of jewelry with him.

One of his men walked up to him.

"What is it?" Mahadas asked.

"Sir our scouts reported several creatures coming in from the South-East. They appear to be large LIZARDS of some sort."

"Lizards aye? Sounds like those legendary Blood Lizards. So thats who those bastards from The Vault send to bring us in huh? Prepare the men for battle."

"Yessir. Hail Lord Mitra." The man saluted and went to do what he was told.

"May Lord Mitra guide us." Mahadas whispered as the man left.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

I lead my pack of warriors through the dune sea. I already knew where we needed to go. I lead, they followed. We covered the ground to our target location rather quickly. The thrill of the battle filled my belly anew. I hissed as I saw the bandit's camp in my peripheral vision. I couldn't get my weapons until I brought this Mahadas creep in to face justice for his crimes against the Men-Folks. I didn't have any views upon the politics of Men, nor did I care. I only cared that the Man prevented me from getting my own personal goals taken care of. I leaped powerfully across one set of hills and when I landed I saw that the encampment was in front of us. I moved my hands so that my companions knew what to do.

We hissed and produced other noises from our throats as we descended upon the camp. The Men-Folk were already waiting for us with weapons drawn by the time we reached their camp. Good. Their Scouts spotted us before we arrived which meant these beings had some skill to them. The first of the warriors reacted to our appearances and held their ground. Some of the men screamed in terror at our visages and fled from the camp. Where there were twenty, only sixteen remained. I gasped when I saw symbols of the Cult of Mitra flowing from a banner. These people followed the Lord Mitra. This made me feel great anger.

"YOU SWINE HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD MITRA IN VEIN. I SHALL SKEWER YOU WHERE YOU STAND HUMANS!"

And so the battle began.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

The warriors reacted quickly to our assault. I saw an individual with a calm face and markings on his face. All of them had markings on his face, but this man seemed to be the leader, Mahadas. The inexperienced bandits attempted to rush my hardened battle group with their feeble attacks. We quickly eviscerated the men that came at us. It was a glorious battle. Two guards came at me and I reacted quickly. They attacked me with I side-stepped one of them sending a grab to his throat. The other attempted to work around me, the fool!

For this one I sent a clawed slash to rake his face. A few moments later both of my attacks connected. I grabbed the first warrior by the throat delighting in his look of fear. I squeezed tight ending his life. His neck burst underneath the pressure of my strength. Blood sprayed out of the man's mouth and nostrils. I could see the man's eyes roll to the back of his head signifying his death. I let the man go and he fell to the ground.

In the next moment I felt further blood spray as the other man before me was slashed horrendously across the face by my claws. My companions ripped through the forces of the enemy sending deadly attacks to destroy them rapidly. We were in no mood to play games. In a matter of fifteen minutes, we'd destroyed the enemy forces completely. Only a few injuries on our part were ever registered. The camp was stationed on a flat patch of solid earth. The ground beneath me was rocky and not sandy. It was a hard granite floor. A breeze came in from the South adding its heat to the already chaotic afternoon. I grabbed the sword of one of the fallen warriors near me noticing how pitifully small the weapon was.

The metal reflected the sunlight of the harsh Fallien afternoon. All around, I could see the simple cloth tents. Banners bearing the marks of Lord Mitra abounded on every tent. So did the markings of Lord Mitra. This insult made me furious. I walked over to the one I knew was Mahadas knowing that I could not kill him. Instead I would have to knock him out and bring him in to custody so he could be reintroduced to Fallien's penal system. Again, the local politics mattered very little to me. I only wanted my reward for turning this scoundrel in. The man looked upon me without fear.

"You were sent by the Lord Mitra. I had a dream about you Blood Lizard. You are working for the wrong side. You should join me instead I am the Prophet of Lord Mitra."

I listened to the man's words. For some reason the words touched something inside of my heart. I narrowed my eyes as I considered the possibility of betraying my employers. Now, normally, the words of men would not sway me. I listened to his feeble attempt at a plea but he used the bargaining chip of Lord Mitra. I thought about this carefully thinking deeply on the matter for a brief moment. My companions finished their killings and gathered themselves about my person stealing various objects from the fallen warriors. They took things that were useful to them such as bones, jewelry and other valuables. They took weapons from time to time and now all of them were armed. I looked upon this man for a while. One of my companions spoke to me.


"Why do you hesitate?" My kin asked of me.

"He is a follower of Lord Mitra. I do not know if I should continue as planned or not. I do not believe one of his claims that he is a Prophet, but he is definitely a FOLLOWER of Mitra. We have decrees to protect against committing harm to a fellow Follower of Mitra."

This matter greatly disturbed me. I held the sword in my hand, a broadsword made of Fallien Steel. The weapon, like most swords in Fallien had a curved edge. I suddenly pointed the weapon directly at the man's throat. He shook his head without fear. The man had no way of knowing what I had planned next. Morally, I was inclined to let Mahadas go and continue in his worship. But, matters of honor and promises were more important to a Blood Lizard than respecting the sanctity of religion. Mahadas was doomed. I was on contract and I swore an oath to turn Mahadas in.

"I've considered your plea bargain but I am bound by honor to bring you in and face JUSTICE!"

I said to him, anger in my voice.

"I pitty you Blood Lizard. You serve a corrupt establishment. The Followers of Mitra will not soon forget this insult"

That made me completely angry.

" YOU FOOL DO NOT MENTION THE NAME OF LORD MITRA IN MY PRESENCE. I SHALL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND IF I WASN'T HONOR BOUND! YOU HAVE SEALED YOUR FATE FALSE PROPHET!"

Rarely was I as angry as I was that afternoon. I wanted to rip this scoundrel apart for taking advantage of the name of Lord Mitra. The lands of Fallien had many religions besides that of Suravani and her Brother Mitra. Both were deities of tremendous sway in the hearts of the people of Fallien. Yet, there were many cults and other religions that abounded as well. This possibly explained these bandits. This group was just one of many splinter cells and sects that formed cults based on Mitra. Many of them were just false worshipers.

[Lexxum_Vordic]

((Short quest, I know this I just want my stuff))

In a quick, decisive moment I knew what I intended to do. I took the curved weapon in my hand and rotated it until the pommel faced my opponent. I kept my eyes locked on his own for a long moment. I really didn't want to turn him in, but he would fare far better in a prison than he might on Suravani's Bosom. In that way he wasn't insulting people like myself. Who WAS a devout follower of Lord Mitra. A moment later, he continued to try to talk me out of my next action. He knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. My companions fell silent as they stared at the "Prophet." There were no more pretty words to be said by his lips. I would hear none because I already decided on his fate.

I saw with delight that he was knocked out when I sent the pommel side of the sword directly at his face. There was a satisfying muffled impact sound as I knocked him out with only a moderate portion of my currently available strength. He let out a small groan of pain and fell to the floor, unconscious. The man was rather tall and heavy but I was easily able to lift him on top of my person with the help of my companions. The rest of the bandits were left as meals to the Atra of the desert. When the preparations were ready, we made our ways back to the Merchant's Walkway with our prize.

*******************

The journey back to the Merchant's Walkway was basically without interruption. We made our way back quickly, only burdened by the weight of the prisoner on my back. The Merchant only said that he wanted Mahadas captured alive. He didn't care what we'd done with the rest of the bandits and so that's the way it went. We killed all, looted the camp, taking any valuables we found (Which wasn't much) and made our way back to the designated spot to claim our rewards. When we were just outside of the Merchant's Walkway I asked my brothers to wait for me whilst I conducted the business at hand.

I greeted the guards as I entered. They nodded back with respect when they saw that I carried the Prisoner with me. This was a dangerous mark indeed. But I'd been able to capture him with superior skill. I made my way towards the particular Merchant that I met earlier. I lugged Mahadas with me as I went. Once I encountered the Merchant I nodded to him seeing that he had a large bundle prepared on his counter. The man looked at me with glea as He saw the Prisoner, Mahadas.

"Well done Warrior. You are a Saurian of his word!"

The man said excitedly as he clapped his hands together.

"We always keep our promises. Here is the prisoner, do you have what I asked for?"

I asked in return.

"Yes it was completed about an hour ago. The weapon will suit you well. It is what the Outlanders call a Buster Sword. We curved it in the style of Fallien to make it look more unique. It is made of Delyn and is of Master-Work quality. You've done well to bring us this ruffian. Here is your reward."

I saw that the man lifted the huge bundle with both of his hands, straining a bit. The bundle was wrapped in some sort of cloth. I grabbed the weapon when the Merchant handed it to me. He clearly had to lift the weapon with some degree of effort. I unwrapped the weapon and saw the scabbard containing my newly acquired weapon. I wrapped the strap of the scabbard around my left shoulder. The weapon was huge! It was six feet long and two feet across. The weapon had a curved edge to it where it would normally be a straight edge. I drew the weapon easily with my considerable strength and held it in my hand by the handle. Both the blade and the handle were of Masterwork quality. I held the sword up with one hand underneath the flat end of the blade staring at my own reflection. I nodded to the Merchant. He signaled for some of the guards who took Mahadas away. The man was still knocked out. I nodded to the Merchant.

"He claims to be a Prophet of Mitra. Watch him closely he may attempt something like this again. He is my enemy and the enemy of my people. Anyone who worships Mitra in such a way should be executed on sight, but you wanted this one alive. So I did as you asked."

"You've done well. Hopefully we can do business again."

"We definitely shall."

The End.

************************************************

*****Spoils Request****

001--Masterwork Delyn Buster Sword. The weapon is six feet long and two feet across. The handle is of Masterwork quality as is the scabbard. There are markings upon the blade native to Fallien's religious belief. Primarily, markings of Suravani and a few markings of Mitra. For now, these symbols serve no purpose other than decorative purpose. The weapon feels unusually light in Lexxum's hands due to an enchantment placed upon the weapon that only allows Lexxum to wield it. Sword is not sellable.

002--Jewelry. Lexxum took various rings and a golden bracelet from Mahadas. These pieces of jewelry have SOME VALUE but are not sell able. They are trinkets that Lexxum took for himself as a reminder of the encounter with Mahadas. All of the rings are made of gold and embedded with gemstones like sapphires and rubies.

[Christoph]

All right, this took a little longer than expected. I won’t waste much time with an introduction. What I will say is that, with some effort, this quest could have been far better than it was. As always, any questions will be gladly answered via AIM or PM. With that, here are the scores:

Continuity: 5
There seemed to a purpose for Lexxum to be where he was, which is good. Unfortunately, I really got no sense of where he was coming from or where he was going at the end. It was definitely too far on the random side.

Setting: 4
There were some decent sensory details sprinkled in here and there. As it is, most of it was a blur when I tried to picture it. Try putting more work into your posts and really try creating vivid sensory descriptions.

Pacing: 3
Rushed. Really rushed. It was a short quest, but I still found myself getting bored, I’m sorry to say. The exposition was a bit shaky, the climax wasn’t very exciting, and the conclusion wasn’t very… well, conclusive. Again, it all comes down to effort. The basic premise of the story was interesting, and you could have definitely done better.


Dialogue: 3
There were a few decent spots here and there, but for the most part, it was unnatural, repetitive, and boring. The dialogue made it feel like the characters were reading from textbooks or something. It didn’t flow naturally at all. It always helps to actually read your dialogue out loud to determine whether or not it flows realistically.

Action: 2
This was probably the weakest aspect of your quest. It was very lackluster at best. You didn’t put much into describing what was going on, which left the fight scenes very vague and disappointing. In addition, I felt that you were power-gaming a bit for a level zero, dispatching of foes much too easily. These two things really hurt your score in this category.

Persona: 3
All right, as for Lexxum, I got that he really doesn’t like it when others take the name of Mitra in vain. As it is, that’s all I really got. He seemed very dry, as did the NPCs. Also, the way you handled the chieftain handing over some warriors to Lexxum was very unrealistic and poorly described and explained.


Technique: 3
There really wasn’t anything special here aside from the rare hint here and there that tells me that you’re capable of doing better. That just made it more frustrating when you didn’t. Your technique suffered the same way many of your other categories did. It was vague, choppy, and fairly boring, I’m sorry to say.

Mechanics: 4
It wasn’t completely awful, but there were several places where dialogue transitions were sloppy, sentence structures improper, or that tenses were mixed up. I know that I’m not the first person to say this – and this isn’t the first time that I’ve said this to someone – proofread. Proofread again. Reread posts out loud. Time + effort = success.

Clarity: 5
Again, like mechanics, it wasn’t completely awful. There were some spots that made me blink and go back to figure it out, though. Also, the problems in other categories really made much of the thread confusing and hurt your score here.

Wild Card: 4
It was an interesting premise that could have been executed much, much better. I know that you’re capable of doing better; you know that you’re capable of better. Now, you’ve been submitting quite a few threads lately. Good activity has always been highly encouraged here, but I believe that you would produce much better writing, score higher, have a better chance at getting your requested spoils approved, and just have a greater sense of self-accomplishment if you focused on putting all of that time and energy into a few good threads instead of a dozen mediocre ones. I’ll say it again: you can do better.

Final score: 36

Spoils/Exp:

Lexxum Vordic receives 432 EXP, some non-sellable jewels and trinkets, and a buster sword.

Buster Sword: Firstly, I wouldn’t give a masterwork weapon to a level zero no matter what, especially not a masterwork Delyn weapon. That said, even if you were high enough a level, the quality of writing and effort put forth just does not warrant such a spoil. For this reason, the buster sword is made of iron and is of average workmanship. It seems that the merchant deceived Lexxum.

[Letho]

EXP added.