Ascension to Power: Chapter 1

[Master Val'Rysn]

This is a solo series.


Lust, like all the other natural sins of mankind, is one of the very things that drives the ambition of men and women of insignificant status to take control. Take control of their lives and drive themselves to get whatever it is they desire in life. Love, revenge, a spectacular item. Whatever it is, it's that primal lust that gives us the kick in the ass to get us on our feet.

For me, though, I strive to acquire something else, something far more valuable than love, it makes revenge look like kids' play, and any item simply junk... It is power. Power is something that every man wants, even the Holy, the power to shout commands and bark orders to minions and they respond without complaint. And if one did, you had a loyal guard who would behead the poor creature. That is what everyone wants, the problem is, not everyone knows how to get it.

I, on the other hand, have a plan...

[Master Val'Rysn]

Like most, if not all, Drow weren't very fond of sunlight. It wasn't really skin-searing to them like it would be a vampire, but their lives are spent beneath tons of land in caves and whatnot. The glare of the sun that was at the peak of its zenith, its blazing light forced him to keep his eyes squinted all day.

"Well met, good drow!" A guard shouted from beside the heavy, steel laden gate that that served as entryway into the city of Talmhaidh. The mage nodded in response with no particular expression. He quickly glanced back at the large port behind him. The small merchant vessel he had arrived on was already departing again. It was a huge port, lined with ships and other such things. He didn't pay much attention to the detail.

The smiling guard nodded back and threw his attention forward again. He was clad in armor, iron probably, that covered his face, and from his voice and physical features Val could tell it was a human. He continued walking through the open gates, striding past the guard. It was nice to know that this was a city that kept its gates open for all to come, it didn't discirminate. Sometimes during his travels elsewhere he would come upon a city or town where he was looked poorly upon.

Of course, this wasn't simply an assumption. Walking through the gates he passed by many people, a motley assortment of Fae, humans, Draconians and various other races strolled in and out. "This isn't so bad a place," Tenerick thought to himself, "So long as this place has a proper Inn and tavern."

The gates opened up onto a stone bridge which crossed over a dirty water moat. Across the bridge's length stood another gate, a much smaller one, made from wood and steel rather than steel alone. That was the entrance into the actual commonplace. After walking a short distance across the bridge Val whipped out a small note from one of his cloak pockets. Having both arms free, his staff slung behind him, he unfolded it and read the scribbled writing while walking:


Ah brother, I knew you were in one of the neighboring states. Would you, perhaps, have heard that I have gotten myself a humble little abode in the city of Talmhaidh? If not, that's fine. I wish a visit from you, if you have nothing more important to do. You won't be able to find me on your own, so I have arranged for a person to meet with you in one of the taverns around the city's entrance. He shouldn't be hard to find, just look for a drunk half-ogre!

No, Val'Rysn did not have a biological brother, but a close acquaintance whom the mage had known way back as Master Mage. It was strange of his brother to find Val. The mage couldn't recall any details of this drow, not even his name, it was a long time ago and he never dwelled much on their friendship once they departed. It wouldn't hurt to have a little meeting. After reading the note Val'Rysn noticed he had crossed the bridge and passed through the second gate. He stood within the very front of the actual city. Now it was time to look for this tavern.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Val'Rysn stood for a moment at that spot, his eyes darting side to side, taking in the whole city with one look. It wasn't very beautiful, to say the least. Not yet, anyway. The ground was dirt and sand, almost like some kind of desert town, but upon closer inspection he saw short blades of grass growing ever-so-slightly in several designated areas around the courtyard. And several baby trees too. That, coupled with the smell of baking brick and mortar beneath the sun's merciless gaze. Just few of many small things that showed the city's adolescnece.

The area he was in at that moment was sort of like a town square. A magnificent fountain was being built in the center of the circular yard - no doubt that future plans for the city included making it beautiful - and buildings, shops of various kinds, lined the outside edges. Inns, taverns, a small magic shop, you name it. The mage was certain this wasn't the main shopping area, but rather, just a little thing to attract newcomers into the city. It's a good thing that this area was circular and empty, disregarding the buildings along the outer rim. He could already see several small, homely taverns tucked in between a couple shops. The question had then become, which one to look in first?

"Get outta here, ye filthy beast!" Cried a man's voice, a draconic voice, in the distance. Val's head cocked to the side and saw a smallish, ogrish humanoid, no doubt a half-ogre, stumbling out of a tavern straight ahead with a pint mug in one of his big paws. From behind him came a a plump, bald human man with an apron on: The bartender. The fat man raised his fist as if he was going to hit the young ogre, and his mouth opened, but nothing came out. He simply pivoted, huffed, and stormed back inside, slamming the door shut. The bewildered brute stood quietly, having caught his balance and looking around to see who was watching the scene. His gaze stopped and locked on the drow.

Considering the fact that he had been recognized, the mage smiled lazily. "Well now, that solves that!" he quietly thought to himself. He walked calmly up to the ogre who only stood there, in front of the tavern door, looking at Val.

"Well met, ogre! Are you alright?" Val'Rysn said, his voice swollen with kindness. He then took his own eyes off the half-ogre's, and looked at his body. He was easily a foot taller than the mage himself, and certainly much stronger, even being young. He was wearing a rag tag suit of studded leather with an iron longsword hung at his side. He smelled of garbage as if he had been thrown into a bin of it. He finished his analyzation and looked back at the large humanoid's face again. This time, his eyes were looking upward and he had a thoughtful look upon his face. Like he was listening to something in his mind... Or maybe just thinking of which tavern to crash next.

With the intention of not letting the conversation die, he spoke some more, "So what happened in there, hm? A little quarrel, perhaps?" The humanoid's expression was almost comical, the former master had to look away in order to not laugh. He hid his boyish smile. "Nevermind that, " he continued " You wouldn't happen to be looking for anyone in particular?" Another moment passed, the ogre said nothing. Was it retarded? The mage held in a chuckle as he shrugged and turned away, deciding that the ogre was a lost cause. When he turned away, though, the humanoid finally spoke.

"Wait!" He shouted, in his deep voice that just reeked with stupidity. Master Tenerick turned around again to face his new acquaintance with a coy smile. "You mus' be da one I is lookin' for!" the ogre spat. The mage wiped his face with a tip of his cloak in response and kept a kind disposition despite.

"Alright then, splendid." The mage said, beckoning for the ogre to move. "How about we make haste to our destination then, hm?" The young human-ogre simply dropped his metal pint tin onto the dirt ground and spun to face a path out of the circular area. He said nothing, just a motion with his hands for the former master to follow him.

[Master Val'Rysn]

The young human-ogre led the duo deeper into the Desert City. Quickly, Val saw that it wasn't much of a city yet, just a city in progress. As the two traversed the dirt streets through living quarters and bazaars, he saw frequently a building that was still in construction, a house without a roof - maybe even a door. This was only the deeper half of the city though, the mage realized. It will indeed become a beautiful city once it is done, which he assumed wouldn't take too long.

The deeper half of Talmhaidh also was less populated. The occasional civilian passed by, and sometimes they saw a group of men working on a house. But for the most part that half wasn't very habitable. Val'Rysn wondered why his unknown friend would choose this end to live in.

"I do so enjoy a scenic walk, " Val began sarcastically, "But when are we going to reach our destination?"

The ogre shrugged quickly, quickening his pace. Val'Rysn did the same. "We get dere when we get dere, puny lil' elf." he said. The Drow laughed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. What was this half-ogre then, but a servant of his brother? Because last time he recalled, there was only one person who referred to Val as his brother, and he was a Drow last time they were together. Nonetheless, there was always a possibility that the brute humanoid was just being paid to fetch the dark elf.

The two acquaintances rounded a bend, walking around a large two-story building. And ahead was a dead end, with another small house sat upon a hump. The house, if that was the right word, only consisted of a door, four walls, and a roof. No windows. "Strange", the mage thought, "This couldn't possibly be a 'humble abode.'"

"In dere, " The ogre huffed, obviously bored, "The door is not locked, go in."

The Drow wizard smiled, nodded, and motioned for the door, rubbing passed the half-ogre. "Indeed, thank you, friend." He reached a gloved hand for the knob and twisted, the small, white door creaked open wide. He looked back and saw that the ogre was gone, walking back where he came from. "Alright, just a paid hand." he speculated.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Val stood in front of the open door, scanning the inside. It was a single room, void of any furniture or, well, anything. The room would have been pitch black if it were not for the light that inundated the room from the open door. A thin layer of dust blanketed the wooden floor, and the mage let out a small cough as he took a breath of the airborn mites.

"Well now, how lively is this?" He quietly said to himself. After a moment he spotted a small iron barred trap door, hidden in the shadow that his small dark elven body created in the center back of the room. "Ah, well obviously that goes somewhere. Unless this is some sick trap." Indeed, Val'Rysn could not rely on intuition for this one. he had no "feeling" or anything of the sort that warned him of a possible trap, only his personal doubts. What kind of "lively abode" takes place underground, after all?

He thought himself of being one with a god-like intelligence, almost. Which was clearly far from the truth. It was that which made him bold enough to go through with this. He figured what the hell, whatever happens he could find a way out. With a quick smile he marched over to the door and lifted the rusted steel ring hooked to it. Opening wonderfully, smoothly with only a little creak at the end, he could tell that the entrance was well kept at least. He also never noticed any cobwebs when he looked back on when he first entered the room.

The trap door opened up to a small flight of stone stairs, followed by a dark hallway, the passage being just big enough for the Drow. He walked down them slowly, making sure he kept the noise to a minimum. Again, he realized that still the only light within was only from the open door in the room above, which made visible a small portion of the hall. As soon as he touched down onto the soft, dirt ground, he heard the door slam behind him. At once, all the light had vanished.

Fortunately for him, he had been blessed with the natural affinity for night-vision. And as thus, his red eyes quickly adjusted. He enjoyed darkness, as much as any other dark elf. He walked forth, ignoring the closed door behind. The trap door has remained open for some reason. Curiously he ran his slim fingertips across either side of the walls as he went, feeling the rough and tough texture of stacked brick. He felt no regret for coming in here anymore, and didn't feel it was a waste of time either, for when he looked far ahead he saw that the hall emptied into another, much larger, room. But he couldn't see its contents.

"Ack!" The mage spat, after taking a single breath of the now putrid, stale air. He spit once on the ground and cursed. It smelt of dead bodies, not a lot though. Perhaps just a single person or two dying within. He couldn't guess, but it wasn't like a dungeon where the smell of death loitered the rooms like a fog. Nonetheless, the smell would take time to bare.

As he got closer to the room ahead, he heard a melodious voice trail down the hall and into his ears.

"Welcome, Old Friend! Welcome to my home!"

[Master Val'Rysn]

Val's eyes widened in surprise as he neared the adjoining room. The voice was familiar, and he knew who it was now. But last time he remembered, this particular drow was nothing more then a bum. When he met him in Ettermire - even taught him in the Arcane Arts - he had no real talent to be of any significance. Though despite, the two had become close acquaintances. But circumstance separated them and now after all these years, he owns his own Keep? "Ah, you've done well for yourself." the mage thought to himself.

As soon as he entered the larger chamber, he looked around. It was a large, bare chamber except some torches lit up and hung along the edges of the longer walls, with a door in the center of either side. This Keep was probably of substantial size, and this room was only a small greeting place.

After inspecting the chamber, his eyes went forward. He saw his friend, and his suspicions were correct. It was indeed his old friend, Etre'si. Etre'si Godix, the Godix only being a name he took for himself, rather than having it from birth. Etre'si sat atop a large stone throne in the back center of the rectangular chamber. A red, lavish carpet rolled out from the entrance to his feet, roughly twenty yards ahead. He was dressed casually; a dim colored robe that covered his entire body. One thing did stand out though, and that was an extravagant, long and shiny purple cloak that he wore, the long cape draped over one arm of the throne. It shined and screamed enchanted, but which enchantment it bore, the wizard could not tell. But it wasn't weak.

"Etre'si. What a pleasure, my old friend." Val said, calm and composed, striding across the rug toward the throne to meet Godix up close. His voice filled with kindness. As soon as Val'Rysn was only a couple paces away from the steps that led up to the dais in which Etre'si sat. He noticed that his fellow drow had a kindly smile on his face too.

"The same to you. You're looking mighty swell." Responded Godix. Though, when he said that the mage didn't see any mouth movement. It left him bewildered, was it even him who said it? It was his voice and it came from his direction. Val looked closer, and noticed how Etre'si was smiling, it was a boastful smile. He grinned and chuckled.

"Telepathy?" Val'Rysn said, a hint of respect crept into his voice, "You still amaze me, Godix." That last statement had only been flattery. He knew that in the past this particular drow did nothing that had outstanding merit. He had only just learned the fundamentals of the Arcane. Etre'si responded with a hearty laugh, this time it actually was from the mouth.

Godix finally stood up out of his throne to formally greet his Former Master, walking down and meeting Val with an outstretched hand and said, "I thought you'd never notice. I figured i'd get all the cool and new stuff out of the way at the intro. So I can see you've been faring well too. Hmm, Master Tenerick?"

[Master Val'Rysn]

"Former Master Tenerick." Val'Rysn corrected, taking Etre'si's outstretched hand and shook it. The mage nodded and said, "Well met."

Obviously Godix knew about Val's status, straight from his eyes. He noticed that the slightly shorter drow only wanted to remind him that he was only an adventurer. Not even one with any significant renown. Nonetheless, Tenerick showed no signs of the embarrassment or jealousy that Etre'si clearly wanted. He even waited a moment, locking his gaze with Val's. "Hmm, well," the telepathic drow began, "Let's go into a smaller room where we can both sit and chat, shall we?" Val'Rysn responded with a nod, and Godix motioned for one of the doors on the side of the room.

Before the two drow got to the door it was opened inward by a human man. He was slightly taller than both the drow and had a suit of leather armor on, with an axe hung at his waist and a buckler strapped to his arm. The man bowed slightly and said, "Welcome, Good Masters!" Val responded by looking at Etre'si, confused. He simply smiled and beckoned the mage to keep going. Once they left out of the Greeting Chamber the guard shut the door and stood in front of it.

The two dark elves traversed the low ceilinged halls of the Keep, and Val began to assume that from a bird’s eye view this place would look like a maze. Turn after turn after turn, door after door after door. They passed civilians and guards, small shops and such. It was an underground town! Val'Rysn was astonished... After a couple minutes they reached a small room. An oval table surrounded by chairs sat in the center, and a lit lantern on the center of that.

"Come, sit." Etre'si said as they entered the room, a dark skinned human guard closed the door behind them, and stood just outside the room. They sat opposite each other on the longer ends of the table, Val brought his staff around and laid it at his side. "So, my friend, tell me what you've been doing for the past years. I'd love to hear."

Val'Rysn agreed and began to explain, over the next while the two reminisced about times they had spent together. Godix explained his Keep, telling Val how it actually wasn't very large, it only seems like it. It had two wings, the west and the east. They were currently in the East. Out of all that he told the wizard though, Tenerick didn't hear what he wanted to hear: How he actually acquired this home. Especially with personnel. He kept that in the dark for some reason. But it's not like it was much of his business, after all.

"So you've been doing good, then?" Asked Godix, Val nodded in response. "That's good to hear." He smiled and shifted in his seat.

"How did you manage to house people down here?" Began the mage, slumped in his small chair. His butt had started to hurt from sitting for so long. "Merchants, civilians, guards?"

Etre'si Godix laughed, "Oh, the guards live here in the East Wing. This is also the wing i've chosen to set up a couple shops upon personal request. I've got to make money somehow, ya'know? I just sell things that I acquire over time, trinkets, gadgets, weapons and armor. There is a second door, in the back end of the wing where I allow a select few of the Talmhaidh civilians to come in and peruse. I keep activity down here to a minimum. As for the other side, that's just a set of rooms that serve as my personal living quarters, much smaller than this Wing."

"Ah, I see." Val'Rysn had first thought that this was an underground kingdom, but now he saw that it was more of an underground settlement. Godix had told him that he has only been there for only a couple of months, and that before he came in it was actually an abandoned temple. Though it did nothing to dim the mage's lust for a place like that.

[Master Val'Rysn]

"Well, Etre'si," Val began, slowly rising from his seat and slinging his staff over his shoulder and onto his back. His knees ached and complained from being in one spot for so long, almost enough so that they wouldn't budge. But he got up anyway and said, "This has been a most interesting meeting. But if you don't mind, I have some business to attend to. I hope you don't mind me going on my way."

The other drow smiled, stood up as well and shook his head, "No no, go ahead, by all means. Just tell the guard out the door to escort you out. I hope to keep in touch, come by anytime!" When he finished his farewell Val had walked over to him for another handshake. But he paused before he put his hand out, looking to the door.

"Wait, what's that noise?" The mage inquired, his slightly enhanced elven hearing picked up the sound of clanging metal on metal. It was distant, but it was getting louder and louder. The door to the room was flung open by the guard who was standing outside of it. He had his battleaxe at the ready and a frantic look on his face as he pointed his buckler arm down the hall.

"Master Godix, it's another raid!" He said.

"Deal with it, then!" The telepathist responded, waving his arm, motioning for the guard to go. But it was already too late. The guard turned down the hall and was impaled by several crossbow bolts and was felled immediately. The two mages, startled, turned their attention to the door, watching for what approached.

A squad of Raiders rushed past the door, but three turned and entered the room. Dressed in light, black leather armor with small, red leathery wings folded on their backs... Draconians. They came in and stood side by side, rather than rushing the drow. They were sizing up the two dark elves, waiting for reactions. They weren't stupid brutes apparently, which wasn't good. They were cornered in the tiny room, even smaller moving space due to the meeting table in the center. Etre'si heard Val begin chanting an incantation to the side, and when he looked also he saw that his hands were weaving a spell.

The attackers noted that the mage was casting a spell and reacted immediately. All three of them had been holding crossbows in their arms, the two at the sides holding full sized ones while the center Draconian wielded a hand crossbow. They all leveled their aims at Val's head, and pulled the triggers.

The skilled drow mage finished both spells almost simultaneously. He thrust his hand out and sent a blue-white bolt of lightning at the center warrior's face and just as he finished his final syllable, a translucent shield of arcane energy came into existence, covering his face, neck and the top of his chest.

It was difficult for any mage to fight so close. Reaction time was lowered as well as mobility, but he had managed to pull a couple of spells off. Unfortunately it wasn't enough to save the day. The three crossbow bolts came whizzing into the shield at once. One of them impaled the invisible shield and stuck in it - and looked as if it were floating in air. The second struck the shield and did the same, but that time an audible crack erupted from the impact. Then the last whizzed in and shattered the invisible energy, dissolving it and sending the other two bolts falling to the floor. It struck Val'Rysn on the upper right hand side of his chest, right beneath the collarbone.

Pain tore through his body; being a mage, he wasn't accustomed to a pain like that. His right arm immediately went limp, by his own whim. Anything to keep the pain to a minimum. His shield shattered, and he looked to see if his spell had hit, clutching the bolt in his chest with his left hand but not pulling it out yet, and wincing from pain. Indeed, his aim was true and the bolt had struck the Draconian in the face. It felled him immediately, but he knew it wasn't from the magical force. It was literally the electric shock of the spell, probably shocking the brain itself, which temporarily paralyzed the warrior.

---------------

Etre'si, on the other hand, had done much better than his counterpart. As soon as he saw the middle Draconian raider fall he began to play with his own magic. After uttering a single syllable, a thin, light blue, arrow-shaped energy manifested in thin air, and even without any hand movements it was shot into the warrior's chest that was directly in front of him. The warrior had reloaded his crossbow, but upon being impaled himself he collapsed over the ranged weapon, accidentally shooting it off at his own throat. The bloody impale killed him immediately.

As for the last, he had pulled out a grotesque broadsword and rushed towards the wincing Val, kicking through the chairs lined on the table’s side. One, in fact, he kicked so hard it was sent at Tenerick's legs, which forced him to collapse forwards, using his left hand to keep him from face-planting the stone floor, the chair bounced to the side.

Etre'si roared, pulled out a viciously long dagger from somewhere in his robe, leaped onto the now flaming table, and slashed at the unsuspecting warrior's throat. It was just quick enough so that, when the raider fell with a gargle of blood in his throat and dropping his broadsword, the blade dropped just to the side of Val and even clipped a chip of the stone from the floor. It flew up and flicked the injured mage just beneath the right eye, forcing him to shut it.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Etre'si looked down and realized that his adrenaline rush kept him from noticing that the foot of his robe had caught fire, he quickly threw it off before it set his magical cloak aflame. It was worthless, anyway, so he just threw it atop the flaming table and hopped off of it to stand in front of the kneeling mage.

"Agh!" Val'Rysn spat, attempting to stand on his feet. Etre'si bent down and slung Val's arm around his shoulders.

"Come on, let's get out of here before we catch fire!" Godix joked, trying to lighten up the situation. The sound of battle outside the room had already died down a little bit, apparently the raid had been put down as quickly as it had begun. The two drow hopped up, Val with the aid of his fellow, and the two walked out of the room. As soon as they got out, Etre'si let Val'Rysn slouch back down with his back against the wall, after helping him take his staff from his back and set it across his lap, and his freed left arm went back to holding the bolt in his chest. A moment later a guard ran down the hall to meet them.

"Master Godix, the Draconians have been defeated, the Keep is safe again." The guard had his weapons sheathed and was holding his side, but Val saw no wound when he looked up. Probably from fatigue, a side-ache.

"Good," Etre'si began. "Clean up as fast as you can and help Master Tenerick to a room." He waved for the guard to do as he was ordered, and he responded with a nod. The healthy mage turned and regarded Val, "I'll be back momentarily, i'll meet you in your room." Etre'si turned and departed down the hall.

Val'Rysn's eyes were barely open, on the verge of unconsciousness. The pain had made him so weak he would barely move. His head slowly turned over to look at the face of a paralyzed Draconian. His weak eyes widened as he saw the man's eyes flutter open. He smiled and Val heard a click, then an arm rose up and around the edge of the doorway to point a cocked hand crossbow at the mage's face. But immediately dropped it when a small iron knife was thrust into the raider's forehead. The weak mage let out a thankful breath of air and let go of his knife, leaving it in the head of his victim. It had proved its worth by killing a single person, he thought. Plus, he needed his free hand to pick up the nicely crafted hand crossbow that had fallen beside him!

He absently picked it up and pulled the trigger, but nothing came out. There was no bolt in it! He let out a small chuckle; the draconian had cocked it but didn't load it, how comical. He tucked the weapon beneath his belt with all his might, then let his arm creep back up to the wound. His eyes, heavy as they were, looked at the dead warrior before he let pain shut his eyes; the skin was deathly pale already... Weird, it hadn't been that long since he died, right?

Blood had been seeping out of the bolt wound since it was inflicted, and by then it had almost drenched the front of the mage. He had finally fainted from that loss. The guard came forward, picked up Val, and hauled him up to his room, picking up his staff in one hand.

[Master Val'Rysn]

Val'Rysn woke up with a groan, his right eye had swollen up and forced him to keep it shut, he sat up and clutched at his shoulder as pain flooded that area again. His cloak and undershirt were off and lying on a small table beside the bed he realized he was lying upon. His black staff was laying up the length of the mage's side. He looked around and saw that he was in a small room, the bed and table practically took up all the space albeit a small bit that led to the door out. It was good enough for him, at least in his current state. He laid his head back down on the fluffy pillow at the head of the bed and shut his eyes, wincing, keeping his hand on the wound. After a moment he noticed that the pain wasn't just in his collarbone but his entire upper torso. It couldn't be... Poison? Was the tip of the bolt poisoned?

He thought it couldn't be, but yet it was in fact easy to poison a bolt. His eyes widened and he took his left arm off the wound. He reached over to his cloak and hauled it over onto his belly, jumbling it and emptying its contents onto his stomach. The scrolls and vials fell out and he tossed the cloak onto the floor. He fumbled frantically through, searching for the red vial, his vision already dimming. Once he had hold of one, he popped the cap off with one hand and practically thrust the tube down his throat, letting the liquid coat his throat and into his stomach before he even used muscles to swallow.

Almost immediately the warm, painful sensation was washed away as if he had been splashed with cold water. It had been poison! How clever, he thought to himself. He was lucky; only the gods knew how long he was unconscious. Any longer and the weak and subtle poison would have won the battle. He let out a long sigh of glee, setting the empty vial on the table. By then the only pain he felt was in the area surrounding his right collarbone. He chuckled to himself when he noticed it bandaged, but he hadn't before. He also realized that he had several healing vials also, so he reached onto his belly for the colorful liquid vials, grabbed two, and gulped them one by one. After a moment he felt the wound shrink a little, which felt so soothing one couldn't explain. But he was sure it hadn't closed the hole completely.

After that he grabbed the rest of the magical components and set them on his shirt laying on the table and sat up again, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Dead, pale skin, and lifeless eyes... Those creatures couldn't have been undead, could they?" The mage thought to himself. He knew that the body didn't lose its glow for a little while after death, not seconds after. And the way Etre'si reacted... He left abruptly and for unknown reasons. What had he to do except help his own friend to a room? Not instruct a guard to and then run off and do your own thing... The mage chuckled and shook the feeling off. Maybe he had a good explanation. He laid back down, turned over and shut his eyes, waiting for his friend's said arrival.

[Master Val'Rysn]

... Wake up...

... Wake up.



Wake up.

"Val! Wake up, my friend!" Cried Etre'si, standing over Val'Rysn's overturned body and shaking him wildly, the sleeping mage was in a trance.

After a couple more jerks Val slowly turned over so that he lay on his back, Godix backed up and smiled. "I thought you had died! Surely your little mage body can handle more pain than that." He chuckled.

Val sat up just a bit; he was in the same room. How long had he been sleeping? He was fatigued as if he had in fact had just gone through multiple hours of sleep. He felt refreshed though, and his wound only ached a little bit from beneath his white bandages. "What time is it?" Val'Rysn asked his companion, he looked him over and his eyes widened to see him without his robe. He was muscular, as muscular as a slim drow elf can be anyway. He was clad in tight fitting, black studded leather armor and had several other of the same looking vicious daggers he used earlier.

Godix noticed Val's surprise and laughed, "Yes, not only have I been training my mind but my body as well." He looked the weak drow mage over up and down, "You should, too. Looking a tad thin."

"Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?" Val responded, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and letting them dangle over the floor.

"Hmm, I guess not. Anyway, morning has just begun to dawn. I had your cloak and shirt carefully cleaned, did you sleep well?" Val nodded, Etre'si was obviously getting through all that general stuff quickly so he could say or ask something of importance.

"Out with it, then."

Etre'si smiled, picked up the cloak and shirt off the table and handed them to Val, he had already replaced the magical stuff into the cloak and he checked for that, "Haha... Not here, friend. Come to the Greeting Chamber with me." He backed up and opened the door, Val quickly slipped into his garments, grabbed his staff and followed. Once he got walking he noticed his legs hurt too, probably that chair... Damned Draconians.

The two mages traversed the halls once more, Etre'si leading the way, slowly so as to not ditch the slightly limping Val, who had whipped out his staff and used it as a walking stick. "So do these things happen often?" Val'Rysn asked his muscular companion.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. But don't worry, we've withstood many of these."

"Who were those men?" Val asked with a huff.

"Rogues. Thieves and bandits that live outside the city. They come in through my back entrance that leads out of the city. You do know that this Keep is in fact on the edge of the city?" Val nodded, and at last they had reached the room that he came in initially. It took much less time going through the halls that time. "We placed you in a room near mine, if you must know." Etre'si blurted suddenly, as he was opening the door leading to the Chamber. It answered Val's question so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

When they entered the room Val'Rysn saw a contingency of guards, mages and priests about. Doing various things, coming in and out of the East Wing. Apparently yesterday Etre'si had asked personally for the room to be emptied for Tenerick's arrival, but now it bustled with activity. His stone throne had a lightly armored guard on either side, he walked up the dais and plopped down on it. Val just walked to the center of the dais. He heard a priest chanting beside him but didn't really care about why.

"So, Val'Rysn, my friend," Godix began, the mage turned his attention toward the King of the Keep. "I have a favor to ask for you. On account of the recent attack, I have busy matters to attend to. But, unfortunately, I have to meet a friend within the morrow. But I won't be able to make it..."

The gimp mage had a weird look on his face, an incredulous look. "What?" Etre'si asked. Val was silent, mulling things over in his noggin.

Val'Rysn's expression dimmed, he knew what his friend was going to ask. "And I want you to meet him, in my place." ... His suspicions were correct.

"Well that was rather blunt." Val thought to himself. "... A friend?" the mage quickly responded, emphasizing the last word to try and implicate that the idea was absurd.

"Indeed."

"You expect me to do this with a limp in my step and a rather annoying pain in my chest?"

"Ahaha... You'll be fine, Master Tenerick."

"Former Master Tenerick, " He retorted, then waited a second before saying, "No. I can't. I have things to do myself, you know."

"Like what? Please, I beg you, especially on account of me saving your life." Etre'si responded with a laugh.

"Saved my - saved my what!?" Val responded, a hint of anger crept into his voice. But he quickly calmed down and composed himself. It was the truth, though. If it weren't for the strong Etre'si, Val would have had his head cleaved in half. But still, that does not mean he can be coaxed into running an absurd errand for him.

"Calm down, my friend," Godix said, keeping a kindly voice, "What if I threw in a pile of gold in the process? 10,000 sound good?" Now THAT just might - might - make him go through with it. He laughed to himself.

"10,000?"

"You have no idea how much gold I have amassed with merchandise. I have no trouble giving such a sum, especially to a friend. Please. I'll even give you the money for the trip there." Etre'si begged, whispering to his right hand guard, then the guard came down from the dais and pulled out a rolled piece of parchment and a small leather pouch from his sleeve and handed them to the limping mage.

"A trip? Where are you expecting me to go?" Val peeked inside the pouch and saw gold glittering back at him, he tucked it away in his cloak and his attention turned to the parchment. Before he unrolled it, he felt a soothing warmth wash over his entire body and in an instant, he felt as if his body had been revitalized - though the pain in his chest was still throbbing a little, his eye felt great though. He looked surprisingly to his side at the male priest who had a big smile on his face. He bowed and turned to walk away.

"Thank you, good sir!" The drow mage exclaimed, slinging his staff back over his back. "What a waste of two healing potions!" He quietly thought to himself. He unrolled the parchment then and saw that it was a well-drawn map, a map of... The Red Forest? "Raiaera!? What is this?" Val asked.

"'Tis a map -"

"Well, obviously." Val interrupted.

"A map of where it is I want you to go. I can tell that you've already thought about accepting my request. The safest path I have marked with a line." He continued, ignoring his friends smart remark. Val took a second look and saw a thin, curvy line extending Eluriand to a place in the Red Forest, 'Lindequalme' was written beneath it. "It will be a short trip -"

"I thought you said this needed to be done in a day?" The revitalized mage interjected.

"Oh, yes! I did, didn't I? Well it must've slipped out. No no, take your time. Now as I was saying," Etre'si paused for a moment, waiting to see if Val wanted to interrupt him again. He was silent, so he moved on, "You should have no trouble getting there. That is, if you go with these:" The guard that gave him the parchment whipped out a pair of knee-high, purple studded leather boots. He handed them to Val, who cradled them in his arms. They were magnificent! The soft leather caressed his black skin and they had the sleek shine of enchantment. "Those boots will allow you to be as light as a feather - You can walk for miles! Go ahead, try them on. Keep them, too, while you're at it!"

Val smiled and quickly slipped off his rugged adventurers’ boots and put his small feet into the silky leather cradles that were called Feather Boots. A snug fit. Not to mention, very fashionable. He wished he had that purple cloak to match the boots. He chuckled to himself at the thought, "Many thanks, friend." He responded calmly, trying not to act so happy and jovial. They were indeed a fancy gift.

"No problem. But this means that you must do it." With a slight twist of tongue, Etre'si had practically tricked Val into meeting this mystery woman. It wasn't even clever, either... Val was blinded by lust, the want for the things he offered in return.

"... Right now?" He asked quietly. He had decided to accept the mission in the end, before it turned into an ultimatum. Etre'si nodded.

"If you plan on reaching your destination in time, I suggest you do leave right now. I pray for your safety, friend!" Godix responded. Val bowed for final thanks for the boots after staring at his friend incredulously for a moment, then spun around and walked towards the dark hall, and laughed as he saw a dead Draconian being dragged across the floor towards Etre'si's wing, smearing a bloody trail across the stone floor... Strange? He had a bloody knife stuck into his forehead. Val'Rysn quickly bent down and plucked it out of his brain before they took the body wherever they were taking it, and shoved it into its leather home. Then, with a look back at Etre'si who gave him a nod, he continued walking into the lightless hall that led out, leaving the stale air behind. It was so weird and abrupt, leaving right away without a proper farewell. Val wasn't even sure if he wanted to do it, might even think about wandering off once he left - He only said he'd do it so he could leave the infested crypt before another raid came in. Nonetheless, his old friend had believed him, Etre'si was sitting on his throne with a smile of content...

... He was planning something. Something far more then a simple "meeting."

END



Val's story continues here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=7985)

Spoils
Boots of the Feather: These fashionable boots are imbued with an enchantment that makes the wearer "as light as a feather." Allowing them to walk along surfaces such as snow, swamp, or anything of the like and not sink into the depths. Very useful.

Hand Crossbow: This is a simple hand crossbow, made from oak wood and steel, just small enough to fit snugly tucked in his belt and a small quicker of bolts would fit right next to it. Sadly, he hasn't acquired any crossbow bolts for it, yet.

[Skie and Avery]

STORY

Continuity: 5 - Okay. Here goes. First off, this was a pretty simple premise. An old friend knows you’re traveling around the region, wants to meet up. The basic storyline was fine, what I had problems with were the smaller continuity details. For example, why isn’t he a master anymore? Also, in one of your first posts, you stated that he couldn’t remember his old friend’s name, but only remembered him as “Master Mage.” Post 6 comes along, and not only do we get details about the non-birth given surname, but he goes on to call him by name without needing his memory refreshed. This is just really confusing to me. There was also a confusion caused by setting, but I’ll address it in it’s own category.

Setting: 1 - Okay. Several problems here. First and foremost, you need more descriptive narrative. The only scene I got a good visual from your writing was the one in which there was complete and utter darkness. The play of shadow and light you did well in, but the rest fell into vague mediocrity. Secondly, Dheathain is an entire continent that is swamp/rainforest based. In the description, it even says that the plains, by which Talmhaidh sits, is pretty frequently flooded. Therefore, the OLD city (not new) of Talmhaidh would not be a desert one. I mean, it even sits right by the ocean. Something I didn’t take points for but would like to note is that faerie races control half the city. Iron is lethal to fae. Doesn’t really make sense that the guards that keep the fae safe would wear armor made of something that would hurt them. Again, no points were taken because I’m not sure if Dheathain fae follow all the racial qualities of our own earthian fae. Just something that bugged me. Also, the underground keep is basically a huge basement. Basements are rarely found in port cities because they are known to flood often. Like ten million times a year. This is why the graveyards of New Orleans have a lot of above ground ossuaries. Knowing where you are placing a thread involves more than just names of the cities and denizens, and while players are encouraged to make the world of Althanas personal in their stories, going against the basic regional traits without a good reason/explination does nothing but confuse the reader and reduce the dignity of your thread.


Pacing: 7 - Not too bad here. It was a little difficult to get into this quest at first, but for the most part it didn’t drag on in the wrong places. You did very well here, in one of the hardest aspects of story writing. Something to work on is to grab the reader’s attention right from the start. Not with a post dedicated to a page from the character’s journal or whatnot, but in the actual narrative.

CHARACTER

Dialogue: 4 - Another area that needs work. Jerky and unbelievable, most of the time. For one, I don’t think Drow say “cool”.

Action: 6 - For a Drow, this guy is pretty laid back and friendly. That could just be him, whatever. From his actions, I didn’t get that great of a feel for the character. He just kind of went along with everything. Okay, okay, okay. Thinking about it that way, he was played pretty consistently. Something else that could be worked on here is how you phrase things. There were confusing points that had me all mixed up on who was doing what, in regards to the shield/attack on the Draconians, but most of that has to do with Writing Style, which will be discussed later.

Persona: 3 - I don’t feel that you have a good handle on him just yet. Hopefully a few more threads will see this category rise as you get the feel of the character, but for the moment, I just feel like he’s more or less background noise rather than the actual narration subject.


WRITING STYLE

Mechanics: 5 - There were quite a few spelling errors here, and you have the habit of slipping into present tense from your main use of past. It’s annoying and throws off the flow of reading. For the spelling, I recommend http://www.spellcheck.net if you lack one on your own computer. It’s free. Also, I’ve found that reading your sentences aloud before you post can catch the little errors that your eyes automatically adjust to when proofreading. In fact, going back and re-reading all your posts and making the proper grammatical and spelling fixes before submitting the judging request is something I highly recommend. If you have any friends who enjoy reading fantasy, ask them to be your “beta-checkers” and read your threads before you submit.

Technique: 3 - There were a few lines that I really liked. You’ve got a lot of potential, and I feel that a lot of work could really allow you to grow into a truly amazing writer. Let’s talk about fragments. There are times when using a sentence fragment can enhance a paragraph, bringing a point into more frame of light, making a point more poignant. I felt that you used too many fragments, and few of them were used well. Let’s take the first paragraph of post 3 and examine it.


Val'Rysn stood for a moment at that spot, his eyes darting side to side, taking in the whole city with one look. It wasn't very beautiful, to say the least. Not yet, anyway. The ground was dirt and sand, almost like some kind of desert town, but upon closer inspection he saw short blades of grass growing ever-so-slightly in several designated areas around the courtyard. And several baby trees too. That, coupled with the smell of baking brick and mortar beneath the sun's merciless gaze. Just few of many small things that showed the city's adolescnece.

Out of the seven sentences there, only three are not fragments. Also, you misspelled “adolescence.” Let’s re-write this, to say the same thing (ignoring the glaring ignoration of the general climate and setting of Dheathain.) Please note that I highlight the one fragment that actually serves it’s meager purpose.


Val’Rysn let his eyes dart from side to side as he took in the city. It wasn’t beautiful, to say the least. Not yet, anyway. The desert-like ground of dirt and sand gave way here and there to patches of grass and young saplings. The adolescence of the city was a scent of baking brick and mortar beneath the merciless gaze of the sun.

Clarity: 6 - As I’ve mentioned before, there were some parts here where I had to re-read to understand who was doing what and what exactly it was that they had just done. For the most part, however, you did a fine job of keeping the flow of the story moving along in a sane, clear matter.

Wild Card: 4 - This is the first thing I’ve read from you and for something you’d done solo after such a long break from Althanas, it wasn’t bad. I know that relatively speaking, Dheathain is a new region. However, I impore you that before you jump headfirst into unfamiliar territory, please make sure you know what it is that you are getting into. There are specific continent writers for a reason, aside from tossing out the occasional political status change of the region. If something doesn’t seem to make any sense, such as a desert city next to the ocean on a rainforest/swamp inspired continent, bringing your questions and thoughts to the mod in question via PM or IM would help considerably with the sort of mistakes that were made in this thread.

Total: 44

Master Val’Rysn receives 418 EXP and 97 gold. He also receives the Feather Boots. This item is made of enchanted vlince with a cushy cotton lining. They are enchanted so that no foot pain impedes a travelers wanderings. I.E. They are so comfortable that no matter how long a person walks, they feel no pain or discomfort in the foot area. Marginally lengthens stamina for WALKING ALONE. Please do not forget to include a link to this quest as well as the previous stipulations in your next level update. As a matter of importance to your next thread, Raiaera has certain energy/magic fields which will negate the enchantment on the boots. While on that continent they are nothing but a pair of comfy, flashy footwear.

Val does NOT receive the crossbow he picked up off the Draconian. It somehow was lost during his recovery.

[Letho]

EXP/GP added.