Constructive Criticism

[Zook Murnig]

Alright, this is going to be similar to the Something Positive threads, except there will be no ego-massage. Simply offer a piece of constructive criticism for the person who posted before you, that they may improve their own writing.

No flaming, as always. Don't just post to say "you suck, write better," or anything of that sort. This is intended as a way to help each other improve.

EDIT: I hate that I have this nagging feeling, but I feel like I must also warn against blatant ego-massage such as "I see no way for you to improve" or "You're awesome, keep it up." Similar reasons.

[Seth_Rahl]

Coolio. I suggest you enact the Five Post Rule, however, before people get critisizm crazy.

Zook, you are a good writer with lots of potential. You could be better, however, with timing, I've found. The timing of your words and sentances is a little off, either that or your sentances leave some things left to be desired. But again, its not something to be too worried about. As long as your having fun, that's what matters.

[Bloodrose]

Seth-

From what I've read of yours (a bit here and a bit there), your pacing is the one big thing that stands out to me as maybe needing some work. ICly you tend to pack a whole boatload of conversation, action, and information into the majority of your posts. This can be fine, but a lot of the time it just makes the reader feel like they are getting rushed through everything, and makes the thread harder to follow overall. There is a definite this happened! and then this happened! and over there! watch out! feeling to your writing...

Other than that, your spelling and grammar seem to be pretty consistent, and you seem to have a pretty good handle on your character (Ifrit at least).

[Reiko]

Bloodrose: I've read a little bit of your stuff and it's really well done. No errors stick out at me and interrupt the flow and everything is pretty tight all around.

Now the thing is that you are a bit overcautious with your writing. It feels sterile and you really need to take some chances. Maybe try 1st person and have it be Teric telling his tale to some grandchild or child of a friend or even some friends at a bar or a diary. Writing a story is an art form and being perfect keeps you from raising above the usual crowd. Just remember that when you do break the rules to be careful.

[Atzar]

I approve of this thread.

Your strong point is the emotion of your characters. I thought that your weak point (and this can go for many of the writers on Althanas) is consistent grammar. I remember seeing run-ons, fragments when they served no purpose, mispelled words, and things like that. The best way to fix this is to read your post a few more times. Maybe you can wait for a day or two, until the post isn't so fresh in your mind. Read it specifically for grammar. Better yet, read it out loud - that's one of the best ways to catch run-ons or awkwardly worded sentences. As for typos, a trick that I've learned is to read through your post - backwards. That way, you pay attention to each word, and you catch mistakes that you otherwise might miss.