Supplies to be had.

[Khalxaen]

’Who cares if it isn’t right, I’m doing this. Khalxaen said in her mind as she looked at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand. This wasn’t the first time she was going to work for the wrong side of the law, and it never bothered her one bit before, and this time was no different.

The mission was simple. There would a caravan traveling right outside Scara Brae, and the ones who accept the mission will need to take the supplies from the said caravan and bring it to a place where the Scara Scourge would take over. Khalxaen couldn’t even remember how she got herself into this, all she knew was she needed it for the money.

Someone from the Scara Scourge had briefed her about it—he was an old man with a receding hairline, and Khalxaen found herself trying to stay awake rather than listening to what he said. No matters, she was just about sure that it was going to be a piece of cake.

Plus, she won’t be alone. The old man said that there she was going to be accompanied with someone, and that someone would meet her up in the bar she was currently in. The demon looked around with her scarlet eyes. The bar was almost empty, since it wasn’t dark yet, when that was when people started going to the bards to start their nightlife. Whoever she was going with shouldn’t be that hard to spot, apart from the fact that she had no clue how he or she looked like.

It might prove tough to find whoever it was, Khalxaen just wished with a sigh that it was someone clever who could spot her before she spot them. That would make it much faster and this mission would be over even quicker.

((Open to one (or two). More info here - http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=381 (Second). Anyone can join, as long as you please, please make it a point to finish what you started.))

[Izvilvin]

There was a childlike innocence to the Drow in these last few days. Not understanding the words of men he passed by made it difficult to know intentions, thus Izvilvin had agreed to help the Scara Scourge.

To a discerning eye he appeared to be a mercenary of sorts, or at least a traveling warrior who could do dirty work for gold, and so they'd grabbed him. Communication was beyond difficult, but the Drow were notorious for their skill, so the Scourge spared little expense in hiring a linguist to translate. It was shaky, but Izvilvin got the point. Money for work. Having barely seen a gold piece in his life, the Drow had nodded.

He knew the gist of what he had to do, and had been told a physical description of who he would be working with and where to find her. With another person leading the way, his lack of language skills wouldn't be an issue.

But he had to skulk and sneak his way about the town. Most people didn't see Drow in a kind light, and despite his best attempts to hide his heritage, there was always someone in these last few days who knew what he was. He did well, and managed to make it to the bar without being spotted.

What to do now? He surely couldn't enter the bar, he realized. There were too many people there, and it would defeat the purpose of sneaking about Scara Brae if he was willing to waltz into a tavern.

He snuck about the side of the building, keeping close to the wall. He peeked into a window to examine the inside, seeing nobody who matched the description. Slowly Izvilvin hunkered down and shimmied to the other side of the window, peering in from that angle. Right by the window was a woman.

Dark hair. A common trait among humans.
Pointed ears. A... Less common trait, to be sure.
Old scarf? It had to be her.

A sai was in the Drow's hand immediately, and he brought it to tap against the glass of the window. He tried to be loud enough for her to notice, but not quite loud enough to be noticed by everyone else as well. Were she attentive, Izvilvin was confident she would hear. When she turned, he would gesture for her to come outside.

[Khalxaen]

Scarlet eyes snapped opened as Khalxaen was brought out of her reverie. A tap came on the window pane which was behind her, and she lifted her chin from its rest place on her hand. She had been thinking deeply about just what kind of person was going to be her companion on this mission. Was it a boy, a girl, old, young, a human, a demon, or even something else? The bar seemed to only have old men, and none of them looked like they were just about to partake in an underground mission that went against the town’s current government.

The demon tilted her head and quickly turned around to whoever had called her attention. Blinking, she saw someone with the features she hadn’t really seen before. Of course, she had been brought up in such a quiet village that she hadn’t much idea about other facts in the world of Althanas.

He was tall and had the clothing of what Khalxaen could only guess to be a profession of an assassin, but there must be other more mysterious reasons on why someone would dress so darkly. One must not assume so quickly, or it might lead to other problems.

The color of his skin and his hair were a contrast of ebony and ivory, and his ears were long, and this caused Khalxaen to discard every thought of her companion being a human. Even though his hair was white, he looked nothing like any other old person.

Khalxaen blinked and realized she was staring—not something very polite. She gestured him to wait for awhile as she hopped out of her chair and walked towards the door, gingerly opening it. She stepped unto the dirty streets of Scara Brae and walked towards the person who called her attention. The demon looked up and noticed that he was much taller than she was, a fact she hadn’t realized from sitting inside the bar.

“Hey. Why’d you call my attention?” Khalxaen asked boldly, even though she was pretty sure he was the one she was looking for. Naturally, nobody else would have tapped the window, but it was always better to be sure.

[Izvilvin]

Izvilvin deftly stuffed his sai into his belt as the woman began to leave the bar. He was slightly nervous; what if this was all some ploy to get him killed? Corone and Scara Brae hadn't been kind to him so far. Most folk ran from him, and the idea that a group of humans would pretend to hire him just to get him killed, was one he could believe. But it had been so long since the Drow had a cooked meal, meat and vegetables with a glass of dwarven ale. The risk seemed worth it.

The woman asked him a question, he could tell by her tone. He understood only some of the words, but was smart enough to know what she was asking. "Xun dos telanth ussta xanalress?" he asked. She didn't have time to answer before he followed up, pointing to himself as he enunciated his name. "Iz-vil-vin," he spoke in his raspy voice.

He then produced a small sheet of paper from within his shirt and handed it to her. On it was the sloppy handwriting of a Scourge member, written in bold black ink.


Yo,
This is the guy helping you. He looks tough, so just point to where shit is and he'll figure out what to do. Watch it though, he's a Drow after all. Don't screw up!

When a moment had passed, Izvilvin threw his hair back with one hand and beckoned for her to lead the way. He was more than confident that he could do the work alone, a simple hijacking of a caravan didn't sound like something difficult to pull off. Besides, he could likely gather some inside information on the Scourge for Step... If he could understand what they were.

[Khalxaen]

Khalxaen looked up from the Drow to the paper in her hand. Her mouth was agape as she looked at what was about to happen—she was about to go on a mission with someone with a totally different language than hers. The whole time, they might as well be playing a game of gestures.

But in other words, it was quite challenging to hear. Khalxaen assumed that he had told her his name, ‘Izvilvin’. Not a very common name, but then again, hers wasn’t so common either. She pointed to herself with glee in her eyes, and copied the way he had told her his name. “Khal-xa-en! But you can call me Khal! Okay… Khal! Khaal!” She grinned widely, knowing perfectly that he might get annoyed with her. She didn’t mind, she was actually enjoying herself.

With a content grin, he followed his request that she lead the way. She walked towards the outskirts of town, glancing back at her companion now and then. When they arrived to their destination, the streets were still quiet save some guards who were probably waiting for the caravan. Khalxaen slowly hid behind a couple of trees as she glanced up at the Drow. It would be awhile until the caravan would come, maybe.

She knew he couldn’t understand her, and maybe she could act stupid in something else, like trying to think of a strategy. Instead, she said with great curiosity, “So, what’s a Drow?”

[Izvilvin]

"Ka Al," he pronounced, hoping half-heartedly that he had done it right. Drow language was more focused on 'slick' words, many ecks and ss sounds, so pronouncing certain things in common didn't come naturally to him. It seemed to sound fine, however, as Khalxaen began to lead the way. He was hardly annoyed, as she had expected him to be, merely anxious. Eager to get the mission done so he could buy a good cooked meal from someone who valued gold over race.

He followed at a distance, unsure of how his heritage might be making her feel. She looked back often, so he assumed she was wary of him being at her back. Izvilvin made sure to keep his hands away from his weapons and follow quietly, but at the same time he watched her, taking a measure of how she moved and reacted. If this was some trap, he wanted to know how to take her apart and flee.

They reached the edge of town, and Izvilvin observed a trio of guards patrolling a wide dirt clearing, one road leading into the forest, one road leading to the north. The Drow knew the caravans would be well guarded, and that he and his companion would be far outnumbered if they tried to take all of the wagons at once.

She asked a question again. Izvilvin understood 'Drow', so he looked at her quickly, taking a study of her face. She was awaiting an answer, he saw, but he wasn't sure how to answer. He pointed to himself, to his hair and eyes, his ears, then put his hand on his chest. He was trying to explain that he was a Drow, and didn't understand that she probably wanted to know the specifics of Drow history.

Then his purple eyes darted back to the three guards. If there were three of them per wagon, and these three here as well, taking any of the shipments was going to prove difficult. More and more, he started to think they weren't going to be able to manage taking them all. One thing he did know, is that they needed to take care of these guards now, before one of the caravans came by.

He poked her shoulder to get her attention, then pointed to himself, and finally to the guards. He drew a sai into each hand and rubbed them together to make sure his intentions were known, and snuck off along a row of bushes, keeping very low to the ground. The guards were talking, but Izvilvin couldn't understand much of it.

Slowly he turned, to try and see what Khalxaen was doing. He didn't want to strike before she was ready.

[Khalxaen]

The Drow had crept off towards the bushes, making his presence unknown towards the three guards. As much as speaking lacked, what Khalxaen understood was that he wanted to get rid of the guards that were there at the moment. Yes, that was probably a smart thing to do. Khalxaen quietly followed him, her petite figure being an advantage to her at times when they needed to move with stealth.

“The caravan’s passing through the checkpoint, go and report.” One of the guards told another. The guard he was talking to ran away. Great, now they only had to take care of two, and they seemed to be small fry in the first place. Taking them out would prove easy if they didn’t even know what hit them, and they wouldn’t be able to warn any other people.

Khalxaen’s scarlet eyes looked at the Drow and she smiled at him—he seemed to be anticipating her being ready. They didn’t have time to waste, the caravan might be arriving soon. She grabbed the hilt of her sword and gestured to her companion that they should move now.

She didn’t want to actually kill the men. Even though she was partaking in such a mission, she was still the type of person to avoid any unnecessary deaths. How the Drow acted in his job was his own choice, and she wasn’t going to mind his actions. She gestured him again to go, and without waiting for his reply, she jumped out and hit one of the guards on the head, on a spot which caused him to get knocked out cold. Khalxaen quickly looked over towards the direction of the Drow, hoping he had done the same towards the other guard.

In the distance of the dust road, she could hear the wheels of the caravan. They were closely coming in, just in the distance. Khalxaen’s ears twitched as she strained her hearing, and she quickly grabbed the guard she had knocked out. She dragged him towards the bushes to hide his body, as it wouldn’t be pretty if the people from the caravan see it lying there.

“Izvilvin…?” Khalxaen called out in question, hoping he had done what he had to.

[Izvilvin]

His companion leapt quickly into action, and Izvilvin followed close by. As she struck one of the guards, he leapt up and drove a sai into the side of the other's neck, quickly enough that the man didn't realize what was happening. The Drow put his weight into the handle, twisting the weapon around to tear the muscle from his flesh. A spray of blood followed, but it was quickly blocked by Izvilvin's hand as he dragged the guard into a nearby bush and hid him.

It was the first time in decades that Izvilvin had killed, he didn't feel any strong emotion associated with it.

Khalxaen said his name anxiously, and a quick glance toward her told him she had heard the first of the caravans approaching. He ducked down quickly, getting out of sight just as the wagon rolled out of the woods and into the clearing. The guard, Izvilvin noted, was the same one that had just left the clearing for some reason. He said something in a confused manner and the caravan rolled to a stop.

The Drow, very close to the wagon but hidden well enough not to be spotted by the three guards on board, watched the returning guard as he wandered about the clearing, hollaring some words the Drow didn't understand. He was looking for his companions, Izvilvin knew, and as the guards dropped off of the caravan to help him look, he also knew he and his companion 'Khal' would soon be discovered.

He couldn't see her from where he was hiding, and couldn't risk trying to communicate without calling the attention of the guards. With four of them around, Izvilvin didn't feel comfortable fighting them without some kind of sneak attack.

So be it.

A guard was walking by his location, greaves clanging with each heavy step from the armor warrior. Izvilvin saw a gap in between portions of the leg armor, and used the opportunity to strike forward, plunging the main prong of one of his sai into the man's ankle.

The guard screamed and dropped his sword. The only reason his shield stayed with him was because it was strapped to his forearm. Izvilvin got up quickly, bringing his second sai across the stab at the guard's neck. The human kept the presance of mind to fall back, limping painfully as the Drow pressed forward.

A third and fourth sai attack followed, one narrowly avoided and one blocked by the guard's wooden shield. Izvilvin had to hold on tightly so that his sai wasn't torn from his hand as the guard pulled back. A twist and tug got his sai loose, but Izvilvin had to fall back as a second guard came to aid his ally.

[Khalxaen]

Khalxaen was on the branches of a large tree which were nearby the bushes they were hiding it. Her companion, she could see, hid beneath the bushes. The reason she had climbed up was because she thought it would give her a good view, plus, she would also be able to jump on top one of the caravans from that place.

There were other problems to take care of at the moment, though. The guard that had left before had come back, and he was looking for his companions which Khalxaen and Izvilvin had taken care of. They seemed to be speaking amongst themselves and instructing each other to spread out, be on their guards, and look for the other two guards.

Khalxaen watched below as Izvilvin attacked a guard and accomplishing what he intended to do. As soon as he pulled back, another guard followed suit, and even another one after him. ‘I suppose he can take care of the other.’ Khalxaen told herself. Unsheathing her sword, she jumped down from the tree and ambushed the one further Izvilvin, slashing her sword against his back.

Blood splattered on the floor as he gave a scream of yelp and went lunging towards the ground. Khalxaen’s nose scrunched as she sniffed the familiar scent of blood, something that, for some reason, she liked. She glanced over at Izvilvin to see if he had taken care of the guard that had come for him. That was three down, if ever, and the fourth guard seemed to have gone the other direction. If he had heard his companion’s yells, he would probably be racing back now.

The guards were strong, and probably the only reason they were taken down with a few strikes were because they had been ambushed in the simplest way. Khalxaen gestured that they enter the first wagon and take what they must, and she heard noises from inside, probably from the merchants. She had also been informed that there would be merchants to take care of, aside from the guards.

[Izvilvin]

The injured guard collapsed as his ally came in to help, clutching his ankle and trying to deal with the pain. As a third guard came to help fight Izvilvin, who they all believed to be the only enemy present, Khalxaen arrived from the sky and crippled him with a single blow.

Meanwhile the guard pressed, slashing his sword in quick, focused strikes as the Drow dodged left and right. The guard presented no weak defensive points as he attacked, so Izvilvin was biding his time. Finally, the human overcompensated one of his slashes, allowing the Drow to step into the attack and drive a sai into an opening in his scale mail. The second weapon came close behind, going for the throat yet again.

The guard fell lifelessly to the ground. Izvilvin heard the fourth rounding the wagon, shouting something in a panicked voice, and also thought he heard some rustling inside the transport. As the guard became visible, Izvilvin threw one of his sai toward his head. The guard's eyes nearly popped from his head, but he managed to get his shield up in time to block the sai and embed the weapon into the wood.

As he slowly lowered the shield, he was able to see Izvilvin again, charging hard at him. The human was too slow to defend as the Drow came into his space, driving his other sai under his chin and into his head. The weapon came out quickly as the guard dropped; yet another efficient kill. He quickly swiped his sai out of the shield and dove toward the wagon, pressing against it as two tired-looking men with crossbows revealed themselves.

To his knowledge, there were going to be four more of these caravans. It didn't take him long to decide that taking them all was not going to be possible, not like this. He looked to Khalxaen and wanted to communicate his feelings, but all he managed was a series of confused syllables.

The merchants yelled, Izvilvin knew they had just been asleep and had come out to investigate. He got up quickly and dove toward the bushes again, as an arrow nearly hit the side of his body. He tumbled hard into the sharp branches as the other merchant took aim at Khal.

[Khalxaen]

“Wait, Izvilvin, I don’t get what you’re trying to say…” Khalxaen said out loud as she raised her hands in panic, trying to tell him that she was confused. She couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell her, as he seemed to be saying random syllables, although maybe they would have meant something if Khalxaen could just speak his language. The demon’s head was throbbing as the stench of blood surrounded her, and she was concentrating on keeping her composure.

She blinked as her companion suddenly ducked, and an arrow came towards the place he had previously been. It missed him by just a couple of inches. Surprised, Khalxaen turned around to see a merchant aiming an arrow at her quickly. In a snap, it came towards her. She did the first thing that came to her mind: evade. The arrow’s sharp point hit her cheek, leaving a tiny trail of blood in the process. She heard it hit the tree behind her. Moving quickly, she started running towards the merchants, chanting a spell that emitted spikes of ice in the air, aimed towards the two. They weren’t fast to retaliate as one of them got hit, the spikes penetrating into his skin. The said merchant came lunging towards the ground.

The second one was able to evade, and he brought out a shot sword for close combat. He aimed for Khalxaen and she ducked to the right, striking her own sword towards him. He was able to duck a bit, but not enough, and the wound that emitted on his chest caused him to gasp for air.

Without thinking, Khalxaen stepped on the caravan and pushed the merchant aside, peeking inside the dark vehicle. She looked outside towards the Drow, inquiring on what to do next. “Drow boy, I suppose you can’t understand me right now, but what should we do?”

Get the items from this wagon probably, she though. And then do the same procedure for the next? By the time the last wagon came, they would probably have lost all stamina. They needed a better game plan, if ever.

[Izvilvin]

Khalxaen had dispatched the two merchants, so Izvilvin didn't waste any time in rejoining her at the wagon. She spoke to him, but he didn't pick up a single word of it. It was a question, he supposed, but he was too focused on the sound of rumbling in the distance. Likely the other wagons, having heard screams and sounds of battle from their comrades. The Drow wasn't willing to stick around to try and fight them all off, so he ran to the front of the caravan, slapped the butt of the wagon's horse and jumped on board.

He climbed to the back, where Khalxaen was, and came next to her to look out the back. Two wagons rounded the corner, coming from the woods, and another two followed them. The guards and merchants passed their dead companions and howled in rage. Merchants took aim and fired their arrows. Izvilvin ducked deep into the wagon, trying to drag Khal with him as he went.

Nobody was driving the wagon, he realized as he looked out front. The violent rocking of the caravan made it difficult for him to crawl forward to get a better look. Quickly he turned back to his companion, making desperate motions, as if he were holding the horse's reigns and directing it. He didn't know how to drive a carriage or wagon, but hoped Khalxaen did.

Because they were heading toward a cliff wall. Were they to crash into it at the speed they were going, they would undoubtably be killed. If by some miracle they survived, the humans following would finish the job. An arrow pierced the tarp and nearly hit him, something had to be done.

"*Bwael ap'zen," he told her, patting her shoulder and making his way out of the front of the wagon. Dangerously he climbed on top of the bouncing vehicle. An arrow came at him, then another, both of which missed. Gathering his resolve and his strength, Izvilvin broke into a run and leapt from the caravan, landing on top of the closest following one. He had to parry quickly as a guard slashed at his foot. His hand vibrated violently with with impact.

Luckily enough, the merchants on the other wagons were not ambitious enough to risk firing arrows at the Drow while he was among their allies, so they concentrated on raining the bolts down on the runaway wagon.

Izvilvin moved quickly, narrowly evading slashes as he looked for openings. A sword came for his neck, but the Drow stepped into the man slashing, grabbing his arm and prying the sword away with a quick twist. The man yelped in pain, and with a quick kick to the gut from the Drow, he was tumbling off the wagon to the ground below.

The elf leapt forward suddenly, throwing the sword with all the precision possible under the circumstances. Just as he'd hoped, the sword found home in the back of the horse pulling the caravan. As the creature fell in pain, Izvilvin jumped to the ground, tucking into a roll to absorb the impact. The wagon quickly fell over the horse and tumbled apart. Izvilvin hoped the goods weren't too damaged.

"**Alu xuileb uns'aa," Izvilvin said to himself. "Usstan orn tlu tenu."

The remaining caravans were coming fast. Izvilvin had nowhere to run. He certainly would not lie down and die, his life outside of Alerar had too many adventures left. There was too much to learn, to much to experience. He wanted to learn common, make a friend, kill Vordutin, and see his mother again.

No. Izvilvin would certainly not lie down and die.

*Good luck.
**Go without me. I will be alright.

[Khalxaen]

“My hell!” Khalxaen shrieked as she saw the cliff wall she was going to crash into right of the distance. The horse seemed to be in such a panic; as if it was going berserk—and it didn’t seem to help that it could hear another horse’s cries right behind them. Khalxaen blinked; just what was Izvilvin doing, jumping off a speeding wagon like that? He had told her something that she couldn’t understand, but it seemed to be encouraging her for something.

The demon had to do something, that gigantic cliff wall didn’t seem so amusing to be crashed upon. She did have knowledge of controlling horses, although as vague as they could get. Looking back, she could see a distant scene of Izvilvin being sent to the ground, and the wagon nearby being sent tumbling to the ground.

Khalxaen raced to the horse’s reins and tried to pull on them as hard as she could to get it to halt, but it was still panicked. A lot of things frightened horses, to Khalxaen’s memory, and it wasn’t that easy to calm it back down unless it knew you. The cliff was coming closer, and trying the horse to get to like her wasn’t working. I hope this doesn’t hurt too much… She climbed unto the horse’s back, gulping as she saw the speed it was going. It didn’t seem to like having someone it didn’t know on it’s back as it went faster.

The cliff was coming closer, and Khalxaen pulled as hard as she could to get the horse to steer right just as she was a few feet away from the cliff. The horse rapidly turned around, but the wagon’s weight was pulling them backwards as it tumbled side wards and was about to crash towards the cliff. Khalxaen cut the ties between the wagon and the horse so they wouldn’t be sent with the impact. Some splinters and wooden blocks from the wagon hit the horse’s back, causing it to be frightened again. Khalxaen could understand as the same things hit her back.

The horse still wouldn’t stay put even when Khalxaen was pulling on its reigns. She leaned down and stroked it’s back, making “ssh” noises. After awhile, it calmed down and gradually followed her whim. Khalxaen looked at the wagon and sighed at it’s crash remnants, though it wasn’t as terrible as she thought. Even though it wasn’t much, she was able to prevent from crashing full-force when she took hold of the horse.

I’ll check it later, I want to find out if Izvilvin’s okay first. She jumped off of the horse, not wanting to bring it along since she had a feeling it might go berserk again. She did tie it’s reigns by a nearby tree, in case they needed it later on. The demon ran towards the direction Izvilvin was left. It took her awhile to find him, and she noticed that it was just he against three wagons.

Not that she was saying he couldn’t do it, but wasn’t that a bit too much? “What do you think you did!?” Khalxaen screamed at him. She wasn’t the kind of person to take leaving her to fight against this much too lightly, if ever, she was annoyed. If she had come back to find him dead, then that would have haunted her forever.

[Izvilvin]

Khal had managed to steer the horse aside. Good. Izvilvin felt that he could fight with abandon now, knowing she had cut the ties to the wagon and sped off. With no time to get to a safe distance, the Drow desperately rolled away as the leading caravan barreled past, inches from his skull was the closest wheel. The three guards leapt from the rolling transport as it slowed, just long enough for them to safely descend.

They yelled in unison and charged likewise, blades held high overhead, shields forward. They saw what had been done to their friends, the efficient throat killings; the humans were treating Izvilvin like a serious threat, which would make fighting them all the more difficult. He backed up rapidly as they ran toward him.

They were in a huge clearing in the forest, and though Izvilvin wanted to make his way toward the trees, he wasn't anywhere near close enough to make a run for it. The guards came upon him, two of them slashing at the same time as the third stabbed forward. Izvilvin avoided them all by leaping to his left, holding his weapons out as the guards turned to strike again.

He heard Khal scream and turned to look at her. The guards were more focused on him, he being the immediate threat. Izvilvin wanted to respond to what sounded like her anger, but found it impossible to think up a common language word.

Another caravan was slowing, slowing, stopping. The guards descended and advanced toward the battle, the merchants coming out of the back to aim their crossbows at the strange fighting Drow. The other wagons arrived, stopped, and their passengers did the same.

Suddenly Izvilvin was surrounded by 9 guards, six crossbows aimed his way, and with only a pair of small steel sai to defend himself. His lavendar eyes explored the faces of the humans, seeing anger there. They hated him for killing their comrades, but they respected the ways of their land. Izvilvin would need to be captured and tried, and despite his not understanding their words, he knew enough of this strange land to see that.

Defeated, the Drow threw both of his sai down, the bloodied steel prongs slapping the dirty ground. The guards advanced, pulling him along toward one of the wagons, as another gathered the sai and put them into a sack. The humans were rough with him, saying words that sounded harsh, though Izvilvin heard the pain behind them. The Drow was knocked around roughly, thrown into the back of a wagon along with his weapons.

Some more yelling. Izvilvin managed to sit up and look beyond the driver and the horse, spotting the form of Khalxaen in the distance. She needed to get to safety, he knew. She had the chance, she needed to seize it. Izvilvin could manage on his own. For a hundred years, he'd done so.

So many thoughts. He was bound and closely watched, and knocked back down on his back by a guard after only a moment of seeing Khal in the woods. Silently, he wondered what the penalty for murder was in Scara Brae, and how he could hope to defend himself without being able to speak.

[Khalxaen]

The guards were so furious at Izvilvin that they didn’t even notice Khalxaen. Khalxaen was a person of impulse, but even she knew her limitations. She stood there in shock as she hid behind a tree, too afraid to try and help Izvilvin. The guards were being so harsh, but Khalxaen understood that if she were in their place, she would probably have reacted the same way.

Khalxaen shut her scarlet eyes at the brutality in of what was in front of her; and she couldn’t do anything. She caught a glimpse of Izvilvin before he was knocked out. The guards started yelling at each other and sped off, still all frustrated. This isn’t fair… Khalxaen cursed under her breath as she watched the wagons drive away.

……

Why the hell am I so affected with this? Khalxaen complained in her mind as she walked away from the post. She was throwing a small pouch of rewards in her hand, as much as the old man had given her. He seemed disappointed that she wasn’t able to take everything, and she was only able to take one wagon’s worth of supplies, and most were damaged already. All that for just this small amount wasn’t enough for her, and it just made her greedy persona want more.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the Drow who had been captured, and the fact that she couldn’t do anything. The old man from the Scourge seemed confused on why she was alone when she brought the little supplies, but understood more when she asked just where the guards might bring someone they captured.

The demon peered inside the bag of rewards. They weren’t much, but Izvilvin also worked for it, maybe even more than she did. It was still haunting her head how she just stood there since she knew she couldn’t do anything.

Fine, least I can do is try to get him back out. Khalxaen dictated in her head as she shut the pouch back with frustration. Hell, I can’t believe this.

[INDK]

In general, I feel this thing suffered from the lack of detail and a general lack of plot. You guys didn’t really fill in much color to this. Striking a balance between the right amount of detail is a difficult task, and I think both of you err to the side of parsimony a bit too much. Also Khalxaen, this was a very good first effort. You have a lot to be proud of.

Total Score= 56.5. Good work guys!

Introduction – 5 I liked the way that Khalxaen’s introduction oozed with the character’s confidence. Otherwise, I didn’t think this introduction was particularly stellar. I would have liked to know why your character was working for the Scara Scourge. Any kind of logical reason (she wanted money) would have sufficed. Izvilvin was a bit stronger here, but I feel you assumed that I knew too much about your character. I do skim profiles before I read characters, but I don’t feel like that is something you should take for granted with your readers. Make sure you reacquaint and emphasize important character traits. You did a good job telling me that Izvilvin spoke only drow, but as to the source of his motivations, I was left guessing. You both combined to introduce the plot (though Khalxaen could have been a bit better, especially with letting me know where her character came from), it was the introduction of character that mainly had me wanting more. Remember that your characters do not spontaneously appear in adventures. They do things before and after.

Setting – 4 I think effort was the key variable missing in here. I don’t want big things, just little things. Occasional comments about the ground, the trees. I don’t need essays describing grains of wood and patterns of bark, but I could stand for a bit more.

Strategy – 6 This was well thought out, but really little more than just basic fighting. However, this thread had no holes in it, which is a good thing.

Dialogue – 8 I was very impressed with the spoken dialogue here. It was very well thought out. Izvilvin did a great job RPing the language barrier, and Khalxaen’s reactions to it were excellent as well. The body language was decent as well, especially by Izvilvin. In fact this is the kind of thread I would link to when trying to explain how dialogue must be character specific and situational. Kudos.

Character – 5 This thread wasn’t particularly a vehicle for character, but I still felt it could have been stronger. I felt that while Khalxaen did a good job of narrating her character’s emotions, you were missing some kind of central personality. She seemed really confident in the intro, but almost as if she was different character afterwards. Izvilvin I just felt like I was found wanting a bit. I expect both of you will improve in this area as you get to know your characters better.

Rising Action – 6 I thought this thread progressed quite briskly, and you did pace yourselves pretty well. If anything, the action rose a bit too fast here. I would analogize the situation to someone sitting down to a meal, and being forced to gobble it all up so they couldn’t savor it. Take a bit more time to lay a good foundation before you run off to the races.

Climax – 0/0 In a multipart thread like this, the climax and conclusion are the same. It is time to skew the rubric!

Conclusion – 11/20 Izvilvin had a particularly biting line at the end, one that made me very interested as to what happens next. That’s always good for a thread like this. Khalxaen, I felt that you should have played a bit more with your struggle to save Izvilvin.

Writing Style – 5.5 Khalxaen, your writing needs a bit more meat to it. Brevity is not bad, but it is not the only thing that you should aspire for. As a general rule, remember that you’re not just supposed to tell what’s going on, you’re supposed to demonstrate it. That way other people will be able to emphasize more with your character and get more immersed in your writing. I don’t really have many comments for Izvilvin, primarily because the writing was clear and understandable, but I would like to see you challenge yourself more. You’re at the point where you won’t get better unless you take risks and experiment with literary devices. Sometimes they’ll fail, but sometimes you’ll find gold. Right now, it is primarily plot that keeps me interested in any Izvilvin adventure. That’s not a bad thing, your writing doesn’t detract, but it doesn’t help you either.

Wild Card – 6 I liked this thread. It was simple, I felt it could have dealt with a bit more organization, but I don’t think that was what you guys were going for.

Spoils=

Izvilvin gets 500 EXP and 100 GP
Khalxaen gets 450 EXP and 100 GP

(The GP rewards are relatively small not because I thought you did badly, but because the quest was a relatively short one. Also in IC terms, this mission was mostly a failure.

[Thoracis]

Added the stuff. Yay!