Tennis Brevity ((Open))

[Breaker]

This battle is open, under two specifications.
1. You must be someone (not your character but you, the RPer) Who I have never finished a thread with before.
2. Each post must be 200 words or less, not including OOC notes.


Imperial needed fresh blood: fresh fighters. Recruitment had dwindled, and I felt helpless in finding prospective members. In particular I needed people who could fight to join Imperial’s Army. That day I felt overwhelmed and realized a trip to the Citadel could kill two birds; clear my head, and give me a chance to find a new recruit.

I met some very promising members through duels at the Citadel and Dajas Pagoda, and enjoyed getting to test their talent myself. A monk greeted me, quiet type who found me a room easily. I entered with a word of thanks.

"This is definitely a tennis court."

Fake green turf with white lines drawn on. A heavy mesh net spanned the width. A normal tennis court, except for what stood at the sidelines. A metal chain link fence stretched twenty feet high with a similar ceiling attached.

"I guess it's a cage match."

Outside the fence I could see nothing but whiteness. I leaned against the chain link at one end and checked my gear. Bayonet on the back of my belt, loose black pants and shirt combination, heavy hiking boots. I reclined at the ready, awaiting my opponent.

[Karuka]

Karuka had been to the Citadel once before, and hadn't gotten a real fight out of it. Granted, she hadn't known what it was for, that time... but now she knew, and now she needed it.

She needed to learn how to fight with her new daggers now that she had no magic to speak of. She could only barely fight with her staff, and she wanted to be confident that she could still fight and survive in an unforgiving world now that her gods had forsaken her… now that her gods were dead.

Here, she could die a thousand times and walk out alive.

She was shown into a small arena with a hard, green surface and chains encircling it from top to bottom, and cast her bright blue eyes on the tall, muscular man that already occupied it. She didn’t say anything. What did one say when she was about to die?

So she just tucked a stray crimson curl behind her ear and leaned her Nihon staff against the fence. No use tempting herself with the familiar weapon when she needed to learn how to use the deadly ones.

[Breaker]

My opponent arrived. About average size and average height for a woman. Her wild red hair would mark her out in any crowd though. "Looks nice," I thought, examining the fiery locks, "might get in those blue eyes in the heat of combat though."

I walked towards the net and fake turf crunched beneath my boots. She abandoned her staff, perhaps looking to train in unarmed combat. I stood a foot shy of the net on my side of the court and looked at her. Normally in the Citadel I attacked my opponent outright. I decided to try a different approach, so that if she proved a worthy adversary I might be able to convince her to join Imperial.

"Nice staff," I said. I didn't need to shout; there was no sound to cover my voice in the cage. No wind came from the whiteness surrounding us forever.

"My name is Josh Cronen," I continued. If she introduced herself civilly before agreeing to start the battle, I would be impressed. "But I'll be even more impressed," I thought, "if she tries to take me by surprise."

Above all else, I wanted to recruit warriors who fought to win.

[Karuka]

Karuka watched as her opponent stepped toward her, noting the easy, confident way he moved. If nothing else, this man was an experienced fighter. She was going to be looking at a very definite defeat, but she'd expected that, even entering the arena. She was mildly surprised that he decided to introduce himself before attacking; most times she'd fought on Althanas, such pleasantries were ignored in favor of an honest and brutal attack.

A slight frown wrinkled the area between her eyebrows, and a double image of Cronen seemed to super-impose itself on top of the first one. He wasn't intending on attacking her just yet...he wanted something. Maybe her name, maybe for her to attack first. Maybe both.

"Karuka," she answered, shifting her feet over the rough green turf, keeping her eyes trained on her opponent. "Karuka Tida." She'd almost choked on the last name; it felt strange to link herself to her long-absent father when she no longer identified with gods she had known to be real only a few days before.

Pleasantries done and her opponent still, Karuka did the only thing she could think of: throw one of her new knives at him, albeit clumsily.

[Breaker]

"Introduces herself and tries a surprise attack. So far: so good."

Karuka's form needed work, but the slim blade zipped towards me like a hornet. I crouched low, lifted the bottom of the net and ducked under. I came up in a loose crouch, light on the balls of my feet, hearing the projectile strike the fence behind me. My bayonet held in a hammer grip, I circled counter-clockwise, shuffling easily on the dry turf. I felt confident knowing nothing would tangle in my feet. The tennis court made a decent battle ground.

I kept my body square to Karuka, right hand extended, the blade held parallel to the turf. My left hand I kept close to my chest, ready to defend. I decided to let her make the second move in addition to the first and hoped it wouldn't be another throwing knife. I wouldn't be able to assess the girl's talent if she bled me out from the base line. Despite that possibility, I kept my distance for the moment. Her throwing technique showed little finesse or flair, and I had great faith in my reflexes.

"Come on Karuka... show me I’m not wasting my time."

[Karuka]

He held his weapon easily, and advanced toward her. She stepped forward as well, giving herself just a little more space away from the fence. She didn't want to be cornered just yet. Not just yet.

She gave up on using her throwing knives for now; those she could work on in camp before bed each night. She'd really come here to learn how to use her daggers.

While Josh kept himself square to her, she kept herself mostly profile to him, creating a smaller target. Her eyes never left him, although now she focused on his shoulders, relying on them to tell her what he was doing next, but she found him too still, too quiet, as though he wasn't just here to fight.

Had she unwittingly walked into a test of some sort?

Her hands went for the twin mythril daggers that rested at her hips, honey brown skin contrasting silvery white blades. She pulled them out, letting them point towards the ground. The grip that had felt so very natural in the shop now felt awkward, and she gripped them tightly, watching Josh warily.

What was he going to do now that she was armed?

[Breaker]

I circled and studied Karuka's stance. She made a common beginner's mistake by turning her body sideways. The profile position made the knife in her back hand a less immediate threat. It also left me a wide variety of targets-- kidney, spine, thigh, calf-- largely unprotected. My eyes monitoring her weapons for sudden movements, I advanced.

The simplest way to cut someone in a knife fight is a one-two attack. "Distract, destroy," I told myself. Except I didn't actually want to destroy Karuka. She looked awkward with the knives hanging from her hands, but faced me fearlessly nevertheless. A big guy with a bayonet is enough to scare most people; the mere fact that she had attacked me demonstrated some battle experience. I thought again about her staff. "An experienced fighter, learning something new. Well, maybe I can teach her."

"Distract, destroy."

I stepped in and aimed a low roundhouse kick at the back of Karuka's front knee. As quickly as I could get my balance back I followed up with a backhand slash, aiming the edge of my dagger at the girl's exposed spine.

[Karuka]

A half second before Josh's knife came at her spine, a faint, ghostly image of him did the same, while not obscuring the image of the real warrior. Confused, Karuka narrowed her eyes, until the real Josh started moving in.

She tried to skitter out of the way, but found herself a half second too late to get out unscathed. His foot still caught the back of her knee, sending her down, and his blazing blue blade sliced through her vlince sleeve as though it was gauze, and through the skin on her arm as though it was butter.

She hit the ground with her shoulder, letting the momentum of the fall carry her into a roll. She came up crouching, eyes locked again on Cronen. Her arm stung where he'd cut her, but she'd pay attention to that later. Right now, if she didn't fight, she'd both die and learn nothing.

She still had her left hand behind her, and grabbed a second throwing knife, whirling around and whipping it towards him, following it up by lunging at him, flipping her grip on her daggers so that she'd be able to slice at him if she got close enough.

Throw's still clumsy, I just ran out of words.

[Breaker]

The girl’s flesh yielded to my blade. "Maybe that'll teach her not to leave her back exposed." I paused momentarily to observe Karuka's defensive tactics. Big mistake. She rolled away and came up fluidly, another knife flashing towards me. No time to duck or dodge-- I stacked my forearms, creating a fleshy shield.

Thwap.

The slim blade embedded itself in my left forearm. It couldn't do much serious damage there, but it hurt. "You don't go into a knife fight hoping to walk away unscathed," I told myself, "You go in hoping you can walk away." I gritted my teeth, yanked the knife out and jumped backwards. Karuka had followed in the wake of her kunai, daggers slashing like shark's teeth. My leap carried me out of range, drops of blood spattering the turf.

I emulated Karuka's attack. Threw the dripping kunai at her left thigh, but ignored its flight as much as the pain in my arm. The projectile served as a distraction to lower Karuka's guard. I bounded in and used my height as an advantage, snapping a swift hammer punch. But rather than my fist, I aimed the pommel of my bayonet at her jaw.

[Karuka]

Karuka didn't even pay attention as the little knife came at her leg. The steel only got through the vlince cloth enough to prick her before it was deflected; the worst of that would be a bruise on her thigh. His other blow came like the strike of a snake, and the only thing the red-head could do was step back, meanwhile bringing up a hand to try and block against the blow.

All that succeeded in doing was get the blade she held wrenched from her hand as the pommel of his dagger met the blade of hers, and the white blade tumbled end over end before clanking to a stop against the fence's links.

She took the blade in her left hand into her right, her dominant hand, and balled up the now weaponless hand into a fist. She'd been in fist fights before, and at least knew how to throw a punch. She decided to try that method, stepping back in to slash at Josh's abdomen with her right hand while propelling her left fist toward his throat.

[Breaker]

"One blade each now... we've got ourselves a proper duel."

Karuka moved swiftly. Rather than try to match her speed I made a quick study of the girl's form. She stepped close and attacked my midsection, unsurprising except for the fact that she slashed rather than stabbed.

"No matter, she just needs someone to teach her the finer points of killing. She's a good fighter."

My left hand had spent most of the fight hovering close to my chest, and for a good reason. I swept it low, knocking Karuka's dagger away. A small tearing sound reached my ears and my shirt fluttered open, a long gash separating the fabric. Drops of blood oozed from a surface laceration.

I anticipated the follow-up perfectly. Noting Karuka’s target, I wisely bent my knees and tucked my chin. Moments before impact I stabbed at the girl's exposed armpit, and then I saw stars.

"That shouldn't have hurt so much; this girl can punch."

I took the haymaker on the chin, but it rocked me and I reeled into the net. My left foot tangled in the fibres. Frantically, I cleared my head and looked back at my opponent.

[Karuka]

Karuka hissed as the blade jabbed into her armpit. The cut wasn't wide or incredibly deep, but the skin there was soft and incredibly unaccustomed to injury. As Josh fell back into the net, she clamped her left arm to her side, blood trickling down in warm little rivulets. The burning sting almost drowned out the painful throbbing in her right arm. The only thing going in her favor was that she still held the one dagger.

Cronen was caught like a boar in the net, and Karuka wanted nothing more than to end it then. For now, she had the advantage of mobility. Taking advantage of that could be the difference between victory and defeat, since he was relatively uninjured.

She had to remind herself that her goal right now wasn't victory. Even as the beginnings of rage started to make her Celtic blood hot and her eyes flash, she set her feet on the turf, right foot before left, dagger pointing at her opponent and fist curled up by her left side. She wouldn't learn anything if she didn't let him get free.

"Come on," she hissed through clenched teeth. "I'll not strike you like that."

[Breaker]

I retracted my earlier thought about the tennis court making a decent battle ground. The front half of my boot lodged itself in the net, the stretched material trapping my foot. The daze brought on by Karuka's punch vanished, alarm bells ringing through my body like a fire drill.

"Guard your back! Face the enemy!"

I spun awkwardly, weight on my right foot, bayonet in front of me.

Karuka surprised me. I teetered, off balance and vulnerable like a wolf in a trap, and she gave me space. "Damn it, I can't judge her skill if she doesn't try." I needed to get the redhead angry, to make her attack me without reservation. "She obviously has illusions of fair play. It should piss her off if I shatter those," I realized.

I watched her from the corner of my eye and cut the net from top to bottom smoothly. The mesh wilted downwards like a severed snake. The instant my foot came free I spun sideways, left leg launching a snap kick. I aimed the heel of my boot cruelly at Karuka's left shoulder.

”Aggravate the wound; make her mad.”

"That's a mistake," I responded to her chivalrous statement.

[Karuka]

Again, the ghostly image of Cronen's leg flashed at her shoulder a split second before he actually started moving. Having learned what it meant the first time, she spun to her right as his leg brushed past her. Without even thinking about it, she stepped in closer, rather than retreating, stabbing her dagger toward his exposed abdomen and following it up with another left-handed punch.

That motion sent agony running throughout her entire left side as the wound in her armpit complained, but the muscles in her arm followed through with the strike. She was too close to him to hope getting out without getting hurt again herself, but she would at least go down fighting.

"I'm here to make mistakes," she hissed at him. "Where better, here or Hel?"

The scent of blood drenched the area, her blood, and she was aware of it. It flowed hot down her side, down her arms, into her clothes, onto the ground, through her veins. In a few more minutes, it would begin to incapacitate her, but this fight wasn't going to last another few minutes. She was too close. Too close to a trained killer.

[Breaker]

Bunny approved by Karuka.


My foot snapped out and back like a wet towel, striking nothing. Karuka slid inwards and stabbed for my stomach as I regained full balance. I didn't want to risk being gutted, so I scissored both hands down in a low X block. My crossed wrists stopped the thrust, and suddenly I realized how much blood she had lost. A gruesome stain soaked through her shirt beneath the armpit. I could smell the blood; taste its metallic tang on the air. My left hand closed an overhand grip on her right wrist, my thumb down.

"Got you now," I thought.

She punched me. Same hand, same hard hook. I ate it with a grunt, tasting blood for real this time.

"That's starting to hurt." I tongued a few loosened teeth. "I think I've established that she can fight. Now to impress her enough that she’ll join Imperial."

I took a small, abrupt step backwards, pivoting to my left. As my shoulders turned my left hand turned a counter clockwise half-crescent in the air, attempting a neat wrist throw. Unless Karuka slipped from my grip, she would have to choose between being forced to the ground and a broken wrist.

[Karuka]

All of a sudden, he had her by the wrist and yanked her off balance, sending her tumbling to the ground like a shepherd might do to a stubborn ram. That was a mistake.

As she started to go down, she dropped the dagger in her right hand, with no choice but to do otherwise. She hit the ground hard, the sudden thud knocking the air out of her, but not the fight. The gash on her right arm ripped a little wider, and pain flooded her eyes, but not fear.

Her blade hit the ground a moment after she did, and she rolled a little bit, grabbing it in her left hand and lashing out with it, stabbing down on Josh's foot with all the force she could muster. It was a desperate act in a desperate position, but she was fighting...she'd determined that she was going to lose when she set foot into the arena.

But something still Celtic inside her wouldn't let her lose without a struggle. She was down...but she was still fighting.

She'd fight until the last of the blood dripped from her corpse and the last faint breath fluttered from her chest. She'd fight.

[Breaker]

I executed the wrist throw, heard the pain in Karuka's breathing. Her dagger slipped from stunned fingers, making a dry whisper as it hit the turf.

Then I got cocky. I saw the abandoned weapon as a sign of surrender and loosened my grip, just enough to alleviate the pressure on the wrist lock.

My mistake.

A woman possessed, she twisted like a serpent, grabbed the fallen dagger and stabbed at my foot. Her determination and ferocity seemed boundless, her technique laughable. I lifted my boot out of the way then stomped back down at her hand, hard enough to shatter bone.

As my foot struck the ground I yanked my left hand up, trying to forcefully straighten Karuka's arm. I slashed once, the keen edge of my bayonet thirsting for the brachial artery inside of her elbow. A killing stroke.

I didn't want to be within reach of the wildcat as she died. Releasing her arm I leaped backwards, putting two yards between us. I rolled my knife to a throwing position, blade clamped between my thumb and forefinger. If she moved, I'd pin her like a red butterfly on a green board.

[Karuka]

Bunny approved by NumbersHer stab was straight down, as was his stomp. The blade drove deep into the turf, but the force of his foot on her hand was diverted.

The force of his bayonet impaling her arm wasn't, though, and for the first time since the battle began, she screamed.

The sound was pure agony. Fire burned down her arm, through her fingers, through her entire being. She lay there, panting, eyes closed with the bitter realization of defeat. It was time to quit. Time to die.

Get up.

She didn't want to. She was tired.

FIGHT!

With what little will remained in her body, Karuka gripped the last knife on her left side, gathering her legs beneath her, gathering her arms for a throw; a final, vain attempt to even the field.

She didn't even get her arm raised all the way when his dagger hit her in the throat. She saw it coming, but didn't feel it. There was just a swift, sudden darkness and a feeling of collapse and release.

Her body lay still, a red and gold flower on a perfectly green field, and without either a growl or a whimper, her bright blue eyes went dark.

[Breaker]

"Stay down, damn it. Stay down and bleed out."

I stood poised, ready to throw as Karuka struggled to her feet. Icy defiance shone from her eyes; her lips quivered but she refused to yield another scream. She pushed herself until she stood upright, facing me as if to die on her feet.

Her left hand moved. From some hiding place it pulled yet another glimmering blade.

"Put it down," my mind commanded, as though my thoughts could sway her.

She lifted the knife halfway to a throwing position.

"Put it down, don't push it..."

Three quarters of the way.

"... too far."

I was too close to miss. The bayonet blossomed from her throat, a blue metal weed that choked the life of the flower beneath.

She dropped without a sound. I crouched by her side as her eyes frosted over and retrieved my knife. I made to wipe it on her shirt, then thought better of it and used my own instead.

"Damned thing is ruined anyways," I thought.

The illusion faded and I left the room. A monk offered me healing but I politely declined, asking instead to be taken to see the red haired warrior.

[Karuka]

They say death is like sleep. It's not. It's colder and quieter. That's how Karuka knew that she hadn't been knocked out when she opened her eyes. Being revived was unpleasant; the lights were too bright, the sounds too loud and chaotic, despite the hush the medical staff worked under.

She sat up, noting that she was dressed in a shroud-like white cotton gown. She stretched her left arm experimentally, and her wound did not complain. Agony no longer caused an implosive burning throughout her body when she moved the fingers on her right hand. She had been healed.

Beside her bed there was a little table. Her clothes were repaired and folded neatly on it, beside it were her daggers and knives, and her staff leaned on the wall.

Now that the silence of death had receded from her ears, Karuka found the room too quiet, and swiftly stood, doffing her shroud and pulling on the vlince pants and shirt. Now she felt alive again, if not entirely consoled. She'd just started to pull on her boots when the door slid open and a monk ushered in the man that she'd been killed by not even an hour before.

[Breaker]

I didn't like the room. Too much death had been there, and too much magic. I had fought many Citadel duels, but never lost. Dying did not appeal to me, but Karuka seemed unaffected by it.

"Then again, she's one tough girl."

I wasted no time with pleasantries; we knew each other, and I had come for a reason.

"Hello Karuka," I thought for a second about painting a glorious verbal picture detailing the greatness of Imperial, but decided against it. She seemed like a practical person, so I kept my sales pitch brief.

"I already told you that my name is Josh Cronen. I didn't tell you that I represent a Group called Imperial. We're recruiting, and I'm offering you a position in the Army. It means free food and lodging, and most importantly, training. I can teach you to use those knives properly, among other things. We're going to make a name for ourselves, and I'd like you to be a part of it."

I examined her tanned face as I spoke, watching for acceptance in the cool blue eyes. I felt loose and relaxed after our battle, and wanted to make the day a completely successful one.

[Karuka]

Almost out of reflex, Karuka reached for the rune pouch that should have been at her hip. It had always helped her make such decisions, and it had always been at hand. Not anymore. The runes were now silent, and she'd tucked them away into her bag. Instead, she grabbed her bandolier, fastening her knives back around her waist.

"Where I come from, there is no more sacred a trust than friends and family. An Irishman's strength is his Clann. And here, you ask me to join a Clann of strength."

It was all she could do not to laugh.

"All orphans dream of being taken in somewhere that they can make a difference; be a hero. But as time goes on, we all must realize how foolish those dreams are. We dream of belonging somewhere, until we realize that the minute we think we might...just might belong, the charitable feelings of our benefactors are liable to dissipate."

She raked her hair back with her fingers, securing it.

"No, Joshua Cronen. I will not join your Imperial. I'll survive...or not...on my own merits. I know how to be independent. I don't know how to line up and take orders."

[Breaker]

I was slightly taken aback by Karuka's outright refusal. I saw no uncertainty in her, however. From her body language, I guessed that attempting to convince her would just lead to an argument. And I didn't have the energy to get into a senseless argument with someone as die-hard as her. I looked firmly into her icy eyes, my own hazel ones just as calm, matching her stare for stare.

"You seem to know a lot about life, for someone so young." I paused for a moment, allowing the insinuation to hang in the air. I figured my only remaining chance of getting the redhead to join lay in manipulation.

"You're tough," I continued, "but being tough isn't enough. Unless you learn to do more damage than this," I parted my ripped and bloodied shirt to show the shallow laceration she had given me, "you're gonna' wind up dead in a ditch before long. But you're smart enough to know that already. If you change your mind, come to the Dirks Estate, it's not far from there. We always welcome new recruits."

I turned my back and left the room.

"Ah well," I thought, "can't win 'em all."

[Karuka]

With Josh gone, Karuka flopped back down on the bed, noting for the first time that it felt like a rock covered with a thin reed mat. It was better than some places she'd slept, but not designed to invite rest. It was just more proof that you were alive again before you got sent out on your way.

But she didn't go. She laid there, staring up at the bland ceiling, wondering why she'd denied it. Was she so afraid of being turned away again, after giving her best? She knew that she could always walk away if that happened, always keep surviving on her own. Why hadn't she jumped at the offer of a chance to belong?

Because I'll be no one's puppet. I'll live or die according to my plan, not some power monger's. I may need to be more than tough, maybe he was right about that...but I'll become what I will my way. Not his.

Resolve coursed through her veins, filling her with a fire she'd almost forgotten. She could do it alone, and once more, she was sure of it.

[Call me J]

Because of the nature of this thread, I’ve decided that I’m going to do the judging commentary a bit differently. I’m going to include all my comments here, and then just give you straight scores. I feel this makes more sense as the style of the thread you did really lead to high scores in some categories (pacing, clarity and mechanics) while made areas like persona, dialogue and continuity more difficult. Hence, my comments are going to focus more on how you adjusted to this brevity battle than your writing more generally. If you feel slighted as a result and would like to ask me about the thread, please do.

Karuka Tida- This was really a good narrative. I really found myself rooting for Karuka to learn here. You did a good way of making her a very sympathetic figure with the time you had to work with. You used your words very well to build persona, and as a result you had a great story, even though the setting was a bit weak. However, given your emphasis on character, that was understandable.

016573- I was glad to see that you didn’t ignore the setting to focus on other aspects of the thread. Karuka did this to a large extent, and I felt that your work on setting was a lot better. However, I did feel that she had a much more compelling storyline, and unlike Karuka, I didn’t feel like I really connected with Josh.

Karuka
Continuity: 6.5
Setting: 4
Pacing: 8
Dialogue: 7
Action: 6
Persona: 8
Mechanics: 10
Technique: 5
Clarity: 10
Wild Card: 10
Total: 74.5

016573
Continuity: 6
Setting: 6.5
Pacing: 7
Dialogue: 6
Action: 7
Persona: 6
Mechanics: 10
Technique: 6
Clarity: 10
Wild Card: 10
Total: 74.5

It’s a tie! I am rewarding you both with winners EXP, because when you tie, you’re both winners. Granted, you’re also both losers, but with a thread this good, I choose to focus on the positive. I really loved this battle. It was fast paced and in many ways, I feel like it made for a better battle because the way you guys did this, it made for just as much story, just more fast paced and with more interaction.

Spoils
Karuka Tida receives 1500 EXP and 180 GP
Numbers receives 1500 EXP and 180 GP

[Karuka]

EXP/GP added! Merry Christmas, we both level up!