-
Soveliss growled deeply, saring non-stop at Kaiser's face. She was being truthful. He kenw now, he had seen her face before, or rather someone who looked identical. It started to flood back, even while she was still talking...
The day was black and Soveiss was leading a Vampire raiding party, the target destination was a smal village in the Northerrn forest... of somewhere his memory could not recollect where - this was over 900 years ago - He could up against an honourable force but had won over hseer numbers... there were only about 200 people in this village / town, yet there were 300 raiders. And he himself had picked up a trinket like hers before being hit by a huge force. A Silvet. honourable warriors defending these people, the Silvet that hit him then proceeded to call out and many others appeared, they had begun beating the Vampires. Soveliss was ready to call for a retreat, but somehow the Vamps managed to ebat off the defenders and kill them bar about 6 who fled. He had found the Silvet that had struk him and fed on him... the Silvet was male, and resembled this girls face greatly.
Now, for some reason Soveliss was fueled with anger. "You mock me?!" Soveliss roared. his teeth bared and his eyes black, his left fist had clenched so much that his nails were beginning to cut hs own flesh, he felt blood drip down knuckles.
He stared hard at Kaiser. And slammed his fist down onto the bar, smashing through the weak wood, he walked up to the blade that Kaiser was wielding and grabbed onto it, pulling it down to level with his waist, the strength of Kaiser was incredible, but his Primal instincts had now completely taken over, and for a short while at least he was not a reasonable person. Nor anyone to be taken lightly.
While pulling on Kaisers sword his black eyes stared into kaisers - "Back down or you will suffer the fate of the last Silvet who crossed my path" Soveliss' threat was a growl, a voice that was not his own but the purely Vampiric part of him. The blade was cutting into Soveliss' hand, but he could feel little pain.
Soveliss lowered his own sword and continued to hold onto Kaisers blade, and loomed over her, staring into her eyes.
-
‘ok … this guy is a total moron ’ so much for a diplomatic solution to this, he was going to have to either be knocked out, or put down if it would resume like this, but this man said something, something that she did not expect him to say, that she would not want to be like the last silvet to cross his path. Very interesting, for the only other true silvet in current existence was her father, but he had not been defeated by a vampire, no, there were still letters being wrote to each other. And the majority of the Silvet race was wiped out in one stroke after accidentally trying to summon there own god, lets just say there god was pissed off, and her father was one of the only survivors, but that was more than 300 or so years ago. Did this guy meet ancient silvets? If that’s the case then he was older than he looked but, ‘ if he can’t control his own instincts then he is a lot less mature than me ’
Also him walked up to her and gripping her blade to point the tip to his own chest, at first Kaiserin was confused, all she had to do was step forwards and her sword would be cutting through his heart in a second, and with the length of her sword, she could do that without even worrying about his sword, not only that but his hand was bleeding by gripping it so tightly. ‘ little does he know … I will kill him ’ he once again roared for her to stand down, and her calm face once again grew a smirk to it, she should not have smirked it seemed to simply annoy him more, but this time she had a reason to grin “back down? How can I back down when your almost begging for me to kill you” she replied, it was true, look at the situation, here they both stood, ready to fight each other, the vampire held the silvets blade, cutting his own hand while he almost shoved the tip of her blade to rest against his chest, all she had to do was poke his chest.
But was he waiting for that? As soon as she did that he would become that strange mist again, that would be a problem. Oh no wait, no it would not. her ability to see things like that would allow her to keep the sword within him. so when he reformed he would do so while impaled on her sword. She stepped forwards poking her sword forwards a little so that the tip did indeed poke his chest a little, now for anyone to look at her eyes they would be seeing her dragons eye ability, they seemed to almost glow, but that was because of the fire, they seemed vicious more wild, but behind her eyes was the mind of a calm warrior, she could kill this vampire without thinking twice, although the method would be a little troublesome, actually killing him and then have the cold heart to order a drink afterwards, that she could do.
“… Strike three … “she simply said, she knew it had all spiralled out of control, her tail stopped swinging and just stood on end, she was still, and very still, her presence then created a mystery, would she, or would not. She then moved without lightning stepping forwards giving her arms enough space to thrust forwards, and still she was out of range for there other mans sword to reach, his 3 foot long sword was nothing in comparison. As soon as she had enough thrusting room for her arms, she followed it through, thrusting her sword forwards, this certainly was not the way she had hoped to resolve this, but then again, it pretty much seemed the only way, she somewhat hoped it would be a quick end, but then again she was also ready for any kind of trick that might be played.
-
Soveliss saw the sword coming at him with lightning speed, he had not time to step backwards, or to the side... He saw the glint in Kaiserins eyes... wait, before she could see me... he thought. Soveliss knew now that however far back he stepped the sword would to still strike him, dead center in the chest, luckily he would still live - but it would hurt like hell. The only way for him to die would either be starvation or decapitation. He didn't fancy any of them, nor did he fancy being impaled by this gargantuan sword.
Soveliss saw that the Silevet was angry, but was extremely good at keeping her cool, the sign of a god fighter - feeling the pain from the sword which he had just grabbed definately made him more angry. Everything the Silvet then said made him even angrier. Soveliss couldn't stand being mocked - he hadn't wished to fight, but if it came to this, he really didn't care now.
Feeling that nothingness again Soveliss turned into a grey mist, and rather than doing what he figured Kaiserin thought ht would do (go back), he went froward, and forward more and eventually straight through her. While in his misting form he turned 180 degrees and was now facing Kaiserins back, he lifted his sword with his right hand and rested the tip on the back of her neck... His black eyes starign down. He wondered what might happen now, he reasoned that eiher the Silvet would turn on face him, or stop and try to strike at him blindly.
If she turned, he would have to get her sword out of action. That thing was too big to be messing aorund with, and he kenw it - a strike from that could easily take off his head, or an arm or any other body part. Soveliss was no idiot.
With his right hand holding out his sword and resting the tip on the Silvets neck, his left hand began reaching to one of his three daggers on his belt; small strong throwing daggers - these would be just the think to put that sword out of action - Soveliss was almost positive that these would be much much faster than her giant sword... Sacrificing strength for speed, interesting.
"Strike three..." Soveliss mocked, with a glint in his black eyes and a grin curling round his face. His adrenaline pumped as he wondered what would come next, ready for whatever was thrown at him.
-
‘Aww crap’ he had mystified himself, she was half expecting that, and for him to pull back, not to go right through her and emerge with the tip of his sword threatening her neck, she had not banked on that situation at all. She had paused still for a moment, thinking things through; she didn’t even spin around to attack again. Instead she relaxed her stance, letting her sword drop so that the tip rested on the ground while she held the hilt with her right hand letting her left go slack. She turned her head around, enough so that she could see him on the corner of her eye, despite her long straight silver hair falling in the way. They still contained that strange determined look, but her body had never looked so relaxed.
Her mockingly mimicked her warning about the strike three, and she grinned, “… really cute” she said while turning her attention to the sword at her neck, without any sudden moves she moved her left hand to touch the sword, poking the tip with her thumb seemingly to test the sharpness of the blade, she however did not injure herself while prodding it. “If all you wanted to do was dance … you should have asked me to come with you to the citadel” she said in a soft voice, early calm for someone in her situation. She looked back again and saw the glint of a small dagger, but her eyes then shifted to his now black eyes with still she held a grin. “I am always up for a challenge … but you probably can’t wait can you”
Her tail then started to sway, but the distance between them wasn’t enough as the tip seemed to brush against his legs as it constantly swayed back of fourth alternating its angle. “But I bet that wasn’t you first thought when you saw me now was it” how was she able to say this stuff in that voice without laughing out, the art was flawless. “That’s why you’re doing all this isn’t it, trying to get my attention … you like my attention don’t you”
‘ this had better be worth it ’ she inwardly thought, but her expression did not betray her, she still just looked back with that grin sweet talking the vampire with a soft voice, and still her tail swayed “Heh, it’s not often I do this, show my sweet side like this” then her tail stopped as she looked forwards once again toying with the tip of the sword “I wonder what your thinking, should I make her my meal, should I just kill her, or is it something else, is that what your thinking?”
She closed her eyes now without paying the vampire much thought, seemingly to go into her own little world, “But … I will be straight with you, Did you know that a human’s strangest muscle is there tongue, well that’s not true for a silvet, do you want to know what our strongest muscle is?” she asked still grinning, either the vampire saw it or not, or he was prepared for it or not, she doubted nothing could brace himself for this.
Her tail suddenly lashed out as strong as a whip, upwards in between his legs at full force, and just as quick it came back and lashed out again. Whatever his condition was she didn’t care, all she did care about was shoving the tip of his sword away from her neck giving her time to gain some distance to turn around pulling her sword back up to a defensive stance, safely away from the vampire again.
“The strongest part of our body is our tail, think about it, were a little like monkeys, and we love to hang around, especially with our tails, just think how much strength is there to keep us like that” she said again still in a soft voice, she didn’t know if the vampire had even listened to her words. “So there is a free lesson on what to never do against a silvet, never get behind them” she grinned before listening to the world outside, it seemed like the storm that was overhead had stopped, wow how long had all this action took. “Well, thank you for entertaining me, she said to the vampire, then dropped her stance altogether. “But if I ever see you again” … “I will kill you” she said with a cheery smile before looking for the barkeeper, he was nowhere to be found, then she turned to the people who were still on edge “Thank you, you have been a great audience” she mocked to everyone while secretly thinking ‘ Like hell I am ever coming here again, peaceful promenade eh, yeah right ’
-
Soveliss had begun to relax with Kaisers soft words, they had been working and he was beginning to think the battle won and was simply going to walk away without harming her. Then; when she mentioned about the tongue he knew he had made a mistake, he quickly glanced down and saw the tail had stopped swaying. Oh no... Before Soveliss even had time to react that very same tail slammed up in between Soveliss legs, he could not react he wasn't that fast. He simply stood there as the Silvet slammed her tail into his tender loins twice.
His shock was mimicked by the expression on his face. He dropped this sword and looked down as he the Silvet let her stance go. the pain was immense, his rage was burning inside ofim, he would not be beaten and battle or outsmarted, especially not by a damn monkey, and certainly not by a female of the species. His whole word had come to a stop, out of all the moves this was not one that he was expecting, he was certainly not expecting to be hit in the testacles by a female Silvets tail. her ploy had worked, he had lowered hisguard enough with her sweet talking, that in turn was actully beginning to slightly arouse him. That made the shock of the attack even worse.
Soveliss took a step backwards, reginaing his posture his determination was immense. He lifted his dagger and whilespinning it around his fingers, he then threw it straigt at the door.
"That was a cheap shot... kaiserin, but I guarantee it will not help you. And I can also guarantee that you will not be leaving thisplace until we are finished here"
The dagger was pointing out of the handle of the dor, its Dragon head hilt still vibrating slowy. Soveliss tookanother step back, regaining his posture. Again, he raised hs sword, but this time ith both hands - this was not a foe to be underestimated and at the moment, he was losing. He growled slowly, and his eyes black slidback to their original red - his primal side had let him down, his hunger was no longer elading this fight, and would only come into play now when he was in dire trouble and needed to rely on instinct alone instead of wit and skill - that is what would at least give him a chance in this fight, there was no way he couldpossibly in without going all out.
His red eyes stared at the back of Kaiser, now roughly 6 feet away from her, out of range of that monkey like tail and definately away from her enormous sword - this would give Soveliss some sort of advantage. He began hissing softly.
"You know, your words had me there... and i was considering sheathing my sword and simply asking you to the citadel, but I'm guessing now that we cannot be friends... what a shame. By the way, that really hurt..."
Soveliss spat a bit of blood on the floor, that he had pushed into his mouth from his stomach.
Then he licked his teeth, tasting his own blood. "Tasty..." He grinned and this time truly felt prepard, he now knew the Silvets srength and she did not know his, he held the advantage, even if she did not know it.
Soveliss readied himself, still feeling the pain in his loins.
-
Kaiserin looked over to the dagger now acting as a lock for the door, she openly sighed, this was not how she wanted to be spending her evening, making threats, and whacking a vampire in the groin was not on her to do list, but she had already done these things, as she sighed she let her sword drop, more annoyed now, the weather seemed to have died down and she was about to leave, the vampire with his shattered pride a little intact. He said that he would not allow her to leave until they were finished, but to her she was finished, she had little reason to stay, except to make a fool out of this vampire a little more, but then again that was getting old now.
‘ … I think I need to go to the bathroom ’ what should have been her pre-battle warnings was nothing more than self observations about her current condition, she sighed at the thought, why wouldn’t this guy just let her go, she had already bested him in the threats, and out witted him with her slyness, even almost floored him with a firm blow to the crotch, and he still wanted more. ‘… how is he still standing?’ she sighed again, this truly was becoming the same old boring routine, they were just passing threats, well ok, it was Kaiserin who technically got physical first.
Then the vampire said something else that caught her attention, calling it a cheap shot, and how much it hurt, he even coughed up blood, wow, she was going to have to remember that move ‘should I call that one the Nut Cracker?’ she pondered for a moment, that seemed the only name to suite it, but then again, her actions had been more like a whip … ok he must really be strong to be standing.
“Hurt? Of cause it hurt you just got a wakeup call!” she said out loud while noticing his eyes turning back to red, good at least he was going back to a more rational mind now, and still she had her stance down, but not completely off guard. “Well, good to see your thinking straight again I guess, now if you don’t mind I think I am done here.” She said standing up straight and walking over to the door, and started to fiddle around with the dagger, it was stuck, tight, it had been a skilful throw, but her strength pulled the dagger out and she simply tossed it to the side, but there was another problem, the door handle was busted. “Of all the rotten luck…” she said then looked back over her shoulder “you do realise, of cause, that the only date you would ever get with me is one in the citadel, so what makes you think I will stay here to entertain you” but she sighed, knowing that the way out was broken, and she didn’t really want to go and find a back door.
“Our business here … is done … now … err could you please open the door” she said sort of embarrassed for asking that.
-
Soveliss looked on as Kaiserin walked off towards the handle, he had known that his dagger would easily crumble the small lock on the door. He could see kaiser was bored, and he wasn't at his full strength, his attention started to wonder... "Where is the barman..." He said to himself.
Soveliss sheathed his sword. Calmly walked over to the door and passed the woman, not even looking at her. He thought about misting through it and not opening it for her, it would've been qute easy for him to do so, and quite humorous aswell he though - but he had spent money on a room here. soveliss knew how to get this girl back into fighting, for you see there was no way Soveliss was going to allow her to go around with the thought she dfeated him. It wasn't his style.
Soveliss looked at the lock, crushed under the force of the dagger - he bent down, and picked up the dagger. As he did, he saw Kaiserin looking at him from above. He stood up.
In order to open the door he had decided the best way would simply be to... throw something through it. Or someone. He thought about simply grabbing the Silvet, he knew that his strength would overpower hers, he had felt her blows with the strongest art of her body, she hadn't felt anything of his. He looked at her again and decided against it.
He took two steps back. So Kaiserin was between himself and the door again out of range of her sword, he thought this good. "I saw your shock when i mentioned the Silvets I had previously encountered - I'm 1250, probly equivalent to about 30 human years. I have seen the Silvets of old, and fought them, and killed them.... many of them, infact, I've fed off them just as much as I have humans "
Soveliss was lying of course but he doubted she knew that, and if she was as proud as she looked she would have to strike at him. Soveliss had pruposefully put his sword away, he intended to use his hands for anything next to come. he had trained in many forms of martial arts, most of them ancient - but the one he was most proficient in was called Shukraid, a close quarter art based ont he concept of weapons defense, he could kill someone with three blows to the chest.
He stared at the Silvet and grinned. "Infact, I remembr one who looked just like you... he tasted good."
-
Kaiserin rolled her eyes, was he still trying to get her to fight him, especially by saying he killed many silvets in his past, that and commenting on how one who he claimed resembled her was quite tasty. Kaiserin was Silvet, and was somewhat proud of that heritage but she also knew something else, Ancient silvets had what was coming to them, to summon there own god for there own purposes, her father had told her this story many times.
There wicked empress, who had revived an ancient technique that was banned many years ago, they were at war with the humans, who knows who the fought before that. To stop the human threat to there home they all served her blindly, all except a handful, her grandmother and her father to be exact, cutting a long story short, her father ended up with the spirit markings, he could always recall how painful that was, and that he was able to foresee the coming of Eos. So his mother sent him away to the mainland while she went to fight against the empress, of cause before anything could happen Eos Came and burned everything away in a white flame. ‘ they had what was coming to them, Evil like that should not be mourned for ’
Kaiserin looked at the vampire who had so graciously put his sword away and had tried to tamper with the door to get it open, he was stood close again, but Kaiserin wasn’t feeling very hostile, shattering his pride had been enough to make up for his jerk’s attitude from before. “The Silvets of old eh? My I bet they were fun to fight and feed off, but then again I am very different to other silvets as well, I am one of the three left, and a little human.”
“As for being surprised, it’s because I am one of the last, Eos has spared us three for a reason, and my father, who has fought in many wars” she learned this through her unofficial uncle, Canen. “And he has survived each one, and he has trained me … “she then seemed to think for a moment, and ginned at the thought, suddenly his story seemed very fake. “But … want to know what gets me … you said you fought many silvets, if that was the case you should have expected the tail … or is it because I am a girl, and you never fought a girl before?” she waved a good bye and looked at the door, she had originally decided against bashing it down, but it was already damaged thanks to this even-more-hot-headed-than-her vampire. She was about to make a move but instead didn’t do anything except look back over her shoulder at the vampire.
“1250 years old eh? Despite your age I think you need to grow up, you should be a lot more wiser … or do you not have any experience in trying to woo a girl?” she chuckled before looking back at the door and kicking forwards, it smashed right of the lock but not off its hinges … hang on … the door was unlocked already, that’s why people could go in and out “I am such a moron” she said before leaving, it’s the street, it was dark, and the floor was wet, the clouds overhead was still present. “I am not coming here again” she said to herself before taking off down the street.
-
Soveliss sat down on the nearest bench... he watched the Silvet leave and mutter something to herself Good riddance he thought. He sighed and realised she was right... why did he not realise about the tale - he remenicced again, remembering the battle with those... monkeys,the one that had nearly killed him, he had no tale... wait, yes he did - wrapped around his waist, like a belt. That was why!
He slammed his wrist down on the table. He was agitated, he lost t a female.. a female monkey. Ha! wooing... he had no mens to do so, he sat and thought, he couldn't even remember how all this had started. The wind was still whistling and the door was flapping on its hinges, but the rain had stopped. He walked over to where he was originally sitting and picked up is cloak. Sighed again and lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply, as if the smoke had an effect on him, it didn't - he simply felt it soothing to inhale the smoke.
With that he turned and looked at the bar, now in two huge pieces after he ahd punched through it. He walked up to it, still no sign of the fat man - maybe he took off when the touble started. He glanced up at the door, donned his hood and cloak an could now see the fire raging, against the wind that was now running through the inn. The barkeeper could keep his money, he had more.
He pulled up his hood and walked into the cold night through the door, thinking about what had just happened. he looked around. I know what will cheer me up he thought [i]Food.../[i]. He walked towards the sounds of life and activity. Trying to forget what had just happened - although the pain in his crotch made that quite impossible.
He took his first steps out into that street again, where the moon was covered by clouds and people were shouting everywhere - apart from that the night was cold, windy - yet peaceful, at least to Soveliss anyway.
He set off, looking for food and shelter.
-
JUDGMENT TIME!
Not a bad quest, especially for some newer members here. Some great passion shown for writing, which is critical. Some decent creativity in character as well, and both of you showed with your intros that you are quite capable of writing well. Unfortunately, the general quality of your writing tailed a bit during the quest, as it was clear that you didn't edit your posts as well as possible. Let me stress that this isn't a rookie mistake, it is a writer mistake, and is very, very common.
Introduction - 5 Well written, and got my hopes up a bit.
Setting - 3 Setting was largely discarded after the initial post. There was a passing reference to tight quarters, and some occasional addenda, but for the most part this tailed.
Character - 4 Accounted for but not always believable. Both characters seem impossibly clear-cut at this point, and lack the gray area that makes a character human. Try to veer from pure-good or pure-evil if possible, or at least give some moral conflict. What drives your character? What is the motivation?
Dialogue - 4 Again, some very solid effort here, but the editing kills the flow of dialogue. Several times I read through and had to try to figure out exactly how each line was being delivered, and a few times I was a bit disappointed by what seemed like relatively simple dialogue. Both Kaiser and Soveliss had some great lines, but you need to be more consistent.
Writing Style - 3 Editing, editing, editing. Kaiser, please watch for run on sentences, miscellaneous grammatical mistakes, and proper quote tarsing. Soveliss had similar problems, although they weren't as glaring. It looks bad, but this is very easily correctable.
Strategy - 3 Simple bar fight, a few creative combat moves, but for the most part a straightforward brawl and tauntfest. Not a terrible thing, but it didn't look like you two poured yourselves into it.
Rising Action - 3 Kind of had to see where this was going. Not necessarily bad, but wasn't very dramatic either.
Climax - 3 Again, it was ok, but it didn't exactly scream out to me.
Conclusion - 5 Actually, not bad at all. I thought you two wrapped up relatively well, and had some coherence and thought here. A nice endcap.
Wild Card - 4 Welcome to Althanas! 4 reflects the low magnitude of the quest, with a solid initial effort.
Total Score - 38 A solid early effort from two promising writers. The score can easily be improved with a bit more attention to detail and perhaps more planning. Welcome to Althanas, and looking forward to hearing more from you.
Kaiser receives 460 EXP and 45 gold
Soveliss receives 460 EXP and 45 gold